So I’m troubled because my daughter was taken away when I was 16 and placed in guardianship with my mom, but my mom is a drug addict alcoholic and hoarder. But the courts granted the guardianship anyway. Long story short, my daughter has lived with my mom for the past 14 years. My mom has told my daughter all of these crazy things about me to the point my daughter wants nothing to do with me. But CPS took her away again. This is not the first time my mom has had my daughter removed from her care; it’s like the 4th or 5th. This last time my mom ran to Vegas so she wouldn’t be caught or at least I think she was in Vegas well she was arrested with my little brother and my daughter and my daughter was transported back to California and putting Polinsky. CPS wants me to do an ICPC and see if my home will be approved to take my daughter in. Now they took my daughter away last year 2018 in August than had to remove her or tried removing her again August of 2019, which was when my mom ran. Last year when I did this, and I had the ICPC come to my home, they told me my home wasn’t big enough. I love my daughter, and I feel traumatized by my mother because she was always abusive towards me. CPS won’t let me terminate my rights because they say that my daughter might need me in the future but my daughters four years from being a legal adult and I don’t see her view on me changing anytime soon I want to be there for her but on the same hand I want to turn and run so far away that I never have to know anything about the situation again. I know CPS was in the wrong to place her with my mom, and I know I’m a good parent because I have her two sisters and her little brother on the way, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this. She hates me because of what my mom has told her, but she wants her sisters in her life. Should I bother with this case since she wants nothing to do with me, or do I let go and let the past be the past?
Check your location for Legal Services. If you think your child is in danger, call CPS to reopen the case.
I mean your daughter is always going to be your daughter. Regardless. And most cases it takes the child a little growing up before they actually do have a change of heart but the age shes at if you don’t try to keep her out of the system her opinion may never change because shes old enough now to know that they wanted you to take her and you said no. Everyone will have their own opinion but i wouldn’t keep her from her siblings because of what your mom did to you and her.
She will come around and see the truth if she wants to you cant force that on her 💁 and if your honest and she finds that out maybe she will have a change of heart otherwise you cant force that on her
Deep down the hate comes from her needing you and you weren’t there…whatever you do do not run the other way…shes allowed to “hate” you shes allowed. To be angry and sad…DO NOT RUN… Stand strong and love her unconditionally even when she pushes you away… Eventually those walls will come down… Good luck
Why was she taken away from you in the first place? And how long have you been trying to get her back?
14 years is a long time and she will be sad to see you raising other children and not her.
This is a horrible situation. But the victim here is your daughter. The damage already caused will be amplified if you just “wash your hands of the situation”. No I can not tell you it’s okay to just abandon your oldest because it’s hard. She is your child, your responsibility and it’s your love she is missing. Of course she angry and bitter and hurt. She at the hardest age for girls and from sounds of it, she has been shitted on all her life. You need to step up, take responsibility and love your child unconditionally and let her know she can count on you. Time to step up mom, not time to check out.
Never give up on your child.
I don’t know you however you should definitely do whatever necessary to get her. No matter how she acts or what she says she wants you to b her mom. Her actions r just her way of protecting herself bc she doesn’t want to b hurt by you. Do whatever u need to and stand up for her. No matter that she’s almost legally an adult,she is still a child ,your child that needs love and guidance. It will take time to repair the damage done but she didn’t ask to b here so it’s up to you to deal with whatever u have to. Praying for u. Pls step up for your daughter.
Ummm… so good of a mom you want to sign rights away on your kid? Wow!
It will be the hardest choice you need to make and life with… Too sides I see from being on the outside…
- do you remember 14 and how much you just wanted to be loved, even if you were pushing away?
- if you think she hates you now what do you think turning your back is going to send for a message…
I have had to make some very hard decision these last couple months of my own and everyday I wonder if I made the right one but to know that my kids are happy and healthy I know I did…
If you want to on my to find out more go ahead!!
Show her the real you and show her you want to be her mother. Fight for her! Show her she is important!
Keep fighting for her!
Never stop no matter what her age is!
Never stop fighting for your child
Get her back how you can and move away from that states CPS as soon as you legally can.
Your a mother . You dont get to run away no matter how hard it gets grow up
Never stop fighting for your child. 14 years…she doesn’t even know you. Give her the chance to see for herself. I could never give up on my child, no good mother would.
never give up.she needs to trust you.
Love her through her angry stage, show her that she can feel whatever way but that doesn’t change your love for her. Once my daughter had children of her own she understood me differently. We had to do a ton of work on our relationship. She is in her 30’s now, I have 2 beautiful granddaughters. We continued to get better and stronger together. It’s hard. Hang in there. It’s worth it
Lived w/ mom for 14 yrs?!? Fuck all the BS, you failed, I’d hate you to. And had other kids why she waited for someone to come get her, f*ck you and your story
prayers for the child and the future of her and her siblings
She needs you! Show her you’re not what your mom told her! Cut your ties with your mother for all the wrong she has done. Go get your daughter!
Your family is a very toxic and dysfunctional one. Accept that fact first and also know that it would be the beginning of your healing. It has not been your shield, rather your family unit has been one of your greatest pain in life. Infact your first years, you experienced a baptism of pain. Your last statement about letting the past be in the past by moving on is also an indication that you are used to the culture of giving up! Well I can’t go any further for now cuz services are not free, but one thing to take away if you are reading is to accept that all these have happened then move forward by utilizing problem solving approaches as a form of intervention. GoodLuck and all the best.
Get Proof and evidence… document everything! The Courts love paperwork and documentation… everything is evidence based not hearsay.
Oh my God, so you think you’re a good mother because your other kids haven’t been taken away yet?? Do I have this right? Lots of people have their kids who shouldn’t. Good mother don’t wanna run from their kids for situations THEY put them in. Your daughter doesn’t hate you cuz of any"crazy stuff"your mother told her, or not just because of it. That baby got taken from you for a reason and hasn’t been back with you for a reason. That’s why she hates you. You have alot to prove to her but like so many deadbeat parents would rather cash out than do the fucking work. Makes me sick. I try not to judge but dam you opened yourself right up to it. Grow up and be the mother she needs. Period
I would research on Narcissistic Mothers. And seek counseling that specializes in Narcissistic abuse.
Don’t run. Fight for her, even if you lose at least she will know you tried. It will make a difference in her mind and someday she will reach out to you. It is hard when a child has been told all their life how bad their parent was. Your mother should be ashamed.
a Mother NEVER gives up on her child EVER regardless of the situation
She needs reassurance. She probably trusts no one
They wouldn’t let you have her back because your house isn’t big enough? Are you sure? I’d get more information on the case. Find out exactly why cps won’t let you have her and work to change those things. The fact that you have other children but she isn’t with you could be enough for her to harbor feelings of hate towards you. If she sees you working to get her back it can help a lot.
Motherhood doesn’t stop at 18. Be grateful that you have the chance to fight for her and fight.
I would suggest you take your daughter. It’s going to be difficult and you will feel like giving up at times but she is worth it. There will come a time when she might listen to your side of the story. Also I would suggest therapy for her. Later on down the road you could be part of that. Tell the worker that your mom should have limited access and always supervised
I thought when a child was 13 they can live where they wanted to NO?
Therapy. Family therapy
First thing you should of done was get her once you turned 18. Why wait 14 years so people can poison her with bullshit. You went and had other kids while your child was there waiting hoping her mom will come for her nah you been failed the moment you turned 18 and didn’t get her but went on to have another family.
Always fight xx she will no one day how much you loved her
My question is why is your mother raising your daughter instead of you raising her
She is 14 and if there a chance u can get her back do it cuz if u DNT she will definitely hate u if u fight for her and get her back u can sit down and talk to her she has to be going through alot right now and as a mother u Never give up on ur kid
Thats your child, you had her. Running would make you your mother. Maybe try giving her a semi normal life for those 4 years she has before she’s a legal adult since shes only known the hell you lived through and probably worse.
Most states allow a minor (14 -16) to determine where they wish to live. Contact a lawyer (most offer free consults) and proceed to get her back. Whatever you do (if you do get her back) is NEVER talk bad about your mom, forget it and move on, show her love and who you really are and let her connect with siblings. It’ll be rough to start but in time she will know the real truth and you won’t come off petty. Good Luck!
Info missing here why if your mother so that in these last 14 years you haven’t gotten your daughter back? What you out there doing?
Always different sides to a story… if your a mother to other children in your custody… than start thinking about your older daughter, who definitely has the shitty end of the stick! In and out of homes, because other people are traumatized and cant be adults. Of course she doesnt trust you, or most likely her grandmother… how would you. In your comments, you want to run and forget… so if your daughter read that, how is she supposed to love you and move on and trust you, when you’ve given up because it’s too hard… some created these shitty circumstances, your child, regardless is shes 4 yrs away from being 18… does not deserve the cards shes been dealt… by people who cant get their crap together and actually be an adult and put there kids first… All their kids… Sorry if I am harsh… but she didnt choose her parents, or grandmother… shes just trying to get thru life with however it rolls… , If your not willing to be there for the long haul, than be an adult and explain that to her… so she can have nothing to do with you and her grandmother… and she can put her trust else where. perhaps a better foster care home… which yah may not be ideal… but having blood relatives who cant put them first, seems alot shittier… Or be the same mother you are too your other kids… and fix the situation… even if it takes years… because I am sure she wants a normal life and a normal mom… And if she hates you… well if your her mother, and shes been taken away from everyone… how do you think they would feel? They need counseling… and than counseling together… That’s traumatizing crap for anyone… stand up and be a better adult.
That is your flesh and blood. You had her at a young age and haven’t really been there. You need to get her back and gain a relationship with her. Show her you arent all those things your mom told her. Poor kid needs someone who is grounded and secure in her life.
You always have been and always will be her mother fight fight fight fight fight fight and never give up
Never Ever give up on your children NEVER
When we become moms we throw away the opportunity to say Let’s leave the past in the past. She will be your daughter till you die. So instead of looking at it in negative way. Know she will try you!! But if you love her you will show her in actions that no matter what you will be there for her! That is what she needs. She will see that your mother was wrong in time. But if you don’t fight for her now she will know your mom was right about you!!
Let go. U can only do so much & u have 3 lil 1s 2 think of. Until someone walks in ur shoes will they ACTUALLY know. Prayers 4 u n ur family:pray:
One f#@ked up situation
Apple don’t fall far from it’s tree
Run and you will be just like your mother a waste of space
Wow I’m not sure I understand the logic on some of these oh so helpful comments.
Sound like you lost your right to be her mother long ago.
They place her with grandma that clearly had the ability to cause her more trama…
Now your left to sort out the broken pieces.
Be there for your daughter the best you can but clearly at the moment your unable to “fix the broken in her” you can’t help her until “you fix what’s broken in you” be there for her show her you care but get her the help she needs that you can not provide.
That is YOUR daughter. Did you establish any kind of relationship with her in the past 14 years? I can’t imagine my mother talking so bad and my child being in my life seeing different. Something happened… she hates you not because of what your mother told her… perhaps family therapy can help and individual therapy. Regardless of the situation YOU NEED TO TRY for the sake of YOUR daughter.
This story sounds all too familiar
This is the stupidest post I’ve ever see newsflash lady your her fucking mother. Grow up who says things like should I terminate my rights. Well maybe since it sounds like you dont give a shit about your kid. No matter the circumstances be a mother to your daughter
Show her you will fight for her!!! Its never too late to repair and have faith things will and can change for the better. It will take patience and time but, it will so be worth the effort to forgiveness and healing.
Fight for her. I didnt have my daughter for a decade because my brother fucked up her head. Its taken me 3 yrs just to have a semi normal relationship with her.
She only has 1 true mother and you are the only one who can give her what a true mother can don’t let her feel she is all alone out there be a mom to her it’s never to late to turn things around and believe me you will be so happy you did in the end
Counseling!!! Your child is worth it. The Lord gave you that child. He also has made you strong. Turn it over to Him. He will help you overcome. I will pray for you. She probably feels that you love her siblings more than her as you have them. She was fed lies…bit the TRUTH will prevail in the end.
As a child who’s father gave up on me, I would say hang on and keep trying. Show her that you are trying and you still want to be part of her life, do everything you can, that a mother should do to win her back. She needs you!!! I work in the mental health field and deal with cases like this all the time, it’s heartbreaking! Don’t give up!
STOP having kids if you can’t take care of the ones you have. Geesh.
Dosent matter how big your place at all its -important to make sure she had her own bedroom that’s all they cant tell you about place tho its illegal as long she had her own bedroom
It’s your kid. You always fight for your kid no matter what’s going on or how scared you are. She’ll come around once she sees how much you love her. Put in the hard work. You can do this.
Uhhh idk, just quit on your other three kids while you’re at it.
Why was she taken from you in the first place? I get you were 16 but what event caused CPS to take her? And if you’re moms a true tweaker why is CPS giving her back? Obviously you’re daughter needs counseling, and even at 14 it may be too late to help her recover from the past but you can try to start fresh
Don’t give up on her. She’s been through so much and is 14 years old. You’re her mother, she needs to know someone will always be there for her. Get a bigger place if that’s all it takes! Most teens “hate” their parents at some point, I think it’s time to grow up.
You need to be her mother & get her help! After 14 yrs, you want to whine about what your mother has told her? What did you do in those 14 yrs to prove otherwise??? CPS doesnt just take kids, honey. Mom up & do what’s right by ALL of your kids!!!
Your her mother regardless wether she hates u or not . I grew up in the system and don’t wish it anyone I definitely would suggest therapy for you and your daughter. Don’t give up on her it’s never to late
Running away is only proving your mom right in my opinion. She’s 14, she’s still a child and you’re still her mother. The only thing that you can do is show her that you’re not what your mom made you out to be and fight to get her back. And make sure to actually show her not just tell her. Actions speak louder then words. It’s going to be hard but if you want her in your life it’ll be worth it in the long run.
You should fight. That’s your baby no matter hour old she is turning.
That’s tricky. If it were me I wouldn’t ever give up on my daughter. I hear you say that you don’t think it’ll change. But what if it did? What if you could mend that relationship? And if you try and it doesn’t mend at least you know you did everything you could and you won’t have to live with that guilt because it’ll be her choice. Sorry you’re in a tough situation prayers to you!
Where were you when you 14 years ago when she was taken? You obviously didnt follow the parenting plan CPS set and lost custody. If my mom didnt care enough to try to get me back and instead went on to have more children, then I would hate her too. Respect has to be earned and it sounds like she doesn’t have a reason to respect you.
damn some of y’all r ruthless. smh
You open your legs take some responsibility and fight for your daughter and show her that you care and love her Before she hates you even more! Don’t give up just because it’s hard. Tbh if this happen to me and my mom didn’t care enough to fight for me and had other kids than I would hate her too and not want anything to do with her because I will feel unwanted…
Why wouldn’t you fight for your daughter? I’d walk to the end of the Earth for mine. She will always love you, you’re her mom and all she’s seen so far is that you won’t even fight for her. Of course shes gonna hate you for that but it’s not too late to try . Just sad that you would think of giving her to the system, she has every right to hate you for that
So you think it’s better to turn your back on her and let her fall further into the system? While you raise three other kids? You should be fighting for her, whether she likes you or not. You should have been fighting for her for the last 14 years. You let her sit in a situation you knew was abusive, and you wonder why she hates you? Hmmmm. She deserves better, and you have a responsibility to give it to her. Get her some professional help, get joint counseling for both of you.
Why did you wait 14 years??? This is so sad I feel so bad for your daughter!
I would suggest starting small and suggesting counseling with her. It sounds like you would both benefit from not only independent counseling, but family counseling too. Perhaps through that she will be able to see you went through things very similar to her. I’m not sure I’d let her move in, based on your current relationship, her age and the fact you have other children in your home (I assume young, and another baby on the way). I wouldn’t think that is healthy for anyone right now, but perhaps she can be put into placement with open visitation, if counseling is started. I’d also let her have contact with her siblings. Maybe that’s another way you can let her back into your life, slowly, while also exposing her to the fact you’re not the horrible person she’s been lead to believe you are. Maybe her seeing you are okay or even happy she’d like to be involved with her siblings, along with how you treat them, she’ll be a bit more open to a relationship. Also, assuming her visits with her siblings take place in your home or with you supervising, it will also give you an opportunity to communicate with her and over time form a better bond.
Why have you not completed parenting plan before this to get her back? Also…you are her mother, you don’t just give up because it’s too hard.
your kid was apprehended and you’re still having more kids? no wonder she hates you. can you imagine the damage it’s done to her? why you don’t want her but her siblings? SMH. She’s better off without you.
Don’t give up! She may seem to hate you now but you’re her mom and it’s more important to do right by our children than to have them like us.
Dont give up on your daughter. EVER. What is wrong with you?
That’s your kid how you gonna say let the past be the past. You don’t give up on your kid
From someone who was taken away from my parents, I’d say don’t give up. Even if it still ends up with her disliking you, a part of her will see that you tried and that will stay with her. My parents signed over their rights and I’ve never forgiven them for it.
Dont give up on her. She needs you now more then ever. You are her mother, she is still a child. She needs you mama. You dont want her to think those things your mom has said is true?!?! SHOW her they are not true. Actions speak louder then words.
Be her mom, be her support. Show her you’re not what her grandmother told her you were. It’s not her fault she was taken. But it’s your job to be there! So be there. It’s not fair to take her siblings from her either. You say you’re a good mom, well this is what mom’s do. We do what we need to be there for our kids. It’s hard and it sucks. And I’m feeling for you. But don’t turn your back on this baby. Or she will turn out just like your mom…
Have 3 more but give up on the oldest. Sure. She’ll really want you in her life then 🤦
Bother with the case?! Let go of your past?! You mean the daughter you fn created?! Smfh! This is probably the worst post ive seen come from this group. I am baffled and appalled. Wtf is wrong with you! Your a great mother to your kids? But dont want to bother fighting for your child?! And then keep spewing out more kids like she means nothing?! I hated my dad untill i was 17 my mom made him out to be a horrible person. And maybe he was who knows,but i got closer to him and formed my own opinion as i got older now me and my dad are super close i talk to him every single day! I just cant get over this post and how absolutely horrible you sound!
If you love her like you say you do keep fighting and she will see that. Time will help, go for counseling with her. That’s your flesh and blood, fight the fight!
Have you thought about doing some counseling?
What? I had my kids taken by cps because I’m an alcoholic, my parents raised us that way and I ended drinking at a young age. Guess what I sobered up, followed the case plan and got my kids back within 4 1/2 months. I finished treatment and realized my kids mean more to me than having a drink. How does it take 14 years? Wow.
If you know they where wrong then you should be fighting for your child. She probably feels you gave up on her a long time ago and quite frankly I’d hate you too.
Unpopular opinion I’m sure, but I think it’s wise to weigh whether you are willing to take on the challenges and whether she wants to be with you. Legally, she has a say at her age anyway.
That said, take some time to think about maybe she is just angry that you didn’t save her from your mom and maybe if you fight for her she will make a turnaround.
Think about maybe you are afraid. Fear is powerful, and is not the voice to follow. Find love and follow that. There are no guarantees of how things will turn out, but being able to say you followed love regardless is the wisest path.
She’s hardly your past! She’s very much present!! Step up and be a good f**king human!! Stop having other children until you can sort your first one out. To be honest it sounds like the poor girl would have been better away from your whole family!! How people can do these things are beyond me!!!
Hang on. Love speaks loudly. Hang on to what God gave you
She might have a change of heart about you if you fight for her. If you don’t, I’m sure she will hate you for the rest of her life. I would personally do anything for my kids.
It may be hard right now but please don’t give up on your daughter…she’s been through it all just like you…she may not realize it now but she needs you and you need her more than you realize…
She’s probably holding a ton of resentment towards you. And I can’t blame her. You’ve had 14 years to fight for her and get her back, but instead you’ve had more children, and managed to keep them. Put yourself in her shoes. How would that make you feel?
Don’t give up! Prove to your daughter that every thing your mother told her (the lies) were lies. Apologize for any wrong doing, be honest but not petty. If your place was too small last time, get a bigger place!
Never turn your back on your child. She is traumatized and you are her mother. No one else can take your place. Fight for her. Why would you want to terminate your rights? Get your house in order. Add on or expand your living space so you have the appropriate amount of bedrooms in your home. Get a bedroom ready for her and make things especially nice using what resources you have. Cooperate with CPS to get your daughter back. Pray for her, and pray for your mom.
Hi. Love how you skipped over why your daughter was taken from you by CPS. Let’s start there. I find it hard to believe that your home isn’t big enough so they just took her and left all your other kids with you.
Get the fuck outta here
Did you reread what you wrote. You apparently both suck at being parents and cps took her for a damn good reason. You sound so heartless. Shes your child. The past is not the past. She alive and now gonna struggle you clearly didnt say why they took her well whole story any ways get a damn clue
Your children ALWAYS come first.