My friend doesn't know how to tell her husband the baby isn't his: Advice?

My friend is in a difficult situation. She’s married and recently had a child. When she conceived the said child her and her husband were split up. When she returned home and they agreed to work it out she was pregnant obviously by someone else. She had intercourse with her husband upon returning and waited to tell her husband she was pregnant as they recently had a miscarriage so her intent was to make sure everything was ok before telling anyone. When she told him she left out the important detail of the child not being his. The other person knew of the situation and agreed to not cause any conflict and allow the husband to be daddy tough decision but the both agreed but if life changed or her feelings changed he’d step up 100%. Well fast forward husband hasn’t said anything but sometimes seems a little skeptical but also gets excited when people tell him the baby looks just like him. The baby is almost 3 months old and she wants the other man to be part of as she’s finding herself struggling and needing help with the said child but also doesn’t have the words to tell her husband who’s trying but can’t necessarily provide the support she needs because of his work hours. Side note the baby looks almost identical to the mother but is slowly changing and showing some feature of the dad. She wants to know if she should say something when to say something and if so how she should go about it I’ve tried to provide support but Im not exactly sure what the right answer is I feel it’s going to hurt either way. Help Mamas Uncut !!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-friend-doesnt-know-how-to-tell-her-husband-the-baby-isnt-his-advice-re/21572

The truth will come out in some way!

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Honesty is the best policy, she’s going to just have to woman up and deal with the consequences of the truth and the fact she hid it this long. The baby and both men deserve for the truth to be known, no matter how uncomfortable that might make her feel.

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Tell the husband yesterday and get a dang paternity test.

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Um, she will be divorced and how dare she want another guy because her husband works. Ridiculous

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In 3mos how can the baby be slowly changing ….:thinking:unless he is a different race……Anyway she needs to tell him ASAP …I’m pretty sure he may have some doubts

Yeah this will most likely end her marriage. He will be a very forgiving and patient man if he stays. This is something she should have said straight away, as now it’s a festered lie and will only hurt more … Goodluck …

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She just needs sit him down and tell him be straight up for once. If she would of been honest to begin with she wouldn’t be in this situation :woman_shrugging:t4: The husband definitely deserves to know and that child deserves to have it’s real father in it’s life. If she don’t come clean now that child will so grow up to hate her.

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Should’ve said something quite a few months ago… Jesus :roll_eyes:

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Your friend is scandalous

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Can’t wrap fire with paper. Should always be honest.

She needs to be honest and also get a paternity test to make sure.

Just tell him the truth.

Just say it. This is not right.

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Truth needs to be told. Lives will be shattered. She should have told the truth to begin with, not just now because she’s struggling with care. He deserves to know the truth and let the peices fall where they will🤷‍♀️

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I hate people like this, I feel bad for everyone except the mom

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Why did she wait??!
That information should’ve been divulged when they decided to reunite.
Her deception was deliberate.
Her husband needs to know!

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That man deserves to know he is not the biological father of that child. This is a major lie. He is now financially responsible for a kid that’s not even his. She needs to sit him down & tell him. There is no easy way to tell a man that you’ve lied for nearly a year about the paternity & that now you want the biological father to be a part of the child’s life. She needs to stop being selfish & only thinking of herself.

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She needs to do the right thing and tell him, alot of damage done already, he doesn’t deserve that.

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Might as well go on Maury if she doesn’t know how to tell her husband lol

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Truth sets you free.

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She failed all the way around

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She could get a DNA test done with the other guy. Then with those results she will know if there is something to say or not.

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She needs to be an adult and tell him. HE doesn’t deserve that.

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Her husband deserves the truth. But in that she may be out the door.

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I’m just wondering why would you slept with someone else even if you are separated you are still Married to him

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So you cheated and are calling yourself someone else?

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Similar situation. My fiance and I had split up and I was seeing someone else but still hooking up with my fiance too. They both knew. I ended up pregnant told them both. My fiance and I were back together and he raises the kid as his own whether he is or isn’t however you should tell him something that important. We don’t know and he accepted our son if at some point he wants to get a DNA test he’s more than welcome to without anything on my end.

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Tell him… he has the right to know and make his own choices

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Tell him. The child will also will deserve to know.

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Just tell him that she wasn’t sure but now she believes the baby is not his.
But she needs to act now))) the longer she prolongs the worst it will be for all parties to adjust!

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Wow! The truth, no matter how painful to hear is the only way to go.

What a sleaze, she’s been scamming that man and she needs to come clean.

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Is it possible she was preg before the split with her husband and just didn’t know yet? Either way she needs to be honest with him. If not she is definitely going to live in guilt and her husband has every right to know that baby may not be his!

This is information he should have been given right away so he could have made an informed decision on whether he wanted to work on things with her. What an underhanded thing for her to keep a secret, keep the biological father at a distance until she needed help, and to let the husband get emotionally attached! Tell the truth and accept the punishment and outcome!

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Well she can’t have it both ways. She can’t keep up the charade that it’s her husband’s baby and then decide OOPS now I need help. She needs to tell.her husband ASAP and plan for him to divorce her.

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Get a Dna test done, if it’s her husbands then no need to say anything because they were split but if it’s the other guys then her husband definitely deserves the truth.

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I feel bad for the husband. He deserves to be happy and raising a child that’s not his with a wife that doesn’t even want him is sad. DNA test and divorce is looking like the way it should go.

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Wow. She wants support from the biological father because her husband works long hours. Stupidist crap i have read. She should have been honest from the start. She is in a big hole now. She should tell him now and let the poor guy know the truth. What a asshole your friend is

To all of the people judging this woman and saying she should’ve told him months ago…that’s not helpful. Obviously she probably realizes that.

Just be there for your friend. She needs to tell him and he will probably blow up at first but once he cools down he will choose to either leave or stay. Let the man feel whatever emotions get dug up. Then just support your friend through her ups and downs. She will probably 1000% need a shoulder to cry on so she doesn’t nose dive in her mental health. :heart:

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She’s scr3w3d . Say goodbye to your marriage he will never trust her again

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Yikes. She should be honest. Not fair to either guy.

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Her husband deserves the entire truth.
And she better expect him to leave.
I know it’s not easy but lying makes it worse. Better he find out now, from her.

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So basically, your friend was happy to let her husband play Daddy to a baby that’s not his. Until she realised he doesn’t have as much money as the real baby Daddy? Em, ok.

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Do a DNA it takes about a month.

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There is no easy was to tell him. Just be honest. Just be prepared for what happens afterward

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WOW way to go…no wonder…what a douchebag… that’s a shitty thing to do

You both are :wastebasket: lol I couldn’t imagine even being friends with someone like that.

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Seems like a lot of excuses to be a shitty person. She should come clean thats so messed up.

DNA test and then say. But thats really disgusting and heartbreaking for the husband. There’s zero respect for him

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12months ago should have said something

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She’s a h*** and she needs to tell him. :woman_facepalming: the child deseves his or her real father and her husband shouldn’t have to support a child that isn’t his. I hope he leaves her. You don’t keep something this big :woman_facepalming: what’s worng with you women smh it’s not hard to be honest with your love one

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There’s no other way around it. Nothing is going to soften that blow. As all that time went on, all she did was make it harder on everyone involved and that’s so incredibly selfish.

I don’t condone cheating while married, separated or not, BUT the husband could’ve at least TRIED to reason with possibly forgiving it, but that’s all out the window now.

In my eyes, she’s more sketchy for withholding the info, than the actual act of doing what she did.

No one deserves that

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She need to cut open the truth. Long therm is damaging to her child. She may not see that yet but it’s selfish and living a lie. You made your choice/ don’t deny him and later your child their own choices. What happens in the dark always comes to light. How is there no consciousness though? That’s also disturbing.

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She needs to say something the really dad to the baby wants to be apart of his child life n he should be it’s not like the guy said he didn’t want to be or didn’t think it was his n her husband needs to know the truth

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DECEPTION/CONCEPTION… What a seriously shameful lie… She should get the child’s dna done and come CLEAN with that man who is supporting her and her baby who probably isn’t his… and then set that poor man free so that he can find someone who will love and respect him. She obviously isn’t capable of either. What an evil mess she has woven.

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Should have been honest up front. He deserves honesty. How can you work things out with lies…

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She should have womaned up and said something. In my opinion. That’s going to be a rude awakening when he finally does realize that’s not his kid. So she needs to tell him asap.

Everything about this is just wrong. Tell your friend to step up and tell her husband the truth. Damn lol

There is no perfect way to word this to her husband. To be completely honest, what your friend did he her husband is foul. She needs to come clean and she should’ve done so the moment she got back with her husband knowing the child she was carrying wasn’t his. Regardless of if she wasn’t sure the pregnancy would come to term; he should’ve known right then and there.
That being said, she needs to tell him and he has every right to know. The fact that she’s only contemplating doing so now bc she’s struggling speaks even louder on her character.

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Your mate needs to tell her husband , and then divorce him . He deserves a truthful marriage , everyone deserves one … but she’s told the other guy and not her husband ? Yeeeeh nah , your mate is a twat ! She doesn’t shet :rofl: but she should just tell him with no emotion , make it easier for him to leave (he might be different and hang around​:woman_shrugging:t4: never know)

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So she had sex with him when she returned with the intent of lying and saying she was pregnant with his child…? Absolute yikes on bikes. That’s super super shady.

**she should have told him SEVERAL months ago. They were separated when she got pregnant—that’s not the problem. The problem is she’s been lying intentionally from the beginning + now she wants the biological father in the babies life because her husband works and she wants more help that her husband can’t give…while supporting her and a child that he doesn’t know isn’t his.

I hope this doesn’t destroy every ounce of trust he has for any future relationships.

What a piece of garbage your friend is. That poor husband of hers is gonna be more than hurt. Honestly don’t feel bad for your friend, she dyg her hole on her own. She’s trash!!

Ewwwww your friend is disgusting poor guy poor kid :face_vomiting::poop::wastebasket::facepunch:

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What the hell did I just read. The husband should’ve been told from the very beginning. It seems like she intentionally left that part out when she told him she was pregnant because she knew what his reaction would be and that’s not what she wanted. Now though since she’s still not happy and getting the help she thinks she should have with the baby she’s wants to tell him about it but just for that reason alone and that’s sad.

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Omg she needs to tell them ASAP that’s not even fair to him at all

There is no way to prevent this hurting. She just needs to tell the truth and accept that her marriage will likely be over.

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Wow :flushed:. Tell her to pack up and leave a Dear John. Best thing she can do for this man is leave him alone. Pretty huge detail to “leave out”. It’s kinda astonishing she’d even entertain a different outcome in her mind. You too

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Personally I think it’s going to be worse now that she waited this long to say something to him. And it’s definitely going to be hard for her but the sooner she says something now the better. For both the child and the husband, maybe she should reach out to a couple’s counselor and set up an appointment because it’s going to be tough to get through this if he even chooses to stick by her after. She could tell him in the office to have help getting it out and probably someone to speak to if he walks away.
I feel so bad for her husband who is now going to go through emotional turmoil trying to figure this all out as he has been loving this child as his own and now will have to make room for a random man to come in and be apart of their lives.

I’ve seen this situation so many times. She has to tell her husband. Whatevrler happens happens. She has a kid to worry about now. So either he’ll have his real dad or have 2 dad’s. But she needs to tell them and go to therapy for sure.

Order a paternity test online. I’d start there

Oof she should’ve told him long ago but hindsight and all that… tell him now and be prepared for the backlash. If he’s already suspecting, put him out of his misery. Don’t let him keep thinking that baby is his and let the bio dad step up if needed.

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Put baby up for adoption if you’re scared of risking your marriage.

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First you need to be 100% sure with a dna test. Also in some states like mine if they’re married it’s his until paternity can be established. But I think she needs to be 100%. Either she needs to let her husband know she needs to have a DNA test. ( I thought I had a miscarriage only to still be pregnant, so that’s why I think she needs to be sure.)

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So basically she knew she was pregnant, slept with the husband to trick him and only wants to tell him so the possible bio father can step in because husband isn’t giving her the attention she wants because he’s busy working to provide for her and a baby that isn’t his? Wow and women get mad when a man asks for a dna test….this woman friend is a prime example of why they ask :woman_facepalming:t2:

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Should have been honest from the start!!! This poor man has probably bonded with this child tell him now while the child doesn’t understand as then you will be hurting 2 people :woman_facepalming:t4:

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Wow so she wants bother guys to raise this child because her husband who thinks this child is his works to much and it to hard on her :flushed::persevere::woman_facepalming:t3: wow she needs to step back and breath first second she needs to talk to her husband that’s absolutely necessary he will find out eventually the only way they are going to possibly make it threw is if she tells him and he doesn’t find out on his own or it’s done for for sure :ok_hand:t2::100: third she’s not gonna get both baby daddies to step up and raise a child she had out of wed lock soooo yeah she’s gonna have to think this threw big time but the only right way is the truth other wise this mess is going to turn into an atom bomb :bomb: so much worse if she doesn’t tell the truth and it will come out eventually it always does :persevere: thanking god for my small life problem yeeesh

She probably said something before… you’re friend is S.0 L. Unfortunately. I really can’t see this going well. Sounds like she wants to “Eat her Cake & Have it too” which never really works out for people.

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Uhmm…yes she should say something…she should have said something long before now! She’s selfish! Its going to hurt her husband even more now than it would have if she told him sooner. The poor man deserves to know the truth!

She cheated on her husband, got knocked up by another man, lied to her husband about said child, child’s actual father is ok going on about his life with zero responsibility because another man is doing it for him, mom can’t handle being a mom because of her husband’s work schedule so she want the guy who was ok taking zero responsibility to give her a break with said child
:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:
The poor husband and child.

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Omfg this can’t be real

He has the right to know if the child is not his

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She needs to tell her husband BUT … she could say
“So I’m noticing the baby doesn’t look a lot like you…. When we were split up I hooked up with someone and I didn’t think much of it because you and I got back together but I can see more and more features of the other guy…”

And see what he says

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Wow, her poor husband. He likely would have accepted the baby early on. Now he has been lied too for about a year. He deserves the truth

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Wow. This news will crush her husband and likely end their marriage. I hope the other guy steps up for the child.

Your friend is horrible for misleading him that way. She should tell him the truth and then let him go.

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Rip the bandage off and tell him straight away. There is no good way to tell someone something like this. She is scared to tell him and she is stalling when she should just come out and say it. He deserves to know, and the child deserves to know their biological father. Goodness this is a sad sad situation. Prayers.

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She should never have lied to him. Getting back with her husband, knowing she was pregnant to someone else and playing it off as his is brutal. She needs to be honest with him now because he is already attached to this baby and time will only strengthen that attachment. Her marriage will more than likely be over but then she can have the baby daddy like you say she wants. She can’t have it all unfortunately

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Wow, she shouldnt have lied. We lie in the bed we make. Just tell Him, nothing is going to make it less painful.

Better to tell him now before it goes any farther

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She needs to let him know now asap !!! That is so wrong.

So do DNA with the supposed real dad if it not his you know it the husbands. Dint blow it unless you have too…

Nothing she says is going to make this easier, unfortunately. Had she said something immediately, as soon as she went back to him, they may have been able to work it out since technically they were separated. The fact that not only is it another man’s child but she KNEW and said nothing, idk how you come back from that or even if it’s possible. That’s going to most likely destroy the marriage. All she can do at this point is be honest and deal with the consequences of her poor choices. She made her bed by being secretive and dishonest. It’s going to break that man’s heart.

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She definitely needs to say something like now don’t wait that makes it so much worse she should have never kept that from him and the dude who said the other guy can raise the baby Isa joke like ummm what … People need to own up to the choices they make she literally is doing everyone dirty and hurting herself also that’s just crazy and should have been dealt with from the get go that way everyone knew the truth and could move forward I. Whatever. Way worked for everyone. Just tell him there is no easy way since she has been dishonest this whole time

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Maybe keep to self because kids look weird anyways even when they get older they don’t always look like parents I look nothing like my parents.

She took away his CONSENT to provide for a child that isn’t his. That should be illegal.

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All i know is i hope her husband leaves her for good once she does tell him… my god.

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She needs to tell him now and just be honest I rather be told by the person that the kid in mind and buy somebody else

Honestly she should tell him