No you’re not wrong. They’re getting married, meaning she’s sticking around for a least a little while. It’s weird how she’s never shown up to anything, you’re trying to make it a healthy relationship & they don’t reciprocate that. If anything maybe try and message her on social media asking about meeting up because you never know… it could be your ex not passing your messages along to her. I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to meet you since you share kids with her soon to be husband but then again some people don’t act like adults. & for him saying your going over boundaries is ridiculous, you have every right to know who your kids are around.
No mama, you need to trust her is she’s gonna be a stepmother to your children. I would have a huge problem with that!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex's fiance doesn't seem to want know me or my kids
You are not wrong at all
Your totally right in this. This is strange like major red flags too me.
My ex gf and i sat down and talked before she met my son. My son only sees his dad when my son wants to so he doesnt have much of a relationship with either one of them. But you are definitely not overstepping
Not over stepping at all!! Maybe see if you can reach out to her yourself and explain without going through him maybe on social media or if your able to get a phone number.
If she has no interest in your kids now she won’t once they move in together. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do about it I get where you are coming from because I’d feel the same. I hope your ex protects those babies
Not wrong. She sounds shady. Unless you have given her reason to really not like you? Ex husband talks shit about? Or maybe she is a super busy person?
You are most definitely right in this situation. They are so odd. You need to know what type of person she is around kids & etc. Major Red Flags
I agree with you. Why is she so reluctant to see you. I would be the same way.
Maybe he’s the problem and not her. Have you tried to communicate with her directly?
That is weird they aren’t going to live together after getting married. Isn’t it normal for married couples to live together after getting married?
Maybe it’s a man 
You’re not wrong.
I’d ask him what’s up. Truly. Then, figure out a way too ask her out to lunch. As in, ask her yourself… See what happens.
Personally, my son’s father co plaoned about my now hubs but would never met him. 
I met his wife and her and I get along better than he and I ever did. 
She even asked me for parenting advice. So, it’s possible but you have to find out what’s going on first.
You only know what you can see. She doesn’t have to be involved in your life (you throwing parties for kids) she can still have a relationship that doesn’t include you. He is their dad, if he is responsible I doubt he is taking someone crazy around his kids, let alone marrying the woman.
No, me and my ex husband have a rule that we meet anyone BEFORE they ever meet our children. I would be concerned as well as why she seems to be avoiding you.
I think its very mature and healthy what you’re trying to do and perhaps she is the one with the issue?
Does he really have a woman?
You are overthinking it. Let it be.
I don’t think you’re over stepping what so ever.
My first thought and question is…does she have kids…does she like kids???
Maybe private msg her on fb or insta… don’t go thru him, she is a grown woman and so are you. Tell her that your unsure if he has passed on the message or not… go from there and if he gets mad oh well…
Ya I think they’re the ones being weird. Like they wanna get married, but they’re separating the family. That’s not right. That’s not how that works. It’s 2 families coming together, and it’s fuckin’ weird that she has been avoiding his family for 2 freakin’ years. That’s insane and weird. That gives off sinister vibes hard-core.
I understand what you’re saying. But his life is his life & if he’s saying you’re overstepping, you need to back away. He’s gonna parent the way he wants and you’ve got no say in that, unless there’s abuse to the kids. Unless you have some strict orders in place, nothing you can do about it.
Does she actually exist?? I mean look at the facts. You’ve never met her, they don’t live together, she won’t come to parties, etc.
Could it be someone he made up?? Or is he being Catfished by someone??
Doesn’t always work out well, didn’t for me. My ex’s new wife overstepped her boundaries and started disciplining my child when she was visiting her dad 
It’s so strange to me that so many people think it isn’t your business to know who your kids are going around, because it definitely is. I don’t allow my kids to go around people I don’t know or trust & if I find out someone else is taking them around people I don’t know alone then those people lose trust and access to my kids. It’s a respect thing. And considering they’ve been together a few years and she knows he has kids but isn’t trying to be involved then it doesn’t really make sense why he’s marrying her.
Those that say she’s over stepping … are the problem . Kids shouldn’t just be allowed to be around just anyone . Our jobs as parents is to keep them safe . The woman isn’t over stepping when she simply wants to know who’s going to be “living “ with her kid . 
no wonder so many kids get put in dangerous ass situation with strangers cause y’all aren’t involved
Shawna Simmons Thankful for the relationship we have.
I wouldn’t want to know my fiancé’s ex either lol… but she should be getting to know the kids.
You are absolutely correct! With young children you have to know how she will act with them. Does she get mad if they cry or freak out if they get something dirty or break something? Or is she laid back? All of these are major concerns as your ex may not be with her every second and you have to feel at ease about them being there.
You’re completely overstepping your boundaries what he does and who he’s with on his time cannot be controlled by you yes you’ve been gracious enough to let him into your life with your new man but that doesn’t mean he has to return the favor
Does she even exist?
Sounds like you really only know what he’s telling you.
does she exist at all…
Either she doesn’t exist or this fiance is a man and he’s scared to expose himself …
She’s a he and he’s not ready to tell you?
weird of your husband, im the step mum and i absolutely wanted to meet the kids mum!! like its their mum!! we are now the best of friends. maybe its not a real relationship he’s in?
As a parent you have every right to know who your children will be around. Overstepping would be meddling or being involved in their relationship. You see too many things on the news about the new partner abusing or sometimes killing kids. How he parents is one thing and something you really can’t have a say about but who your children are around is something you definitely need to know.
Does she even exist? Is she a he? I feel like there’s more to his story
She doesn’t owe you anything
Have the kids met her?
She might be make believe
He might be marrying a man or a junkie. Whatever it is, something isn’t right. You can bug your kid’s backpack without anyone knowing and try to see what he is hiding 
She could be made up
I bet she is someone you know or were both friends with
that relationship sounds strange from all angles!
You are overstepping. You don’t have any right to her whatsoever. None. Zero. Leave her alone.
Umm no that’s weird and super red flag to me. If you can’t meet me as their mom you don’t need to be around my children. I don’t have this issue though. I LOVE my daughters bonus mom and in the beginning I asked if she’d come meet me if she was going to be around and she did! They’ve since gotten married and had two more precious kids and we all get along! I don’t understand the “bitter baby mama drama” I also don’t see why as a potential step mom she wouldn’t want to know you. I asked to meet my sons step mom. I feel it’s important for the kids. Idk though. I’ll be damned if my kids will go anywhere with a woman I’ve never met so that of god forbid something ever happened to them I wouldn’t have a clue how to even describe this person to the law. Absolutely not! But there again I have the same respect for my daughters dad and bonus mom as well they’re going to be in our lives forever, if you’re too insecure to meet them you can go!
She’s a blow up doll
I understand it would be nice to at least meet her but if she chooses not to then that is her choice. It sounds like it will just be one of those things you just have to deal with.
Many new wives who become stepmoms choose not to live with their partner or parent/raise their partners children. They marry the man and not the kids. If you’re not a stepmom I guess you wouldn’t know this but it’s not uncommon for married couples to live apart until the kids move out.
Sounds to me like these children have 2 loving, active parents in their lives and she is choosing not to overstep. Be thankful she is allowing dad to focus on his kids when he has them. She honestly owes you nothing. If your kids are coming home happy, healthy and alive then that’s all that matters.
Hold on it’s been two years and you don’t even know what she looks like ?
You have every right to know who is going to be around your children. If there is a problem then don’t allow your children around her at all. You are not over stepping. How do you know what type of person she is?
You are overstepping. She doesn’t have to reach out to you or even meet you if she doesn’t want to. Your ex is right and you are overstepping your bounds. He is their father and when they marry that will be HIS house too not just some strangers… he knows her. He trusts her. He is marrying her. She will be a part of their life even without you meeting her. Would it be great if she wanted to meet you, absolutely but since she isn’t wanting to, leave her be instead of insisting on it and potentially causing conflict. My husband’s ex was like this… and the judge in his case ruled that I was absolutely none of her business. We’ve been married 12 years now. I eventually met the kids mom BUT when I was ready and when she stopped pushing for it.
She still has feelings
I think you have a valid point. When my ex met his second (on the Internet) he left my son with her for two days after knowing her for three weeks. I came unglued! Needless to say the next weekend he brought her to meet me. Sadly she wound up being a cold hearted good-digger and a bitch from hell. Took him ten years to figure it out…. Mana can only do so much and I was aware of what she was from the start!
Noah Daniel Sramana. I am a step mom. All four of us parents are a team in the well being and mental health of OUR children. They say it takes a village. Maybe it just takes 4 Mature Adults who love their children. My husband’s Ex is always invited to holidays and family events. They invite us to all holiday and family events.
It’s called. … FAMILY.
That’s pretty weird. I think it’s important that you two at least meet. But I feel like it is incredible irresponsible for him to have proposed to someone who has no relationship with his children?
Coming from someone that wishes I had this relationship with my boyfriends ex. It is okay to want to involve yourself into getting to know her and the feels you have when she’s around. I just wouldn’t put my all into it. But maybe try text her, message her on Facebook? See if she’ll meet you for lunch. Going threw the ex doesn’t always give you the response your looking for. All she could know is that you don’t like her.
It really just depends on the situation with your ex. If you have legitimate concerns, you should probably take it to a judge. If not, you can ask an attorney in your state what the law in your state is. It sounds like both of them are being completely unsympathetic to you, but I would check to see what you can get legally
You keep fighting and inviting.
Your kids see you being a caring Mom who is willing to accept their dads choice.
They also see him being immature and uncaring.
Don’t stop inviting. You have a right to know who your children are influenced by. God bless.
Unless she is treating ur kids bad dont get mad but its none of ur business he is allowed 2 live his life with out u being in it thats the point when u broke up and u chose him hopefully u picked a good guy
Your feelings are normal and not out of bounds for you as a loving concerned mom trying her best to make everything all right. Your actions are where the boundaries are getting confused. If deep trust was affected between you and your ex. that is where the issue lies first. Ask yourself some questions. Do you trust your ex having the children overnight, hopefully the answer is yes. Do you trust your ex to feed the children appropriately and be responsible for all their nighttime ritual of brushing their teeth ect., once again hopefully the answer is yes. Your ex is their parent and is responsible for their safety and care when they are with him. Ask yourself if you trust your ex in being wise enough to make a solid choice for his partner, hopefully yes. If you have answered yes, your emotions can get back in balance and stop fixating on why or why not the fiancé doesn’t have a desire to meet yet. Let it happen naturally. You can prep your kids about meeting her and being respectful but ultimately when the time comes for them to meet they will have their own feelings and make up their own mind about her. Stop worrying and don’t try to coordinate a meeting, let your ex do that in his time, in his way. Be patient and just love your kids and be mom!
Wow some of y’all are harsh! I totally understand why you feel the way you do and no I don’t think you are out of line. I don’t like to use the term “overstepping boundaries” but sometimes bc every one is different and every situation/relationship/family is different. First off, hats off to you and your ex husband for getting along so well and being great co-parents together! That’s what it’s all about. As a child of divorced parents where there were step parents and etc… this is wonderful for your kiddos. I think you must definitely should have AT LEAST met her by now. I think it’s great that you extend the invite to them both for functions for your kids. My dad was kinda MIA when I was growing up sometimes so never had to worry about him showing up but my mom would have been totally ok with that, my step-dad who I also call dad would have been fine with it too. My dad has been to my mom & Step-dads house a few times and always got along well with them both. I had a friend in school who’s parents were divorced. They got along so well and were at each other’s wedding to their next spouses that would become step parents. They stayed that way always. They did holidays all together, birthdays….everything. The ex spouse and new spouse would even come for birthday parties for the other parent or spouse. It’s strange if you let it be, but it doesn’t have to be. Again, whatever works for your own family. My friends never had to choose whose house to wake up at on Christmas or who’s house they would spend the most time at each holiday. It was awesome! You can’t MAKE her like you, want to meet you or come around. I agree and would want the same as you, but her loss. I would feel the same way about your children being around her and wanting to get to know her, or even know of her for this matter. This is going to be one of those moments where you have to trust your ex and trust that you know he wouldn’t bring someone around them that isn’t safe or is mean to them. I would prob worry that there wouldn’t be a loving family connection with her at his house if she is so stand-offish but maybe she’s just intimidated by you or the thought of you. Your relationship with your ex being so good and open might also be a hard thing for her. Hopefully she comes around and y’all all 4 get on the same page and can go-parent between all of you 
Does she really exist?
Technically the only communication you need to have is with your ex even though it is a great idea to have communication with the fiancé if she doesn’t want to have it don’t keep pushing for it.
You will have to adjust and learn to trust her with your children… reach out to her on her facebook and let her know you just want to talk as it is to do with your children and having another person around them is hard as you want to know they will be safe with you around.
If she has a problem you have your answer.
She sounds imaginary 
Check properly he could be dating your best friend
Are we sure this fiancée even exists?
You are the Mom. Your voice does matter. Group text if you have their numbers. I refused to watch my bonus son until I met his mom and she could trust me. Now he lives with us 50% of the week. We gotta put our personal feelings aside and focus on the children’s feelings until they have words or are able to communicate their feelings on their own. She could have kids of her own? She’s nervous? She’s not good with kids? She had a traumatic childhood and doesn’t want to raise them but will bail them out of trouble if need be? (Stepmom the movie is great), but listen to your maternal instincts and if you want to demand answers. Demand them! If they get offended, ask them if they prefer you to assume and speculate or be an abled human and just ask? Me? I don’t play those mind games. We are not 12. This is Life not Guess Who. She owes you that respect to your face. She picked the man with a package. I’m a mom and a bonus mom. Nobody deserves to be uncomfortable in the space that is supposed to feel the safest. But just my opinion 
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. As many stories we read in the news of step-parenrs harming or killing children, i would want to meet the person who will be parenting my children when I’m not around.
We had a step-dad kill a 2 yr old, another step-dad kill a 2 yr old in the same year here. Just recently a woman killed her stepdaughter and just sentenced to life. Another killed a girl and cut up her body and threw her away. Another killed and burnt a baby.
I’m sorry…who are you??? We need to know and have every right to know
I think she doesn’t even know he has children, he might be hidden then from her or she doesn’t exist and he’s just telling you lies
Maybe she doesn’t even really exist
With my ex husband thank God his a ex but he had a son 2years old at the time and I and his mother wanted to meet because she wanted to know who her son was seeing which I think is normal and I wanted to meet her so she knows his safe and she can come to me anytime XXX we only met on pick up and dropping off for a cuppa and that but made life better for us all XXX in end he came to live with me and my ex and his mother always came to me about her son and when me and ex finished he carried on living with me for about a year and then when he wanted to go home he did he was a teenage and wanted his mum xxxx
We have a role that parents meet the SO before the kids do and only if the other parent is comfortable with it
Sounds like she does not want anything to do with them I would be worried when my kids are over there
I don’t think pushing will reverse things at this point, I would stop inviting her
If my boyfriend and I ever broke up and he got with someone else I would want him to be with someone like you who wants both parties to be involved! You’re definitely not in the wrong!!
He’s gay and doesn’t want you finding out.
My children would not be staying with them unless I had met her properly and seen how she reacts around them. Question is though does she 100% know he has children? I’d find her on social media and personally invite her over for all you know she might not know he has children or could think your not allowing her to be involved
I get the impression that she doesn’t exist, or she doesn’t know he has children. . Have you seen pictures of her? Have your kids actually met her? Seems odd really. . Esp if she is real and he doesn’t care that she’s not involved in his children’s lives.
He’s gay and he doesn’t want u to know
I’m thinking she us from another country and once married, she can apply for a Visa! But for me they’re wouldn’t be a choice! I would meet whomever lives with him or my kids wouldn’t go
Maybe it’s a He not a She
You’re doing all the right things. If she passes, she passes. Keep doing the best you can for the kids.
This just feels weird. I know people will say its none of your business but I disagree…where your kids are concerned everything is your business. Id be laying down the law…you meet or your kids are not around her at any time
Adults should be able to get over their problems with one another for the sake of the kids .
It sounds like she’s Nachoing you & the kids? They’ve been together 2 years and she’s always gone when the kids have visitation with Dad. How old are the kids? If you still want to push a relationship (I wouldn’t) just send the invites through Dad. She ignored and blocked you, that’s a pretty strong ‘no thank-you’. I would back all the way off unless you suspect some kind of mistreatment. Good luck 
I bet she doesn’t exist. If your visitation is court ordered go back to court & request to have it ordered that the other parent must meet any SOs before the children do. Put in first right of refusal too. That way he will have to ask you to take them before leaving them with her. If your visits aren’t court ordered I would cut them off until he introduces you to his girlfriend.
Yeah he’s 100% not passing on the information. By pass him and go directly to her. If he’s saying you are overstepping I can’t imagine what he’s told her about you. Definitely just go to her and say exactly what you said here
I’m getting the feeling she either doesn’t exist, she doesn’t know he has kids, or it’s someone you know and they are keeping it under wraps until they are married. Or his new fiancé is a man and he doesn’t want it to get to you. You have a legitimate reason to get to at least meet the person who will be around your kids, especially since you did that for him.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex's fiance doesn't seem to want know me or my kids
I don’t think you are wrong in wanting this. However, I do see what you described as your “Ex’s job” to make sure his children know her and that he trusts her and in turn that you are comfortable with her. Perhaps he is the issue and not her? Reach out to her personally via certified mail with return receipt (so you know who signed for your letter… him or her) and personally invite her to a co-parenting get to know you lunch! Keep it light and conversational. Congratulate her on the upcoming wedding and tell her you’d like to share your children with her (if this is truly your goal to co-parent). If she signs for it then you know she personally received it. If he signs for it, and she doesn’t show up you can bet he is running interference. If she declines, then you have a paper trail showing you attempted to try and form a relationship with her on behalf of your children if it ever ends up as an issue in court!
Not wrong at all. Maybe reach out to her on FB? You’re never overstepping when it comes to your kids safety. The fact he doesn’t see that it odd. Are we sure she even exists?! 
No your not wrong that seems very suspicious to me. I don’t have any advice but you are definitely an awesome person.
Omgosh I would die to have you as my step kids mother. I wish every day for the last 4 years that she would accept me and still wishing.
No you aren’t wrong and frankly… that’s weird af that she doesn’t wanna get to know the kids OR agree to meet you. It’s even WEIRDER that your ex says you are “over stepping your boundaries”. Idk… something just isn’t adding up here on their end. I’d think that’s a BIG red flag.
I think if you message him what you wrote in this post (just rephrase it so you are talking to him) I think maybe he can see this is not unreasonable for this request. Just tell him you thinks it’s odd that she doesn’t want to be involved with the kids seeing as she is going to be their stepmom.