My boyfriend isn't making time for me or our kids: Advice?

Hi, I don’t know what to do. I try telling my boyfriend/baby daddy he needs to start making time for our daughters and me. He will say I will and never well I’m so fed up with it; I’m with the kids 24/7, and he gets to do whatever you want on his days off. What can I do to make him say he’s missing out on all kids.

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I was once in your position. I married him though and my advice to you is to never to do so unless he really changes. I would stop asking. I stopped asking. Take your children out, teach them things go on adventures. Enjoy your life with your children! He will regret eventually not experiencing these things with your children. Don’t miss out on these things because of him. You can not force someone to be there when they so clearly don’t want to be. <3 I promise it does get better with or with out him.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend isn't making time for me or our kids: Advice?

If a man wanted to he would nothing anyone says will change that only he can change that

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On his days off you leave the kids and Go …dont answer the phone …just go have fun

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If he wanted to he would :eyes::sweat_smile:

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Your not going to change him. He has to realize that he’s missing out and he more than likely won’t. I hate to say that but I went through the same thing for years with my baby daddy and he never changed. He hasn’t seen his daughter since 2016

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You cant. You cant make him see anything. He doesnt care to see it when you bring it up and it’s not a priority in his eyes… cant force a man who doesnt want to do something, to do it.

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You dont ask him… you say “Friday night I’m going to dinner with my friend. Here’s pizza money. I expect the kids to be in bed when I get home.” And you say goodbye to the kids and leave for the night. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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On his day off walk out the door 1st thing in the morning!!!

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I had the same thing with my two daughters dad. He would do what he wanted when he wanted and not spend any time with me or his two daughters.

I would constantly ask is we could go and do something as a family. He would never leave the house unless it was for work or grocery shopping.

He would say yeah and it would never happen. I got really sick of it…

I was with him for 6-7 years and (other factors also as to why) I left him and have custody with our daughters and he has every second weekend.

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tell him you’re going to dump him and find someone else that’s better

I’m dating a work’o holic… He runs his own 2 companies.

I do the office work.

But he will leave around 6:30a and at times won’t be home until 9ish at night.

I’m a mom of 4 kids. I know the feeling of no break.

He thinks we should put them in daycare and that way I can go to work :flushed::woman_facepalming:

On his first day off you get up, get dressed and walk out the door without the kids. Do not answer your phone. I personally would book a hotel room for myself for the number of days he has off. Discuss changes upon your return :ok_hand:.

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There is nothing you can say or do … it a person wants to , they will :red_circle:
We shouldn’t have beg , plead, nor convince someone.

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Leave. Or he will eventually. There’s usually someone else or he’s just a pus and won’t man up to not being happy and pull the trigger.

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Mama! Get dressed, get your keys, phone bag and walk out that door for some YOU time😍 Block his number until you get home👌

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Don’t do anything that has been suggested if you up and leave or book hotels he might think your cheating or something just pack his shit and leave them on the doorstep when he comes home open the bedroom window and tell him to fuck off back down the path and have some thinking to do until then don’t bother knocking or calling again and shut the window

Maybe he’s going thru a depression or personal issue hes embarrassed of (lowT)

Sorry to say this, but this is what happens when you have children before marriage. Some men who are not married will treat the kids and you this way as there is no real commitment .

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pack his kids and leave. He will either figure it out on his own or move on.

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Tough issue for sure.
I started small, dinner with everyone at the dinner table, game night, movie night. I tried to convince him of how happy it would make his older daughter. My oldest is all for Daddy.
Nowadays I ask him if he would like to participate a long time in advance (vacation plans, dinner out, time at the park or museums, whatever…) And I keep reminding him (about twice a week) and talking with a lot of excitement about the plans made when he accepts. When the day comes he wants to get out of his commitment but the whole family sticks to the plans and the kids are expecting those plans to go through or he will be the bad guy…
Call it manipulation, but for me it works. All I really want is quality family time, even it means just an hour a week.
If it’s not possible at all to get him to participate, then I would take a step back and analyse the relationship as a couple. Maybe get therapy if he agrees to it.

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i’m going through the same situation and have for 6 years… but i eventually got sick of it this past year and now i go out and do the same. you have to put your foot down, or just realize he’s never going to change. i told my man, if he wanted to act single, he can be single.

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Ima be blunt he don’t want the tied down lifestyle y’all got going on which is he ain’t there on his days off :woman_shrugging:t3: you got blinders on because you love him

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You don’t have to say a thing. You are wasting air. He clearly doesn’t care. Make fun plans for the weekends. And if he doesn’t join then you really know your answet.

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My advice run from this person(not even going to call them a man) and don’t look back. Find you someone who will love and value you and your babies and I promise you they’re out there!

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I didn’t ask. I demanded. I made plans and wrote them on a white board in our living room. I told him I couldn’t live like we weren’t important. It’s been a bit better now. He has a really demanding job and we are renovating our house. That doesn’t mean he can’t meet us at the pool after work or take the kids to the park in the evening. Even a 20 minute walk with our kids before bed. Just around the block.

Leave before he wakes up… Take a you day.

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Nothing, you can’t expect a boy to do a man shit!

Kick him out until he learns his daughters come first and don’t let him back in when he thinks he change or when he apologize that would have to be up to you

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Send the kids with him on his days off, take an afternoon to yourself, let him be a Daddy on his own terms.

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you deserve better. make it clear that you and your daughter does. and you are at the ends of it, and if there’s no change soon then you will be leaving. life’s to short for this! honestly some men or women don’t get excited over the family lifestyle sadly. I was with someone for 4 years and nothing I gave up it got really bad though. but I did my college as a single mom of 3 and randomly my boyfriend now msg me and I never in a million years think I’d be where I am today. 5 years later we added 3 more kiddies and he’s raising the other 3. 2 of them call him dad as they were only 1&2 when we met. there are good guys out there they come when you least expect it! anddd yes it will be so hard for a week or so but I promise it does get easier. :heart:

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Leave his ass and teach him a lesson. If he doesn’t want to spend time as a family then take your kids and leave with out saying anything.

Sadly some people just like to reproduce… go out , or leave with your children you and they deserve better

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Give an exact situation or example. Meet him where he is (my hubby smokes so we all go outside sometimes)

Leave…wants to be alone and selfish…let him see alone…find someone who would love to have a family life.

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Or when he gets home…walk out the door and go all day with your friends, and kids his until you decide to come home…if he don’t come home after work, meet him when he gets off, drop off kids, drive away…he’ll get the hint. Good for you, than good for him.

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Some people are genuinely interested in their babies and enjoy how rewarding and precious that time is and other people, you can beg and plead but honestly if they do not appreciate it already they may make time if you demand but their heart is just not there

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Sorry you are going through this. Two things 1. We teach people how to treat us 2. Your children are learning what a healthy relationship looks like based on what you and your partner show them.

Change is tough and can be so beautiful.

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On his day off just leave at the morning and have time for yourself. Let him handle kids

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend isn't making time for me or our kids: Advice?

All this bullshit about he’s working so hes allowed time to himself?? What the actual fuck?! You women are deluded and allow these men to walk all over you. Grow a backbone and kick him to the curb. He’ll either bucker his attitude up or you’ll realise you did the best thing because he obviously isn’t going to change and you deserve way better than that.

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Been there, sending love :heart: men dont think and wont do stuff unless you do it for him. I used to make plans or book stuff that i could do on my own if he didnt come then tell him we’re doing this on Saturday iv booked it, if he says no do it anyway without him no videos jo photos, come home and say awww (daughter) was soooo sweet today they did this ect if he asks fir photos say stuff like sorry i didnt go on my phone we. Were having to much fun or i didnt think to take pictures… first few times he says no will be hard but after a few times he realises you arnt gonna wait around for him and hes the one left out and you and your daughter will go and have fun n spend time together. On top of this you must remember he dose work (not that a mother’s job is any easyer) so make sure you tell him he can have time for himself but on say Sundays is family day. Sounds harsh but he needs to realise and thease words worked for me ‘if im doing it alone anyway whats the point in you being hear you mayswell move out it would be the same except you wouldn’t have me moaning’ And make it clear you want time out every now and again aswell. Good luck

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Unfortunately men just don’t care. If he wanted to spend time with you and your children he would make the time. Use this time wisely my love and and focus on what you need for you and your baby. He sounds like a waste of space to me and you both deserve better

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Men don’t think the same as women when it comes to stuff like this. But I don’t think spending time with loved ones is something that can be forced, it’s something that should come naturally to him to want to do it. In my opinion, constantly nagging him and moaning about it will only make him do it less. If I were you, I’d just get on with what you do and maybe take the kids out while he’s sat at home. Pretend you don’t care and are happy to go out without him. He will soon start wondering why your not bothered anymore and will probably shit himself and then want to spend time with you all xx

Depends on what he’s doing. It’s hard working and getting time with your kids. I’m out the door an hour before they wake up and home just in time for dinner showers and bed during the week. Weekends I’m usually backed up on stuff around the house and the yard as well as sorting out things I didn’t have time to get done during the week. Not a lot of which is child friendly or possible with the kids around.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend isn't making time for me or our kids: Advice?

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You cannot make a person want to be a good parent. You can not make someone want to spend time with you.
Follow your heart. You know what you should do.

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I would leave him… seriously… you shouldn’t have to tell him to change and he most likely will not. People do what they want, ive been in those relationships. It’s not worth dragging out the inevitable… i have 3 children, all by different men, me and my 2nd child’s father ended up getting back together (we originally split for reasons unrelated to what kind of father he is). He spends his days off with me and our son and my other 2 children not by him. My daughter adores him and he’s very good to her and its a child i had with another man after our relationship ended. I know my kids drive him nuts and he still chooses to spend his days off with us. Girl… there are men out there who would love to spend time with you and your children and treat you like you deserve.

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Honey, I am literally dealing with this heartache, different circumstances tho. Hes not my babies daddy, but we have been off and on for 2o years or so. He came to me day before mothers day, wanting a full blown relationship, I said let’s do this. A little under 2 months later, with numerous conversations about 2 days a week is not enough for us, I broke it off with him for the 3rd time…he knew I meant business this time! It’s been 7 days and he hasn’t contacted me. You have to make the decision for yourself and your babies if your willng to settle for what hes giving you. As hard and heartbreaking as it was for me, believe me, my heart is still breaking, I did what was best for me and my babies. You decide…

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Being with you all should really be something he just wants and needs for himself and you all. You shouldn’t have to keep bothering someone or bothering with them if they’re not bothered with it. When I went through this I ended up just cutting him off… it was difficult because he had anger issues and I couldn’t hide that from my kids. But I did it, got too busy for him, always just seen other people or went elsewhere with the kids, if you have childcare you can even set up to do something just for yourself… biggest advise I have right now is self care as much as you can so you feel like a billion then babies do too:) and be too busy to care about what he wants. He can’t expect you to all be there for him and not keep moving in life if he doesn’t want to do it all with you. So dumb how guys will claim a woman and kids but not keep earning to have them after . You don’t have to be mean or leave him yet or cause any other issues, just do your own thing and see how he feels being left totally alone

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My ex was this way as well. He would sit playing video games saying “i work all the time i should be able to relax” meanwhile i worked as well plus cleaned the house, took care of the kids and took care of making sure all the bills were paid on time and i never got to sleep in or relax like him . We were supposed to get married last june and a few months before that i said you need to start helping out because i wont marry someone who makes me feel like im a single mother cause if thats the case id rather be a single mother. Well things did not change and i called off the wedding and he regrets it but i will never go back. Its been a year since i left him and its created a better situation for me and my kids and i was already used to do everything on my own so it made no difference except i wasnt living with a man lol

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I say if a man is truly committed to you and your kids (biologically his or not) he will put forth effort and make time AND HE WILL ENJOY THAT TIME! I been married 12 years but my husband and I have been together for 18 years. I have 2 older children who he met when they were 4 & 2. We got married and had a baby when the older kids were 8 & 10. Before we had a child together we were always doing things with the kids, park, zoo, sports, trips etc. After having a child together nothing changed about that. My husband LIVES for us. I couldn’t ask for a better man! They are out there girl, do not settle! :purple_heart:

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Unfortunately he will find out the hard way that he missed out and by that time it’ll be too late. I will never understand how a parent doesn’t look forward to being with their children and making memories. Our children only have one childhood, you are their mama so make it great with or without him!!

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I stayed with my ex husband for 14 years and he was exactly this way. I left him and he decided that he was missing out on 1 of his children (not both). He is great to her now I fell in love with an old high school friend and I’ve never had to even ask for help with our kids. He stepped up and showed out. Thats a real man

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Hes clearly disconnected from your relationship and family, have you asked him why? Deffo communicate the shit out of the whole topic before you throw in the towel, communication is key. Once you’ve done all you can do, fought all you can fight then it’s time to think what you and your kids deserve from a man in your life. I wish you so much luck, being a mum with kids to a father who isn’t invested is hard. You are an amazing mum for holding down the fort and being both mum and dad.

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Men are specific creatures. Don’t just say “make more time” – schedule something. Give him ideas. After a few times of having fun with the kids he might want to start spending more time with them. He should want to anyway, but sometimes you have to work with what you’ve got and try to make it work.

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Well, I can tell you this. Don’t marry him. My husband does this. He gets to enjoy his days off but when I need a couple minutes it’s the end of the world.

He seems to think that I don’t need a break. As if working 50 hour work weeks and then coming home to take care of our child by myself (he works overnights) is a walk in the park.

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Hun, he will never change. Rather leave before it gets even more complicated. If he wanted to he would spend his time you and the kids.

Hmmm… :thinking: Are you sure he’s not seeing someone else? You shouldn’t have to ask your man, husband, boyfriend or baby daddy to make time for you and your children let alone tell him how to be a good parent. You can either stay in that relationship and put up with it or move on…And I don’t mean jump into another relationship. Let your heart and mind detox from this selfish person and when you least expect it, someone else will come your way and appreciate you and your children.

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Nothing changes if nothing changes. Why would he do anything different? Aside from you asking him, if that’s as far as it goes then there’s no reason for him to do anything different. Either DEMAND it or change it. We as woman, and especially as mothers, have got to stop waiting around for the losers we chose to procreate with to change. Our children deserve to see a happy and healthy parent, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to stay with the other parent to make that happen.

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When I went through exactly that, I started making my own plan with my kids. Going to visit relatives, swimming, Parks, etc,. I would invite him but usually he had plans. Eventually he felt left out. He did improve on quality time management after that.

If you want to stay with him tell him either counseling or you are leaving. I asked my ex husband which we also had a son who is now 10 of 13 years in the last 6 years of our miserable ass relationship to go to marriage counseling/marriage workshops with me and he refused 6x and said it was a waste of money. So I packed my shit and left him in 2017 and he begged and pleaded me to come back for the next 9 months and that he would go to counseling and I told him it was too late and that I had already moved on with my life at that time. I’m now happily remarried and have a 2 year old and an 8 month old. It was the best decision of my life leaving him. I am so happy now! You just have to do what’s best for you and your children.

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You can’t make a man be a good father. They have to want to do that on their own.
Have a serious talk with him and let him know how you feel.

If he doesn’t agree to change, I’d leave tbh

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My husband won’t go anywhere without me and our baby even if i try to get him to. He doesn’t believe in guy nights out when he has his own family as he says and my only bestfriend is my cousin. He puts us first everyday than his alone time is playing his game while helping me with the baby if and when I need it with no problem. We dont go anywhere without each other than when he goes to work and we talk the whole way there and back plus he calls me on all 3 breaks the whole breaks and he also helps cook and clean without me asking.

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Just tell him. Communicate. And don’t marry him… I promise it will not get better if it’s not resolved now.

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Leave Trust when we all say leave you will be happier he will not change trust and believe

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You don’t… That’s probably the biggest issue, we want to show them… But until they are ready, nothing you can do. In any aspect be it kiddos, you, Or… Just have to figure how much you’re willing to take. You either accept this is the guy you have, or you let him be alone for real. Men aren’t clay,molding them, thinking you can unwilling mold them into a good dad, a good partner… When they really don’t want to be :clown_face:. Stop having babies with…

Why would you have to tell a man that has kids to spend time with them…it’s his loss…if he hasn’t got the brains to figure that out well then let him do what he likes as u spend that presious time with your kids…but I’d like to think while doing that your not looking after him aswell…you have enough to do and in time you and the kids will have all the memories…

Going thru this right now it’s been a fight over and over and now he broke up with me over it how sad

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My husband is my friend we go out together all the time & my bestir come for a few days at a time & he loves it . Sorry you have to go through this it is wrong on all levels

Who does his laundry and cooks his meals That can easily stop

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Leave them maybe he will realize it. If not then your better off without him

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Easy!! Start going places without him. Let his butt sit home and post tons of stuff on fb and wait for people to ask where he is and you can simply say “sitting at home”. Trying to force someone to be involved never works. It creates resentment.
Hire a sitter or network other moms and take turns watching each other’s kids for free free time. :grin::grin: just make memories without them

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Personally I’d remind him that you are already doing it all alone and if you were to leave him then you would have allocated days to do what you want while he has the kids on his own.
It’s sad that he won’t do these things on his own accord without having to be asked

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Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to make him do anything. You can try talking to him and telling him how you feel and hopefully he will want to change. I personally wouldn’t stay with someone that would rather go out then spend time with me and our kids. In my relationship we’re a team and are together when not working. We go everywhere together. Most people don’t just change and there’s a reason why he would rather be out then home.

If he didn’t did it in the first place don’t expect for him to do it in the present or future. Dump him and save yourself from worrying and stressing with that kind of person.

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Only he will want to step up and be there more.

No matter how many times you ask or threaten to leave.

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Unfortunately you can’t and it’s not your responsibility. I know that that’s awful but it’s the truth. He’s dependent on you doing it all and still being there for him and as long as that is the case, he’ll more than likely keep doing it. It’s not your job to make sure he’s doing his part as a parent or partner and focusing on that will only hurt you and the kids. Maybe it’s time to step away so that he can see what he’s missing out on. You can choose whether to give me the opportunity to improve but if you’ve discussed it with him before and he’s done nothing to improve the situation, he’s showing that he doesn’t care

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My sons dad is like this. Which is one of the reasons why we’re not together

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Hate to say it, but you can not make him change his behavior. He has to want them change abs decide to do it himself. The more you tell him, I suspect, the less he will be willing. Live your life and go and do things, have experiences, and give your kids amazing experiences and opportunities.

Pack up and leave. Get in the mindset to do it yourself. Because if you have to tell him or ask him to spend time with y’all, that’s not where he wants to spend his time.

And there’s no point in beating a dead horse.

These “fathers” will regret it one day.

Leave.
It sucks. But he will never make the time. It really is that simple.
You can’t force a person to grow up. That’s he’s a baby daddy and not a husband.

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If I didn’t know any better I would say i posted this :sob::sob: I know your frustrations

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If he’s not spending time with u it’s because he doesn’t want to… face the fact and either leave him or deal with it

I am so glad I am a single parent! No expectations from a man at all :rofl:

What is it that he’s doing?

Um, you know exactly what to do…why are you still with this scrub???

I was in the exact situation. I broke up with him and got with a much better man who comes home and spends time with me and my daughter and helps me take care of her. He helps with the house work. He appreciates what I do and buys me flowers and takes me on dates. And my baby daddy/ex is still doing whatever he wants and doesnt even help support his daughter yet hes still pissed I found a better life for me and my daughter

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You cant force someone to care unfortunately.

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Leave the kids with him, and you leave… so he doesn’t have a choice but to be with his kids. That’s not a man, that’s a little boy.

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Nothing. It is who he is.

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Key word is boyfriend…that alone says not committed to the relationship. Sounds like it’s time to go

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You cant make him do what he clearly doesnt want to do. He doesnt care and you need to accept that and act accordingly. You wont have to beg the right man to spend his time with you and the kids because he will want to do it. Walk away and save your energy.

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My ex was the same way. He ended up having an affair and a kid with her (he left us for the new family)…guess what? He Was/is the same way still. She’s always doing stuff with her kid and he does his thing. He won’t change. Leave.

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Start taking n sending him pics of the day maybe he will realize what he is missing

Don’t be with a man child

U can tell that man til ur blue in the damn face. If he doesn’t want to he ain’t gonna. Unfortunately for you he has this thing called free will. It’s up to him to want to spend that time. Maybe start getting out with just you and the kids. Do something fun for urself. I’d just focus on you and ur girls cause you will never be able to make someone do anything and if u do there not gonna enjoy it and it will probably make everyone miserable anyway.

There’s nothing you can do to force him. I’m sorry to say it but he has to want it for himself.

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