My daughters father has randomly come into her life and wants more time: Thoughts?

I’m so lost and so confused i just don’t know what to do. I have a five-year-old daughter, and her father left her life when she was two. He just recently resurfaced and has a new wife. We agreed on visitations every other weekend, and then he started wanting her every weekend, and then he kept her for an entire week; now he wants her four days a week. The problem is he isn’t even home when she is there. She stays home with his wife, who we just met 2 months ago, and she has been spending more time with her father’s wife then she has with me and I’m so hurt over this situation it feels like he is trying to keep my child there longer for huswife to raise and I don’t know what to do how would you handle a situation like this

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Ummmm. No…say no. Stand your ground. Get a parenting plan in place asap

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Sounds like you need a court custody order.

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Go to court and get a set visitation schedule that way he can’t just keep her from you

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Is he working? If so think about this, if you were still together and he was at work he’d only see her after work so why not have the same opportunity at his house. I would, like others say, put an agreement in writing if you are fearful of him just taking her however, I wouldn’t deny normal dad time just because he is working

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If you have no court order then no, dont let her go till you do. Possession is 9/10ths of the law often. Google Custody Rights and terms for your area. And with mo custody order irder in place make sure that the school or daycare have it in weiting that your child resides with you and that no one may pick up or remove her from school but you.

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Sounds like he’s establishing a story to fit his narrative so he can go to court and say he has her over 50% of the time so he doesn’t have to pay child support.

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Hell no! I wouldn’t have let him pick and choose when he wanted to be a dad in the first place if it was me, but he needs to be around when she’s over there! You shouldn’t be co parenting with some woman u just met!

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Ask them to sit down and talk them. As long as everyone involved cares about your daughter, three adults should be able to do that.
Be honest. And kind.
I feel like as her mother you have every right to feel all types of ways.
But it should be manageable.

Ask for back childsupport, and court ordered visitation.

stand your ground. get a court custody order.

If he has been consistently back out should be 50/50. Period

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Time will tell. Absolutely no rush into allowing things to happen so quickly, protect your daughter. Let his actions speak louder then his words. He has a lot to prove. My gut says NO.

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File in court and only supervised visits with you until then

Go to court and set visitation in place.

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You need to stop this now before he ends up fighting you for permanent custody. These ‘visits’ need to be set up through the courts he’s playing you. You could end up losing her for good. Don’t play this game with him.

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Court is the best way to go

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Stop letting him have her for so long then. Hello if there’s no court order why are you allowing something that you don’t actually want to happen…

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Stick with the every other weekend as agreed upon. Just my opinion.

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I would say no if you don’t have a court order and only allow her there when he is home

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He is trying to establish a pattern so he can ask for more time when he takes tpue to court.

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Every other wk end and maybe 2 nights mid wk when he hasn’t got her at the wk end…
Ur baby girl needs consistency and routine… and so do u… make an arrangement stick to ur guns. And don’t let him tread all over u and bully u to get what he wants.
His relationship with that women is still very new. And I think u need to meet this women and get to know her too. Good luck

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If I was the mom I’d do the every other weekend deal or weekends.

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Uh. He was gone for years. So she only has to go when you allow her to. Stick to every other weekend. If you make it a habit for him to have her so often he’ll be able to use that in court to his advantage.

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Dont do it anymore, every third weekend is fine, he was not their for her for years and now daddy of the year NO WAY, court but do it now

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Tell him no. Say every other weekend and one day a week.

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Court. Period. Get visitation in writing that way if he keeps her for longer than he’s suppose to, you have the law/that court order to back you up.

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Stick to weekends or whenever he has days off. Get it stated in a legal court daccument so you are safe legally. Make sure it it says you have primary physical legal educational Medical custody and he gets visitations on weekends or whenever he has days off. Why? Because he was out of her life and who’s to say he won’t walk out again or try to take her from you. this way if you go to court you have a legal document backing you that he has to abide by.

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You need to stop this now!!

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Go to court and get a set visitation agreement.

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I would go through court and sort an arrangement that suites you both… speak to a lawyer and voice your feelings and concerns … because your daughter isnt too familiar with him having not seen him in a few years i would be first of all starting with maybe her going over every second weekend (if shes comfortable with that) or days that he is off and building up from there. Have you told him your concerns? Maybe have a chat with him and his wife and get some ground rules in place that you can all agree on.

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If there is no court order and his name is on the birth certificate he could take her for a visit and not return her. You both have 50/50 rights if there is no custody agreement. You should contact a family law attorney or go file for physical custody. Once courts are involved the daddy may end up with more time than you would like, but sounds like he plans to stick around now that he is married. Best of luck to you.

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If you don’t have a court order for visitation, get one. And I’d do every other weekend with alternating holidays.

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If there is no court order you are the primary care taker of that child every other weekend or not at all until you guys have court you could also say he isn’t using his parenting time and just leaving your daughter with the wife who you barely know if he also keeps her longer then y’alls original agreement call the cops

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I’d go to court ask for 50 50 schedule.

court for real get supervised visits

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Go to court and get mandated visitation. Then if he breaks the rules, he suffers the consequences.

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Take him to court now. The fact that he was gone so long will not bear well in his favor, and that way if he tries to refuse to return her, you can call the authorities for kidnapping.

Court. Let them decide. Let him pay you child support. And etc. Him keeping her for a week would have been the day I went to court

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Tell him to take you to court for a visitation schedule. No time until he files with the court. Make sure you put in your custody agreement that you have the first right of refusal. It means if he’s unable or unwilling to care for her he has to contact you before involving a 3rd party. His wife is a 3rd party. If he violates this take him to court.

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My ex is wishy washy for 6 years now.
All for his new GF did he want visitation.
I made him jump hoops to get that.
He didn’t show half the time and I have a super by the balls grip on our visitation paperwork.
After all that- 3 years later he has only been around 6 months.

Get the order.

No way! A woman you don’t even know has your child, and he hasn’t bothered in years…he would have gotten like everything other Saturday during the day to start, does the poor child even know who he really is?

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If he just started coming around and is pulling this, then he’s defiantly up to something. It’s sad to say but that’s what it sounds like. I would have a conversation with him on why he’s not around when he takes her and you feel more comfortable with him there instead of leaving her with a women y’all just met 2 months ago.

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I wouldn’t let her go unless he is there.

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I would stick to every other weekend till you are more comfortable with the situation

I would do what’s best for the child but don’t make since him trying to get that much time and he ain’t even home I would talk to your daughter and see how she feels and where she’s at and if she’s enjoying her time over there and if she like having lots of time over there because in end it’s not about you or him it’s about her the child but yes that much time is crazy to me to maybe he’s just trying to make up for time he lossed who knows but y’all can always come to a agreement like maybe every other weekend and one day a week

U shoulda said no from the first day. Let him take u to court for visitation and ask for supervised. Thats like sending a child off with a total stranger even if it is her dad he has been gone for 3 years. Same with new wife she is even more of a stranger and alone with the child. Uh no way not til she knows them well and u are sure she is 100% safe

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Get a court ordered custody agreement… and be careful, because if she starts spending more time there then with you, that may possibly be used against you… where I am from it can be.

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see about getting supervised visits with him even if its you like it or not. or someone else especially sense father wasnt in life and hes not there when she is there… been there done that thats why i say what i say then my daughters father walked away because he wasnt getting what he wanted didnt like it .sad part is he didnt like it he walked away when she was between 3&5 and she is now 25 .keep like a diary when there how long everything she does over there weather they feed her or not. like time pick and drop off as on time or not.i did.

File with the court and dont let her go until then🤷🏻‍♀️ he could keep her and not give her back

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Court don’t agree to anything unless it’s on paper

You need to get a court ordered custody agreement before he decides not to give her back. Not sure why you would have agreed to 4 days in the first place.

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The more people a child has in their life who loves them the better. You should be happy her dad wants to be in her life. That being said I wouldn’t give them more time than you have. Find a solution that’s best for your daughter but doesn’t take away your time with her.

Quit crying. Be grateful you have help.

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Get court ordered visits immediately and don’t give in or change the plan. Every other weekend. Is he paying child support? Maybe he’s trying to lower the amount. There is a motive as you don’t just wake up one day and decide you want your kid. I hope that’s the case but chances are it’s not. I’d stick to every other weekend since he skipped out.

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Why would you give him your child longer and longer periods of time only to be there with his wife and not him? Sounds weird.

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Duh…go to court and get a set up court arranged visitation.

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I would be all for her seeing her dad but 4 days a week…absolutely not. Does he pay child support? Some men would rather have their child 50/50 than pay support. If u let him have her 4 days a week, u may be the one paying child support.

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Why would u give her to him 4 days a week?? Somethings off here…

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And not pay as much child support if he has her 50% of the time he won’t have to pay child support

The guy hasn’t been around in 3 years. She doesn’t even know him. You’re semding her off woth a stranger for a week?!:woman_facepalming: Say no and agree to 1 night a week or 2 nights a fortnight. Build up to the 50/50. Maybe every 6 months add a night. But, as long as HE is there. Otherwise I wouldnt be handing my kid over

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WTF would you be confused? It’s a no brainer. You have defacto custody. Get a parenting agreement in writing. He has to earn time and trust. Go to court and protect your child.

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He has no rights at the moment. He abandoned her three years ago. Now that he has married he wants time. It’s probably his new wife’s idea anyway and not his. Get it straight right now through the court before they try to prove you unfit and get full custody. The court needs to know he hasn’t been in her life for three years and not one dime child support and then shows up out of the blue. He is probably trying to figure out how not to pay child support by how many days he wanting and this won’t work when she starts kindergarten school anyway. Stay strong and document everything for court, text messages, email and voicemail etc. For three years he didn’t care if she was hungry or sick etc. He has no right coming back and making demands. There is assistance if you need help. Call a ask a lawyer number and ask questions. Keep your friends and family close to help you if needed. Good luck. I know if he is serious about doing right by her then she should get to know him. The court needs to determine the arrangement as what’s best for the child.

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Kind of mean but… can solve the problem. Go to court for visitation schedule & child support he’ll have to pay back all 5 years that he was absent out of her life and haven’t paid. Let the judge know you want your daughter to have relations with her father however he’s not home 50 to 75%. And it is putting a strain on your mother/ daughter relationship, the only person that has been there and raised her for the last 5 years.
Stay calm, be professional, keep your mouth shut unless he asks and bring lots of documented proof (pictures, text email, criminal history) the judge should side with you.

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That’s called stacking evidence without your knowledge. What he’s doing is establishing a time frame of how much time he gets and how little you are in her life so he can take it to court to get full custody. Be careful with this

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Take it down a notch because you’re establishing an unfavorable status quo. Why is the wife watching her? I would raise hell. Get a lawyer asap.

You should do 50/50. Do one week with you and then one week with him.

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Nah girl, that’s your baby. Speak up for yourself if you feel this way.

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Why are you allowing this

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Say no! Go to mediation and make an agree you both are happy with. I don’t get how staying with his wife is benefiting her. Time with either parent is what she needs.

Is this court ordered, if not do so and establish custody, otherwise you are going to have issues.

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He is trying to get the kid and u pay him child support, whether he actually wants the kid or not…it’s not in the child’s best interest. If it were me after 12 months he’s not seeing his kid, at all

Get a parenting plan set in stone. If u both can agree no need for an attorney.

In our state ¶ no court order means if child would go with other parent they don’t have to give them back. So my advise would be don’t allow the child to go, contact a lawyer and get a custody order in place. I have one with my daughters dad and i don’t like or trust his gf or whatever she is, is not allowed to pick my daughter up and if her dad is working she can’t be there. Our battle started in the beginning of a summer and a holiday rolled around he asked to get her without the court order my lawyer advised me not to and i told him just that. Stand your ground mama don’t be nice, and don’t bend over backwards for him. He was gone for 3 years and that’s not okay.

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Does new lady want to play mommy? Is he doing this for her or himself—especially since he’s dumping the child care on her? If he breaks up with her, would he abandon your child again? Is he trying to avoid child support? I’d be pretty suspish.

Keep her until you gets a court order & any back child support, and definitely have proof of his abandonment to show the court. Maybe only supervised visits if allowed visitation so you can be sure she’s actually seeing him.

Yeah I mean from their side if he starts to see her more the child support will be adjusted … Don’t do it. Hold his butt accountable for the time he skipped out on, and don’t trust that he won’t hurt her again. Keep to the every other weekend schedule, tell him it takes time to earn trust back. Not to mention your poor daughter… She’s only 5 and is told that’s her dad but where was he the last few yrs? She’s probably so confused. Put your daughters feeling first in this situation and do what you need for her. Don’t let him come around and call shots that he doesn’t deserve to call.

I’m sorry what? You just let him have her for an entire weekend after him not seeing her for 3years? She doesn’t know him… there shouldn’t be any overnights for awhile until he shows who he truly is or is even trust worthy. Also it sounds he’s using the daughter for show with the new wife. Be smart with this situation.

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First off, stop all visitation NOW,completely, until you consult an attorney. Right now he can show proof that he has her more than you and can end up going for full legal custody and have you pay child support. Secondly, he took off for three years and has absolutely no right to be telling you, THE MOTHER, when and for how long he gets her. He ABANDONED HIS DAUGHTER! Thirdly, it looks extremely bad that you let him have her just because he walked right back in her life and then you let his new wife, who you don’t know from Adam, watch her! Not trying to judge you and not meaning this to be harsh but it’s what you need to hear. If you go to court this can look very badly for you. It’s not about keeping her from him if he’s serious about seeing her. It’s about being smart and making sure he can’t take her from you or force you to have less time with her and pay him. Like someone else said,in my state with no parenting plan he can take her and not give her back until you go to court and make one.
Good luck

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I’m guessing his new wife can’t have kids

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Why can’t he have 50/50. How would you feel if he said you can only see you child every weekend. And if has married then of cause his wife is going to be there for your daughter.

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Tell him NO. You are her mother, he left, he lost his rights then. He wants to see her then you decide how often snd when and he actually needs to be present. She is his daughter not his new wife’s therefore his responsibility not hers

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Nope. tell him every other weekend and 1 day ( maybe just a visit) a week. Don’t let him bully you in to taking your daughter from you

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I would just tell him when u actually make the time to spend with her then she can go but for u to want to take her and ur not getting to know her ain’t right when u truly want to put her first then we can talk

need to get a custody agreement signed up at court

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Say no set up ground rules YOUR rules!

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Take it to court if you have to

Make sure you have custody and visitation set through the court like other have been saying!!! My cousin and his ex seperated in july, he has had their baby full time with the mom barely ever asking about him at all or wanting to see him, but then one day when she was taking him for visits she decided to keep him. My cousin has been fighting tooth and nail to get into court and get his son back- but nothing was set previous so she isn’t in trouble or forced to give him back. Its been a few weeks now. He didnt even get to have him for Christmas. He is heartbroken and im sure the baby misses his daddy. He is one and half - old enough to realize he isnt with him. Do not let this happen to you. Tell him no more visits unless u have established times through court. And ask courts for what u are comfortable with.

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Oh Hell no! Lawyer up! Get Visitation in writing. And Child Support if you are not already receiving it. Seems to me, he’s going to make a move for full custody. Then you will be the one, getting visitation and paying support!
Watch your back!

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If you create a pattern of this he will win this in custody battle. You had all the power before you chose this. Now if he takes you to court he can say he has daughter 4 days a week, mother is ok with wife watching daughter without father, daughter is in fathers home more than mothers. Him leaving her for 3 yrs no longer is relevant because instead of you arguing abandonment, and daughter reuniting with absent father and stranger of a wife you’ve okayed this. I suggest you start pulling back and get your daughter back in your household more than his asap. If no custody order is in place he can legally keep her and not return her until court.

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My daughter would not leave me to go with a man she hardly knows to stay with a women she doesn’t know and you dont know. I can’t get over how trusting you have been with someone who just left her. This is lunacy.

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Tell him no more visitations until we go to court and get it straighten out …also be sure to bring that up in court about him wanting her there when he isn’t thee…so no he cannot have her more than you do…but you do need a lawyer…and he can pay for that. Prayers…

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Get a lawyer and clarify visitation, and if you are not receiving child support, have the lawyer look in to that as well. Unless there is some reason your putting up with this say and mean NO. His wife is trying to keep your child as hers.

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I would agree to 50/50 but no more. You are actually blessed to have a woman that clearly wants to be apart of your daughters life and wants her husband to be involved. I know he wasn’t there for some years, but he is her father and what counts is now. I do Tuesday, Thursday, and every other weekend with my ex. It works perfect. I hope one day he finds someone to love my kids and wants to spend time with them :two_hearts:

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Get a good attorney. She’s too young to decide for herself. I would not let his new wife spend more time alone with her.

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See a lawyer. Just make it every other weekend and the father needs to be present. And he needs to pay child support and back support.

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Just keep in mind that the more people you have that love your child, the better life will be for them. The situation is about what is best for your child not you.

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Get as much facts/proof as you can, texts from the wife maybe saying he isnt home much, and go to court. He doesnt seem like an individual who will make this easy for you if you go it alone. Blessed be

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Tell him “no.” The people in hell want ice water–doesn’t mean they are going to get it. Be strong. Just because he wants it doesn’t mean you should give in. If you have to–grow a pair!!! I was a paralegal in a family law law firm and our clients dealt with this many times. Stand up for yourself. If you can afford it, get a lawyer to be your champion.

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