My fiance feels like a roommate to me: Advice?

So I need some advice…My fiancé and I have been together for about five years. There’s been ups and downs, and lately, I feel SO alone. I’m nine months pregnant, and we also have a three-year-old… I’m currently not working, but I pay all my bills plus groceries by myself still. My fiancé typically works 7-4 weekdays. When he gets home, he doesn’t want much to do with us. He just plays video games or is on his phone. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, and he just says I’m nagging. Sometimes he acts like I do nothing all day, and he does so much more because he has money coming in. But I’m not sure if I’m overly sensitive, but I’m tired of feeling so alone and cleaning up after everyone constantly. If I ask him to pick up something, he gets upset that I’m asking. I ask him to hang out with me, and there’s always an excuse “I’m tired, I’m hot, I’m wanna play games right now”… I’m at a loss I love him deeply, and someday he’s great but then goes on a big streak of playing ‘roommates’ it seems. I’ve talked to him about it, and he either gets upset about it and goes to bed or gets better for a couple of days, then boom back to square one.

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I feel you pain. Get out while the getting is good. It’s not going to get better. I’ve been married for 40 years and the last 8 have been hell. I’ve done nothing but cry for weeks. I think I’m afraid to leave but the emotional abuse is killing me.

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I’m all about empowering women. But what did you do to continue to this? What are you not giving him? You want to put him on blast but not take any ownership as to why he does not want you.

Time to wake up 2 kids not married yet. He works but you are payng all the bills. What is he doing with his money. It won’t get easier you need someone who is there for you andvthe kids willing to share the load. Put your foot down tell him he he starts helping both with the bills and with the house and kids. Tell him you need some of his time if he can’t do that then toss him out. Time to put on your big girl pants and stand up for yourself and your kids.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum! My fiance feels like a roommate to me: Advice?

Well for one he needs to grow up.

Fuck him leave. Hes immature. Doesnt appreciate shit. And itll never change. Trust me

Can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. So you change and find a better life for you!

Sounds like you’re taking care of a grown child :unamused:

Does he give you any of his money ?

Get a job and move on with your life.

You can love people and not be with them. You can love someone and them not be the one for you. Love yourself better.

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Ooof all bad I feel like you’re being too nice , you need to woman up and put him in his place

Sounds like he’s a little self obsorbed.

“I wanna play games right now” :rofl:

You’re living with a child, love. Unless he brings home $250,000+, he doesn’t have time to play games. Sorry.

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Girls its time to let that man go i understand you are seriously pregnant but there is barely any love there I have been here before and it took for me to say I’m done for them to change there mind its too late at that point hold your head up strong cause no matter what you have this with or without him my mom was a single mom of 3 until the youngest came

Only thing I’ll say is don’t make fiance a husband.

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Throw the whole ass man away

What he doing now
is what he is going to do when you guys get marry :100:

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You are strong and nobody should feel alone in a relationship being a stay at home mom is work for those who don’t think so

If you can pay your bills by yourself I’d say good bye I would not marry him

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Leave now or wont change trust me been there done that

My ex felt like a roommate to me also, I talked with him about it but he only got angry or deflected, but notice I said “my ex” I couldn’t do it anymore, luckily we didn’t have children together, but I would say don’t make your fiancé your husband, it’s only going to continue. I’m sorry you’re going though all this and I do hope it gets better. If not, don’t feel guilty leaving, you’ve given him many chances and talked multiple times. Whatever you do, good luck

Take off for a weekend for alone time and make him care for his child. He will see that just because you’re home all the time doesnt mean that you do nothing. Maybe he will appreciate you more. Sometimes it just takes an eye opener for him to see what goes on in the house when hes away at work.

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First off, get him to contribute to expenses. Seems his a free rider! Tell him straight that u cant b doing ALL d work esp at 9 months preg. U need rest n could hav2 go2 hospital any time. Stop doing housework for a day, esp his laundry. C how he reacts

Girl do u and ur kids there’s so much we can take u have to put a stop to it talk him about it and if he says u nagg then just u do u n ur kids and let him do himself and just wait and see everything will be worth it even if u love that person u can’t let them hurt ur feeling and not care or have communication if he says he loves u he will have to show u not just some days but every day

Just leave him alone let him be he wants to ignore you ignore him. Take your kiddo to the park to play (if able to do so) or get little board/video games you and your baby can play together don’t even make yourself available to him in most cases if he wanna act like a roommate treat him as such don’t stress yourself out over someone who wants to be a child.

This is what my marriage is like I’m 62 so I except it…he is who he is at least he’s home and not out cheating on you.

Will he tell a doctor?

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Your guy hasn’t grown up yet. You need to give him a wake up call, pack up your child and find yourself a stress free environment. This should be a very exciting time for the both of you. The arrival of the baby is going to add to your work load, and to be honest, I don’t see him stepping up to help you out. Ask yourself how many more days, months or years you want to live with a man child.

He’s wrong. Ur raising and growing humans. And seriously? He can’t be bothered to spend time with his family after work?! I’d be dumping that shit in the tub and maybe smashing it with a hammer too. Grown men are allowed to have an outlet, BUT when ur outlet is taking from ur family… Well, grow up.

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Sounds me and my husband. It feels like were roommates. And no matter how much i discuss it nothing changes. I plan on moving out as soon as im able. There is no reason to do everything by yourself when you have a partner. If you gotta do everything alone youre better off being alone. :100:

If the good out way the bad fix it but if that bad out way the good he doesn’t need to be husband. Seems like you’re trying to communicate and still nothing so don’t waste your time let him know what he’s missing.

There could possibly be someone else getting his attention I’m sorry to say… especially if it’s just his game and phone he is using and doesn’t wanna spend time with you…or his child

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Ur paying ur bills urself and he don’t pay nothing I would tell him to get the hell out

You are living my life except we have 4 children together.

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Leave his but he wi ll learn fast when u get him for child support he will miss out…

Don’t get married is all I’m saying. You feel like a roommate cause he interested in someone else most likely. Therefore you’re not his first priority. That’s not a MAN, move on, find you a real man.

Run! You are not a roommate or their mom. Find passion again elsewhere its a more expensive mistake it you continue forward

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girl get out now it wont get better and if it does get better he’ll need a rude awakening like you leaving to make that happen… don’t wait around waiting for him to change that may never happen, make a choice for you and your kids…

He’s just your oldest kid. Kick him out.

How do you pay your bills without a job?

Hes emotionally unavailable unfortunately

What does this have to do with nails?

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Question: do u love him more than yourself? If ya then u should reevaluate things.

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Tell him to man up or move around cus sounds to me like his daddy husband skills need a little brushing up, i would throw a hissy fit kick scream cry laugh but dont allow that man to make u feel lonely!! Tell him the internet told you that!! Good luck and Sending Prayers your way for him to man up!!

He sounds like a narcissist with typical gaslighting technics. You cant change a narcissist there’s no remedy for narcissism. The best advice I can give you would be to simply leave before it gets any worse. It’s not fair to you and for your children to sit there and have to watch him treat you like that. I left my son’s father for allot of the same reasons but our situation got really complicated when he almost killed me Infront of our son. I handled my situation differently trying to fix it, trying to talk, I’d tell him I was gonna leave if things didn’t get better and he was drunk one night and I couldn’t get our son to fall asleep so I went to take him for a car ride and he snapped screaming about “you’re not leaving me”
I’m not saying this will happen to you and I pray to God it doesn’t it was literally the scariest might of my fucking life, but I’d be careful love those babies need you happy and healthy. :heart:

Cannot change someone. Be happy and even if that means you go it alone.

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I’d look into moving on. I know it’s hard and y’all have things together and it’s tough and you love him. It sounds like you’re already a little fed up though? Or starting in the process. Start doing little things for yourself. And then start making little things happen, leaving important documents at a friend’s, maybe finding a way to get a little income of your own down the road and saving it privately. It’s all doable love. It’s never going to change if it hasn’t. Because he isn’t willing to even admit there’s a problem, let alone work on it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You should feel loved and cherished. Not like a caretaker and a roommate.

He might be seeing somebody. I’d check it out

If They Would Just Let You Go…
is a fb page that helps with relationship problems as this. Check it out.

I have no advice but can u teach me how to pay my bills and groceries without working?! I could craft and paint and read and workout and clean and all the things I love to do all day instead of work :sob: p.s. good luck, some men just aren’t wired like that

bye bye…is this how you want to spend your life?

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Tune him out the same way. Don’t ask for or seek his attention. I always reverse roles to see if they care enough and show them exactly how I’m feeling.

Or try something one of these other women might suggest. If all else fails, move on.

My husband was like this. It took me telling him to get out for him to get his shit together but if he hadn’t we wouldn’t be together. I’m sorry you are going through this as it is the worst feeling. He is taking advantage of you

My advice is to wait until things calm down after you have your baby. Depression caused by pregnancy and childbirth is a real thing and can make you think and feel things you might not otherwise feel so strongly. If you wanna stay together, see if he will get counseling and if it helps. If not, you have your answer. But breaking up and moving is SO stressful and you don’t need that right now. You can still make up your mind right now and start the process internally of detaching from him as a partner and working on your own peace, and practicing lots of extra self care. When things calm down after a couple/few mos of the new baby being around, that’s probably a better time to make real decisions and start making real changes.

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You need something for yourself. Focus on some goals…you will not change him, that’s a lesson I definitely learned. Once you get where you need to be, either he’s with you and will step up or you have to make a decision on if you can tolerate this behavior possibly 5 years or more from now.

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Maybe you should go to counseling with him, communication is key in relationships, maybe he’s stressed about something and doesn’t know how to express it. I would definitely try to work with communication. Maybe talking isn’t his form of communication? I know when my husband is home from work he just wants a few minutes to decompress from his day and usually that’s through video games, sometimes he doesn’t realize why he’s so stressed until we find a quiet moment alone and I ask him, sometimes it takes days for him to realize he was acting off because of it.aybe he’s stressed about providing for your new baby? I’m just guessing here and I’m not condoning anything.

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All I can say is that he needs to grow up and you should be less “available”… I went through something similar and with the mind set he is in talking to him isn’t going to do much! He’s emotionally unavailable right now so repeating yourself is gunna go in one ear & out the other… He’s acting like this because you continue to push so he thinks you’re always just gunna be there. Make plans! Hang out with friends! Go to the park or Beach and just sit outside! Enjoy YOURSELF! Hopefully he will get his head out of his ass and start treating you right again because nobody deserves to go through this!

I would leave! Feeling like that sucks, and it’s not fair to you.

Wait he works and does t contribute to the rent or bills? Im confused.

My advice is its over honey. Accept it for what it is.

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Sorry but your best thing to do is to move on because this sounds like me…wasted 10years… now I’m with someone who contributes to bills and house hold chores and loves my kids like they are his. It will be hard!!! But you can do it!! Because I sure was able to!!

It wont change. So you either choose to deal with it or leave. Counseling is an option as well. Good luck to you.

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Erica my god. It’s so familiar.

I bet he gone WAna talk n communicate when he want some :cat:
#TUH

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Find something In common me and my guys both love games and anime.i can’t play games because I watch the kids and my youngest is 1 but we watch anime together everyday

If you want to be happy put yourself first /he’ll only change when you make it clear either change and interact with his family or he’s going to loose you and the kids and stick to it you deserve a man who want to be present in your life.

I wouldn’t even call him a roommate, roommates split all house duties, you are his maid and caretaker of his children.

He sounds like he doesn’t want to see you or hear from you…just do everything he needs and stay in the background.

I wouldn’t say I do because he’s going to change after a month and probably for the worse

I would sit him down one more time and tell him. This is how I feel and I’m done feeling like this . If thing dont change and we cant be a team like we used to be them I’m gonna have to walk away . Make sure you find out what he is thinking and how he thinks things can be fixed . Try to see both side . If that dont work girl it’s time to walk away if you are gonna be alone mise well walk alone . Better to find out now before you get married .

Run! You can’t change someone and all you will end up doing is chipping away at yourself slowly until you feel empty and no longer even know who you are yourself. You deserve better.

Sounds like you two need to try counseling before deciding to get married. I don’t think there is somebody else. It sounds more like an addiction to video games and electronics, which happens so much nowadays. Perhaps also stress from a new baby coming along? Either way, if you love each other, fix it through counseling before listening to everybody telling you to run. Find out what it is that is really bothering him.

Thats all you can do is talk about it. If things dont get better then leave. And as for not being married yet… Dont!!!

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Coming from someone whose been there… that man doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with being a family. No matter what you say, how you say it or what you tell him, YOU’RE always going to be just “nagging”… that man doesn’t want the family life. He wants to single life. You deserve better. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can be happy. This is suppose to be your life long partner. If he can’t step up now as a fiance, he won’t as a husband.

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Just hearing your side of the situation, makes it kinda difficult to give advice!! I hear what you are saying, the main thing that is you putting your love and energy into your self!!! You can’t change a person or their mindset, ONLY your own… Do things that make you feel good about your self, finishing a book, get a massage, new hairdo, buy a new dress… etc!! Your close to having your second child together!! Congratulations :tada:!! You need all your energy love, don’t keep repeating yourself, do things differently, if you want to see a change!!! Take care​:dizzy:

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He’s not ready to be married much less to be a father. Honestly sounds like he may be cheating.

It’s easy to tell you to leave him ~ does he mistreat you, or your three year old? Do you need for anything other than attention! Is he out drinking every night or coming home drunk? Your pregnant, your hormones are are in shambles! Your feeling taken advantage of!Where are you going with a three year old and a new baby? My opinion only, can’t tell you what to do, but if I was in your shoes I’d stick it out for the kids sake ~ awhile longer if things don’t change then you go!

I’m going to share what I went through, that was kind of similar.
I was in a relationship and married to this man for 9 years. We had issues from the start with other women. That should have told me alone that he was not the one for me but I didn’t want to be alone. He proposed to me in terrible ways, when he was super super drunk, yeah I totally felt “special”… after years of paying all my bills… we split our bills like roommates, everything was split, even the groceries, I wondered why we didn’t act married, things became clearer. I spoiled my husband with EVERYTHING he wanted and I did not receive the same back… my birthdays?! I paid for my own! I did something special for him. I would have to beg him for love and attention to be called beautiful or something. He made me feel like crap. So when I realized I deserved better and wasn’t happy, I left him. Made him help me until I could get on my feet. He got manipulative. I saw his true colors and I very much dislike him now…
Now I’m in love and happy with whom I’m with.
Life is too short to stick around a person that doesn’t change or treat you the way you deserve. You’ve tried! It’s time to leave and make yourself happy!

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Guys deal with stress in their own ways. He could be overwhelmed and depressed and uses the video game to focus and tune out the rest of the world. If you can’t accept his shortcomings then you have no business marrying him or having any more babies. You’re hormones are raging and he has the stress of another mouth to feed. Learn how to be on the same team or regardless of how you feel in this moment it won’t work out down the road. I feel bad for your kids because their life has just started and it’s already unstable.

You better not marry him he will only be worse after that

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Fuck hiimmmm byyyyeee

Sounds like your with a little boy who wants to make babies and ignore the rest of his life he made. I know being pregnant doesn’t help, but have the baby, get your life into a routine and say bye to the boy

I think maybe if you snap out on them and say I shouldn’t have to pick up after your but every time I’m 9 months pregnant carrying your child and yet just because you work you think you have an advantage over me excuse me but I’m not your Molly Maid service if you want to made go live with your mother. Give him a piece of your mind if he don’t like it or if he doesn’t want to be a part of your family then tell him to leave there’s the door

Tell him to quit sticking it where he don’t want to be in the long run

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Don’t ever marry someone thinking they will change. And don’t stay with them just because you share children. If you are unhappy, then leave. Everyone deserves to be happy and better to start on that now than later.

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Dump him. Women need to make better choices on who they have kids with. If he ignores you now, he will ignore those kids. What kind of father figure is that? Go find yourself a real man that will help you raise those kids as a family. Fiance is not husband. Don’t have kids with people you aren’t tied to legally.

What you start with, is what you get!! Move on girl. We do it everyday. Find appreciation

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He’s a child. I did this for ten years. Never again. I found my soul mate after him and he accepts my child. Don’t give up. You’ll be in pain forever. Do what’s best for you and the babies. Let him know what he lost. You’ll find love again :black_heart: I did

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Sounds more like an ex fiancé.

My suggestion is to sit down and talk to him tell him this just isn’t working but I would like you in our children’s lives can we work this out but not being together

Ah counseling time. It’s definitely worth it. I wish my husband and I had done it before we got married.

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Treat him like a roommate and stop giving him chon chon

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Why is this my everyday life as well :roll_eyes: I’ll be honest…. I’m getting tired of it. I hate being told “ at least he’s at home playing video games and not out doing other stuff” like…… that literally is the lamest shit I have ever heard.

Go do your own thing. This applies even at home. And leave some messes there if he doesn’t want to help. I know it’s difficult to watch things build up but you shouldn’t have to do everything. Throw the ball in his court.

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Why do you love him now?

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Since you are already doing this by yourself …go ahead and do it by yourself …looks like you can handle it. 5 year FIANCE’ and 2 babies …Come on Queen …Snap out of it .

If you feel along then you might as well be alone - I’m a living witness that you will sleep better and be less stressed.

You say you’re paying all of the bills- what’s the point of having him around?

You’ll get over it and the kids will to.

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Please belive them when they show you who they are. Watch their actions and not their words.

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Sometimes I feel like this… grant it I know he loves me& his child(currently 7mos pregnant). But I don’t work either due to being so sick in the beginning of my pregnancy I had to quit my job because I felt unreliable& thought it wasn’t fair to the company I was working for! When he comes home we’ll watch Netflix together in bed while he plays video games. Sometimes I feel like I’m a burden because I’m not making the $ I use too :persevere::disappointed: but when we first got together I was the only one working… He’s changed& gotten a job since he found out I was pregnant to give me a break from the work force, I miss it because I get bored& lonely being at home all the time. I get maybe 2-4hrs a night with him& he sleeps til 10:45-11am every morning& leaves for work at 12pm.

Maybe ask him if he’s really still committed to the relationship. Maybe he’s overwhelmed with things at work, or just overwhelmed with life in general. I’m not making excuses, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to ask questions. May not get the answers you’re wanting to hear or looking for, but it’s better to know now then later

Nope, time to go! He doesn’t want the responsibility of a family, he needs to grow up and I seriously don’t think you should hang around and wait for that to happen, you’ll be waiting a long time for nothing

new rules. just like you would with kids, negotiate. make deals with him. he has certain nights and you get certain nights, then add a family night. I promise. it works.