My friend doesn't clean up after her kids at my house: Advice?

Is it not common sense that when you come to their house you make sure to watch your kids and ensure they aren’t destorying things? My friend will constantly bring her kids over, which I don’t mind. But I find myself watching then and cleaning up after them. She will bring them sticky food over and let them eat and not wash their hands or clean up their mess and it get’s me everytime. I feel like something like this should be common sense. Is it not?


Should be common sense… but that’s a rare thing these days.


Your house your rules real simple, if she can’t respect that, then she’s not a friend


Have you actually spoken to her about it?


I would just correct the kids. You make the rules in your home. While they may be able to do this in their home, it’s not ok in yours. If you friend doesn’t get the clue; I would stop having them over. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Lol I actually know slot of people like this​:joy:Drives me freaking insane. I make a point of always cleaning up after my children when I visit people. I’ll have friends come over who let their kids run amuck, destroying the place while they tend to other things. I’m like ummm helllo​:joy::rofl:


Absolutely not, that’s rude and disrespectful, speak to the mama or end get togethers at your place

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It’s definitely coming sense and she should be more considerate of your home and belonging. Definitely speak up and say something.

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I’ve been there as well. Although I’d rather have a friend bring there own food I’ve got horror story’s that’s for sure . Some people are just different then others

Deff would be common sense. Until her or her children followed your rules at your house then limit them coming over or go to a public place to meet up.

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Say something to her

Michelle Ketola you and I taking turns catching kids or wiping hands or this or that while in mid conversation lol

Go to her house and do the same to her, see if she says something to you about it


I personally always try to make sure my kids clean up any mess they make at someone’s house. If you know they are leaving soon, I would say to all the kids to help clean up before they leave. I find it to be rude, but that is just me. :woman_shrugging:


I clean up after my girls. But then again my dad their poppop is lil ocd. So my standards of cleaning and his is not the same. So he told me. And i do my hardest. So just talk to your friend and explain how you want YOUR HOME TO BE TREATED

Should be but alot of people just don’t care

I make friend’s kid’s clean up their mess at my home and even their own. :rofl:


Stop inviting her over.

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Start getting on to the kid. A lot. Hand the kid some cleaning supplies and see what happens :100:

If I invite them over I don’t mind the toys being thrown about my kid doesn’t it also. And if a friends kid is sticky or needs a face wiped I do that too. Now if they are breaking things that’s a different story. If you’re not okay with it find a different place to meet up. I have friends that come over because they just need a break from all the mom stuff and I’m there to help. Maybe she just needs a friend and a mom break :woman_shrugging:t3: talk to her about it nicely.


You definitely should talk to her about this. Nicely of course. It is common sense. You are not their maid or nanny. It’s the mom’s job to take care of her kids if she is visiting a friend or a family member. I wouldn’t put up with this. It’s like she’s using you for free child care. What kind of friend does that?

I purposely dont have people over at my house :woman_shrugging:

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But I do make my daughter help clean up when we leave

Stop having them over

Say something to her and the kids like if you’re going to play clean up the doors or you can’t play next time

When kids cone over to my house (which ain’t very often) they clean there mess up

Tag her in this post​:rofl::rofl:


I do this with to!! It’s ridiculous!! And she gets upset if her kids are being “mistreated”. They are being disciplined and shown manners and told to respect other people’s property!! Lile WTF I always make sure my kids or I pickup after ourselves. Her lil heathens come and destroy my clean home!! She always expects someone else to deal with her kids when she comes over or is at her moms!! She yelled at her mom for scolding her child for ruining a cassette tape with a family members voice on it that had passed away years ago! Like really you can’t handle or discipline your kids but yell at your own mother for scolding your pain in the ass child!

I don’t allow my kids to eat without being at a table, so when others come over they eat at the table as well. Then off to the bathroom to wash hands with them all. That will solve your food problem. As for the mess. Before there getting ready to leave I’d just blunt out say… it’s time to clean up before you go home.


Go to her house and do the same thing. If she says something then she’s obviously just walking all over you. If she doesn’t say anything then she’s just a slob. Or maybe just try talking to her about her being disrespectful

Just talk to her :blush: she could be struggling so always be kind!! Just sit her down and be polite dont do spiteful things like do it back to her that’s terrible advice. Just let her know that it’s been bothering you and you’d appreciate her making sure she cleaned up after them or better yet that she made the little ones help. You could even make an activity out of it. Sing the clean up song! Have some hand sanitizer or fun soap for their little hands. Im different than a lot of moms. When there are kids over I dont mind one bit treating them like they are my own. It is very rude to let kids mess up someone else’s place but she may be exhausted or struggling herself and that extra push and kindness could just save a friendship and it’ll make you feel so much better leading with love.


Quit letting her come over

Why would you not just tell her to stop? Let her know food is only allowed in the kitchen or dining area (or whatever) and that you want her to pick up her crap. If she can’t, she can’t bring food, toys or kids with her. Tell her kids food is only allowed in certain areas and they are responsible for picking up their things as well (age appropriate). If you cannot do that, are you really even friends?

When they make a mess or eat anywhere but the table. I would tell the child to go to the table to eat when there done I would tell them it was time to clean up and wash there hands. Before they leave I would tell them it was time to clean up. Do this every time and she may get the hint. Rule at my house was always if I did not allow my children to do it I did not allow someone else child to do it. May God bless you


It doesn’t bother me if I have to clean up after people at least it getting done my way and no complaints


your house your rules…make the kids clean up after themselves

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I am in control of my home my things in my home I am the boss if they dont like it dont bring your kids, I am nice and I will treat them like they are my own, I ask them to pick it up and put it back where you got it, go wash her hands please, parents have a problem then leave them at someones other than your home. I do not mind at all to let them know that you do not do this at my home ,If they let there children act that way at there home no problem, But not mind, if it bothers them dont come over with there behavior. I do ask with a smile and that look I mean business, I think that will do the trick just saying.

Always take the last 15min of your visits for clean up time an everyone gets a “treat” after

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Tell her to clean uo her kids mess

Next time when she’s about to leave say… “ok, kids! Clean up time!” she should get the hint. You may have to do this a few times until the kids just learn the rule of the house. They’ll either start cleaning up knowing that’s now the rule at your house or they’ll not want to come over anymore because they have to clean up. It’s a win win situation!

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It is common sense and courteous manners to make sure you watch out over your children. The next time she mentions coming over, just tell her she can’t bring her children unless she cleans up after them. You have your own children to cleanup after.

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It’s your house. You clean it up. You dont want to? Dont allow them over. Dont complain about “common sense”.

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Common sense is not common any more…


Oh, good lord, you are not alone!! I despise this! It is common sense to people who grew up with proper manners and home training, it is only those who do not keep a clean house nor have proper socialization skills that allow their children to do this. Pick better friends. The end.

People don’t have common sense :skull:

I just think it’s common sense to either tell your kids they will help clean up or u do it for them. If you don’t know that then it’s disrespectful. :woman_facepalming:

It SHOULD be common sense, but I have noticed over the years that people don’t always supervise their kids (or make just a sort of half-assed attempt) these are often the same people who’s dog leaves messes on my floor.

Sometimes I have put up with it because I have valued what has been a long time friendship otherwise. Certain friends would be so insulted it would seriously affect the relationship. This difficult choice is what stops some of us from confronting our friends…
Yesterday a friend of over 30 years was visiting. Her dog, as she often does, peed on the floor. I said nothing, as I know this friend would have been embarrassed and our next visit would be awkward.

It should be common sense but apparently it’s not. Say something to her.

It is absolutely common sense + basic manners. Have a polite chat with her, if she gets offended or throws a fit then she is not actually your friend, you’re just her maid and babysitter. Anyone who thinks differently needs to do some personal reflection and healing/learning if it doesn’t come naturally to pick up after your child ESPECIALLY at someone else’s house.

Your house your rules
When my kids were young I didn’t allow food any place but at the kids table where they could still watch tv , I also kept toys organized in clear totes and only two two totes at a time . I also had clean up time before snacks and lunch . I made the rules clear and everybody had to follow them or sit in the big chair . People always said wow my kids listen at your house . I always had kids wanting to come back so they didnt mind . I had lots of toys , movies and snacks but you had to behave and they knew it .

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Just mention it next time they are over. Say something a long the lines of “hey, we love having ya’ll over but everytime you leave there is a huge mess to clean up. From now on maybe we could have a clean up time for the kids before you go home so everyone is cleaning up the mess made.”


Tell her she needs to watch her kids.

My cousin is like this, so his kids aren’t allowed over with him because he doesn’t make them help clean up the mess they make, plus they waste a lot of food! Like take one bite of an apple and they are done with it.

I always say, okay kids time to clean up the mess you ALL made 🤷 when i see them getting ready to leave


Say something. When I’m at someone else’s house I’m ALWAYS aware of what my kids are doing and clean up after them if i have to. Even if they tell me it’s ok i know it’s not ok.

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Then say something to her, or don’t let her come over.

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I had a friend just like that! Used to hate to see them come. It eventually ruined our friendship. And the more you think youre sending hints the more they act like they dont hear you!!! Blows my mind. Id never let my kids act like that at someone elses house!!!


Oh my goodness did you seriously find the need to complain about it, tell your friend yourself instead of asking everyone if it’s common sense. :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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My guess is your friend comes to you/your house, to get a much needed & safe break. Maybe she is hoping you will help out with the child so she can decompress a bit. Why is that so awful?
My friends bring their kids i do feed them, play with them, clean up after them, change them, bathe them if need be, go to a park, tell Mom go take a nap.

Perhaps its her way of asking for help without having to ask~


Yes you would think so.But maybe you should say something to her if she’s your friend.

I make everyone’s kids clean up their mess before they go. I tell the kids directly. Talk to them just like I talk to mine. “Hey, where do you think you’re going? If you’re done, clear your place and put the dishes in the sink and the garbage in the can.” “Ok guys, start cleaning up. Time to put the toys back where you got them. Let’s go. No one leaves and everyone helps until it’s done.” I’ve had kids ignore me and their parents just stare like they’ve never picked up in their life (I’ve seen their homes, some haven’t). But that doesn’t stop me. I’ll single them out and direct them individually. “Listen Chad, I understand this is new to you, but we clean up after ourselves in this house, so get moving bub.” Special needs? Cool, my kid too. But if you got hands you can put that shit right back where you got it. lol

Make her kids follow the same rules that your kids follow. Don’t wait for her to say something, just take charge and when they need to wash their hands tell them to, when they need to put things away tell them to before they leave and if she doesn’t like it the oh well and maybe it will get through to her and if not then she stops coming over.


Should be but its not.

I had a friend years ago who would come over and forget she had kids. She would enjoy herself and I would be running after her wild kids trying to keep them from destroying my home. One day I locked the door when she pulled up and acted like I wasn’t at home, after doing this about three times she stopped coming by. I never missed her !


It would if it was me

Can you say I’m not at home or not answer the phone

Say something. It’s your house

I have people in my life like this, I just don’t let it slide, I tell the mom to take her kids to the tablewith thier foodand drink, make sure shehas a wash rag for their hands. If the kiss get to rough w the toys, I explain once, second time I put the toys up. I literally tell their mom to get up and not hollar from where she’s sitting…


Definitely talk to her. Maybe she’s like that at her own home. Or she could be letting you deal with the kids just because you know she will. If you feel that way you should definitely talk to her. You don’t want to ruin a friendship over miscommunication: if she gets upset by how you feel. That tells you a lot about her. Sorry lady. When I hang with my girl friends and our kids we help each other sure but at who Evers house we follow the rules that parent sets in their home.


O, I’d definitely tell her something.

Set “house rules,” make a little poster with them, put it where everyone and see it & explain them to all the kids & mom, then enforce them with everyone. You will be doing these kids a service.

Is other mom overwhelmed by her kids & just can’t deal, or is she lazy? If the latter, you may be doing HER a service too! My mom used to ask, “Were you born in a barn?” meaning shut the door, pick up, behave. Maybe this other mom didn’t have any good role models so you become one for her.


Man, if I only knew that rule & other people knew that rule before I let my friends with kids move in! :joy: Probably would’ve saved a few friendships! But in my life’s experience I’d have to say not everyone is aware of taking care of your own… And they won’t be until something is said. But guaranteed there’ll be some kind of fight over it. But that’s just my experience lol. :woman_shrugging:

I had a sister in law who did this upto 3 times a day she would descend on me whilst her husband went the bookies. Her kids would trash my house. Wee up the bathroom walls and floor and generally cause mayhem. Then she would stride over the mess and leave… this went on for years!
Now she ignores me in the street because I divorced my ex. Wish she had ignored me all those years ago too :angry:!


Set some rules for your house. Tell ALL of the kids (including yours) that snacks are to be eaten at the table and everyone will wash their hands when finished. When playtime is over everyone helps pick up toys. Discuss it with your friend and tell her your just trying to teach your kids what is expected about keeping things clean.


Are the kids old enough to clean. Accountability starts early

Treat her kids like you do yours! It may be hard if you don’t already. If she isn’t going to, someone has to.

speak up… i had to…

I’d feel dumped on. If having her visit means more work for you and is beginning to strain your friendship, maybe suggest meeting up at a playland, park, etc for coffee or her house instead.

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Idk i sometimes think i come off as a bitch twords my kids out places that way like, naggy. but i mean its only because i want them to have manners. So if shes not like that Idk lol

That is so incredibly rude of her. My nieces used to do the same thing until I put my foot down about it and now they always clean back up after themselves. Maybe sit her down and talk about it.

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Called Respect …Yes The children should pick up there toys and what not and mother should be there with them show them respect not disrespect…

Tell her nicely to clean up their own mess just say please?

Definitely common sense anytime i go anywhere i clean up my kids mess i definitely do not leave a mess bigger then when i came. Even if its messy i clean theiress up plus some just to help out.

:joy: :joy: :joy: :joy: Natalie Adams was this you? :joy: :joy: :joy:

I’ve had friends that did that, one would bring her children over, they would play with the toys that were there for my grandchildren and then be upset because I made them clean them up. Mind you, my grandchildren weren’t there, and her children were the only ones playing with the toys.

I’ll often announce toward the end of a playdate, “Alright everyone! It’s time to start cleaning up!” I’ve had some who were resistant and have told them plainly if they can’t help clean up, they can’t come over to play again. I’ve done it in front of the parents. Any time my kids play somewhere, I tell them to help clean up. To me, it’s common courtesy.


Its commom courtesy but she may not have been taught that growing up. Sadly ive learned that many things that SHOULD be commom sense just arent for everyone 🤷 at my house everyome follows my rules and sometimes the parents dont enforce things but I will still say we wash our hands we sit at the table when eating (not walk aroumd while eating) if she doesnt like your rules and her kids following them she wont bring them and you can maybe go to her house 🤷

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I hate mums like that its cos they dont teach their kids from home. I have a 2 year old and as small as he is he knows my rules about clean up time and thankfully even if we go anywere he will clean aswell. I guess if u must tell her about it she will feel offended

Make suggestion sitting to eat at table, offer to wash hands. It’s your home, your rules teach in love, show to pick up. Some parents dont show or teach their children, sometimes because they were not taught, just remember be kind.

If she can’t clean up after her own kids (which is something a parent is suppose to do) then tell her she can’t come back over until she takes responsibility for her kids and clean their shit up. :woman_shrugging: That’s just how it is.

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It’s your home. You NEED to lay down rules/law and let her now how feel.

I would make her clean up after her kids etc and if she can’t follow rules wont let her back. Its not the kids fault the parents gotta teach them

You have to tell her you like your house clean, and that she needs to clean up after her kids,dont allow sticky foods

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if she truely ur friend this wouldnt happen open up and tell her

Girl speak up…your house your rules…they won’t replace anything that gets broken or ruined I am guessing


Just speak up… set some rules…


Not everyone has common sense

Tuh! U and your minions stay at your house because you’re trifling…enough said!