My boyfriends family invited his ex to Thanksgiving: Advice?

I need advice as I do not know what to do…I just started seeing this guy 8 months ago…we have hit it off. I love him, he loves me, our families have hung out and get along…they invited me over for Thanksgiving and I am going but i found out they also invite over his high school sweet heart…they have known her for years as her and my boyfriend grew up together I just don’t want to meet her and I find it disrespectful that they are even wanting to bring her around me and they didn’t even ask me about it…they just invited her…should I not show up? Idk what to do


They don’t have to ask you to invite someone to THEIR home :joy: the entitlement is unreal. You should be mature about it or don’t go.


Even if it bothers you, I sure wouldn’t let them it did! Or even let the ex become aware of how you feel. Stay confident, attend Thanksgiving dinner…smile, be happy and just enjoy the evening!!! If he truly loves you, then you shouldn’t feel “threatened” by anyone else!!!


I mean, depending how old you guys are and how long theyve been separated… it was highschool lol.
Go have dinner with the family. Be kind. Make friends.

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Show up and grow up. Your insecurities are showing. They’ve known her for a long time. You are new. Respect their friendship and kinship and trust your man, or you guys might as well break up now :woman_shrugging:

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I get your concern but if she’s been around that long then she’s like family. If you are secure in your relationship which it sounds like you are (“he loves me and I love him) then act like it. She’s just a person who happened to date him IN THE PAST. it obviously didn’t work out so don’t trip and be cordial

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I call BS on every one saying grow up and go to dinner. It is very disrespectful to you and you are always going to have this problem. I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t stay in the relationship. It is their house and they have a close relationship to the ex and she will always be around. I have a good relationship with my daughter’s ex’s but I wouldn’t invite them to anything with the family and the new boyfriend. Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you or your feelings if he isn’t saying something to his family. It really is up to you but I think you will regret going.

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She is a part of their lives. She has been for a while it seems. Just because they broke up YEARS ago, does not mean the family can not still have a relationship with her. I am friends with a few of my exes, one thing I love about my daughter’s new BF is that he respects the friendship she has with her long time ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend became and still is my son’s best friend, relationships form over time and you need to be respectful of the relationship the family has with this young lady.

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These comments are crazy!! You have every right to be upset and I would definitely show up and read the room, especially your boyfriend. That will tell you all you need to know about what their intentions are. If you are made to feel uncomfortable then you know where they stand. I personally would not show up to my ex’s home if my ex didn’t invite me himself which I doubt he did if he’s bringing you and I definitely would not show up if he has a girlfriend. This has nothing to do with being mature and has everything to do with boundaries. Good luck.

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My husband’s best friend is female. If I had been immature about it I wouldn’t have found out how utterly awesome she is. Grow up. Go. Have a good time. IF, and only IF, the family tries to shove them together then be upset…otherwise its a friend and you need to accept it or leave him be because he deserves a partner that isn’t going to make him choose. That never ends well for the partner.

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Go and make a new friend. Get over yourself and insecurites. If they grew up together and are still friends they will be friends forever.

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I don’t know why adults cant be actual adults how do you know this woman isn’t who is supposed to be your best friend?? You don’t want to meet her and seemingly dislike her based on the fact that she was in a relationship with your ex. I dunno.


I think it is disrespectful. But their house, their invitee list. So show up, smile, have a great time, show all of them why he is with YOU now. (That’s how I handle the shenanigans the MIL pulls)

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You need to grow up honestly. She’s basically a family member due to them growing up together. It’s seriously time for you to get over yourself honestly

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It’s THEIR home! if they grew up together she’s probably close to the family

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I think you need to grow up a little. Understand that they have known eachother for years. As you said they grew up together. My best friend that I was on and off with since we were 7, will always be a part of who I am. He will always be apart of my family. Who ever I’m with has to be ok with it, if they aren’t, I’ll leave them. Who can say they still have a best friend from when they were 7?

Both my exs are invited to my families things even if I don’t go just like my dad’s first wife was. My mom was also invited to every family function of my dad’s first wife’s family. We just became a huge family. U can’t ask people to accept and love someone as family then drop them like nothing

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You should save yourself the heartbreak down the road and cut things off with him now. Speaking from experience. It does not end well🤷🏼‍♀️


Their home, their dinner table and their invite. It’s up to you whether to go or not but it is not up to you who they invite. Just because you’re his new girlfriend doesn’t mean his family has to stop being friends with anyone and they definitely don’t need to ask for your permission and you have no right to ask them to. If he is not uneasy about it, why are you? I’m sure you’re not the first one he dated after her that his family has met. I’d be careful trying to be bossy or judgmental this early on because you may loose that battle since they all have been friends forever…as a matter of fact I’m sure you will loose that battle. Stop with the jealousy of his past and concentrate on a future with him. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Go an have a great time He obviously don’t wanna be with her or he wouldn’t be with you. They have a bond with her are they not sopose to interact with her because you are now in the picture. Think if it was the other way around an your family was close to your ex .Be kind an as long as she doesn’t try to cause conflict just be happy an enjoy you guys thanksgiving.

My current bfs sister is still best friends with his ex. She’s come to holidays, her kids have come as well. Is it awkward? For sure. But do I stress about it? Na. I’m confident in my relationship and I’m positive my bf and his family doesn’t want them back together, she’s just apart of their lives at this point.

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I see a lot of people telling you to grow up. Two sides to this story. Yes his mom does not need your permission who she invites to Thanksgiving dinner. However, I agree that this is disrespectful to you. Doesn’t this girl have her own family to spend Thanksgiving with. I would never do this to my son. Sounds like his mom has made up her mind who she prefers to see her son with. She needs to give you more of a chance. Go to dinner. Hold your head up high. Avoid conflict. Reconsider your relationship with him.


It’s their home, why would they ask your permission? They were courteous and informed you she would be there.

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Insecure much? Had they not invited you, you would be feeling some type of way. Your boyfriend can have dinner without you with his family. Will that make you feel better. It’s not gonna change the fact that they will still be inviting her. You’re the one missing out. And if you expect him not to go because of her you’re selfish and childish. Grow up.

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Y’all have got to STOP acting like men and women can’t be friends. My parents invite my ex from high school to everything, both before and after his fiance and he met. We ALL get along just fine, I adore his fiance and I’m so freaking happy for him. Why? Because we dated in high school and have grown up since then🤷‍♀️ we’re basically his second family at this point, some households are just like that. And the fact that they didn’t bring it up to you is NOT out of disrespect, I assure you. They probably just assumed you’d be grown enough to not have a problem with it. I strongly advise not proving them wrong. Give it chance.

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To each there own ! I feel it is very disrespectful ! My husband and I are the type of people that would tell them you can do what you want but we want be there !


I mean, I would show up. My fiancé is actually best friends with the guy I lost my v card to. He’s at literally every function we ever have. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.


I would go, feel it out, see how things go and this way you know for future invites. Is she bringing a boyfriend along with her? You have to respect that it is their home and she is a family friend that grew up with their son, if they dated years ago, it shouldn’t be a problem.

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I understand being uncomfortable id be too tbh. But if they have know her for many years compared to less than a year with you and they have a strong relationship then you can’t be upset at them. Theres a reason they broke up. You should go and show you are mature enough to handle the situation. You don’t have to stay long. And you never know she may bring a boyfriend and you all hit it off and have a good time. Or if its too much for you talk to his family and explain your feelings and why you won’t be coming if thats what you decide. Also think im sure she will feel even more awkward and may not even show up.

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Go to Thanksgiving. Be the sweetest, nicest person you can be. Be respectful to the girlfriend. Show his family what a truly good person you are.

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I’d be more concerned with you. If my child is with someone for 8 months & thinks that a family friend is a threat-Without even knowing the person- then I’d be very worried. Especially over a relationship that ended YEARS before? The ex grew up with that family so she’s like family! If someone who just came to the show thinks they should take priority over family then that’s the problem. Seriously! They didn’t ask you?

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Story of my life! My in laws do this crap all the time and we’ve been together 19 years married 15


One of my best friends I met through my husband. They were friends throughout middle and high school and used to hook up shortly after high school. That was 12+ years ago. Meeting her the first time was awkward because my husband was afraid to tell me they had a past so it played out weird. He and I had only been seeing each other for about 6 months, too. We are practically family, now, though. If we die, she is the designated guardian for our son. It’s about the individuals, trust, and maturity. I think it says a lot about who she is as a person if his family still invites her for holidays after they have broken up.

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Grow up. Go, be charming, you don’t have to become buddies. Show you are an adult. Look your best and smile a to. As they say kill her with kindness.

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I always went to my ex’s family get together we were married for 12 years even though we weren’t together we had 6 kids together and I will always be a part of the family

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I don’t see the big deal. I’ve been with my hubby 7 yrs. Was best friends with his ex wife when we were 17 . Baby sat their baby’s. Every event every holiday we all get together. She even got married on my bday and I was her brides maid in her wedding and she was my maid of honor in this marriage and my wedding with my first husband 20 yrs ago. . I’m very secure in my relationship. If the family invites his ex or not to events better meet her and get use to it.

They’ve known her for years. It sounds like she is still a good family friend. It IS possible for ex’s to be nothing but friends. Personally, it sounds childish to be upset about this. Go to thanksgiving, meet her, give her a real chance and leave the high school drama in high school and grow up.

I has a lot of time to think and this is gonna out harsh so sorry in advance. You are entitled. They don’t even have to invite you. They can invite anyone they want and don’t have to run it by you or ask how you or even your boyfriend will feel. You don’t know the relationship she has with his family. And their relationship was in high school. Go put a smile on your face and enjoy it. Or don’t go make your bf upset because his missing his family because you are the bitter girlfriend

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Sorry but it’s not your house and they can invite who they feel is necessary. It kinda sounds like you have jealousy issues when you should be looking at it differently because he’s with you now…

Now if your man has an issue with it then he has an opinion since it’s his family. So either you go or you don’t go.


Seeing everyone’s comments here so let me put in my comment.

From the girl who was and is still invited to my ex’s family gathering. We were together off and on 11 1/2 years. His family still regularly invited me to family dinners , holidays, vacays, you name it. I never once went if I was in a relationship or if he was in a relationship. The only time I did go to these family gatherings is if we were off and on again on the down low. I’ve known him and his family since we were 5 years old. It’s been 5 years since him and I were last a thing , they still call me their daughter in law and his father has even made comments to ex’s since then how I’ll always be his daughter in law and they need to get used to that. I however have not been with him nor been around his family in over five years now nor do I talk to them but they still invite me out and talk about me in the same sense.

He has had an on and off again girlfriend for the last 3 years and I personally know these things make her uncomfortable and she feels disrespected because it’s like she will always be playing second fiddle to someone she can’t compare to. (Her words not mine so don’t get crappy)

Point period , coming from the girl who still gets invited. It is very disrespectful and rude to the new spouse and 90% of the time it’s because the family has hopes they will eventually work out. From my point of view and my own being exactly like this. They all look at me as family even tho we aren’t a thing anymore and he’s not had a stable spouse since then due to this. Which I feel is completely appropriate because at some point it’s just not okay

I mean they were together in high school. Unless you’re still a teenager yourself, I don’t think it should be too weird. It’s probably someone they still see as family after her being around so long when they were young. If you don’t show up for that reason, it’s probably not gonna leave a great impression and you’ll feel worse if they like her and not you, because of your actions.

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You can look at it 2 ways. The first being upset and thinking it’s deceitful and they did it to be spiteful remeber if the facts they have only known you 8 months and probably don’t know how you feel about it. You have never met her or given her a chance and have no clue the circumstance…The family may also get upset about I needed drama and fee about you a certain way after making it a big deal.

Or you can be thankful you received and invite respecting the fact that they have known her for a long time and not all break ups are negative and hateful. She may be a close family friend now and no threat to you at all. Be confident, show up with a smile and have a good time. They may respect you more.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable but perhaps give it a chance and see or just don’t go.

U said “high school sweethearts” how old are you guys now? I think you should go to Thanksgiving dinner at your new boyfriend’s families house because you don’t know what it is until you show up to see what it is. Some people definitely have malicious intent when they do things like this but not everyone does and before you decide that their intention is to make you feel uncomfortable etc etc I think you should show up to Thanksgiving dinner with your new boyfriend and give him and his family the benefit of the doubt and find out for yourself if you have a right to feel the way you do right now or if you’re just overreacting. You won’t know the intention unless you go if you’re right you can always leave, if you’re wrong you get to enjoy holiday dinner with your new boyfriend and his family and make a good first holiday impression.

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“I don’t want to go because she’s gonna be there!” That sounds like YOU’RE in high school. Everyone has a past. And everyone has at least one ex they are still friends with.

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I mean, if they had children together, I could see. If not, I think they’re being disrespectful to you.

Please don’t let this be about me, please don’t let this be about me :grimacing::grin: I was invited but I’m not going. Lol But this needs to stop, seriously, women need to stop being so insecure…

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Go. They’ve known her for so long she probably feels like a part of the family. That doesn’t have anything to do with your relationship.
It would be different (unless this is the case here) if she was actively starting drama or trying to get back with him or causing issues – or if his family felt like he was better off with her and invited her to be sly.

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Go met her enjoy your day . Life is to short to be all stress out abt nothing . If you meet her and she is rude or is to close with your man then address it but dont create problems that dont exist.
I am still family with my sisters ex , she has passed on now but we are all still family .

You got to be the confident one I’d be happy to go, lucky he doesn’t have a babies momma already girl that’s your man now! These are things and feelings you definitely gotta work through imagine how you would be if you had kids! :hugs:

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I probably wouldn’t go lol . Too busy anyways

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Grow up.
She has been apart of their lives for years. She’s not his girlfriend you are. I’m sure they were CHILDREN when they dated.
Not a time your pettiness. This is when true colors come out. If you can’t meet HER and be apart of his past your not right for him! Move along and find someone who has never had a past!! SMDH​:woman_shrugging::roll_eyes:

Just because a couple breaks up doesn’t mean the family isn’t still friends with the ex. She is part of his life and you will have to accept that if you really love him. His family care for her so she is around. Causing a problem or not going will look bad on YOU not her. She was there first after all.

At this point I assume she’s a family friend and always will be. I think there’s nothing you can do about it. If you’re so sure your partner 100% loves you and has no feelings for her in that way any more then you shouldn’t have any worries. she’s going to be invited to more than just the holidays so I’m going to have to give you the advice that if you love him you’ll show up and be kind. It’s their home. They have a right to invite whoever they want without your permission. It’s up to you how you respond.

Man… there are so many other ways to address this without coming across as hurtful…

Express yourself to your partner. Express that if this were to happen again, you’d at least prefer to be part of the conversation, for the bare minimum of time to mentally prepare for an uncomfortable situation. Then, you still go to this dinner. The only way to beat an insecurity is to face it head on, and show it that everything is okay, and nothing has changed. You say your boyfriend loves you? Perfect. Keep living your life and he will prove his love to you, and your insecurities will fade.

How do I know all this? Because it’s a battle I have to face daily, myself. From experience, this is the only thing that worked.

You’ve got this. You’re stronger than your own mind.

Show up dont react. Now if they flirt then I’d have an issue but if they grew up together and is a long time friend nothing you can do unfortunately. It’s all about how he acts while she and you are both there and how they act together. If its concerning id say something. If he doesn’t care what you think move on

First yes I’d feel disrespected to bit as you stayed they known her since she was a child and it is their home so they technically don’t have to ask you if it’s ok regardless if they dated or not she’d most likely would’ve been invited regardless

You should go! Evaluate your feelings after. You should see the different dynamics for yourself while everyone is together. That will give you a lot more peace about the whole situation. See it all with your own eyes and then come give us the tea if/when it goes down! Make this your story, not theirs, girl!

Are you lacking confidence? It WAS high school, family friend, Just go and enjoy. It’s not like she’s going to steal him away it’s in the past! If this bothers you that much maybe you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Be confident meet the extended family, enjoy, have fun.

I was married 30 years. I’m now engaged to a wonderful man. However, I still invite my ex husband to everything. He’s my best friend and nothing more.

That’s fine, a bit weird for me, don’t you go to your mums or family instead with your boyfriend, don’t have to say anything, but they mite get the message they, and you mite have a better day, and something different for him, he just mite enjoy it, and you both will feel happier, enjoy your day :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Grow up, go and be with him, treat her with respect and everyone will see that you’re an adult. If you start out being insecure, don’t go and be with him/them; then you’re setting yourself up for failure. You said yourself that she’s a long time family friend and you’ve been in his/their life for 8 months. Please don’t ask him/them to accommodate your hurt feelings because they shouldn’t.

I don’t find it weird. My children’s dads side of the family invite me and my children’s sisters mom to thanksgiving and Christmas etc… My best friend since we were 17 years old is a man and he has always been invited to any and all holidays none of my ex’s have ever made an issue over it.
Is there some sort of back story or reason you feel uncomfortable?

She is not a dog so all this dont show fear advice doesnt apply, if you cant accept the fact that they were once an item but came to a point where they didnt “work” then just politely decline and say you dont want to make HER feel uncomfortable, take the high road theres less traffic

You show up and act like a caring adult. This oh I’m butt hurt cause they invited her and didn’t ask me is childish. They grew up together not a big deal.

Why would you think his parents are required to get your permission to invite someone they have known since childhood to their home? Unless you’re straight out of HS he has had more gfs than just her. She’s been family since she was a child and you’re simply his gf of 8 mths and for some reason you are intimidated by a relationship that has 0 to do with your bf.

I think they sound like a cool family! They accept her as a friend even after they broke up. She’s probably a nice girl and you don’t even want to meet her?
I have a solution. If you can’t even try to like her keep your petty butt home and don’t ruin Thanksgiving for them.

Me and my ex’s first baby mother are literally best friends. We truly believe a reason we had to be with such a monster is to bring us together.
I know the situation is different, but the takeaway is the same - sometimes unlikely friendships are the best, just because a situation may seem awkward doesn’t mean it will be.
Be mature, go, be open minded. If he loves you you have nothing to worry about anyway, right?

I say go. Yes it’s disrespectful, They should have talked to you. But sometimes in the long run . You might just benefit from it. :tipping_hand_woman::thinking::thinking:… Be your most happy and Be yourself.

I have spent holidays with x in laws that weren’t even my x in laws…my husband’s xinlaws are still very much around but that’s cuz we have the kids and honestly it’s fine as long as they show respect for our relationship. :woman_shrugging:t3: go and enjoy your time.

Don’t be jealous it can cause major disruption in your relationship. They grew up together and Clearly they are all still friends from childhood. Try and have and open heart and open mind.

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They probably think of her as a daughter.
I would just go and keep an open mind. You might even enjoy yourself and realize there is nothing to worry about.

If she’s been going before y’all were together that’s fine. If not they being shady.

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You’ve been in his life like 8 months. Not even a year.
She has been in their lives since high school I’m assuming. They dont need to run squat shizz by you just because they invited you over for dinner.
Get over yourself

Go! Show the family you are the only one for him; then next Thanksgiving, let HIM know no other girlfriend can be there!

I think it’s disrespectful, I mean that’s a red flag. This will not be the last time they’ll invite her. I’ll just go and stay cool but if they make things obvious then I’ll leave

I mean that’s annoying. But. If she has a continued relationship with them :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

She’s his EX u r his gf now. He chose u. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and don’t give it another thought.

I still spend holidays w my ex. My husband and I go. We broke up 15 years ago. But I love his family and knew them since I was 19. My ex brings his gf and we all get along. It’s only weird if you let it be.

Agree just go you never know you two might become friends and you might find out a little more about your boyfriend too that way one thing somebody said their house they get to invite whoever they want

Just go. You might like her.

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It’s thanksgiving so be thankful he’s yours . Enjoy my girl life can be full of surprises.

If you are this insecure about your new relationship, move on.

She’s a family friend. Keep it polite and friendly. Or go to Thanksgiving with family.

They grew up together. Which means she was around before they started dating. Friendship doesn’t need just cause you break up.

My husband and I are friends with most of our ex’s and their families. This shouldn’t be a big deal

Get over it. My ex has been at every family f7nction n activity since we split. He’ll this year I’ll have both ex husband’s n a current husband at my table. The kids matter…

You have to show you are the better person if you can’t then don’t go.

Break up n allow the man to be with someone mature…

Always show up. Don’t back down because someone else will be there.

You are lucky it wasn’t an ex-wife that’s what I had to go through

I think it’s very disrespectful

Mm yeah everyone can say you are being insecure but this is strange unless they’ve been doing it for years and even after broken up.

Its thier house they can invite WHO they want

I go and be nice be the bigger person

You should in fact show up and you should probably grow up also. Unless you want his family to end up not liking you with all of your insecurities.

You sound insecure and that’s not a good look. If your bf wanted to be with her (or she with him) they’d be together. I had a bf once give me a ultimatum between him and my bestie of over 30+ years and I chose her. No hesitation.


Sometimes people realize they are better off friends than in a romantic relationship and although they were high school sweethearts you never know what happened or how they feel now. If you can’t be a mature adult about it then you shouldn’t be in a relationship… Go, have fun, don’t let it ruin your holiday or don’t go and start your relationship off with insecurities and doubt. Your choice. But if it were me I’d grow up and go, you can most likely tell it there’s still feelings between them once you see how they interact together. Then you can make your decisions on how to handle the situation.


It was high school. Go. Be confident and open. I still chat with my high school sweethearts mom. I was also sad to lose her when we broke up.

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You dont go.
It’s too much to ask of you.

They can invite who they like…and your bf… of only 8 months …should go , if HE wants, without you to his family with your grace and blessing…no ultimatums…and no sulking retaliation after.

Make your own Thanksgiving plans and enjoy them.
Do the same for Christmas if it comes to that.
You may…want to reconsider your relationship if they continue to invite ex, and he chooses to go.
Chances are high…He’s not telling you…or them…everything.
There’s something funky…with his mother or him or both in this scenario…with you a new known girlfriend…and them expecting you would be comfortable with this atp…unless it’s some family tradition that all exes of all sibs are invited to everything every year…idk.
Stranger things happen, I guess.

His parents are cold blooded. Show up for sure. Don’t let them think you’re intimidated by her. They still like her fyi. True families stick behind their child’s choice. They shouldn’t have done that. And long time family friend or not, it’s disrespectful that they did that. Even more disrespectful that your boyfriend didn’t tell them not to invite her.