basically I’ve been with my fiance for eight years he’s done me wrong hundreds of times, and I’ve just stuck by him. We have children together but its not like what it was before, anyway we started to get to know some new friends earlier this year, and we’ve become very good friends with a lad and me and this lad have so much in common, and I get butterflies thinking about him and we sit up and talk on the PlayStation and play games all night, he has been flirty with me and I’ve done it back but not in a obvious way. He tells me I’m his best friend and he’s always there for me whenever I need him he’ll help me, and we’ve become very close to the point my partners starting to say something about our closeness, I don’t know what to do like I cannot stop thinking about him but I don’t want to tell him even though I know he possibly feels the same he doesn’t want to go behind my partners back and upset him, and I don’t want to tell my fiance sorry, but I really like your friend? And if we were to tell each other and everyone was to find out it would start a lot of trouble x
My fiance has treated me wrong many times and I am starting to have feelings for someone else: Advice?
Ur a product of what you tolerate!
My recommendation would be to end one relationship before beginning another
Honesty is the better way ? If you’re seriously not happy r haven’t been for period of times then be straight up n truthful I’d say ,
Honesty is the best policy darlin Xx much luck to you
Always go with your heart! If you are unhappy in a relationship its always best to be honest with him! After that you can see where the other relatinship will go. Dont intermingle the two thats not fair to any of you! Good luck and god bless!
If you’ve felt this way for a long time walk away…don’t just stay because of your kids or financial issues …that would be using him til something better came along …if that’s how you truly feel don’t waste your or his time …or maybe your in a rut and need to do something together??
Weather you have feelings for someone else is irrelevant. Why would you tolerate abuse and for so long. You and your children deserve better. What are you teaching your children. What type of example are you setting for them? Focus on getting a healthier you by leaving behind the trash. You need to heal.
Ugh. I’ve been in this situation. Think long term and think about the children. You also may want to have a face to face conversation with your fiance about it too. The truth is hard but doing the right thing is the best thing.
Finish one chapter before you start another.
Bullshit! You’re looking for excuses for your behaviour.You need to stop ANY contact with this man immediately and either fix or finish your current relationship.Might not be physical yet but your pretty much already cheating😠
You have children, but play on PlayStation all night? Seems a little strange but fair play to you. End one relationship before you start another. You’re having emotional affair by the looks of it. Make up your mind.
It’s better to bring it up n b open than to have him find out the hard way. It’s going to suck either way
You sound codependent.
Building the motivation to leave someone by finding someone else is an inability to tolerate and love yourself enough to move on.
Youll do it again, and again.
It appears that this newly formed friendship is making you explore and remember different enjoyable areas of your life. It is exposing the deficiencies in your present love life. Well you only live once so go with who is treating you right! But ask questions and do not assume that this new friend shares ur feelings. Be well but first and foremost get away from the abuse! ASAP!
I think you might better think long and hard about what you are doing.The grass is not always greener on the other side.
You have no problem with him for the entire 8 years, but now realize u r just tolerating him when this new lad appear. Leave him because u wanna leave him, not because of this new guy.
Could be lust though, hes giving you attention and making you feel things you probably havent in a while. If you really like him, end it with your guy and take time before you jump on the wagon.
And this is why when you’re in a relationship that isnt good you should value yourself enough to leave. Not stay and wait until someone better comes along and you put yourself in this situation. Leave bc you’re not happy period. Otherwise you’re just settling and end up cheating. You’re already there emotionally and mentally
Honesty is the best policy.
Sounds like you need to move on from your 8 yr “fiancee” and find someone that makes you happy. Leave him first for you!!
Personally, I would be like “Ok, at the very least, this means the person I’m with, isn’t right for me. So first, I have to deal with that. Once I have handled that, I can then think about taking action with this other individual.”
You have to do it in order. One by one. Or it’ll be too messy and both things will really suck/not be great.
plain & simple: you do what’s best for YOU & fuck what ANYONE else thinks… the only person you should be thinking about feeling any type of way other than yourself is your children.
Eight years, children and he hasn’t married you yet? I’d say there’s serious commitment issues you should be looking at and stop worrying about another relationship!
Umm sorry, but it’s not all about you and your feelings…you don’t explain what you mean when you say he did you wrong…that can mean almost anything; especially when someone is trying to justify shady behavior on their part. You have made some sort of commitment with this man who you have been with for 8 years…at least enough to have children with him. During all of these many episodes of him doing you wrong have you tried to work on your relationship with him? Have you sought counseling? Have you discussed with him your unhappiness? Right now you are infatuated with this other man…don’t confuse it for more than it is. If your relationship is truly over and you have given every chance to fix it then fine, move on, but you owe it to your current man to be up front and honest and don’t immediately jump into another relationship.
Finish one mess before you start another . Jeeze . Drama zone doesn’t have to be quite as bad .
Life is short , end what’s not working in your favor and do what makes you happy. If you were happy you wouldn’t be looking for happiness elsewhere.
Nowhere does it say that her fiance is abusive to her. She says he has done her wrong. You have been in this relationship for 8 years and have children. You should sit down with your fiance and discuss your relationship and what about it is wrong for you. You may need some individual and/or couples counseling. I would not end this relationship because of this new guy. End it only after you have done everything you need to do to determine if this relationship is worth saving or not.
Marriage is about commitment and working through the hard times. It’s not always fun and there aren’t butterflies. Time to grow up and fix the relationship you have, you have kids that would benefit from this. My opinion 100 percent changes if he was an abuser to you or the kids.
You are doing co dependent behavior. Staying with someone that’s done you wrong but now someone has come along you can move on to and attach to. Do yourself and your kids a favor get therapy learn to stand on your own. If the current partner is mistreating you do what you need. But relationship hopping isn’t the fix. And if that guy is flirting with you and you have a partner says something about him.
Leave him before he’s ur husband.quick fix
Don’t leave one for the other. Break up with fiance, take some time alone, and date a bit. Don’t play dirty, be classy.
Get out now and figure out yourself! You will know your heart then!
Think about your kids. Do what you need to do to better their lives. You don’t need a man for that, but you do need a support system. Leave the abuse and take time for yourself and your babies. If he’s that interested he will wait for you to be ready.
Do not do it behind his back if you’re not happy leave if u go behind his back u will be caught in a love triangle to where u will be confused and go back and forth it’s not worth it just leave
I think you already know your answer before you asked.you don’t think about someone else while you are in a happy relationship,it dosnt matter if you have kids that’s not a reason to let yourself be unhappy,it’s time to move on with those butterflies:)
You should talk with your fiance and maybe figure out the problems he’s been having to treat you the way he has been since you say he has wronged you. Lay it all out on the table and try to come to a solution. Maybe he’s having problems he thinks you couldn’t understand. But whatever the reasons you guys need to talk it out before you decide to cheat on him…you are already halfway there btw mentally and emotionally. Good luck
What you need is no man. Dont jump from one to another… find yourself… once you do u will realize you deserve so much better.
Leave your fiancée move on he us no good for you
If your not happy with him Tell him don’t just stay with him and chat up other guys… you wouldn’t like it done to you.
Time means nothing. You can be in that relationship for the 8 years and feel nothing, turn around and meet (new guy) and have him treat you like a queen. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you were meant to meet this guy? You never know. Never settle if you’re not happy. You gotta do what it takes to truly be happy
8 years, no marriage, and treats you wrong? move on. you’re wasting time. don’t play wife for a man who doesn’t deserve it when you can be an actual wife to a loving man.
You have already went behind his back in my eyes. You both know what it is your doing. Emotional cheating.
I pray you can step back to actually get clarity for this.
You have to fall in love everyday with your husband or loved one.
Its a choice.
Dont cheat on the one your with right now leave and later.on if you feel the same way about.this man then ok cause.you could just be doing this on a rebound do what’s right.in.your heart.good luck
Be true to yourself or its gonna consume you, just be honest with yourself only you can make you happy so if your current partner dont contribute to it then be real and move on but only you control your Happiness and if its pulling you else where you need to follow your heart, better said follow your intuition love is meant to be beautiful!! Dont cheat tho!! Karma is real!!
have a talk with your fiancé. not so much about the other guy but about your relationship. that you aren’t happy etc.
this is why often men cheat. they are unhappy in their relationship and when they meet a woman that gives them all that attention, doesn’t complain etc they cheat. maybe it’s not butterflies it’s just the feeling of being appreciated by someone.
and if your fiancé isn’t the one for you anymore then leave. but stay single and find yourself.
you have kids also you can’t jump from man to man.
The worst thing that you can do is leave your partner no matter what, for another person… if you are not happy with him leave him because you need to leave him, not because someone else’s giving you butterflies… that’s never work… the healthy way to start a new relationship is starting clean and free from any bad feelings or experiences from your past relationship… be happy with yourself first, your happiness and what you deserve it doesn’t depend on anyone but you. …
8 years being engaged???
You need to end one relationship before you begin another. Also, think carefully about what the effect will be in your children. Once we have children, it’s never about us again. It always has to be what is best for them. You know this is more than a friendship. Do you think he feels something beyond friendship? Think carefully. Don’t involve yourself any further until you have time to think this over properly.
Figure your stuff out with your husband first( if it’s going to be worked on or separating), than give yourself time to heal and your children time to get use to the new adjustment. Keep playing Xbox and be friends but go slow and steady.
Maybe you’re the problem too. I mean listen to you. PlayStation? Maybe grow up, act like adults that have children to raise instead of gaming for starters. Then maybe remember the same feelings you had for the partner you have and find ways to get that back.
What you’re feeling is LUST…it’ll go away also. WTF is an 8 yr fiance?? PLAYSTATION romance?? Are you really serious or yanking our chains?? I don’t think there is any advice except GTFU and get a job. You won’t have time for playstation all night! geesh
Id like to know how old you are, you met thru PlayStation and youre up all night talking to him?? You said you have kids, whis taking care of them? Also you are bored, get off the game and be more productive at growing yourself to find yourself
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You didn’t marry, yet you had children. No respect man.
If your fiance has done wrong by you before, he will do it again. I think it’s time for a break. You need to step back and reevaluate your life. Is who your with really who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Does he really make you happy? Or could things be better? Make sure you and your kids are happy before you say I do
Ditch the fiance, even if you don’t go to the other guy. But I would suggest telling him how you feel also.
End current relationship , rebuild yourself , and then move forward.
Stop talking to the friend before it leads into cheating. If you really want to throw your relationship away then just break up with Fiance.
Even though your current relationship isn’t what it used to be, doesn’t mean the grass is greener on the other side. This guy could be “so amazing” now but what happens at the first sign of trouble and he bails. If he’s willing to have a flirty relationship with you knowing you have a fiance, why wouldn’t he have that same relationship with someone else if you got together. If you’re not happy then end your current relationship, but don’t jump ship right away. Take time to find yourself again and you might come to find you might not have as much in common with this friend as you think.
If your not happy you need to leave your relationship. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
Leave! Follow your heart
If you have kids how do you manage to stay up all night playing games? I can barely function with getting sleep. Also, end current relationship. You’re obviously unhappy. And you dont need to jump into another relationship. This guy is a rebound. Someone who is just making you happy while you feel unhappy.
You don’t have to stay with anyone who treats you badly.
If you have feelings for someone else, is your relationship even worth it?
The fact u are even thinking about someone else is a huge sign that u are not content w who u r with. If he has done u wrong n still doing u wrong, u need to leave. Then u need to chill out n just do for u and the kids. When the time is right, u will wind up with someone…not neccesarily meaning the guy u r crushing on now. Isnt healthy to leave one relationship to jump into another. Again, your kids come 1st, but u also g2make sure u r right ALONE b4 u r able to have another relationship. I think u need to just do u for right now n just let shit happen. If u ain’t happy, then u g2g
If your fiancé done you wrong so many times then I’d say you lost some sort of feelings for him each time he did it. You need to end your relationship, take some time to yourself & move on. If you truly love someone then you won’t have eyes for anyone else.
Um ur cheating. Break up !!
1 you’re already emotionally cheating before marriage. I wouldnt get married…clearly youre not inove with your partner.
He doesn’t want to go behind his friends back but he already has by flirting with you. Just because your fiance has done you wrong many of times doesn’t mean you should do him wrong. Obviously you have forgave him because he’s your fiance. You and this friend just need to stop.
Honey if after 8 yrs he hasn’t married you he don’t consider you wifely material
Okay I’m not going to sit here and shit on you. I feel like OP already knows it isn’t right. But you truly need to leave. Regardless of whatever happens with your friend you need to break it off with your boyfriend.
What you are describing is emotional CHEATING
Cheaters suck balls
Not happy where you are?
The grass isn’t always greener. The situation isn’t good obviously. But think for a moment what it would do to your children and your relationship with your children if you ended up leaving your fiancé to be with his friend. It’s never advisable to jump out of one mans bed into another. If you’re unhappy leave your current relationship, help your children get through that before working on a new relationship.
After 8 years? What are you thinking? You aren’t! Still in the stage of fiance? Better grow up before making any more blunders!
Some crushes are meant to be just that, and not acted upon. I would say, stay with fiance let him know your feelings and see if you could work on it, DO NOT mess with “friend” in any romantic way. Remain friends and if relationship with fiance doesn’t work out, split amicably. THEN, and only then should you think about the “friend” who more than likely will respect your commitment to your engagement and you as a woman. Some men are not trust worthy. Some just chase for the game of it all, then ghost you when they’ve gotten what they wanted. Be cautious. Think about your children.
Pick a side. You don’t get to have both. Fiance or friend.
Eight years should’ve ended after the first 2 1/2-3 it’s doesn’t take that long to know if he/she is your life partner. Cut your losses stop wasting any more of your time. Don’t be in a rush to jump into another relationship. YOU need to figure out YOUR WORTH and how NOT to settle for the things you have in the past 8 years. GOOD LUCK
Stop talking to his friend like that you really need to think about everything. Look at your relationship which sounds like its really over. Jumping form one ship to the next is really hard and self sabotaging. Give yourself time to know what you need and want out of life and get back on your feet.
If you no longer have feelings for your fiance and it’s to the point that you’re developing feelings for someone else and flirting, you need to leave. You’re emotionally cheating. If this new guy is flirting with you and actively pursuing you knowing that you have a fiance, that just shows what a lowlife he is. No decent man will pursue a woman that’s in a relationship. You’re wasting both your and especially your fiance’s time by staying with him. Everyone makes mistakes, but I feel like you’re trying to justify what you’re doing by saying that he’s done bad things to you, but you can’t ever justify cheating. Just leave. Even if you lose feelings for this new guy, you still need to leave your fiance, because you’re obviously so unhappy that you allowed yourself to develop feelings for someone else in the first place. Just try to think of how you would feel if the tables were turned and he did this to you. You already know the answer to your question.
You need to leave the entire relationship.
1st. Have respect for yourself, your children and your fiance.
It doesn’t matter what excuses you are searching for to justify your actions and feelings. It’s wrong. You need to leave him before you even consider another man. Its selfish of you to stick with your fiance knowing you are in love with someone else.
Relationships aren’t perfect and they take a lot of work. I’m sure you’ve hurt him several times as well… imagine him being secretly in love with your friend?
It’s so trashy to hop from one friend to the other. If you have any morals you would see how disgusting that is. Have respect for yourself and your children.
You need to leave the relationship and reevaluate your entire life.
If someone treats you bad… leave them. You don’t stay with them and hop on their friend. Doesn’t make any sense at all.
If you feel like that leave xxx
Umm its an emotional affair end it with him or your fiance but do it now
End it with one of them. You’re already emotionally cheating on your partner as it is. Either y’all break up or you back off from your “friend”
Do you…you can’t make dinner if you don’t have all the ingredients.
Why have you stayed in the relationship?
Does it need to end?
Ending a relationship with children is a process, and they will need an adjustment period.
You have to decide that you want better for you and your children, first.
Then do it…thennnnnn engage in a fulfilling relationship.
There’s no right or wrong answer as how to facilitate this. But don’t put all your eggs in one basket expecting this to materialize, the only person who will do you, is you.
You may be energized, or awoken… but end one meal, clean up the mess and wash the dishes, before settng the table for another meal.
End one thing before starting another.
First thing is first, you are already emotionally cheating regardless if you know the new guy has feelings for you or not. You are already half way there especially since you’ve admitted it to yourself, enough to ask for advice. No one deserves to be cheated on… No one. If you were SO unhappy and hes done you wrong so many times why stay? You either need to talk to your fiance about how he is and ask him to work on whats wrong or you need to leave. Staying for the kids hurts more than helps. Especailly if the environment is toxic, dont know details but both of you could make it that way being like that to eachother. Kids are like sponges they see that yall are unhappy. Decide what you want to do before you end up laying in bed with him.
Im going to address this in two parts.
The first. How he treats you.
Without specific examples its hard to judge or advise on this.
Facebook and instagram tell me my husband treats me badly but, no he really doesn’t. A good majority of the time there’s lack of communication and misunderstandings. That cause problems. They’re resolved by work, compassion, and understanding.
The second. Your behavior.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
No matter how you feel you’ve been treated cheating is not ok.
And you are cheating.
Now. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side and at one point you felt the same about your fiance as you do about this other guy.
But you have to make a choice and accept whatever consequences happen.
No one can make it for you.
Um cheat much wouldnt like that id he did it to you evwn if he has you know how it hurts. Remmeber lust isnt love. Love takes time effort on borh ends and is never ending.
I dont agree with everyone that says if u havent married yet then he doesnt think of u as wifey material will guess what me and my man have been together almost 10 years and engaged almost 2 years
He wronged you so many times each time you’ve took him back gave him chance after chance beleive me he doesn’t even respect you you need to leave him ASAP your crush won’t fix it either if you were to leave for him
Usually feelings for someone else isn’t true feelings. You are just looking to fill void because of what you are lacking. You need to be single first and focus on you and your kids before moving on that fast.
End one relationship before you start another
What you gunna do when friend don’t want to pursue a relationship with you?
If fiance is doing wrong leave regardless
Girl you don’t gotta convince us to let you continue cheating lol. It’s already too late. Just remember this new guy will know what you’re capable of.
If you no longer want your spouse leave him and just tell the other how you feel
Don’t keep going in the relationship if you don’t have feelings anymore it only makes you look bad and if you’re fiance is not treating you well then I think you have answered your own question
Go with your gut…if you feel like that towards another man then you dont really love your fiance its circumstantial at that point…I should have left my ex long time ago but stayed…he was a nasty drunk but we had kids…he left me for my whore ex bff…and I should have not wasted all those years with him when the warning signs were there…
Feelings for someone else is already cheating in itself. If you aren’t willing to come clean asap, apologize to your fiance and put in the effort to make things work then you should do you both a favor and leave before you continue to waste his and your time.