My ex made me seem like a bad mom for having time to myself: Advice?

You would be crazy not to make me time for yourself. Me time is important to your growth. Don’t pay attention to your ex, because he’s all about himself. If he wasn’t so selfish, he wouldn’t have a problem with you enjoying yourself.

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If you’re working 2 jobs to make ends meet, I can see feeling burned out and just needing to zone out a bit or feel like you need a chance to relax. Just know your kids aren’t gonna necessarily understand that need of yours till they’re older themselves and may come to resent you or feel you just don’t want them. And I don’t know about the dad, but he may very well build onto that thought process in their minds.

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You are selfish. Your ex husband is right. You are not staying with the kids full time so when they are with their dad that is your time to do whatever…

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Wow selfish…you that is not him. He has them them most of the time and you don’t see them very much and you want time to find a boyfriend. Just wow.

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Not saying your a bad mom or anything but when you have kids there your number 1 priority you have no me time ,when you choose to have kids that me time goes out the window im just saying choose your kids

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Yes you’re selfish af I can see why you’re divorced. Wth is wrong with you? Have your “me” time the 26 days a month that you don’t have your kids!

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Sign all your parental rights to your EX! It’s obvious your too concerned of your own life & needs that your not thinking of your kids. When you have kids there no ME time. Especially when your EX has the kids majority of the time. Gosh why did you even have kids?

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Nope you are not! It is healthy and definitely needed.

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You sound pretty selfish. You only have your kids 2 nights a week and now you’re wanting “me time” work in date night on one of the other 5 days that your kids are not with you. I have to agree with their dad. That’s not fair to the kids.

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Selfish. You’re selfish. You barely see them because you’re working etc and the nights you’re not working you wanna get rid of them so you can have " me time" you’re supposed to be a mother first. Start acting like it

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I don’t think you’re selfish at all,but I don’t think it’s fair to your kids especially if they want to be with their mom.

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I don’t know how I feel about this. I’m a single mom. I work 6 nights a week. I have no dating life. But these men out her mostly aren’t even worth dating. But I have to ask how many of you are single moms that are jumping on her? She works two jobs. She pays child support. She never said she has them only two nights? Where did she say that??? Can someone show me where she said it’s only two nights, can one of you married women who have help from a husband show me where she said that? I’m not seeing it. Maybe I didn’t read all the comments. Did she say it in a comment or did cunty asshole women assume that? I don’t get me time either. I’m burned out myself and a lot of judges cunt women tell me I should go after the dad for child support but I don’t. He has a gf. She takes him on vacations. I don’t get vacations. I want me time so bad. I guess I’m selfish to. I work so much and sometimes on my nights off I don’t want to be a mom either. I guess I’m a shitbag too!!! Half of you woman have a man helping you, half of you have food stamps and other assistance and probably get losses gooses in front of your kids. I don’t think it should matter if she drops them off at bed time so she can get dick. The selfish thing to do would be to have her boys home with her while she’s bringing a new guy around. Perspective I guess I don’t know. Can’t wait to see who bashes me for my asshole comment. Just trying to be righteous like the rest of you bitches dogging her…

What do you do on the nights the kids r with their dad?

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Correct me if I’m wrong but you should have your kids unless reasonable doubt x

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Fuck dating plenty of time for that when your kids are grown up ! Be a mother first they are only kids once and for such a short time you are the definition of selfish !!!

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You can fit your love life in around your kids, if you had them at home with you, you wouldn’t have to work 2 jobs to pay child maintenance. I suggest you just have them every other weekend and let their dad raise them as you obviously don’t put them first! That way you can plan lovely weekends with your kids and spend quality time with them and yhe other weekends/all week, you can go out on dates till your heart’s content!!! At least they will have consistency in their lives with their dad who sounds amazing

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Poor kids. I bet they want there mum but you don’t seem to want them. Put them first ‘date nights’ can wait.

As input from me, you are working two jobs, not just one, making ends meet/paying child support, which means you don’t have free time. I would have those me days once or twice a month, not all the time. I have two children with my ex (who doesn’t pay child support or care), work full time, go to college, and my fiancé is currently working out of state. No Me time ever, lol. Every situation is different. Don’t be so quick to judge people.

Please consider your children first. They grow up so fast. I’m sure you don’t want to live with the regret of lost time. Please reconsider. Spend as much time with your kids as possible, because when they’re all grown up and have lives of their own, you will regret the time you had but didn’t want. Besides, “me time” doesn’t have to be a whole day. It can be an hour away to get a spa pedi or even a meal at your fave restaurant. Please don’t lose time with your kids.

Why is having “me time” and finding someone new more important than being there for your own children? All I hear is me me me…give that man a break please.

With you having to pay support and you rarely have them, it tells me you don’t have custody? You need to be with them more and find time when you don’t have them (which is a lot of the time) to go date. Kids first men last!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:me time thats funny ur a mom me time don’t exist can anyone explain to me what that is because I’m with the father to my two younger kids and I got two older ones on top of that which dad don’t exist with the two older ones except the man that stepped up and free time don’t exist over here concerning he works till dark and kids are home schooled better be thankful u got the time u have and be more thankful that u get to see them on weekends them kids need u they probably expect to see u they look forward to it I know trust me i know ur tired exhausted but that’s what being a parent is sometimes and as my parents always told me if ur talking to someone and they want u there gonna want ur kids and if not there’s ur red flag

I have my kids 7 days/nights per week and have a job!! My “me” time is at work. As a parent you arrange your life around your children not the other way about!!

Nothing, absolutely nothing, would be more important than being with my children.

Seems to me you have plenty of me time at work lol selfish woman

Uh, never before heard a mother complaining about looking after her own kids. So ll u be happy some women raising your kids their way? I m sure those kids re missing their mother’s love pls fit them in your little time you’re getting

Good morning y’all :wave:. Am not doing well for the past few weeks :disappointed:. I have been managing ever since I lost my job and I can barely last till the next month if I do not seek help at this moment . Please help me with $20. God bless

But you only have them on your nights off :thinking: sounds like you already have “me” time. You’re the one paying support

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Sounds like you get plenty of “me time” if you’re only getting them on your days off. I would want all the time I could get if I only got my kids a couple of days a week.

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No ! loving yourself doesn’t define you as a bad mom.

Unless you forget your responsibilities to your children but looks like it’s not, so cheer up :wink:

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Your kids are suppose to come before you and anyone else . So It sounds like you get enough you time :thinking:

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I’d reevaluate what your priorities are. Your kids are only little for a short while, and they need their mom. They’ve had enough trauma going through a divorce, and they really need the support of both parents.

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As a mom, I don’t understand how some can have their kids less than 50% of the time and still try to have their kids even less. Yikes. Moms don’t get time for ourselves, especially those of us who parent 100% of the time. I’d concentrate more on your kids and less on dating. They’re only kids once.

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sounds like you dont care to be a mother if the lousy little bit you get them is a problem :-1:this is coming from a single mom of 5 who would never think to give her kids up and i dont know what me time is

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I agree with the ex… you barely have your kids as it is. If you were the main custodial parent then it would be different. You should want to spend as much time as possible with your children.

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I feel like you already know this is a silly question

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You only have them part time as it is. Now you want to give up your minimal visitation for me time? Sounds like you need to grow up a bit. Your children should come first.

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I mean you have your kids less then 50% of the time and still want less? I agree with your ex. If you were the main parent then it would be different but since you say you’re paying support you obviously aren’t.

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Yea I’d be upset if I were him not to mention how would your kids feel about you asking to spend less time with them? Readjust your priorities because kids are only kids once so they deserve your time.

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If I was a part time parent, then I would take every second I could get. Yes. This makes you selfish.

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I think your ex needs some “me” time if he has them most of the nights and your only have them on your nights off. I assume your ex works also. Take some “me” time when you get off work and don’t have the kids

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Your you time is when they’re not there

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You don’t have custody of them, you rarely see them, and you want less time with them? Yeah, your ex is correct.

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Your kids don’t live with you and you and your husband separated a year ago… you’re working 2 jobs so you see your kids what? 1-2 days a weeks?? Where do you even have the desire or the energy to want to meet someone new… you, ma’am, are the definition of a dead beat… stop the excuses

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I can understand where you’re coming from but I also understand where people in the comments are coming from as well. Maybe try to set up dates on the nights you don’t have your kids. I’d miss the hell out of my kid and couldn’t imagine seeing him less for a guy I barely knew or maybe a guy that wouldn’t even be nice to him. I understand wanting to date but as a mom you do have a responsibility and you have to fit in the things you want to do in between with the things you need to do.

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I don’t understand it as a parent at all I’d die not having my son 24/7 I’d die being the parent who only gets the weekends or whatever I don’t understand how someone does that in my opinion yes that’s selfish you should want your kids as much as you can have them!

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Hi, I also work two jobs, and I’m a grad student. Probably unlike a lot of other people in this thread, I know what it’s like to have no time to yourself. You are not selfish for wanting to take a night that you aren’t working to go on a date and move on with your life. If you were a man, almost every other comment on this post would be different.

You are not obligated to grind yourself down to a nub and have no social life. If you have never worked 80 hours a week, don’t call anyone selfish for wanting a break.

It’s not like you’re asking for something that’s unreasonable. Literally one night to yourself is not too much to ask.

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You give up that luxury when you become a mother

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You only get them so many nights. What about the work nights? I’d imagine you have some off time then.
Its selfish to take their nights with their mother for your own personal gain.
Prioritize yourself or you’ll lose them emotionally.

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If you do not have them atleast 50% of the time then NO you do not get “me” time! You are their mother and already from your post don’t have them much.

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You only have him on your days off. Yes you should get time for yourself as a parent but you need to make that time when you don’t have your children you already don’t have them long so ya your totally wrong.

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Kids come first. Idc what no one says. They didn’t ask to be here and it is temporary. Spend as much time with them as you can.

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Your ex is correct. You only have them on your days off. Spend time with your babies, they need their mom. You have time to yourself when they are not with you, even if it’s only a couple hours a day, it’s still time to yourself. Sounds to me like you’d rather have a “date night” than be with your babies.

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:woman_facepalming:
Mom of 5 two adults now and a granddaughter my alone time consist of a shower
I also work a full time career and have two side jobs
My husband has a full time career and 1 side job

Three kids play hockey most of the time we are solo parenting for them to enjoy their best life.

Them living their best life is me living my best life

Screw alone time chill with your kids! One day they won’t want to

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I don’t think you’re a bad mom. I don’t know your circumstances but if you feel overwhelmed and want a night off every once in a while I think that’s allowed. I have 3 kids and a hubby that works out of town some days I’d like a night off I don’t get it right now but doesn’t mean if I did get it I wouldn’t take it lol
Also sometimes by hubby comes home after working away for 10 days and wants to have a nap. That doesn’t make him a bad dad because I want a nap lol makes him human and tired.

Are y’all serious my god everybody needs some time away she works 2 jobs and taking care of your kids if she wants to have some me time and maybe take a hot bubble bath let her honey you are not a bad mom we all been there even children needs time for their selfs do what makes you happy even if it’s just a few hours

This post is just sad…why even have kids then. Smh

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We only have my bonus daughter part time (and 2 other kids together)— we do not plan ANYTHING that doesn’t include the entire family on our days/nights with her. That time is already limited and precious. While I understand it sucks working two jobs and also being a mom— but you really need to re-evaluate your priorities and work on your time management if you can’t come home from work and have some “me time” on your nights without the kids.

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She is still a good mommy just a few hours or a night won’t hurt anybody got to refresh

I have my son 24/7 I don’t get alone time nor do I ask for it. I wouldnt trade that time with him for anything. If you were a full time mom maybe asking for time for yourself wouldn’t an issue but asking to not have your children when it’s your time is pretty selfish

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Sounds like you get plenty of me time. :woman_facepalming:

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So you barely have the kids and you want them less? You should be spending every minute you have with them not asking for less. You aren’t thinking about how that makes the kids feel! They probably want to see you more. Keep doing that and when they get older they won’t want to see you and you’ll wonder why.

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So you don’t have full custody and are working two jobs, barley seeing your children as is, but you want less time with your kids so you can have a boy toy ? Wooooooooow some mom you are. You have me time every time you get off work and don’t have kids. You have me time every time you wake up past the time your kids are usually up. You have me time all the time but want more ? Just give your ex full custody and do your kids an actual favor and leave them alone. They deserve a real mom.

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You are entitled to happiness. EVERYONE needs a break. My God don’t listen to these people. God forbid you take 1 day for self care. These other woman probably run themselves ragged then bitch they don’t get help or time to themselves. You can’t take care of anyone including your kids if you don’t take care of you first.

Full time single mom here. I would be pissed too if I were the dad, because it doesn’t sound like he’s getting much “me” time either and now you want to give up more time with your kids? Being a good parent takes sacrifice, whether single or married. Get a babysitter if you need to for a few hours, but I’d be trying to spend as much time with the kids as possible? They grow up far too fast. :disappointed:

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If its not all the time I don’t see the harm in one day maybe twice a month but no more than that. You do need a day to yourself periodically to just relax

You barely have your kids as it is and now you want them even less? SMH.

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Explain to me what me time is? Lol. We went to just getting our kids moved out and to getting custody of granddaughter. I never get me time. I don’t complain once about it. You don’t have your kids full time and only get them ur days off. You have enough time to urself. Im sorry but you should want to be with ur kids every chance. You should like ur not thankful for ur kids. If you want date u try to do that around ur work schedule. But kids are first priority.

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Why don’t you use the time they are not with you as your “date nights” and have a “sons” night when they come over :woman_shrugging:t2:I know it’s important to have time for yourself but I think take this time to just love on your boys. Especially if you only have them a few nights a week.

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Let’s change this around where it’s the mom that has custody and the dad doesn’t, but then the dad complains that he wants to give up some time with his kids to meet someone new. Ya. Doesn’t sound good does it OP? Have me time on your own time.

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Nope. Should be 5/50 in my opinion.

Sounds to me like it would not bother you if he had total custody. It’s about that way now.

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No. However you have all week, other days/nights. There’s more to the story than you’re telling.

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Gonna be blunt here…but yeah, makes you a shitty mom that the what? 2 or so nights a week they are there at your house you want them gone for the night? Yeaa…you needa get your priorities straight. More worried about meeting someone then spending time with your boys. That’s sad…:pensive::pensive:

You a bad mom smh :woman_facepalming:

I mean think of it from your children’s perspective. They will be adult before you know it and you’ll have your whole life for me time. We never get the chance to go back and appreciate those we love to the fullest.

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:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

Why not do a date or me time BEFORE or AFTER work and save the days off for the kids? That way you don’t take away from their time with you?

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If you work outside the home, there’s your “you” time like the rest of us. :rofl::100:

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Your priorities are not in order. You hardly have your children as it is and asking for less time with them your poor babies! Yes everyone needs “ me “ time but have you time when you don’t have your children, which is majority of the time. I couldn’t not see my children on a daily bases. I think you may need to readjust & put your children first. Regardless.

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I agree with your ex in this situation.

I can understand needing a break from working two jobs and the stress of daily life. However, by the sound of it… you’re seeing your kids less than 50% of the time and you’re asking for more of a break than that. I honestly think priorities need to be re-evaluated here.

I just went through the whole custody thing. I have custody 60% of the time, their dad 40%. I work full time, juggle a relationship, friends/family, life, bills, and my kids. It’s life & sometimes it’s tough but your children need you. Children grow so fast. :heart::broken_heart:

Only having them 60%, I miss them soooo much when they’re with their dad. I can’t imagine having them less than 50% and asking for even less time.

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Doesn’t make you a bad mum. But it seems like their dad needs the break, not you. After all you only see them a few days. You have “me time” when you get home from work. You don’t go to work and then go home to a house full of kids.

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We all need alone time. 1x or 2x a month to have a night to yourself isn’t asking for too much. Don’t let anybody make you feel like a shitty mom.

You only have them on the nights you have off. Which is, what? One day a week. So yeah, it’s selfish. Not for any other reason aside from the fact that you literally only see them on your day off and now you want that specific time to meet someone new. Your boys are probably devastated.

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How often do you have the kids? You’re paying child support, to your ex husband, meaning he has the kids most of the time? And you want to have them less now? This post is confusing.

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Your ex is right :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I was single with 3. I had custody and my ex went 4 years without seeing them at all. When he did it was a weekend a year. My attitude was I was married. To my house and my kids. Its a commitment.

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You really don’t spend much time with them to begin with…if the roles were reversed youd want us all to call him a deadbeat…I’m with your ex on this one.

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I can’t really relate to this. If I barely had my kids because of separation, I’d be devastated. Dates are way less important than my kids. I don’t think you’re a bad mom, per say, but I don’t understand why you want them less when you only see them MAYBE 10 days out of the month. You chose to have those babies, you need to act like a parent. Don’t be surprised if he hits you up for child support 🤷

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He has them like 80 percent of the time. Give a little already. You dont need any more “me time” than you already get.

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Why not give him full custody then honestly? They already stay with him and now you dont want them on the nights you want cause u rather have me time or go out and find someone instead of spending time with the children you gave birth to… I’m sorry but you’re a bad mom imo sorry.

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At first I was on board about getting time to yourself but after re-reading, you barely have your kids. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities and put your kids first at the top.

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I’m just baffled honestly. . No judgement . But woah…

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Sounds like u barely get them as it is and you want to give up more time? Yup, that’s fucked up.

I’m with baby daddy. You’re lucky the kids have a dad thats such a big part of their life…especially after a separation

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Your kids probably miss you so much already with being split since August and their entire lives re adjusting … they probably need you now more then ever . I’m not one to judge but since your asking I do think it’s selfish and you should be more concerned about spending time with them and how they’re coping . I’m not saying everyone doesn’t need time to themselves they do but you should try and make it so your kids don’t have to pay for it by seeing you less and spending less time with you !

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Must read!!

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Seriously sound stupid!!

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I’m dealing with the Male version of you and let me tell you, it’s completely unfair to your kids. Like wtf…You barely get your children and wanna complain about the times you do have them? Get a grip of reality. Your kids need to come first before you or anyone else!

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Sounds pretty selfish of you. If I didn’t have my kids I’d be so upset. I wouldn’t even be thinking about hanging out with friends or dating. I’d want my kids.

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