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QUESTION:
"My husband is black and I am very very white. Our 8 year old is obviously mixed but white passing…her hair is that of a POC though and I struggle with doing it sometimes…I want to learn how to do braids and protective hair styles but dont want to offend anyone with me learning or with my white passing daughter wearing them all the time…so what can I do with her hair? I dont want to upset people by learning braids that are not used in my culture but I feel I am letting my daughter down by not knowing out to protect her hair…"
RELATED: I am a White Mom Raising a Mixed Son in an Otherwise All-White Family: Where Should I Begin?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Take baby girl to a black owned business and let them show you a few hairstyles to keep her hair protected. Best to go straight to the source because they will have the best knowledge. You learn, they earn, and everyone wins because baby girl feels like she got the pampered princess treatment. Nobody will judge you for coming into a business and asking for genuine help. And if anyone in the world feels some type of way about you and your daughter taking care of her hair, just hand them the business card of the place you took her and wish them a beautiful day."
"Take the child to a beauty salon & let them do it & you carefully observe how they are styling it for her."
"grandma? Auntie? A hairstylist? Your child has hair that needs to be done and it really doesn’t matter who is “offended”. Learn how to care for her hair and let people be offended, thicken that skin up"
"It may not be your culture, but it is hers. Stop worrying so much about what other people think, you’re doing a great job just by wanting to learn."
"I can’t remember the name of the channel but there is a YouTube channel for White Moms learning mixed/black hair. Also, don’t be afraid of stopping by a Black beauty salon. Getting your little ones hair done will get get acclimated with properly caring for her own hair and also loving her hair texture."
"YouTube is a good resource. Black mothers are too. I’ve known many situations where white mothers have turned to their black friends for help with hair. Most mommas are happy to help out."
"There’s a white mom on Youtube who does protective hair styles for her daughter who is black and she is phenomenal. Took her years of practice so settle in for a long tour. But better late to the black hair care party then to never attend."
The best thing you can do would be to get hooked up with a black stylist who braids, just call around to salons! I am a hairstylist and I feel very confident that the stylist you choose will actually be very appreciative and supportive that you are trying to learn how to give your daughter the best head start on learning how to do her hair. You learning to braid or fix your black daughters hair is not cultural appropriation. It’s genuine care for your black child and helping her to celebrate her culture. And I think anyone can get behind that. This is just like dads who want to learn how to do their daughters hair so their daughters can go to school feeling good about their hair. It’s not a bad thing at all for you to want to do this!
"As a white mom to a bi-racial daughter I know your struggle. I was able to connect with some lovely ladies in my community who taught me in conjunction with watching A LOT of YouTube videos. I also bought a dummy head on Amazon and just practiced a lot. They’re still not perfect or salon quality but they get better each time."
"Many black women like myself are more than happy to teach you. I truly believe the “white passing” is more offensive than teaching your baby who she is. You should surround yourself with women who represent your daughter as well."
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