I think that’s a good idea to not let her go to her grandmother’s house without especially over night.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter is being sneaky at her grandmas, what can I do? - Mamas Uncut
Child imo isn’t completely in the clear… she also knew you said no and found a way to circumvent through grama, who enabled the rule breaking. Daughter deserves a chat about that, severe punishments I think are unnecsary but that’s my personal opinion.
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I would go in on grandma…you are the parent not her…she is not trustworthy at all…kids will try to find ways to get what they want when the parent says no…the grandma like literally showed your daughter its ok to not listen to you when you are trying to keep her safe
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Dont understand why some grandparents do this she should know better and has no right to go behind your back like that
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If you download TikTok and there’s a gmail account connected to the phone it will use that one. And it will put the grandmas name if it’s in the gmail address. So I wouldn’t be to quick to cut her out
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If grandmother can’t follow the rules, child doesn’t go to her house. Period.
Especially safety rules.
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I have an 11 year old boy and he has a tiktok account. At first I was mad that he made one, but some of those videos on there are hilarious… He doesn’t chat anyone and just follows his favorite tiktoker’s. I think you might be over reacting a little… If your open with your child and teach them stranger danger. Talk with them about perverts and to never give out there full name or address, then there fine to explore and have fun… what will you do when she gets older, not allow her to have a Facebook or Instagram account, she will rebell. Technology is all around us, there going to sneak it anyway they can. You can’t shelter them forever… Having a good line of communication and trust will help you as they get older… I know from personal experience, if you shelter your children they will end up being out of control…
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I understand your concerns and why you are upset. I would just suggest, as you handle the situation as you see fit, don’t forget about your daughter’s feelings. I doubt she was trying to defy you or just go against the rules. She probably feels left out because her friends have it, grandma probably picked up on it and felt bad for her. It’s hard for a child that age to understand why it’s ok for everyone else and not her. I’m not saying let her have it, your decision and yours only. I’m just saying understand her side, too.
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Each family is different and has their own values but what I will say is that I set up a TikTok for my child and helped him follow all the beatboxing accounts because he’s really into beatboxing and had him use it supervise as we got his algorithm really tuned out for what he’s into and I think it’s all about allowing your children some bit of freedom with supervision versus completely disallowing it for my personal experience I would rather them do it with supervision by me then sneak behind my back and do it because I said no
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I feel like yes, she went to grandma, but at the same time she’s a kid. We kind of expect that. But at the same time you expect the grandparents to back up your parenting. My girls have had grown men reach out to them. I have a cousin that a couple weeks ago, we found out that she thought she was talking to this girl and becoming best friends. Turns out it was a man in his 50s using his nieces photos. Whether is platonic or not you can never trust anything through the internet. My 10 year old is now asking for a phone and I’m contemplating it since him and his siblings ride the bus and the driver is always late. But with everything else I’m not sure if I want to open that door just yet.
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Wow , I can’t stand an enabling grandparent . I wouldn’t allow her over there without you since they both can’t follow your rules .
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This isn’t just grandma letting her stay up a little late or sneak an extra cookie because “that’s what grandmas do”…. This is actually a danger to your child and the fact she proceeded to still lye to your face is the deal breaker for me.
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You can’t trust grandma so don’t. She made her choice. She would have to earn that trust back.
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Let the grandmother know when your child is there no electronics that u have not approved and locked
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Yeah I would let GMA know what she did is wrong and she won’t be allowed to watch her alone at all anymore since she can’t respect your rules as your daughters MOTHER.
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My 11 year old son has a TikTok and Facebook. But I have taught him to show me if anyone adds him or messages him that he doesn’t know. Being so strict on your kids will only push them to hide stuff. I’ve been in that situation and I ended up pregnant at 13. Just monitor everything check it every night and every morning
Definitely talk to the grandmother with calm. Tell her your reasons for safety and protection for your child. Tell her it is very important not only to you but in order to keep your child safe from deceiving predators. Do some research before you talk and have videos or online facts about the vulnerability if children left to online searches.
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Speaking as a grandmother I always back up my daughter-in-law and son in regards to the rules for my grandchildren. Children need consistency in the adults around them.
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You’re the mom. I would tell the grandmother that this is your rule and you’re trying to keep your kid safe. Explain the dangers of having an account when youre that young. And tell her if it happens again. You will have to decide what’s best. That is not ok. And I’m sorry you’re going through this
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I mean I get why she wants to use Tik-Tok my daughter having to talk about her account is set so where she can’t add anybody or message anybody I let her make her videos but she knows she’s not allowed to post them have set so no one can follow her. But I have always pushed the dangers because of kinda childhood I had. It all depends on the child you know her best. But the truth is most grandparents do not enforce their rules so you need to decide if Grandma’s should be around her without you
A lot of kids have tiktok these days, I say just let her have it but check the app from time to time to make sure she isn’t talking to anyone creepy or doing things she isn’t supposed to & teach her that if someone weird is trying to talk to her or There’s bad stuff to have her tell you right away. Bad part on grandmother though, she shouldn’t be going against what you said
The way I look at it, is you do what you feel is right. Whatever your choice is or was with your daughter and TikTok, grandma should NOT be undermining you and overstepping her boundaries. That’s not okay at all. Plus, that’s like showing your daughter your word means nothing and she doesn’t always have to listen to you. That’s not cool either.
At the end of the day, no matter how much we monitor our kids… they COULD always find a way to do stuff or sneak around about things. You just NEVER know. I can say this base off my own experiences as a kid.
Like I said, do what you feel is right and what your mommy gut is telling you. You’ll figure it all out! Good luck!!
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If GRANDMA can’t respect the boundaries and rules you have for YOUR child, she either doesn’t go… or doesn’t go unattended.
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Just went through this with my 10 year old. I showed her taken and a bunch of other kidnapping movies. She was messaging someone on hers
I’m in my mid-30s, when I was a child/adolescent, my grandmother lived with us, anytime I wanted to do ANYTHING, she would say ‘first ask your mother, if I(grandmother) hear her okay it, then go ahead if not, no can do, your mom makes the rules’ my Grandmother Co-Parented with my parents quite well
Grandma lost your trust and is stepping over your boundaries, so no, I would not allow her to go over there anymore.
Your daughter wants what her friends got,she’ll be OK if you monitor her,it be a shame if you stopped her seeing her grandmother
Also just yesterday there was a video of two celebrities leaked porn video. I understand that some people’s children may have not had that problem happen yet but it eventually will.
Careful coming between Grandma and Grandaughter they probably have a bond !! Yes you are the Mother but talk to them both first!! Good luck and keep the love 
Grandma will have to come over to my house
Deeper problems there. Get help.
Yep absolutely not going over alone when grandma isn’t paying enough attention or respecting your parenting wishes to keep your daughter safe also daughter needs to respect you and not push grandma. They shouldn’t be alone together if your parenting choices are being walked on….
Wow bad grandma lol put your foot. Down to. Both of them but in all fairness your daughter knew you said no and went to grandma huge no no when YOU say no it’s No
Tiktok shows you videos based off your likes so if a kid is on it liking other kid videos that’s pretty much all they are going to see on their fyp. Now my tiktok account has all kinds of shit my child probably shouldn’t see but I don’t hide my child from the world and I’m very open with my child because I refuse for her to be one of these overly sensitive, offended over every little thing type of kid. She’s had a phone since she was 4 and she’s 12 now, not once have I had an issue with her being sneaky or doing stuff she shouldn’t be doing because I’m open with her about everything and she knows she can be open with me no matter what. Give your kid a break I guarantee alot of her friends have tiktok an most kids just want to do what other kids do
I’m in the same boat, but I’m stuck with court ordered grandparents rights and visitation.
thats the grandmothers fault
Dont ground the child
She trusted her grandmother
Mine wouldnt be allowed stay over if this happened.
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My child was approached online through games and social media by a pedofile… we have since removed all technology that isn’t school related. Any devices that enable her to play online games or social media is not allowed. This is strictly enforced at any grandparents home as well. The dangers are very real… we’ve had a case open for almost a year and a half… its a long and ugly process… got to do what best for the kids. And tbh… none of us died without access to internet or games. Go retro… get a game system that has no wifi access or online chat. Ny child has limited social media but can log on for 1 hour a day… while sitting by me… and I have all passwords and emails. Its tough… but so many of these people are waiting to get access to our children.
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Remove all tech from her life - no TV, no laptops, no tablets, no phones, no internet, nothing. No kids need any of this crap. So, just get rid of it, gone gone all gone. End of. Use books and notebooks for school.
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Gramma just lost privileges to spend time with grand daughter . Gramma dis’d you good!
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Spank g ma and take the phone awsy
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Well it sounds like you have your answer .
The amount of perfect people on here SMH. I have 8 kids do you know how many times I have been busy and they asked for help so I just put my address in without thinking about it right that second. Unless they constantly stomp all over your boundaries it sounds like you just don’t like grandma.
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Although grandma went against your wishes, I wouldn’t stop your daughter from being able to stay overnight. I think if they are close, it would be too cruel of a punishment emotionally because you never get those moment back. Grandma won’t always be there. When she gets older she will have one anyways, so I would find another way to punish her. Taking people out of her life over this is not a punishment… also, maybe think about getting into tik tok with her. That’s what I did with my daughter. And we have fun with it. And I monitor it. Very close. But, either way, you’re the parent and what you say goes , so no judgement 
just my opinion. Also, I feel like you should have a serious talk with grandma about boundaries. In a nice way.
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She should have never went against u EVER! My daughter had tik tok and her account was hacked. Not sure by who but they were messaging all her friends trying to get nudes. Long story short one girl did send them and state police got involved. Needless to say my daughter no longer has TikTok and lost alot of friends. Luckfully I have an app that monitors everything she does on her phone and was able to prove that it wasn’t her.
I would make it clear to her and grandma that if they can’t follow the rules at her house then she can’t be there unsupervised. Also explain to her how disobeying you made you feel. Also ask her why she did it and what her feelings are about why she can’t have it. At 11 she should be capable to explain her reasoning and yall can form a more open relationship.
I would sit down with grandma & tell her you are teaching her safety on the internet. Youd appreciate her support in teaching & guiding her instead of overriding her. Explain that he we phone has parental controls that side you in helping her learn. Ask her to please not let her use other devises & to ask you before helping her set up accounts of any kind. I wouldn’t let her stay for long periods of time until she regains your trust & respects you. Explain this to your daughter as well.
No more unsupervised visits.
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Hell no! Tell her if she over steps your rules and boundaries again she can only visit when supervised.
PARENTING IS UP TO THE PARENTS!!!
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Maybe you should only allow the contact with the grandparents only when you are around to supervise. They are giving so many conflicting statements and you have no idea who to believe but one thing is clear, she got the tiktok account while at her grandma’s when you weren’t there. Your wishes were ignored because either she let her have it, she ignored your wishes and helped her, or she just handed her the phone and didn’t monitor. Either way those are all bad and something you don’t want. So first you should try the supervisions and if they don’t work either you should distance yourself a little from the grandma. She clearly doesn’t have your wishes at heart because they were ignored.
If I can’t trust someone to follow the rules I have in place to keep my daughters safe, they can’t be around them when I’m not around. Better safe than sorry. No telling what kind of videos she has watched now or what kind of people she’s been exposed too.
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Tell her she can have a tick tock account but she’s not allowed to post anything herself. Also you need the username and password if she wants one. (So you can check posts, comments, messages, etc.) Tiktok might be an outlet for her creativity and inspiration. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to use it safely!
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I had this issue and explained to grandparents the issue. If grandparents can’t be respectful of parental boundaries, child will not go over…
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I would keep her home for awhile. Grandma seems to be the problem.
What was the content of her videos? Reality is,you can’t and won’t keep her off tiktok.
No grandmas and no phone and she needs additional chores so she will not get bored
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Reality, she will find a way to get on tic tok.
Sounds like g-ma didn’t understand what she was doing. Daughter probably told her it was somethinng else they were downloading.
Honestly maybe she was busy and just put in her info to make her happy. I’d get rid of ticktok and keep her monitored and make sure to tell grandma again that you do not want her on that, but don’t take away nights she gets with your daughter for one mistake. You can’t get back the moments with loved ones.
Here’s my 10 year old she went on my tik tok 
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Don’t be to upset with the grandma she probably has a tiktok too it really isn’t that bad if you help set the algorithm… && grandma has a different relationship with there grandkids they try to be fun tell her your issue and that you don’t want it to happen again don’t let her use a phone at gmas house but dont punish your kid and her by not allowing ur daughter to go see her over night she will just end up resenting you.
Stop letting her go to her grandmas for a few months but set an account up on your phone for her to use ONLY when you are right there with her to over see what she is getting on granny might be mad but ohwell! might show her you meen business and at the same time it will show your daughter that you want some mother/daughter bonding time. Of course you might want to start out telling her you want the mother daughter bonding time 1st or she will throw a fit and just say youre trying to control her n be nosey. Plus after you are around an 11 yr old very long youre either gonna become hip or go out of your mind and wont care what she gets on anymore as long as you get your alone time lol😄