So I would like to keep this anonymous since I have several family members that may see this, but I have a question and need advice. Many years ago, I was married to a man that, after a few years of marriage and two kids later, I found out he was cheating on me with multiple women, so I left him. After we divorced, he stopped making an effort to see our kids. This only shows what kind of a man he turned out to be. Anyways, I am over the marriage, and I have since remarried and am very happy. My question is, I found out a few years ago that one of the women he cheated on me with was, in fact, my cousin, and I happened to be nine months pregnant at that time. She confessed to me, and I appreciated her telling me, but still, after all these years, I am hurt, angered, and feel betrayed, and I am having a really hard time acting as if I’m ok to be around her, but I’m not. I have no desire ever to see her again. My other family members do not know about what she did to me, and they make me feel bad for not wanting to attend family functions and call me out as being the “black sheep” of the family. What do I do? This really bothers me. Do I call her out for what she has done to our other family members, or do I try and move on and pretend it never happened?
If it bothers you that much, I would be honest and let them know why you don’t want to attend family functions. I wouldn’t want to be around her either.
I would. If she’s the reason you don’t go why make yourself look like the bad guy? You owe her nothing.
I would call her out but that’s me!
I would let them know why you dont attend (she messed around with your ex husband)! And hopefully they will understand why you dont want to go around!
I think if you tell your family, they will understand why you don’t go to family functions. I’m sure they will understand.
Call her out ! She messed up NOT YOU. She should be the one not attending family events from the embarrassment she should feel NOT YOU
I’d say I’m not comfortable around betrayers
Just let it go, be the bigger person and move on. That’s just drama you don’t need. Leave it alone.
Tell them what happened
My sister slept with my ex boyfriend and your damn right I called her out on that shit! It’s not right! Everyone looks at you like your the bitch but in reality she fucked you over and went behind your back with your husband!!
Put her on blast
Why should you remain her victim?
I’d tell everyone. Let people judge her…she deserves it.
Why cause more drama. Attend family functions but you dont have to talk to her.
Go to family functions and just ignore her. You’re letting it control your life. No need to oust her
Call that cheater helper out, she disrespected your marriage and you most of all…family uhg
Spill the beans woman!!! That right there will be you’re closure you deserve to speak the truth! I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. Prayers for you! ￼
Try to forgive her you don’t have to be besties but forgiveness isn’t for her it is for you. your children deserve to be around their family and you deserve peace and remember that he promised you not her what she did was wrong but she wasn’t the only one involved
Call her out let her be responsible for her actions
If you are truly over the marriage and happily married then the past is dead PERIOD Forgive the cousin and move on. YOU, are your own worst enemy allowing this to STILL take space in your head. Outing her at this point serves no purpose. For your SANITY/PEACE… LET IT GO.
Id say something… Shes one of the reasons ur marriage didnt work out… Why should u be the bad guy.
Just talk to her about. It’s no one elses business
I’d say let it go. Yes I get that it hurts but she let you know years ago. Why bring up the past? You should of said something when you found out. You said it yourself you are remarried and happy. Maybe just talk to her since she’s the one you have a problem with. It would just make it awkward with the family.
Id call her out she knew you wwre married and is a homewrecker herself. Odds are she’s slept with everyone else’s husbands as well.
I would have outed that skank long ago…
Just dont go there that’s all be bigger person and move on simply
Tell them and move on.
Kudos to you for keeping it under wraps all these years. You have to do what keeps you mentally healthy. It’s kind of crappy of the cousin to not remove herself from the family functions perhaps you should talk to her about it.
Forgive but don’t forget. You don’t have to talk to her just be socially correct when around others. If you are truly over it, you wouldn’t be so upset about it still. We’re talking about something that happened YEARS ago… Let it go.
I’d send a group email and make things worse bc it would be worth it to me to get the truth out
I would call her a** out but that’s just me. I would do it in front of the whole family. I would tell her to explain to everyone why I don’t want to be around your trifling, whoring a**. Go ahead, tell them. Tell them how you thought it was cute to f**k my no good ex husband while I was 9 months pregnant.
Your man is just useing you am man like that is not worth Worring
A bout dump that loser
Forgive her for your own peace but call her out!!
You should not carry such weight in your heart and suffer in silence. Go and confide in family you trust. You need healing from this. Tell your parents… they would be the first.
Call that bitch out. I’d humiliate her too, she should be the black sheep, not you. Men cheat all the time but cousins don’t do that shit to each other
I’d call her out but that’s just me
Forgive the cousin but never trust her never get close to her if she was able to do something like that behind your back what else is she willing to do
Lol “let it go” …I hate that shit. With everything in life You first need to process it and that takes time everyone is different and then you have to deal with it …in YOUR OWN WAY. You cant find peace just tucking it away and “letting it go”. Get it out if that’s what you need to do. that doesnt mean you have to sit down and have a family meeting but dont walk on eggshells to keep her secret of screwing your then husband.
Let it go. You have moved on and she apologized. You do t gotta forgive but dont cause unnecessary drama in the family.
I would absolutely tell them why.
Call the bitch out! Fuck her
I’m spilling all the beans. Honesty is always best.
I don’t go around cuz ____ fucked ____ while I was 9 months pregnant with ____. Leave it at that, I don’t wanna hear it , I wanna burn the bridge and continue to live happy. But just so y’all know my problem, I am not a black sheep I’ve forgiven, but I am not obligated to forget. Y’all have a good day.
When it’s a random person it’s one thing, but a family member you see that person constantly, no matter how over you are it still bugs you.
Do it at thanksgiving…
I would call her out lol descarada sin vergüenza
Naw I wouldn’t forgive how do you forgive someone especially family while pregnant… she didn’t break your favorite picture she participated in an action that causes damage…
I’d finally just snap and say reason I’m not around family functions is this and that don’t haveto say anything bad about her and say take it as it is & please let me just figure it out
By moving on you must let bygones be bygones . Be the better woman by forgiving her. Remember it takes two to tango so you don’t say whether he seduced her or if she initiated the tryst. May God give you the strength to do what is best for you and your family.
Tell your family my sister slept with my husband. I tried to forgive them both but its just something you never get over. I was more betrayed by my sister Ive been divorced for mant many yrs my x hasn’t been in our son’s life since 13yrs old he is 28 now.
No tell them. Why should your family think bad of you for something she did wrong.
Go for counseling, this anger will eat you alive.
I would be open and honest in the most respectful way possible. You are still the bigger person but aren’t living in a fictional shame you don’t deserve.
It happened and you have every right to be upset.
I would tell everyone everything so they knew why I was never speaking to her again.
Everyone will respect your decision then instead of thinking you’re just mistreating her.
She needs to confess to them about what she has done and u need to forgive but never forget resmement will kill u faster than anything
Personally, I’d say that I have my reasons and she burned her bridge with me. Let people wonder or tell them to go talk to her about it. You don’t have to throw her under the bus (unless you want to), but you can direct them toward her so she can answer for her actions. If she lies then that creates an scenario in which I say tell everyone exactly what she did. Especially if you’ve cut ties and can’t be around her anyway.
Move on honey but dont leave her alone with your new husband!
I would put that on blast at a family function. That’s just me though. I’d wait until everyone was at the table for Thanksgiving dinner and make her feel as uncomfortable as you have been made to feel. Pass the potatoes…by the way did you ever tell the family how you f*cked my husband while I was 9 months pregnant?
Let everyone know what she done,Then they’ll know why you are the way you are
Absolutely call the hoe out in front of all of them!!! Your going to feel so much better!
Family doesn’t do that to family. If it did my family would talk and then had out Woof tickets(beat booty)
She didnt have respect for your marriage so I wouldn’t have respect for her reputation with the family. Tell them. Like someone said at Thanksgiving
If you’re happily married to someone else, put all of your focus on this marriage. Don’t let that cross your mind. If you want to see your family, you should be able to see them even if she is around. She told you what she done. If you can’t be around her, don’t talk to her, but don’t let that keep you from your family. You’re dwelling on the past when you should be thinking of your future
Let it go forgive, your not in that marriage anymore. Leave it in the past, focus on your marriage now
Any family member that is willing to help YOUR significant other be a sleezbag is not worth you keeping their shame… you are not the black sheep, you just wont parade around fake ass people… blast that shit for every family member to hear!!!
Right now your basically taking the hit for her actions. I definitely would tell. Jeeze you were pregnant. She may have apologized but she sure wasn’t sorry when she was having sex with him and I call bull on it was only one time.
It might help you mentally just to get it all out in the open. I would talk to your family and let them know what happened, it might also help you forgive her not saying now but maybe eventually but never forget. I would tell them and then start going to family functions because you shouldn’t be the one who feels uncomfortable it should be her and if she doesn’t or doesn’t feel bad then that just shows even more of her true colors especially because you said you were 9 months pregnant which is completely insane for her to do that to you
If you know your reasons then there shouldn’t be one to have to explain family or not all they should know if you don’t want this info out is to respect your decision bc they light not like the answer as to “Why”! But every answer comes from only you.
This can be tuff bc you don’t want to create drama or issues but yet she got to clear the guilt from her conscious I guess do what your gut says and I definitely would never allow her back and maybe she should be telling them
Didn’t you say you were happily married to someone else??? Why would you still care?
Just know your cousin can not be trusted and MOVE ON
I think it’s a tough choice between class and respect. I think you should try to be around her, just polite hello and how are you and move on. Don’t let her spoil your family fun. I don’t think you should tell the family. I unless someone asks what’s going on. And still hold class if you have to tell. You ended up being better off without the man so its not like she robbed you of a happily ever after. Her sleeping with him is something wrong within herself. We all have faults. If she told you she obviously didn’t mean to hurt you. And if it was years ago she may have been immature. Who knows. Just remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Good luck
You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, but carry on focus on the now
tell them to ask her
First off what a shitty cousin. Second you dont owe any one anything. Just because people are family doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them.
Tell EVERYONE just in case she is fucking their husbands too!
When ask, direct them to her for answers.
Move on but keep your distance! And tell her you are not comfortable when she is around you! And she should never be left alone with your husband. As for the husband give him a warning if he ever repeats than it has to be quits! For if this is his habit you will have many years to shed tears . Are you ready for that? You are too precious you have a lifetime ahead of you and you cnt spend it all miserably.
You haven’t forgiven her. I wouldn’t tell the family. Maybe you could try talking to her 1 more time. Why should your family miss out on their aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. That’s not cool. You may always feel the hurt but you can be the stronger more mature person. You said you are very happy now…
U don’t owe anybody an explanation unless u choose 2 explain. Maybe ur coysin should come clean with the family.
If it wasn’t creating such an issue, I’d let it go. However, it seems to be creating alot of problems so I’d inform everyone as to why I wasn’t attending family functions
Mine cheated on me too … not with my cousin thou with his own cousin (1st cousin) and yip none of his friends even no who she really is … try keeping that in when all you wanna do is tell them so they no the truth and want them to no your not the one that screwed in the head … but yeah I need counseling too lol
I say tell everyone.
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I would have to tell everyone. Why make yourself look bad when she couldn’t keep them legs closed.
You will never find peace until you forgive her and let it go she is not fully to blame your husband opened that door and let her in now you need to close it
It’s terrible. I caught my man and my dads girlfriend trying to hook up. And she’s repulsive…not exaggerating. We raised her fatherless son too. STAY GONE. Drop contact. Its Nothing to do with you. It’s their problem. Your good karma is coming.
Drink a bottle of wine…and then call her out!! This way there’s no stopping you!
Sounds like you mentally havent gotten over it. You need therapy 100% because ur still upset.
Also id let my whole family know because she could be doing it with the rest of ur family who have husbands
Are you more worried about bringing your new husband around her?
I’m the one that would be telling family. Why should you be made to look bad when you did nothing wrong? I wouldn’t want to be around her either.
I’d call her ass out. Like, your feelings matter too. So let everyone know and blast it as loud as you can!
Tell the family, so when you don’t want to attend family functions they know it’s cause of that cheating b**ch, maybe they won’t be inviting her when they find out what sort of person she really is. If she didn’t want people to know she wouldn’t have done it. Let it be her problem and get it off your chest!!
You are still hurt, you didn’t forgive the lady yet only if you make peace with her and yourself will you be able to move on,and I hope it will happen cause unforgiveness is a prison of its own
Tell them!!! She was hoe enough to sleep with YOUR husband.
Please believe I am not sympathetic, but holding onto your anger is only hurting you. He has already paid the maximum penalty, he lost you. Punishing her by your absence isn’t doing her any harm. Confrontation won’t make you feel any better because she will say he lied, and she might be right. IMHO maybe he never had more than fantasies. His goal was to make you feel bad? He succeeded beyond his wildest dreams if you’re upset, angry, and estranged from your family all these years later. You are the actual winner. You’re rid of him! Be thankful and reclaim your relatives.
Maybe try talking to her about it.dirty laundry stays dirty unless you Clean it up.
I would have no problems telling my family what she did! Shit, I probably would have made the announcement when I found out but that’s just me
Make sure she is there when you tell it too that way she can’t lie about it
Fuck that. Put her ass on blast. She didnt give two cents that you were her cousin!
Girl first of all good job on leaving him ! AND TELLLL EVERY ONE !!! When she decided to that to you she should’ve known the consequences of family knowing… once you tell everyone they will see why you haven’t been around! And girl again good job on leaving!
You want to move on but I don’t think you will until you tell your family. They will keep thinking it is YOU and your fault so you’re always gonna have to deal with them talking about you and calling you the black sheep. They need to realize it’s her. Then I think you will be able to move on.
Forgive for your peace but definitely tell the family why you don’t want to be around her. Make sure you tell them the time frame in which it happened.