My friends let me down...am I wrong to feel this way?

One of the toughest things I learned in life is that not everyone is meant to remain in your circle. Especially if you are a giver. The one who is always there. At some point you have to stop and take a long hard look at all the relationship dynamics in your life. Begin placing boundaries. Those that seem to never reciprocate, begin telling them no. Just simply, no I can’t. From there the empty relationships that are one sided will begin to disappear. The takers will gravitate to those who are willing to give and never ask to receive the same in return. Basically they will take themselves right out the door. Those you have left that are willing to show up when they can, those are your people. It’s a painful process and will sometimes include family too. You may even see where being a giver comes in as a trauma response due to certain family members you grew up with. Then heal and move forward. Good luck and happy belated birthday :birthday: :partying_face:

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Treasure that 1 friend that showed up <3 those are the keepers in life. Happy belated birthday dear. Wishing you many many more

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Possibly not really your friends???

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Its an ONLINE lufe no. People get tired and they dont show up last minute.

ENJOY the ones who did and let it go. BLESS and release it.
Show up at their function for?YOU. Leave it at that.

Well now you know these people aren’t your friends

Drop your expectations of people. Pretty lucky to have 5.

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Don’t let it make you feel that way sweetie. You sound like a great person. Just remember that day and how you were treated. You don’t have to stop being who you are but you might want to rethink your “friends” list and venture out a bit more or simply keep your circle smaller. Don’t expect people to be as kind as you are because chances are you’re going to be disappointed. It’s sad but true. People just aren’t the way they used to be anymore. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there.

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Good thing I found out at a really pretty young age how this feels. Been peacefully living with no backstabs or disappointment :relieved: it gets lonely sometimes but that is so much better than a disappointment an fake plp surrounding you :upside_down_face:

You saw the real them, now you know how to move accordingly no more advice no more favors no more invites…find new friends that like you

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Be happy, you were able to celebrate with someone. I had 5 yrs in a row alone with no one to say happy birthday at all. Apprciate what you got.

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You learned a valuable lesson

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I had 2 surprise parties by my bestie that went similar to this, and by the end of the 2nd… she showed me the 30something invites. Other than my mother, sister and besties husband… there were 3 people. She was more upset than I was. Mostly because she planned food and arrangements for so many people, but she felt like I was let down and I do so much emotionally for everyone that she felt I would be hurt. I just took it for what it was. Not that I wasn’t bothered, because I still am (my bday is in November) but even worse… Im still the helper and therapist. I try to keep to myself, but I know people are selfish and some still need help. Obviously, the 25 people that were so self consumed that they couldn’t stop by need guidance :rofl:
I guess my point is, people suck and are so self consumed nowadays, don’t take it personal, keep it in the back of your mind, but don’t change who you are because of their lack of respect for other people. The world needs “helpers” and unfortunately there aren’t more of us because of how people treat us. But that’s what makes us special. Any one of those people that didn’t show for you, those people will need you one day. And it’ll be for something important. Just remember as you give advice and get them through tough times that you didn’t need them, you wanted them. They need you

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Those who didn’t show up are fair weather friends, not a real friend.

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Well it looks like you have new friends!

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Sometimes it is our own expectations that let us down.
We expect people to care the way we do about the things we do. And people disappoint constantly. In no way am I saying it’s okay for friends to ditch you. But you can’t expect everyone to be like you. I constantly think about other people and do things for everyone. Most people aren’t like this.

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I wouldn’t of even had a possibility of 5 people showing so I’d say that’s a good turn out

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The second you start to worry about yourself is the second you become the bad guy. Let that be a lesson to who is a true friend and who’s not. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself. You might feel lonely at first, but then you’ll come to realize you and the true ones are all really need. It’s not about having the most friends, it’s about having the best friends. You’ll just find yourself unhappy trying to please the people who won’t do the same for you.

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Young one, first thing is to never “ expect” others to feel like you- you only set yourself up for disappointment. Friends come and go through life - things happen- and sometimes when we get older and at the end of the day - we just don’t have the energy mentally and/or physically. It’s all about “Adulting” ( maturing), sweetie.:v:t4::sunflower::wink:

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I learned along time ago that not everyone has the same heart as anyone else, all u can do is pray for the ones u thought were your friends and love them from a distance! I have maybe 2 friends total and I’m okay with that because in the end I won’t be let down as much!

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You have every right to be upset. Those people who said they would come and flaked are not your friends. Keep it moving💕

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I am the same did the same felt the same now won’t have parties for myself just others c

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Are you me? The same thing happened to me Saturday only it was my kids birthday. I cried a little then moved on though bc the ppl who did show up I had a blast with! I will still be there when anyone needs me bc it’s who I am. But I have to stop expecting me from other ppl :woman_shrugging:

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as we get older we realize the bad apples fall off for a reason :woman_shrugging:

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Be happy with what you have. You can feel let down, but don’t let it defeat you. I have never properly celebrated my birthday except once at 19 with 3 friends. I don’t bother to celebrate any holidays, easier than being let down every time.

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I feel this. I struggle with my birthday every year. I turned 40 this year and only had about 4 friends show up (or of 200 invited). I was a little disappointed by those that didn’t make it but overall I was okay. Show up for yourself! Next year take yourself on a weekend trip to someplace you’ve never been and have the time of your life without all those people who don’t show up for you. Celebrate yourself! Buy your favorite dinner and dessert and celebrate yourself​:heartpulse::heartpulse: it’s what I do.

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Why would you throw your own party . Maybe if your partner had called people said it was a surprise party for you they would come .

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everybody have their own lifes and responsibilities when they older you taking it to deeply, remember never expect staff from people then u will never be disappointed ! its sad but that’s the best way not to get hurt

People suck you cant depend on anyone You have to depend on yourself for self happiness

I am sorry this happened

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That could be just this year, you have plenty of days to celebrate, too. Do it again but cheaper at home around a kiddie pool for shits and giggles, bet ya have a blast

Those people aren’t your friends. Those are the type of people who want you when they need you and then don’t give you an afterthought once they get what they need/want. Your best bet is to cut them out of your life. It’ll go a long way for your peace and happiness. You prefer presence over presents, time to prefer quality over quantity. Focus your energy on the ones that are actually there when you need them. THOSE are your friends.

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Don’t think of it as a sh*t birthday, think of it as a blessing. Now you know who your real friends are.

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Your friends might not be 9 anymore and might have things to do, like my friends. I wouldn’t even expect my friends to make time to attend my funeral. lol Be thankful if they at least made an effort to say happy birthday over facebook (after being reminded).

I have the same problem

People have their own things I get it. But it also sucks when they don’t show up but you try to always show up. I would honestly not put in as much effort with them if they won’t do it for you.

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Make yourself less available to those that don’t do the same for you. It’s really all you can do at this point.

Sounds like you need to be better friends with the people who showed up :woman_shrugging: the other ones don’t sound like friends

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Time to be more selective as to who you call a friend and stop being available for those that are not there for you

I totally get where you are coming from, except for my 21st no one showed up and I even had one person texting me saying they were on their way just lost but then stopped and never showed, I spent the night completely alone and have never had another bday for myself and I’m going to be 33 years old this year. You learn who your friends truly are.

You are always wrong if you think because of all the effort you put in for them they owe you their presence. If you do anything with the hope or expectation that you will get their effort in return you will always be disappointed. Sorry your birthday turned out that way. Show up less for others that show up less for you.

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The best advice I have for you is…Stop expecting the YOU out of other people. You’ll be let down every time. I have to remind myself this, often.

Happy Birthday beautiful soul!!

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That happened to me recently and I saw it as a sign that these people will not ride with me into the next level of my life!

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Learn how to say “NO”.

It is very hard when you think you have a friend and it turns out that you didn’t mean as much to them as they did to you. I feel your pain. Life is hurtful sometimes. Stick with the ones who show their friendship and not just talk about it.

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Nope. I only have like 2 friends and one is now my boyfriend. People are so flaky, fake and just wish washy these days!

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Stop doing for others and stop with the woe is me. You’re an adult and people leas busy lives. I’d personally avoid someone like you because I don’t need all that in my life.

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Acknowledge those who acknowledge you.

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That’s an awful thing to happen to you

They are selfish, Better to know.

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Not really your friends. Just acquaintances

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I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This happened to me when I was younger and I was so sad. I experienced something similar recently (like you, I go out of my way to show up for friends, but my friends always have an excuse when we have an event that’s important) so I’ve decided that I’m no longer making the extra effort to go to their things if they aren’t going to do the same for me. I will go if it’s convenient, but if it’s not then I will not go. Like someone said above, acknowledge those who acknowledge you.

Story of my life except I don’t have enough ppl I’d even ask simply cuz ik it’d b either an automatic or no response at qll.

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Turn the ones who showed up your friends instead of acquaintances… :woman_shrugging:t5:

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Not everyone is a healer. Do you know why your friend didn’t show?

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Story of my sad ass existence

Matching peoples energy will bring you a peace you didn’t realize you needed.

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This is why I don’t plan events or try to have friends I ain’t about to deal with all of that

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That is hurtful but do for others never expecting anything in return. You will avoid disappointment that way

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