My ex is begging me to take him back but I don't know what to do: Advice?

Has he put actual time and effort into showing you he’s grown up. Is he asking what you need for yourself and your kid. Has he asked you on a date (just the two of you or as a family). Has he gotten a job and pays he’s bills. Is he’s being respectful.

Honestly it doesn’t sound like he’s interested he just wants to drag you back down to where you were. If a guy actually wants you an has actually changed they will ‘prove’ it to you and show that they can do their job of taking care of themselves, you and your child.

So he’s belittling you in attempt that his emotionally abusive technique will win you back. Tell him no means no. Stick to it. Don’t talk to him at all unless you have a court custody order. Then only talk about baby. Once the conservation turns away the conservation is over.

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He’s an ex for a reason and it sounds like damn good reasons too. Just the fact that he’s telling you you’re immature and that you’re throwing away your family because he can’t have what he wants should tell you he hasn’t changed. Also make sure to tell him you didn’t throw your family away he did when he acted the he did. Find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Also take a screenshot of these responses and show him just how many women wouldn’t take back his emotionally abusive ass!

Don’t do it, they don’t change, the disrespect will get worse and he will do it again. The fact that he is calling you ‘immature’ because you want to protect yourself and your son from heartbreak says alot. You got this :two_hearts:

You asking the question is a red flag. You collected red flags before and you asked him to leave. Think about what he did when you were together how he made you feel. Do you really want to feel like that for years. Thats a full time job on top of the full time job you already have as a mother. Don’t settle. You know who you deserve and how you should be spoken to. Your son will understand when hes older that you decided that your self worth was just as important as he is.

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He will ask nicely. Then he will start to harass you. Watch your house follow you when you go anywhere. Spy on you. Stick to your guns! I spent 15 yrs with my ex. When he left it took 3yrs before he would stop harassing me. Even after the divorce. If you take him back you will be miserable. Trust me.

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Calling you immature for not taking him back after cheating on you and not taking care of you and his son? It didn’t work out with him and the other women so he thinks you’ll be stupid enough to fall for his BS because you’ve done it before. He’s playing you until he finds other flings. Be smart.

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He wants to get back with you so he doesn’t have to pay child support or take care of himself or parent his child. He doesn’t love you or his kid, or responsibilities. I’m sorry. Hope you find someone more worthy of your beautiful self. Keep the rat out of the house.

Say goodbye. Theyre an ex for a reason!

He showed you the 1st time who he truly was. Leopards don’t change their spots. They get new ones. Move on. Run. U need a man that love, respect & treat u the way you should be treated

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Keep moving girl! You are worth so much more. Sounds like you have him plenty of chances, time to be done.

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He’s gaslighting you. Keep moving forward. It’s harder but it’s much harder going backwards and finding yourself right back where you were. He already showed you who he was; believe him.

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You have to many bad memories keep moving No need for Toxic People in your Life Take it from someone who had a Toxic Relationship

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Everytime you think that you should give him another chance, read what you just wrote. Its the best reminder ever. :wink:

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Taking back somebody that made you sad is like tasting sour milk again, and thinking it will taste better the second time.

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Read your posting! You already know what to do !!

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Tell him you are looking forward to life without his BS

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Run honey. Don’t look back.

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Do you ever get trash back out of the trash can ?

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My ex said the same things. Always acting like i was trowing our family away when he was the one banging/talking to other girls. Guilted me into taking him back to just repeat himself. I kicked him out. Took him to court for our son. Never been happier. You can find better. :heart:

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“run to the hills…run for your life!” #ironmaiden it’s good advice doll… I’ve been there,best thing I did for my children and myself was tell him to leave … Now we’re doing amazing and he’s in a different country doing good knows what and I couldn’t be happier :heart: I have an amazing partner and a blended family so in the end it all worked out…it will for you too! :heart:

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Oh honey please don’t take him back. He isn’t taking responsibility for the last time you had to make him leave. He has alot of growing up to do. You are strong you can do this, there is someone out there that will love you & make you feel loved. Good luck​:v::heart:

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The words “not looking forward” and “just give him another chance” is so insensitive coming from the person who proved that you and your child’s feelings never came first. Healing doesn’t have a time stamp, and his actions to rush your healing from the things he’s done doesn’t sound remorseful. Actions will forever speak louder than words. Allow yourself to heal, spend extra QT with your child, and love yourself more than ever. If he doesn’t compliment your life after all of this, you’ll know. Happiness is yours to have, don’t let anyone rob that from you. You got this❤️

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It sounds like he’s really childish and isn’t mature at all. My ex did these things and I was never happier than the day I left. I cried because I still loved him but I knew I needed to value myself more. He only tried to keep me around so I wouldn’t put him on child support. Now that he is on it, he’s bitter and takes it out on our son. But it’s not worth it to stay where you are not wanted and all of that drama is not worth your time.

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In my experience men like him dont change well not for long anyway. They know all the right things to say to weasel their way back in. Once back in they might change for a couple weeks or months but always return to.old habits. Be strong you and your son deserve a better man in your lives.

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You matter! Stay strong! You deserve better! You deserve someone will will love you, respect you , not lie to you & treat you like an equal!
Move on. Work hard & make something of yourself!
The REAL men will flock to you! Be picky! Don’t let your child watch you be treated that way & think that’s ok!

Why did it take you leaving to start "changing "
Thats something he should have done before leaving him, not after.
You are better off without him.
If he was a good man, he wouldn’t have done any of that to begin with.

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Tell him that you’re not focusing on the past because his actions haven’t changed which makes it the present and for all you know the future as well. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby and if being together is going to be constant fights and problems then it’s not healthy to be together and it’s better for your baby in the long run to see his parents separated than to be miserable together because you are your child’s example of love and if he doesn’t see the right way to treat a woman or be treated by a woman then he won’t be able to have a healthy relationship himself when he’s older.

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Men don’t change and I know a woman who stayed with a man just for the kids, she’s very unhappy, but now she feels stuck because they have been together so long… Listen be a single mom and focus on you and your baby for now. Mr. do you right will come along… I had the same issue with my son’s father… Needless to say I left him and now I have the man of my dreams(took 6 years to find him) and my son has the father he deserves, and we gained sister :heart_eyes::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

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Girl focus on your son and you. Pray about it. Pray that God will bring the right man for you . (If you’re Christian) other than that, you deserve a whole lot better than that. Do whats best for you.

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Says he’s changed but still disrespecting you by calling you immature and guilt tripping you into being with him?? Therefore, not a changed man at all?!

I also get the impression he jumped into someone else’s bed waaay before you kicked him out.

In my opinion, you already are looking forward. It just doesn’t include him and his little ego can’t stand that. Leave him in the past and find someone who can treat you how you deserve to be treated. Its an important lesson to teach our kids too. You’re not the one who separated the family… his inability to keep it in his pants and treat you with respect is what separated your family and don’t you ever be afraid to tell him exactly that. Goodluck :heart:

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If you are even slightly considering getting back with him see a therapist first.
Sounds like he’s just used to doing what he wants and getting what he wants and is currently lonely and needing attention and the fact that he is being rude to you about not giving him another chance when he was the problem shows a HUGE red flag.
He needs growth and counseling and sounds like you already know the best possible decision for you and your family which is keeping away from this guy. Not an easy decision but later on you’ll realize how horrible your life would be if you chose him.
If he was actually a good guy he’d be respectful of your decision, taking responsibility and doing everything he could to support you and his child without getting anything in return.
Those “little off instances” will turn into huge horrible situations later on, stuff like that just escalates.

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H is not loyal and will never be. Men like him can not be alone and I’m sorry but this is why he wants you back. It sounds to me from what I read you are much better off without him and on your own. Don’t let him take that away from you by getting back together with him. You will very quickly once again be trapped in a horrible relationship and be down on yourself for it. No one should ever settle for being treated that way and would you want your child to grow up thinking that’s how it is supposed to be? Your fine hon…stay that way!!

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Dont take him back I promise you will regret it. It will seem ok at first like hes changed then he will revert back to his old ways only worse cause he knows he can disrespect you and get away with it

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Please dont… If your thinking about it please give it 5years of thought 1st!! I did that once then wished so much id just listened! My son didnt need him back and gone again either xx Good luck best wishes!

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It sounds like you are better off without him. Don’t get back together with him for the sake of your child as old problems will still be there and you will end up where you were. Only get back together with him if it is because YOU want to get back with him. Trust your gut though, if you feel sick thinking about getting back with him then don’t do it.

He’s just trying to manipulate you by making it like it’s your own fault. If he was really sorry he would tell you to have as much time as you need and he wouldn’t ever try to manipulate you into getting back with him like how he is. Do not get back with him. He hasn’t changed one bit.

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Believe me… Once you do take him back… Ul see the old ways back to… His just telling you what you want to hear so ul fall for it… Please don’t

Solely based off of just your post it sounds like he was extremely immature throughout your relationship with him and now that you have moved forward without him he is manipulating you into taking him back but he is still being a jerk by blaming you for his shortcomings. My best advice is keep moving forward without him he will not “change” or “grow up” considering that he is still playing games. Let him go!

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This is what you tell him… I’m over what happened in the past it does not affect me. But I am looking for a better future and that does not include us being together especially if you are going to be blaming me for your mistakes iv learned my lesson the first time and I waited patiently for you to change and to show me you can be faithful but it never happened. You can see our son on your days and we can co-parent civilly and that’s it … He doesn’t deserve you and he will continue to manipulate you and the the things he wants because he knows you will give in in the end

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What’s the saying…leopards don’t change their spots? Don’t let him manipulate you. He wasn’t helpful and he was disrespectful. Seems to me those are things that will happen again.

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Its gaslighting dear! I dated my last ex for a year or so with him pulling this crap! He’d cheat get caught then cry that he’d change but he didn’t so i made him a fwb for around 4 years but when it finally got thru his thick skull that I would never relationship him again even with me constantly telling him thru the years he became verbally abusive then started immediately dating

How do you know that he’s not using you as a past fling to “catch up”? Your family is you and your child. The fact that he did all that stuff before doesn’t mean that he won’t do it again. He didn’t really care about his family when he slept with someone 2 days after you broke up. He’s only changed to get you back but will go back to his old ways. Don’t do it! Your responible for your child not him.

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Honestly my partner use to be like that, we broke up for a bit. He messaged me one day saying he changed and everything. I knew people he had on his stuff and I learnt that he actually started trying to be better.
I took him back, he is so dedicated to the kids and I. He helps without asking, we do family sharing on our iPhones so all our social media accounts and music and stuff is all linked. So even if I doubted him I could check, but tbh I couldn’t tell you the last time I checked because I am beginning to trust him again.

We do argue a lot but we have been working on that. By taking breaths and talking calmly to each other expressing ourselves.

I have a different opinion then everyone because I’m through the same thing except my partner never slept with girls just convos.

If you don’t want to that’s okay, I am all about trying to be a family and fighting for your relationship with your children’s parent. But not everyone feels that way, we try to fix things to be healthier, we go to counselling, we go on date nights, we don’t hide anything from each other, we learn to communicate!

If you and him want to that’s okay, it’s really nobodies business. If you don’t that’s okay too!

There are ways you can slowly build a relationship again with him, you don’t have to rush back into things.

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This sounds like what i grew up with. Trust me its best to walk away sooner then later. Think of it this way, your going to heal quicker the faster you get it over with the sooner the pain will be done.

Turn his words on mute and just watch his actions.

He will show you exactly who he is

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Same comment I made on the other post saying the same thing…

He’s gaslighting you. You and your child deserve better. You deserve a healthier relationship and your child deserves to have a better example set for him. If I were you, I’d run far and fast. Don’t ever look back to that trash of a “man”.

Head up. You are worth so much more!

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Doesn’t sound like you want to give him a second chance, more like he’s just nagging you into it. You’ve been brave starting again, keep going!

How do y’all know he hasn’t changed? I give two or three I give whole bunch of chances. People do change, I believe you should just give him give him another chance.

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Look up covert narcissism. If the shoe fits, look up hoovering

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Re read what you posted. You know what you need to do. You really answered your own question…what if this a friend who posted this??

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In my experience leopards dont change their spots

Run and don’t look back in my opinion :bangbang::bangbang::bangbang::bangbang:

Sounds like you both are young… It could work if you both REALLY want it to … I wish the best for you and your family❤️

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So he insulted you when trying to get you back? Nah. You did the right thing.

Don’t take him back. He will not change. Tell him to KICK ROCKS!

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If he grew, he wouldn’t be trying to manipulate you. Do you darling

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Sounds exactly like my ex! First time i left him constant harrassment wore me down and i went back 4 years later he walks out for another woman( a friend of mine) only to come back two weeks later with the begging and hes changed the usual shit these type of childmen spout and i decided no not anymore and that was that… honestly finally deciding to leave was the best thing ive ever done! I look after myself and my daughter and live my life in peace without him! You can do this babe!

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He chose to throw your family away. Not you.

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He is trying to manipulate you. I wouldn’t go back.

Ignore him. He’s lying to get control back.
Keep moving on.

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Save yourself wasted yrs. Run now. Been there, done that.

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Don’t take him back ! He won’t change .

Sounds like he just needs a place to stay

Gaslighting. Run for the hills. Sounds like a master manipulator.

“But I dont want to” END OF STORY. You don’t want to so fuck em!

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No away in hell if I were you to take your ex boyfriend back better think long hard be for excepting him in your life

I will say run as far as possible

Girl no it’s time to close that chapter in your life

Hes a looser get rid x

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Um no don’t take him back. Sounds like narcissistic behavior. My ex husband had no problem throwing 4 years of marriage down the drain when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter(our second child) bc he wasn’t ready to grow up and have a family. He will not change. He will continue what he’s doing and just get better at lying about it. I was young and a dummy and fell for it every time he came crawling back. Finally I got fead up, started saving money and we have been separated three years. Couldn’t be happier.

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He is an ex for a reason! You gotta think more of yourself. Don’t take this jackass back!!! Love you and your son and please learn from your mistakes with this thing. Praying that you stay with you and your son! God will send you the right one who will love you and your son the way that you deserve.Be patient but let the loser stay where his ass is. Be strong!!! Praying that you make a good decision

Getting back with an ex is like trying to shove sh!t back into your butthole. It is not only going to be nasty and unhealthy it will be uncomfortable and stressful. Flush him.

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Hes already done those things to you so why even think about it twice? That dudes a twat forget him

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Kick him to the curb. Once a cheater always a cheater.

Ur not immature for doing whats best for u and ur child. Keep away from the loser.

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Never go backwards !!! Move forward!!!

Don’t take him back.

So if you call him a stupid mf and his mom a feral swine , both to ignorant to live, then you slept with a couple guys today and told him about it, :thinking:would he be mad / angry / done with you or would he be focusing on the past and not looking towards the future/ throwing family away? Would he owe you forgiveness?
He threw you are the relationship away , you not acting like a doormat for him to keep walking all over, is called maintaining boundaries.
His attempts to manipulate you, blame you demonstrate that he hasn’t changed and he is still no good.
Read Emotional Blackmail, you will see he is a textbook manipulator

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Taking an ex back is like retrieving a turd you flushed then sticking it back up your butt. Sure, it’s familiar to you and you probably spent a long time getting to know it and making memories with it. But it’s still a turd. You flushed it for a reason. Let that shit go and don’t forget to wipe.

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He has found a way to repeatedly disrespect you and then turn it back around on you and say that it’s your fault for not taking him back. Run in the opposite direction.

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Do not take him back. He will not change. He’s been sleeping with others and he will not change. He will just mess up your life. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He will not change.

Sweety, he’s trying to guilt you into taking him back. He’s still a POS. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve. :purple_heart:

Typical narcissist, blaming you for what he’s done. From my own personal experience, I wouldn’t go back. There are consequences to his behavior and losing his family is just that. It is NOT your fault. It is his. And the fact that he cannot acknowledge that means he has not changed. And you deserve better than that! :heart:

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It sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind. Trust your instincts.

Once a liar/cheater, always a liar/ cheater

I wouldnt. Within days and hours of him leaving he was sleeping with other women… he has no respect for your relationship, you cant force him to have respect, thats sonething that comes from within. You did the right thing. If he truely is sorry he wouldnt be belittling your feelings and sleeping around. Actions speak louder than words.
What if he got an std?
What if he got someone pregnant?
Your mental state as a mother is extremely effected by negative behavior like this, its difficult being a mom already wothout added stress of a manchild that doesnt help in the home and constantly looking for physical validation from other women. He is the problem, he has issues within himself that only he can fix, you and his kid will never be able to fix him, onoy he can do that. Its called maturity.

He treated you like crap. That’s not something you or a child should deal with or be around. He’s toxic and fuck what anyone else says. You take care of you and your child. Whatever that means for you and your situation. Don’t let anyone guilt you into taking back someone that is toxic.

Sounds like he learned from you being separated. Learned he could blame you for his problems.

He’s trying to trick you. Don’t believe any thing he says. Once a cheater always a cheater. I’ve been through that before. They will change for a while . But once they are use to being back they go back to their old ways. Make agood life for you and your baby.

The Joy’s of dealing with a narcissist.
Do. Not. Do. It.
If he’s already trying to manipulate you to get back together and trying to make you feel low because of it then it’ll just get worse if you allow him back.

He called you immature because he messed up
He’s slimy

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I guess his other “relationships” didn’t pan out and he’s trying to use you as a fallback until he finds someone else. Been there, done that. Don’t do it. And file for child support.

This guy is bleeding you dry “literally” if you know what I mean. You wasting so much of your time with this narristic asshole you can find someone else even with a child.

Why no Male replies? Is it cause ya’ll know the truth ? Don’t believe him. If he is sincere he will get hisself in gear and show you he has changed and really wants you and his child back instead of turning it around on you and sleeping with whoever is on hand. Make him prove it first.

He’s just trying to guilt you to take him back my ex is doing the same to me

Sounds like you need to let him go he’ll get over it …no one is perfect and I’m sure its different from his perspective I noticed you he left and you made him leave so it wasn’t his choice …I myself have been in this position where I told the truth and got accused of cheating and got kicked out cops called ect just for talking to friends girl or guy …in my eyes lying saved all the drama also it was quite evident that I had no time for anyone else… or money like it was bluntly obvious she was either quilty conscious or over clingy becuase I never did the shit she did like demand her phone her money things like that and if I did she would throw a big huge fit never let me see it and just act hypocritical so thier is 2 sides to every story I gave up …even tho I want my family …I’m not gonna put my kids through it and myself ever again because knowing that what I did should have never started a fight knowing I wasn’t in the wrong the first time she asked and I was truthful showed me it was worth lying to save her bullshit jealousy clingy possessive crap and I figured out that she was just that crap like 5 minutes ago her son who I’m adopting wanted to talk to her but she won’t answer …this kid isnt biological to me hes mine but that should tell you people have reasons so I say let the whole relationship go and get along for the kids and make good decisions

Coming from someone who knows after going back to my ex, I would definitely ask is it worth it? I was with my ex for 4 years he had cheated on me multiple times and on one occasion with my best friend, he was always lying and very manipulative and controlling! One day I left and It felt great until he started massaging and phoning 100 times a day wanting me back swore he would change! After 8 months we got back together but I couldn’t get over what he had done which didnt help it then 2 months down the line I find out hes up to his old tricks sleeping with the woman 2 doors away from us! Safe to say I left his ass and I’ve never looked back!
The way I see it all the shit he done before is still going to be there so its down to you if you can forgive and forget and if you honestly believe he will change! Sounds to me though like hes still got that control over you making out its tour fault! Emotional black mail huni

From my personnel experience, don’t take him back! People don’t change, and it is always worse, when they come back. What you see, is what you get basically! Tell him to move on with his life, and that you like things the way they are right now, and go on about your business.