My new daughter-in-law treats me so disrespectfully, and I don’t understand why. My son, who I was very close to, is also. What’s a broken-hearted mom to do? Okay, here is my question. My son’s gf at the time asked to move in with us during covid because her family was concerned with her working and bringing home the virus. He and she have been together for almost five years. She is 21 now, and he is 20. I have taken her in and treated her like my own daughter. They both took advantage of me during this time. They paid no bills, bought nothing for the house, and never helped with chores. A week before my son left for the Airforce, I finally had enough of it and said something. It turned out to be the wrong thing because they both talked badly to me and I felt defeated. Their position was that I didn’t treat them as equals. He left, which was hard on me being a single parent for so long and being just us. Fast forward, she left for a few weeks and then asked to come back because it wasn’t working at her family’s. I allowed it. I tried even harder to get along with her. Some days she was kind and had no problems. Other days she acted as she hated me. My son wanted to ask her to marry him and asked if I could help. I did. Had her ring he ordered sent to him so that he could propose when she came up to see him at tech school. He asked, and she said yes. He came home, and we paid to have a small wedding. She sold her car and took his. We put it in her name. Then when he went to get a car, she refused to cosign for him because he had no credit. It would put his car note twice the amount because of interest. We ended up a cosigner. She has a 720 credit btw. Now she is fixing to leave for basic (which I supported and encouraged her) To the point…I threw them a surprise online wedding shower. My friends and family sent them 50 gifts. Everything they would need to start. She refused to open the gifts. They stacked up for days while people were asking me if she got them and if she liked them. She complained that her stuff wouldn’t match. She complained a lot. When I asked her if there were more things she would like, her response was, “I’m leaving, and I’m done with it.” My feelings and heart are so broken. My son just said he doesn’t have time for petty stuff when I tried to talk to him. She acts like it’s such an inconvenience. What should I do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter in law constantly disrespects me: Advice?
Quit doing stuff for them
I would never disrespect my mother in law but that’s me but I would not do anything else for her …
Stop allowing them to walk all over you. They are ungrateful brats.
Some times tuff love make them stand on there own
Quit letting them walk on you. You don’t deserve that and if they continue to treat you like shit, they DONT deserve your help. Tough love sister…
She is very rude and ungrateful, stop going out of your way for her all together.
Stop doing anything for them .They are adults!
I’ve thought a lot about how I will handle life when my kiddos are moved on with their life and I think there is a stigma around “Mother in laws”. If you help too much your in the way and controlling, if you do not help enough… you get it. I think there is a fine line between letting them live their life and overstepping.
Give them tough love momma . They need to learn on there own . Let them fall . let them learn by not doing anything for them no more . Than maybe they will learn to appreciate what you have done for them .
Cut them loose fast.You would be better off @ ungrateful !!!
People can only treat you as bad as you allow them to.
Sit down and try to talk, if that doesn’t work then kick them out. Be done. Wash your hands of it.
Tell them to get their own apartment/property/somewhere else and stop bending over backwards for them.
say goodbye n good luck n never let them come back to live there let them GROW UP which sounds like what needs to happen move on with your life
Start respecting yourself if you act like a doormat then that is how they will treat you. Do for yourself and let them do for themselves they are adults
She will grow up ALOT in the military. Forgive her and move forward. Keep the gifts in case they settle and need them. They are both in a place of major transition so I would just be filled with a lot of grace and then just make sure your home isn’t shared with them anymore (other than short visits). They are very young and will change a lot in their 20’s.
If you give with the expectation to be treated the way you would treat others you will be disappointed every time. It’s past time for some boundaries and to stop allowing yourself and your heart to be taken advantage of.
Stop being a pushover. I say this out of experience.
She sounds like an ungrateful brat
Yep…CUT IT OFF…You are being USED!!!
respect yourself enough to walk away from toxic situation.
Wow, I’m sorry you’re going through this. (I’ve had my heart broken before, but nothing crushed me like a situation with my daughter. Thank God we have healed.) It’s being called petty that you are wanting answers as to why she is doing these things, but her complaining a lot over FREE gifts that don’t match isn’t seen as petty? If you feel you are being taken advantage of, I’d say you are valid in those feelings. As much as it hurts, you have to not let that happen. When it’s allowed, people just don’t respect you. It’s hard. It hurts you probably more to cut off all the help they are taking advantage of than it does them. Helping them seems to enable them to just keep feeling entitled. They want to be treated as equals? They need to equally give respect to you. It wasn’t working with her own family; that’s a clue right there. She is disrespectful and ungrateful. She is leaving and your son is already gone, but one day they will need you again. It’s hard to do for some, but maybe just don’t be so readily available for them. People usually don’t appreciate things that come easy.
You stop doing everything. If they are not nice and ungrateful, you just stop.
When she leaves for BCT, let them straighten her out.
And just FYI, very rarely do they both make it thru training and not cheat. I saw it all the time.
That said, kick them both out. Return the gifts and simply say “Please inquire with them”.
They are GROWN. They should be forced to act like it.
My son is a 19yr old Marine, I’d kick his azz all over the state. But Daddy and I are also prior service. Disrespect simply isn’t tolerated in our home.
Cut them off and stop being so nice to them
I feel like something in this story is missing. Wonder what son and DIL say…
Have her move out and dont let her come back. Tough love. If she cant respect you in ur own home and everything youve done for them, then cut all ties cuz they obviously aint grown enough to no whay respect is.
I learned after 6 years , now I’m no good. Hurts
You should stop interfering and being an enabler 
Let them get on with it and with out your help she is a spoilt brat and your son should know better
My mother in law would slap the taste out of my mouth after she dealt with my spouse
Sounds like they both took advantage of you I’m sorry. Time for tough love. If she doesn’t want the gifts tell her to donate them to people who would appreciate them
Girlllll you are too nice…Tough Love and let them know your thru being a pushover…
Terrible that you were treated this way. I hope your son realizes that he will always need his mom, especially over a girl. Hugs
Pray for them…and walk away from them
convince your son to do better.
Girl let them both go! You don’t need that drama. They’re adults so let them see how hard life can really be without support.
Be done. The basic will fix her
Well they want to be adults but they are unappreciative children who avoid and take no responsibility for anything. You have done enough and you need to stop. They aren’t going to say thank you or do anything but want more. I would try to stay away from them and no longer insert myself in their business. If they need cars, houses anything else they need to figure this out on their own. You are going to have to watch and support from afar.
Cut them off until they realize what they’re missing
CUT THEM both off they are only fake nice when they want something id tell him he has 5 months to get his own loan for car by himself sadly you should of never cosigned now your on hook when he fails to pay. They are users
Do absolutely nothing anymore except focus on your son, your relationship with him, his needs and everything else he needs. Don’t even mention or acknowledge DIL. Snip snip 
cut her out of your life. If she wants to talk to you and interact, just treat her like a go-worker you really don’t like but have to be cordial and civil with. Don’t let them run all over your heart. Guard your heart!! 
Sorry but there are always 2 sides. I would like to hear hers too?
As much as it may hurt, you’re going to have to back off and let them sink or swim.
Walk way with some dignity and stop being there when they need it.
Let them go they gonna do what they gonna do…let them on their own they are grown dont make your life unhappy because shes disgraceful bitch…let them deal with it…my hubby died left me with 3 kids they drained shit out me I’m now disabeled they dont help with shit no call no visit no text.just had major surgury 3 days go not heard shit…I’m done it’s me time …let them go dont b stupid like I was
Tell them goodbye until they can act like adults and not like spoiled children
Sounds like the both took advantage of you. I personally would pull the rug out from underneath both of them and let them figure out how to provide and support themselves.
So… it sounds like you waited until your boiling point to tell your son and his gf that they need to help out around the house or pay some kind of rent. So you probably did not react in a nice way and they are young, so they probably built up animosity towards you. You went above and beyond for them, but you failed to communicate your expectations. You sound like you bottle things up instead of talking things out because you begrudgingly “supported” their wedding. Again, didn’t voice your concerns. So… I think both parties are in the wrong.
They’re grown. My daughter and I currently live with my parents for our reasons, but hun…I pay half the bills and buy most of the food. I don’t have chores, I have a responsibility to clean the place I reside in. Far as the choice of words and tones… she’s your daughter… lol they have attitudes… They can step up or step out.
Accept the fact they are adults and you can’t control their lives.
They still have a lot of growing up to do. They’re in for a rude awakening when they’re finally on their own. It seems like they both have a sense of entitlement. They show no appreciation for the help you’ve given them, the extra things you’ve done for them, or the gifts given to them by other people. Now that you’ve seen exactly what they think of your help, it’s time to let them figure everything out on their own. Give advice if asked, but under no circumstances should you cosign anything or assist them financially. Let them make mistakes. They’re going to make a ton of them. That’s how they’ll learn how to navigate through life, and also learn how to appreciate what others do for them.
Stop letting both of them walk all over you.
She sounds spoiled who Denys wedding gifts? Honestly all you can do is love her and be civil but if she’s rude to you, you don’t tolerate that behavior. You’re a mother who doesn’t deserve to be treated like you’ve done nothing . You’ve raised the man of her dreams so you obviously done something right ….
they say there are always three sides to a story. I’m curious what your son and daughter in law are saying. It sounds like they did take advantage of you. I would honestly forgive both of them (for your own mental health sake plus it sounds like they haven’t matured enough). When they lived with you, did you tell them they needed to pay bills, buy stuff for the house, and help around the house (i feel like this would be common sense but if it isn’t expressed, they aren’t going to know). I would just not allow either of them to move back. I am sure they will grow up quite a bit being away in the military. But I would definitely forgive and move on - just know/have boundaries with the both of them. I’m sorry this is happening to you!
Give them their space. They are adults and need to figure things out by themselves.
She sounds like a spoiled,entitled brat
DONT EVER HELP HER AGAIN.
Bye Felicia.
Your son will learn real quick who the parent is !
I’m a single mom as well and although my son is only 6, I’m hoping by then, that I’ll be strong enough to put my foot down and not let him walk all over me.
Maybe just give him some time…. Instead of having conversations with her, have them with him only for now.
She cannot come into your house and treat you this way, it’s not okay.
If she will treat you like that, she will treat your son the same way.
Big hugs mama 
Show them the door. Shame on them both for taking advantage of you. I can almost guarantee their relationship will not last based on their immaturity. I would not allow either back into your home when that happens. Love is blind. Good luck mama.
Divorce them and go travel.
Your sons marriage is his marriage. Don’t get in the middle of the relationship. It’s a bad idea to have your child living at home during the beginning of a marriage, you’re supposed to be letting go of your role of taking care of him, yet you’re living in a situation where he is still expecting you to take care of him.
They are adults and have to make it or break it on their own.
Communication is the key. He’s not a 16 year old with chores, and neither is his wife. You have to let your expectations known in this situation. Tell them, they are newly weds and they should be using this time to build their lives together. It’s part of the bonding process to overcome those hurtles together. You have no problem helping them get on their feet, but let them know that they are married adults, you can’t take care of everything like you’re their parent. They have to pay their way and take care of the home they live in just like you do.
Boot them out. Uve done More than enough and they’re taking advantage and being mean ?? Hit the road jack!!! You are a strong woman! People will treat you the way you that you allow them to. Time to let him be a man now
My mother in law died earlier this week from a horrible battle with cancer. I miss her so much. I loved her as if she were my own mom. I pray one day y’all have the relationship that we had. Your soon to be daughter in law might not be perfect, it’s OK. But at least yall have each other and you both love your son.
She sounds like a BIIITCH!!! You shouldn’t let her walk all over you like that! F that!!
Just know its not u mama
Sorry you are having to get hurt in this whole process… I think you gotta reinvent your purpose and focus on what makes you happy now. They are kids and need to be let loose to grow in to adults. That’ll never happen if you coddle them forever.
Don’t be a doormat . No one respects a doormat . Do not live together. She is your daughter-in-law . They must get and stay in their own home.
Yes show them both the door .Her parents never put up with her crap. They have no respect let them move out .Tough love with them.
May take time same with my daughter. Now she is 31 . She actually talking to me . Sees her dad for want he is always blamed me. Never thought I would see a change. I love her. I had to walk away a bit. Let her come to me.
They both sound like ungrateful brats, but what can you do? Love them from afar and wish them both happiness! But don’t hold a grudge. They will eventually grow up. And you just have to learn to say no
Do some nice things for yourself. You deserve it. 
They gotta pay bills, do housework and buy stuff for the house to be “equals”
I would have a talk with both of them and set some rules, and if they don’t agree to help out then, help them get into a different place to live. Let your son know you love and support him and his wife but, you will not be disrespected in your own home. This would be hard on anyone especially a mother. I worry about this bc I have 2 sons and, I pray they find someone who will be as kind, loving and respectful as they both are. Goodluck!!!
Stop being so involved in their lives. It will be healthier for all of you. You all need space.
She sounds like a friggin BRAT!!!
Just kick her out you don’t have to deal with her hateful and ungratefulness because she your son’s wife you deserve better I know its hard but you need to demand more respect from your son people only treat you the way you aloe them to. Don’t give them help unless they show respect. You be gone one day and he will be the heart broken one and he will hate the way he treated you. And that maybe why she her family didn’t want her around she was rude to them
She is ungrateful and i wouldnt do a thing for her again.And your son should speak to her.She needs to respect his mother out of atleast respect to him.You have done enough.Dont do anything else.
Kick them out . She’s in YOUR home acting like that ? The nerve.
tell them to go back to her family, she is a rude young lady, your son is better off without her
They are totally ungrateful especially her. I hope they’re not living in your house because if they are they need to go
Let go they’re grown!!!
Did they want the wedding shower? Did they just get a lot of stuff they can’t use while deployed? Just talk to the daughter in law before doing anything for her. Give her a move-out deadline.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter in law constantly disrespects me: Advice?
She sounds like an immature brat. I’d be throwing her ass out of my house!!!
Seems like an immature wannabe adult to me. They need to grow up a lot.
I get it’s hard but you have done what you could let them be on their own and see what it’s like. They don’t realize how many people would the things you have done for them.
I would throw out if my house and never receive her back again
Sounds like she’s had everything handed to her
Girl kick them both out don’t help them anymore they well realize how much u did for them and everything also that’s not a daughter in law that’s a monster in law and she very unappreciated that’s probably why it didn’t work out with her family they probably thinks she’s a brat to that’s the sad part but u need to stand ur ground qnd throw them both out yes that is ur son but he needs a eye opener now and days people don’t realized what u do for them intell u stop and u sound like a amazing women to for doing that but u don’t need to waste to much on that shit throw them out love
Jesus did he meet my old friends ex because she did the exact same stuff 
.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it gets better. I know when I was around that age I didn’t fully appreciate anything anyone did for me now at almost 27 I beat myself up for being such a brat to people only trying to help. I’d tell her she needs to find someplace else to stay and not let her back to live with you again. Hopefully with time she’ll realize and apologize to you
Let them both move out and figure things out for themselves. Hopefully your son will come to his senses and come back to you. They are too immature to be married
I’m in the same boat and about to throw all their shit on the lawn. They are slobs and do absolutely nothing. And neither of them work. Yet they trash my house. Let’s pick a date and throw them out together. At least your son had the decency to ask if she could move in. I found out after the fact that this bitch was living here.
Why do people get married when they are still kids??
Wow she sounds like an ungrateful brat . Your amazing for what you have done . Sounds like some tough love is needed momma . Throw them out . And let them learn in there own .and see what the world is about on there own . They need to learn appreciation. And let them fall on they own . And maybe they’ll learn what you did for them .
Stop kissing their butts, stop enabling, put them out on their own, let them learn what it means to be and adult, stop being afraid you will lose your son, he will get the message soon enough! JMO
I’d be done ! If they can’t appreciate you then let them figure it out! I understand he’s your son and most likely she’s jealous of how close you were. Especially being that she obviously doesn’t get along with her family.
Put it foot down and put her in her place! I had the same problem with my husband cousin I snapped on her ass big time 
I would throw them out and cut them off. Tough love sucks but it isn’t fair to you
You son needs an annulment and get rid of the spoiled brat
Send all the gifts back, make both of them leave. They will realize all that you did for them when they are struggling later on.