My child refuses to tell me they love me: What can I do?

Keep telling him you love him

Do they feel loved by you? If the child isn’t feeling loved, then that’s why they’re not saying it. There is probably a disconnect and the child may not feel loved or safe with you anymore. Nobody knows your situation or what has transpired, so nobody can say one way or another.
I will tell you that when my kids saw their grandparents had nothing to do with them, then blatantly ignored them at their cousins birthday party, they had a sudden disconnect from their grandparents. My kids range from 7-15, and all 4 felt it. It hurt them, and over time, they didn’t want to talk to them or have anything to do with them. After talking with the kids, and listening to their hurt, I addressed the situation with their grandparents (my husbands parents), and the grandparents have slowly asked to see them more.
Talk with your kiddo and see what they have to say, and don’t tell them they’re wrong, just listen.

Don’t force it , don’t make it big deal , when he go bed or leave just say I love u , if yall relationship is good he say it sooner or later… my stepson wouldn’t say it to his bio mom came bk after 3.5 yrs , she would say I love u he just say ok goodnight it took 6 months for him to actually say it bc he fear of getting hurt again by her… 5 yrs later they don’t really dint have relationship again he said he can’t say ily if don’t mean it :woman_shrugging:,… my son 2.5 yrs old and he is speech delay and haven’t Said Ily …but idk I just want him to talk idc what he say at this point any word is better then nothing :person_shrugging:

My kids don’t say it back either but every now and then they randomly tell me they love me but NEVER when I tell them I love you they just act like they don’t hear me :joy:

Some kids just don’t say it you did nothing wrong and can’t force him to say it

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You say you love him. And you say it because it speaks your heart. You don’t say it to hear it back. Teach that the act of saying I love you is unconditional. So no condition it needs to be said back.

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You can’t make them say it, the fact that your wanting to make him say it and force it, might be why he’s refusing to say it. Forced I love yous are not real. Forced hugs are not real.

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Mine does the same thing at times … let it go they don’t let it bother they are 6

I asked this in a local mom group because I felt my 6 year old…was purposely not saying it back and it was hurtful

The main response I got was love is not conditional…we aren’t saying I love you to hear it back…we are telling our kids we love them…so they know

A way to say it without them feeling pressured is saying “you are loved” instead

My son mostly grew out of it

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Some kids just don’t. My son is 20. He tells me every once in a while. My other kids tell me all the time. It’s just how he is. Don’t force it. Just make sure that you tell him you love him

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Have you done something to disappoint him? Then apologize.

It’s a fase! Mine went though it, just whatever you do don’t make a game of it like I did or it’ll never end, I thought making it funny would get him to give lovens but no lol he just wanted to keep doing it cuz he thought that I thought it was funny too lol

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I love you is something me and my kids and the hub tell each other all the time, it normal for us… me kids tell each other randomly to. Don’t force it normalize it

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You cant make him say it, and why would you want to? Just keep telling him that you love him and leave it at that. Don’t make a big deal about it and don’t let it hurt your feelings. My youngest doesn’t like saying it either…that’s FINE. I know that she does love us, she just doesn’t like saying it…I didn’t either as a kid. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love people.

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He’s just going thru a phase especially little boys. Mines going through it too. I just say fine I love you enough for the both of us. And let it be done at that. Don’t force it bc it’ll make him not wanna say it that much more

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Ah…get over it?
Why do you think making them say it is a good idea?

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My son has always been like that too. He’s almost 10 now and he definitely shows his love in different ways now than just saying it. I mentioned it to my mom and she brought to my attention that I was the same way and that was an eye opener. Kids are kids and all are different, but trust me, he loves you in ways you can’t imagine🤍

Love does not demand it’s own way. Keep saying you love him without any expectations . One day , out of nowhere he will say it back to you , and it will be coming 100% from his heart, not because he’s forced to say it

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My son is a lover, he tells me he loves me and will come find me and hug me goodnight every single night. He even thanks me for making dinner or buying dinner every night, even if we have chips and cheese or something very simple. Lol :two_hearts:

… my daughter on the other hand… she never says anything, no hugs goodnight, and doesn’t say any I love you’s. Very rarely I’ll get an “I love you” but that’s if she is going to a sleep over. I still continue to tell her every night.

She doesn’t like to be touched and she isn’t a lovey dovey person. That’s just how she is.

Just be cause she doesn’t say it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me. I’m her momma. I know she loves me. Same with you. I’m sure your son loves you. He just may not be verbal about it.

Just keep telling him you love him. What’s important is that he knows how much you love him.

You keep being their loving mother and showing and verbalizing your love and support. Let them come to things naturally other than feeling the pressure.

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May just be a phase. Keep trying. Give it a lil time

Your kids don’t owe you anything :innocent:
Maybe just chill out and let him come to you??
Deep breath work and self care so you learn to love yourself enough that you aren’t emotionally dependent on your child :two_hearts:
Theres my advice

My middle child doesn’t say it either? But I know she loves me a lot. She doesn’t need to say it. I would like it if she did say it! But I don’t take it personally.

Their six. Get over it .

My son did this for a while and I just continued to tell him that I loved him and now he tells me a 1000 times a day. He is 7

Actions speak louder than words. My teen won’t say it but once a week. I usually get a “you too” or “back atcha” :joy: On occasion I get a “thank you. I love you.”

For starters you shouldn’t be demanding your child to say I love you to anyone other than who they want… you’re going to create habits that are not in the best interest if your child…

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Did they say it when they were younger?? That’s usually one of the first “phrases” kids learn when learning to talk🤨

Stop making such a big deal about it. The phase will pass and the kiddo will look for other reactions to draw out of you.

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Don’t force it, he will tell you in his own time when he is ready

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Continue to do what you’re doing. He may decide to say it back one day. He loves you, and he’s sure of your love.

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Did he grow up with you saying it to him all the time?

Girl both my babies are lovers. One is 12, he gives me a hug and kiss before bed every night and randomly tells me he loves me and gives me quick hugs. He doesn’t let me hug him in front of his friends anymore though. And my baby girl is 3 and she’s mommies girl, no doubt. Hugs kisses asks me if I’m OK. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and she’s always asking about the baby and kissing my belly lol. I guess I got lucky. And I don’t think you can change that, he’s gonna realize what you mean to him. You’re showing and saying what ya gotta, you’re doing your part

You may be trying too hard. Back off and just let it come naturally. No one likes to be told how they feel.

My 7 yr old is too cool for his mom. Barely says bye. Embarrassed to hold my hand in a parking lot lol deff doesn’t tell me he loves me or goodnight which hurts a little but only cuz he’s growing up lol boys are usually like that. From what I’ve seen with the little boys in my family. Little girls are way more loving :blush:

Affection is weird. I wasn’t hugged as a kid I didn’t take well to it ever when my parents attempted it. I don’t do hugs or touching now. Some kids are just like that. Affection is honestly gross to me.

He’s probably just realized he has the ability to not say it back automatically. This mean when he does say it, it will be intentional not just a reflex. It can sting but don’t make more out of it than the small stretch of autonomy that it is.

Kids are weird !! No worries

My daughter is 6 as well and she won’t say it. She is pretty shy and I’m sure this is part of being an introvert. It took a long time to say things like please and thank you. We’re very frustrated by this, for sure. We tell her we love her at bedtime, etc. Her twin brother asked her who/what she loves, and she said iPad and candy! And like 10 minutes later she said she loves farts! I did tell her that was hurtful.

What I have done with her before when she won’t say something like this is ask her to draw a picture instead. She loves drawing and she’ll make a greeting card that says how she feels, but she simply can’t say the words. I guess this will develop more later. It’s frustrating, and we’re trying to make some improvement and explain this to her.

To everyone saying “you can’t make someone love/say they love you” ai think you’re missing the point. The post had unfortunate wording. I don’t think this parent wants to force it. They’re just asking for help with this situation. Please don’t criticize.