My husband and I separated back in August of last year. Well, our kids stayed with him due to my work schedule and not wanting to take them out of their school. I have since gotten my own place and have been having them stay the night on my days off. I am currently working two jobs to make ends meet, paying child support and such. Well, I brought up that I’d like to start getting some nights where I drop them back off instead of them staying over so I can either have a 'date night or just some me-time. He made it seem like I would be a horrible mother for doing so. Saying that it wasn’t fair to the boys. Am I a bad mom for wanting just a little time for either myself or trying to meet someone?
Hes just being an ass. EVERY mother needs a break.
No you are not. He is being stupid.
nope. if having a rest or me time helps you recharge and prevents you from having a break down or melt down and to keep ypu sane there is nothing wrong with that. Just dont tell him your personal business anymore. You dont need to explain anything to him. you dont owe him anything.
40+ years ago. My ex did the same thing! He wanted me to keep our boys Every weekend; from Friday night through Sunday night. It was His way of still trying to control me.
I’d say it depends on how often he has to kids compared to you. Like if he has them 5 days and you only 2 then I could understand why he would be annoyed.
No your not a bad mother every.mother needs a break good grief how r u supposed to move on if your constantly with your kids. Your husband is being unreasonable. You have to decide what days u want your kids with him and stick to it. Joint custody ect. Do u have a lawyer? If not.get one if u can and work out visitation times, good luck
Wait a minute… If the shoes were reversed, would the dad be an ass to request he don’t have his kids on a weekend so he can have him time or go on a date??
If he’s with them 5 nights a week & you only have em over on the weekends then it is pretty selfish. He needs a break too & the kids need their mom. But if you are already seeing them all week or having them stay the night on other nights there’s nothing wrong with taking a night off once in a while.
How many times a week do you have them? You want to now NOT have your kids stay the night bcz you need you time? A date time? That’s touchy! Some sacrifice for our kids. He has custody as it is and you want more you time? Whew. All I can think of is how those kids feel when mom doesn’t want them to stay the night when they probably are so excited to see their mother!
You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first
Thank God you left him he sounds like such an ass
No you are not a bad mother
I’m all for having personal time but if you only have them some of the time now, not having them to go out on additional days seems somewhat hard on kids that don’t see you all the time now. I’ve been a single parent to kids that are grown now since they were babies and MY time was on scheduled custody days only. I worked full time and for four years went to college. Fun days were limited but I knew that going in. They didn’t ask to be here. We owe them more than date night, sorry.
So…meeting someone new takes precedence over spending more time with your kids? Priorities?
Personally your free nights should be with your kids not for “dates”. Kids should always come first. Seems your work and dates are priority reading this.
I wouldn’t of told him any reason why your not with him any longer so conversations should be kids only n if he ask well your hours are on a standby /on call those days/ nites! You don’t owe him any explanations hunny
Reverse the role and figure out how you would perceive it coming from his end… that’s the only way you will be able to justify this. You’re gonna catch flack from both sides of the coin but you can figure this one out without all of these opinions
She’s not saying she doesn’t want to see her kids she’s asking if it would be ok on the days she has them if instead of staying the night maybe they can go home and she can get a night to relax
It sounds like you already barely have them…now you want them less? Um that speaks for itself I guess
I think if your still trying to get your life together then you probably should not be shifting the kids away from you for a date night. Kids first come first.
And it sounds like if he has them most of the time then your already getting plenty of you time. He is the one with no time to himself.
Why would u want to meet someone else if you dont even have enough time for your kids ?
I’m sorry but this might sound cruel but I feel it’s very selfish you dont want them so you can date. I have the same issue but in reverse. My son rarely saw his dad the past 18 months as his new life was more important. Never should a child come second! I work 2 jobs. Have raised him alone for 7 years and date night, what’s that?
Let me get this right Dad has the kids 5 days 5 nights . Mum has the kids 2 nights & she doesn’t want the kids to stay 2 nights because she wants time to herself so she can meet men WOW . I can see why they divorced .
Yes you’re a bad mom, you barely have the kids as it is and you want less time ? Smh if you were a man ALLLLLL these woman would be attacking you !
You’re not a bad mother. But keep them when you are supposed to. If you have to get a sitter (someone you know of course) for a few hours
You gotta finagle me time on them days you don’t have the kids… I understand you work 2 jobs also… They don’t live with you right now… You should have room for some me time already… Look for a better paying 1 job, try to schedule your off days from both jobs on same day… Cuz right now you dont have time for nothing but them children.
Well kids are 24/7 when you had kids nobody said they’d watch them for you thats both of your responsibilities …you both had them its a shared responsibility but to push it all off on him …not right 50/50
Maybe every other weekend and a couple days during the off week
It sounds like she’s either working nights or has the children. So her children are there every time she has a night off. I don’t think she’s being unreasonable to suggest that when she’s off, on occasion, she drops them back off with Dad before bedtime.
That’s what abusers do. They grasp at ANYTHING they can to make you feel bad.
If you only have them two nights a week as your visitation, and you want to drop them off early so you can go on date then I would consider that selfish. You need to find a job that better meets your needs financially, so that you don’t spend five days working two different shifts each day…what is your priority? Your kids, your job, dates?
Wouldn’t it make sense if they still stayed at yours you get a babysitter and go out after there asleep for a few hours…everyone is happy you get some me time kids get the usual mum time and dad can’t really say much as they’d be asleep when you we’re on your date xx
What’s free time? If you have 2 jobs and kids that’s few and far between.
Yes, you are a horrible mom. If you put more importance on meeting a man or time to yourself than on your children, YOU ARE A BAD MOM!
Asking an ex for ‘me time’ or especially a date night probably will never go well.
Wow! Some People are mean. Nobody can really understand your situation unless they know both you and your ex. Talk to close friends and family members and pray about it. That’s the best way to figure out what’s best for you and your children
Your kids should be your priority especially if they live with him most of the time. Maybe once a month for a date, but they should come first.
Looking back as a mom of 3 grown children, I think taking time for yourself is also a priority!! She’s not saying her children aren’t important or she doesn’t love them, she’s just asking for a little bit of "me time"🤷🤷
Yes sorry if your stable enough to have two jobs and a place of your own and yet you give your kids to their dad you are a bad mom…period
Those without sin cast the first stone. Maybe you should let them just stay with their dad until you evaluate your life. Just remember that kids grow up fast and they know who was there for them. Just do right by your kids even if it means dad is the best situation.
Umm yeah Id look at you funny too. You already only have them a short period of time.
And if you’re paying child support it looks like the courts are involved not that you willingly let them stay with him why you I worked two jobs… I can’t believe you would even post this asking these questions good grief get your s*** together
Where did y’all get that she only has them 2 night and the dad has them 5? She said “they stay over on my off days” ??
Hmm RED FLAG is he has more custody, its VERY difficult for the mom to not have them, so somethings wrong there. She could’ve easily found a place near their school. Not buying this ‘Pity’ story…
Baby sitter? Family member? Adjust second job schedule? If the children with him fulltime, couldn’t he feel the same way as for as self time or date night? Just ways to go about it without your kids feeling like the time they have is lessen.
So you’d rather find a new bloke than spend more time with your children that you don’t see much of anymore. Wow
Wow so much negative comments in a pandemic where she suppose to get a better paying job she working two jobs to pay her bills and child support… she also has a life and needs I’m sure the ex already has someone what is selfish about her wanting a little time for herself
THEIR your kids. YOU brought them into the world, when your job is done, then it’s ME time. #jmo
Un my opinion its selfish you hardly have them as it is.
He’s a jelous Idiot - pay him no mind
Have date nights or days when you don’t have your kids
You have you time every day your kids are with their father. From the sounds of it you have a lot of “me time” away from your children.
No. Dads who don’t have custody always have “me” time. Dont ever let anyone tell u you’re a bad mom.
You only have them for visitation and you want more time away from them? Dont even bother being a mom. Just let the dad have them the whole time since you obviously think you are more important than they are.
Not a good idea you could have it where they hate you. To much time with out you as it’s is then the split yeah no
Working two jobs in this current economy can be emotionally and physically taxing. Never feel bad for needing time for yourself. Sounds like you’ve come a long way from Aug of last year. Your ex probably doesn’t want to hear about you needing time for yourself or that you want to date. Get a baby sitter for a couple hours. Come home to your kiddos and stop asking your ex for help. He won’t be understanding.
Prioritising meeting a man instead of spending valuable time with your children, which is already minimal, is terrible. Sorry but pull your head in and focus on your children!
F these folks. Get you some me time.
Maybe have them for nights on your work days so you can occasionally have your day off yo get other stuff done.
I personally wouldn’t give up what little time I have with them for dating or me time . You only get them on your days off. You’ll have lots of me time when they get older. Then you’ll miss spending time with them . They will be off in the world and have their own life .
Girl don’t study these people who saying u selfish because they would do the same thing if it were them I’m separated 5yrs now and just like u my kids stayed with their father and stepmother because I worked shift and couldn’t afford a babysitter I made all the time for them and if I went on a date or have dinner with my best friend he would tell my kids I didn’t want them and mind u I worked Monday to Saturday and only had Sunday off I spent all day Sunday with them and he would pick them up around 8pm after they left I would go out for a hr or two and god help me if I posted a pic he would full the kids head with all kind of negative stuff that’s how they are
Let’s see this in the other way, my ex husband take our kid to his house every time that he wants or can and if he have a date he pay a babysitter… simple as that, if our kid is with us and my husband and we want to go out, we pay babysitter… is not about being a bad mom but you already having it really easy just paying child support… and please be careful meeting someone just after 5 months that your marriage end, you have a child and you just come out of a relationship that didn’t work… take time for yourself to grow as a woman and as a mother.
I could understand if you had them on the nights you work, but you’re pretty much saying you don’t have time to be with your kids and the little bit of “time” you do have you don’t want. Me time is nice, but if you’re getting to go home and only worry about yourself after work. That is your me time.
I won’t say your a horrible mother, but it sounds like you have all around put yourself above your children.
Yes, you’re wrong. Go on dates the other 5 nights you don’t have your kids
If he feels you are being selfish is it because he has the kids most of the time. If you only have them on your days off, enjoy that time with them, these kids will only be this age ONE time. You work 2 days a week and have days off from both jobs the same time, consider yourself lucky I know single moms with 2 jobs working 7 days a week with a dad who sees them maybe 2 times a month. talk about needing me time please
In my opinion ( because I have been there) you do deserve time for yourself but I wouldn’t exactly say that to your ex. I would just not be so forth coming with your plans,if you take time for yourself.
maybe you could get a roommate so you dont have to work so much but i wouldnt ask the ex for anything and if i were you i would change professions to make more money like a nurses aide job
Totally in the wrong. Your me times are the days you dont have them plan your shit then. Oh you work? So fucking what plan after work . Oh you have no time? Oh well tbh you should be more concerned about date nights with your children not anyone else. You shouldn’t of even asked this question
I love it when the tables have turned. Your me time is when the kids are not with you, plain and simple.
Me time is with your kids -meeting someone? Your kids should be your priority- it’s probably hard enough with the seperation
I think that one of your days off one time a month isnt selfish just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you dont get to have happyness and all of you who are saying shes selfish put yourself in her shoes some people dont have a choice in how many jobs they need especially now with covid going on plus how is it fair that her ex gets to date and move on but shes selfish for wanting to do the same one day out of the month on her day off isnt bad honestly
You have them on your days off…So, two or three times a week? And when you have them you don’t want them to stay the night? Yes. You are selfish.
I think if she wanted one day every month where she doesn’t have them so she can get some me time isn’t unreasonable. She isn’t asking for the entire day just an evening to have a somewhat social life. I think if they communicated better and tried to come up with a solution that would be best. It isn’t selfish to ask or want these things. I get it he has them most of the time and he needs time to reset, get things done or socialize too but if she’s getting them on all her days off she isnt really getting time to herself ever while he gets all her days off to himself so a little compromise would do them both well. Happy parents happy kids.
As a single father raising my son I can understand the wanting a couple of hours to yourself just to do whatever. It’s best you reach out to a family member who can keep a eye on your kids while you tek a few hours me time. As parents we all know how important me time can. It’s not that she is neglecting her kids. But me time is important as it allows us to blow of steam however you utilize it
Sounds like dad is the one who needs a break.
Kids are hard to raise on your own
But let me tell you a little story
Being a mother your priority is your children not a date night or me time.
Life is to short. Your babies are only small and only need u for so long.
You should spend as much time with them as you can you never know what could happen.
I’ve lost s child and I’m sure many others have and what we wouldnt give to have one more day with our baby one more hug one more kiss one more I love you.
But u want a date night or me time hmmm… drop a job go with the better paying job. Move closer to your children. Better yet why not u take them daily and then complain u need a date night.
This goes vice versa to mothers and fathers
One day isn’t going to kill anyone! She may burnt out working two jobs and caring for her children. The stress of the divorce i bet it still there. Having her own time to relax and think about her future isn’t a bad thing.
Lets clarify “me time”…its when your with the kids 24/7 or you work and come home to tend to the children all the time…then me time is needed. Im not sure how its needed when you dont have them often.
I say dont do it All the time but to want it occasionally its ok they do spend a lot of time away from u with work but u definatly need time for yourself and once u do meet someone mabey you wont need to work 2 jobs and u will have more. Family time
If you’re paying child support that tells me you’re getting your time. Maybe he needs his? I have two kids and I have gone somewhere twice for a couple of hours in 4 years. Does it suck, yep sometimes; but we mom up and suck it up.
YOU should be whatever kinda mom YOU want to be at the end of the day… the kids have one mom and one dad. However you choose to be seen by your kids as a parent, is SOLELY YOUR CHOICE. Choose the life that you can live with every day.
He’s doing it to make you feel guilty because he gets all his nights off and doesn’t want to give that up. My ex does the same shit. Why does your ex get a social life and you don’t?
Motherhood = Motherhood there’s no in between, you brought them into this world so take care of them, you will not forgive yourself if something bad happened to them while you’re out running around getting your “me time”. They’ll grow up soon and then you can have all the “me time” you desire. Or like they’ve mentioned above get a babysitter and do your thing but don’t put your kids aside when they’re already on a schedule to be with you.
Yes that’s unfair. To him and your children.
It’s a fact that adults need time to themselves to adult and realine. If mom or dad is are not healthy then the child rearing weakens. There’s nothing wrong with an adult night. It’s none of your ex’s business what you so on your adult time. You can sit and read a damn book in quiet or go out dancing on a date it’s nobody’s business. Nothing wrong with it in moderation. Your not being selfish at all the want or need it.
Have a date night or me time during the time you don’t have your kids. It sounds like they barely even see you and the time they do you’re looking to get rid of.
Sounds like you don’t wanna be a mom TBH. “Me me me”
Your doing a great job , but everyone gets tired and drained. We all need our “me time” doing things that make us feel good , and re charged to be a better version of us , - if we’re happy than we are better people to be around. I’M sure when you have your boys he’s doing what makes him happy. People need to get out of the old ways where women stayed home 24/7 women or parents in general need to have alone time just make sure your children are in the right care and safe. Lets face it if your happy that rubs of on your children they remember you being happy. And your also showing them that its ok for mums or dads to have me time but also let them have me time too.
Your not a bad mum your kids are not left on their own ,not in an abusive house, they have a roof over their heads ,clean clothes on their backs and food on the table and most of all a mum and dad that loves them very much.
Yes ur a selfish the dad needs a break and kids should always be with there mum don’t make an excuse about work my son is 5 and 2 daughters are 3 and 2 I go to work full time as a care worker and a single parent my mum watches my kids but every night am home to my kids so yes ur a joke I would never make an excuse about work so why don’t u step up as a mother have ur kids and give dad them a few nights get a grip of urself before ur kids hate u
You see your kids 8 days a month and you’re wanting to shorten that so you can find a boyfriend…
You want me time. Sounds like the typical selfish self centered type of “mom” who doesn’t have main custody of her kids. Me time for REAL mothers is showers and trips to grocery store alone. Does it suck? Yea. But kids come FIRST! Moms get me time back when the kids are grown. You want to act like a kid yourself and keep your you time even though those kids MISS you and NEED to spend time with their mom? You don’t deserve them!
can’t really answer this one fairly… because I’d never leave my kids… I would have found an apt in same schools and worked around work with sitter etc and that’s exactly what I did! That being said I only did the “me” time when it was exactly that “me “ time when they were with dad on his weekend or days whatever. Never if they were scheduled to be with me… nothing was more important than them… now they are grown and on their own and I have no regrets and all the time I want and then some… time goes way too fast spend those precious moments with them… they are taking everything in. No one said it’s easy and it isn’t…
Selfish. I agree with your ex husband.
Well, other parents don’t get “me time”. Me time is when the kids go to sleep . Parenting is 24/7, not only in days when you don’t have a date. You said you were separated anyway, who are you dating?
It is your responsibility to get your children when you are supposed to. It is your responsibility to provide for their needs while in your care. If you wanna go out, pay a sitter, just like parents all over the world do. It isn’t Dads responsibility to make sure you have alone time or date night. Grow up.
They are called an EX for a reason!!!
You have every right to have your own happiness!!! Do your thing!
It’s not bad to want to have your “me time”, but I would agree with your ex-husband that it’s unfair to your kids. It’s bad enough that they don’t even see you 24/7, and whatever little time you spare with them, you want to cut down too?
Your kids won’t be kids for long. In a few year’s time they’ll grow up old enough to not even want to be in your company anymore… By the time, you actually want to spend time with them, they’re probably in their puberty and wouldn’t want anything to do with you…
But if your own happiness is more important than spending what little time is left in your kids’ youth… Go right ahead.
He’s in his feelings. He see that your able to survive without him, don’t trip. He can’t handle losing control keep doing you. Make sure your kids are taken care of
Could someone please tell me what the crap “me” time is?!?! Heck I can’t even take a poop alone
Yes, definitely you ARE a selfish mother