My fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I have a soon-to-be six-year-old daughter. He has been a big part of her life since she was three years old. She loves him with all of her heart, and he is VERY good with her. he loves her too. He was helping her, reading books every night to her, painting her nails, letting him carry her on his shoulders, guiding her, comforting her and the whole nine yards. Her biological dad is in the picture, and we have 50/50 custody. My fiancee has always wanted to be a dad and a husband. He has always said the greatest blessing in life is to be a good husband and a good father. Well, we were trying for a baby to no avail. He went to the Dr and found out he cannot have children. I can’t imagine how painful that is for a person, especially someone who has always dreamed of it. However, he makes comments about it all the time. How the one thing he wanted he can’t have. How he will never be complete. How we’re not a real family. I feel like he holds back with my daughter, especially after finding that out. I understand that he’s in pain, but it hurts, and it feels like we will never be enough for him. I just want him to be happy with what we have and feel happy putting his all into our little family. I feel like there he is less connected to my daughter now that he find out she won’t be “his bio child’s” sister. IDK I just feel like we aren’t good enough often, advice?
He needs professional help to deal with his loss. he’s grieving the death of a dream that he’s held for a while and it’s just as real as losing a child/spouse/parent. Let him know you and your daughter love him and comfort him and if and when you can, suggest he talk to someone and explore his grief and come to terms with it. He can heal, it’s just going to take some time and some work.
Therapy, therapy, therapy. This is probably one of the most difficult moments in his life and will need a professional to help him grieve properly, but also understand that this opens other possibilities. First, he’ll have to accept it and move on after grieving but this might take a year or multiple years. After, he might be open to the idea of adopting, but like I said, it’ll take a while since this was one of his goals in life and some men feel like this is their lifetime achievement to reproduce. He’ll still need lots of love from you and your daughter.