My daughter has been upset that I work so much: Advice?

Simplest advice I can give (which was given to me by a nurse) is QUALITY not QUANTITY! It’s not the amount of time spent, it’s what you do with the time you do have! :blue_heart: this really helped me when I went back to work after having my baby. Maybe it’s something you can discuss with your daughter.

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I hear you babe!! All these comments about family is more important than money ect. Yes 100% but if you don’t have money, you can’t support your family. We have a family of 4 kids and hubby and I both work fulltime hours. Makes it hard but we just find the time to make it work. :heart::heart: best thing to do is talk to her. When you get that time take her for hot Choc mummy and daughter dates. Xx

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Make special dates with her showing she is very important to you.thst don’t cost alot like bubble bath night movie ad popcorn night together beauty shop night using a little makeup and curlers etc…just include her more .That’s what she she’s I believes she’s missing just an idea.

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I worked and studied like crazy before I had my son. When I. had him, I passed up on job opportunities that would give me more money, but would require more time away from him. 13 years later, I do not regret it. I enjoyed every moment with him and still do. Our family lived within our means, not having all the material stuff, but we spent a lot of times together. Now he wants to be with his friends most of the time, but he always wants to make sure we are close by LOL. Children grow up so fast! In blink of an eye, they are grown and living their own lives. That’s why I savor every moment and do not regret having given up on all those important positions and promotions.

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I work 50 plus hrs a week single mom. It sucks at times my kids have hid my keys and things. They’re teens now. They understand I have to work this much to pay bills for us. I try n spend quality time with them when I’m off. Understand when you can’t cut back on hrs you just do the best you can. I definitely feel your pain though

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You should have a conversation with her and explain why you work so hard. Try to do something special together when you can. At a young age I realized my mom worked so hard to provide a better life for me and my siblings and it helped me understand despite still wanting to spend time together. But knowing that did help me to accept that.

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As someone who’s parents always worked, my dad had to work 6 days a week and my mum was in a very highly paid nursing position, the downfall it meant they’d ring her whenever/wherever.

I’m nearly 30 and I’ve had to have therapy due to the anger/upset/resent I feel towards my parents. If I have an issue ie. was rushed to hospital, I’d never call my parents as I spent my childhood doing things alone. I don’t talk to them about problems I’m having, because they weren’t around when I was younger.

You are very clearly an amazing parent, reaching out for advice, but please try and make more time for her x

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I used to have a special day ones a month, more if possible. I would take time off work and spend the day with my son. I made sure he knew its was mamma and babba day. And it was just the 2 of us.

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Years ago I was working 50 hours a week and one week i couldn’t do it as I has something I had to leave for. When I got my paycheck I found out I made more money doing 45 hours because 50 hours pushed me into a higher tax bracket and they took more money out of my check. BOOM !

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Hi, I had the shame issues that you have when my children was small, the eldest was 10 and had to look after the two young ones whilst I was working.You have to explain to her why you have to work so hard and that it’s not going to be forever.
Today they are independent adults, have no insecurities and making their own decisions, she will be fine :pray:
.

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All I have is some sympathy. I went through the same thing with my now almost 6 year old till I demoted myself back in December. As a child who’s mom worked a lot as well though (I used to feel the same way and cry) my mom would make a little special time even if it meant Ramen at 2am . I remember the sadness but that little time and her effort from working is what I cherish and appreciate as an adult. If you can cut back: do so…if you can’t remember your ultimate goal is their well being and they will remember those little moments of effort- including those Amazing weekends with mama. Hang in there

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Kids are tuff and yes you need to spend quality time with them not necessarily quantity. Explain how important your job is.in my opinion you dont just quit your job because you your child is wanting g you home more. Find out why. Is there a problem with the sitter.

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Hey there… only child of a single mom who worked up to 4 jobs at a time to keep food on the table and utilities on… didn’t always happen. The one thing I wanted the very most was for my mom to have time for me… I found that by being bad… I got attention even if it wasn’t the kind I was craving! STOP for a moment… Put yourself in your child’s place… I mean REALLY… Ask yourself how w I understand you feel? YeS you have to work… on the other hand… no matter how tired you are… how does your child feel? Start scheduling time outs of both YOU and YOU and your youngin!! I’m not going to say it’s easy… its not! I found as a kid I did this while my mom was working a home job of being g a professional seamstress! Just being in the room with her filled a void . Yes I wanted more… To look back now… I put my mom through Hell… Kids want attention… find ways in Everything you do! It will male a HUGE difference! Good luck to y’all❤

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My mom was a single mom who worked her butt off to make sure I had what I needed. I think it taught me to work hard and make good use of the family time we have. And I think that’s okay to show ur kids u can be a badass at work and a super mom at home.

That being said every mom second guesses Their selves from time to time. Explain things to ur little the best u can and keep being a great mom. :heart:

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I work terribly long hours too and my job takes a lot out of me. My son says the same to me on a regular basis.
What I’ve done is set up a laptop for him and he does his own thing on the laptop while I work, also, when I have late meetings I let him sit on my lap while I do the minutes.
When it comes to chores, we do them as a team to get the time together and get the job done.
I draw him into the tasks so he still feels like part of my world. I hope this helps.
When you want it to work, I promise you, God makes it work.
I used to work from an office and get home at 11pm some nights… Covid has changed my whole set up and I am appreciative of the silver lining.

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Ahh it’s so difficult, you have to work to provide but that means missing out on time with your kids, I was lucky enough to choose a job working in a school, I have 4 kids (now adults) but that meant I had all school holidays ect off with them, when they got older and all were at secondary school, that was when I changed my career and ive now been a support worker for the past 8 years, but I also now work a lot and have a 1 year old grandson that I don’t get to see anywhere near enough as I’d like to, you need to be honest with her and tell her how it is, and if it’s at all possible try and get time, even if it’s just an hour, to spend with her :heart:

We only have one life and we need to choose what and how to make the best of it. I know everything revolves around making money but children don’t understand that. So we need to spend as much quality time with them as possible especially while they are young.

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Are you working long hours because you need to? Who takes care of her when your not there? If your working out of neccesity then try to explain this to her. I’m thinking something is upsetting her when she is bei g cared for elsewhere. Investigate. She’s seven now, in 6 years time she not going to care where you are teenagers don’t want parents around. If you can drop some hours do it now.

It’s hard but try to find time to be with your child because, before you know it times flies and they are all grown up. Make some good memories. because that what your child is going to have of you.
The memories of the time spent together. Trust me the time goes by fast.

awww i think every kid goes through this i remember going through it with my dad…it helped me when i was able to call him whenever i started getting sad and missing him

Sometimes parents (harder for single parents) are forced between providing everything necessary needed to survive vs providing time & love. Its a very hard decision but at the end of the day facts are you can’t survive ofd of love & attention. You gotta do what you gotta do what you gotta do at the end of the day. Based on what the post said Mom does spend time with her daughter & they do things, so its just a matter of having the baby understand the reality of life.

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I get the same from my 6 yr old son. I’m too tired to do things with him when I come home, playing legos or reading books is about as much as I can do. But each night, I take a bit of time to give my COMPLETE attention. No phone, no othere people or tasks. It’s the best I can do, and I’ll ALWAYS give him that!

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Is she dissatisfied with her babysitter

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If your working more than 5 days a week, that has to stop. If it’s overtime 5 days a week give her your undivided attention 1 day off the week.

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My daughter is 22. If I could go back and have worked less I would. Life is short. 50 hours a week is a lot and to be a mom. In a few short years she will
Be grown. I would cut back.

At the age your child is at, she probably doesn’t understand that you’re working hard to stay afloat, pay bills, and make sure she’s taken care of. Continue to spend time and do fun things with her in your off hours. As she gets older she’ll come to understand how hard you worked to make sure she had the things she needed and the things you did for her.

I’m do some crazy hours with shift work and have been doing alot of extras lately because there isn’t another option… my 10yr old said the same thing to me not long ago… I just explained to her the reasons why and have been trying to spend the arvo after school together and we have dinner before I drop her off at the moment… it seems like a small thing but just those few extra hours each week seemed to have helped as well as explaining it to her… it won’t be crazy for long and it will get better

My kids are doing exactly this! I feel like maybe for them full time work isn’t best suited for my family! Maybe looking at limiting hours or I know work 5 hours 1 day a week so I drop off and pick up to have more quality time! :blush:

That use to be my girls up until I switched from retail to a government job that was Tuesday to Saturday same hours everyday. Then again cuz I worked Saturdays. I got the opportunity to get an Monday through Friday 8 to 5 (some o.t here n there). Now they’re happier

I work 2 jobs and care for our parents in our home. Kids are 22 21 14 & 8 and NONE of them like that I’m busy all time… I’m home but busy… my 22 yr old moved away cause I can’t fix her problems. 🤷 They just get older still act the same tho🤷🤷🤦🤦🤦🤦

I have to love how people say cut hours, get a less demanding job, or simply quit. Good f’ing grief. Funny, there has been generations of workaholics with families and we are all still here trying to figure this out. There’s no easy answer. But this woman already answered her question. She is doing her best to be home and to dedicate her free time to her child. As long she does that, the kid will be fine.

Sometimes, a parent doesn’t have an option and they do what they do for the betterment of their child. Well, I hope so. But be careful when giving advice like, put your child first, instead of your job that pays, the rent, utilities, water, phone, car note, care insurance, health insurance. and other expenses. How is a person putting their child first, when they are broke. No one ever said raising children was easy. You just do your best, your way.

Cut the hours. Period. Your family ALWAYS comes first.

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Make time everyday to spend an hr or two with her. Play a game with her, do a fashion shoot, have a dinner date where you can both get dressed up just you two, go shopping, have makeovers. Time with her in the week is just as important as it is the weekend. She will value that especially with the holidays coming up. Xx

Is it possible to find a job with weekends off? You can still work 50 hrs but be home when she’s home from school on weekends?

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Don’t take it so hard
She’s going to grow up and realize all you did for her and that you didn’t have much of a choice in the matter

If she wants the life she lives she needs to deal with it. If not and you can cut back on the hours you work, then that’s the answer

Your children will get your time one way or another. Positive quality time spent together or time spent in the principals office, mental health professionals office or court etc. You get to decide…but they will find away to get it one way or another.

I’m a single mom, work and go to school with a 13 year old. She made the same comment to me. We make time like a dinner date once a week where she picks where we go. We also go for a drive just about every night just to talk about our day.

Schedule out time to take off work to have special mom time… (mental health days) or on the weekends even…

I don’t see how you wouldn’t have enough time unless you work swing shift and have weird sleeping hours, at least 7 of your working hours they would be at school normally?

If possible, take your child to work day, maybe? Have every meal together as well. Even if it’s just take out. Also maybe on weekends a movie night? She just wants to spend some time.

To the women on here having to work so many hours to survive, shame on the Dads. Stop blaming the Moms that have to do this to survive. It takes 2 to make a baby, smdh. Can’t stand deadbeats.

I stay home. So I make daddy date days because my son felt the same

Stop working so much. I’ve been a RN for almost 8 years. 18 months ago I quit working a full time job that required weekends and holidays and now I work part time and I feel like a jerk for missing out on 7 years of holidays and time I can’t get back.

Children will not look back and remember how much money you had they will look back and recall happy memories, work life balance is so important so if it’s an option maybe reduce your hours or work nights when she’s sleeping if possible? X

And If you didn’t work so much there wouldn’t be extra income for weekend activies, a well deserved splurge on a name brand outfit, a party or class trip, extracurricular activies, a family outing or trip or social activities. As much as it’s nice to believe these things aren’t appreciated, they are and kids who don’t get these opportunities definitely miss out. Not only that, work is reality of life, everyone has to earn a suitable living to take care of thier responsibilities and earn some of our favourite rewards from working that we can share with our families.

Tell you can be with her everyday but in a cardboard box with nothing else.

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Time flies and you’ll have regrets. Your daughter is asking you for your time only you can change this

Who is watching her? This could be a danger sign that they are not treating her properly, she could Getting abused or neglected while you’re not there

Not much you can do, as adults we must work, not unless your partner can support whole family, otherwise it is what it is, she will be fine, she will be adult her self and will be doing same thing, its circle of life that is getting worse

It’s the quality, not the quantity, of time you spend with your child. If you are financially able to cut back on your working hours then I highly recommend doing just that. However, if you are financially unable to, then it is what it is. As long as you are making an effort to spend your down time specifically on your child then you’re doing a great job. Unfortunately most children do not understand the physical and financial aspects of keeping a household running until they’re much older.

You’ll never get this time back. If I had it to do over I would have spent more time with my daughter that means more than any material things you can give her.

Next time she wants you to buy her something, tell that’s why you work extra hrs. If you cut hrs back, she’ll have to take a cut also its called a budget. And she’ll learn about saving money and so on!!

What do you do for work? Is it something you can bring your daughter along? If so, talk with your boss and see if maybe you could have a mommy/daughter day once a month at work.

I ended up working in the service industry just so i could spend more time with my daughter. With it being just me and her she needed me so i work 40 hrs and am able to have a flexable schedule to be with her.

When my children lived with me, after I got home from work I was finishing our dinner while my children were getting ready to eat. It did not take long as I prepared meat in the morning when everybody was still asleep. You can prepare meat in a slow cooker. Rice, potatoes, pasta need only .5h. When my children got older they helped to make salad/vegetables. Then we all would get outside for a game, a walk, a movie… Next time was used for homework. During this time I clean the kitchen and plan the next day main meal, had a one load of laundry…the lights were off at 9 30. Sometimes I or the oldest kid read the story for others. Before I went to the bed I stretched the laundry on the iron board or hanged it on hangers in the laundry room. I had a list of the chores for each child on the wall. To take the clothes to the different rooms and to fold one load of laundry took max 20 min. to anybody. And it released a lot of my time. I divided cleaning into steps which each of children could do at their own choice. We were partners at home. They felt important, learned to take responsibility for themselves and were prepared to live on their own. This worked for me and my family.

Sounds to me like mom is bitching in front of the child, otherwise why would the child even understand thst concept

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Sadly capitalism is destroying the family bond. In order to work less you would have to completely change the way you live life.

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Personally. I would work less hours. Look at what you need in life & what is wanted.

I am not a mother. I can’t give advice. But I just want to say I can imagine how difficult and heartbreaking this is for your baby and you.
I hope you find a solution to this difficult circumstance. :heartpulse:

A hug to you friend. :sunflower:

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This the reality I’m America. Even if it’s a 2 parent home both parents have to work with how much rent and daily living is now. I really have no advise because we have to work to take care of our kids. I hope you find a solution

If she is asking for your time its because she needs you more in her life. Give her your undivided attention when you are with her. No phone, no texting and no social media. Don’t blink because she will be 18 before you know it. :thinking::pensive:

Maybe have a chat to your employer and go to part time if you can or even cut back to 40 if possible

It’s heartbreaking when you feel like you disappoint your kids. I feel for her. However I have no advice.

They’re only young for so long. Cut hours if you can. Work more hours after she is a bit older.

As a single parent it is difficult. Look into cash flow. If you are working that long just to make ends meet look to improving this. Education or training if possible. Maybe even moving. If you are working this long to get a better position you might want to determine if this would improve your time or send you down a wormhole of more stress snd work hours.

As stated in other responses you only get your children as children for s few years.

Unfortunately our society does not recognize the importance of family time. Especially that of a single woman. It is ruinous and there are other issues if the single parent is a male.

I hope you can find balance and support in your raising and nurturing your child. As a parent of grown children seizing them as good and responsible adults is the greatest reward. They also understand your efforts when they become parents. In the meantime you will have difficulty and challenges.

Peace

you’re asking how working mums balance things, but your working 50 hours a week, the hours alone are not balanced.

Who’s watching her while your working? Has that changed?

Is it possible to take her to work with you?

Are you still with their dad? Maybe get a teenager nanny to allow them to relate to one another?

Have you asked if something is wrong when you are at work.

Who is she with when not with you?

You can not parent 15 minutes a day.

Send. Her to play school to be with her age group kids. She will learn , enjoy, get tired and won’t demand more time ! Spend quality time with her

Maybe read to her before you go to sleep? Like even if it’s later

I had the same, I quit, best decision I ever made!

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She is trying to tell u something plz dig into it well bf something happen to her

Tell her to harden up princess, welcome to real life also 50 hrs isn’t that much

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Try do special things when u can with her. Kids need moms!

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Think about all that you do for that company… How much does that company do for you!?
Family first!

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Quality time is better than quantity definitely But I have seen mothers get depressed and sad too if they can’t afford the usual things that are available. May be have some leave without pay and see how it works. I have also seen mummy giving up their work and say will do a business at home so that they can be with the children but then their business consume them . Please be mindful that you also need grown up talk .

Ask her “what do I do that lets you know you’re loved by me?” You will get a list of how great of a mom you are, and you’ll learn her love language so that you can tailor your activities to things that show her you are there for her.

Have mumma and daughter dates once a week

In a perfect world, parents are together, one is home with children, money is never a problem. All those telling her she needs to find a way to be home more! She also needs $$$ to have a home in order to be home more!

Children need their parents. Praying you find more time for her. This window passes so very quickly.

Wake her up at 5:00 in the morning and spend 3 hours with her before you go to work… If she says she wants to sleep you should whine and cry and say but I want to spend more time with you… Don’t you want to spend time with me?.. Children are experts at pushing your emotional buttons and guilting you and if she does want to get up at 5:00 in the morning to play with you then you’ll be doing a real service to her… My guess is she’s guilting you… I guess you’ll find out after you spend three quality hours only alone with your daughter every morning only for her might be the best thing ever for both of you… She also needs to go to bed to get 10 hours sleep she has to go to sleep at 7:00… And on the weekends too in order to keep the schedule… You can at seven show her the math 7 * 3 is 21 hours a week only with you almost half the amount of hours that I go to work… 5:00 in the morning is the perfect time to clean the bathrooms clean the floors sweep mop bake cook so many fun things you can do together for 3 hours… Gardening painting walls… Sewing a quilt she draws herself… Making something pretty for her room… Packing the lunches for the day for the family… Mama time is Mama time she gets to be with you and do things with you…doesn’t have to be a full-on party… If it’s true that she needs more time with you she will love it!!!.. If she’s just lazy and manipulative she’ll say no mama I don’t want to make blueberry pancakes with you… Going to bed a little earlier just means less television and more time with you Mom.

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I worked that many or more hours. My children are grown and they are doing fine and appreciate me.

I work, my mother work
Kid need to understand how world works
Coudle with her every day you come back from work, kids need touch

No mom should have to work 50 hours weekly to feed her family

As a dad in this position, I don’t work my days off and I take one day a month off if I can. Money can be made anywhere, however time… yeah you can’t get that back

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Are you a single parent ?

Stop keeping the father away lol but yall ain’t ready for that talk

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Talk to her and explain why.

Work to live or live to work. Balance

Honestly. You have to do what you have to do. A child doesn’t dictate the house or understand the concept of money. Do your best to explain why you work. So she can have the things she has. My daughter felt this way too after I went to work. I stayed home for the first 5 years of her life. The thing is work is important bc it takes care of your child. Maybe look for a better job….until then spend as much time together as you can. Cook dinner together. Read bedtime stories etc. then the weekends are for fun adventures. She will be fine.

Not a mother but plenty of nieces and nephews. I recommend sitting down and having a conversation with her to explain the situation. We don’t give kids enough credit. Also might consider including her in household chores so you can have quality time even if she is really not helping. Lol. Hang in there. :hugs:

I would deliberately take a day off and visit my Sons school to be an in school helper. Hard part is other children would swarm me and hold my hand leaving the class room. I had to purposly get my son and hold his hand as he would feel ripped off if I didn’t. So many kids need help. Please visit and give help to these children pls.

We have the same issue in our house. I just keep reminding our boys that I have to work and it’s not a choice.
We try to schedule days and special times together so that they feel like they’re getting enough time. Some days are worse than others and those days are extra hard.
My best advice is to just take it one day at a time and to keep reminding her that you love her so, so much no matter what.

I had to cut back my hours. I ended up burins our spreading myself so thin. My sons mental health and feelings are more important.

Make your days off count! Do lots of things with her. I know it’s not easy being the sole provider! She is going through a phase that will pass!