My friends let me down...am I wrong to feel this way?

I had a birthday party the other week and had planned a day out and then some drinks afterwards. I had given all my friends atleast a months noticed. Some said no straight away because of other commitments like sport etc which was totally fine. Everyone else said yes and then even on the day still said yes and can’t wait to see me. Im the type of person who shows up for everyone, Im always giving advice, there when they need me, I’ll always drop what I’m doing to help someone unless something is more important and then I’ll tell them I can’t. Then some excuses came in and I sort of thought that’s okay they’ll celebrate another time. In the end I ha 5 people turn up and only one of them was my friend, the others were mutual friends via my partner. It was nice with the people that did show, but I actually felt lonely thinking I have no friends. I guess I just feel a bit defeated, disappointed and wonder why I bother so much anymore when I just get trampled on. Needless to say it was a pretty shit birthday. Especially when I prefer presence over presents.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My friends let me down...am I wrong to feel this way?

Sometimes we need to reevaluate persons on our lives

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I get this 110 percent! I’ve had a couple of birthdays where i felt defeated and disappointed. And just flat out not important.

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I think when we give so much to others they just come to expect it and it becomes a one way relationship. Which is sad because big hearts we need more of in this world but we always get stomped on. But going forward hun, invest your time in to those who invest theirs in you and you’ll quickly start seeing who’s worth their weight in gold and who isn’t.

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I don’t have good advice, but I’ve gone through this. I’ve always been the ignored friend. So now I ignore them,m

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So sorry for the inconsideration shon to you.

I can understand that we all have a lot going on with our life’s and sometimes we have not time to even socialize with friends and family, but it’s completely unacceptable, rude and mean to say that you will attend a event and never show up.
Just say that you can’t go , so the other person can make proper decision or change their plans

Find new friends. Your current circle does not appreciate or value you at all. You deserve better. Happy birthday :partying_face:

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It’s such a cliché… but you have to show up for yourself. Take care of you like you do others… refocus your energy on you. Prayers♥️

This is what kept happening to me. It took a year basically for me to be ok with the fact that I just plain and simple had selfish “friends” and that in the end I wasn’t losing much. But I have found im MUCH more guarded now because of it. I used to be a huge social butterfly always going above and beyond for my friends and even acquaintances because it just made me feel SO good to see someone smile and make them know they’re important, but in the end for whatever reason, I got sh*t on by them all. From what I’ve heard, every one of them continue to do this to their “friends” after a year or so of hanging out. It’s just crazy to me.

I just had to really remind myself that I know I’m a good person and they’re the ones missing out. And it’s true. It sounds this way for you as well. I’m sorry :two_hearts: I know what it’s like.

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Just keep in mind that not everyone has the same heart that you do.

To be honest, the past two years for my birthday it’s been my husband’s friends who drop everything and show up for me. I wouldn’t have it any other way at this point. Whether they come for him or for me, or both of us at least I know they’ll be there

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I have learned that you do what makes YOU happy, because people are always a let down. Last year I went for a nature walk with my kids. This year is the first year without my Dad I.plan on watching Graham norton, and will be on placement. Focus on you. And I’m super sorry you had a crap day.

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Stay in touch with those 5.

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Honestly it was your choice whether to appreciate and enjoy time with the people who turned up or just focus on those who didn’t… You don’t need 100 friends just 1 or more good ones.

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Aw so sorry you had a rubbish day even friends can be inconsiderate.Happy belated Birthday I hope your next one is packed to the brim with new kind considerate an lovely loyal friends who love and cherish you and you have a smashing day.Sending love.:kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart: xxxx

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Then those weren’t really your friends you need to get rid of those people who secretly don’t support you and get new ones it’s time for you to grow babe! Happy birthday make your birthday a good one don’t let others control how you feel!

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I understand. Sorry that happened to you. It does hurt. I had a 50th birthday party. 2 ppl showed up. Not counting the band I had.

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Iv learnt that as you get older you figure out who your friends really are and who you can depend on and also who deserves your time.

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I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a letdown. I think I would just make plans with the friends who came this year for next year. But I would spend the earlier part of the day doing something for yourself. A bubble bath, a trip to the salon, a massage, a nature walk, a movie, just whatever. Then go have fun with your friends and your husband. A good day. Happy Belated Birthday :birthday:

Yeah I had friends like this too. Found myself better ones :blush:
Your village is out there.

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You are their friends and not vice.versa.
That was Revelation at its best

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I see what the problem is…you!

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Jessica Patino always let’s me down

This breaks my heart.

I know this won’t be easy, cos it obviously goes against who you naturally are as a person, but stop making yourself available for people who don’t return the effort. If you happen to be available, great. But stop ALWAYS being there. You’ll quickly see who’s there because they like YOU as a person and who’s there for the benefits.

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I know people have a busy life but when you say yes and especially on the day then don’t show, then you’re a :poop: friend :woman_shrugging:t4:

I think it’s time to find you some new friends who’ll be there to celebrate with you, support you when you need it and be there for you to grow not drag you down. These are clearly not it. And that’s ok because sometimes what was good for us at one point in life, won’t be in another point.

We all change and grow as we get older. Well some do and when that happens you’ll find who does and doesn’t fit into your life anymore.

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I would have been bummed

Now you know who you’re friends are :thinking:

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Now you know who you should drop things for and who u should just always show up for… some people will use you turn around and say we all got problems. Like really but you want me to put my problem on the side okay :joy::joy::joy::joy:

Some people have zero activity and zero people that care and some have zero care to celebrate and that’s okay. Birthday parties are for kids. I grew out of it. It’s different when you have children. The focus shifts. I don’t want my son going into adulthood feeling like bday parties are a must for self worth. He’ll grow out of the need too but for now he gets celebrated. You need different friends.

Some people have zero activity and zero people that care and some have zero care to celebrate and that’s okay. Birthday parties are for kids. I grew out of it. It’s different when you have children. The focus shifts. I don’t want my son going into adulthood feeling like bday parties are a must for self worth. He’ll grow out of the need too but for now he gets celebrated. You need different friends.

Stop being there for all these acquaintances… Enjoy the fact that people did show and learn that you really only ever have a few friends… those who are there in the good times and the bad times .

Let them to know how you fell in your birthday! Just be honest!

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Don’t feel bad… I have no friends and no one ever (after 16 years old) throws me a party. I also do for others and feel lonely most of my life.

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I don’t care about presents either just the people, I get how you feel and I am in the same boat, so very sorry sincerely…

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I go thru same thing and I cry feeling lonely if u ever wanna have coffee pm me

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I stopped celebrating my birthday years ago.

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Family are better than friends :two_hearts: they always show up :raised_hands::crown:

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Best piece of advice I ever received “stop expecting YOU from other people, you will be less disappointed.”

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You just described every birthday I’ve ever planned.
Some people unfortunately are just assholes.

It’s important tio know who your friends are.

My grandfather always told me… the only true friends are in your pocket ! $

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I’m the same way as you. My husband gets mad because I follow through on my commitments and I have friends who don’t. You know what, I’ll keep showing up for them because that’s my nature and it makes me feel good as a person. I don’t care if they don’t make every function I plan, that’s on them. Only time will tell if they show up to my funeral. The last thing they can say about me is that I was there when they needed me. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Think with people getting so used to electronic communication that getting together seems more foreign with everyone. I totally understand how you feel. My friends, long term ones are all over the country. Those closest one lives 500 miles away from me.

This is why I don’t do birthday parties for my kids. We always ask them what they want to do for the day. It’s usually beach or the zoo. Memories will last a lifetime a party only lasts an hour or so

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Sorry you felt that way on your birthday celebrations. I would’ve felt gutted tbh. Im a friend like that, I love with my whole heart and its sad when u feel a certain way for ppl but it doesnt match for them and their just a fairweather friend. Focus on the real people :heart:

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I’m used to no presence or presents lol. Birthdays suck

Make it known to those who you thought were your friends, how they made you feel. Don’t be petty or spiteful just be honest. If you have 1 true friend that shows up when asked, that calls to check in and not to just use you then you have way More than most people. When you sit and think of your so called friends I bet you never considered the one who showed up to be the one who would do anything for you because they never ask of anything from you. Being a friend isn’t measured by what you do or they do it’s about who is there when asked or needed and loves you unconditionally.

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Stop giving up your time for them tell them no now and again see how they like it

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So sorry. That’s so hurtful

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I have learned myself that you have to make the most of everyday on your own. It definitely does suck that they didn’t show up, but just keep in mind for next time for them.

I have one true friend 600 miles away. Keep my circle small lol

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I believe we should focus on who did take the time and show up. Alow yourself to feel hurt by your good friends not coming and then release it…I had something similar happen on my 50th birthday…Happy Belated Birthday🎂

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True friends are hard to find

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That’s exactly why I Love my furfamily. Humans Suck!

Happy Belated Birthday!:birthday:

Move on now and don’t hold a grudge. Be gracious and thankful for the ones that did come and help celebrate.

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How old are you? Might be too much to expect a whole gang to spend the day out and then have drinks afterwards.

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My 30th birthday is tomorrow and I feel this so much! Already getting the excuses

Less “friends” = less drama

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That’s why I have no friends. It’s not worth the one sided effort.

Make sure to show appreciation for the one that did show :blush:

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Life happens. As people get older it gets harder with their own family and obligations. If your bday was sh*t that’s because you let it be. You pinned all your expectations on other people. What if they had showed up and it didn’t work out the way you wanted? You built a scenario and it didn’t happen the way you wanted. You had folks show up for you and you still weren’t happy. Let go of your expectations and enjoy what you have.

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You are entitled to feel any way you want to. But sometimes thats just how things go. I had a similar experience, but to be honest, I had a blast with the people who came. I am thankful for the people who do consistently show up. You don’t need an entourage. Quality over quantity.

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So how old are you??

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I’ve had friends like that, and my energy is 100% but they gotta give to me what they want me to give to them u know? It’s a 2 way street. I’d rather be alone than have fake friends, people that just want to be friends when it’s convenient for them. I don’t have to spend my time being upset with someone for using me because I dont allow it to happen, not saying ur allowing it. I’m sorry ur friends can’t recognize how lucky they are to have someone like u! I only wish I did!

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Dont expect you from other people. Maybe they just didnt wanna go hell 5 ppl is actually pretty good

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Find some new friends

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I feel ya. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 16. I always tried to make my husband’s birthday a special occasion with his best friends with surprise fish fries or cookouts but all I ever get if I’m lucky enough for him to remember is a birthday card.

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Honey no friends is better that fake or one sided friend reevaluate your circle

Give the same energy back when it comes to their birthdays and if they need something. Sorry you had to go through that. You always find out who’s a true friend in the end.

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sorry you felt that way, Five people showing up still is a nice turn out, But of course you stated only one was a true/real friend the others were just mutual friends as per you, That is a damn shame, that you feel & look at things that way, Five people came to your little party, be grateful, Now as for the other so called friends, yes they should have told you even at the last minute they couldn’t come, But they didn’t , so what are you going to do now??? Unfriend them???

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Unfortunately you cannot expect you from other people. It’s a sure way to get your feelings hurt. Also be mindful that your place in others lives is not going to be the same place you’ve put them in yours. Trust me when I tell you it’s a hard pill to swallow.

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This is what happens when you grow up

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1 good friend is way way way better then 1000 half asssed ones count ur blessings and move on!!

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I did even get a happy birthday last year it really depends on your age once you hit 30 and have kids ect that’s normal really these days everyone is so busy with their own lives and so anti social :woman_facepalming:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:hopefully you made some new friends maybe life can’t always what we want it to be but yeah that’s still upsetting happy late birthday :partying_face: plan a trip or day out next year

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sounds like you need to drop people out of your life

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When people show you who they are…
BELIEVE THEM. Time to sort and let go

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Things happen. Holidays, events cause high expectations, dont let the world dictate how things should be. Enjoy what comes. Smallest circle is best as friends come & go.

You found out who you real friends are

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Sadly, it’s what happens when we grow up. We’re so blinded by all the other “adult stuff” we forget about humanity, love and family/friends…

Find your 1 or 2 solid friends and only invite them- less disappointment in the future and always a good time regardless! I have 2 friends I invite to all functions, even my sons parties, who show up every single time. That’s all we need! :sparkling_heart:

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Unfortunately this is life as an adult, friends come and go, I even had a friend of 20 plus years drop me because of something stupid, but the one friend that did show up is a keeper for sure

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Same thing happened to me a few years back. Even had family that didn’t show up. But I tried my best to enjoy it anyway, and like you said…now you truly know who is FOR YOU. Try not to let it get you down…their loss. Best wishes and Happy belated Birthday!!

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I’ve given up having friends. Not worth the bullshit drama and heartache honestly. Fuck everybody lol

Things do happen in people’s lives, so it is possible it was a coincidence and sometimes we focus too much on the people who weren’t there that we overlook those who were.

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This happens to many people. The thing is if you can count your good friends on one hand you are very lucky. After I had my kids I realized FAST who is worth my time and who just takes takes takes. I’m in no way blaming u but people will take take take if u keep giving. Put yourself and your family FIRST and only show up for people who show up for you!! Period.

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Honey, this is adulthood. Kids, jobs, marriage, animals, other family commitments. There’s only so much time in a day.

I don’t even have most of the people that rsvp to my kid’s parties show up.

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I used to be the same exact way. I would jump for every one. No matter what than I realized no one jumps for me. No one comes for me when I need them. So now it’s my 3 babies and I. Was a hard adjusting at first but in the end it’s better to have no friends than back stabbing ones

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Drop them and do you.

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What you’re comparing isn’t fair :woman_shrugging:t4: you describe yourself as being there when they need you. A birthday isn’t a need. It’s not even a priority. Most likely, most replied yes and then last minute decided they didn’t feel like being out all day. And a birthday isn’t an event to just suck it up and do what one doesn’t feel like :woman_shrugging:t4:
Maybe for a child, but most definitely not an adult

OK I kind of can understand where you’re coming from
BUT wtf? You had a Sh!t birthday??? :roll_eyes::face_with_open_eyes_and_hand_over_mouth: :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: that pisses me off that you said that because you in your own words said that five people showed up for you plus your partner…. So what you’re saying is those six people that were there for you… didn’t mean shit to you and that they didn’t make your birthday special so your whole entire birthday was a sh!t birthday :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
That is truly ungrateful selfish and disgusting.
You’re more worried about the people that was not there for you then you are about the people that were there for you… 

Happens to me all the time too, you’re not alone.

Same thing just happened to me for my birthday. I’m done. I know now whose there for me and whose not.

Happened to me a couple of years ago. Scheduled a party. One couple showed up. Friends are now acquaintances.

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I agree with your feelings. I would pull away of the relationship as best friends and make them accuantices. Better to have that one or true friend instead of friends that aren’t there for you when you make time for them.

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The unfortunate thing I’ve learned as an adult is you have no friends. If you’ve grown up with a couple of people you’ll have maybe one but otherwise no.

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You need to not expect what you are willing to give from everyone in your life that is a major set up for disappointment. We are all adults and life happens and sometimes people bail it happens. I know it’s kind of a slap in the face but that’s life. Maybe stop being there so much focus more on yourself and not always being there fir everyone and be there for yourself

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I celebrate myself I don’t really worry about others. If I get to go to dinner with my 2 sister-friends I’m good. If it’s just the family I’m also good.
Yes, it’s great to have friends to hang with but you can have just as much fun doing you with your partner as you can with 20 friends. But it isn’t just you.
I have a new friend that had a gathering last year and out of 30 ppl that she invited 7 showed up, 4 of us she had just met the year prior. If people are doing things differently, time for you to move differently.

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Don’t feel bad my birthday was last Thursday and I didn’t have a party, worked 14 hour shift just to pass the day, bc I honestly don’t have any friends…it’s always been this way my whole life…I love my birthday but I really don’t celebrate it…what’s the point

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