My daughter is six years old… her stepdad and I have been together for almost two years. Her bio “dad” came to our home over a year ago, causing a bunch of drama, which resulted in us having to get a restraining order. The RO stated that bio was allowed to call my daughter once a day at a certain time. He was ordered to go do an intake for supervised visits. He obviously failed to do so. His calls are getting fewer and further in between. My daughter doesn’t really speak to him but plays the games on the video chat more than anything. He has never paid a cent for child support, which was also court-ordered. He has a felony drug possession warrant. He has failed to get that taken care of but has begged me to let him see the baby. Baby’s stepdad and I are completely uncomfortable with that, and fear for hers and our safety. We want to get her last name changed, as well, but he won’t give me his address so I can have him served.
if he has not done the court ordered supervised visitation YOU DONT HAVE TO ALLOW THIS and I wouldn’t cause than YOU will be violating court order
He doesn’t get to see her until he does everything he is ordered to do to do so. Court wont take you seriously if you let him around without doing anything and then try to complain about him not following the court orders.
No address? Oh hell no!
If he’s been told how he can see his child…until he gets his life together…
“You want to see her, that’s perfectly fine. Follow the court order.”
And leave it at that. He can be mad or whatever, but he hasn’t don’t his part to make the court change it.
No judge will enforce his wants when he hasn’t done anything else asked of him.
Unless the new guy married you and adopted her. . . He isn’t stepdad and has no say. If he can prove he’s trying and that you are withholding it’ll look bad on you. Protection orders do expire so if you feel unsafe then make sure that’s in date still. If you choose to meet up do so in public places such as park, mall, etc.
He needs to do what the court says then see his kid.
Meet in public for visits. And you wont be able to change her name without her dads permission…I’ve been there. Just follow the agreement you have now so you’re not in contempt either
If he can’t stand up and do his part he should have no visits. Follow courts orders or back off!
You have a RO against him, he has warrants and no child support paid… yeah keep your child away
Don’t let him! Violating a restraining order can get you in trouble.
Send it to his last known. They might make you do a paper listing. Look into it.
You think you’re gonna see my kid if I don’t have your address??? Lol faaaaaat chance
Go to family court. Fill out papers for name change, sole physical custody… no address? You will be told to run ad in paper for 6 wks. If he doesn’t answer or show up for court they will then award you what you asked for
If you don’t even know where he lives them no he doesn’t get child and he can’t follow the court orders so next time he says something about it tell him when he does everything the courts want and turn over where he lives to you then he might get a chance but not until he had done everything he’s been ordered to do
If he has a warrant set up a meeting and have the police go instead
Nope he wont get to see her until court stuff is finalized. He didnt do what he was supposed to. As far as last name 9 out 10 you wont get to change it because your name can change but his wont. Sk most of the time they don’t grant name changes if dad is even a little involved
He would have to sign his rights over to have the name change.
You can check into abandonment time length and see if the judge will take his rights away.
But then that is hard one bc what if your daughter doesn’t want that. She’s not old enough to really understand all this.
Did her Dad sign her birth certificate? If not it might be easier to change her last name.
Helllll to the no. First off, no address? Don’t let him take her. He can’t do shit until he takes care of the court ordered stuff.
Parents who think it’s cool to come and go from the child’s life as they please ultimately do more damage. He’s already chosen not to be a part of her life so go to court and file abandonment. Letting him confuse her every couple of years isn’t fair to her.
Keeping a child from a parent cause he doesnt meet the clearly partial parents requirements is disgusting… And if you push it. Said child will resent you in the future… Good luck with that
Follow the court order. If he wanted to see her he would do it
Go back to court if he isn’t taking steps to hold up his end of the agreement/court order.
I have so much to say on this subject, being I have been through a similar situation,but I will try and keep it short. My ex reached out to my daughter when she was 10 trying to be in her life and she wanted to see him, naturally she wanted to know what he was all about and I feared her being around him, bc he doesn’t know what responsibility is and lived a very drama filled life, to say the least. I talked to so many people about it bc I was honestly kinda hurt she even wanted to see him. I spent her whole life protecting her from knowing that life. And no i never talked bad about him. If she asked about him i simply said we were young and he just wasn’t ready to grow up. A really good friend of mine told me that it’s not about what’s best for me but what’s best for Alyssa and until Alyssa can handle/understand what could be very disappointing to her, in her heart and her mind, should i let her make that decision. Alyssa was picturing this picture perfect relationship and was not ready for the reality of what she was actually going to get. She has since met him, she was 17, they do have a light relationship now and he has changed his life style but she sees that their relationship is that of almost friends… he still doesn’t get the responsibility side of being a parent, but has no problem bragging about his 19yr old daughter who’s in her second year of nursing school, like he had something to do with that … anyway, I offer you the same advice my gf gave me. If you feel your daughter can’t handle in her heart and mind how your ex’s relationship will be with her then you need to do what’s best for her and make that decision. My ex missed out on all of Alyssa’s childhood but that was his own fault not mine, he has even told Alyssa that he was no good for her then and that I did the right thing keeping her away. Btw my ex had been court ordered random drug testing, anger management classes, court supervised visits and parenting classes when Alyssa was 1 and told if he did all of that he was more then welcome to come back and ask for more, and he didn’t do any of it. Idk your whole situation but neither do the people who are saying keeping your child from their parent isn’t in the child’s best interest bc I know first hand sometimes it is! And I promise you, you daughter will not blame you for keeping her safe! Good luck to you!
Fuck no you shouldn’t. You have all the answers in front of you listed. Period; point blank. Why question yourself as a stable parent for someone whose afraid of their address being known or handling the mess they got themselves into. Find your confidence as a mom, clearly you have done amazing thus far DONT back track now for someone who is a flight risk.
If it’s not court ordered then don’t?
Tell him he can see her for an hour at a meeting place like a park or something and don’t go. Have him served there. Or show up without your daughter and serve him yourself.
You have custody what you say goes.
Only way u can change her name if he signs of on it and by the sounds I don’t think he will
I would say no until get goes through the proper channels
Until the court makes you, don’t let him. He would do what he was supposed to do if he actually cared enough
Verbally agree to meet him in a public place and have some one serve him when he comes up too you then just leave
Retraining orders, drug charges…and didn’t do intake for supervised visits. Really it’s not about whether you feel comfortable it’s about what is right.
Call a lawyer and figure out what rights he has and what the law states.
Right now the name change shouldn’t be a priority it should be in determining whether there is a legitimate safety concern or not.
It should be in determining if dad is genuine and is willing to do what needs to be done. If he is willing he should be allowed to see is child. If he is not, well obviously he doesn’t see her.
You know , it really does mess with a child throughout the rest of their life span not being able to see the father. Even though she has a step dad that’s not her real dad so the love and connection isn’t there. I would say give the guy a chance , maybe he’s trying to clean up his act & needs to see her to get that strength. You should tell him to meet at a mc donalds or a park & you along with step dad can sit there & watch so you know everything that’s happening. I hope you take this into consideration cause being raised without seeing my biological father really messed me up & I’m barley getting through it at 22 years old although I had a stepdad since I was 10 yrs old. Best of luck to you & your family.
do not let him see her! … you have a court order in place and he’s the one not folllowing that !
Send court papers to his last known address. He will be considered to have abandoned her and then she can be adopted by your husband.
He’ll know I wouldn’t let him see her tell him to take u to court then let them know he has a warrant problem solved
2 years isnt long enough lol dont change her last name to his…majority of relationships dont work out these days… everything else you are right about though.
If he was court ordered to do intake for supervised visits, doesn’t that mean he can’t do visits unless supervised?
If he has an active warrant then i would not allow visits especially bcuz he failed to do what he needed to get his visits in the 1st place. As for changing her name u can post the notice in the newspaper or serve papers at his last known address. Sometimes u have to do it a cple times just to prove u tried to serve him.
U don’t have to tell him to take u to court he. Don’t have a leg to stand on
You won’t be able to change her last name if dad says no. Around here there’s a court ordered place to do supervised visitations and you and Dad are not allowed to see each other or interact whatsoever in that time
I would feel uncomfortable to. Especially with a warrant.
Leave her last name alone.Dont take things like that away from Children.
tell him ok if u want to see her we will go down to the police station for a supervised visit and make sure u drop in the cops ear he has a warrant… dont take the kid down with u and when he asks where she is tell him… wheres my child support? wheres the papers stating you took care of your warrant, wheres your address for me to serve you?? ohh dont have none of that?? well guess thats why she isnt here to see you… but theres a cop rigjt there for you to turn yourself in to begin the process of getting to see her…
Get supervised visite through the court.It’s not about you It’s about the child.
Nope definitely not, he is toxic and hasn’t done what he was meant too, to start with so now he doesnt get to see her
You can’t change her name unless her stepdad adopts her and if she’s adopted then her biological dad will no longer pay child support. If you fear for her safety I would get another restraining order
You keep her from her dad and you will be the bad guy. Allow him to see her in public with you and your bf there. I know you want to protect her from being let down but you have to let her grow up and see him for who he is. Then let her decide on the name change.
do not let him see her. you will b charged with endangerment t of a minor
Step dad has no rights. So drop his opinion on the matter at the door. U probably wont succeeded at the name change. Cause he still shows he contacts. Not paying child support is no reason to distinguish his rights or his name on the child. Get an attorney to properly help u TRY to accomplish what you want.
Your poor daughter . I get her bio dad has got some major issues. Any good parent would have concerns. But this man is STILL and always WILL BE your daughter’s father. I get wanting to keep her safe. But trying to wipe out her tie to him isn’t fair to HER. Changing her name isn’t fair to her. There may come a day. When her bio dad turns his life around and can hopefully be a better father. I just feel that her safety comes first of course. But completely trying to delete him will be damaging to your daughter in the long run.
Your attitude has a lot to do with her attitude towards the situation… think about that.
He has an active warrant and you’re aware…thats a big fat no!
Set him up to get arrested on felony warrant. If he didn’t comply with requirement for supervised visits, then legally, he shouldn’t be able to visit without completing said tasks.
The invisible man, I got one of those bastards in my life as well
Talk to your child about healthy boundaries. Then enforce the RO. You don’t need that kind of drama in your life.
Omg same exact situation for me … I also want to change my daughters last name as well because why should she represent someone who isn’t nor ever will be present. And he probably sees how good you are doing and how happy you are so he’s trying to mess things up, that’s what my kids dad did. So annoying!
You need to talk to a lawyer and go back to court he is paid no child support that needs to be brought up he hasn’t visited her that needs to be brought up
If he’s been court ordered to have supervised visits then that’s the only way he should be able to see her
None of the stuff you mentioned like child support and his warrant has any effect on his parental rights
I wouldn’t he sounds scary
The dcf office can track that!! I know my hubbys social if i ever needed to track him and once uk that he cant hide from u!!!
No i would let him see her there.
If he has not met court ordered requirements don’t agree to visitation. Remind him of the arranged phone call time and see how that pans out. Then require the rest of any court ordered stuff.
He is her dad he can change and one day maybe he will be a good person let her see her dad he doesn’t call much cause new step dad but god sees all and one day all wi be judged do the right thing alwaysaleast for ur daughter
I’ll play Devils advocate here- give another perspective.
Was the drama over the child ??
because personal drama shouldn’t ever b a reason to restrain a father from his child. Then wonder why things are fading off. IF…
He’s a good person, allow him to try to be a better father. y’all feelings matter NOT! A lot of men end up feeling hopeless and wonder if it’s worth it or is it doing more harm than good to fight ! ONE damn call??? I get it - you dnt care how he feels. That’s one of the biggest issues in these matters. At a CERTAIN time? What if it was inconvenient for Him? Why did he miss the intake ? Why is he missing payments ? Most do because they pay for a child the mother won’t let them see! Or they’re limited to this … You All need to talk before removing her father over feelings.
Drama can b solved- that kind of control you two want can b damaging. Hope it all works out. If he’s abusive, addicted to substance or neglectful while in his care then I get it.
Do not change her last name. She can do that when she gets older if SHE wants to. That isn’t your choice.
Best advice…follow your Mom gut instincts and let no one else influence you, including your new husband.
It’s not as easy to change the kids last name as you all may think. Putting the money aspect aside, it’s very rare that a court will go ahead with a name change without the fathers concent . This is state by state of course but I know in NJ, the kid could have not seen their bio father for 10 years, no calls, visits, cards or any contact and still, nothing when mom wants a change.
You need a lawyer and talk about full custody. But I would still let him at least talk to her on the phone if you do get custody.
From what you said no. If hes working then you should get his federal taxes. Take him back to court
No. If he failed to do the intake then it’s not safe.
I would let the calls continue for sure, however, not at all saying she should be kept from him, since there were previous orders and requirements for him to have supervised visitation I would get legal advice if possible to see if that is still required. If he is wanting to try to be part of her life again the requirements should still be the same. Don’t put your personal feelings of him into the equation and definitely not the stepdads. He has his right to his options and feelings however it about what’s right for your daughter. Don’t change her name. That’s just you putting your personal feelings into it and being selfish. You have her his last name when she was born for a reason. She is 6 years old! Even if you were able to, what would be your explanation to her for taking away her last name??? Think about that.
This is my favorite holiday as well
Let her change her name once shes 18yrs old. Dont make her hate you for not giving her that right. As for the donor, if he has all these things bad against him. Then dont let him see her without supervised visit. You let her see him even after all the crap hes done, then you’ll be the one to blame if something happens to her. If he really wants to see her then he has to put the time to get his shit together and better himself for his daughter.
Honestly with drug charges pending? I wouldn’t worry about visitation till he gets his supervised intake done. Let him do the work.
Nomatter what thats still her father so why change her name?
Tell him if he wants to see his daughter have supervised visits.
Only you knw whats best for your daughter…
a private investigator would find him or contact your local police and they might be able to help you
It’s almost Halloween that’s a good holiday
you can serve him through the newspaper
if u know some of his personal info u can do a people search on sites like yahoo
You should be able to find his address through truepeoplesearch.com
I would not let him see her. I would send my kid to grandma’s for a sleep over. Tell him to come talk about it at the coffee shop. This is where I would have him served and picked up for the werent. But that’s just me, I’m a bitch like that when it comes to my kids.
If he truly does have a felony drug possession warrant, I understand you wanting him to resolve that before allowing him to keep her. However, beyond that, you really haven’t stated anything that puts your child in danger. Most of YOUR reasoning for not allowing him to see her is because he’s not the father you feel that he should be. And that’s understandable but that’s HER father. A friend of mine was in a similar situation. Step dad came into the pic when child was a baby & treated her like his own. One day he went to pick her up from school but bio-dad had already picked her up. Step dad was furious and felt like bio-dad didn’t have the right to do that because he wasn’t active in her life (among other things). And my friend told him the realest shit I’ve ever heard (& she was in her early 20s). She told him that no matter how much he ain’t shit, he’s the bio-dad & until he decides to give up that right, he has more rights to her than he does. But most importantly, she told him that if he only comes to see her once a year, she will let their daughter see him. She said it’s not her place to teach her daughter that her dad ain’t shit. If he continued on the same path, she’d find out for herself.
Plus most women know good & damn well that they shouldn’t procreate w/a dude & then when he turns out to be the ain’t shit dude that u knew he was, now you want to hold the child hostage because he’s “unfit”. But how good of a parent were you & are you being when you got pregnant by an ain’t shit dude or because he decides he doesn’t want you, that means he doesn’t want the baby either (in your eyes).
Fucking women…keeping children from their fathers…just to be vindictive…should of kept your legs closed…men have feelings too