She currently has four girls. Stay at home, mom, because of her infant and toddler. Her husband works, but here’s the catch he goes to work when he wants to. He’s never home and always hanging out with the guys after work till after 12 am. He says he’s not cheating. He pays rent but is picky with the grocery money(limited spending) has a hard time giving his wife money to pay other bills. He cant hold, change, and bathe his infant. He doesn’t do house chores. He expects everything at home done ready and clean on top of that wants to be fed but is never on time for supper. She has asked him to move out many times, but he never listens, and she has taken the keys away many times also. But he just won’t leave. He won’t change, and she can get the “cops” to help because there isn’t any domestic violence involved. What should she do? TIA for a friend
She leaves then and stays with friends and family
Take her kids and leave. She may have to be financially responsible anyway cause there’s no guarantee he will so she can move.
Then she should leave. She can start over. It’s not always about kicking him out. Sometimes we the women have to make that move
She needs to move out. And obviously stop sleeping with him
Get his financial info and get a lawyer
Is the house rented or the husband renting on the wifes house? Why don’t she relocate and never tell the husband about the new place. When ever he wants to see the kids they’ll meet in a public space, as he doesn’t even contribute on bathing nor changing them.
If their both on the lease there is nothing she can do with the police. She has to leave and take the kids with her. Get a good lawyer and go file for divorce and custody before leaving.
He is a financial abusive narcissist
If he won’t leave then she leaves.
Well, they are married still so that gets complicated. First she needs to talk to a lawyer. Second she’s probably going to have to move with her babies if the house/rental isn’t solely in her name and wasn’t hers before they were married. Third she needs to get a job, because she’s not going to be able to take care of things without her own income. Most of all talk to a lawyer and leave. Sounds like what I went through and it’s not going to get better or change. You’ll eventually end up losing everything and he won’t buy and groceries. Good luck!!
File for divorce, claim financial abuse
Sounds like she is going to have to leave, he will never give up what he feels he paid for…file divorce w child and take hime for alimony to help cover you finances until employment can be established
She can move out, but then she is financially responsible.
I would leave if I wanted out that bad . Oh heck I did just that with my 4 children . You get married to have a partner not a selfish person whom isn’t around anyway .
Get a legal seperation this way u wont be responsible for his shit and then collect child support i woukdnt tell him shit save up money whike u are still kiving enough for a place for u and kids then move get a legal seperation cause u just move out u are justcas responsible for his as he is with urs
I wouldnt duvorce him so easily yet legal seperation then if he strikes the lottery guess wat u only legally seperated get the idea right
Get a job and move out and do it herself?
But u get ur own place first then establish legal seperation cause u wouldn’t want to be responsible fir his shit whike u have ur own stuff to pay for
Can you support yourself and your girls?
My question is this…if he leaves how are any bills going to be paid if you aren’t working?
I would suggest finding a way for childcare and getting a job yourself and then finding your own place and you move, if the separation is something you want.
Those are “Red Flags”, do whatever you have to do and move on. You and your kids lives matter more than his does. Leave, while you still have a life.
Following for advice
This is why you always make sure you have your own money and/or a financial backup. Alot of men get stupid when they’re the sole provider. I would never choose to be a stay at home wife even if my husband was rich.
Leave him save money as he seem clueless and does not care for her very outdated selfish man loser leave be Free
Tell the police that she scared of him … get a epo … change the locks … Or she can just shoot him like everyone else
If she was serious and ready she’d do what she needs to do to either get him out or move out. There’s nothing more unstoppable than a woman who has had enough and makes up her mind to do something
if she truly wanted away from him, she would leave. don’t mean to sound rude, but it sounds more like she’s venting to a friend about this instead of actually trying to fix the problem.
Make a plan on the DL. Find a safe place to go with kids, file for divorce quitely(so he can’t be spending and hiding money and assets). Leave the same day as he is severed with divorce papers. Play it cool until you are out and papers are served. Stash some money between now and then to help get you through between leaving and getting a job… Soon as you are out you can file for assistance with the state as a single mom legally separated for child care and workforce to get a job.
Get a lawyer and file for divorce and a place of her own? This is ridiculous honestly. He doesn’t leave because he’s paying the rent and if his name is on the lease or the house is his he doesn’t have to. He also doesn’t take her seriously since she’s done this before and not followed through with anything else.
Change the locks and at that time he is trespassing regardless of them being married. Me I would get a restraining order change the locks and go from there and if he tries to come back then the cops can do something then
Why keep having kids with him if he’s like this?? I highly doubt he just started acting like this after this child!! This is why having kids to fix a relationship is never the way to go!! She doesn’t work, so how is she to take care 4 kids plus herself if she leaves him?? Is her friend going to let her live with her for free?? She needs to put on her big girl panties, find a daycare and a job to have the financial means to leave him!! In the meantime, she needs to get on birth control so she doesn’t come out pregnant again before she she gets a chance to leave him!!
I like people saying… Move out and get a job and do it yourself… Yes that’s all great but 4 children… Child care is alot of money
Get your own job and save up then kick him out
I think you are married to my husband
Pack up your kids and leave. Go stay with friends/family. Or go to a shelter; they may be able to get you temporarily housing. Legal aid can help with emergency child support, and a divorce.
Drop that MF like a f****** dime
Sounds like 25-40 % of marriages out there. That’s why it’s best to date at least 5 yrs before marriage or children.
Too bad he is mama’s boy she will have to say she have 1 boy 4 girls.
File for divorce and ask to stay in the house in the ‘temporary orders.’ And document EVERYTHING.
There may not be physical abuse for now… but, he is abusing his family!!
If he wont leave then she has to when hes at work leave stay somewhere where he doesnt know where.she is get legal counsel move on this situation will not get better lifes too short.to.put up with this guy good luck
When he goes to the pub, change the locks. Boom, done 
If he is paying the bills, I don’t see why he should have to move out, She should leave and start taking care of those babes and file for support if she really wants a different life. Encourage your friend to get a job and move in with a friend or roommate while she gets situated
Why doesn’t she leave.
Dont do a goddam thing for him, do you’re own thing and fuck his rules
Go get an eviction notice from the court then call the cops and have him put out with all of his things and it does not have to be a domestic violence relationship
The cops told me if he won’t leave I have to
Sounds like she needs to get a job and move out. If he leaves who will support her???
I wouldn’t make him shit. If he can’t work all the time and stays out with his friends till 12 am then he don’t need to come home at all. Both need to contribute to bills and the kids. If he does pay rent he shouldn’t have to leave. Then your going to have to leave and find your own place. If you can’t afford it then your going to have to get a job and figure out day care.
Pack her shit and get out. No more depending on this fool for shit. It will be hard but she should turn to her close friends and family for support at least with her babies while she finds a job and gets her own life
In my day a stay at home mom took care of her home, appreciated her husband and cooked for him. Today that’s not the way, women want it all, not possible with the boys that girls tie themselves to. So my advice is to get a job, pack up the kiddo’s and leave or file for divorce and have him served with a restraining order. Of course, if he’s not violent that won’t be possible, being lazy or a bad choice for a husband isn’t a good enough reason. If he wants food, tell him to do the shopping and hand the utility bills over and tell him that these need to be paid also or the food will ROT and not be cooked. No clean laundry or home either if there is no water, electric/gas to do it. When he married he took on a responsibility to care for his family, not continue to party like a single boy! If you didn’t know he was ready to settle, then shame on you.The girls today NEED to learn that you can not change a person, they change if they choose so, if not, you are stuck with what you marry.Does he hang with his pals because you nag the minute he walks into the house? Do you fight with him instead of lovingly ask him to do things? The tone sets the terms of the union, record yourself and then listen to it when he is gone. Do you sound angry or accusing? Learn to change yourself, that is all you control, but be happy. Next … You need to sit down and talk to this boy and lay out the needs of the family and if he can’t do that, he needs to leave or he will be forced out. Get a lawyer and find out what legal remedies you have and what you can demand from him before speaking. Most states offer a free consultation. A divorce may be the only thing left but remember to find a man before you marry, not a boy and hope you can change him. Good Luck, you do deserve better and so do your children.
I would pack his stuff when he leaves put in next to the front door outside, change the locks with a sign that says “contact my lawyer”
She needs to be the one to leave with the 4 kids
Take her and the kids in and help her live a life without him in it.
Send him back to his momma
Divorce his ass, get a job and take care of your kids. Don’t do a damn thing for him
If he left then how would she pay the bills? Perhaps she can call her family and move out.
Sounds like my life right now
if he isn’t leaving, it sounds like she should
How is she going to pay rent if he leaves? Maybe better if she leaves .
This is still domestic violence.
How is she going to pay for anything if he moves out? I feel there is a lot missing here. If he pays rent, then they dont get full coverage housing assistance.
If it’s her house then maybe get a court eviction but I’m not sure if that’ll work if married
Um. He’s paying the bills sooooo yeah. What’s she gonna do. Demand he leaves but then that he should still pay for the bills there AND a new house.?
File for an eviction would be the Only way
Go through court system and formally evict him. I dealt with the exact same situation. Legal eviction was the only way. Good luck.
If she don’t work, how she gonna live-something to think about-welfare will get kids if she can’t support them
Get a job and her own place
She needs to go and try and fine a low income housing and food stamps etc until she can find a job. But most likely that will just go to childcare. I dont know what she should do. Can she stay with family since he wont leave.
Cassandra Joy Baumgartner
She’s going to have to leave… she can find a job, go ahead &put him on child support… find a place to go. I have four kids I don’t see it being easy but if he’s not leaving you do what you need to do. 
If he leaves he stops paying if house is in his name he can evict her
Change the locks when he does leave. He cant come back in at all.
So she wants him to leave but he pays the rent, bills, and supports them ??? Umm ok… I think she needs to put up with it a little bit longer while she gets situated with a plan in place for her to leave .
If she files for legal separation, keep ins, and home. No expiration date. Amount of garnished pay will be determined by existing debt and income. You’re the mom. You keep house and kids and an auto. I was terrified, this was a huge relief.
Why doesn’t she leave? If it’s a home and not an apartment, sounds like she needs to look into divorce. The lawyer and court will decide who stays, who leaves and who pays for what. In the meantime, maybe she should look into getting a job because someone will have to provide for her when he leaves and guarantee he will not be required, not should he be required to give her 100% of his check once they split. PSA Ladies… STOP RELYING ON MEN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!
Why doesnt she just leave? The whole story isn’t here. If it’s as bad as she is saying she would take her kids and go for a better life.
Maybe she should start by filing for divorce? Sounds like she needs to speak to a lawyer. Or start finding means to leave herself.
How about she leave since he pays for everything. She sounds lazy, doesnt want to work to support herself and wants to stay in a place where everything is paid for her. No one is forcing her to stay there keys or no keys. If you want out, you get out.
Sounds like somebody else’s problem…
It’s possible to leave with 4 children. Hell yes it will be hard… but sitting around wondering what to do isn’t going to help. Make a plan… and stick to it momma. Start putting money back some how if you can. Don’t tell him about it. You are accepting this behavior so he will continue. So you have to leave. Find a friend, family member, someone. If you guys are married, file for divorce, (some states you can get lawyer help) and custody, child support, spousal support. This is just what I have done with my ex husband. It was the longest two years of my life. (Court, getting my own place…) I had gotten two jobs… I was also a stay at home mother) I had no car. I put my pride aside, applied for food stamps, day care help… I managed to do it because I wanted and needed it. It’s gonna be soooo hard but if she is set on this… go for it and don’t stop until you finish the process. I’m sorry you are going through this. Good luck 
So this guy, goes to work, pays theBill’s, budgets groceries, and all he wants is kids taken care of and dinner? Damn, sounds familiar. Sounded familiar to judge too. I’m very happy in my house, with my children, my dogs, my trucks, my Harley, etc while my ex wife who had this exact same complaint is sleeping next to her mothers washing machine in a basement last 2 years. Some people…
Howsthat not abuse his demanding to be fed and the house clean if not looses his Shit he limits money so she is forced to stay and won’t help with the kids that’s emotional abuse and manipulation abuse doesn’t need to be physical
Nothing basically. File for divorce and let courts take care of it. She cannot change locks or kick him out since it is his home as well. Courts will most likely decide on a 50/50 split of assets,etc. The children are another matter.
depends on where she lives…she needs to get in touch with domestic conserler to get advice and steer her in the right way…
they will also help her to get living assistance ect for her and her kids…this is mental abuse
Most mommas don’t have a support system to just leave where they have settled. The situation sounds miserable, honestly. A low income apartment takes forever to get. I applied for one 4 months ago and still haven’t even got a call. If I was her, make him cook his own food. Live like he is a roommate. Don’t wash his clothes, don’t pick up after him, take care of your kids until you can get a court date set up for CS (child support), then that’s when you can start moving on with your life with your kids.
Divorce, child support?
It seems like to me he is not in love with you any at all like he loves his friends more than you get a divorce and get child support
How would she pay bills if he left? She doesnt have a job. She should get a job and and her own place and leave
Only thing she can really do is move herself out or file threw the court to have him leave.
She needs to get a job support herself and then find a place of her own. Not To be a jerk but women expect that because they have the children that they automatically get the house that the man is paying for, let him keep his house and she can go work for her own. I’ve been a single mom and have had to work 2 jobs to take care of my kids when I only have 3 of them with literally no support from anyone I had to rely on public assistance and day care. It is not impossible to do. She wants him to leave because she’s expecting that he will continue to pay all of the housing expenses and she just simply won’t have to put up with his presence. That’s just a lazy way to live. She has stayed all this time with him despite all of those issues because she doesn’t want to financially support herself otherwise this wouldn’t be an issue and she would have left a long time ago
Stay out of her business
But, who’s going to pay the bills if he leaves? If she wants out of the situation so bad, and doesn’t need him around financially (even though she really does), she can just leave.
Get herself on housing, child care, and become independent without him.
Sounds like she needs to get off her butt and get a job and pay her own bills. She can’t make him move out of his own house bc he’s not on time for dinner 🤦
Only thing she can really do is get a job, support herself and kids. If either of them leave, it’s not his place to support her. Yes, he should help with the kids, but she should also. It’s hard being in a situation like this, but the answers are kind of obvious. If he did pack up and go, how is she going to survive at the moment? That would be the first step to figure out, it seems. 
Have they tried counselling sessions? Maybe the man is actually depressed…Men cope with anger and depression differently. Divorce isn’t always the answer. I feel sorry for her but divorcing may not ease her stress.
Go to a professional counsellor to get help to work through this situation. If possible, get him there as well.
She can leave it’s that simple and even if she has 4 or 10 kids if it’s that b a d leave