My ex is a mess, what should I do?

I have two kids with Ex my son is autistic(MILD symptoms) he's 6 my oldest is 9 .... I have never had any financial help from this man whatsoever... recently I haven't been letting my kids go over to there dads and I'm not sure if I'm just being petty and ima start off by saying we are both re married.... So they have about four months that they had started going over to there dads and while we each have our own ways of living and different ways to raise kids , it bothers me that my kids come back saying my dad says he's the boss your not , my dad said our shoes are ugly so he threw them away or there shirts or pants mind you I get no help financially so this does bother me ... My kids came back halloween talking about how they were in a Halloween party with dad and his wife and there was shootings and how his dad and his friends had guns too....they say there breakfeast is a Cup of coffee, he drinks 24/7 while around them and has given them sips of beer in the past. They come back with foul language and they tell me how his wife is so anxious to go to court and fight for custody......

This Week though he called me and texted me if he was going to be able to get the kids this week I said no his response was he called CPS on me because now he said he will be fighting for custody… there’s so much more to this that it’s to much… let me add cps was involved when I was pregnant with my second kido due to domestic violence from him in a hospital , he would threaten me and follow me to work… he’s currently fighting for his residency since he has MULTIPLE domestic violence and DWI charges… not to worried about CPS but I just don’t know if just keeping my kids away until we get the court date is the right move…

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is a mess, what should I do?

Keep them until court, or else he could take your kids and not bring them back.

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You need to seek legal advice from a lawyer and contact cps about what is happening in his home. It’s not okay to put down the to her parent, throw out their clothes, constantly drink around them or especially give them alcohol. If you kept them a court would likely side with you but you are best to get legal advice on this matter from a lawyer.

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If he’s that bad no judge will give him custody. He may get every other weekend. Make sure you right this all down for court. Us his history against him. Of you have a custody order in place you have to follow it. Of not wait till you see the judge.

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Keep them until court. I just went thru a similar situation. Hire an attorney

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First off… call CPS,DCS, or whatever they call it in ur state. Unless he has a license to carry… report it. Call the police and make a report. And get a restraining order. And file for full custody

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That’s their dad you picked him they need a relationship with him to your not the superior parent

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Uh no. Go to court. Domestic violence is hard to fight in court for custody

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The kids shouldn’t be allowed to see him. It’s not safe! Let him fight you in court.

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Keep them until there’s a set schedule by the court. And get u some papers of all his convictions.

My daughter had to file for temporary custody until.court…

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Keeping them away is certainly the right thing to do. You should write everything down, even in bullet points and get yourself a lawyer :heart::pray:t2:

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The shoes he threw away, did he replace? We’re they in poor condition? Giving a kid a SIP of beer is not abuse. IMO it curbs the curiosity to sneak it. Is the dad not supposed to have guns or friends with guns?

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Keep the kids for now. Document & go to court. That’s your best bet. Court immediately.

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Y’all sound like a bunch of bitter baby mommas

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You’re absolutely doing the right thing.

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You need to go for full custody asap

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Take HIM to court … get full custody and unless he straightens up make sure he only has ‘supervised’ visits

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You made the choice to make him their dad.
There’s nothing you can do about someone legally carrying a gun.
Two, did he actually let them drink beer? Or were kids just saying that? It HAPPENS!
Three, absolutely zero you can do about them threatening court. But, that’s no reason to keep children from their other parent. I willingly gave my ex husband joint custody Bc at some point I thought he was decent enough to marry. So I have to trust that my kids will not be put in harms way. But I am always going to advocate that a parent has the right to spend time with their children. As I was kept from mine.

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Keep them until court ordered to not keep them. If you have no court ordered custody agreement in place, dad can get & keep them with no legal repercussions. Bring everything up in court and let the judge tell you what you don’t or do have to allow as far as visitation. I’d also stop any/all contact with him, unless medical or school related for your kids until you go to court.

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You should file first and keep them to yourself until than unless all visitations are with you cause seems like theyre ready to pull a stunt and if no custody is appointed to someone thru the courts than cops can not do anything if he keeps them or runs off w them

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No it doesn’t just a lot of women deal with crap like this she should call cps and fill them in on all the problems he causes with the kids and all of his arrests and so on and no I’m not a bitter baby momma she should keep the kids as far away from him as possible

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These are all accusations besides your hospital appearance… Proof is what they will want…

Write it ALL down with dates and times. Keep a notebook

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Take HIM to court, get FULL custody and only allow him supervised visits or no visits at all Jesus Christ please protect your children, don’t be dumb

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He the boss of that house and ur the boss of ur house that’s how we do it works out great

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I would consult with a lawyer

Apply for emergency sole full custody right now and then a court date will be set.

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Yes chaotic environment drinking swearing guns throwing kids posessions away…the guys unhinged

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When my kids were in danger, my lawyer advised me to leave home, turn off my phone and don’t let him have the kids. When we went to court “it was in the best interest of the children due to……” and if you feel like you have sufficient evidence to prove that they could be in some way harmed or neglected then it shouldn’t be a problem. But it also depends on where you’re located too.

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With a history of domestic violence, he should be under supervised only visitation. Keep the kids and go to court for full custody. Get paperwork from the past cps case involving domestic violence.
Write down everything that has happened, with dates if u remember them. Keep contact through text so it can be documented. Print all of it out and take it to court with u

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Im not going to bother reading past “he drinks 24/7” I would NOT let them go back unsupervised and go file the custody papers before he beats you to it.

Get sole custody let him fight for access n visitation rights … in uk therz 1989 childrens act n it states, that kids, when old enuf, have some say…get them kids legally yours 1st n he will av 2 prove hes a suitable person 4them kids 2b around …he drinks, swears, has guns, gives coffee for breakfast n trashes their stuff… ( n thats only the stuff WE know about…yeah nice man for kids to be around ( NOT ). Trust your gut instincts. Keep kids away from him hes toxic for them.

You need to start gathering evidence. He said she said isn’t evidence. If he’s done all these horrible things why haven’t you called CPS on him? If I thought my children were in harms way I’d call CPS and have them investigate. You need a lawyer to help guide you on what all you need to do.

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Is there a court order? Gather evidence FB any social media make sure the dates on the pictures not the date you took it with your phone!! Try and get anything where he’s holding alcohol or videos engaging on unsafe behaviors anything you can get to help the case!!! Get an attorney!! Document document document!!

Get a restraining order then ask for assistance with attorney through the domestic violence group near you. They will walk you through it all if the kids or you are in danger.

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Tell him to bring you to court, that way he can start paying child support. I wouldnt let the kids go over there, and I doubt hes bringing you to court and even if he does you will not loose your kids.

Your kids aren’t in a safe environment over there. Be their voice and stand your ground for them!

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Is there a custody agreement through the courts? If so, do not keep those kids from their dad. It will put you in contempt. If there is no custody agreement, then I suggest not sending them there for the time being. One way or another, I would document the issues and go file for emergency custody. That leaves the kids with you until a court date where you will both appear, plead your cases and the judge will rule on custody and visitation. Don’t be a bitter baby mama, but protect your children at all cost!

On a side note, if your home is happy and healthy, don’t worry about him calling CPS. They do NOT handle custody/visitation. They’re there for accusations of abuse/neglect/child endangerment.

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1st - File with your State’s Child Support Enforcement Bureau (can be found in the Gov’t pages of your phone book).
I anyone’s home - grandparents, friends, etc., - they are to be respected.
It is very hard on children to go from one set or guidelines to another…
ALWAYS go along with what the Courts decide… as painful as it is for you AND them…

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You dont get financial support from their Dad. Does that mean he doesn’t have income or theres no court order ?
Either way I would suggest getting a lawyer. With his history of violence and drinking he shouldn’t have unsupervised visits with his children .
Get a lawyer. Get to court. Fight for fully custody with only supervised visits for dad.
Personally…I wouldnt allow them back to their fathers till thats all in place. It could be said you were putting them in danger by knowingly allowing them to visit an unsuitable environment if anything happened and it all came out in court

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With that history , I wouldn’t have sent them to start with

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Let him complain and try to get custody , the judge with chew him up and split him out. You should of taken full custody long ago. It’ll cost you BUT DO IT FOR THE KIDS ! Full custody , child support, prove what you have paid and where your money you make goes. Kids need you to step up and not be a bystander while their drunk father harms them !

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call CPS first tell them your concerns and if you then have a right to say no next call to a lawyer

File a protection order a temporary one

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Between now and court insist on supervised visitation at a spot where he has to pass through a metal detector, if somebody takes children to a party with shootings then its on them to prove they’re safe to be around theirs (or anyones) children again

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Absolutely keep your children safe

He’s trying to make you mad stop letting them kids go over there make him take you to court for visits and if he throws out their clothes keep the “nicer” ones he buys

Keep your kids away from him. If there is no custody or parental agreement you have all right to not allow your children into a toxic environment. I would record any bad conversations he and you have it’s legal. I would keep a journal of everything he does. Also it wouldn’t be a bad idea for your children to go to talk with someone outside of situation. They want a mom and dad. They need to know besides from you what’s a good healthy surroundings and relationships are.

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Absolutely keeping the kids away is the right move. Alcoholic (probably other drugs also) father who, degrades and belittles their mother, domestic violence, around a shooting with an Alcoholic having a loaded weapon. I would call the police immediately to make a formal complaint of child endangerment, then call CPS to do the same. Then call Domestic Relations… Don’t send the kids back into that situation and regret it. Don’t wait for him to do anything thru the court.

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File a TRO (temporary restraining order) so that he cannot contact you or see the children. Make sure to include his wife. Don’t worry about DCS. Don’t coach the kids, tell them they should always tell the truth. My kids asked me when I had to deal with DCS what to say and I told them I can’t tell you that other than to tell the truth.

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So not to be rude but your children are in danger and you’re asking the internet for advice? Just want to be clear…. :roll_eyes:

Would not let my kids no where near this man till it’s proven my children where safe keep them kids at home safe with you an air your concerns with the right people

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Talk to a lawyer…. Everything depends on what state you live in…. Seek professional advice…

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Until court it’s a civil matter. Don’t hand them over as it isn’t safe if what your saying is true. And I do believe you. Have ss ask the kids away from you and let them tell them what happens there. Ss is trained to deal with this stuff. I’d also get them into a family councler as well and his criminal record will also not look too great on his end. A parents job is to PROTECT AND PROVIDE #1. Just so it’s honest and for the right reasons. Best of luck for you and your littles!

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Talk to a lawyer before you do anything. Regardless what he has done, it will be held against you in court if you keep them away

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We do not have court agreement, childsupport court has been pending for a date five years

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Keep them.
If yall dont have anything in writing and they get them legally he can keep them from you until court. I went through it with my baby girl and it took me 4 long months until we went to court to get her back. It flipped my world upside down. I strongly advise to get custody in place before sending them back

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Keep them away till court

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If u allow the kids to go there and know all of this is going on you could be held responsible also . Let him take u to court, tell cps what has gone on there and that u are no longer allowing them to go after what u have heard

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At first, I was going to say yes. Then I read on and on. Have supervised visiting until court.

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Listen I would not have let my children stay a night with him if I knew he drank all the time. I would ask the court for full custody. Then I would ask for supervised visitation for the children. I would find a lawyer and allow them to speak with the lawyer about what there father has said to them and all the things. Good luck and God bless

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Get a Guardian Ad Litum involved, that is a court appointed person who looks for the best interest of the children, they do a lot of work and will investigate your children’s sperm donor and his living situation and will likely help you get a better custody agreement as well as child support.

Don’t worry, he didn’t call CPS nor is he going to fight for custody.

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Yes protect your kids! My EX threatens CPS! I tell him bring it on! That is a toxic environment in their dad’s house! You don’t give kids alcohol! Illegal! Coffee is NOT breakfast for kids! Take him to court! He will be court ordered to pay child support. I don’t know any judge that would give custody much less visitation to a parent that has DV charges on the other parent!

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Isn’t this something you should be discussing with cps and your new spouse

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You need to keep a log… every time your kids tell you things, or things like the shoes missing… dates… everything the kids say to you is just hearsay… but document it… sounds like you’re about to go to court… you’re going to need this…

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In my opinion you’re definitely making the right choice.

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Sure he will. Cps doesn’t help with custody. Courts do. Document every message test document everything the kids tell you with dates and times.go get an attorney.

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Oh and don’t forget child support. That one will probably put on end to it.

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I’ve always said , you can’t keep children away from they’re dads , he’s has just as much right is you, but in this situation! I don’t blame you one bit! I wouldn’t send them

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By not allowing him to take the kids you are keeping the kids away from him and makes you look bad in the eyes of the courts. It doesn’t matter that he’s a horrible dad and person, he has not been charged with anything against the kids only you so a judge will tell you your wrong. Your not wrong for wanting to protect your kid from there obviously toxic dad. You actually have an advantage if you call CPS and report him for taking your kids to a party with guns, that’s putting your kids in direct danger. I would completely lose my :poop: if my sons dad threw away clothes and shoes, with or without his financial support. I really think you should report him and have them talk to your kids about what he’s telling them, where he’s talking then and how he’s throwing away there clothes and shoes without replacing them.

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I would say start writing every single thing done that has been done or said. Write down everything that the children talk about that happens there. If you have to get a different notebook just for visitation happenings the kids tell you about. Any messages via/text, please screenshot and have printed for court since most courts don’t allow phones inside. My daughter had problems with her exhubby. Start a file! If lawyer or anyone wants that info. Tell them to make copies and get your originals back.

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I would 100% keep them away especially if hes drinking all the time. And not feeding them or helping with them

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Stop using the term mild to describe your child’s autism?

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If there is no court order in place I wouldn’t send them till there was one in place.

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Keep him away, quit using them as pawns, do everything the legal way, next time he gets them since there is no legal custody established, if he wants to take them and leave the state, there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it!! Quit being lazy and go to court, get custody, set child support and visitation, if you have any worries, get them set in the visitation agreement. Example, if he drinks and he comes to pick them up, he can be legally forced to take a breathalyzer before he puts them in his car.

Request a guardian ad litem with the court. They investigate both homes & tell the court what to do. Your 9yr old may be able to tell the court she doesn’t want to visit her dad. That’s her choice. If she does say that, they’ll ask the 6yr old.
Not way would my children be around that so do what you have to and protect them.

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If he called CPS they will investigate his home as well so the truth will come out. Documentat everything, save texts, etc. I would get an attorney if you can afford one, if not petition the courts right away for emergency full custody siting the kids stories of weapons and drinking! Good luck momma, your children come first!

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Is there a custody agreement? Of not cut off all contact. Save all texts, write down everything the kids say, what he’s thrown away etc. If he files for custody or visitation get a lawyer asap. I don’t think you’re being petty. He’s stealing from you when he throws your kids stuff away that you bought, he’s drinking & taking them around guns. The judge isn’t going to like any of that crap. Have your cps worker ask your boys about their visits with dad. Turn his complaint on you into a complaint on him without actually making 1. 2 “friends” of mine loss their kids that way.

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Hopefully you kept those texts that he admitted yo calling cps out of spite. That won’t look good on him.

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If there were domestic charges against him to begin with that’s his first strike. No financial support at all is his second. We all know that kids sometimes don’t tell every little detail. Sounds as if his abusive traits are back at it again. If he is illegally in possession of a firearm then that’s the third. Sounds like his narcissistic behavior is all it is because I doubt with this history he wont call anyone however you never know so it’s best to be prepared. If there is no court order then NO don’t let them go. Describe your child as you wish because you are his mother and know his diagnosis.
If they were handed alcohol then that is a issue, yet the questions remain are you getting the full story. Your children’s safety is your main concern not his threats and such but the fact he’s throwing their clothing and shoes away is a issue too. Don’t be afraid to stand up to him just because he is trying to control you. He is the boss at his house but clearly not yours and if they are not in a safe situation then keep them home until there is something legally in place. He may not bring them back and there may not be anything you can do until there is something in writing. Clearly he has deeper issues than not taking care of his children. If he hasn’t helped you and there isn’t anything that says they must go then in my observation they must stay where they are the safest and that’s with you.

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Protect your little ones. He is far from healthy.

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Stay away the kids do not deserve this nor you.

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If he isnt parenting well, and ur kids come home with bad attitudes… rightfully keep them away. Its for ur kids own benefit else they too will grow up into messed up adults

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Definitely consult a lawyer. Consult may be free.

Maybe get an emergency restraining order against him. Write down dates, times & what happened and if anyone can corroborate his awful behavior. With domestic violence, stalking, owning guns after DV, driving drunk, non payment of child support and vindictive and alienating behavior I doubt you’d have a problem gaining sole custody if you want. Or you could request court supervised visitation. If he shows up drunk or high the court will note that & note if he doesn’t show up as well.

Decide if he doesn’t pay child support after it’s mandated through the courts over many months if you want to report him and possibly send him to jail.

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Im not sure how it works im the US but here in the UK having CPS could help your case in court (if you want to go down that route). They can write a statement in to court or attend if they are involved and will tell a judge their opinions. Take advantage of having them and let them know everything your children have said to you about what happens when they are in his and wife’s care. You are protecting your children. Good luck Momma :heart:

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If there’s no custody order ,then he also has every right to take those kids
And there isn’t a Damn thing you could do

I will tell you like I told my ex husband there is only one person that can protect my child from the toxic mess and that me…I refuses to allow my child around the drugs abuse and alchol and his crazy woman her had…I told him do what you gotta do as far as courts concerned and I will see you there…I gotta ask if he is doing this obviously he was doing it in the past so if you had them away from him with no problems why did you go there again and subject those children to that again ?

Sounds like he has no business having the children in his “care”. I agree with all the other folks saying he sounds unhealthy and irresponsible. Keeping your kids out of that situation is totally appropriate. If there is no custody agreement amd he does not help financially, you have been more than accomodating thus far it seems.