Go on a small vacation in the woods or somewhere by a body of water. No tv or phones. Peace and quiet will free you minds and you will be free to communicate.
Been there, done that. A man should only become a husband if he does husband duties. That means putting away the game and enjoying time with his family. If he can’t be bothered to step up for the mother of his children, he won’t step up as a husband. You can’t change a man, but you can find a man who’s better suited for you that’ll give you the things he doesn’t-love, attention, and affection. Working a job is a something an adult does whether it brings it money or being a stay at home parent. Money doesn’t equal love and appreciation for you or your children.
He isn’t going to get better after marriage
Don’t waste your time!
Your boyfriend sounds just like my husband sometimes i feel you girl 🥲
Story of my entire life
I wish i could help but Im in same boat just not pregnant. Its been going on 15years. So if your gonna learn anything from me is dont let it go on as long as I have. It just slowly eats you away. Its easier to be by yourself and alone than being with some one you love and alone. Sending love. Xx
Yeah that’s never gonna change, so if what he does pisses you off now… definitely don’t sign up to deal with it forever.
I’m not trying to be rude, but fiance? For 5 yrs? Get married already, God is not going bless y’all while you choose to live in sin. ’s
He isn’t interested. He is just staying with you
Seems like your already doing it by yourself. You guys are supposed to be a team. Seems like he’s not interested anymore and is now just using you for a place to stay. I get you love him but evidently the feeling isn’t mutual. It would be best for you to end it first b4 you come home and he’s already packed up and left without a word. So by you letting him go, it will be easier for you to grieve and move on and maybe its what needs to be done for him to mature. If it was meant to be, then he will do anything to better himself but if he doesn’t, then you know for sure that he won’t change and can move on. Relationships aren’t easy, best of luck to you.
I’d start making plans for yourself. Volunteer at a place, go once a week to dinner with friends or play dates etc while he’s on home time. Matt Boggs is a good channel to watch on you tube. He says getting into the mundane same ol same ol everyday routine can kill a relationship etc men are attracted more to a woman that has her own life / hobbies outside of the relationship. You can’t force a man to spend time with you or want you around sadly he has to literally want it
Best of luck I hope it works out either way!
He is still a child himself, probably will never grow up. With new baby, I bet you see him less.
Time to move on…he will never be the man that you and your kids need.
Some of these comments are crazy.
Was he like this before you were pregnant? Is he scared for another new baby?
Why these days when things are broken do we just give up?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum! My fiance feels like a roommate to me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Get interested in the video games try something he likes
Girl I’m in the same boat. It def sucks.
He sounds like a child…. But if you want to try and make it work, find something you both like perhaps. Sorry you’re in that situation. He definitely needs to be an adult and clean up after himself!
If he feels like a roommate don’t make him a husband
Can I ask how u are getting any money?
Whatever you do don’t marry the guy. Make a plan and get out when you are able.
He sounds very childish. Give him an ultimatum. Grow up and start acting like a grown man and start helping out or get out.
It’s not gonna get any better!!! Start treating him like a roommate!
I would highly suggest after the baby is born to get a job. Get some income comming in and give him a chance to change or move on
Red flag to me…sorry you are in that situation…Don’t marry him
If he’s moaning about giving you a bit of help then tell him to buck his ideas up or go, he’s meant to be a family man, games comes when jobs are done and little people are sorted
Doesn’t get better it only gets worse . Plan for your own future without him
I was in the exact situation. I’ve been out for a year and I’m so happy! I wouldn’t look back!
Try to compromise, after a long week video games are his relaxation! Idk the whole situation, but sounds like at least hes home n not going out alla time
You have 3 kids sis.
It’s a pattern that will continue
He’s using you! fiance for 5 years? with 2 babies???
Not trying to be rude but you’re fooling yourself girlfriend! He’s not going to marry you. And why would you want to marry him because you know nothing’s going to change. You need to get out and move on with your life and find yourself a real man. You wasted too much time already. Blessings!
Do the kids n you ignore him n he can get up n handle his own til he has time for you
Get rid of him. He sounds like an
a$$hole and things won’t get better.
What’s the point of being with someone who don’t help you… you’re with someone and they’re with you cuz u both wanted a loving, caring, and helping partner. If they’re just there cuz of convience and feeling comfortable, then with or without them you know you’ll do just fine.
If you have a engagement give it back to him sn say YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY engaged to your
Girl have you ever heard of the expression, absence makes the heart grow fonder? I know you’re pregnant and being alone while pregnant sucks. But it sounds like that’s the boat you’re in anyway. So i say do YOU! Go out, get your hair done (a simple trim and/or blow out goes a long way and is inexpensive), go eat ALONE! Get your pedicure! Grab coffee with a girlfriend! Have your own life outside of him. Take your baby to the park and play! Let him feel your absence. And i promise you’ll see a change. You may not like what the change is but if you want things to move forward that’s how you do it. He’ll either adapt and be a participant in the relationship or he won’t and the relationship will end. But you deserve that peace. And if it doesn’t work out with this man, you’re at least creating space for someone in your life that can potentially treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
He’s very immature, I would give it a try separate for a while. Let him know you need some space & ask him to leave! I know easier said then done… Or maybe you could go stay with family for a bit.
Your first mistake was not getting married before you decided to have sex-kids-or hook up with that selfih brat
His taking u for granted
My heart goes out, I’ve dealt with this for ten years, been together a total of 13 years. My fiance would always make an excuse of he’s trying but then puts zero effort in. He jus did less and less. It ended for me. Over a phone call. He was jus not good for me, and it killed me at first. But I knew I deserved better. So do you. If he refuses to cooperate tell him that you need couples therapy to break the communication barrier.
If you don’t work how do you pay bills and other things?
If that is the case exactly why is he there?
You say fiancé but how long?
And if it’s like this now what makes you think anything will change when you get a piece of paper?
And I’d think about having anymore kids…
That “having his cake and eating it too”
Will continue as long as you allow it.
Self worth is a must and??
Healthy boundaries…
Again???
A partner is a want not a need.
I wish I had advice but my husband of 8 years feels like a roommate and I’m his damn maid
Run run run. Any man that says your nagging while trying to express your feelings is not the man to be with. That’s a bouquet of red flags in this situation. Run
Nah kicks his ass to the curb if you paying and doing everything yourself than clearly you don’t need him he can pay child support and get the kids for 2-3 days so you can relax no point of keeping him
I’m leaving a 10 yr relationship for many of those very same reasons as you. Save yourself the aggravation and the waste of time. Now I’m in my late fifties Starting over again.
Sure you want to marry him?
He won’t change trust me. Your better off alone with your kids.
Time to move on. It’s over you deserve better. Go get it.
You’ll be happier on your own. But. It’s complicated I see. Have your baby. Hold on. Live for your kids and yourself. Make a happy life w/o this man. It’s there waiting for you. Take courage. Don’t settle. You have a whole beautiful life ahead of you. You can do it! Don’t let him steal your happiness and most importantly don’t let him. God bless.
If you are paying the bills, taking care of the 3yo, 9mo pregnant, etc and he is acting this way… why have him around??? Showing signs of a deadbeat already, so ditch him, sue for child support and that gets you more help than what you currently have with a loser hanging about playing video games.
Been there done that 4 long miserable years, thanking God no kids , I wouldn’t let him move in , thanking God, he finally found his old buddy moved to Florida, its hard but you’ll be at peace , say goodbye… best wishes forward, you n yours deserve the best …
I’m all for both of yall paying expenses together, BUT…you are 9 months pregnant. And he can’t pay while you’re not able to work? And video games are cool, BUT…after all work and family duties are finished. Him being ok with you for a couple days, JUST to placate you so you’ll stop “nagging” him? Not cool at all. If yall been together 5 years and have 2 kids and he’s still acting like this, it’s a safe bet it’s going to continue and just get worse. Hope it doesn’t, but probably will. Make sure you have money saved for you and the kids in case things so south fast. The kids are the priority, not him. Good luck hun.
He’s selfish …I would move on …
Don’t ;you think you deserve more than that…we only have one life…don’t you think you want to spend it with someone that takes care of you and adores you instead of being someones part time…
You’re not nagging sis. Give him an ultimatum. You’ll see how he really feels
You deserve better than that… He’s never going to change I don’t know how video games could be more important than the person you’re supposed to be in love with
Some man does not deserve to be dad. Man who just can’t lift his ass to help pregnant wife is infantile and he is not going to make any changes, he likes it that way.
Everyone can tell you to leave but you won’t leave. You would’ve left by now. If you’re paying all the bills and doing everything around the house then why stay? Because you love him? Ok maybe you do love him but that man doesn’t love you. He may be comfortable and not want you to leave and beg you to stay but that’s only because he’s grown accustomed to you cleaning up after him and treating him like a king while you act like his slave. leave because the more miserable you are the more toxic it is to your kids.
Move on. He’s selfish and immature. He isn’t going to change. Trust me, I know from 16 years of experience. Nothing is probably ever his fault, don’t fall for that shit. Have a happier life alone or with someone who deserves you.
He sounds like a giant man-child. He has no interest in telling u how he really feels, because he knows it may cause a permanent breakup. And for whatever his reasons are, such as maybe he can’t afford to live on his own, he stays. U may be deeply in love with him, and it sounds like he cares about u to a point, but is not in love with u. And it also sounds like he resents the fact u “don’t work.” Most (mainly) men don’t realize how much work many stay-at-home moms do. And it’s a 24/7, thankless job, without monetary pay, and many times, only resentment and judgement. Since uv tried numerous times to talk with him about this, it doesn’t sound like he will change. He is quite content to work (is away from home) and come home and play video games (escape while at home). If I were u, I’d make some future plans for u and ur children. Ur baby will be here soon. Raise the kids. See if u can move in with someone (ex: parents), but make a plan. Perhaps u can go to college or a trade school. Please don’t go into a field that pays little. Really put ur time and effort into researching and choosing a high-paying field (maybe nursing, dental hygientist, etc.) so that u can always support urself and ur children and never have to depend on anyone else ever again. Let ur situation be the motivation/drive to reaching ur goals. I wish u luck.
Tell him to pound sand and be done with that! You and your kids deserve better!
Sorry to say it sounds like he doesn’t see his behavior as a problem he sees your lack of accepting and being ok with “how it is” as the problem and is waiting for you to just shut up about it…
He sounds like a kid to me and you can do just fine or even better without him just you and the kids
Whats to love about him if he acts like this. Get rid of him u shouldn’t have to beg for love & attention or for him to help out. Love isn’t supposed to hurt…
He’s gaslighting you. And it’s not you, it’s him.
Just because you love someone don’t mean you got to be with him
Simply stated you’re just there because he doesn’t want to pay child support. Chances are he’s probably been cheating on you for sometime now. I asked a guy friend of mine about this and he said " 5 years is a long time and he probably doesn’t want to start all over again with someone else plus the kids are there. Honestly tho, shes just convenient for him."
Love is not enough. Commitment to the care and nurturing of the relationship has to also be occurring.
You’re bothered that’s not happening. He’s not.
You’re an unmarried woman and there’s better fish in the sea. Toss this one back.
Who do you love more, him or yourself? I know it’s a hard question but your feelings matter. If he is acting like this at the expense of your feelings he does not appreciate you. He is being disrespectful. He is being emotionally unavailable. Sounds like it time to start making plans to move on with your life. Being room mates is fine if that is what both parties have agreed to. Don’t ignore your needs. You are important. I hope you find the strength to let him go. He has already left the building anyway.
Get oit while you can and don’t waste precious time because he will NEVER change
Take it from someone who did this for over 25 years … I know it’s easier said than done but move on . obviously you can do this without him, all he will do is let you drown in the coming exhaustion. Give your self and little ones a chance at a happy life! That you all deserve! I completely agree with giving him an ultimatum. But not for a few days a complete turn around and if not you can say you gave it your all and not look back and say what if…. Happiness is ahead for you… Trust you Journey! This has become my motto
I will not tell you to leave your husband that is very easy for everyone else to say because they don’t love him like you do y’all should seek counseling it could be something there that neither one of y’all even realized you need to work on this my advice
He would be an ex-fiancé with what you described
Be glad you’re not married.
I’m so sorry. You feel alone because you ARE alone.
Don’t marry him. This is what your married life will be like.
Just because you love him, does not mean he can treat you this way. You are not ‘Nagging’ you are explaining your feelings and if he cant see that, won’t work on making things better for the family, then it wont improve. You need to decide… What’s your worth?
Ignore him (not silent treatment but no asking about his day etc Treat him how he treats you. One of two things will happen; 1. he’ll pull his head out of his a$$ or 2. You’ll realize your ability to do it alone.
WHY are you settling for less?Appears he is comfortable with the living arrangements because that’s what you allow. Five years is a long time to be a fiancé. He need to go. Love him from afar
Just gonna get worse with two kids. People like him don’t change .
Think better of yourself and your children ,hard call do what you have to, follow your head,not your heart,can you look after 3 children?
If you stay understand he will only treat you as crappie as you allow him to. He can’t walk on you if you don’t lay down for it.
He won’t change until he’s lost enough to want to.
Sorry dear… been down this road. It took me 10 years to figure out what love WASN’T.
I’d tell you to move on but with a child on the way, that even sounds too cold to say.
If it means anything, I left him after 10 years and three kids.
I ended up meeting the man I’ve been with for 26 years, and married to, for 20 years.
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers… <3
How do you pay all the bills ? Is he thinking he’s doing more financially . He deserves to do what ever because he works outside the home?
Maybe on a weekend let him have all day Saturday to Sunday evening. Looking after a child , cooking food , dishes , house work , laundry .
A leopard never changes its spots!
If ur not getting back the love, emotional,mental, or physical u r putting into it then u need to walk away and learn to be alone or find better… U deserve to be happy not roommates… Hope it works out for all…
If he feels like a roommate now ,wait till your married…not good
Ignore him too,at times giving one a dose of their medicine works perfectly well!..and thus thing called love,women saying I love him…sister, you’re NOT to love BUT obey and be submissive BUT don’t be a fool or a slave!
That’s “manchild” i left mine years ago and wish that I left him at beginning even he claimed he will change but never. He will be stay being “manchild” you need a real man
I was always taught people will treat you how you let them. You both sound like you need counseling and there is nothing wrong with that. If you leave with two children, he will not have money to buy games once he pays his child support.
From my experience he is a hobosexual using you for z free place to stay until he finds the next best thing.
I’d offer a slightly different approach. Let your pregnancy be done smoothly, meanwhile don’t stress yourself over any minor things that can be let gone. You literally described every husband where we wives end up feeling frustrated. Just pick your battles, things are meant to change with kids coming in picture. Just allow yourselves some quality time over the weekends where there’s no talk about house, kids or problems, just you two having a great time. Wish you all the best…
He doesn’t love you anymore. After you have the baby, leave and take him to court for child support.
I don’t know why you’re with him when you say this…“I’m currently not working, but I pay all my bills plus groceries by myself still.” What does he contribute to? Does he help with the kid you have now? Pay rent, anything???
He sounds like he’s a Video Gamer. You’re in need of friends / get involved with things that interest you. or start playing games with him on video!!
Mom of 5 here . First thing is not the relationship but the agreement . Was there one ? I assume if your getting married ( Fiancé) you have discussed finances , delegating life’s chores , children , sex , raising the children such as religion , discipline, education and basic short term and long term goals . Correct ? Cause if y’all haven’t done that and your on baby #2 , you set yourself up to be treated like a mama . Not even a room mate . Marriage is a contract to join together for a union . But parenthood : that’s signing up for a life time of raising another human . One that sees and learns from its environment . Pregnancy can cause one to feel totally alone . No body understands me . I do everything . Depression due to weight , feelings of mot being attractive , neediness , over emotional etc while leaving the mate feeling not loved , not needed , sex often stops causing feelings of being unattractive etc . My suggestion is get a sitter or find alone time and without any me or I , talk out a plan . Even if the marriage plans fail , he is forever the father of the children . Regardless of his failures to do so . It’s worth the investment because your 2 kids deep . But also worth stepping out if it can’t be fixed because your 2 kids deep . The second choice , still doesn’t rid you of the problem . So invest a lot in the first choice .
I was in this situation. Except I wasn’t pregnant, working full time as well so I was providing equal if not even more. Eventually I saw my worth and left him. I was also with him for 5 yrs. I wasn’t able to finish my comment and hit post lol. But anyway. You are amazing for doing all this and more. After I left my ex fiance I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks later. No I didn’t take him back. I put my momma pants on and moved on without him. If he doesnt want to be a father then that’s his problem. My babies have what they need with me and more. You can do anything you put your mind to. What motivated me was my kids. They get to watch me be HAPPY and enjoy life. Let them see you be happy. Let them see you cry. Its okay. You have a right to feel how you do. But remember. They’re watching you you know what to do ⚘
Get a sitter and ho out w the girls. Make sure he knows that you’re lonely and if he doesn’t have time for you you will go hang out w your friends who do. It will open his eyes up quickly. Im not saying to cheat, just saying right now he is acting like you have no choice but to put up w his bs. You do have a choice. It might take more than one time, but he needs to know that it takes effort to keep you happy.
PS hanging out w the girls can be movie night at their house etc. U don’t have to drink to have fun, but make sure to dress up n do ur makeup just to make him wonder.
PPS. This isn’t playing games, actually cheating would be. Don’t do that. You do need to get his attention though and what you are doing right now isn’t working. Men respond better to actions than words.
I would suggest that you give him some time to do what he wants like gaming while saying we need these things done this week or weekend and we need family time and 1-1 time as well as I need some time to myself to do what I want to do and you tend to our child. He deserves to have some him time as much as you need some too. He’s feeling nagged and you’re feeling left out so make a fair compromise so you both are getting your needs met. It isn’t about just you or just him it’s about compromising to a family unit that involves multiple people. Idk how old you guys are or what type,of,upbringing you each had so it may be that he just doesn’t know much about family units and how to spread out his time to make everyone happy. If he is unwilling to compromise then idk that would be up to you on where to take it from there.
5 years two kids and your still his fiance. If that doesn’t wake you up then duh