I and my bf moved together last year. He has a 16-year-old, and I have 13, 10,6, and 3 years old. His 16-year-old has a lot of attitudes and just bad temperament, especially if he isn’t allowed electronics. My kids end up doing all the chores (walking the dog, feeding and watering her, picking up around the house) Is it wrong of me to change the WiFi password until he helps? My bf said he shouldn’t HAVE to do anything, even helping with dishes and wiping mirrors. I am at my wit’s end, I can’t keep cleaning after seven people by myself, and have only my kids help… just want to know opinions? And might I add my kids game time is VERY regulated like they have to pick up their room and get homework done before they can have any electronics or TV time.
Why doesnt he have a job?
Yes change pw. Yes take away his electronics. He sounds like a brat!
I’d change the password and if the asshole bf doesn’t change leave em both in the dust
Does ur boyfriend help clean? If not, that explains his kid being lazy. If they can’t help, do nothing for them.
Either they both step up or step out. Stop doing their chores, stop cooking and buying their things. You’re not a maid. Tell them until they start doing their part you’re not helping pick up their slack and neither are your kids.
Literally need to leave the guy. He feels like his kid doesn’t have to help around the house there a big problem there
You clean up after yourself and your kids and make the lazy bf and his kid clea up after themselves. That also means those 2 lazy guys do their own laundry and cooking!!!
Is the dog a “family dog” purchased after you moved in together or was it yours before or his before? If it was the bf and the lazy brat then make them take care of it!!! The 16 yr old doesn’t do chores…no wifi, no cell phone no extras!!!
He won’t lift a pin until the dad have a different prospective on stuff done in and around the home
It’s hard at that age. Especially being the oldest of a new family. Don’t be so hard on him. Help him adjust. You can see a behavioral therapist to help you help him. Don’t give up.
I’d be making plates for just me and my kids. Same with laundry etc. Change the password daily and give out the code to those who complete chores. Tell dad ur son doesnt have to do his chores but that means you need to step up and do them for him. Until then make ur own food and wash ya drawers. Same with booty. His kids not some entitled king.
Cut your losses and run. Actually set him and his kid outside. Homeless people don’t have to clean up either. Js
All kids in a household, though adjusted to their age, should have the same rules. Not only is it unfair to put everything on them, it sets a very bad example.
The boyfriend is the problem
I’d let your bf be in charge of washing his clothes and cooking his meals etc then. Serve one meal for your kids and a basic one for him if he wants to be treated differently. When he steps up he gets the benefits that go with it.
I get rid of both he’s probably just like his father
His kid should be treated the same way your kid’s are. If he’s not down with that, then he and his kid need to go.
I have app on phone I can shut off who and what I want.
This is the kind of stuff you hammer out before you move in. The BF has already sided with his son you you have your answer. Either deal with it or go.
I’d kick them out. Deuces
I kinda see it opposite . He’s one 16 year old that jus gained a TON of siblings . The house probably stayed a lot neater before all of that and he probably didn’t have to do much same as dad . If each kid just picks up after them self as they go and that’s what we do then the cleaning wouldn’t be so demanding
You have a total of 4 kids plus him… I am sure most of the mess is from the little ones and if the little ones are helping then good. He is one only. Yes he must help but don’t forget theres more people from your family. He can help specially by picking up after himself.
Thank God it is only a shack up relationship. Your man hasn’t any respect for women…save your self some time and effort…become friends with his X or the mother of his 16 year old…if she’s not a drug addict or nut she will give you GOOD info of the man your shacking with
No offense but it’s hardly his fault if that’s how he’s been brought up and tbf going from being just him and his dad to having 4 other kids about is a massive adjustment,esp at his age…Forget the son,if you can’t have your b/f help then it’s time to leave…Your life ain’t hard because of this one kid…
Join the club! My boyfriends son is 13 almost 14 does nothing but sit in his room playing games
Sounds like the boyfriend and his kid need a swift kick in the ass.
Not a hope in hell…16 he should have a job and should clean up after himself and help around the house…put your foot down and explain to your bf won’t tolerate it that bs…
If he’s living there he should have chores just as your children does.
You should sit your bf down & have a reasonable conversation with him regarding what’s expected of everyone in the household.
If his stance is still that his son doesn’t have to do chores & doesn’t have to listen to you as the woman of the house then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship & the future of it
Personally I wouldn’t put up with it & it’s not fair that you and your children are doing your part while the bf and his son does nothing
This should be about the BOYFRIEND not his son…why do YOU want to be with a man who for one is teaching his son to be rude and irresponsible…two allow him to disrespect you…three allow such unfairness among the kids…girl I could go on and on…this is about YOU…drop him the boyfriend!!!
I have 2 bio kids and one step child that is 4 and he along with my 2 do chores . Sounds like that almost grown child has never had to do anything . At 16 he should be mowing the lawn and helping with dishes and taking out the trash. If his dad isn’t encouraging him to do so then like everyone else has said, he’s the problem!
The rules should apply to ALL children in the home
Yes change that wifi password and tell both of those BOYS that if one kid helps, ALL kids can help, and the boyfriend can help out too.
You’re a blended family now and it comes with responsibilities. If my bf had the attitude that he or his son didn’t have to contribute then well that’s exactly what would happen and don’t let the door hit you both on the ass on your way out!
He’s 16, try to be patient, you’d probably have to redo anything he did, like wash the dishtowels with his underwear and socks. He’s gonna be leaving home before you know it. I know it’s hard, I promise I know. Don’t let up on him, he needs to know that stuff has to be done, but just try not to let it consume you.
Thats the problem with a man with kids. Tell him i refuse to do it all either u help or they do. I went through it. His kid was a rotten little bastard who could do no wrong. And mine had to grin and bare it of corse the boy friend had to lie cheat backstab and orgie. Just like every other s o b. And i was left with 3 kids that hate my guts for it. And they do not get over it. Your boyfriend will be over it as quick as a other. Bitch opens her legs. Your kids will hate u for ever. U are a fool if you think the boyfriend cares men dont want to parent. Kids. They want yo be their friend. I would not waste 1 secound. On any of them and if i could do it over the boyfriend would have been gone many moons sooner. No man is worth it
Boyfriend and child should do their part they live there did by think he had a move in maid?
If your bf says he shouldn’t have to do anything then leave it for him to clean up. Bet he’ll change his tune real quick. Your kids are seeing what he’s getting away with. Gotta set the example for them.
He’s a teenager. Maybe he’s having a problem adjusting to his new living arrangements. People tend to forget that kids including teenagers can struggle with changes. Changing living arrangements is HUGE. maybe be patient? Talk to him. Communicate? Counseling?
If he don’t want his kids doing then he can do for him what kind of father is he does he really love his child cause if he did he would not want him to be a lazy person please so your kids are going to grow up to know morals and your step son still going to be a spoil child with his father won’t have anything to be proud off while your chest is going to be sticking out with pride and joy with good education and such sorry said to much
I think moving in together was a bit too soon, the 16 year old his father need to help… My kids are pretty much grown and they still do things to help me out but I guess ur bf didn’t raise him right. But that’s just my opinion. He does need to help though. It’s not fair to you or your kids
You are doing a great job. Your bf is wrong and needs to stop being lazy and scared of his 16 yr old son
Daphne Crystal Meerding… interesting!
You and your kids are 5 out of 7 people in the house. He went from having just him and his dad… to now having to share his space with 5 extra people, not to mention he is a teenager so these years are tough enough already. Maybe try sitting down with him and talking to him and the dad. Explaining that you understand this is a big adjustment, but you could really use the help from them both.
Yeah he’s a terrible parent, can’t imagine he would be a great partner long term either
These are things that should have been discussed before moving in with someone. Sounds like you didn’t really know your boyfriend on how he raises his children. As a mom with that many kids I would make sure but all these topics are covered before moving in with somebody. Good luck
He would do as the rest or go to a home for unruly children. Set your foot down. Your husband should back you up. He’s the oldest and should set examples for the younger ones …Nip it in the butt now. It doesn’t get better unless you do something to change that behavior. Done been there done did that. The 16 year will hate you at the time but love you later. When he is more mature. Good luck and hang in there.
Should have discussed how the household would run for everyone included before moving in together
move back out, this will never work
His main focus right now should be getting excellent grades focusing I’m school preparing for college and doing the best he can the fees and any sports hes only got a few more years to be a kid
One thing I’ve learnt about boys is if you tell them what they must do you will come up against resistance but if say to them that you need their help with something they are more than willing to help. Then you have the opportunity to show gratitude towards them and they soften in their willingness to pitch in.
Its the knight in shining armour syndrome used to your own advantage
That’s said he definitely is to pick up after himself and do his own laundry
I’m siding with the 16 yrs old. It’s not his job to pick up after your kids. You can definitely ask him to pick up after himself and do his own laundry and dishes tho. You are responsible for your kids and whatever messes they make.
Out of the week, one day dedicated to family conversation. Make one day of the week a family day and set everything aside. It sounds like a normal teen who is an angry dad moved on. Kids go thru this is hard for them. On that day you set aside, for everyone to take a turn with no interruptions and everyone to listen to what bothers the other, make notes, and when everyone is done talking, whoever they directed themselves to, for that person to answer to them. Also if you are giving or could afford allowances, make a huge chart and place it in a hallway, use stars or stickers, and write what that person did that day for chores and name at the end of the chart what they will get for a prize. I hope that works. He just needs to be listened to and understood and assure him no one replaces mom.
U got no hope if his dd doesn’t see he needs to contribute
I’m with the 16 year old. Can’t imagine it’s easy to suddenly have FIVE extra persons living with you including a stepmother who sounds very entitled and clearly doesn’t understand that she needs to create a relationship with him to make this work. Plus she’s criticizing a child but it’s ok for her bf not to do anything?! The adults sound very immature and the ‘mom’ needs to realize the 16 yr old (who had no say in any of this) is not the bad guy.
He should contribute just like the rest of the kids. No you are NOT wrong and his father needs to support you in this.
Kick them both out? Make them to get a different place. Show them they had it easy🤷🏽♀️
Talk to your bf that everybody should do their share of house chores. Be one or be done! Your bf should be the one to talk to his son you have house rules to follow and everyone should abide by it no excuses.
Does the boyfriend help?
You want this 16 year old to pick up after all your kids? How about your kids pick up after themselves. He is nOt your personal cinderella. Sounds like to me your saying I end up picking up after seven people YOUR kids dont even do their chores. Lol
Stand ur ground.my ex had a son the same way didn’t graduate .when he turned 18 sent him back to his maternall grandparents who were good people.he is 24 now and in and out ofjail
He and his dad can have a chore each pack there shit and get out.
Well have you considered boy Scouts or group activities where young fellas are taught to survive on their own. Me thinks his boy should have specific chores to do or NO ELECTRONICS. The boy is actually being taught to disrespect you and your children. Sounds like the shit is just starting to hit the fan. Give it a couple more months and you will be rewarded with nasty attitudes,
Disrespect, from his son because his father is teaching him to do so and is not supporting you in your relationship. Get out while you can cause you and your kids will never be the blended family you think you might be. I tell you this after 25 years of marriage and 4 of my kids and 3 of his. Don’t be stupid.
The 16 year old in the least can take trash out, cook sometimes, do his own laundry and pick up after himself. The kids(old enough) could be on a rotating chore list. One week one has dishes, the other bathroom, the other picking up etc. The father should be helping you. Since hes not he obviously is passing that mentality to his son. His son will suffer when hes on his own. IF he doesnt continue to expect to stay as an adult to be waited on. Which…more than likely he will. Since hes lazy and his dad let’s him. Sounds like you’re living single while together. It’s up to you to decide if you want to be single with less work and peace. Or in a situationship with more work and stress
At 16 his responsibilities should include first n most important school, keeping HIS room n things tidy, cleaning up HIS N ONLY HIS mess. He only has a few more years to be a kid.
At 16 between school, after school activities, n friends. He doesnt have time to mess up the house.
Plus u have to take into consideration that this is a HUGE change for him! He prolly went from almost no parenting to u breathing down his neck.
&& his dad chose u n ur babies. So it’s his fathers responsibility to help u taking care of them n keeping the house not his!
Wishing u the best of luck. I knw it’s hard cause teens r hard.
Go back on your own because your own children are witnessing this disrespect and they will mimic.
He is part of a family and should help, but he is 16 and full of attitude maybe think abt other things he can do to help as a 16yold
Sounds pretty new still, maybe everybody has a weekend chore, bathroom, dishes, whatever is age appropriate. You have to build a relationship with him.
I think with your pack of kids, You are afraid to get rid of both of them. You need to leave; or kick them both out! Raise a Your kids on your own! Hopefully you get financial help from your kids dad(s). Don’t put you and your kinds in such an unhealthy situation.
You and hubby need to be on the same page. You ALL live in the house so you ALL participate in cleaning the house! Its hard when someone goes that long without helping. But goddamn he is 16, I would change the password! He will spend more time throwing a fit than lifting a finger?? His dad shouldn’t be ok with that. How freakin lazy. My 7 & 4 year old help me clean. Yes, some times its a fight… but Imma be damned if I raise lazy piece of shit men. ALL house hold members should clean!! Don’t be nasty!
Why add more to your load. You had to see this coming before they even moved in! They’d be out of my house by week end
I’d dump the boyfriend
Sounds like you may have moved in together a bit too soon. I can see both sides. It is very frustrating when someone does not help out around the house because let’s be honest he lives there too. However, it also sounds like a conversation needs to be had with all three of you to see what is working and what is not. See if there is a way to fix it. And of not I may be a split in ways.
Have you ever had a step parent? This young man is obviously angry, something is eating at him. You have the upper hand but are too frustrated to see. He has a parent, what he needs is a friend… That’s where you come In. Get on his level. Be humble. Spend some one on one time with him. Kids are victims of adult choices. When I kid wants to be noticed, they do what ever it takes to get your attention and to a kid, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Above all you are the adult, lead by example. Good luck
Time for a new boyfriend
Rules that apply to your own kids should be applying to him as well. If you are expected to basically ‘mother’ him and he lives with yourl then same rules all around. Why should he be privileged over the other kids in the same home? And in any case- screen time must be limited, only comes after homework and chores AND is definitely not allowed if child is not towing the line. Your bf feels that his kid should not be doing chores - clearly indicating that YOU should be carrying the load! Totally wrong. My advice is that you guys go your separate ways. He is being unfair to you and your children. Did he move in with you to benefit a maid service or to live as a family?
Gurl…you have children…your boyfriend…has children…if you are not going to be a family…working together…you need to be on your own…my thoughts…
I wouldn’t have moved in with anyone that doesn’t help around the house… adults or their kids
You cant just move in on a 16yo and start tellin then what to do and witholding things. If hes never made to do chores your opinion is irrelevant. And your just gonna make it harder on yourself your kids snd relationship by doing that. My kids don’t have chores either, tho if you ask them to do something it gets done automatically. Maybe start there
Cleaning up after 7 people by yourself… but you said your 4 children are the ones doing all the chores… I know if it was me and my dad and then 5 other people move in… that wasn’t his choice. He was thrown into that situation. When you blend 2 families, it’s not easy. When there are already parenting styles established, and your bf has been doing it longer, you can’t really come in demanding things.
It’s about working together as a unit…a team so yeah the 16 year old is a lazy prick… get angry…
Sounds to me like your bf is the problem, not his kid… dump him! Don’t be that female that sticks her kids with an asshole ‘stepdad’ because she can’t imagine her life without a man. Put your children first!
I’d be changing that password and setting a chore board. He does not get to sit on his butt and game while everyone else pitches in.
Every child in the house should have the same rules regardless of biological or step children.
Change the password. Better yet: CANCEL THE INTERNET AND CABLE! He can get a JOB if he can’t be productive or is bringing home stellar grades! Take YOUR kids to the library for FREE wi-fi! Quite frankly, you need to move out and start fresh - toxic masculinity is breeding here!
MOVE OUT, it’s only going to get worst. His father doesn’t even have your back.
Seems to meyour bf and hie kid have a good thing going and like it that wsy. Get you and your kids out. You don’t need 6 kids to tske care of.
Leave these losers you have enough to worry about with your kids
Accountability for everyone in the house!!!
Kick them both out before it gets worse. And it definitely will get worse.
I stopped at the part where you said your “BF said his 16 year shouldn’t have to help”. Ummm, that’s where your problem lays. Why do you think the 16 year old isn’t doing shit? Because his father is allowing him to be that way. So who pays for the Wifi? Because if you do, I say f**k yeah, change that password.
And secondly, I’d re-evaluate the type of guy you’re dating. Sounds like a prick if he’s allowing his son to be a lazy, self entitled little prick.
Well you can certainly tell who has the moronic children on this post. Wow. #raisinlittleassholes
Chores or get a job end of story and if dad has an issue with it the can both get out
Wow! I can’t believe ppl are suggesting that you kick them out. That’s not how serious relationships work.
You need to stress to your bf how important it is to you that his son participates in the family and that includes chores. Find a common ground.
Doesn’t sound like the teen is the problem. Why are you upset with him if his Dad says he shouldn’t have to? That’s on his Dad. Not the child.
He should help out. He should be doing his own laundry, helping with dishes and bathroom duty. He eats there and uses the bathroom right? He should clean them as well. Sounds like you are doing the right thing with your children. A little house work never hurt anyone. And the bf can help out too😊
At 16 he should b helping out. Not giving kids responsibilities and making them accountable is why so many young ppl r rude and obnoxious. Kids should b helping…especially at 16
Why don’t you just leave him alone and worry about yours! I’m sure all the mess comes from them! You probably nag the father to death about his son! I’ve seen your kind before and it’s really annoying! What’s sad is, you probably get great pleasure out of changing the WIFI password because that’s just you! Im sure you are far from perfect so you come here for validation! You want everyone to tell you how perfect you and your kids are, and how “his 16 yr old” is the problem! And I’m sure your leaving out a lot of important information just to get everyone on your side! Well sorry not this way!
Part of life where ever we are for what ever the reason we need to contribute by doing chores. He didn’t ask to be born but he is in this world he didn’t ask for what has happened but that just how things turned out and needs to cooperate and even the little ones should learn to put something away. Its the fathers task to speak with you come to an agreement and then ask him to do certain things not too many things though and certainly should not do the little children’s duties. You haven’t been living together very long it’s tough…
Have a roster, tell your partner that you doing roster so everyone doing something and all the load isnt on your kids, see how that goes for 1 month as a trial
This will not be popular, but here goes anyway…
It sounds like y’all moved in, and imposed your way of life. So you have a big family, and rigid rules. Not this kids fault. Maybe they don’t limit screen time. If you want yours limited, go for it, but leave this kid alone. If it was just he and his dad, why should he have to do that much more to accommodate you and your kids…this was a decision made by the adults. Kids are dealing with enough. I doubt seriously one kid is adding to your work load that much. It’s not his job to help take care of your kids.