My fiance tells me I will be unhappy if I leave, but will I be?

I've been having troubles with my fiance's now for a while. Sex life sucks, we don't date, he doesn't do anything for me. I am going back to college, working part time, taking care of our two toddlers more or less by myself, I am cooking, cleaning and doing everything around the house. I beg and plead for help and he doesn't listen. I have asked him why he doesn't compliment me. He makes me feel so unattractive and I feel like a nanny. He says I'm ungrateful for all he does, but he's never been grateful of me. When we fight, he practically showes me the door and tells me if I'm unhappy then leave and he won't ever beg me to stay. I constant tell him I am proud of him, and he doesn't want to hear it because me asking for more out weighs that apparently. I know I sound selfish, but he works 6-2 and comes home and has his day. I do everything in my power to make his life easier and I just her treated like a roommate. I'm exhausted and tired. He hasn't attempted to take me out on a date in months and it just feels like we are losing our connection. I'm so lost and hurt.

We had a fight today because I raised my voice at my toddler and to be the hero, right in front of them, told me I was out of line. I am a great parent, and I live my kids and I’m our relationship he’s walked out on us before so I just feel like he’s the last person to give me parenting advice. I’m super offended and that’s my line. All for raising my voice, not even yelling. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m just resentful and don’t know if I can put up with his constant disrespect, laziness towards our relationships and trying to over-step my parenting!!
What would you ladies do? This has been going on for 6 years now, and I’m still young and just don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted just because he loves our kids. Any advice…?

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My advice for this is always the same… leave. He doesn’t appreciate you, he doesn’t want to spend time with you, he doesn’t make you feel loved. Don’t stay with him if you’re not happy, the only thing that’s going to happen is it’s going to be like this for the rest of your life. & you deserve way more then that. Even if you’re single you’ll be happier then you are now

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance tells me I will be unhappy if I leave, but will I be?

Pack up your kids and yourself, find the door knob and get the hell out… slam the door… Don’t look back!

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You will be happier once you’re away. Hands down. Alone with peace is better than living with the ghost of a relationship.

Leave … he will never change

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Take your kids and leave

He will never change. Was in the same boat for 23 yrs and now almost divorced.

Take your babies and go…

Well, definitely don’t marry him :sweat_smile: tell him how you feel and suggest to him that you two go talk to a couples therapist. If he refuses then do what’s best for you and your kids. You WILL be okay without him, probably even better. To me you sound like a beautiful, smart and caring women and if he can’t see that then that’s his loss. You walk out that door and he’ll be begging you to come back in no time. Stay strong :blue_heart:

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Have somebody help you and your kids leave when he’s gone if you think he will try to stop you from taking the kids. Prayers

Thats not a car I would chase. It sounds like you’ll be unhappy if you stay. He seems more concerned with your faults than his own. Sell the ring and get your own place. Asap.

Sounds like you’re very unhappy move you and your kids out and find the happiness you need

Seems like you already know what to do sex life should be enjoyable and he should help wit stuff

Sounds like a narcissist. . . . . .

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He is not going to change and I would bet he is not willing to set a wedding date. He has no interest in making your relationship work. You and the children will be happier and healthier on your own. I would talk with an attorney or family advocate to insure the best situation for your children. Just because he doesn’t help out with them now doesn’t mean he will let them go easily. Be prepared. Best wishes!

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Leave and don’t look back. You deserve love, happiness and respect.

Get out away from him.

Remember you only have one life. If this is even a question, you should leave. I know it’s hard, but you will be happier in the long run for you and your children.

Leave and never look back. You deserve so much more. I’ve been in your shoes before and honestly it only gets worse. I know it’s easier said then done, but your kids notice what goes on and they deserve to see mama happy. If you need a friend, message me. I’m here and I’ve been through something similar. I’m here for you!

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Time to pack up you and your kids and leave before it goes any farther. Sounds like you are in lose-lose situation. No matter what you do, you are going to come out the loser. Leave before it is too late. Better safe than sorry

Could you imagine what he’d be like after you married him!? :flushed:

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It’s only going to get worse, leave

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Sounds like a narcissist, get out of there. But prepare for it to turn nasty… Screen shot everything, record everything in notebook date it etc, have as much photo evidence as you can. Seek a parental order ASAP. Don’t stay because you have kids together, I did for 4years and almost committed suicide I was so unhappy. The best thing I ever did was end the relationship get a protection, parental order and set boundaries.

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Sounds like your with my ex lol

No reason to stay is a good reason to go.

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For 3 years of a 5year relationship I dealt with my narsistic ex telling me I would be no one and have nothing if I left him.
But here I am, over a year later, with the most loving partner and step dad to my kids. While my ex is still trying to figure out his life! They only tell you that because they know they will be no one and have nothing without you!

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Wow this feels like what I’m going through for 5 years too :weary:

I don’t see any reason to stay other than maybe he pays for most things? Have you ever just left when he comes home so he has to fend for himself with the kids? Has it always been this way? If so, why did you stay and have kids with him? If not, what changed? If he thinks so little of you, why did he propose, or why did he say yes when you proposed? Did you both want kids? Only you? Or neither it just happened (twice!?!)?

You can try couples counseling to see if the relationship can be salvaged. If he refuses to go or refuses to listen to the counselor, you have your answer, and you can say you did all you could. Are you willing to do the work to improve the relationship also?

I’d recommend individual counseling/therapy to help you sort things out with someone who has an objective perspective. Maybe make a list of pros and cons of staying and going. If you change your behavior or responses others will be forced to change.

Then if you do decide to leave and break off the engagement, make a plan to leave safely. In the U.S. you should be eligible for child support and possibly other benefits. Work with a women’s center, domestic violence hotline or organization, social worker, lawyer or women on this forum (or any or all of them) to determine what you want to stipulate in terms of custody and visitation.

Do you want sole custody? More time with you? Fifty-fifty? (Could affect child support) Would he be a decent dad on his days with the kids? Is he likely to show up for visitation? Or pawn the kids off on others during his time? Would you be OK with the children always being at his mom’s when it’s his time? Would you want to stipulate supervised visits only, and if so, family or court supervision?

What about if he brings random women home while he has the kids? Do you want to stipulate a length of time before he can introduce a new love interest to the kids? Until she (or he, or they) get to take the kids out without the dad? Lots to think about.

What about who has power to make decisions in what circumstances? Would you or he want to relinquish all his rights to the children? (May or may not be able to do this w/o someone else willing to adopt them.) You wouldn’t get any support but you and the kids would never have to deal with him ever.

How do the children feel about him? About your fighting? Can you get or afford counseling for the kids to help make the transition? Do you have other people in your life who can be a supportive team?

But seems like you have the luxury of some time to plan your exit somewhat safely, though sounds like he is emotionally/verbally abusive. Sounds like you and your children are not in imminent danger or being thrown out on the streets, so plan your future deliberately and carefully. I think most women would advise you to do much of your exit work on the down low so he won’t have time to screw you over before you separate, but maybe your relationship is just good enough to sort through all the decisions together if separation is definitely what you both want. Still, get financial statements, tax returns, and other info soon & stash the evidence outside the home with discreet friends or family, at work/school or in a post office box or safe deposit box. .

Just a thought: if his nastiness has increased, does he have a side piece? Does he want to keep you as his house slave while he gets his kicks elsewhere? Or could he be trying to alienate you so you’re the one who decides to leave to make you out to be the bad guy or pay for a lawyer? Or is he suffering from something medical or started new medications that could affect his mood/personality/behavior?

I’m sorry you are going through this and wish you and your children the best and a happy future.

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you deserve better and that’s all there is to it. leave & start over, you’ll be happier.

Call this guy he can help you get away from the abuse you’ve been going through!

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Get rid if him now!!

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Sounds like it’s time to go build a better life for your young ones u know u can do it from when he left before

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Your life will be amazing and so will Ur babies life ,he says all that BS and does nothing to help U because U have probably told him Ur had enough and Ur leaving many times and haven’t gone ,wake up call just leave cause nothing going to change

Why are you even asking??? He’s terrible now, if you get married it will get worse.
Run !!!

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Dnt waste your time, life is short. Do what makes you happy not stressed.

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He is going to continue to treat you this way. Who owns were you are living. If he owns where you live it does not bother him to show you the door. If he forces you out take your kids with you.
Give yourself a break. Even though you want to go to school right now it sounds like you have to much on your plate. Put your school on hold until your children are in school all day. Then begin to start school again. Your first responsibility is to your children. They come first. You and your boyfriend can decide later if you want to marry. Think of the kids first and do they like him. If not, then you have to respect them for babies know whether they like someone or not and they usually do not like seeing their mother abused be it physically or mentally.

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He’s not worth your sanity !

Sounds like you want out and to be honest - you and your children need to get out NOW! Biggest hugs and strength x

Don’t waste your love time and youth anymore.

Leave him. You’re doing it all anyway.

Honestly it sounds like it already sucks so what could be worse about it LOL might as well leave and see if there’s anybody better out there cause there are plenty and plenty of fish in the sea LOL plus sometimes being by yourself is 1000 times better than being with somebody who doesn’t make you happy

Wow, it’s like you’re living my life. Except, not always. Like 70/30.

There’s an underlying issue. Get him therapy.

He Is Lying, You Best Believe That When You Leave You Will Be Happy.

I think you know the answer.

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I’m in the EXACT same boat girl!

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Please be responsible and leave! Your children are living this life with you😞 Good luck sweetheart x

You just listed down every single reason as to why you’re better off. Trust me, you’ll be happier without that baggage of stress !

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You will be happier …maybe not immediate but you will be …just leave

Bloody hell what on earth are you still doing there. Just leave with the kids let him clear up his own shit your not his slave.

Advice? Go be HAPPY!!! You deserve it!

Go be happy, you deserve it. Leave him.

Would it be ok for your kids to be going through the same thing when they’re older? There’s your answer

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Tell him cya later or better so pack ur bags and leave so one day he comes home and ur gone!

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I JUST got out of a 6 year relationship and we were married for 3 years so let me tell you leave. You will feel so much better. I finally had my straw with the disrespect everyday, not helping with our two kids too, having me do everything in the house and then would complain about what he thought could look better, he would tell me ways I could be a better mother in his eyes, he also always said how he wanted a divorce and told me to pack my things up then would switch it around. I never said I wanted a divorce and I thought staying would be better for the kids but it is not. So we split two a a half months ago and I feel GREAT! In the beginning he did not take it well and I’ve had to file harassment papers to get sent to him because he is not in control of me anymore.

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Narcissist! At least that my opinion

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Please get out!! You deserve so much more, we all do…

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Leave girl Think of yourself/ and kids……

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Leave you will better off with out the drama.
Think of your kids !

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Read what you wrote. You know the answer yourself. You deserve to love and be loved. Your children need to see a healthy relationship. Good luck :heart:

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Don’t get married to him. Leave. Take your kids. He will always be like this married or not. Ur doing it by urself anyways

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Girl you got a whole life to live. Go do that and let him take care of himself. You keep making his life easier, he’s never gonna grow up.

Why do u put up with it

Umm. Quit doing shit for his ungrateful ass. Leave
Idk why yall come to fb knowing damn well we going to be telling you to leave his ass. Yall shouldnt need confirmation from a bunch of stranger on how to live your life.
You sound super miserable like you really want to leave. So why stay

Leave!!! You will be happy again, relieved, do it now and enjoy the freedom!

It won’t change at all, most likely will get worse if you can believe that, but, do not waste precious time that don’t get back on someone you are not happy with, probably won’t ever be happy. Better to walk away after 6 years than walk away after 10, 15, 20 years.

I got tired of the same situation after 11 years. He got worse I left and raised my two boys by myself. Yes they could contact him and he them anytime. But I could not have been happier. I volunteered and did many activities with them I did not look back and think what if. I was worth something And more than what I was getting. I became important to many through volunteering and raising them. I also took I foster Children. It never got better and yes we did 2 1/2 years of marriage counseling and the counselor said he didn’t want to get it so I needed to make myself happy and important for my kids

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His behaviour will get worse. Youre teaching your children that this is normal behaviour
Leave. Make a life for yourself and your kids without him.
Please don’t marry him

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Leave, you may think you’ll be unhappy because he’s told you that. But you really won’t. It’ll be hard and sometimes you will feel overwhelmed and alone, but it gets better and you realise that your actually happier x good luck

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Move…you’re not doing your kids any favors by staying and witnessing how he treats you .

Get out honey… he ain’t even meeting your sexual needs :joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy: ahh what’s his use then. Stop threatening to leave. Look for a place sign of on it and start moving your stuff. One day say go bye and don’t return. See how happy you will be without him.

He does this because every time you leave you come back and he has now taken advantage of that. When you leave for good he’ll then realise what he’s done and maybe by the time he realises that it’ll be way too late

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He thinks you can’t live without him

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Run… and don’t look back… I wasted yrs in that situation… I seriously regret it… u will be happier on ur own… run

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6 years is far long enough. You are doing everything yourself anyway, I would just go. It will be an adjustment and you may feel guilty but don’t let that deter you. It will be better for you and your children. They should see you happy and loving your best life with them and without him.

He’s not going to change. Leave.

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girl bye it’s time to leave you shouldnt stay just because you guys have kids together that’s so unhealthy and think about what it’s teaching your kids about relationships having kids is not a reason to stay you can still parent together and not be in a relationship I think it’s time to live on your own with your kids I think you’ll find it not as stressful and easier then what your dealing with now

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That’s just emotional abuse… of course you’ll be better when he is far away and you can think for yourself. Someone like it only out for themselves. Do it if not for yourself, but for your kids. They didn’t ask to be in a hostile environment.

Ask yourself “Would I be happier on my own?”. If the answer is yes, then you know deep down you should probably leave. If he’s saying it because he’s tired and exasperated (mine says stupid stuff when we fight) then you need to tell him when you’re both calmer that showing you the door isn’t solving the problem. You sound like there are issues you need to talk though. Spending more time together, sex, parenting styles, why you both feel the other is lazy etc. Maybe get someone to babysit and go for a long walk across fields (you can shout and cry but you can’t really walk off and you’re not in public). Talk it through and be adult about this. Why are you still together?

Doesn’t sound fussed if you leave or not … just leave and both be happy

He’s not tired and stressed out because he does nothing but go to work and relax. He should be left to do all the chores and child rearing for a week and see how he likes it. Douchebag!!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance tells me I will be unhappy if I leave, but will I be?

Leave honey you deserve to be happy he’s been selfish and sounds like he has FMC fix,manage and control. He can visit the kids never stay with someone bc y’all share kids ur kids don’t deserve to live in hell watching mom n dad fight etc. He doesn’t sound like he has confidence in himself so therefore it’s hard for him to condone for u too have any. Girls, start showing these MEN ur worthy and beautiful mommas/women clean up look beautiful who cares if he notices as long as YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF don’t seek his validation babydoll there’s a man out there who would adore you and ur babies and make u the most happiest woman ever plus you might not even need a man for a lil bit we can live a beautiful life with or without a man I’ve done it. Nxt time he shows you the door get ur babies and walk out of it and MEAN BUSINESS. I can stand when a man tries to make u feel unwanted unworthy and useless. Just kno ur NONE OF EM. Good luck and hope you gain ur HAPPINESS bk for yourself and kids best wishes. You ever just need someone to talk to feel free momma to PM me GOODNIGHT

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Life is too short to be miserable, don’t want your kids learning that that’s how a woman should be treated :cry:

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Sounds like he’s bringing you down and draining you. You could definitely be using that energy elsewhere, into something positive.

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6am to 2 pm? And the wholllleeee rest of the day left? And he isn’t taking the time to help out?! Me and my husband literally take 1 hour of working together to clean on the weekends and the house is a whole new vibe and we begin our week on a relaxed note. We have 2 yr old and 2 months old. If he sees me drowning trying to do things for both at once he is always quick to jump in and parent our kids. We have a partnership. We were friends before dating and were together 13 years before we ever had a kid so we really have that strong bond and compassion for one another. I say all this to say… NEVER SETTLE. If a man who lives in the same house and bed with you feels like a stranger or roommate then something has to be fixed

Why should you leave and uproot the children. No. Show him the door and when he’s gone change the locks.

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Leave, girl! You’re better than this!

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I didn’t even read your post. Just the first sentence above the paragraph. Anyone who ever tells you, you won’t be happy if you leave is automatically toxic and need to be terminated out of your life.

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Sounds to me you already made the choice. You said so yourself you are unhappy and unhappy parent affects the children as well. Ask yourself this would you want your child to be in a relationship like yours ? Children cannot thrive in an unhealthy environment you two are setting the foundation for them remember what they see and experience is very important. Seeing constant emotional abuse is like telling them this is the norm and should be expected. No relationship is perfect but 2 trying individuals makes a huge difference. You are holding on by yourself and therefore blocking your own blessings. Time to move on find happiness in whatever that may be coparent the best possible and live your life If this pandemic has thought us anything is that life can change and end in a blink of an eye. Life is too short to be so miserable and be hurt all the time.

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Being alone is better than being unhappy. Your children will pick up on that. Also, you are modeling behavior that your children will find acceptable in a relationship. It is super hard, I know first hand. But over time you will find someone who values and respects you.

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Leave and find a man who wants to build you up! There are plenty out there.

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If he’s putting his hands on you girl, leave bcz later it’ll turn into more abuse, RED FLAG!!
Do you have family/trusted friends??
You should never have to BEG a man to love or tell a man how to treat you, you deserve better baby girl.
Congrats on going to school!

I feel like you already have your answer. You’ve listed a thousand reasons to leave but only one to stay and that’s the kids but kids don’t always grow up happy with their parents together. Your home is only going to be a more toxic environment if you two are arguing and hating each other most of the time. All relationships have issues but if you are that unhappy you deserve more and staying is only showing your kids it’s ok to be treated like that or to treat their partners like that it’s not ok. Xxx

Get the hell out you would be much happier an you are young he disrespects you you don’t deserve that get out an good luck

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Leave. He doesn’t put any effort into you or the kids, and the kids will pick up on how unhappy you are. It’s better to be happy and do it alone, than to be unhappy and do it alone.

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Time for him to leave. He is worse than a child. You already don’t get help so you know what life will be without him. He shows he doesn’t respect you or the kids. You are strong and will be fine without him. You deserve better.

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I hope it gets better for you, I know the roommate feeling, if he acts like he doesn’t care it’s because it’s not an act… Find your strength

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If you leave with your children that is one less person you have to take care of. Staying with him will only teach your children to disrespect you and all women.

Leave. He can be a good dad and y’all not be together. Most days relationships are 80/20. It sounds like you’re always the 80% . Just a little advice here, once its expected it’s no longer appreciated. You deserve to be appreciated love.