My ex husbands girlfriend will not let him talk to me: Advice?

Quit forcing him to see his children file child support on him his loss that he doesn’t see his kids

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Sounds like he is 100% the problem and you are blaming the wrong person. He’s a grown man making his grown man bad choices.

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First, your comment “only separated” does that mean anything? That sounds a bit snotty and like it means something. It doesn’t. Are you still hoping he will come back? Who cares, you guys aren’t together anymore. You have both moved on. Second and most importantly you need to do what’s best for your kids. Put your pride away and stop texting him and calling him. Honestly I have developed a relationship, of sorts, with my husbands ex. We exchange texts and communicate about our daughter, rather than he and her because it got awkward for him and he would rather I do it. Her and I make all arrangements as far as going back and forth and dates etc. Its truly sad that he doesn’t seem to want a real relationship with his kids. Is your divorce in process? You need to be on that and make sure you get custody and child support in writing. If he doesn’t want to see them shame on him. I wouldn’t personally want to be with a man who treated his children that way, regardless of how I felt about his ex so his GF is probably not someone you want your kids around anyway. Yes she has some growing up to do.

Quit contacting him for him to see his kids. If the kids want to call make a call tell them and him it will be at the same time each day and if he doesn’t answer after already being informed then just tell the kids he is busy or something to spare their feelings. Then take each call to court and file for custody and support if you haven’t already. Use his neglect against him.

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Stop contacting him. He’s made his choice. (And it’s not a good one. But there’s not much you can do. Can’t force him.)

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I wouldn’t beg him to be in their lives, his loss. You can’t force it.

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Sounds like She has some jealousy issues, but it is %100 up to HIM to see his kids. She can say he can’t talk to you or his kids all she wants. It’s his fault for listening.

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At the end of the day this is on him. We can sit back and blame the new girlfriend/wife. Whatever, it’s his choice. He is allowing someone to come between himself and his kids. In order to be good parents you need to be able to co parent. That means speaking. Sounds pretty ridiculous to me.

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She probably is giving him shit about you guys talking and has a part in this. But he is also taking part. How sad :frowning: and fucked up! I’m angry for you. That’s so fking sad. :pleading_face:

Cut. Them. Off. Like you, I was forcing the issue of my ex seeing the kids. Finally I got fed up and told him the only way he’d see the kids is if he made the effort. It’s been 5 years…

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Get a custody agreement

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Girl put him on child support and he’ll get visitation. Also he needs to grow a pair and tell that bitch that his kids come first and if she doesn’t like it then she could kick rocks.

This is a sad situation for the kids involved but I think your best bet would be to just stop putting in any effort and let him step up and be a parent or not… he may chose not to and all you can do is tell your kids it’s his choice unfortunately

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It’s most likely not going to get any better considering he is going right along with it. He’s using all these excuses to be less involved when really the choice is his.

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It is HIS choice! He is the problem here not her! Would you let a man come between you and your kids? Tell you not to answer when itmay be them calling? Put him on child support, divorce him, and move on.

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You’re crazy as hell because I would NOT be doing all that. F**k him and HER. But now I’m wondering if this is coming from her or him? Did you hear her say this? I’m only asking because I actually know of a situation where this man had a new girlfriend but every time he wanted to say no to something, he would place the blame or her. Had everyone despising this chick until we found out the truth. Honestly, I would confront her myself and ask her what the hell the problem is. If she admits to everything, than my kids wouldn’t have ANY dealings with him until he got his balls out of her purse. It has to be a hurting feeling for the kids when daddy ignores them.

It’s his choice. Stop putting the blame on his new girl. He’s the father of your children.
First if all file for a divorce. Ask for full custody and child support.

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Stop. Just stop. Cut off all ties!

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Sounds like he’s playing bachelor and you need to go to court so a girlfriend doesn’t let that continue :rage:

I wud no make any effort tell him that and say if he wants to see his kids he needs to call . I wud also totally call out his gfriend and say u picked a guy who has ex wife and kids so get over urself or find a man who has no baggage. (Not that u are baggage ) she sounds like a complete bitch

Well they’re clearly made for each other. Trash and trash.

Get a divorce and a custody agreement. You need to do what’s best for your kids and this just screams red flags for future problems. If he chooses not to see them that’s on him but he still needs to accept responsibility and asking for child support is reasonable.

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Sounds like he doesn’t want to me a father, I heard a song tonight something about you may not have my blood but I’ll always be your dad, find that guy and move on, just always leave the door open for those 2 or 3 nights a year, kids realize a lot, they will know who they can turn to and I’d always want that to be me.

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Trust me it’s better that hes out of the picture.

She seems over controlling and insecure but don’t blame her. Blame him for allowing it ! Take him to court for the kids if he’s behaving as if he doesn’t have any

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they’re in a toxic relationship and hell realize eventually

HE is the one in control of HIS actions
Personally I would stop trying, go no contact and just see if he reaches out
Maybe start documenting everything and get the custody/visitation modified

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Write this jerk off. He obviously isn’t dad material just a sperm donor. File for child support an be done with him.

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I wouldn’t bother putting in the effort. He doesn’t care, you shouldn’t stress yourself out. I’d document the conversation and anytime he contacts you to check in or get the kids.

Also I’d file for divorce. Not sure what’s stopping you there. Does he provide any financial support to you? My thought is maybe he’s avoiding that all together on purpose.

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I understand wanting to separate from him in everyway but if your still married he’s still your husband. Your separated and both dating. Regarding the deadbeat, go finish the divorce and child support papers.

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I would tell both of them exactly how you feel and then I would just keep the kids till he can get his priorities strait. He obviously cares more about the girlfriend than his own kids.

You can dislike her. But he is right in not taking your calls. All communication should be in text. That’s the safest way. And you shouldn’t have to ask him to have the kids. It should be planned out in a parenting plan with the courts.

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divorce him , file for full custody of the kids and just cut all ties with him … he shouldn’t have the right to be a parent whenever he feels like it

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Sounds like you shouldn’t do your part in asking if he want to see his kids.

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Why does this situation happen so often…dudes mad cuz she “bitches” or “nags” so they go find someone new to “bitch” and “nag”… girl get your ducks in a row…play dumb prove the “adultery” in court. Alimony and child support come your way. Give THEM both something to bitch about :laughing:

My ex hubby’s wife is the same. We got on fairly good for ex’s till she come along now we haven’t spoken to each other in 10yrs. I gave up, thank god my kids are all over 17 now and I don’t have to bother trying it’s a joke and it just makes them look both pathetic to me

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First, you need to finalize your divorce. Second, hun honestly it sounds like not only is he done with his marriage but it sounds like hes done being a dad too…

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Personally document everything g and use it in the custody/support cases. I’d also make it so she can’t be around the kids if she’s unwilling for the child/parent relationship to be fostered when she’s around.

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I would start by filing for actual divorce and getting a custody situation going and out his ass on child support or go for his rights and put her in her place seeing has she has 0 say.

Its not her problem she’s nothing to do with any of it you can organise through courts pick ups and maintenance

Sounds like you’re blaming her when he’s clearly just not interested.

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Your ex has no fcken balls hes allowing her to pull the strings and if that was my ex I’d be telling him go get fcked,
you wanna be ruled by a bitch and have her tell you what to do where our kids are concern its not happening
so guess what? see you court :joy:

He is the parent of those children not her if he doesn’t want to be involved you can can’t force him and you can dislike her all you want she is still the woman he choose to be on his life and there is nothing you can do also divorce him you both have moved on its been over a year don’t know what is taking so long

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Wow if his kids aren’t important take him to court for full custody and just move on

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I would not call him to see the kids no matter what. Forget him and her they aren’t worth your time. Take the high road.

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As a girlfriend to a man who has an ex wife with children together I understand the new girlfriend not wanting the ex to call him. We have 50% custody of his children through court so my partner has his children plenty enough, so his ex wife doesn’t have any reason to call him when we have the children, when they want to talk to her they will call, if something goes wrong we will inform her, we don’t need all our time with them taken over by her ringing 24/7, we’d never get any time with them if we hadn’t put our foots down. And then when she has the children she doesn’t call over emergencies or the children wanting him she calls because she wants him to mow her lawn, or put a photo frame up. Then she calls because one has fallen over and instead of checking they are all right she leaves them screaming for mummy in the background and rings him and asks him to come deal with it :woman_shrugging:t2: I don’t call anyone when my children fall over, I pick them up, kiss where it hurts and make it better but no let’s ring their dad who lives over an hour away and ask him to come deal with the small graze on the child’s knee :rofl: there are times when calling is important, but from experience she calls over nothing, or to ask him to do things for her (even though she has her own boyfriend she could ask) or to cause an argument and 99% of the time its not even about the children. I mean she called once to have a go at him for dating me and to never let me near her children (I was his first girlfriendsince they split she was on her 5th and they’d all met her children), we was on a date at the time, she had never met me and didn’t know who I was but had decided I was evil​:joy:

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I’m going through the same thing, I have him on support and he complains that he can’t pay it since he has his son and wife to take care of mind you we have 2kids together and never done for them. Best thing to do is forget about him, one day he will regret not being around for them. For now just enjoy it and go for custody if you have to. They’ll grow up and remember that you never turned your back on them. Best of luck mama. Btw my girls are going on 10 and 6. My 6 yr old met him when she was 3yrs old and thinks that he’s her grandpa :woman_facepalming:t4:

Girl, if he is letting her take charge of that than he does not care. Let them be, if you have kids a majority of the time than you are fine. Maybe get them their own phones or an ipad where the gf knows it is them rather than your number. It happens

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Honestly if he’s a dead beat let him be and build case against him that he hasn’t made and effort to see his own children (for a year) and as well doesn’t pay child support you will need proof for both of these and that way you’ll get full custody of the kids this is just an FYI

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Sounds like its your man thats the problem

Firstly, please finalize the divorce. Your ex and his girlfriend has growing up to do. If he does not make attempts to see his kids, leave it as that. U can’t force the father to be there for his kids. U focus on your kids. If he is not paying maintenance, get that sorting in court with your divorce one time.

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He sounds like he doesn’t care or want the kids I would ignore him and if need to get Full custody so he has no rights to them does he pay maintenance for them

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Get your divorce. Keep track of everything. Go to court for full custody of kids and child support. If he doesn’t want to see them it’s his loss. Feel bad for the kids

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You’re fighting for your kids to have their biological father in their life, but you have to reach a point to quit trying, quit putting your kids through that heartbreak, and just do what’s best for them! If you’re expecting with your new boyfriend, how does he treat your kids? Does he love them and do what’s best for them? Is he okay with taking over the dad role for them?

My ex-husband has refused to be in my son’s life. I fought him to be in my son’s life the first year, too. I can count on 1 hand how many times he has seen him the past 10 years. Now my son has asked my boyfriend to be his dad and wants nothing to do with my ex. Kids learn pretty quickly who truly care about them.

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This should be titled my husband’s girlfriend will not let him talk to me…maybe that will put this situation in perspective.

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My son is now 19, his dad got married when he was 3. For 16 years i have been banned from calling him, showing up at their house, etc. When our son was 4 he had to go by ambulance to children’s hosp, overnight stay with wound cauterization- i had not been allowed his phone number to call and let him know, we had to leave a message with his mom. When my sons youngest sister was born he wanted to know “why does daddy love my sisters more than me?” So i took him to their apartment demanded he come out and talk to our son- i was called by both his wife and mother and yelled at for taking my son over there. His dad has had very minimal contact with him his whole life but wants the world to think he is a great dad. It does not get better

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All of you have some growing up to do. You’ve got 3 kids with a deadbeat dad to whom you are still married, and you are pregnant with a different baby daddy already?! Obviously, your ex has no interest in being an involved parent and you have more than enough on your plate than to put up with his BS. If your current boyfriend is willing and able to be a great father to all 4 children then focus on building a life with him.

Shes jealous end of story. He is so wrong and unattached to his children or he would not be acting this way. Is he paying child support if not just let him slip away kids will initiate visits until they learn he’s not worth it.

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This man has to be a father if HE wants to, you can’t force him. From what you’ve said it seems that the new girlfriend is more important. Let him do as he pleases, dont force anything, especially the children onto him. Children are smart, they’ll see him for exactly who he is. Don’t call him, don’t text. Just don’t. If he can have some new woman controlling him like that, you don’t want that around your children anyways.

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I’m not sure why you are wasting your time. Let him go. If my ex was not in…he’d be out.

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He’s actually the one that needs to grow up. He’s allowing her to control him. I would file for divorce and focus on my children and new relationship.

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Just let it go. It’s your ex you should be more mad about. Stop trying to get him to be a dad. File for the divorce and child support and let the courts figure out visitation. It sucks but stop forcing him and let him be held accountable legally. It is not worth the aggravation

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Honestly, get the divorce and take him to court for him to give up his rights. Then you don’t have to worry about trying to contact him and being frustrated that he never asks for them. Cause he’ll either give them up or you guys will end up agreeing on a set visitation schedule and set visitation means he can’t be at the girlfriends house 24/7 not able to take his kids. He takes them on his visitation and too bad what the new gf wants.

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You can’t make someone want to spend time with their kids. He is clearly not interested.

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He is just as much the problem if he can’t step up and see his kids. I wouldn’t push a relationship as crappy as that sounds. But the kids need a dad, not someone who comes around when he feels like it.

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Girl file for divorce and move on. Don’t beg a man to see his kids. He obviously has no interest in them and I can see this being a situation where one of your kids end up drinking something on “accident” or getting burned because she dont want them around. Read the signs and move on. Good luck

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The dad is using the girlfriend as a excuse!! Stop blaming the girlfriend!! If he was interested in his kids, no one would keep him from them! You can’t force him to want his kids! I wouldn’t want my kids around people, who don’t want to be around them!

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That father has a lot of growing up to do. ANY good dad… Would NEVER let a female, dictate when he can talk to his children or the mother of his children, or when he can or can’t see his children. His children would always come first. Regardless. If he was a real man, or father, she’d be put in her place real quick, or be out the door.

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Keep track of the days and times he keeps them. Dont push your kids on him. If he wants to be apart of their lives he will if not his loss. Trust me your kids will realize they aren’t wanted. I did and cut all ties once I was old enough

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He is just as much the problem. If you stop reaching out I bet so does he. The kids deserve better than that.

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First of all, y’all need a divorce. Second, if I were you I’d file for full custody, get child support and if he wants to see the kids he can ask for visitation rights and prove he will be a constant. Third, he clearly doesn’t want to be bothered so stop calling and texting him. If he wants to see them or know what’s going on, he can contact you. That will be hard on the kids for sure, but in the long run, they will be better off. Seek legal advice tho. It isn’t up to you to make sure he sees the kids. I’d make it a rule that if he wants them for a weekend, he must notify you first a week in advance. That way you can plan accordingly. Best of luck

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Honey I wouldn’t force nothing. Once you file for divorce the judge will ask about child support and visitation that’s where you will get what you want.

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They both have growing up to do! She has no buisness ‘telling’ a grown a** man he can’t talk to the mother of his kids, and he SHOULD be grown enough to tell her to get bent. Get your divorce and leave it at that. You shouldn’t have to force someone to be with your children, they deserve better than that. If you’re dead set in making him, file a parenting plan with the courts. Then there is a schedule he HAS to follow under penalty of court and you don’t have to play their games.

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Stop calling, stop asking, say if you want to see your kids you have to initiate contact. Document the lack of contact and hopefully he will figure out what is right on his own. It’s not your job to make him be a dad. I did this and my x woke up eventually.

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I wouldn’t force him to see them if I were you. I would only have contact when HE contacts YOU. If he asks for time with his kids, let them go, otherwise don’t waste your time even asking. Just watch and see how little effort he cares to put in. The kids will see it too in time. If your new boyfriend is great with them, I would let him step up to be more of a dad than your ex is. The kids will also see that.

Finalize your divorce and get child support. I would also pull records of contact between the 2 of you and start documenting when he has taken the kids for visits.

He is the problem here. No one should ever take more importance over your kids like this. If it was me, I’d stop asking him to the the kids or talk to them. It’s not your job to make him have a relationship with them. It’s gonna hurt your kids. But you just be there for them as you always have. It’s your ex’s loss. Your kids deserve better.

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Sounds like he needs to grow a backbone. I don’t get people sometimes I am so glad my husband his ex-wife and I get along

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I don’t understand how these grown folks allow another person to dictate to them of when to speak to the other parent of their kids or how to deal with their kids. Just a bunch of idiot punks that low key probably don’t want to be parents anyways.

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I know you think its his girlfriend and yes she definitely makes it worse. But the truth is, if he truly cared about his kids, he would not let your separation or his girlfriend stop him from being involved in the kids lives. He is a grown man and decides for himself what kind of father he wants to be.

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It’s not her. It’s him. HE is their father and if he isn’t pulling his weight, leave him be. He’ll regret it after they breakup. She would be the least of my worries. Stop forcing a grown man to be accountable when he doesn’t want to. Save yourself some headaches.

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File for divorce and full custody of the kids, as well as the child support to help you support them while he’s off loving his life.

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Sorry but EVERYONE in this situation is a problem! Those poor kids…

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Quit trying. They’ll eventually show up when you care less. Just focus on loving your son, fill in the gaps as much as you can. I hope your boyfriend treats him just like his own.

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Sounds like a bunch of childish, ignorance. If you can’t be mature enough to co-parent & not let an outsider rule…then shame on you. (Meaning dad)
The kids are the ONLY thing that matters & people need to learn to step up & do it together…it takes a village.
If dad wants to act worthless…let it be. Don’t ask or force anything. It will hurt the kids worse than not seeing him at all. He will be the only one missing out.
You need to put your foot down!

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Dont even bother… it may seem like it’s the girlfriend but at th end of the day it’s his own choice to be with her and not his kids. He is making that choice!

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She’s jealous and insecure and he’s letting her call the shots. He should really man up.

No the gf don’t owe her anything but as a woman your ok with your spouse doing the bare minimum. She clearly needs to get over herself and your ex need to show her that yall kids are a priority. Tf

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As a step mom I say she got problems now my husband don’t barely talk to his children’s mothers he has 3 bm but his boys are older with phones of there own now but when they call he answers she seems immature she should be encouraging him to see his children and staying at his place and him being with any woman that don’t want his baby’s around that’s a huge red flag he ain’t seeing

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If he wants a relationship with his children, he will put them first instead of last. The kids are still young so of course you need to discuss the children. I’d stop communicating until he matures if ever and focus on the children. Honestly they both have growing to do but he’s supposed to be a parent not a bachelor with no responsibilities. He’s hiding behind a insecure girl instead of manning up to be a real father. Contributing sperm or eggs doesn’t make you a parent, being there for the children, showing up for the kids, communicating and loving the children makes you a parent.

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No your not wrong for being upset I have made my husband go help his ex even when we had the kids and she has helped us even when she had the kids all four of yall need to coparent if shes going to be a part of bio dads life she needs to atleast civil to you and understand that no matter what he should be a part of his kids life when you start having a mixed family situation like this its not alaways easy but the adults have to put their feelings aside and do whats best for the kids at first my husbands ex didnt want me around i would go droo my husband off at his moms so he could see his kids and then pick him up when he was done we always found a way to stay in the kids lifes were there times we didnt see eye to eye yes but we learned to coparent and i would give anything to have her back alive for my bonus sons sake also surprisingly she ended up my bio kids God Mom

I calling b.s. speck to him through your lawyer and custody application and judge.
Grandma always said and it true you keep a man where he don’t want to be kept.

I have no help with the no talking but I know In my state your husband is legally the father of the child, you might have to have him sign a statement saying he knows the kid is not his(I went through the same thing with my ex husband and middle child couldn’t divorce cuz I had no idea where he was)

You can dislike her all you want. But remember, it doesn’t matter how much she “demands”, it’s still his choice. And you can’t make someone be a parent.

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My father was like that anything girlfriend said went he never had a back bone to stand up for us. My advice is quit trying to force the relationship between him and kids. Dont call him wait for him to contact. Also dont take blame for his absents or make excuses for him.If he wants them he will step up if not he will fade away either way better to do while there young.

Sounds like the gf is jealous and wears the pants in this relationship. No female should hold a guy back from seeing his kids, as a person that is dating someone wouldn’t you want to see them being a real father and not a deadbeat and if he has to choose the gf over the kids then screw him. File for divorce take him to court for full custody with child support. Make him pay since he rather tend to some female.

Get used to the idea you’ve just become a single mom. Just do yourself a favor. Make sure he or someone in his family knows where your at. This way if or when the day comes and court gets involved. You can always tell them he’s known how to get you. He choose not to.
I get you want daddy around but he’s already shown he’s not gonna be there. Oh and don’t say nothing bad about their Dad. Let them form their own opinions.
I did it. It can be done. My boys are grown men and respect women to the fullest. And I did it alone.

Um well I’d personally check her. She is the “girlfriend” and he needs to stand up to her and tell her she needs to back down, because realistically and technically, she has not one bit of say in the situation. I’d feel pretty dumb if I was her controlling her new man to not talk to his own children’s mother. If he isn’t wanting to play the dad role and isn’t even trying to see the kiddos, then tell them to both f off. It’s so beyond obvious she’s jealous you are still married (even if separated) and you share 3 kids with him. If she’s gonna be psycho crazy and controlling, the situation doesn’t sound worth the hassle or stress. Let him contact you and maybe just back off. If it gets too ugly, take it to court and make sure that b doesn’t have a single say.

That’s horrible… to be honest I was like this with my bf, I would fight if his ex wife called, but I realized our kids are more important then some petty jealousy… we help her, she helps us, her and i give gifts on mothers day from our kids… i wish more woman and men with blended families would realize this

Don’t chase him, let ur babies reach out to them and if he doesn’t respond let ur babies know that he didn’t answer, and keep it moving… I go through this every time my boys dad gets a new girl. Ik ir sucks but ur babies don’t need him… put him on child support and call it a day…

How could U have a baby again to a new guy so soon , really don’t get girls , takes years to get to know someone