If he is not there with her I would keep her home with you. If he is good to her and she enjoys going there I would work it out where he has more time with her when he’s home. Weekends, maybe an overnight during the week. Find a balance that works. For someone that resurfaced after years it sounds like you are giving him way more than he deserves already
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So your allowing him to come get your daughter when ever he wants with no visitation order. Are you nuts. What happens whe. He dosnt bring her back. Sounds like he either wants his new wife to have a child or is angling to keep her so he dosnt have to pay child support. Keep your daughter home and arrange a workable visitation where you are the main caretaker. Or your daughter is going to be living with daddy who abandoned her and your going to be the one asking for visits
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I say no she’s your daughter the two of you sit down and make up visitation rules but when he has or if he’s not there then he shouldn’t be having her visitation time is time to spend with a parent
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Nooo! You don’t even know his wife! Take him to court for more reasonable custody arrangements
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I would consult with a family attorney or go to family court. This doesnt seem right and what about school?
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Take him to court. If you wanna give every weekend (that’s what I do) then get that set through the court, and require it that if he is working those days that he needs to inform you so the child stays with you. I don’t have that set up, and my son goes to his dads for the weekend and stays with the dads wife cause dads at work 85% of his time there
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Is he paying child support?If she’s with him a lot they can decrease his child support.If the wife isn’t hurting her and it’s not hurting her schooling I don’t see a problem with it.
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I cannot imagine how hard that would be. I would set clear boundaries as to when he gets her even if that means through court
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Get an attorney and establish physical custody of your daughter before it goes any further. Establish child support while you’re there.
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Watch you back. My daughters father walked out when she was 2 months old. Pops back up when she was 6. Abducted her and moved state to state until she was 17. By 18 she was pregnant came home had her baby prematurely 2# 12 oz. 6 months later moved back to wear the baby daddy lives and has remained there. We visit each other often and I get my granddaughter every summer. My daughter is now 26. I trust no one now.
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Well you have all the right to decide for your daughter since he left her when she was 2. You are the mother. Period.
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I would get custody papers staying every other weekend and only if father is home.
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His kid also , the parents are in charge of offspring, fairness on both sides.
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Get a lawyer , have any visitation done by court order, request child support also,get a lawyer that specializes in family law, do not wait!!!.
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You are the mother, you dictate what goes. Especially if he hadn’t been around.
Say it and mean it.
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You need to have visitation documented and arranged in court. It’s a dangerous game to play. He could in theory just not return her if there’s no substantiated order to follow.
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Stop allowing him to take her. does he have a court order? he will use this against you to get custody. In fact if there is no court order tell him every other week end and no more . If there is one you need to follow it
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It’s your choice. Tell him no. He can have her every other weekend and one day a week.
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Two questions do you trust him around your daughter and how is your heart about this I’m sure I’m going to get some feedback on what I say but being 60 years old now is there’s a lot of angry women that lost custody and had to go through this. Absolutely make sure that through the court that you the time is set when to pick up and when to drop off. You can work it out between him and you. Whatever you do do not get anger involved in it because it will hurt your child. I worked for a child support enforcement services for years in Florida and helped women dealing with DC court for children don’t put your child at risk or your heart you are the mom. I can help if you want. Plz don’t get overwhelmed with all the feed back. God bless you. Don’t jump.Your mom:pray:
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I agree. Take him to court. Visitation like 3 weekends a month. He pays child support. He is arranging visitation so its even or more on him so he wont have to pay child support an using his wife as a babbysitter. Get it court order before HE takes YOU to court asking for some unreasonable visitation etc.
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Talk to a lawyer, its not right. He’s not there so he shouldn’t have her when he’s not home with her!!!
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Get a lawyer and work out every other weekend. He wasn’t and still isn’t in your daughter’s life. The wife wants her there. Go for support too. She is spending too much time there. Don’t cave in every time he asks for her, if he isn’t even there when she is.
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Get a court order custody put in place instead of just verbal agreement between you guys. Legally if there’s no court order custody he can keep her until a judge orders him to hand her back over n cops won’t do anything cause they consider it a civil matter.
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You are being real reckless with your daughter. You don’t even know these people.,and you should be suspicious of his sudden interest.
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If he is trying to get his life turned back around and be in her life and his new wife is willing to be there for her as well that gives your daughter more love in her life that is a good thing but I would go through the courts just so everyone is protected
Go to court and get a strict visitation order in place! Oh yeah don’t forget your child support for past and present
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I dont understand why you allowed this to get to four days a week with her dad. Yes he deserves to form a relationship with her but it has to be on your terms. He has her the greater part of the week you need to fix this fast get an attorney or legal aid and make an official schedule made with visitation that is in your favor. Good luck and take care of your daughter.
Get an attorney to determine legal visitation rights.
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No way if he is not there while she there take him back to court get his rights changed and let them know that he was out of her life for a long time all he trying to do is to get out of paying child support and claim her o his income tax let him have her every other week end and share the holidays you on Christmas day and him on Christmas Eve
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You don’t have to let him and don’t let him because if he does he will get 50 50 custody and then you loose chs support
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That seems excessive if she’s just getting used to them. It is important for them to have a relationship but they definitely shouldn’t have her more than you in my opinion. Maybe start with one night one week then the full weekend the next… Just a thought. But definitely file in court take advantage of meditation and get a court order.
Get a lawyer ask for BACK child support too. If he isn’t spending time with the court will look into it. Stop what you’re letting him get away with.
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DO NOT Let her go!! You need to let him know that he left her. And you have soul custody. Make sure you have a lawyer and set up child support from him and set visitations. Also this new wife is probably the one wanting to keep her …not him. Put your foot down now before things get out of hand. She is only 5 years old and she needs her mother. Not somebody that may be gone from her life again. I think once he has to pay child support and for her medical needs your problems will disappear. Dont agree to shared custody. He walked off not you.
call the lawyer and get him out of the picture. Sounds like he is trying somthing bad like kidnapping.
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Stop, because here in Ohio if you weren’t married when you had her. The law says you have sole custody. Make sure your court order in play, because he can say he has her more than her, and be able to claim her on his taxes, don’t let him. make sure you have a lawyer and court order in hand and check with police department he can say that you abandon her. Don’t let, sounds like a bully to me.
lawyer time. don’t agree to anything with him without a lawyer. his visitation she be HIS time with her. not just time for him to keep her away from you.
You need to get a lawyer & get set visitation for the father of your child. He just suddenly appears in her life & thinks he can take over. Don’t be a pushover! Make sure you have soul custody!
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Nope. Just went through this. My daughters bio dad reached out after 4 years of no contact. Me and my fiance moved our wedding up to 2 months away and hired an adoption attorney. Her life and well being is not a game. I gave that man every opportunity to be in her life from the day she was born and he chose to be an addict and an abuser. He doesnt get to come and go as he pleases. Nope nope nope.
Dont do it i went threw the same thing when my son was a baby my ex didnt come back into his life until.he was 3 an came home with 2 bruises he was with another woman at that time then left an didn’t come back into his life again til he was 5 an wanted him 4 the wkend i told hum no cuz my.son did not know him so he left an never seen him again he’s now 36
He would of had to take me to court for visitation, he walked out of her life,she didn’t even know him!
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Don’t put up with it, don’t let her go there when the dad isn’t there. You don’t know what his wife is really like if you only met her 2 months ago, sounds like she is trying to take over your child. Go see a lawyer.
Do you have a custody order from family court? If not and you and him were never married, then you are her sole custodian. At least that’s how I understand it.
I agree with Kathleen lawyer up get everything in writing …every other weekend and off holidays and special events considered but font let him run over you. My ex did that to me just handed kids over for wife to raise… good l6ck and stand your ground.
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I hated going through this. But we have to realize kids do not understand it and barely remember. We have seen it and are filled with anger. We have to put it aside. They can make coices and as long as it’s safe for her to spend time with him, we need to let them. They are a lot healthier mentally when there is a good bond. As moms we have to put our anger and frustration to the side and let her for her own separate relationship with dad.
Be very AWARE it sounds like he is trying for total custody you should stick to your guns and every other weekend should be sufficient considering the child’s age at this time if you allow him to take her any more then that he could possibly use it against you in a custody battle
Every other weekend is enough since he is just coming back into the picture and it needs to be when he will be home that weekend.
Get a laywer, let him pay child support and the visitation should be what you want not him, especially because he never was there for her
He would be walking on very thin ice right now she doesn’t even really know him, they need time to get to know each other again, how can you let her go over there, your daughter shouldn’t even be there if her father isn’t home? I’m sorry I’m freaking out!!
Stop this nonsense now!!! get it on paper you have full custody get a lawyer go from there, he will cause you nothing but trouble and take your child, he don’ want her!!!
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If this man has changed and stepped up he has just as much right to her as you do! Ofcourse talk to him about the scheduling and express your concerns about him being out of the home but don’t sabotage her relationship with her father and her stepmother.
Try and come up with a mutual agreed visitation, then get it court approved, along with child support. If you can’t come to an agreement go to court & have a judge order visitation. Get a lawyer as soon as possible, if at all possible.
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Just tell him he can have her every other weekend. Don’t start a bunch of crap that isn’t there. If says he wants her more then tell her he can have her two weeks in the summer. Then once all y’all get more comfortable with the situation then you can add more time if you want
I do recommend talking to an attorney about visitation and custody especially if he didn’t contact you before just showing up. If he truly wants a relationship he will agree to work with you to protect all involved.
Every weekend is fine. No longer then that he can have her just when the court says. No more before you know it he keep her all the time. . He started doing it all ready slowly. Put your foot down and tell him that it. You can have her every weekend if you want but no more then that.
Oh NO, now yes I think he needs to see her and have a relationship with her but not waltzing back in and saying I want her here, here and here. NO but hell NO. Yes you get you a lawyer and you and the lawyer figure this out. I know how the coming and getting the kids then they spend the whole weekend with stepmom. He needs to choose a time he’s gonna be home. Done been through this twice but as Mrs Fisher said you need to get a lawyer the sooner the better
First, does he have court ordered visitation? If not, he has no rights as far as his daughter is concerned. I would stop the visits, get a lawyer and YOU decide how often the visits will be. If he’s been absent from his daughter for 3 years, that should come into play about visitation now.
And make sure you tell the judge that he disappeared for three years so that he can pay you back child support! I would be too afraid that he would try to keep her!
Get legal advice and take him to court for visitation on your terms. If he’s currently paying child support he’s may be trying to avoid paying by increasing custody arrangements. Please remember that your child’s welfare is your primary concern. Talk to her, she’s old enough to have an opinion. Good luck and God Bless.
Hell to the no!!! If he’s not going to be there for visitation then shut it down now. You don’t know what kind of brain washing is going on. No cover your ass before you lose your child because he’ll claim that he has a more stable home and that your child loves the step monster sooo much. Don’t be the nice one be the mom.
Whatever you do you need to get a hold of your attorney and tell him what’s going on because it looks like he’s going to try to get full custody and if that’s the case you need to stop it now I’ve been there done that and please watch your back just put your foot down and say no you only get her one day a week because if he’s not paying child support I would even give him not one day a week make sure he pays child support but I would take him back to court and just does know he was out of her life for how many years the judge is going to look at that even if he is remarried There’s Something Fishy going on here please just be careful God bless you my prayers are with you
No go back to every other weekend,get a lawyer she is to young to be away from you that much
NO NO NO NO NO NO, Go back to how you want it. You make the decisions. Time to talk with someone to help write up the visitation schedule. If he don’t agree let him take it to court. Let him pay for it all.
Have a lawyer show that he wasn’t in her life and probably didn’t send child support. Fight for your rights. Tell the father you’ll make more demands on his visitation visits and his wife is her mother nor shall raise the child as hers. Possibly wants child support from you so watch out. U did fine raising your child don’t give her up you’ll get nothing out of this meaning they will say you don’t want your child. Don’t be too nice go to court hv it in writing.
She is supposed to b with her father not the wife
If you don’t have a lawyer don’t give him custody at all plain and simple because guess what he can then keep her and not give her back to you and the cops will say you don’t have a lawyer or the courts involved so until you do we can’t do anything. Possession is 9/10 of the law when it comes to child custody. If there is no court order in play he can keep her until you go to court
You need a judge to set official visitation rights. If you cannot afford one, seek help thru social services. The longer you allow this to go on, the less likely you will change anything. So do it now!.
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Get a Lawyer and get visitation clearly defined by The Family Court, also get child support legally enforced. Do it now, don’t put it off
Make sure you read and reread Kathleen Candelors"s answer and do what she says.YOU ARE HER MOTHER, PULL UP YOUR BOOT STRAPS AND GET MOVING. DO NOT BE AFRAID.
No. If he’s not going to be there. Neither should your daughter. Go to court make everything legal. And stick to the agreed upon arrangements.
Get a lawyer w/o anything court ordered you don’t have a leg to stand on. He’s setting precedent and can use the argument well she’s with me this much time now why change it
New wife is the driving force probably for the money she can bring them. Guaranty if it wasn’t for the new wife he wouldn’t be around. 
Get your ass to court with a good lawyer. You’re way nicer than me bc I would have told him to kick rocks. Every other weekend after not seeing her for 3 years? No way.
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Don’t do it! If you allow it to happen can beabeled as abandonment. You need a lawyer and if needed to get CPS involved for supervised visitation.
Why are you allowing this?. Put your big girl pants on and fight for your rights.
Get an attorney and demand that he has to be there when you drop her off. Courts can even order him to meet somewhere to drop her off. Every weekend is to much.
Stick to the visitation.
He is setting a pattern to take her. Scheduled visitation only.
Nope. If he isn’t home, she shouldn’t be there.
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Only give him the days he’s supposed to have . No more
If he was out of her life for 3 years why would you let her go with him?
I would set up a parenting plan and leave it at that period.
You need a legal paper delineating the boundaries and time. Otherwise, you, your daughter, your ex, and his new wife could all get hurt. I wouldn’t allow her to stay extended periods if your ex is not there at least half of the time with her. Also, if y’all discuss it and get legal papers drawn up with terms and boundaries and you all agree, maybe you could do joint legal custody. And, I’d make sure he paid his share of health care and extras like clothes and shoes and food and summer camps and such.
What does the court say? Pretty simple. He has no right to just come in and demand time with her. See a lawyer.
Right on. Listen to what Sandy is saying. Get an attorney. It will be cheap in the long run. Your daughter is really going to be confused if you don’t get this under control. You want to keep primary custody, period
Get a visitation agreement with an attorney. The gf is nothing to your child. She has no rights. Don’t let him take over your child.
As I understand the hurt. If they are good to her. I don’t see the problem with them being in her life 50% if not more than 50% of the time. Try creating family occasions for everyone involved).
if he isn’t there to spend time with her she should be at home with you
I agree, Don’t trust him, lawyer up & find out your rights. If he wants to see her so badly make sure he has her when the visits take place. If not then, no visit. This woman isn’t her mother or anything to her. You have no idea what she’s like or how she treats your child etc. Its his girlfriend, not yours. Also watch him as well. Trust me I could write a book on all of this, but couldn’t handle the pain I’ve went thru. Just protect yourself & your child. Being Mrs. Nice guy isn’t the answer. Get everything documented!
Alot of other comments are pointing something critical you could bw getting played. Your willing ness to be open about him seeing her is admirable but can quicly be used againts you if you dont take the proper mesures. Once the courts have put in writting your aragement you can go back to being lenient without worry that it will be used againts you
Sole custody and visitation order signed by a judge. Notarized agreements are usually not enforced in must states. Just my two cents
Heck no!! It sounds like he’s gearing up to want full custody.
Are you weak minded or what? Who gave him the right to do this. Apparently, you did.
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Do you have a custody agreement that spells out visitation? You need one
You don’t need a lawyer, petition the court for visitation rights to include how you’ll split holidays and maybe a vacation week in the summer. Make sure you have support set up as well. Remember one thing the courts do not care if she’s with his wife or if she’s with you and a boyfriend unless you can prove either one of them are unfit. The courts can’t make him be there the entire time. You need to be introduced to his wife as well. Good luck
Weigh it all and do what is best for your daughter
Keep your child until visitation AND child support by the courts has been established.
If the thought of him paying child support scares him off… good riddance.
Get a lawyer and set visitation on your terms. Does he and has he before paid child support? If not also get this set up also. If no support no visits.
Hire an attorney and spell out specific visitation rights.
How about back support!
No more visits untill it’s in writing by the courts. He can just keep her if he wanted to. Get a lawyer pronto
Should of filed desertion charges on him long ago than he would have to right to see her. I would not let him see her unless he had a court order and paying child support with those two things he may walk away again