My ex is begging me to take him back but I don't know what to do: Advice?

I hope you can keep this anonymous, but I would really love to hear some feedback on this: I was with my ex for several years. We had a baby together. But during our relationship there was always this little one off instances of him talking to pass flings to “catch up” or liking inappropriate pictures on Instagram of female “friends”, he would lie about really stupid things, little things like that. Then it grew into bigger problems like being extremely disrespectful to me, never spending time with our son and me, never helping out around the house, plus the other things in the beginning. Finally, I made him leave our house because we were constantly fighting… I recently found out he began talking to other women and sleeping with them two days after I made him leave our house. And now he begs for me back pretty much every day, tells me he’s sorry, and he’s really changed and learned from us being separated… He tells me I’m immature for “not looking forward” and “focusing on the past,” that I’m choosing to just throw my family away when I “could just give him another chance,” but to me, it just doesn’t seem like he was ever able to actually prove that he’s capable of being loyal or honest or faithful to me while we were together and especially after he left the house. I could just really use some advice on this. It isn’t easy going through the most pain and betrayal you’ve ever gone through in your life and still be told I’m choosing to keep my family separated. Thanks for taking the time to read this


He’s your ex for a reason!

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It’s just like a guy to Flip that switch on us women but dont let him flip the switch make him learn from his mistakes have him beggin on his knees and tell him to go ask that B$$$$ on that picture he like to take him …SMh sorry


You’re choosing to raise your child in an emotionally and mentally healthy home. You’re good mama… don’t look back.


From personal experience, ignore him.

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If he wanted to be kept he would’ve acted like it! You will find someone you won’t have to question their intentions actions etc I promise


He’s just lonely and other women ain’t giving him the attention like he’s wanting he’s only sorry because he got caught don’t do it!!


I would take it very slow, don’t move back together, he needs to prove he changed, start by just going on dates and see how he behaves and treats you for a good 3 months.

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He has realised the grass isnt always greener on the other side :roll_eyes:

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So I’m not going to be the one to say go for it, maybe he’s changed. I’m going to be the one to say it’s sad that you still haven’t figured out your self worth. Do you feel that you still deserve that kind of treatment again? Do you feel that allowing your child to see their mother being treated poorly is good parenting? Imagine your child as an adult going through the same type of relationship and then escaping it, would you encourage them to try it again?


It doesn’t sound like he is proving he is any different than before. I wouldn’t but if you decide to I would move very slowly and see if he actually changed. But by the sound of it I doubt he will like that.

If he completely changes how he is BEFORE you take him back, and you have deep meaningful conversations over months to heal your relationship, maybe. But you know he’s not different. He’s using you for your emotional attention. Don’t fall for it.

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There’s a reason he’s your ex… keep him that way

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If I were you, I would NOT take this man back. It sounds like he’s progressively got more and more toxic as time has gone on. He’s also gaslighting you’re and emotionally abusing you.

You and your child both deserve better. You deserve a better man to share your life with and your child deserves a better example of a healthy relationship.


I would definitely say don’t take him back an ex is an ex for a reason and he did stop to you while you were together that he knew you didn’t like and still did it. I know it’s so tempting to go back but I would say don’t do it

You broke up for a reason.

Dont go Back… u don’t Want ur child growing up Thinking it’s okay To Treat people like This because my Daddy treated my mum like It and she allowed it so It Must be Ok that is what ur child would Think. U Left. Dont Take him Back! and Him sleeping with other people 2 Days After you told him to Leave and he has now changed. Nah Bye!

Nope bye. Dont take him back ever. Dealing with almost the same thing now. Soon as my money situation is good. Hes going

He’s saying that to guilt trip you into taking him back. It’s possible he learned & changed but it’s highly doubtful unfortunately.

That door is closed and needs to stay closed

Dont waste yr time gurl
…save yr breathe and yr time…he obviously still hasn’t changed…tryn to make u feel bad for not forgiving him and taking him back…instead of giving u yr time to heal and him show and make the effort …actions bby…actions!!! Screw what he saying…what is he doing…seriously…u all were together for years and had a baby together but after 2 days of being broken up he already sleeping around…nah. u deserve better …I would def. Not give him another chance. …I’m in the same boat…but he can keep begging cause he ain’t done shit different…just steady talking bout it…nope nope. :v::v:

He sounds like an abuser and a manipulator. Offer him more time with the kid, if hes so worried about the family aspect of your relationship. I’d put my foot down and just coparent

If he truly changed he wouldn’t be telling you you’re the problem for focusing on the past and telling you that it’s your fault now… a changed person would be showing humility, remorse, and would be respectful of your decision or hesitation.


Fuck that! Tell him he shouldn’t have chosen other women over you then… you deserve better

I’d tell him " I am looking forward and to be honest I don’t see you there I will continue to do what I do without you., "

I don’t give second chances… seriously if he was worth keeping I wouldn’t have let him go to begin with

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Take it from someone who has been through this exact situation and then some. DO NOT take him back! I promise you this won’t change. He will act sorry just long enough to pull you back in and get you to drop your guard and the second there’s a single problem it will go right back to the way it was. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I could write horror stories about the crap I went through.


If you want to give him achance, date him. With and without your son. If he is a better person and is truly changed then it will become a full blown relationship and if he’s the same old d-bag, it won’t disrupt your child’s home with him coming back and then you having to kick him out again.

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Actually it’s him that’s throwing his family away. He’s a rubber. Please don’t give this guy another chance he doesn’t deserve it.


He is blaming you and saying you are immature. Tell me again how he has changed. I don’t buy it for 2 seconds. I wouldn’t take him back, but then again I’ve been in that situation and have been cheated on. And if they will do it once, they will continue doing it. It is in his character. You deserve happiness and it won’t be with him.


He’s manipulating you.


There’s a reason you guys broke up in the first place. Remember that reason when he’s begging for you back. Good luck. :two_hearts::two_hearts:

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In my experience I kept taking my then husband back and sure enough for a few week’s every thing great then not only did he revert back to old ways (true self) it’s got and every time would be worse than time before… I did for the kids sake after the first time taking him back. I gave everything I had in me to make it work. Finally I had no more of me to even give my kid’s for a bit. I finally lost it and put self in potential deadly situations begged to please kill me and get over…scared him so bad and that’s what it took to free me…don’t that…I was lucky. In that moment I desperately wanted him to get it over with.

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Nope he is a narcassist…blaming you saying its your fault the familys split up “when you could just take him back”. :face_with_raised_eyebrow:
Classic narsassistic manipulator using your emotions against you to control you.
I’d just bluntly shut him down an let him know there’s no chance in hell…your son deserves to grow up seeing you being treated right.


Hes trying to manipulate his way back in by playing on your emotions…they’re always sorry after the fact and willing to change lol just cut your losses and move on. Guarentee you accept him back, itll be the same old thing within a couple of months.

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It’s your decision remember you kicked him out for a reason and I for one have never seen either sex change they do it over and over again sure stop for like a min but then starts up again and leads to more

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No he’s being extremely manipulative and toxic as f*ck ! He’s victim blaming and that’s just his ignorance showing .
You’re doing the right thing . If he can grow up and be a good father then let him do that but please don’t let him guilt you into staying in an abusive relationship. You can get through this.
He obviously is hungry for one thing.


Girl…you already know the answer to this one. You dont start over, you start right back where you left off :woman_shrugging:

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You are not “choosing to throw your family away”, he did that when he slept with someone else


Rachel Lynn you are sooooo miserable. Laugh at literally anything and everything. Imma call you out everytime too.

Don’t entertain any conversation from him that isnt focused on your child

When trust is gone no amount of love will make it better.

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Why is this even a question?! You just listed about 40 red flags! I speak from personal experience… they don’t change. My ex-husband was the same way. We have been separated since 2015, divorced since 2017. Occasionally, when shit is going south with his 3rd baby’s mom, he will hit me up and tell me he misses me and he misses his wife and blah blah blah. I fell for it about a dozen times before enough was enough, and we had a daughter together. I say had because he’s had nothing to do with her since we split, so as far as she is concerned, my husband is her dad. I promise you that while it may be hard after years and a child with someone, it’s in your best interest and your child best interest to no go back to that.

B4 you act on this weigh up good times from the bad if more bad times things will not change and i would say move on give yourself and your son more of a future with maybe just you and him for along while you mite be happier dont let the father not see him but make it clear providing hes no threat to his son. that between you and him things are over if thats truly what you want

How can he change overnight?

Girl you are free. Take your freedom run with it and make your life happy.


Trash. He went out and screwed everyone that he wanted to like a damn dog in heat. Now he wants to come back to your home and clean vag, and dump all that nastiness there. Yeah. :roll_eyes::thinking: Nah. I’d pass if I were you. Used d*ck is the last thing I’d want.

He was cheating before you threw him out. The behavior told it all. He Will Not Change! I wasted my life on a my ex. Guilt makes a man act irritated all the time.


Keep strong. It’s better to be alone than disrespected. He wants to make you feel guilty so you’ll take him back and he can continue to treat you badly.

He’s a narcissistic and putting all the blame on you for him being a shitty person. Tell him To first prove change by going to councling, anger management and become a better person.
Once that happens it can be your decision if you see real long term change or not. Minimum of a year of working on himslef, no relationships, no sleeping together, only to see the child.
Stick to your boundaries and show your child Strength and Perseverance.

I’m sorry but no. My ex tried that because of me filing stuff with police :joy::rofl: do not take him back. You deserve to be happy and so does your child. However we can let you know our opinions but at the end of the day the choice is still yours and no matter what you chose just weigh out the options for whats best for not only yourself but your child and go with that.

How long has he been out of the house. Truthfully I don’t believe guys like him can change unless he’s willing to go to therapy and counseling.

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K so those little lines hes feeding you arent trying to get you back. Hes trying to manipulate you into getting what he wants. I do believe that people and couples can grow and change, and move away from negative. But hes not even trying. Beyond his actions (which are appalling) , hes not even trying with his words. Saying you’re immature?! Give me a break! Hes gross. Put an end to that shit.

If he’s slept with others after you’ve kicked him out, it’s not your business.
However you should probably run a mile

He wants you back coz who ever he has been with has dropped him…dont bother hes using you until the next best thing comes along


Just stop and think… if he is making you feel bad or guilty for not taking him back, thats your sign you shouldn’t take him back. Forget everything that has happened. He shouldn’t make you feel guilty and call you immature for not taking him back. He threw it all away which is why you kicked him out!


Hes proved he hasnt changed by calling you immature. He didn’t care to work on things when you were kicking him out, or having sex with other women. Hes lonely and thats why he wants to come back.

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Sounds like my ex. Don’t take him back. You’ll regret it and be even more miserable. Sometimes it’s healthier and happier for all (or the majority) of families to be separate than together.

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Doesn’t sound like he’s changed at all. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!


Don’t do iiiiiiittttttt :pray:t2: there are plenty of men who would die to love you the right way. Or, if you can’t find one of those, better to be single than made to feel like that :two_hearts: positive vibes your way! Good luck!


Don’t do it… He sounds like a manipulater

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His response to your concerns speaks volumes. If he was sorry, he wouldn’t turn it on you.

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Follow your gut, it’s always right.

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No way in hell… he’s the one to break up the family when he did what he did. Believe me once a snake always a snake. He wants to be in his baby’s life that’s fine I wouldn’t hold that from him and I would be cordial with him but as far as getting back together no way. You deserve better.

All I can say is that you deserve better and most times they don’t Change… if he couldn’t prove it to you before whats going to change to prove that he can be the type of man/ father you both need … some people get back together and it just goes back to the same way it was …

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only you can make this decision. Write down everything, good & bad that went on between you, Wait about a month than read what you wrote, You will understand just why it didn’t work so great the first time

Girl fuck that. Hes gone for a reason.

I have been in the exact sounding situation, but even worse! I gave chance after chance for him to change and he never did. It’s been close to 3 years ago I told him to leave ans he has basically begged me back every since. We also have a common child who he doesn’t do a single thing for let alone rarely check on him besides when he uses checking on him to tall to me. Best thing I ever did and anyone can do in the same situation, run and don’t ever look back. Best thing I could ever do for my child and me. Happy and free. So don’t go back!

I would rather be alone than with someone that lies, cheats and has no respect for me,I had an ex like that and i’m happy to say I packed his sh!t up and kicked him out! Don’t take him back! Good Luck❣️

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He has no right to say anything. He hasn’t proved anything to you except that he is disloyal, unfaithful, disrespectful and immature.It is your life you make the call but that isn’t what you want your child to learn.

He hasn’t changed if he’s calling you names and trying to “bully you back” into the relationship. If he changed he would be respectful and give you space while you processed everything. Only you can decide what you want for yourself but it doesn’t take two parents together to make a family. You’re doing no wrong to your son if you decide not to get back together


If hes guilt tripping you that’s a big red flag in all honesty your better off with out him

Sounds like he threw it away not you. Don’t let him use narcissist tactics to convince you that you’re the problem. You know you’re not.


Could you give him another chance? Yeah. Will it do any good? Probably not. Actiona speak louder that words, here. The fact that he went and did what he did tells you all you need to know.

Sounds like you already know the answer. No one here will change your mind. Big NO

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Once bitten, twice shy

No do NOT! These guys do not change! Narcissists!

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That’s gaslighting at its finest. Stay the hell away.

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And he’s saying your immature?

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First off I’m sending you and your son prayers and second DONT TAKE HIM BACK… YOU DESERVE BETTER…

He is still saying negative things to you. Been there done that one and they don’t seem to change. Eventually it turned into more of a physical problem. Don’t waste your time allowing yourself to be put in that situation. Your kids will just have a hard time when you have to leave him again anyway

Blaming you for his behavior is a giant red flag of immaturity. When I was younger I spent WAY to much time on men who promise to change. If you want to give the relationship another shot, I would ask if he’s willing to go to counseling for at least 90 days before he comes back and a year after. If he has an excuse, don’t worry about it. It would be a waste of your time.

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Like others have said, that is a narcissist gaslighting you big time. He is blaming you, telling you that you’re the reason the family isn’t together instead of taking real responsibility, working on himself and proving he has changed and should be worthy of having a family. Saying oh I’ve changed in one breath and then blaming you in the next is not change. No one deserves to be treated this way.

Once a guy cheat is always a cheater and don’t changes. I wouldn’t take him back because it will happen again and will have hard time to kick him out the next time. You’re not the one is separating the family he choose to do stupid things he lost the chance what he was suppose to do. The trust will never be the same or better. The best thing is he can have his kids visit him on certain days. Not needed to take him back at all.

Very similar situation that went on for seven years (a child was involved). It never long term changed for us! Wish I would have walked away much sooner.

There’s a reason he’s your ex. By calling you immature, he’s still being disrespectful. By telling you it’s your fault your family is broken up and trying to turn things around on you, he’s being a narcissist.


History is all you can base your future on, how dare he blame you at all, he will do it again! You do not need him by all means his child will need to see dad but only if he can behave like dad.
You’ve got freedom, you now make the rules he has to learn to follow them.
Get some friends or family you do not need him in your life. You

Hun by the sounds of it he ain’t changed at all run while U can

I wouldn’t do it. He hasn’t done anything to show you that he has changed

You wouldn’t try to put your poop back into your butt?

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So sorry ! I hate this for you . However , he won’t change chances are . And how are you to trust him ? Most of the time , once a liar always a liar . Let bygones be bygones . Be very careful who you choose next time . Date a LONG time and watch those red flags :triangular_flag_on_post:! They are there to teach you to stay away from those type of men .

Nonononononono! Don’t put yourself and your child back into that mess.


Girl move on with your life and leave that fool alone. You already know what it’s heading for if you take him back. He’s NOT going to stop cheating but he WILL get better at cheating. He will be more careful not to get caught. Just remember that you deserve better.

That’s a big nope,He’s a dirt bag! Stand your ground!

You asked him to
Leave for a reason, if he really wanted you back he wouldn’t be saying things like your immature, your not choosing to throw your family away your teaching your son that a woman doesn’t deserve to be treated like you have been, if he was serious about your relationship he wouldn’t of been talking to or sleeping with other woman after only two days.

I believe once a cheater always a cheater. That’s just me I don’t give second chances. I feel it didn’t work for a reason so it won’t work. I know so many people that been back and forth 10 times to the point where it gone so bad. It’s really up to you. Once you go back you have to realize u have to forget and forgive everhtnjng from the past and move on never bring it up again.

Maybe in a year or two if he shows progress but not until then, he hasn’t changed in such little time but do not waste your time by waiting, move on and if it’s meant to be then it will happen when the time is right.

After everything he’s said & done, you question whether to take him back? Really!!!

He’s trying to manipulate u by saying those things. So that would be a big hell no from me. He hasn’t changed.


My advice, remember why you broke up in the first place. People generally do not change.

Don’t do it, I know easier said than done I been in this same situation a few times and wound up taking him back knowing I shouldn’t have but did and wound up broken all over again… they don’t change maybe for a couple days but it doesn’t last