My dad and I do not have a relationship because of his wife: Advice?

Hello, I am a married 37 year old woman with 1 child (14 years old) my father with whom I’ve been close with all my life re-married in 2014. Since then, there has been nothing but problems stemming from his wife. She has done nothing but try to cause division between my dad and I by making up false stories etc. 3 years back my name was still on his house that he bought when he was single because I was living there and paying expenses. Well to make long story short, I moved just across the city line and she turned me into his school thus causing me nothing but problems. Fast forward to last summer and we went on vacation with them. We split the cost of the camping fees and I provided food for the whole week. We come back from vacation and she tells my sister that they had a horrible time and that they paid for the whole vacation. After hearing this from my sister; I removed her for good from my life. Since doing this, my dad has not seen me or reached out to me in 8 months. I feel like your relationship with your child shouldn’t be contiged upon if they have a relationship with your spouse or not!!! I’ve tried over and over to forgive and move on…and then she does something else!!! I miss my dad terribly, but I feel like I can’t give in to keep going through this pattern of unacceptable behavior. Please give me thoughts and opinions…and what I might want to do going forward!!!


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My dad and I do not have a relationship because of his wife: Advice?

It sounds like he picked his wife and doesn’t care to have a relationship with you since he hasn’t reached out to you. Maybe his wife told him to pick and he picked her. Honestly I’d leave it alone. Trying to get involved will just cause more issues and drama for you.

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Reach out to him and ask if you can meet with just you two. Try to meet in the middle. Maybe he just don’t know how to handle things.


I would go see my dad. Put the cards on the table in front of her or not. Let him know about the lies Dad may not know and thinks your the one causing problems. At least that way you tried and if your dad still chooses not to be in contact with you than it’s on him and you don’t have to feel guilty.


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I have told my husband from the beginning that my stepdaughter comes before me no matter what she is about to be 12 and we have an amazing relationship but she comes first in my eyes it could be bc I love her like my own and she lives with us but your fathers wife should want a good relationship with you if she really loves him


Spend time with your dad alone and when she lies bring it up in front of them both. Your dad knows the truth and will handle it


Well, the school thing is definitely your fault so blame no one for that except yourself. Otherwise she’s just :wastebasket:


Stepmonster’s suck :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

Going through the same with my dad… Close all of my life. He is 66 and his new gf is 37 (only 2 years older than me). She has completely out a wedge between he and I. Also, got him into legal trouble and also lied and said her newest child is his… (The child actually belongs to her own father!). :face_vomiting:


Have you reached out to him in that time? I would try to talk to him and let him know you still want a relationship with him. Then the ball is in his court.


You stepmother is jealous of your relationship with your dad, nothing you can do but step back and live your life…hopefully he will realize she is a trouble maker & toxic FYI at least it isn’t your real mother like some


Go see your dad. Tell him you miss him and want to have a relationship with him. But also tell him you don’t like it when his wife tells lies about you and that’s why you don’t have contact with her. Tell him some of the things she has said and who she said them to. Let him be able to check for himself. If he tells you he doesn’t want to see you anymore, that he picks his wife over you, then you’ll know. But if he isn’t aware of the conflict, you’ll have made him aware of it.


Reach out to dad and ask to meet ALONE. If he is not willing then he chose his wife over you.


So just reach out to your dad. Don’t say anything bad about his wife. But tell him you miss him


Talk to your Dad communicate why you cut off communication and talk to him. What he chooses to do after that is his option but, at least you got things off of your chest and told him so he is not left wondering why.

I’d say reach out to just your dad and meet up.

I wad a daddy’s girl my whole life…then her got a new girlfriend. Thought she was great at first. Then slowly but surely my father became more and more distant, he married her. Had no idea till Facebook. Now I firmly believe the wife deletes any message I send him. I don’t remember the last time I talked to him.
We did move to the middle of the country 5 years ago, but never once has he called me.
And I’ve had 1 son since and one of the way.
I stopped trying. As much as it hurts, it hurt more and more trying.


Reach out and ask to meet then

Talk to your Dad. This makes me sad and mad.


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How does your dad not see she is lying and causing conflict? I’m sorry but my child will ALWAYS come first. I’m a single mom but if I ever remarry my kid comes first.


Reach out to your dad. Talk about how you feel. This could be a DV/control relationship. If that’s the case she pushed you away intentionally so your dad has no where to turn. Tell your dad you will available to him & hold no resentment towards him. He may or may not accept it. But at least he knows you’re there.


I can’t believe your Dad hasn’t reached out to you and at least tried to figure out how to make it work for you guys. I’m sorry Sweetie

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Shes putting a wedge between so he writes you off and she gets it all.


Invite him out to lunch.

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Sounds like you are going to have to be blunt with his wife. She is his wife you are his daughter you are more important. Your children come before your spouse no matter what and she needs to understand that.

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Grown woman. Grown man. You didn’t have to like each other’s choice in partner but you do have to respect each other’s choice. Come on at 37 surely you can figure out a way to maintain a relationship with your dad if that’s what you want and let him be married to his wife.

Was she not like this before he married her??? It’s sad to say and I am speaking from experience that men will most always choose the wife over their children especially when they are older simply because they do not want to be alone. I don’t see him changing or leaving her or even correcting her for you. Sorry.

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I’d sit down with both of them and your sister . Put all cards on the table . Look at your father and ask him how he would like to handle this . Tell him you love and miss him .
Although me . I’d come right unglued and unc*need on her viciously

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I was close with my dad since I was little and I’m 43, well he remarried in 1999 and ever since then it’s not been the same. Now they’re both older and both sick with health issues so I try to forgive and forget.

Have you spoken with your father privately so he can hear your side of the story?

If so, I’m unsure what to suggest other than family therapy. How is his relationship with your siblings?

Dad has moved on and you should also.

Move on
He doesn’t care
No one can come between a child and their parent unless that parent CHOOSES to allow it

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Just,keep,on reaching out to,your father. Even if it’s 1O more etc times. You will know,when to stop trying. All the best to your family,going,forward

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You call your dad because you never know when it will be the last time

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Sounds like a toxic gold digger trying to separate him from his family! I bet she forces him to change the will .

Keep your receipts and show her you paid for it

Make plans with just your dad. Go out to lunch or grab coffee. Don’t talk about his wife, let it be time for you and him to catch up. Tell him you miss him and want time with him. Good Luck

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Your need two take your dad put to lunch show him everything said but make sure you have proof tell him how hurt you are do not get defensive if he chooses her walk away

𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐫𝐲, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐦 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥:point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down:

Your dad is responsible for his relationship with you and you are responsible for your relationship with him. You two would be better off trying to at least get along.he loves you both.


Your not alone I’m in the same boat except I was 6 yrs old when my dad got with my step mom now 35 I actually just had words with her a cpl days ago he lets her tell him what he can and can’t do with his children and grandkids but let it be hers and whatever it is he is doing she hasn’t done nothing but cause problems between me and him so I felt the need to write him a long message about how messed up it was that I was his blood yet he lets his wife run over him and control him with his own kids he didn’t use to be this way he use to stand up to her over us but not anymore and the stuff she said the other day I will never forget and if that’s how my father is gonna be and let her come between us then that’s on him he has to live with why I’m not reaching out or going to their house anymore or having anything to do with him and that goes for my kids to he can’t make an effort for us then we aren’t for him maybe reach out to your dad and let him know how you feel and the stuff that’s being said maybe he will have an understanding where your coming from hopefully yours will reach back out to you mine sure hasn’t said anything back but it’s okay because I’m gonna live my life and raise my kids he’s the one missing out not me so just remember that you may be the child but your father has to put in the effort to to have a relationship with you and your kids good luck it’s hard when you have a parent doing this I know how you feel and it’s not a good feeling

Sometimes i u just have to know that some people are idiots/liers/trouble makers etc take what they say with a grain of salt for the sakw of relationships with your loved one… enjoy ph calls with ypur father continue to build the relationship with him and fuck what she says … i spent years being bitter that my father disnt stand up for me to his wife it was aways “not worth the hassle” in his words whixh made be feel like nothing, but then i relised my das wont be around forever, so i try to maintain the relationship, bite my tongue and now we roll our eyea at her bullshit together … sending strength xxx