It’s your choice! We have a blended family of 6 with an adopted child and we have 4 different last names in our home and we embrace it 
and out dogs last name is Rainbow 
It’s not the name that makes the family it’s the love
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I understand your point of view and his. I was torn on this too. I wanted to take my husbands last name, but I also didn’t want to lose mine. I ended up hyphenating my middle name with my maiden last name and then taking his last name. That way I could have both👍🏼
A name is powerful. You don’t want to be walking around with someone’s mama first husbands who died and now you just have the name. I don’t understand why people don’t just make a new family name. I guess for lineage but tech have come so far, a blood test registry would solve that. It is a hard choice. And it sucks when you like you maiden name. Maybe just SUPER hyphenate. Maybe grt rid of your middle name and just add the name.
I would tell him I feel marginalized. Throw that shit right back at him. I hate to tell you this, but if a NAME makes him feel “eMaScUlAtEd” then his sensitive ass is going to constantly be giving you these guilt trips. Not to mention it isn’t his Dad’s business to even be discussing with him, let alone have an opinion on.
Red flags 
him and his dad are upset over this??? I’ve been married for 20 yrs and I kept my maiden name.
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I would personally take my husbands last name but it is your choice. Why not just add his last name to the end of yours? Some kind of compromise?
You could always change your legal name to your current 2 last names to be your middle name & take his last name as your official last name. Basically you’d give up your middle name but keep the rest & not make him upset
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I kept my own name. My husband didn’t find issue with it at all, he was more concerned that his children have his name, which I was happy about. So our kids know I have a different last name than them but they don’t treat it different
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You can still keep your mother’s name as middle name. Not taking the husbands name is not a good sign.
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I get his knee-jerk desire to want you to take his last name. It’s a deeply embedded tradition in some parts of the world. However, it’s grossly misogynistic and rooted in possession. I’ve gotten more strongly feminist as I’ve aged, and if I were getting married today, I would not change my name… If you feel STRONGLY about this, you keep your name. He doesn’t get to pressure you into changing your identity because HE wants you to.
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I kept my last name and double barreled to add my husbands. My professional stuff is in my “maiden” name and my family stuff is in my married name. Our daughter has his last name
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Propose that he takes yours though that won’t help probably 
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Keep your mom’s name, replace your dads with your husbands, my opinion is there is no point getting married if you don’t take his name, you can always find a way to incorporate your moms name, maybe a middle name for future kids or hyphenate with his last name for a kid, you could also drop your dads name, take your husbands, and move your moms over and use as a second middle name
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I can see both side of this, except for his dad having an issue with it, that being said keep you’re name girl!!
The issue I see is when you have children. I think it’s important for children have the last name of their parents. It’s not always possible, but it can provide continuity and a feeling of belonging as a family (team). My thoughts.
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I’ve been married for 5 years still use my last name you don’t have to change the paperwork right away
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Keep yours yours. My kids have my last name 🤷 unless he’s literal royalty, his last name doesn’t mattee
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I’ll never understand why men can’t have feelings. Everyone’s bashing him because he’s upset, he’s aloud to have his feelings hurt, girls grow up thinking about there wedding and if the man said he didn’t wanna wedding and the girl said she was upset every woman on her would be like “ you have the right to be upset” he has every right for his feelings. Men think about the day the can give there last name to the woman they love. If you don’t want to that your choice but he has the right to have his feelings hurt or be upset.
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I’ve been married for almost 10 months and I don’t have my husbands name. But our daughter does.
I kept mine when I got married. If he won’t support something that small, he isn’t worth marrying. Marriage is a partnership, not dictatorship.
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So far, I have kept mine 7 years in I do consider changing it now that I have 3 kids and they have his last name. I did also add his last name to my social media accounts. In the beginning I just flipped it and said why don’t you take my last name he was like absolutely not so I said it’s the same thing. He argued it’s not but it backed him off of me a little.
Not sure where you are, but I also struggled with this. Where I am, I changed it to my husbands, but i can legally go by either. So majority of my ID is still my maiden name. My husband was pretty understanding on why I wanted to keep my own, however I realized I didnt want my kids to have a different name then me.
I kept my last name when I got married. Glad I did, we’ve been separated since 2016
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Taking his name is not mandatory nor is it a law.
I kept my name and added his, my grandchildren have their mom and dads names.
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My fiance and I are weird, he’s taking my name so 
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I hyphenated I didn’t want to give up my name . I like having both
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I see both sides. I was proud and jumped at the chance to take his name, give our children our name.
And also Some men grown up dreaming of the day he can give his name to his women and his future children.
Was there ever even discussion about compmrise? because you know that’s what the majority of a marriage is.
Also how does he handel other issues and disappointments.
Does he get angry, try to make you do what he wants? Y’all have good communication?
If not y’all may benifit from some premarital councling.
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I’m keeping my last name because im the one going to medical school
My sister in law kept her last name. She never gave a reason y
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Tell him it’s annoying to have to hand in your marriage cert. when you go for a job to show you aren’t stealing someones identity. If I could go back I would have kept my name and our kids would/do have his last name.
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Maybe u could hyphenate it 
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Emasculated? How dramatic!
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I’ve been married for 10years and kept my own name. Hubby was a bit annoyed to start with but he got over it.
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It’s your choice whether you take it or not. I was always going to take my husband’s name if we had children we would all have the same name x
Totally your decision my dear !
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Taking your husbands last name slaps of possession to me.Ask him to take your name instead
You will then know how he really feels.
My husband was da same but i stuck 2 my guns n told him dat its my identity n has been since birth … he didn’t like it but somewhat understood when i pointed out why doesn’t he take my last name 
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You could always hyphenate as a compromise. Marriage is about compromising what is best for both of you. It should never be all about one person.
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Its your choice dear. I’ll be honest here, I’ve been married to my husband since 2016 and I still haven’t legally taken his last name. He doesn’t nag me about it or ask why. I myself don’t feel I need to. My last name is already down to a small family so I kinda like being myself
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My husband talked me into it and 9 years later I still regret it!
Don’t give in. Tell his Dad that it’s absolutely none of his business.
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I think it’s a minor thing honestly. I just got married. It was important to him I took his name. I think it’s important to men because it legally shows your a unit. A family. But I also understand your point of view. In the long run, at the end of your life… Was it worth the fight over a name change? If it is, then I say stand up to him. If it’s not, then hyphenate using your mom’s last name-his last name.
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Bruh keep your name if you want it. If he doesn’t support that, than perhaps that’s a bigger conversation with him. You aren’t marrying him to be his property, you’re marrying him because you love him.
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I didn’t want to, but then I found out how important it was to him. It wasn’t a big enough deal to me to worry about. Since then we’ve joked he should have taken mine…
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Its completely your choice and I fully understand your reasons! I’m not engaged at the moment but I made up my mind several years ago that I was going to keep my last name. For me its because I dont want to change my daughter’s last name and I dont want a different last name than her. So we will both remain Dodsons when that time comes.
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I also didn’t change my name. I’m an only child and my father passed away 12 years ago. I’ve decided to keep his name alive as long as I am 
. My husband respects that.
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I carried my maiden name because I was already well established in my career and a name change would’ve been very confusing…just keep talking with him about it and as far as his dad goes (not trying to be rude) it’s none of his business…that’s between you and your fiancé…
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Y’all probably should wait and really think about committing to each other. I understand both sides. Your feelings don’t invalidate his. The same goes for his feelings. If this is important to both of you neither one of you should have to compromise.
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my daughter’s fiance is puerto rican so in their tradition, he will add our last name to his and she will add his last name to hers.
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If he cannot accept that you aren’t giving up your name, then perhaps you should hold off on the marriage until there is an understatement or agreement on both sides. I understand where you are coming from. I don’t understand how you not taking his name emasculates him though. You aren’t property nor does your having his name make him any more of a man than he already is.
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Why are you getting married if you don’t even want to share in his heritage and take his name and why are you unwilling to compromise with your soon to be “husband”? Have you asked him about adding his name to your last name? I mean marriage is all about compromise and communication. If you can’t communicate now, you have a longggggg road ahead of you
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Um no! Thats YOUR identity YOUR choice! Do what feels right to you and if he cant accept it then thank you, next!
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Lol im keeping mine lol I even compromised and were combining the last names mine first then his lol if its important to u he should respect that but u need to explain it in depth how much ur name means to u
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Don’t do it I don’t have mine because I don’t want it! Not being mean just I have always loved my family’s name and I want to keep it! I don’t love my husband any less he wants me to change it yes but he isn’t “emasculates” nor does he feel that way! Ppl need to grow up
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If it’s that important to you, he should understand. My second husband told me to do whatever I wanted. He was even okay with me keeping my last name from my first marriage because it matched our kids. I ended up changing my last name to his because I wanted to. But it is a very personal decision and he should understand. It is none of his dads business.
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Your husband should respect your feelings, it’s not only about him. And his father needs to BUT OUT!!! I was married for 10 years and I did everything my husband asked, and his dad made every decision for us, even where we raise our kids. I completely lost myself and have resented them ever since. He ended up leaving me for another woman because my depression was bringing him down. Trust me, if you start giving in now, he will learn that that’s how it is and he’ll continue to neglect your feelings, not because he’s a bad person, but because you didn’t set boundaries for him. And that goes both ways, you both need to think long and hard about what’s important to you as individuals, and what you’re willing to compromise 
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I am originally from Italy. In Italy, we don’t take our husband’s last name so when I came in this country I was like waaaaa…why would you change your name. It didn’t make any sense to me. Now that I’ve lived here long enough I understand it’s the standard but it will always be weird to me. Thankfully my husband didn’t have an issue with it (even if he did…oh well. Too bad so sad). Just do what feels right to you!
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I personally don’t understand why get married. I’m looking forward to the day to becoming a Mrs and taking on his last name. I get people are saying it’s 2020 but what does that really mean?? I’m all about tradition…I would drop one of the last names you have and hyphen his
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RUN!!! He doesn’t love and respect you enough for the long haul. It’s about HIM and HIS feelings. Was married to one for far too long, and took MY name back in the divorce. And swore I would NEVER give it up again. Got remarried, and second time around, she chose to take my name. I told her that I was not changing mine, but she was free to choose what she wanted to do, keep her name, or take mine. It didn’t matter to me, I would love her the same. She chose to take mine and her dad pitched the fit that she changed hers and I didn’t. But it was our individual choices. I just said I will love you no matter what, I just need to know what name to put on the insurance. Lol!
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I changed my name because I wanted our own family unit with my husband and to have the same last name as my future children. It was never a how dare you try and own me situation it was I am choosing you and creating our own family together. Thats how mu husband also sees it. Its our name not my family not his family its ours. As far as your father in law no he shouldn’t have a say but im sure your husband is close with his dad and taking cues off of him. You need to sit down and talk with your fiancé and express your wants but also really listen to his. If you cant figure out somthing as simple as this you will have more trials than you can imagine. How would you handle having children and naming them? I mean no disrespect am just curious I was excited to change my name and have our own family unit. But that just my way of thinking.
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Maybe things are different now. But i was proud to take my husbands name. And I realize even though times may have changed, in the older days this was common, probably why his parents don’t agree
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Its 2020- it’s the shift. No more doing things to make others comfortable. I think this a great challenge before a marriage- practice not forcing your will on each other. He doesn’t have to agree with you but he should learn to accept what’s important to you. Learn this lesson avoid sooooo many arguments in the future. Good luck! 
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If you love that person, changing your name should be an honor. A husband, wife and children should all have a unified last name. Just my opinion. I will always be my maiden name in my blood and heart. It doesn’t change who I am.
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It is your choice. It’s your name! Pretty pathetic that he needs a woman to take his name to be a man. Many successful women keep their name because it is connected to their own family, where they came from, their identity and their accomplishments. Accomplishments achieved before he came into her life. Share your life with him, but you don’t need to give away your name and the experiences and pride that comes with it.
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He seems more concerned with his image than he does with how you feel. Stick to your guns.
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With new Real ID law I would advice every woman to keep her maiden name and only her maiden name. When a married man goes to get the Real ID card all he has to show is a birth certificate. When a married woman (that has changed her name) goes she has to show her birth certificate AND a marriage license. When a divorced man goes to get a Real ID card all he has to show is …his birth certificate. When a divorced woman goes to get the Real ID she must provide her birth certificate, her marriage license and her divorce decree. A woman has to show all these documents for every marriage and divorce while a man shows…his birth certificate. Ladies, just keep your maiden name.
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Typical men trying to control you and make you change your name. Why don’t you ask him to change his name and see how he feels. Don’t give in. You are your own person not his property!
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Ask him how he would feel changing his name? If he doesn’t like the idea, then he should understand how you feel.
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my husband didn’t and doesn’t get a say. I told him once we were married for 10 years, I would THINK about taking his last name. Our kids have his last name, but I like mine for me and THATS OK!
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So you should feel like property to save his ego? No. Tell him to take yours instead or live with it. Not a good start to marriage…
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I kept my last name. All of our kids have my husband’s last name. Honestly its my name. Im not asking you to change yours. My husband and I talked about it. I told him how I felt and why. Changing my name was not going to happen. He understood and we got married. Dont let someone make you do something you’re not comfortable doing or just to appease them. This could be the start of a bad habit/expectation. Not to be rude but I think his dad should stay out of it. This is between you and your fiance. His reaction to this can be very telling of his character. Good luck.
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This is how I feel… biblically it says that a son leaves his parents and goes with his wife. Same for the wife. You become one. One in everything. That includes the name. I can’t imagine not having the same name of my spouse plus you put kids into your marriage what are they going to feel odd . I would personally go with my fiancé last name.
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Luckily my husband didn’t care. I did take his last name but took about 1.5 years to legally change it.
It shouldn’t be a big deal if you don’t take his last name, and in no way is it “emasculating”
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I get that he’s disappointed because people grow up expecting certain traditions, but then he needs to move on and accept your wishes. Have you talked about other aspects of the relationship? What other traditions does he hold fast to that he is not willing to relinquish? Staying home with kids? Cooking and cleaning? Bank accounts?
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I didn’t take my husband’s last name right away. It wasn’t until my kids started asking why our last names were different that I decided to change it (8 years later). I kept my mother’s last name as a middle name and just dropped my dad’s ( He has 3 boys to continue his last name.)
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Just change it on FB but keep everything else as your maiden so he gets the recognition and you get to remain what you want
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Take his name. I can see how that’s offensive not too
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It’s really a big decision because of our traditions…that whole name change thing is viewed as a sign of commitment (rightly or wrongly). To me, there’s a bigger issue at hand. Don’t know your fiancé, obviously, but the fact that he’s so adamant and cranked about you changing your name sort of makes me think he may have some ‘posessiveness’ issues to work through. Don’t want to read too much into it…he may truly be a man of tradition…but caveat emptor, man. Good luck.
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If a man feels emasculated because you don’t want to take his last name at marriage… there are deeper issues to be dealt with.
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You are allowed to want what you want.
A name change is a huge deal. You have to do a bunch of paperwork.
It is valid to not want to change your name. It does not make your love less or your commitment less.
And yes it is valid for people to want to change their last name or take their wife’s name or to hyphenate as well.
But no one, and I mean no one, not even spouse or family gets to bully you for what you want.
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Explain to him you understand his feelings and that your intention is not to hurt him. Add your own reasons and explain that accepting to make the change would make you upset and that is not right. Why is it ok for you to be upset but not him?
If you wanna go all out, flip it, say his feelings of emasculation are wrong and actually derogatory since man don’t take their wife’s names. Historically this comes from a time were woman were always a man’s property… from the daughter of to the wife of… then ask him is he still needs to talk about feeling emasculated.
On another note… what is the female term for feeling emasculated?
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I didnt change my name. No problems here. I can understand his feelings too but it’s something the 2 of you will need to work out together. His dad needs to stay out of it. It has absolutely nothing to do with him
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Take them all or don’t it’s your choice he will get over it or he won’t and that will tell you all you need to know
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The history behind a woman taking her husbands name goes back to when she became his property. You and your fiancé need to have a serious conversation about this. It’s between you and him not his father.
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I would not take his name. In Quebec we keep our maiden name it makes it so much easier for passport, hospital records, social security, health insurance… it’s your name why do we need to take the husband name, I want to be myself…
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Hyphenated my last name for 15 years. In December I told him I didn’t want it anymore. I felt lost and my identity stolen by marriage and motherhood. He seemed to understand. Now I go by my maiden name. Won’t look back.
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I happily took my husband’s last name with my fathers blessing. But I would never marry a man who didn’t respect my choice! If you want to keep your last name, then he should respect that & his father has no say in this!! The only real discussion is what last name will you give your children because that has to be decided & he has to be willing to stand up to his father to defend your decision as a couple & if he can’t do that- run! Far away til you find a confident man who can accept you!
If changing your last name doesn’t feel right to you, maybe you should reconsider getting married.
I personally feel it is the greatest honor for a man to give me his last name.
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I don’t have my husband’s last name. Seems more concerned about image than anything.
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I gave my three sons my last name and I will not change my last name for marriage. Unconventional maybe but that’s what I want.
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I couldn’t wait to take his last name but hey do you lots of married people keep their own name
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It is your choice but you should take his feelings into consideration. The marriage isn’t just about YOU. I am proud to have my husbands last name.
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I couldn’t wait to have the same last name as my husband. I didn’t have an exclusive career, with an established name before my husband (DR, PA-C, PROF, RN, ESQ, etc) but if I did I probably wouldn’t change my last name. In this day and age, I know plenty of married couples with different last names. Not a big deal, just try to understand his feelings and deeply think about it.
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My bff, the little smarty pants that she is, changed her middle name to her maiden name and took his last name. So technically she never gave up her last name. It might work for your situation. After all, Marriage is ALL about compromises.
I want to keep mine its important to me. But so is having the same name as my kids. We have 3. One w my name one with both and he talked me into our son having only his name… Now I feel like I need to change mine and I hate it.
So i guess the point of my story is what do you plan for any kids? And how do you feel about that.
But at the end of the day ita your choice not anyone else’s also switch it and see about changing his name. I bet he doesn’t like it. So why should you?
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My husbands first wife wouldn’t either. I felt so good to do it for him… he felt like a man with a woman who actually respected him. I guess to each their own… but if it were me I would say do it or don’t get married.
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At least you have someone who wants to give it to you. A last name is apart of an identity. The most important thing a person can have. He wants to give you a piece of himself that only he can give. And he only gives it to those he holds most dear. His wife. His children. I also understand what it’s like to want to hold onto your heritage. A piece of someone else that was passed to you. But when you marry this man, you are creating a new heritage. Your identity is also one of the hardest to get back. If there is a divorce (heaven forbid) you have to ask for your name back. And after all the drama and life change, you’re not who you once were when you had that name. So you spend the next year or two reinventing yourself. A new you to an old name and suddenly your name means something different. A name isn’t something cosmetic. It’s an identity. It’s precious.
I changed my last name when I was good & ready. He didn’t care either way. But after 18yrs of marriage when I was finally ready, I changed it on his birthday. He was very happy because I did it on my own, not because it’s the thing to do! He’s his own person and I am me. Two completely different individuals that live to make each other happy. Going on 27 yrs of marriage and counting!
I always felt like I lost some part of myself giving up my maiden name. It may sound silly but it did. I did take my husband’s name 20 years ago. Now getting divorced and changing it back to my maiden name. It was not a good marriage and I accomplished a lot professionally, so it feels empowering to regain something of myself back. It is a personal choice for each and every woman. Compromise and understanding should also be an important factor. Best wishes!
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I don’t think it should be a fight. Who are they to tell you that you must change your name. If he wants the same name as you then maybe he should change his. You’ve spent your whole life with your name, this is part of your identity. If you don’t want to change your name, that is totally your choice. However, when/ if children come I to play, you might want to consider hyphenation of their names.
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It just depends on whether you are interested in an archaic practice where you become your husband’s property. Really no reason to do it unless you really want to.
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I’d be offended if I was him. That’s a mans way of proving his love and commitment to you. That’s comparable to a man telling you “I don’t want to get married, but here’s a ring…wear it on your ring finger”. Just take the last name and rock it loud and proud! 
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