I have called off our relationship, been together for 10 years. I called it off in June but he doesn’t seem to get the message he still lives under my roof is still lives with me like we are together I’ve explained to him so many times but he always seem to think that I’m sleeping with someone else because I won’t sleep with him or I’m cheating on him how do I get it through his head he has understand that we are done. we have three kids together I’m happy to co-parent with him I love him but I’m not in love with him he seems to think that my feelings are just dropped off overnight when I’ve told him back in June that I don’t feel the same anymore and he still continues to think that there’s somebody else and your feelings cannot drop off with someone after you’ve been with them for that long I need help
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex isn't getting the message
You need to co-parent from seperate homes. 90% of the time when the seperation isn’t mutual, living together separately seems more like “on a break” rather than breaking up. While you’re living together he’s going to hold onto hope… Seperate homes will help to reiterate that the relationship isn’t working for you anymore and establish boundaries.
Went through this! He didn’t get it for MONTHS!!! But he does now, because I’m leaving. My house or not, idc! I’m leaving because this is what I want!!!
One of you needs to get a new place…you can’t expect him to fully get the message if he’s still living there…of course he’s gonna hold onto hope.
Why are you still living together? That’s probably a huge reason he won’t get the hint. Either make him move out or you move out and coparent from separate homes
Still living this life. We were together just shy of 15 years, left him 2 yeara ago and I still deal with this. Chances are he realizes what he’s doing just doesn’t care. I agree with most of the others coparenting under the same roof isn’t going to work or end well, and what happens when u do finally get to the point of dating? Can’t really bring him home ya know lol. I don’t ever send mixed signals. He knows I’m here for him I still care, just not enough to put up with any nonsense🖤 good luck ur probably in for a long road with that one…
I would move out of the house. That would driver me cazy. . I be find house now
Make a plan or timeline to begin to live separately. Begin to split up household items. Talk about a co parenting plan for the near future. Talk about it frequently so it goes into action. Since it doesn’t sound like your married, see about evicting him if necessary. Do not sleep in the same room. No affection whatsoever. Act as a roommate and fend for just yourself and the kids. He’s holding on to hope, so give him no hope. Be firm and blunt about it since this is what you truly want—he also invested this decade to being with you and the kids so try to remain calm with minimal drama in front of the kids. Be sensitive that this might be hard for your shared children. Best of luck to you.
Did you ever officially say that y’all are broken up? Because telling someone your feelings changed doesn’t mean y’all are done
Give him a 30 day notice to vacant your place and if he doesn’t then start eviction process on him. Get a lock on your bedroom door so he can’t come into your room. If he still sleeps in your room then of course he’s going to say y’all still together the same with y’all living together. The minute y’all broke up you should’ve started the process to have him leave the house doesn’t matter if there’s children involved or not he shouldn’t be in the home if y’all ain’t together. The children will feel the tension in the home and that’s not fair to them at all.
He’s not gonna get it until you make him move out…
What is wrong with people today? Back when your parents and grandparents got together, when they started a relationship, they worked to keep together. Now, the minute it gets tough, I’m not in love with my partner anymore, I need to leave. In the marriage vows, does it not say, for better or worse till death do us part? I guess it should be changed to, for the better times, the worst times we part
Stop living together
Um kick his ass out???
How do you get it through his head? Kick him out. Tf?
He need to move out then. He’s holding on to something that’s not there. If that’s your house make it yours. Or maybe even you find something new. Either way if your separated you actually have to seperate. No matter what someone is going to be stuck in their feelings and by the sounds of it it’s him, he can’t just turn them off (rightfully) you being around him everyday isn’t going to help.
One of you needs to move out!
Tell him you can’t be cheating as you’re not together
Time for you guys to stop living together
Move out or have him evicted… you can’t get through to him as long as you keep living the same life.
Then move out. Something has to give, if you’re not going to kick him out and his controlling behaviour continues on then you need to leave. The moment you guys were finished someone should have left.
If your married get a divorce if your not go to the court house and get an eviction to him… That’s all you can do for now.
If you split up with him and hes not getting the picture then its time to get a place of your own. The living eating being with eachother all day every day is giving him mixed signals. If yall are split then split.
He needs to move out. He won’t begin to move on until he does. Especially if you already have.
Well you’re kinda leading him on. Its your house? Tell him to move.
Move out or have him move you guys are still living together so in his mind ypu are still together.
He’s just using the excuse that your feelings have dropped off overnight because he’s in a very comfortable position. In fact even if you did lose feelings for him overnight it’s time for him to move on. Give him a deadline and get some boxes and help him pack. If not you may have to get a lawyer to have him removed. Nothing worse than living with a man you have fallen out of love with, it only gets worse with time.
I had an ex like that.i finally had to kick him out & get a restraining order!
Uh continuing to live with him is probably why he “won’t get the message”.
i am in the same situation. I am trying my hardest not to make it ugly in front of my baby by getting courts involved but he is pushing me to do it that way. Mines tells me i am taking his son from him cause i ask him to leave cause i am done of being unhappy and i tell him all the time we can co parent but he doesn’t want that. I know the feeling way to well
Kicking him out should help clarify things for him
Everyone has different ideas on how to split up but if you keep the best interest of your children at the forefront the rest you’ll figure out in time
Umm, kick him out and he will get the point. I wouldn’t allow someone i has just broken up with to reman in my house, much less my bedroom. No wonder he doesn’t get it
Get him out of your house.
I did this back in Dec 2019. We continued to live together until about a month ago. Still did the same things a couple does. I still didn’t talk to anyone or go on dates or anything. He moved out late one night, moved in with someone else like 3 days later. It was like a slap in the face even though we weren’t “together” it still hurts sometimes even though I literally am grossed out at the thought of being with him intimately or anything. I would either move or make him leave asap. It just gets harder/worst. Don’t wait.
Someone needs to move out then untill then he will try to make it work.
If its your house give him an legal eviction notice. If its his house you can move. And get a restraining order.
Don’t let him stay with you tell him it’s over and get out but I would do it in your own words or maybe you need to be mean this time about it
Go to counseling. Go first then ask him to if he says no he doesn’t want to work on it
Give him a certain amount of time (60 days maybe) to move out. He will not get it and move on until he moves out. Period.
He needs to leave. Tell him to pack his stuff and go.
If y’all have been together for 10yrs it’s not YOUR house and he legally doesn’t have to leave.
Following, since I’m in the same situation. I hope that things work out for you
I would suggest proceeding with caution if he hasn’t accepted the relationship being over. Only you know how he may react if his hand is forced, sort of speak.
It sounds like he’s still hopeful, and hasn’t accepted the relationship ending.
He hasn’t ever been with a man obviously. Feelings don’t just stop. It’s after months of begging and pleading for a man to change and treat you with respect. It’s after months of tears and sleepless nights. It’s months of watching him not care. Months, even years. I am willing to bet money you tried to communicate with him, you tried to beg him and he refused to get it together. Men don’t understand that part. That you’ll beg them for months and warn them and when you finally stop, they think everything is fine and then you “left out of nowhere”.
My ex husband did this exact thing to me after giving birth to our second child. Suddenly out of nowhere he told me he didn’t love me and to get out. I thought he was joking because I did nothing wrong and our relationship was good…so I thought. I did everything for that man. He had it good. Come to find out he was cheating on me with his coworker. And wanted to be with her. So he was rushing to get me out of the house suddenly. Sounds all WAY too familiar but a female version super creepy! Lol
If you rent this’ll be up to the landlord. If both names are on ownership of house, you’ll have to take it to court. If your name is on it and he collects mail there, you need to legally evict or you may face legal action against you. If his name is on it, then you’re the one that has to move
If you are done, then be done. If you are married then start the divorce proceedings, if you are just living together, then follow the protocol and have him evicted if it’s your place. If it’s his place, pack your shit and get out. Right now all you are doing is playing house and confusing the kids even more than they already are. By allowing him to continue living there, the waters are muddied.
There’s a lot of information missing that involve in the solution. Are you married? Do you own your home or are you renting? If you own is it owned jointly? The solution isn’t as easy as these judgemental people think. Without knowing the details of your living arrangement I’d say first contact s DV agency. They can give you advise. He may not be physically abusive but he’s controlling you by not accepting that the relationship is over. That’s abuse. Make sure you have texts telling him it’s over. Screenshot & save those. File for child support & custody. Let it go to court, don’t agree to an amount out if court. Tell the judge you need him gone. Maybe s/he can help you. That’s all I got. I know how hard it is to get someone out of your house. You can’t legally just kick them out. If they’re enjoying the control & you supporting him he can stay forever. I had to move out 9 mos pregnant. It caused me an eviction of an apartment I wasn’t even living in. He also put utilities back in my name which I had to pay.