I sat down with my daughter at 5yrs when I got in serious relationship and she didn’t remember him and again at 8yrs old in which she understood what I told her at a censored level but she has made up her mind and wants nothing to do with him and states that my fiancé who has been in her life since 8 years old is her father…I suggest sitting her down and explaining that she has a father and that he has made poor choices and that you wanted best for her and see if she wants to know him or if she wants time…just use child language and don’t talk about the problems between u and dad bc that has nothing to do with a child…let her make choice if she wants relationship with him or not and respect her decision
My son’s father never wanted anything to do with but when he was 5 i married his stepfather who knows his father(same fire company) I have always been up front with him. He knows who his birthfather his n he knows he had 2 brothers. He is 29 now and it never bothered him but he has always known
File for child support if you haven’t already. No one can make someone be a decent human being, but your child deserves financial support.
We told my now 20 yr old that his father wasn’t ready to be a dad. He understands that even yrs later his father has NEVER tried to contact him. Being autistic his thinking on all of it is a bit skewed at times but he understands that I or his step-dad have always let him know that if his father had wanted to contact him we would of arranged it as best we could.
Definitely go for child support, if you haven’t yet with your sons father then do it for both.
Dont ask for money if it a relationship(with your daughter) that u want from him .
He might not be able to make a financial commitment , and therefore might not make the commitment at all .
I’d explain all if what u have said on here , and apologise to him and him him to consider playing a role in her life .
Remember ‘Dad’ is just a word … he needs to fulfil the role . and its bot fair to expect him to take it easy either .
This is a tough situation xxx
Kids what to know their parents…period. You should just reach out to him. But don’t go after him for back child support. Actually don’t have very high expectations but you should at least try to reach him for your daughters sake.
She deserves support. You can purgatory money away for college if it isn’t needed now. If he wants visitation that is a separate issue that he will have to go after in court.
File those papers for child support and let him be served. He had his time. Let them find him.
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Leave him be. He knows about her. It’s his decision. If you can support her without him, dont get child support involved. He didnt want to be a father then, dont force him now.
YES YES YES ABSOLUTELY YES! You should have been after him from the beginning, drugs or no.
It breaks my heart that you show poor judgement Not once but twice have some one adopt your kids who life isnt a screw up
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Contact him… a question can never get a wanted answer if its never asked. Just simply ask if he would like to meet his daughter. Tell him a little about her. And see if he responds. Is he in the other kids lives? If he is im sure he would like to at least meet his daughter. It sounds like he was just young dumb and naive when u got pregnant. Im sure a lot has changed in a decade. And I wouldnt mention contacting him to her unless he agrees to meet her. Then it can’t break her heart if he doesn’t respond or says no.
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First…Family therapy for both of you girls. Don’t make a move until you both have a path.
The CS is for your daughter not you…that money belongs to her. By all means go after CS…if u don’t need it…put in an account for her.
Tell her when she 18 she can see him and know you made the right choice for her it will work out
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You can try see if he wants to be in her life or not. If not leave be and he just never steps u after leave it be.
No if he wanted to be involved he would have contacted you. I think trying to bring him in her life will just be worse for her in the long run.
tell her who her dad is. That’s not fair to her
Get his info and when she is older give her the information…
I would not contact him it could go bad he could file for custody and judges now adays I wouldn’t risk it
My son is 9 and when he was younger I tried to encourage him to bond with him and he couldn’t be bothered so he lives his life I live mine and do what I gotta do lol also there is no contact at all with his dad
I would tell her that she will meet her dad when she is older and don’t try to solve it with another deadbeat
My daughter got pregnant at 17. Dad wants nothing to do with his son he’s never even seen his biological father. My daughter remarried and he calls his moms husband dad. That is the only dad he knows.
You’ve waited this long, you can wait until your daughter is old enough yo understand the situation. Make sure you tell her the truth .
So why bother if he’s a dead beat dad and didn’t care why bring it up move on sounds like you want drama in your life let it go for the child it’s not about you if he’s down and out why bother 
Maybe he grew up and thinks about her too. You should try reaching out to him.
With my 2nd child, the father did not want to be any part of my baby’s life and asked me to try for an abortion, I said "ABSOLUTELY NOT ". I chose to carry my child to full term, I had a healthy baby girl who is 20 years old now. She asked about her father when she was 7 but she wants nothing to do with her father. I never went for child support at all either.
Same boat my son is now 13 and has seen his real father maybe a total of 3 times his entire life. His father also has another child (girl) and he wants to be in her life has pics all over his social media accounts but nothing of our son his first born . i did take him for child support but as of today he is 25,0000 in debt and in and out of rehabs. Around 10 was when my son started asking same question why did his older brother get to see his dad blah blah blah but after being open and honest with him and actually allowed him to see him one time think it was around 11yr old and his dad came in to our home and spoke with him gor 2 second and left and hasnt been back . yes it broke his heart but my son realized hes better off without someone like that in his life.
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Thanks to ALLAH .there is no such things in Islam.we females marries once and husbnds supports our kids and love them the most that we dont need any other men in our lives…if the husbnd dies then wife is allowed to marry again… isnt it great and comfortable. Feeling sorry for you sister…
Why hasn’t he tried to reach you?..
I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. I want you to know that you have my admiration and support, and that I hope you will get a good solution for you both.
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She has the right to know her dad regardless she WILL resent you if you keep her from that.
God and you are enough for your dota. Let’s stop gluing on men to feel life. Give your dota love n let God complete her life
Be grateful he doesn’t contact you! Do not ever contact him. Enjoy the drama free life.
I don’t have the answer but I’m praying for you and your babies
Personally, do not go after him.
Tell her the truth, he didn’t want anything to do with us and I honored his request.
We were very young and I’ve done the best I can for you.
Just continue to be the constant in your children’s lives.
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If he says no, at least you tried
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Without your daughter knowing, contact him and see if he has changed and would like to spend time with his daughter. If he says no then forget him and go forward in life. You will meet someone who would love to have a daughter. Don’t give up
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I would try to collect child support. He was there too
Its honestly not worth it… My kids father was also an “addict” squandered all my moneybthrought 7.5 years. She spent almost 5 years with him in her life and saw things she shouldnt have had to see…including his cry for attention I’m going to jump out of the car because I got caught lying about bills…my 2.5 year old only had him in her life for about 15 months. He only recently got video visitation. The entire ordeal has been hard on my girls and to top it off…he moved on within 8 months had a gf…and 3 months of dating her moved in with her and her kids…
my girls have a long journey to realize the type of man he is. Anyways I want to thank you for the post as it gave me a channel to vent to someone with a similar situation. Be strong momma!
I would message him and ask him how life has been and his daughter has been asking about him and if he’s interested, you would like to introduce them. I wouldn’t be pushy or cold. Be genuine…you get more flies with sugar. I’ve never believed in making someone be involved if they have no interest. But you won’t know until you ask.
Don’t put yourself and more importantly your child through the disappointment. You’ve been doing fine, explain to her that God has other plans for her life that don’t involve him. You don’t want to try and get child support and then he try and take her from you or get visitation. Or you may have to deal with drama from the other mom, him not respecting your parenting style, overstepping boundaries, they may be abusive, etc. Leave well enough alone and get her involved in a sport or activity where there’s a male mentor or something. It’s not worth the trouble and she will get over it.
Tell her the truth. Don’t try to force anything.
I would just leave it alone. He’s old enough to have a relationship with her and he chooses not to reach out. Also, some states give visitation or custody when you file for child support. I know it’s separate but court sees it if hes going to pay then he has the right to see the child too. So if you decide to go for support keep that in mind. Personally I would message first if I planned on doing support. But I would sit down and explain to her about relationships and how all families are different. You dated her Daddy and broke up just like you were with her brother’s daddy and broke up. Something along those lines anyway.
she’s old enough to be completely transparent with her about the dad situations. it’s good for us to be honest with our kids. they understand more than we think they do honestly
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He’s her dad… You don’t get to decide… You made the decision when you decided to get pregnant… You choose for your child not to have a father… Just cuz someone is a drug addict does not mean that you have the right to take their kid from them… & have another man assume fatherhood… Jesus… The father is the father… & you took that from him… Who’s to say he wouldn’t be clean after you had told him… & then you lie & say that a different man is her dad… Seriously… Every single child deserves the right to know where they come from… Child support??? You are kidding??? After all this time… Now you want support… Please…
My daughters dad got arrested when I was 8 weeks pregnant. Nothing to do with myself other than hes a disgusting monster. He went around saying g he didn’t want her or I. I moved 2 hours away. I havent seen him in over a year. He has 2 other children in another state he fled bc he destroyed his other BMs belongings. He has never met, nor will ever meet his daughter, through me.
If he didnt want anything to do with y’all then, now isn’t the time. Explain to your daughter that she has all the love and support from you and her brother. Dragging her through that isn’t going to be healthy for her especially if he denies her. At 9, she’s going to be crushed that her own “dad” didn’t want her, and she wont understand why. I can understand the longing fir a loving present parent myself. But this situation can do more harm than good.
Personally, if I were in your shoes and able to hire a P.I. (some types of work aren’t that expensive), I would do that before anything else due to history with drugs. Don’t get down on me people, I am not suggesting that people can’t change and turn over a new leaf, so to speak. The problem is, if we are being realistic here, it is nearly impossible to tell just by looking at someone whether they have made that change and stuck with it. Since there is a child involved, it is worthwhile, in my opinion. He may want a relationship with her and at this point, he is more or less a stranger to both her and you. 10 years is a pretty good stretch of time. If he does want a relationship, he may be granted visitation through a court. I know I would not be comfortable with sending one of my children to the home of someone that I barely knew anymore, by themselves, without knowing something current about them. Stability, mainly. Mental and otherwise. That might sound sarcastic but I don’t mean it in that way. Even if he long ago left drugs behind, that isn’t the only potentially problematic factor. You could start by doing a basic search of public records, if you don’t want to go with a P.I. I know that there are many good people out there that have had rough stretches in life, believe me. But honestly, in the end, its about what is best for her. Would it be best for her to know her dad? If he wants to know her and is a decent guy, you bet. I wouldn’t go about hitting him with Child Support right away if you want her to be involved in his life. And it would likely be much easier to decide what direction to go in if you had some idea on what barriers that there might be, before it becomes a situation. Obviously, you can’t cover everything with getting a short glance into someone’s life. But there may be some pretty significant predictors there. Then again, there may not be. I just think it would be worth the peace of mind and maybe even save on heartache later on. For all of you. You do have valid interest in this or I wouldn’t suggest looking into him at all. Again, just my thoughts on it. I would want to know who I would be dealing with before my child ever came into contact with them. Most of us would probably vet a babysitter these days, it would probably be wise to do the same with a person that they might be spending a lot more time with at some point. I see a lot of people saying that he wouldn’t immediately have rights. From my research (shared custody w/absent parent), unless he signs an agreement to completely give up parental rights, he’s already got them. All he would need to do is take a paternity test and file in court for visitation. In my state, filing for Child Support automatically triggers this process if the parents are unmarried, unless papers are signed acknowledging paternity. Then no need for paternity testing, but a custodial agreement is attached and apparently necessary to enroll a child into school. Unless, of course, there is no other parent in the picture. That is an entirely different can of worms. In the end, though, it’s up to you to decide what is best for your little girl and I wish you the very best with whatever you choose to do.
I would message him and tell him that his daughter has been asking questions about her father and would he be interested in pursuing a relationship with her. He may have grown up but been too scared to contact you. My kids currently have not had their “dad” for the last 3 years because he chose a different lifestyle. I wish he would grow up and be a dad but he chooses not to. If he decides to continue to stay out of her life, sit her down and explain it in 9 year old terms. Good luck. It is a hard situation.
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My daughters birth father wanted nothing to do with her when we found out I was pregnant. He already had 2 sons but didn’t want anymore. My son’s father was dad to her from the age of 2 and is still in her life even though we divorced 11 years ago. When my daughter was 13 she chose to find her biological father and meet up with him. The effort was all on her part, he met up with her a handfull of times. She met her half brothers and is in touch with them through Facebook still but the father although still friends on Facebook makes zero effort, not even a happy birthday message! She is now nearly 19 and hasn’t bothered to make an effort with him since age 14. She says if he can’t be bothered with me then I can’t with him.
I think what I’m saying is, wait until she is old enough to reach out to him and she will learn for herself what kind of person he is. You will always be there for her and your love is more than enough.
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Ok my stepson (who I see as my son) is 13. His mom has always come in and out of his life. My hubby has had custody since age 3. They were never married. She went on to have 4 other kids with 4 different men, can’t hold a job or steady place to live. She has made no attempt to see him. She reaches out every so often but then never follows through. I see what this has done to him and the issues it causes. I do feel bad because of his siblings. So my advice though would be don’t open that door. It’s up to him. He is a grown ass adult and if he wants a relationship he can reach out. It breaks your heart but trust me if you reach out and he says yes and doesn’t follow through that does just as much damage not to mention you have no idea what his life is like now. Yes people change but the bottom line is he is an adult and can reach out to you. We stopped reaching out to my son’s bio mom because its up to her to foster and work on that relationship. Should he reach out then yes talk it through with him, set up a plan that works for both of you and your daughter.
I feel you! My ex is the biological father of both of ‘our’ children. Our daughter is 11 and he takes her eow. Our son is 4 and he has never met him. Paternity test and all. You bet he’s paying child support. POS
Hey would you like to meet your daughter is a startc
Let it go and move on.
I would be a constant reminder that he has child number 1 a daughter that no matter what a loser he is she wants to be a part of him, so get your life together, and be a dad you asshole… God will also be dealing with him on this issue I’m sure of it. Prayers for you all.
As a single mother of a daughter that went through pretty much the same situation as you. Do Not, I repeat, DO NOT contact that fool. Why, he showed you and told you his true colors. You contact him or the courts now, you and your daughter are in for a shit storm. You will be put through the ringer. If, IF he lawyers up, they will turn it on you. Telling the courts its entrapment, that you are only looking for money, nothing more nothing less. To them, its not about your child having or wanting a father in her life. Then, they will chew your kid up and spit her out like a bad piece food. And she will be so confused as to whats happening. You can’t talk for her, you can’t defend her, NOTHING! This literally happened to me and my now 18yo daughter. Im glad I did my research and actually worked for our county child support agency. I learned quite a bit and was able to defend and fight for my child’s rights. Trust me, you and your child are better off. You are doing a fantastic job as it is. One day you will be able to tell your child and when she is old enough, if she wants to seek him out let her. Let her make those decisions on her own. Until that happens, do not talk Illy about him to her. Unfortunately, my child was forced to see a man she hardly knew by the courts. Something I knew and felt in my heart was going to end badly and did. Now, that she is 18 she doesn’t care for him one bit.
In the end, you and only YOU know what is best for your child. Go with your gut momma. You know what to do. Keeping you in my prayers.
Answer the hard questions support and love her through all of the pain and uncertainty but most importantly LEAVE THE DEADBEATS WHERE THEY FUCKING BELONG. you got this. Forget about them. They dont want anything to do with you all take them to child support make them pay because thats their responsibility but leave them alone. The kids will grow up and know what they did and what you did. I’m a fatherless kid. I know what it’s like to question and hate myself but i sure am stinking glad a person that didnt want me stayed where he belonged and i wasnt an inconvenience or baggage that would have probably been worse than the questioning.
I’d msg him and let him know your daughter is asking about him. Your daughter deserves to know her bio dad and her siblings.
My son was adopted by my husband and his bio dad signed the papers for it to happen. When we told my son the truth about his bio dad who was in his life off and on as a “family friend” he said he remembered him but had lots of questions for him. They talked for a while but his bio dad lied to him about everything. My son hates that he lied to him and he knew it was lies bc I had pics, a birth certificate and court papers to back everything. My point is, don’t just let it go. Y’all were young and people can actually change. Yes, he could’ve contacted you but hey, shit happens and he may have felt he was doing what was best for her in the long run had he have searched you and saw pics of her with “her dad!” Msg him, he just may surprise you
Im assuming he also was young when you got pregnant… maybe he has grown up and gotten his shit together, find out before you make him apart of your life and legally bound to it
A little about me, my father was never a part of my life when i was young. My mom finally moved on and got married soon after. I was around your daughters age when my mom (at my request) got ahold of my dad so i could speak to him. It was a flop. He told me hed send me money so i could take a bus to see him. A bus, at 9 years old, from Mexico to Houston thats 6hr drive but about 12-16hrs bus terms. Even at that age i was like, why do i gotta go see you intead of you coming to see me. Whatever, that was the last time i spoke to him. Granted he was in and out of my life so i knew who he was amd missed him but after that i was done. At 14, I found out i had a sister my age she was never around him either. Recently (I’m 28) i found out i also have a brother whos 19. I reached out to him (my brother) and he had the same experience of my dad not really caring. Its not a big deal to me, not since i was little but i had an amazing father figure (my moms husband) who did everything my dad didn’t and more. I think in time, she’ll make her own opinions about him. Child support aint gonna do shit, might even make him bitter/resentful towards her. I say just let it be, let her know honeslty how things happened and why it didnt work out. Don’t sugar coat anythung but dont talk bad about him to her either.
Growing up has never come the easier way. It comes with lots of challenges like lost marriages, lost love, financial and job problems and so many more, but still there has always been a solution to every challenges that we face in life. Life has been so difficult for me these past few months and I had given up on myself knowing that I will not find love or true happiness again. Two months ago I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy and excited to have my own baby and I didn’t even call my boyfriend. I just wanted to take the results to him and show him face to face and share the good news together. But when I reached his flat I saw his car parked outside and knew he was home so I went straight to his room. When I knocked, he allowed me to enter because he wasn’t expecting me at the time, but when i opened the door I nearly fainted because I caught him ready handed with another woman in his house. I looked at them and closed the door and ran away, he followed me saying his sorry and the woman is just a friend and nothing else but I knew he was lying and I walked away. I reached home and cried a lot until i told my best friend everything and she told me to fight for my man and not loose him to another woman. She gave me Sir Marere contact +2348109805184 email is: marerespells@gmail. com and told me Sir Marere will bring back my boyfriend to me and love only me. So i contacted Sir Marere and told her everything, he made a love and binding prayers for me and in 1 day of the prayers my boyfriend came to me with that woman I saw him with and knelt down and begged for my forgiveness and told the woman that am the love of his life and he doesn’t ever want to see her again. The woman walked away and that evening my man came back with a baked cake and gifts and flowers and asked for my forgiveness again and promised never to hurt me again and I told him that we are having a baby, he cried and smiled with joy and happiness. We are back together and so much in love and waiting for our baby to arrive. Thanks so much Sir Marere your prayers indeed work. You can call or whats-app Sir marere on +2348109805184 Email: marerespells@gmail. com incase you are passing through the same situation. Don’t be discouraged by what people may tell you that even don’t know the situation you are going through, all that matters are the results so feel free to contact him.
Yes. Go after him for support. It shouldnt be on just you. Also. That bitch would have my foot so far up her ass if she tried to interfere with my child’s relationship with their father. What is wrong with these women. What is wrong with these men that they allow it. Get him put on child support too. Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But it sounds like they are selfish assholes. So hit them where it hurts. In the pockets. You don’t even have to do anything DFCS will do it. Just get the ball rolling.
Ive seen someone else say people change, and ive witnessed it myself, so the first thing I would do is contact him first. Its gonna be scary, i know, i didnt find my sons father til after my son was born and believe me it was the scariest thing ive ever had to do, but to my surprise he didnt deny and the first thing he said was " its a boy"… So just contact him first and go from there.
Leave it be. My daughters father was in and out of her life. My daughter and him reconnected after she was 20 and she lived with him 2x. Last time 3 years ago was last straw as he was more into his toys and chasing women to be a supportive parent. She has no use for him and as a young adult now 25 full able to tell him to pound dirt. Your daughter is young and has alot of maturing to do and to bring back her father not knowing truly if he is stable not a good idea. Child support and dealing with the family court not worth it.
If she wants to know him then yes try to reach out to him. I wouldn’t tell her until you’ve spoken to him and see what the situation is. Even if he says yes or no I’m not sure why child maintence is even a thought on your mind.
- You chose to raise the baby alone knowing he didn’t want it.
- If he doesn’t want anything to do with her, do it alone and explain to your daughter when she’s old enough to know, how much of a twat he is and neither of you need him or his money.
This sounds like my situation a little. I have two kids, a boy and a girl. Diff dad’s, obvious diff skin tones. I haven’t spoken to my son’s bio dad since I was 8 weeks pregnant with my son and he’s now 7. My daughters dad has been in his life since he was 2. I can’t put my son’s dad on cs cause he’s on SSI so I’ve been taking care of my autistic son by myself for his whole life. I don’t really have a reason to this post but just wanted to share my similarities and pretty much just say, sometimes a father not being involved can be a blessing. Esp if the child could be at risk when with such father.
I wouldn’t include him in the picture! Just give your daughter the truth in simple loving way she’ll understand! God bless you
My 3 daughters father is still in their lives. But frankly it causes so much more pain to them than if he wasn’t. He let’s them down, lies to them, rarely answers their phone calls and only ever sees them when it suits him. He may see one for their birthday then he forget the other 2. The next year it can, and often is, totally different. He literally does not remember their ages let alone their dates of birth. Sounds crazy but its true. He disappears for months at a time and just when they finally get their head round him being completely gone, he reappears, and the whole process starts again. I’m left with children who grieve over and over and over again because of the things he does (and doesn’t do). They feel worthless to him and constantly try and seek his attention to validate themselves. I’m always fielding questions like “why is he like this?” “Why doesn’t he love me?” “Why does he always lie?”
Its heartbreaking and thousands of times I’ve asked myself the question of whether I should just cut him out entirely. I’m never sure of the right thing to do.
I’m only telling you this story to show you that sometimes an absent father is the lesser of two hurts. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
You’re both better off without them.
I would contact him but not tell your daughter, there is so much to take into consideration…he did make it clear he didn’t want either of you , what if he says ok then let’s her down she’ll be heartbroken, if he does agree you need to take it slowly…as far as child support you’ve managed 10 years without it ? Doesn’t she have an uncle or grandad ? She doesn’t need a man in her life and neither do you , learn to love yourself more focus on you and your kids ,
DO NOT CONTACT HIM! If he were a decent person, he would have contacted her YEARS AGO! In the future, if she chooses to contact him, be supportive.
Dont fix wats not broken ! I would wait til she is more mature to understand and deal with the situation then and just let her know it’s not her fault cause 10 years alot those f different things happen and for child support if u really need it go for it but if u would not miss it then don’t bother with it
You can offer him a chance to know her. (Yes, get child support, if you don’t need it to get by,save it for an unexpected vehicle repair or something.) She seems to be curious, but I wouldn’t tell her that you are reaching out to him just in case he doesn’t want contact. She needs to know, if he doesn’t want to know her, that it’s his loss. She is an amazing person who anyone is lucky to get the privilege of knowing. I went through this with my oldest two. They now are teenagers who call my husband “dad”. Bio dad sent my teen daughter a fb message, and stole her profile picture and posted it his own profile. She was 14, she came to me, upset, and I had to threaten him with the law. She wants no contact now, he could’ve chosen to be in their lives years ago, but by the time they are teenagers, it’s too late.
Every situation is different. My daughters father (who I was married to) spent most of her young life in prison (we left when she was 4, he was released when she was 20). I was very close to his sister and mom and the door to stay in her life was always open. She even visited him in prison a few times when she was a little bit older. I never told her anything but the truth, never disparaged him. I always wanted them both to have a chance at a good relationship if possible. So when he was released, she was grown and was very hopeful he would re enter her life and they would make up for lost time. He had found Jesus and even remarried while he was incarcerated and everyone deserves a second chance, right? Well…long story short, he basically rejected her again (the first time he chose drugs over his family, the second time he chose his new family over her). And she was hurt all over again. I thought I was doing the right thing but now I wish I would have shut that door and never allowed him to hurt her again. It would have been better to deal w the rejection from the beginning than to go thru it all over again. I received an order for child support, only because the court required when I divorced him. I never wanted it to begin with. I never wanted to become dependent on support from anyone else. Especially someone who couldn’t be consistent anyway. That’s dangerous territory to me. Get to know him now. Since you are seeking him out, I would be very careful. Is he remarried? If so, how would his wife receive your daughter? Would she support a relationship as well? So many variables. I understand y’all were young but he’s always known she was there. He could have looked her up just like u looked him up. Good luck sister.
I would explain to her the her dad walked out on both of you and said he wants nothing to do with either of you. Let her know that he’s nothing but a dead beat dad. I wouldn’t even try to get hold of him. Because he will not be around for her and she will just be hurt again when and if he says he coming to see her and just doesn’t show up. Just tell her the truth about him
Let it go. Be honest about why her dad isn’t in her life, because you were so young.
I’d stay far away from him. It would be sooo much worse if you contacted him, he came by to see your child once and then didn’t come again. That will leave your child feeling like there was something wrong with them. Your kids will be fine. You are the constant for them.
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Let laying dogs lie! Take him for child support, she deserves that…but sounds like he’s better off where he is.
Nothing i didnt do nothing they are still looking for him for child support but honestly doesn’t even matter shes 7 and has her brothers dad period. Dont force nothing. His loss. And honestly go for child support move on and focus on you two. When she’s older and asks let her hqve answers.
Nothing good comes out of trying to get someone who wasn’t around to come around.
Explain that sometimes it’s how life is but mummy loves her so much and that’s all she needs. Sometimes daddy’s can’t be around for many reasons and that’s why she hasn’t got one around but you will be there for her. Unfortunately it can do more harm than good trying anything with him now as he could hurt her more in the long run and there will be resentment that he was there for her half siblings but not her
This is a situation I’d just let it go. Just tell her the truth. You can’t force people to be parents. Even if you get child support that doesn’t answer her questions.
That money is for the little girl
I honestly couldn’t say. I have my fear now of a similar situation in the future. I know on one hand I don’t want to put my feelings about the dad on to my kids but at the same time I don’t want to be “begging” him to give the time. Maybe just be honest about the situation, with what happened and if she gets older and wishes to find him then be supportive too?
I’d probably reach out to dad and tell him the situation. Tell him she deserves to know her siblings and her father and you’re not after child support. See where that leads and go from there. Honestly if he made me mad I’d probably go after child support from there and put it in an account for her later if you don’t need it right now. I imagine it would be devastating to hear he doesn’t want anything to do with her so I’d never say that.
While he may know he has a kid out there and hasn’t reached out, part of that could be that he is ashamed of what he did 10 years ago. I’m not saying this makes it right but the worst thing that could come from reaching out is him shutting it down. Keep it just adults for awhile. Don’t tell your daughter you are reaching out. But I would definitely start off short sweet and to the point if it were me. Like hey I know it’s been awhile and I know you said you wanted nothing to do with me or our child, but she is struggling right now with the lack of a father figure so I wanted to reach out and see if now that 10 years have past, if you have any interest in getting to know her and having a relationship with her.
First concern has to be for your Daughter
He could be a good man now and could be a great father to her. Maybe tell him that she has been asking about him. And it breaks your heart and would love for him to be in her life. Make sure you make a point to say hers. Don’t make it about money or yourself. Good luck momma
I didn’t have my father in my life . And still don’t. Sometimes you can do more harm than good bringing them in. I know this with my mother. She was not in my life . But she popped back in. I had ask after that what was wrong with me for her not to love me. Cause she came back in didn’t treat me right and then left. I thought I was not lovable. And something was wrong with me. So please be careful.
I’d say definitely get child support because guess what it’s for the child. If all she knows is that he’s a check that’s fine but eventually she herself will realize that she never needed him anyway
Super tough situation. I would explain to her that you and her daddy were young and he didn’t know what to do so he moved on but you wanted her so very badly that you had to have her. Finish with a little white lie for now that you will try but you aren’t sure how or if you can reach him.
He knows she exists, he would’ve reached out to you if he wanted a relationship. Last thing you want is for her to know she’s being rejected by him again.
It would be nice to reach out and just scope it out. Don’t bring it up to your daughter until you’ve really checked him out and made sure he wasn’t toxic. You guys were teens when she was born, and teens make bad choices sometimes so it’s possible he’s changed. But it’s also possible he hasn’t.
I would tell your daughter that her"real dad"walked out on you and her before she was born, I would tell her that he didn’t want anything to do with her, and you don’t know where he is,my daughter was in the same situation and my granddaughter has stopped asking her mum about her"dad"because she told her that her dad didn’t want to know her
My opinion is if she’s old enough to ask shes old enough to know, maybe give her a sugar coated version if she super young.
Going after him for child support now after so many years seems counter productive yes he was not there for you or her but it seems more like a way to ruin his life now after so long and will not be an easy process. I think you and your daughter should see a therapist so that both of you can work on getting past what he’s done, because after so many years holding onto this really isn’t healthy.
Raise her and your son on your own!! Neither men want to be apart of their lives so move on with yours. Be honest with your kids when they are old enough. You do the best for you momma
She always had the right to know about his dad… let her see who his dad is and wait for her to tell u that u are right about everything u did for her sake.
Thats tough momma. I would just leave that door closed if i was you… if you opened it there will likely be much more heart ache .
Get therapy for you and your kids. You need to break that cycle before your children take on the behavior of the parents(you and their dads).
He knows he has a daughter…if he hasn’t reached out to you I honestly wouldn’t bother.
I told my son the truth and said when he was 18 he could contact his dad. He’s now 22 and never did he calls my partner of 9 years dad and tells people he’s his dad. It hurts but they realize it is for the best. His dad never helped saw him twice and told people our son wasn’t his to hurt me. Your child doesn’t need him if he doesn’t want to be in her life