Hello, I am a single mom of a 2 years old. I work a lot, so my mom helps me to pick up my son from the daycare and stays with him until I get home. Normally I got home when he is already sleeping; I co-sleep with him, we live with my family. Every morning I wake up and get him ready to take him to the daycare. My problem is that my son has become so aggressive towards me. Also, when he is upset, he throws himself to the floor and starts hitting his head against the floor really hard. I have tried everything to make him stop doing that, but he still does it, and it’s getting worse. He cries and screams, and I am scared someday the neighbors will call the police because he is always doing that when something upsets him. I am desperate; at night, he sometimes doesn’t let me sleep, he wakes me up bc he complains, and I have to give him his bottle, or he has to hold my finger; otherwise, he starts complaining again or start crying in the middle of the night. He is two years and three months old. He doesn’t speak yet, but he understands everything I tell him or order him to do in Spanish and French. At this point, I am desperate and really frustrated. He does that just with my mom and me. At the daycare, he is well behaved, and he is very nice with other kids and very lovable. I don’t know what to do; please help !!!
Momma…you are his safe place, where he feels he can express himself and let all his emotions out safely in a nurturing environment…it won’t be like this forever just hold on and give him what he needs which is YOU
Talk to his doctor, there could be other issues going with him and figuring them out will allow you to help him the best.
Sounds like he’s just being a toddler to me
My son is almost 2. He’ll be 2 in 11 days. He does this as well. Especially when he doesn’t get his way. I’ve talked to his doc about it and she has just told me he’s in the “terrible 2’s”. That as long as he’s not hurting himself when he bags his head that he will be fine. She does keep up with me on it if he does it a lot or if he hurts himself. She told me the only thing I can do is comfort him as he’s expressing his emotions and everything else. She did tell me if I want to have him looked at by a “specialist” all I have to do is say so. I’d definitely keep an eye on it and it if you’re worried I’d talk to your doc about seeing someone.
I would work on him learning to talk at 2 years old
Is the only time he gets with you is a short time before daycare and then if he happens to wake up at night? If so, I wonder if the acting out isn’t because he misses you… I mean to me that’s a 2 yr old behavior but if he’s unable to express his emotions it could be worse
Terrible twos. But I think he’s missing you and it’s about getting attention. He’s starting to notice your absence more now as his awareness develops.
When he’s having the head smashing tantrums, put a pillow under his head (or try) so that he doesn’t hurt himself. Or pre-apologise to your family, say you “gotta do this”… go lay down beside him… start having your own tantrum, stomping your feet and hitting the floor while screaming. Oftentimes it surprises the crap out of the kid and they stop what they’re doing to watch. When you stop, if he starts again, do it again, over and over until he realizes your scream is louder than his. Did it a few times with my kids, but I’d start laughing so hard by the ridiculousness of it all they’d start laughing too.
If you’re co-sleeping, let him hold on to your finger, it helps him feel secure. It assures him that you’re there. Keep his bottle ready and nearby for when he wakes up.
He sounds normal to me… Normal for his age
Sounds like he is seeking attention…he needs his mommy
I would maybe speak to the doctor , it sounds like he is just frustrated with things , and tbh he feels he is safe with u so can act out with you and your mum and if he isn’t speaking that could be frustrating for him also , I know you said he is only 2 and 3 months but does he say any words at all as this maybe something to look into with your doctor also as this can be frustrating for some children as well when they want to say something and can’t obviously being only two there isn’t that expectation that he is going to come out with sentences but even just a few little words like mum and Nan and things like that so would defo get in contact with doctor x
Sounds like he’s picking up ugly habits from daycare or thise around him.
4 kids they a did this at that age it seem not normal at first but it will pass.
My daughter did this all that too! She grew out of it but it was definitely difficult even though its surprisingly common and “normal” for a kid to go through this faze. However with him not speaking maybe think about getting him screened for autism of he show any other behaviours that often relate to being on the spectrum. You got this mama
This is all normal … it’s not pretty but it’s normal … as hard as it is try making a day / time a week just for him let him help you plan an activity to do together … he will have something to look forward too . You are his safe space so all his little feelings he does not know how to tell you how he’s feeling … so he’s lashing out the only way he knows how . But because you are his safe place he’s letting all these feelings out towards you . If he goes to bed early maybe try letting him stay up a little longer so you have some one on one time with him . He honestly just needs his mama
Check for ADHD. My kid survived it
If your son is acting lovely at daycare out in the world it’s because you have built a safe space at home. When he is out he knows he needs to follow social rules of behaviour but throughout the day he experiences a lot of emotions - so when he is home he can finally release them in his safe space with you and your mum. As terrible as it is for you it means he feels safe to express him himself and still be loved no matter what. Have you ever heard of circle of security? It’s a parenting course I attended that explains all of this and just makes so much sense! Plus he is 2, experiencing a major load of emotions and understanding in his world and might need you a little more right now as he works through it all. I have four little ladies under 6 and know how frustrating it can be but you’re doing amazing mama xx
He is 2. They aren’t called the terrible 2s for nothing.
My son threw some epic tantrums when he was that age too…usually only with me. I’d pick him up, put him either in a playpen or crib…someplace safe…and tell him when he settles and is ready to talk to me, I’ll talk to him…then I would straight ignore him. If he climbed out and came looking for me and started the tantrum again…same thing, and I’d say the same thing. Sometimes it took a couple tries, but I didn’t give up and he would eventually calm himself and come find me and I’d ask if he was ready to talk. He didn’t talk much at that age either, but he eventually understood that when he was calm, I was more apt to listen to what he was trying to tell me. As far as the middle of the night, same kind of thing, start explaining to him that if he acts a certain way, he is going to have to sleep in his own bed…set one up so that he can see it…and if he has the behaviors in the middle of the night, put him in his bed. You will have to do this over and over and explain each time that until he is ready to be calm and sleep, he can’t be in bed with you. You are going to be EXHAUSTED…I think a lot of people underestimate the willpower of a toddler, so you may want to start this on a weekend or something…but again, with consistency, it can be done and it can be done safely. Make sure everything is finished out with “I love yous” and hugs. My son is 17, almost 18, and still rarely gets an attitude with me…and on the off chance that he does, he almost always apologizes for it. It is a lot harder on you mentally, physically and emotionally, than it is on them…just hang in there…you got this Momma
My grandson did this then we found out he was being mistreated at daycare once he was taken out of daycare his behavior changed
He wants your attention, and can’t verbalize how he is feeling, when kids pitch fits and can’t speak its usually out of a frustration of some kind that he cant communicate.
Sounds like a typical toddler. This is how my daughter is. The tantrums and dropping to the floor was very common in my house. My cousin and I both decided it was for attention and we didnt want to reinforce bad behavior. In turn we tell her when shes ready to use her words that she can come to us. We then leave her to finish her tantrum. Within 5 ish min shes up and coming to one of us to sit in our lap and calmly tell us whats wrong. We explain we dont understand when she screams and yells. The angelic behavior at daycare versus home is also normal. Mini is an angel, quiet, helpful and sweet at daycare, hardly talks ubless necessary. At home shes got her volume up to 11 and sometimes mariah carey octaves, runs plays and doesnt ever stop talking. Its a comfort thing with being at home where they know they can fully express themselves in a safe space. The not speaking at 2 would be a concern for me. Definitely something to address with your pedi.
Sounds normal, even the head banging part lol my kids both did that. They stopped and they are healthy fit boys …so don’t worry. Your doing a job if he’s behaved at daycare
I’d get the toddler off of the bottle for starters. But it sounds like realitively normal toddler behavior. He may be struggling with not seeing you all the time. Obviously you need to work if you need to work. But kids don’t understand bills. Or even how much his milk cost or diapers or toys ect. Don’t be hard on yourself💞
Therapy. Especially if he isnt talking.
He sees you when you wake him up to get him ready for daycare. He’s asleep when you get home.
Maybe it’s the fact he dont see you much?
I would get a spot for time outs/cool down, also I would have him checked for a speech delay. He is probably frustrated he can’t communicate with you.
Sometimes if a child is learning multiple languages there is a little speech delay. You may want to teach him sign language for kids to help him express himself, or have a chart with different emoji faces he can point to to tell you how he feels. Get him screened if you want, but this sounds like typical toddler behavior. I saw little T-shirts in a catalog that said, “Warning! I am two”. This should pass eventually.
Maybe if you spent time with him and showed him love #sorrynotsorry
It is normal but still points to something disrupting in his life. He most likely feels safest around you and family so he knows he can tell you how he really feels (which at a non speaking age just includes lots of meltdowns)
It’s a phase . But make sure grama is not hurting him
He is 2… that can be common. Many times they will stop hitting their head, etc. if you ignore the behavior. This is a VERY hard time for little ones. They DO understand but they can’t convey their own feelings which leads to frustration. Reinforce “no hitting!” or whatever you use, restrain his hands gently if necessary. If he doesn’t grow out of it around 4, he may have more going on.
Ignore him when he throws the fits, and tell him how it makes you feel when he hits you
My 2 year old son throws a lot of tantrums (including head banging) and is also speech delayed. I tuck something under his head (like a blanket) if he’s being really rough on himself and ask him to stop but I do not feed into the behavior. Also, I try to remind myself how frustrated I would be if I couldn’t communicate my needs or wants to someone and it calms me down while the tantrums are going on. This too shall pass, hang in there!
He doesn’t know how to express that he is sad he and misses you.
Just let him take his fits,ignore him,the more you scll him the worse he’ll get,he wants attention that’s all.
Hes trying to tell you something, listen
My son is nearly 4 and this is exactly how he acts with me, and I’m a stay at home mum so he spends lots of time with me. When he’s throwing a tantrum, just ignore him till he calms down, leave the room he’s in if you have to, just for a breather, works with me and even the nursery does it with mine
Bust his ass with a belt.
Sounds like terrible twos and separation anxiety. The is to shall pass
My son used to do the same along with biting himself during frustration and i tried everything. Turned out he had a lot of food allergies and he was irritated from the inside out…litterly.
Keep a food and behavior chart maybe? Doesn’t hurt, just a possibility.
He needs ur attention is all and start teaching him to talk
Then let him hold your finger and cuddle. He’s wanting love and attention!! Poor baby
My advice for you is when he’s having a tantrum sit on the floor and tightly your arms around him to prevent him from hurting his self you well feel that he’s more angry but don’t give up when you feel him calming down gently start to release him very slowly and once you do that if you feel like he’s going to do it again hold him tightly again until he realizes that you’re in control trust me I went through it with my son and it worked was recommend by his doctor your just protecting him from hurting himself you got this mommy GOOD LUCK AND YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMY
I also forgot to mention if he’s kicking put each of your legs on his
Sometimes the hurting themselves and frustration also not talking can be a sign of autism I would talk to the daycare and ask what they think of it. Best of luck x
My daughter used to do that not so much anymore… we found with the head hitting just walk away and ignore them it’s attention seeking as she know we would fuss her if she did that… as soon as we ignored it she stopped… sounds like he a) wants more time with you and so acting out to get your attention but b) if he can’t talk yet he might be getting frustrated he can’t communicate with you what he really wants… maybe see if he has any signs that he needs something like subtle hints you need to get into his mind… imagine you want something but could not tell people you would get angry to x
Sounds like he’s attention seeking, maybe he’s missing you and going through something emotionally. It’s also very frustrating from toddler not to be able to communicate their needs/wants. Has he been evaluated for his lack of speech? He may have other undetected issues going on.
Have you talked to his pediatrician?
At least if you ask his pediatricians advise, you can rule out other issues.
Also teaching him a few signs (ASL), to help him communicate, would be helpful.
At 2y3m, if he isn’t yet speaking, he’s probably very frustrated. If you haven’t already, teach him some sign language. Given your schedules he’s probably fighting for your attention and reactions too so make sure you’re spending some one to one time with him at the weekends.
But know this above all else, 2year olds are all pretty mean creatures!!
Sorry to say but this sounds like most 2 year olds
Just keep going it will pass!
Be firm but fair and remember they are learning all about the world and their emotions
The head banging will be due to him being non verbal - it’s frustration as he can’t communicate
Have you seen someone about him not speaking? Speech delay in my experience brings many tantrums as they understand but can’t communicate their needs effectively , my middle child didn’t talk till 4 , as soon as he did his temper tantrums more or less stopped x
Cut out gluten from his diet. Honestly it may make a difference.
He has hit his terrible 2s by the sound of it .
He is 2… They are learning and trying to understand what is going on…All children throw tantrums,that’s life…He is obviously missing you and so especially during the night he wants to feel safe and secure so he is holding your finger and being close to you…He may be getting frustrated because he can’t day what he wants to say,that is where you need to try and help him with words ect…
It can be overwhelming but we all go through it and you will get through it…
He may be crying for attention…between daycare & work how much quality time are you spending with him? I’m in no way criticizing. My kiddo kinda did the same thing. He missed Mommy & me time sooo bad.
it could be part of the terrible twos, it could be something else entirely. Definitely stay consistent with discipline. I would also talk to your pediatrician, it concerns me that he’s not talking much and is acting out aggressively. There could be other things that play here and it wouldn’t hurt to have a medical professional look into it to rule that out.
I say this with love as a mom and a grandma of a 2 yr old who is very similar. Have him tested have his pediatrician put him in speech therapy as soon as possible . When he has his tantrums pick him up and set him on a time out spot that is soothing to his senses . It very hard job being a mom it’s made harder by work and life.
Make sure to schedule " just me time" for mommy and him. If he lays on the floor and throws a fit because he’s not getting his way…walk away for a few…he will stop if its not getting the desired effect.
My advice would be to stay consistent in your punishments, at the same time reassuring him that you love him. I went through the same thing with my oldest daughter and allowed it to continue too long. Once she got a little big older, I finally had enough of it and I popped her in the mouth. I’m tough but still very loving and she understands now that she is responsible for her own actions. Whether it is good or bad, she knows that she has to accept the conquences if she chooses to behave in that manner. Since he is still younger, you have a better chance of him not behaving in that manner if you stuck to what you preach to him and always follow through with what you say.
He is definitely testing the waters. He is trying to find his place. He is two. If he understands you, then you could teach him sign language to communicate. It could be frustrating for him, because he can’t get his point across to you because he does not speak yet. Singing and reading a book always settled down my children. Good luck.
Personally bottle needs to go but it seems u work a lot or hes at daycare I dont know if its possible to schedule time for you guys to spend together everyday or how or where u work that maybe u can be incorporated into the bedtime routine whether its taking a 5-10min break each night at same time to facetime tell him story say your goodnights try timeout chair for his behaviors maybe a sticker chart for good and bad behavior to earn something such as a dollar car or ice cream cone
If he is well behaved at the day care then means there is nothing wrong with him and doesn’t need a doctor as it’s clear he knows how to control himself. As for the bottle, try getting him off it on a road trip or somewhere outside his comfort zone where he may forget about the bottle. Schedule some one on one time with him. When he throws a tantrum, quickly distract him with something fun! And remember he’s only 2. It will get better.
He might not have the words to tell you something is wrong
He wants your attention he seems to never see you.
Why is he still on a bottle
I would make a Doctor’s appointment asap. Praying for you Momma.
Could be on the spectrum.
Wowwww!!! Really he doesn’t speak yet at 2 and bottle oh my gosh I’m not trying to mom shame you but none of that is normal I think it’s time for a doctor something is wrong I understand you work but he suppose to be off the bottle at 1 yr old and as far as the being aggressive yea discipline time out home him as many times as you have even at night he interrupting your sleep anyway so you have to do what you have to do don’t let him control thing or else it’s gonna get worse I promise you
You only see him long enough to drop him off at daycare and come home after he is asleep. You said it yourself. So he sees you maybe an hour a day. People are replaceable at jobs, but he is your child forever and will soon be old enough to realize he never sees you, plays with you, goes places with you…
This truly sounds like separation anxiety. He is most likely missing you and this is the only way he can express it.
My son does the same thing. He sleeps with my husband and I and when he gets mad he hits himself, us the floor etc. My husband did it. We put him in time out and he cries until he calms down and then life continues. He also doesn’t talk yet but is non verbal and we know what he wants. I wouldn’t get too freaked out yet. My son isnt autistic and plays just fine with his sister and everyone else. His Dr wasn’t concerned at all at his 2 yr check up and neither am I. I’ve been working in pediatrics for 17yrs and have 2 kids. My son is attached to me all day because I’m his mom. Both my kids had night terrors so him waking up might be that. I just rub his back and tell him to go back to sleep. Not everything is Autism!
I would talk to your pediatrician for expert advise and they can guide you in the right direction. You are doing the best you can. You and your mom are his safe place. Being a single parent is not easy. Im glad you have your mom as a support system for you and him. Sometimes you just have to take things day by day, hour by hour sometimes. You are doing your best, that is what counts. From a Single mom of three adult children diagnosed with autism raised totally by me. Please feel free to reach out. You and him will be ok.
Have him tested just to be sure but they don’t call it the terrible two’s for nothing. This is the time( before teen years) that they test their limits. My normally sweet great granddaughter pulled it on me just this week. I simply told her that I was closing my ears and not going to listen while she was acting that way. I turned, walked out of the room. She followed screaming. I just acted like I couldn’t hear her. After a few minutes, that was the end of that. In return though ,give him extra hugs and snuggles and tell him how proud you are when he has been good.
This seems like separation issues. I’m sorry your going through this. Learning multiple languages will delay speech also, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that yet. He literally just misses you and wants your attention and company. Good luck. Maybe you can plan a date time with him so it’s just you and him and he can have all of your undivided attention.
Don’t wait for it to get even worse. Try seeing a Child Psychologist and see what they say. This lil guy sounds miserable and needs his Mommy…just saying
Maybe he just needs more mommy time. The bad behavior could be what gets him the most attention?make time to rock him in your lap. Read stories. I know it’s hard.
These answers that it’s the mom’s fault are insane. I have two friends with autistic kids and they both showed these behaviors. My mom also has friends with autistic kids with similar behaviors. The child needs to be tested.
You need to spend more time with him. He needs his mother. 2 year olds are a handful as it is. If necessary switch your hours or try to get another job.
When mine did that, I would get in the floor and copy his actions. If he was kicking and screaming, I would do it too but louder, he would stop and look at me like I was crazy, but he stopped because I guess he saw it wasn’t working for him. If he bit me, I bit him back, they learn quick, worth a try on your end, get grandma in on it too.
Couple of things
If he’s not speaking, get a hearing test. If that doesn’t turn anything up, look into evaluation by a specialist for development issues/ autism. But I definitely wouldn’t go this direction until sorting other things out.
Spend more time with him.
He’s probably missing you and therefore protesting daycare. Play with him but also actively encourage speech and language. Games where he matches and names things. See how they go
A lot of kids get violent if they can’t communicate because they are frustrated and can’t say. Best to address now while he’s small and containable
Best of luck
Try some pcit therapy, it helped with some of my sons behaviors like that. Turns out he also has some other special needs, but it really helps with the negative attention seeking behavior
Children are there worst for their parents. You are their safe place. They know their parents will love them not matter what. He holds it in all day and behaves which takes a lot for a two year old. Then when he is with you he lets it all out.
Oh boy…the terrible two’s! The next time you have a couple days off straight- end the co-sleeping. Get a toddler bed in your room if he doesn’t have a separate room. If you’re not sleeping well, he probably isn’t either. Ignore the temper tantrums. Attention will make them worse. Try putting a pillow down when he hits his head but other than that ignore negative behavior. Stay strong momma!! You will both get through this! I know you heard it before but it is just a stage!
I think he is just wanting your attention. It’s hard being a parent much less a single one. Seems like you dont get to spend much time with him. Sometimes kids will behave good/bad for the attention.
Well if you have not see his doctor about the not talking you need to do that asap so they can help you get therapy for him to start talking. He’s already missed milstones and it sounds like he has delays. The aggression is probably because of lack of communication and he is probably frustrated that he can’t tell you what he wants and needs.
My Daughter did that so when she threw a fit I got down in the floor kicking screaming she thought I was crazy wasn’t long until she stopped
First of all I am stubborn my son slept with me till he was like 2.5 and sometimes after that. I’m different than most moms though I say you have to go with your gut feelings. I go on vacation they go. Anywhere I go they go. Except work. If they are making you do alot of ot ask for a week off at least every 3 months. Spend time with him. When you get home watch his movies not yours they grow on you dont worry. Try the vitamin supplements. Kids are all f
Different. They dont get attention they will seek it the negative way. Keep positive your doing good mom.
He’s looking for your attention because your not there. Cuddle with him extra time.
He misses you: is mad at you for leaving. As moms we have that guilt of what we want to do and what we have to do. Plan some fun activities for weekends. He will be o.k. so long as he is loved.
My grandson did this when he was that age and it turned out he was having bad migraines headaches . He wasn’t talking then so he couldn’t tell us he was hurting he would just cry and hurt his head on thing he could . It wouldn’t hurt to get him checked out for that . God bless you . Good luck
He will be ok. Just needs time with you. If he slept in his own bed be better so u can sleep. Kids always get rough when need attention. I know u work. But try everyday to do something. At daycare he gets lots attention. Keep chin up. I have five grown kids. 14 grandkids. It gets better
34 years of daycare. It’s totally normal behavior. He throws fits for Mom and Grandma because they are his safe place. He has to hold his frustration in all day until he is with his loved ones. He is frustrated with not being able to communicate with you . I would just ignore as much as you can and be super rewarding for the good behavior. This too shall pass .
It is common for bilingual children to speak a little later than others of the same age.
He sounds like he needs extra time with you if you can manage it. Lots of love , cuddles and reassurance.
Maybe something is going on at Daycare? He obviously is trying to tell you something. Bless his heart.
Talk to his dr. My son did the same thing. He was very stubborn and very angry because he wasn’t or didn’t want to communicate with me. We got him into a program that tested him for autism and they came once a week to help with his communication.
Sounds to me like he just needs some one on one with mommy. He is fine in daycare so I would doubt it is autism. Many bilingual children can have sealed spearheaded which is frustrating for them. Try some scheduled mommy time. Good luck💕
Check his hearing. If he hears ok. Tell him to say what he wants. He won’t talk if he can scream and get what he wants. You can put him in timeout. In a high chair or on a rug. My granddaughter was doing it. Once everyone got on board with time out. Her behavior improved. No rewards for screaming. Talk to the doctor.
Terrible 2s. When he throws himself in the floor make sure he is safe and walk away. Lots of children do that.
He probably misses you and is looking for attention anyway he can get it. I would definitely set up a doctors appointment and figure out why he’s not talking and see if he has any other delays. IMO only, 2 is to old to still be using a bottle. Also maybe learn some sign language together to help him communicate how he’s feeling.
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There may be something going on at daycare. You may want to take him to a doctor to make sure he didn’t get hurt physically or emotionally at daycare