Hey mamas. I’m faced with something difficult right now. My (now ex) husband and I have been separated for a year with no intention of reuniting. We have one child together and my son has known him as his only dad for 5+ years now. The arrangement was that he was taking them both while I worked, but has asked not to see my son anymore at all and only take the daughter we have together. There’s various reasons and I’m not trying to portray him as the bad guy here. My question is, how am I going to explain this to my 6 year old who very much loves this man as a father? It’s going to shatter him. It hurts my heart knowing that later I have to drop off his sister and tell him he can’t go too. I’m at a loss about how to approach this in the most gentle way to avoid as much hurt as possible.
I would make him explain to the child why he does want to be his dad anymore! We don’t know the situation but regardless, none of it is the child’s fault. He needs to man up
Wow like for real what he is doing is equivalent to adopting a child then returning the child to foster care. I say this because the child’s only 6 and he’s been his father for 5+ years and doesn’t want him around now??? This will cause the child trauma in his mind and rightfully so that is his father even if he knows they don’t have the same blood he’s gonna still feel like that’s his father since he has been basically his entire life. Idk this is just sad and heartbreaking and so not okay . Nothing you do his gonna make this hurt less for your son but try taking him to do something fun to help keep his mind off it but, eventually he’s gonna have to process this hurt because it is gonna hurt him no matter what he is still losing his father (worse by the father choice)!
As a dad, kids come first. A 6yr old won’t understand, pathetic excuse for a father.
Your husband should not do that, he should as a dad do better than that. He’s not a good guy he should put that baby before himself
Maybe he’s afraid of getting it attached to your son and eventually losing him? Even so he needs to explain to your son why all of a sudden things changed poor little guy
Oh boy if it were me i would tell him if he doesn’t see both he doesn’t see either of. Let him take you to court I’m sure the judge will throw some common sense at him.
Wow I want to say so much, but honestly it comes down to how he feels and the whole situation. Unfortunately I see in my profession the sides of both. Yet nobody wants to take on what they’ve put the kids through
Get his real dad if possible. It happens all the time and it’s very painful to children. I wldnt take the son to drop daughter off. Get son his own person. This’ll leave a scar. Where’s his dad?
Poor baby. I wouldn’t want him to take him after that because I would be afraid for him. I wish I could give you some answers. People are evil. How do you do that to a baby you have raised for almost 6 years? Good riddance
You just have to be honest to your little boy.
Without you explaining the “various reasons” that you seem ok with you are 100% painting him as a bad guy
Why didn’t he adopt him in those 5+ years?
Is the child’s bio father or father’s side of the family in the picture?
Does the child know that’s not his real father?
Get your baby in counseling to help him process and deal with this.
You explain it honestly, he’s going to be shattered. You help pick up the pieces and make his life better again.
Stop worrying so much about hurt and start helping kids learn to heal when they are hurt. This lesson will help in many life situations.
I feel like he’s only doing this to hurt you bc he knows for a fact it’ll make you upset. It’s sickening but honestly I’d tell your son the truth it’s not fair but life isn’t either and one day he’ll understand that it had nothing to do with him. It’s unfortunate that he can’t just man up.
No way would I tell that baby the truth. That is something he will have to live with the rest of his life. Thinking he was not loved and not good enough for someone he considered his dad. I would just explain that things changed for now and it will be this way . Hopefully your ex will change his mind.
I was in the situation, and it hurt both me and my son, but I told him the truth. I took him out on the days my other boys’ father had them, and turned it into a bonding experience for us. I told him it doesn’t mean he isn’t loved and that one day he’ll have someone to do those things with on his own besides me.
Ladies stop letting your kids call men dad that aren’t their father.
Go to court and establish a child care provider for your children. File a petition for modification to your parenting plan if you are divorced. If not divorced yet and there is no need to access the courts, then establish a child care provider for both of your children.
On your affidavit, you will cite that your previous arrangement will cause harm to a minor child in the form of psychological abuse. This was a family dynamic that you can articulate, and you can explain the nature of the child’s relationship with the man. These things are easily discussed in a courtroom. Your daughter will likely be distressed as well with her father’s decision to disregard her sibling in such a manner.
That being said, you will need to establish parenting placement times. On his days you cannot control if he is using the established childcare.
I believe this will help your son understand the separation and how it now relates to him.
I think we found the definition of a bad man🥴
Awww girl nothing you can do. I went thru the same thing. But honestly tell the child don’t lie. What I did was take that time and do special things with my child. It’s unfortunate when we have divided family. And he’s an ass no matter how you try and sugar coat it. It took years but my child still thinks of him as dad and they talk from time to time. When the cards of life get played you find out, they only “love” the child when you’re together. It’s sad shitty and true. My daughter has trust issues with men it deeply affected her. All you can do is love your child and be honest.
If anyone needs to explain anything it’s the man who no longer wants to take him. He’s the one making that decision and it should be a conversation he has with the child.
Don’t try to change his mind. Things can get dangerous when a step parent is stuck with a kid they don’t want around. Also, don’t bring bio dad in, that would just make things worse for your son.
I had to do it 2 years ago. It is not fun. Best of luck. We are still healing some days.
I’d tell your ex that he needs to break the news to his step son. He can be the one to break his heart. Not you.
I wouldn’t want my child with someone who obviously doesn’t want him around. I’d be honest. Tell him he’s not his real father. Then I’d have a long talk about who his real dad is. Maybe if his real dad is alive see if maybe getting his dad back in his life. If that’s safe.
I am so sorry you and your son are going through this I would be honest with him and tell him the truth. It will hurt his feelings and he probably won’t understand it but be there for him. I would not let this man come in and out of his life though. Explain to him (the ex) that once he severs that bond that’s it - there’s no going back.
I would start him in therapy. It’s going to be hard no matter how it goes. You need to be honest with him. As terrible as it is lying as him figuring it out when he gets older will cause more trauma then the truth. I’m sorry mama.
I feel like no matter how you try to portray him as not a bad guy… only a bad guy would completely shatter an innocent 6 year olds heart like this. I’m sorry Mama
I would have a sit down and honestly tell the truth to your son. It will hurt more feeling rejected than knowing he has a mom who loves him and would do anything to protect him❤️
I think you need to be honest. If his biological father is not involved and his stepfather elects not to be involved, then hopefully he has a male grandparent or uncle that will show him how a good man behaves. If not, then you have to be the best “mom-dad” you can be, to show him what unconditional love looks like. Lying to him to protect his feelings at 6, will only make him resent you at 10 or 12.
Unfortunately he isn’t his bio dad so he doesn’t have to do anything. I feel for your son cause all he knows is this man but you need to just be honest with him and explain it to him.
Feel so sad for your son. Now people will understand why he’s your Ex. A man without a soul is someone you don’t need around.
It’s sad… and horrible. But your ex does not want to be tied financially to your child that is not his. Yes, you have to tell the child. He will blame himself… tell him it’s your fault mama. You picked a not so great man… it’s just true. Help him cope… get him THERAPY! So he has a grown man to talk to.
My ex-husband and I have two sons and he was involved in my daughters life since she was 2 he was the only father she ever knew and when we divorced 4 years ago he started off great but as time progressed it went from calling all of them seeing them all to only communicating and acknowledging my youngest son the older two now 17 and 13 see it and it hurts them but He is inconsistent and just not a good person I talk to them about how they feel about it and just try and be honest now that they are older they process the emotions a lot differently, I explain to them how when I was growing up there where certain things I didn’t like about my childhood and now that I’m older I try and do things differently bc I didn’t like those qualities in my own parents and whatever qualities they don’t like they should fix when they get older and start having kids especially my son! It’s not easy and eventually the child is going to be hurt but unfortunately shittt fathers do exists all you can do is try hard to shield them from it when they are younger ,I would have “ special dates” with my other two to distract them when my younger son would go with his dad and over time he eventually just quit coming around bc let’s face it if a “ man” is going to treat a child that way it’s only a matter of time before he removes himself from the picture completely. Just stay positive and shield that baby! It’s not easy but it gets easier to confront with time and as they get older and as you start to process it as well it hurts not just them but you but he also is most likely doing it just for that reason. And that’s okay bc it shows his true colors and how you react shows yours and don’t let him break your character. sorry you have to go thru this it
Is not easy hugs from one mama to another!
Is biological Dad in picture? Did your ex legally adopt him. If so, he is his son, if not have your spineless ex tell his son the reason he doesn’t want him there. What a jerk.
Be honest with your son and when you drop your daughter off go on a date night with your sweet little guy! Let him know that he is still super loved by his momma plus it’ll be nice to have some time alone together.
He doesn’t owe your son anything. He was there being a step dad while yall were togther thats over with…the only one he owes something to is his daughter. Leave it alone you just sound needy. Take care of your own child and stop pending a a guy on a child that’s not his and you just tell your child the truth lol. Common sense
He’s a bad guy period for this. You just don’t do that to a kid.
Always be honest with your children otherwise it will bite you in the butt. Explain that he is so loved but step daddy has some growing up to do !!!
I’m sorry I wouldn’t let either child go.
Maybe instead just do “sissy is going with him for the weekend and you and mommy are going to have some us time doing xyz”. Then have an awesome weekend!
The daughter will suffer too.
You can’t be mad at him. It might seem shitty, but it’s not his kid… It’s really your fault. The kid should know his real father.
Damn !!! This is so sad , and not matter what or how you do it your son is going to be hurt .
I will have a conversation with him and just be honest, tell him that he is not his real dad and that he doesn’t want to be his dad anymore, that is not his fault and be there for him because he will need you .
This is one of the reason I never introduced my daughter to any man when she was little .
Have him see a therapist and be honest with him
Went through the same thing with my oldest. And yes he’s a shitty person to do that to your child. All you can do is try to be there and take him to go do fun things while your other child is gone. Explain that people don’t make the best choices sometimes and it has nothing to do with him or him not being good enough. It’s a hard road but it does get bit easier as time goes on.
How heartbreaking. I don’t know the answer, but it’s definitely somewhere between, he made a commitment to that boy 5 years ago, he needs to honor it, and that man is trash. It’s in there. Somewhere. Good luck.
He doesn’t have to keep a relationship with the child sucks of course but let him go
No he is completely on the wrong you don’t play dad for years and then say no don’t want to be involved anymore only with my biological child. He’s an asshole and should still see both if he has any heart
Is there a new woman in his life ?