It’s ultimately your decision but he’s allowed to feel how he feels about it. I don’t really agree with how he feels because it’s insinuating like a whole “property” thing. He feels less manly if you don’t take his last name? Either way, the two of you need to have a serious talk and ultimately, he should respect your decision. He’s marrying you because he loves you, no matter what your name is.
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Ask him to take yours, see how he reacts. I didn’t want to change my name either. It shouldn’t be a requirement of marriage.
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Follow YOUR heart. Keep your names…or…kept him take yours its no longer the age where women “need” the husbands name.
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It is your choice, but it’s something that should have been discussed before getting engaged. I’m still getting used to my new last name, and I miss my maiden name lol.
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It’s a name. I used to feel the same way, I’m so glad I took my husbands name.
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If that’s all it takes to emasculated him, you’re better off leaving unless you want to lose the entirety of your Self to your marriage to him on his terms alone.
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I say… take his name. It was an honor for me to take my husband’s name. “2 becoming 1” Us starting our family. Good luck.
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He needs to understand your reasoning. I on the other hand could not wait to change my name because my husbands was easier to spell/pronounce. Everyone has their reasons and you shouldn’t be pressured into doing it.
I’m old school, and I cannot imagine not having my husband’s last name. Our kids have his last name - the whole family. It just feels right.
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Committing also means committing to taking the family name once married. What do you plan to do once you have kids? Will your children take your husband’s last name and you’ll be the odd one out? Or will you give your kids your last name and your husband will be the odd one out? These are things you should really think about before getting married.
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I do believe it is any woman’s free choice to do this if she wants, but other than trying to get rid of an awful name, or like me, get rid of anything reminding me of my father, I don’t get it anymore…they don’t own women anymore, why can’t they keep their own name, doesn’t change the level of commitment in my opinion…plus this eager to do so, and I’ve known a few, struggled with either having no identity, s o went from so and who’s twin straight to being a Mrs. Or insecure with who they are in general.
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My personal opinion, I would change my name. Because if you have kids, then there will be an argument (maybe) over which name the kids will get. I would want my name the same as my husband’s and kids. However, if you have a career that has to have many licensure, that can be difficult to change with along with everything NC else you have to change. So I can see both sides from that point. I changed my last name when I got married. Reason being, I never knew my biological dad. Therefore, I did not want to carry the last name of a man I never met and didn’t want me. So it is a matter of opinion on how you and him feel about that. You have to do what is right for yourself. If there is no common ground for this type of debate, then how are you going to find common ground with others. However, I can also understand why the dad would be upset. They are probably in the mindset that if you have kids, you will want to give them your last name and then their family name stops. It was always tradition for females to take the male names to keep their namesake going. But you have to do what you feel.
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If you are gonna keep the same last name why get married just live together and no one will know the difference
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You should really talk through it. No shaming or fighting, only seeing both points of view. Maybe he always wanted traditional and doesn’t know how to talk to you about it so he gets mad. Some Men are just larger boys, ladies:roll_eyes:
they always reference their masculinity and dick size in everything they do. You need to talk to him not the internet 
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My advice is on a scale of ten, how important is it to you, and same with him. If one of you is an 8 and the other a 10 the 10 has a greater need. If you are both a ten, a calm discussion and compromise as that’s what a true partnership is. Good luck
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Oh and your not marrying parents so none have any input needed
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Some states let you create a new last name like combine letters from his and yours to make something totally different. It would still piss his dad off Im sure but might make y’all happier as a married couple.
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It’s 2020, a woman “can choose” whatever last name she feels that she wants (for whatever reason). This name issue causing so much distress has me wondering how disagreements and decision making in their marriage is going work. I wish you both the best and I hope a satisfactory agreement (for the both of you) can be worked out.
Both of your opinions are valid. His dad has no voice in this. But you need to sit down and really decide if you want to be married or not unfortunately many people don’t pay attention to all the small arguments that were really red flags. You can love someone and not want to be Married to them. I love having my husbands last name. I feel like we are a family but I suppose not everyone likes that but seriously have a conversation with him and listen really to what he has to stay and make sure he really listens to you.
I took my husband’s last name, but he also is always wonderful about not referring to me just as ‘my wife’. He introduces me by my name or in such a way that honors me as an individual.
Really if he ain’t good enough for you take his last name don’t get married it seems you don’t care how he feels.if it’s going be a fight from the beginning think twice.
My husband decided that he wanted to take my last name because he couldn’t understand why women were expected to… I hadn’t even thought about it… but loved him for it as it cemented to me that he really was the open minded and progressive person I thought he was. Basically, you should do what makes you happy. Keep your name, take his, him take yours, new name - no one should dictate. And he shouldn’t tell you what you have to do, either. He can keep his name and you, yours 
if this is a deal breaker for him it makes you wonder how successful the marriage would be in my opinion
I added his name. I married in my 30’s I was established and didn’t feel the need to lose it. If he feels emasculated that is on him and his insecurities.
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Diana Propes I had the same problem, and ended up divorced over it, amongst other reasons. For him it was about control. Where’s the compromise in taking his name? Maybe if he takes yours? I don’t know, I have very strong feelings about this that are very one-sided. I’m afraid my perspective is biased and unhelpful. I don’t want to contribute to the conversation if it’s not going to help support her in maintaining a relationship. after leaving my current husband, I’m going back to my maiden name and I’m not switching it again. Ever.
It’s your choice!! I myself haven’t changed my last name for my personal reasons. We have been together for over ten years. The fact that I don’t have his name doesn’t mean I love him any less. He’ll kid from time to time “so when are you going to change your name” but he understands. And you are marrying him, not his family. Do what’s best for you and your little unit.
Its not your job to make other people happy. The end. Do what feels right and makes you happy.
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Who cares 
keep your name on all your legal documents and change it to to his last name on all social media. I mean isn’t that what most people care about now anyway 
I changed my last name and kept it even after divorce because my maiden name was horrible.
If that is all it takes to emasculate him… then I would be very concerned. Will he be emasculated if you are smarter than him? If you have a skill that he doesn’t? If you make more money than him? If you have a voice in decisions regarding family and children? If you have more friends than him? He is emasculated over a name? Yikes.
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Then you shouldn’t get married to this particular person.
Just as your names are important to you, it is equally important to him that is wife take his last name.
Why should either compromise?
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Well it’s gonna be your name. It’s up to you… I understand he is upset because it’s something that has always happened no one has ever thought twice about it. And why doesn’t he take your last name why does it always have to be the woman to take the mans last name? Yes I took my husband’s name because that what I wanted to do. And your husband should respect your decision…
Run he is already trying to control you, and the father should be no where in it
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What last name will your kids have? I didn’t change my name for 2 years, until I had kids. It was important to me to share the same name as my kids. Yes I could’ve hyphenated using both but I felt by us all sharing a name shows the kids we are a family unit. I have also kept my married name after the divorce for the reason of keeping the name of my children.
It’s a hard decision whatever you choose. Good luck.
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I never changed my Last name. I felt pretty strongly about keeping mine. “Why get married” there are so many reasons. It doesn’t make my marriage any less than yours. I just wanted yo keep my name. Ive been married 16 years have 3 kids and have ZERO regrets about my not changing my last name.
I wish I had known that I didn’t have to change my last name. If he loves you he won’t care about your last name… Call the wedding off. It will never work. If this is even a question! Sorry, truth hurts sometimes, but better not to say I do, then regret.
I never really wanted to do it cause I just didn’t want to go through the hassle. Talked to my SO and asked how he felt. He said he would like it if I had his last name and it was important to him. It was more important to him than me so I made him agree, that if I changed it, then he would go everywhere with me to change it AND HE DID!
I didn’t take my husband’s last name and we have been married over 20 years. There’s nothing wrong with it and doesn’t mean u don’t love him any less. But my husband was understanding about me wanting to keep my own last name. Good luck
I didn’t want to give up my maiden name either and greatly regretted changing it. Now I’m divorced and trying to get it back and it’s exceedingly difficult. I would contemplate your relationship with him if he doesn’t understand the importance of keeping your mothers name…
If you do you might regret it. I gave in when I got married, and now unless one of my brothers finally have a kid, (32 & 33) our last name ends with them. My dad was the only child so no cousins.
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Make one of you last names, your middle name and add his…my husband is Mexican and he left it up to me but I took his name because I wanted the same last name as my kids. He has 2 last names but only uses his dad’s last name now since that’s the one I took. I know many that made their last name their middle and dropped the middle. Just a thought 
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Does he only feel like that because his dad does? If so, his dad’s feelings on your name don’t matter. My sister hyphenated her last name so that it had both our maiden name and her husband’s last name. Their daughter has her dad’s last name. Good luck!
This is definitely something you and tour fiancee need to work out. His dad needs to butt out because not only is it none of his business bit I’m certain that is fueling your guy’s point of view. Being able to talk about it without the outside interference is the only way you will get anywhere. And if you still can’t, then maybe some professional counseling may be in order cause then there’s probably more than just the name issue going on.
I’m not sure if someone else already said this but if you don’t want his last name then just don’t get married. The whole point of being married is to become one and part of becoming one as having the same last name.
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It may seem like a minor issue but remember as important your family name is to you his is to him also his dad getting involved your dude prob went to him for advice or perspective be happy he is unloading and not bottling his feeling up if I was you I’d sit down with your man and come up with a compromise also if you go on to have children you could give your child your mums name to carry it on
If I were a man I wouldn’t care if my wife took my name but I’d want my children to have my name. I bet that’s where his mindset is with it. Either way this is kind of a big issue. I’d sort it out (not just keep avoiding it and hoping it blows over) before the big day. It’s one of those things that can create a lot of issues later on a marriage.
I didn’t take my husband’s last name and he’s ok with it. A friend of mine when he got married they both took each others names
Your name.
Your choice.
He either accepts you as you, or he was not the right person in the first place.
If he wants to change you, he will keep the bullying up forever.
You deserve better.
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I am on my 2nd marriage
That being said, my first, I changed due to insurance and pregnancy, I am a nurse and didn’t want to deal with changing everything, eventually I did. We had twin girls and 3 yrs later we divorced they had just turned 1. I was granted to chane back to maiden but didn’t change name because of my kids. Now 2nd marriage and I didn’t n he is ok with that.
My feelings since u asked…If you plan on having children yes!
especially with a boy. Proud father having his son carry his name… otherwise his family name will b lost. You had the bond carrying them inside you and as the Father he has the honor of carrying this name.
I took my husband last name 35 years later it’s has not been a issue I prefer to have his last name than my father’s last name . God bless you on your decision.
when i got married, i made my parents’ last names (i have both too) my middle names, then made my husband’s last name mine too. i didn’t want to drop my parents’ names either or choose between the two. i have a super long ass name now, but i wouldn’t have it any other way.
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You both need to talk about this, it is not uncommon for any man to think that the woman he’s about to marry should take his name. See if you can do the following: keep your name then with a hyphen add his name. You can do this with your children also, there is no need in today’s world or time that it is necessary for the man to be so domineering.
I was married 3 years, took his name. Hated it the entire time. Now I’m divorced and happy. Now my man and i coincidentally have the same last name so we don’t need to get married win win in my books, who’s needs the government involved in your relationship anyway. 
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You have every right to keep your own last name. He needs to accept that it’s 2020 and women no longer need to lose their own identity to be married.
I know a guy who’s wife had been married a lot. She wouldn’t take his, claimed it was too hard to change it all. The marriage barely lasted 2 years. He couldn’t let it go. If it’s a no deal for him, it’s best to learn now before marrying him. As for me, I hope you are happy and no ones opinion really should matter but your fiancé may want you to consider his opinion. Best wishes.
That is your choice. If he is worried about names he can take your last name. The entire symbolism behind the last name is ownership, claimed property and is out dated. If you want to, do it. If not, don’t. Has nothing to do with loving one another.
I think it’s the right thing. It bonds you as husband and wife. It connects you for others. Im proud to have my name match my husband’s and my kids. When u have kids are they going to have his name . the family won’t be a family
I am damn proud to be Mrs. Andy Griffin!
I cannot imagine not taking my husband’s name.
Mrs. Griffin 17 years proud.
I honestly cannot see why you wouldn’t. It’s tradition, meaningful, and beautiful.
Why get married then? This really confuses me.
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I took my husband’s last name and I’m very proud to be Mrs. McCoy! Never could figure out why one wouldn’t take their husbands name unless it was for professional reasons! But that’s just me!
It’s a culture thing… however, have you think of making/move your last name to your middle name and his family last name as your last name? just an option. 
so you still carry your last name
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Your name, your choice. If you not following the archaic and misogynistic “tradition” of taking the man’s name after marriage makes him feel “emasculated,” there are 2 things you should consider:
- perhaps he’s not man enough to be married to you in the first place
- he needs some therapy and to calm his ego tf down.
If he feels emasculated, then that’s his own fault. I am the last of the O’Kane line, which is my mother’s last name. If I ever decided to get married, I wouldn’t change my last name either. I once read something that a doctor didn’t take her husband’s last name, and when they asked her why, she said because she earned her degrees under her name, not her husband. He didn’t earn her titles.
i want to keep my last name but it was so long that I decided to change to my husband’s for a short easy name , after I did , found out I’m the first women to take over husband’s last name in the family . My mother in law would’ve been the first but she kept her maiden , my father in law was the only son in his family therefore none of his sisters kept the last name. Then my husband has an older brother who was married (now divorce ) at the time , the ex wife never change her last name either . I am honor to take over the last name but I think it all on what point of view, you need to talk with him and see his point of view and same for him to see your point of view . The father in law needs to stay out of your business, they have to respect what your decision.
Honestly if he loves you he wouldn’t force you to change your last name. I got married last year and I didn’t change my last name. Keep your last name, your father-in-law shouldn’t have a say.
I kept my maiden name. No one was going to make me change it. My husband didn’t really care. My mil was a little upset. Our son has my husband’s last name. No regrets at all
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As long as you’re not trying to make him take your last name, I’m not sure why he would be so upset. As long as you’ve explained to him why, he should be fine. Sounds like his issue, not yours
My ex and I were married 4 years, with 3 kids, and (at the time) 15 years together. I didn’t take his last name. He didn’t want me to (long story but who he was named after, isnt his biological father). It’s a more common practice these days. All our kids have his last name though.
Obviously it’s your choice. But being married is making compromises on both sides. I was honored to take my husbands last name. We will not have children, and my daughter from a previous marriage will most likely change her name in future when she marries. If she wants to. So to me it is honoring my husband. I am proud to have his family name and share that with him. But if that’s not what you want then he should compromise and understand that. It doesn’t make him bad because he wants to share his name with you. Nor is bad that you don’t want that.
I had a similar problem… My mother in law was mad that I wasn’t changing my last name. My husband understands that I don’t want to change my last name and told his mother that he isn’t going to make me do anything I don’t want to. Haven’t heard her bring it up since. I don’t want to change my last name because I’m at least 10 years into healthcare, half of my daughters last name is my last name, and my dad adopted me when I was young. Went through one name change before getting married.
I told my now husband I wanted to keep my last name, I could tell it hurt him, but he said it’s my choice. I felt bad and we sat down and I explained my reasons, he understood and said it’s my choice.
Taking a man’s last name is an archaic tradition. It’s purpose was to show the woman was the mans property. I’d be concerned that he would feel emasculated.
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I agree with your fiancé - you’re being ridiculous and selfish. Maybe you’re not ready to be married as it takes sacrifice and forming a new family from the one you were born into. Sorry, many may disagree in these times but she’s asking for opinions
Tbh anything he is feeling or his dad is feeling is something they are going to have to figure out. It’s 2020 and women have choices these days. It make sense why you don’t want to change your name and honestly he should respect that instead of making you feel bad.
My fiancé doesn’t like the idea of me keeping my last name either. It’s a decision I’ve made primarily for business reasons and he can’t stand the attention I get from my last name.
I wanted to keep my last name. It was Italian and represented my family and their struggles. However, it meant a lot to my husband to take his last name. I eventually gave in and am so glad that I did. Especially now that we have kids. It was hard to walk away from my last name but now I have a beautiful life and family. My husband is my favorite person and I feel lucky to share his name 
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I never changed my name. Why would I? This is my name.
My husband has complained a few times and I told him too bad. It’s my name. If it matters so much, he can take my name 🤷
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Why would you not feel right adding a name? When you go into that Social Security office you can tell them you want your name however you want. I added to, didn’t change. But my child has his name.
if you have a professional life where you’ve built a career with that last name i can understand feeling the desire to honor the name and use it professionally…but the idea of marriage is give and take, be there to fulfill what your partner lacks and needs at times and vice versa. if you’re committed to this man and want to build a family with him (kids or no kids, you’re a family) and it’s important to the man you love, find a compromise and use all three last names or use your maiden name at work.
I dropped my middle name and made my “new middle” my last name as my dad did not have son’s. But honestly it’s really between you and your fiance. I totally understand the feeling behind the name. I do see where he is coming from as well. Could you consider making your mother’s last name a child’s middle?
Its part of man’s dream…you both should probably rethink your union. I know most men this is very important, and this is something he’ll always remember. What’s more important?
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Well I’m married I don’t use my husband’s last name in order to change it I have to go to social security and change my license i wouldn’t mind changing it , my husband don’t mind if I do or don’t use it it doesn’t make him less of a man I stay home he works
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It’s 2020…it’s your name and if you don’t wanna take his last name then that’s perfectly fine. Don’t allow him to make it personal. It’s not like it’s taboo anymore. He will have to accept it. Yes, marriage is about compromise but compromise doesn’t mean change who you are as a person. And it really isn’t his fathers choice nor does he have a say. He’ll have to deal.
I’m dropping my middle name Elizabeth and taking my maiden name as a middle name. My fiancé and I have discussed it. My middle name is after my paternal grandmother Elizabeth whom I never met. So no connection there. I was a Daddy’s girl and since he has passed I want to take my maiden name as my middle name.
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I definitely would take a step back. My husband was the same way. I have a child from a previous relationship and he had my maiden name so I didn’t want to change it. We had to have a long talk about it and eventually we came to an agreement.
I had considered this myself and then took my husbands last name, my deciding factor was that when we had children I wanted to have all our last names the same. No confusion, I am their mother and he is their father. But don’t make a decision you won’t be happy with but also make sure not to dismiss his feelings. Make sure he understands it’s not something you didn’t actually take time to consider. In the end you will be married regardless of the name.
Don’t change it … you don’t have to… if he loves you he has to understand it … why should he forced you to do something you don’t want? ( sorry but that’s not love) … and besides why the heck women have to loose their last name ??? I’m married and I kept mine because mine is as important as his …
If it’s an important part of your identity you don’t want to give up he should understand that. In what way is YOUR name emasculating to him. It’s not like your trying to make him take yours.
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When I married my husband I hyphenated my maiden name with his last name. It was important to me to keep my name because I’m my dad’s only bio child and like the son he didn’t have in many ways.
He was fine with this as long as if we had a child it would only carry his last name so I agreed.
We divorced when our son was 2 and I kept the name because it kept part of my name like my son’s last name.
I had several bf’s who weren’t comfortable with the idea of my not taking their last name… it’s a sense of self I don’t want to lose. My current fiancé is perfectly fine with whatever names we end up with. One of many reasons I’m glad I waited as long as I did and one more piece of evidence I really found the right one. Whenever I get bogged down in relationship questions it falls back on one simple quote from maya angelou in the movie madea’s family reunion: “love is many things. It is varied. One thing it is not, and can never be, is unsure”
Its your choice not his. How about future kids have you talked about who’s name they will have. How does he feel about the last name thing as long as his children have his name? How will you feel having a different name then your children. This is a conversation that should only be between you and him it is none of his fathers or any other family members business. You both need to be open to each others side and really discuss before you talk that long walk. In my experience having a different name then the rest of your family can be difficult. How about making your own family name together? Whatever you choose it will be a hard decision.
You own your name and heritage attached to it…do you!! I didn’t and my brother isn’t having children so our family name gets lost in the history books because my kids have their fathers name…
Well how about putting it this way… taking on a new name feels like loosing your identity. Lots of women keep their names now a day. Its how you feel together that matters . Not the name. There are plenty of unhappy couples w the shared last name. The name dont make the marriage better. The trust and building of a strong foundation does.
I knew a smart, successful woman from work who kept her maiden name. I got engaged and we got on the subject of changing names for marriage. She said, “Why should I change my name?—I got married not adopted!” I changed my name, though. I wanted my hubs and I and our kids to have the same name.
In Korea - a woman keeps her fathers name
When and if you have children - they can take their fathers name
I kept my maiden name and added my husband s last name following my maiden name
We are not the property of a man .
It is your choice
But it would be nice to have the same name as your children I think
But, it’s your choice 
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I said at 15 I wasnt changing my name as that is who I am, married 20 years and never changed it. I did give our kids their fathers last name and I am fine with that and having a different last name. My name is who I am 
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Do what you want and feel is best! I married my husband after 13 yrs and 2 kids together… .I wasn’t changing my name, our kids have his last name but also have mine as well on their birth certificate. He has never asked me to change my name 
I am old school and take my husband’s name. That was when people did not do this that often. Marriage is 60/40 and you have to give and he has to give. But it is worth it…
Alright folks… but what about future kids? I took my husband’s because I am a traditionalist. We had a horrific divorce and I am keeping my married name as it would be sad as heck not sharing the same last name as my children.
I totally understand. It is a conversation worth having. Sit down together & talk about why you each feel the way you do. What is the root of those feelings. Then work together to see if you can find a compromise like agree to use someone’s last name as a middle name for your kiddos.
Would you be willing to give up the marriage over the name if it came down to it? Starting from that point and working back might help the both of u to compromise. You love each other enough to spend the rest of your lives together. You will figure this out together. There will be so much more to argue over down the line I’m sure lol. Best wishes to you both and many blessings on your marriage to come
Been married 3 years, still haven’t changed the paperwork to my husbands last name and its one of those things that bugs him deeply but he doesn’t talk about it. I think its a lack of feeling security in your relationship.