How do y’all address/deal with family who refuse to acknowledge what they say bothers you? With my son I gained 50 pounds and I had trouble losing it even though I breastfed. I had barely gotten back down to 150 before I got pregnant again and I’ve been trying to eat a lot better because my blood pressure and prevent a lot of weight gain. Well when I was visiting family earlier before shopping for gender reveal items my grandma came up to me and straight up said “you’re getting fat.” I understand that may have been something said during the time when she was pregnant but I personally don’t like it and don’t want my weight or weight gain mentioned. Well now she’s invalidating my feelings and basically saying she doesn’t care. While I am being respectful about it, I am still very upset that she’s acting like it’s my fault. She’s invited to my gender reveal tomorrow and while I don’t want to tell her she’s uninvited but I really don’t want to deal with anyone who won’t respect my feelings. I’m at a complete lose for what to do about the situation. I love her but it’s like I’m wrong for having feelings and expressing them.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My grandma made a comment about my weight: What do I do?
You immediately say " excuse me but your comment is extremeley disrespectful and hurtful" and then excuse yourself…dont be embarrassed to cry or sound mad. People need to be called out when they cross the line
I reply with “I appreciate your concern but it is a touchy subject for myself and I know what I need to work on for myself and myself only but I do thank you for your concern although for future reference I don’t feel anyone’s input about my weight needs to be addressed” (that’s with family I like).
(My father’s side of the family are very mean hurtful individuals and used to make comments just to spite me so I got rude as heck with them)
Well, you maybe getting fat creating a baby, which is a blessing and miracle… you can eventually lose the weight… maybe tell her she’s fat and then see how she enjoys it… but I’m bitchy that way
I would immediately respond with “my weight is not of your concern and your comments are extremely rude”. Then turn and walk away.
Just reply “so have you, you definitely gained a lot of weight, you almost look pregnant”
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WTF I would be furious
Say yes Grandma “I’m pregnant” that’s supposed to happen
Honestly when it came to grandparents, I’d smile and change the subject… You’re not going to change them now they’re from another time… So try to just bless and release.
“And you’ re already there” would have been my response. You choose who can be around. If she can’t simply respect you and your feelings then you deserve to be around people who will. They’ll figure it out when you stop inviting them to family functions. Despite what others say you can chose your family, blood doesn’t mean your obligated to have a relationship with them if they aren’t respectful.
I don’t mean to laugh but the last time I talked to my grandma she asked how much I weighed & I told her around 200lbs. She asked what I planned on doing about that… I told her I was considering amputation!
“That tends to happen when you’re growing an entire human being inside of you.” That’s what I would’ve said.
I’ve received many hateful comments, also. It does hurt feelings. Try not to let it get to you too much, though. All that matters is you and baby are healthy.
Old and set in their ways! Sensitivity doesn’t seem to be their strong suit IMO, ignore her comments!
talk to her she might understand and respec t ur wishes
Unfortunately these days family and friends don’t be respectful, if this carrys on even after you mention it upsets you then you need to stop/remove from family time or functions you don’t need that negative in your life nor do you deserve it xx
Put your foot down and tell her she has hurt your feelings, tell her she is rude and until she realises how rude and disrespectful her words are, she is not invited to the reveal ! You can hold your tongue and be polite but sometimes something has to be said and people have to be told. But saying that, how is her mind? She’s calling you fat , does she remember you’re pregnant?? Yes people put weight on when pregnant and that’s to be expected to a degree as you’re creating a whole new human
I would tell her straight up it’s rude and you don’t like it and if she persists she will be cut from your life. (No baby shower, no visits, nothing) you can’t change her BUT you can change the amount of contact you have with her.
“When you say that, you make me feel …” or " …you have totally hurt my feelings and crushed my self esteem".
Any comeback besides an apology is disrespectful… then you can ask her politely to leave.
Especially in their generation, sorry to say, but they are ignorant. I would respond with ‘what are you trying to accomplish in telling me that? Does it make you feel better to talk down to me in this way while I grow your great grand baby? Do you like making me feel insecure?’ Bet she shuts up real quick.
That being said, try to stop focusing on the scale, & instead focus on how you feel & keep focusing on your own health, the scale is just a number, nothing more.
Oh Lord love them, not sure why when people get old they just have zero filters, even with loved ones. Some older folks just get mean, like real personality changes, I think it has to do with brain chemistry levels etc and in a way that isn’t her fault. But there is a limit to what is appropriate. You can address it but it may cause a rift and you need to decide if a rude comment from your old grandma that was likely not intended to come off as sounding so mean is worth causing drama. She may be in beg stages of dementia. You can decide to be gentle and mention you felt the comment was hurtful but maybe forgiving. I’m not agreeing in any way what she said was ok but she is old and you may not have her on this earth much longer. Do you really want to cause a possibly big rift cause she said something rude? I know my grandma has said some incredibly hurtful things to our family but she has dementia and we just brush them off. It isn’t her fault, heck she thinks my cousin’s lil 5 yr old boy is my 44 yr old sis half the time. He has long curly hair, like my sis did as a kid. It is heart wrenching. She doesn’t know who my aunt is many days, her care giver. It is ok to feel hurt and frustrated and address it but don’t burn bridges until you understand why she said it.
Say, ah yes, but I can
lose the weight, you however, will always be rude!
Grandma or not, stand your ground! That’s the only way her generation learns anything
That 2nd baby knows exactly where to go:roll_eyes: I was 170 after I delivered my 1st & 215 by the time I was ready to deliver my daughter. I was so upset my whole pregnancy over my weight dr tried to put me on diet even tho I was throwing up from dusk til dawn. I definitely know your pain & how sensitive a subject it is. Idc how old you are, it doesn’t give you an excuse to be disrespectful. They act like respect & manners wasn’t a thing in their generation but we are supposed to respect them to the fullest.
Talking like that being her generation is no excuse to hurt someone they love. Is she usually brutally honest or does she tip toe around words? Tell her that is what happens when pregnant. You are eating for 2. It takes 5 lbs of blood to grow a baby. That’s not counting the water for him to swim in. Then you have the baby himself. Plus the extra weight from eating for 2. Don’t tell her not to come. Even though she disrespected you to do her the same will Garner more family turmoil and tears. Let it go. When you see her turn and walk the other way. Don’t speak to her. That alone will get your point across. If your Mom asks why …tell her. But don’t blow it up to include everyone. You alone don’t need the stress that will come with it. Nor does she. It could cause her a heart attack at her age. I would hate for you to have that on your conscience and heart till you die. You both deserve better. Just let it go and let it die. If you told GM how you feel then you e done enough. God bless your new addition and pray about it as well. You deserve Peace. Old women will always mention their opinions about what they choose without care of others.
It seems every grandma does it! My husbands mom calls him fat all the time and he weighs about 200 just ignore her and change the subject old and stubborn in her ways, don’t let your grandma bother you plus obviously your man likes how you look if you got pregnant again lol I know self image is hard (I’m a small figured girl wishing I had a little more to me but no matter how much I eat I don’t gain a lot) you got this momma
My grandmother is the same way. With my last baby when I was a couple months pregnant I hadn’t told her yet because I had lost a baby before so I was just keeping it quiet and not telling everyone she just looked at me and said “looks like you’ve gained some weight” I said “I’m literally pregnant but thanks” she was like omg I’m so happy for you blah blah blah and then said she hopes the weight comes off after the baby was born. I don’t talk to her at all anymore. She’s been calling me fat my whole life and it doesn’t make sense to keep visiting someone who says “oh you look like you gained some weight” as soon as I walk in the door.
You’re pregnant, not fat. People are so dumb. After you have the baby and your weight leaves she will eat her words
Family can just be rude!! I’m mentally scarred at 49 years old from my family shaming my weight. It’s not that people don’t realise it’s hurtful because it just is. Tell her exactly where it hurts and that you won’t stand for it anymore!!
If she says it again say, thanks for noticing that I’m pregnant…
tell her (or anyone else) that you are growing a human and they can kiss your big fat toe
Sweetheart family or not she needs to respect how you feel, you wouldn’t disrespect her in her home so she needs to not do it in yours! Be up front but respectful and if she still refuses to accept it, then you need to follow your heart and do what is best for yourself. Sending positive vibes.
This generation is far to sensitive. She is your grandmother and it’s her job to to let you know how she’s feeling too. Possibly she’s worried about you. But in her days people just told you what they wanted to say. No special talks or classes or regards to “feelings” these are new and not in her realm. She wouldn’t understand if you served it to her on a plater. So for the sake of having a relationship with your grandmother while she is still her just disregard remarks such as these or simply state hey this hurts me when you say xyz. But to remove yourself from family or functions because of someone stating a fact seems silly. Your pregnant your gonna be fat. That’s how it works. I’d smile and move on. It’s really not that big of a deal. Your just making it one. Sorry for being so blunt. But sometimes we need to hear it.
I’d love to hear my grandmother one more time. Even if it was her telling me I had a big ol booty! I miss that old brood!! She was a pot stirring hound and never kept her mouth shut! And that’s what I miss the most.
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and go give your grandmother a hug!!
She was straight up with you, so be straight up with her. Just because she comes from an older generation don’t make it ok for her to be rude. Calling someone out for their weight is rude and she knows better.
“That’s mean Grandma- stop doing that”. Say that to her next time.
you tell her exactly how it makes you feel. are you an adult? use your words. jesus.
Remind her about the beauty of bringing a child into this world. Motherhood can strip you of a good figure, youth, energy and money. Tell her that God has blessed you with the opportunity of motherhood. Surround yourself with people who support you as a good mother. Thank God for the thrill you feel as you watch your children grow.
If she is basically saying she doesn’t care then I would say well I don’t care about what you think. And if you don’t understand that someone pregnant will gain wait then what’s the point in talking to you. Saying someone is getting fat especially when pregnant is the dumbest thing, like they have no understanding of how it all works.
Older generations dont really have a filter, but dont mean its ok to be personal/rude.
Call her out on it next time she says anything
Old people have no filter. My 90 year old grandpa has been telling me for a couple years I need to lose weight
Just tell her to mind her own business
My response would have been – I’d rather be fat than dumb.
It’s unfortunate, but some people have no couth and when they don’t sometimes you have to give them back what they dish out. It being your g-ma I would be upfront and truthful if she doesn’t get it and continues – stay clear of her and if you have no choice to be around her perhaps come up with some “truths” you can throw at her. She’s not flawless, no one is, maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine.
For those saying “in their days” that’s BS, I know plenty of older/elderly people that would never. This type of behavior has nothing to do with age and everything to do with bitter/hateful women in general.
The older generations were super humg up on weight. Like, my grandparents were like this, as well.
I don’t understand why some people think they must tell you…as if you don’t already know!
“That’s very rude” is a reasonable response
Simply tell her how you feel and she will stop
You’re an adult, use your words and tell her to keep her rude comments to herself or don’t come around. Pretty simple
Let it go it is her problem not yours and let her know that is her problem not yours and maybe she needs to go into therapy
Tell her your getting old with wrinkles saggy skin lol
omg! tell your grandmother that she is looking old and haggard! tell her she has wrinkles, omg!!! what a witch!
Uninvite her. Gone are the days of tolerating bad behavior to spare someone’s feelings and keep the peace.
Tell dear ol granny that your party only has room for those who love you and support you. Commenting on someone’s body is unacceptable. This isn’t 1950.
Tell the old bag to take a long walk off a short dock
My heavens, it is G-Ma…she has definitely earned the right to speak her mind and her feelings A sensitive generation! My mother, now gone would make comments about my weight when I was pregnant. She had 4 children and the most weight she gained was 25 lbs…Except for my one son, which I gained over 70 lbs for…my weight gain was 35 lbs and I worked off the extra weight…I wasn’t offended by her comments…I simply said not everyone can be as blessed as you and that’s all that was spoken. If you are letting her comment get to you, it’s because of how you’re feeling yourself. You even said you were fat and not where you wanted to be before you got pregnant again…which is completely normal to feel that way! I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, but not everything has to be a battle and not all words have to effect us.
Really need to grow up
And get over it.
I agree this generation is way to sensitive.
Your kids will say a lot worst to you when they get older.
So she should be invited
If she didn’t say anything.
She didn’t care about you
But she does
You arent wrong bless your . Is hard getting past being insulted
Tell her she’s gonna die soon. Is she afraid? Haha.
If she doesn’t want to acknowledge your feelings, then build up some tough love and remove them from your life.
It may seem difficult but last thing you want are toxic people around you and your kids, especially if she is going to criticizing children as well.
I did that to my own mother who alway said something about my own weight, she wasn’t spiteful about it but enough is enough.
We didn’t talk for a year, after she finally listened to what I had say and how I felt about it, she stopped.
Start with uninviting your grandma, she ask why tell her again. And let her know she no longer welcome around you and your kids until she can respect you.
I’m sure your individual therapist has some great ideas for how you can practice basic emotion management skills. Maybe if you get that under control you can move on to effective communication.
Gaining 50 pounds isnt a small accomplishment. Of course the people who have known you since before you were born will notice. No one owes you good manners. Accept people as they are and meet them where they’re at, or back up and learn how.
The older generation is still hung up on weight. Last year at the beach I was just stunned to hear someone say it’s nice things changed and overweight people can come to the beach now its not a problem…wtf I though listen thats hurtful and u don’t forget it u out Nana in her place and don’t even feel bad about it one of your cousins may be listening to that too right…you be happy that’s all that matters
Distance yourself and leave it alone. Your weight is not the weight of others and their views are not your “weight”, it’s theirs. Truly… no one can say this enough until you see it. LET THEM BE. do you. Don’t say anything. Just excuse yourself and let them talk.
If she HAS to be present at the gender reveal for wtv reason then just wait for another one of her snooty remarks and return one back at her…”oh ive been eating too much? Im too fat? Good thing im not the one that needs to fit into a casket anytime soon”
It’s time to have a talk with Granny and tell her how you feel. Those are cruel and hurtful remarks and believe me you don’t have to remind a person that they gained weight…they already know.
She’s your grandmother. I’m sure she said something because she cares about you not to make fun of you. People loose their “filter” as they get older and just say what’s on their mind
Just because you ignore the 50 pounds of fat doesn’t mean it’s not there and other won’t point it out. You can only control how you react and how you feel.
Its never wrong to have feelings they are your feelings. As mush as you may not enjoy it you need to have that talk with granny and set boundaries and if she can’t respect you or treat you better than maybe distance yourself from her… I wish you the very best with granny.
Yeesh do we have the same grandma?! Lol mine said this to a family member years ago. But I had extremely bad stretch marks after my son. My shirt had slid up one day and they showed and she looked at me and said ewwww. 🤷 I’d say if you want to uninvite her do it. Don’t need the negativity at.your gender reveal
Its your grandma… WHY exactly are you upset? Get over it, your pregnant right now duh… lol If your soo sensitive about it than start making changes, otherwise take what your grandma said and acknowledge her and let it go…
My metabolism went bye bye when I got pregnant. I was never fat before, but I gained too much weight with my first child, didn’t lose it all before getting pregnant with my second. I lost some after my second, but was never down to my pre-pregnancy weight again. My adoptive mother always felt duty bound to mention my weight. She was hyper-critical of me growing up… I could never do anything right. And it never stopped when I became an adult. As I got older I developed mental health issues due to other life experiences and eventually had a nervous breakdown. I had to go on medications that cause weight gain. And I did gain weight. A lot of weight. I avoided her for years because I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. I finally lost a lot of weight and went to see her. Her greeting was “My God you’re fat!” No it’s been a long time. No nice to see you. Just the comment about my weight. And she didn’t drop it. If I had had a brain in my head, I would have said, “Wow, my mirrors work!” And walked out. But I stayed and took it. When I finally did leave, I was in tears and I never went back. I figured if that was all I meant to her, I’d had enough. Moral of the story is, you can’t help other people’s opinions of you. But you don’t have to go to them. Let her come to your baby gender reveal, but avoid being caught alone with her. There will be other people there. Hang with people who are supportive and positive with you. If she comes to you. Keep one of the positive people with you and try to let what she says go in one ear and out the other. Letting her comments get to you will just make it harder to lose weight later.
It’s definitely a older generation thing. My grandma was the same way before she passed. She didn’t necessarily do it to be mean as much of a I love you so I’m gonna tell you, you need to lose some weight. None the less, it’s hurtful and you’re already dealing with pregnancy hormones and stuff. I flat out told her to hush or go home. My grandpa still will comment on people’s weight🙄 drives me nuts. I just comment right back on his🤷♀️ after all “they can handle it”.
Let her come to your special event and if she mentions your weight again, just be honest. Tell her that it hurts your feelings and now is not the time to be concerned about losing weight. Then tell her that you are trying to eat healthy, but baby needs calories to develop and you are doing what is best for him/her. Grandparents tend to lose their filters and sadly that can hurt important relationships.
The boomers in the comment sections did not pass the vibe
Yeah I went from being 135/ 140 after first to getting pregnant with second and going to 201 or something people made comments then three months later I was pregnant again I was 150/155 jumped up to 210 or so and in 6 months was back down to 125/130 I was breastfeeding and caring for three babies by myself so I had a lot going on but threw the entire thing people made comments with that I was fat that I was to skinny that I might have an eating disorder because I was to skinny like it never ends seriously !! I just stopped giving a crap about what people had to say about my weight wnd now it doesn’t bother me …. We are humans we fluctuate it’s normal !!! Your pregnant it’s no ones business but your doctors and yours and well baby lol
Be rude back on something she finds hurtful. When she gers upset, say “well that’s how you made me feel when you called me fat.” Maybe then she will get the picture
Girl older generations are blunt and just mean sometimes. My momma was like that. I didnt mean she disnt love us or she loves u its just the way they are. Maybe she’s concerned for ur health? Ik il still no excuse for being mean… but its how them older ones roll and unfortunately they arnt easy to apologize or change. Sorry but go on enjoy your pregnancy qnd let ur body gain what it needs for that baby… put a big smile on ur face qnd rock that baby bump.
What does your doctor say? My son is almost 3 and still breastfeeding… I’m the same weight I was a day after having him. My doctor says as soon as I wean it will go away and she not worried about it… in my case I would say just that
Try to ignore her tomorrow and if she tell you something, tell her you don’t care? Sometimes people understand only one way to communicate…
I would just simply repeat what they said back to them.
wait for their reaction and ask them how do you feel now with what I repeated
When I was pregnant with my son,my grandpa said,Crystal you was a double wide,now yous a triple wide. Lol I lost him in 2004 and would give anything to hear him call me a triple wide again.Different generation, different times,he mint too be funny,he mint no harm.I too this day look back and find it hilarious.
If she can’t respect you then she doesn’t deserve respect in return. Period. If she thinks you shouldn’t be hurt at being told you’re fat then she shouldn’t be hurt when you tell her she’s a b**ch, right? I don’t care if it is grandma or not. That’s BS.
I know how you feel, my grandma always said something about my 5 sisters and myself for so many years. It was not very nice, and my mom, my grandma’s daughter, never stuck up for us. We were at my aunt’s for brunch, and my grandma said something to my niece. My mom stood up for my niece, I said to my mom, why didn’t you ever say anything to grandma when she said that to us. My mom looked me in the eye and apologized to me. I love my grandma, I just didn’t like the way she treated my mom’s 6 daughters. Love yourself, you are who you are, and that is awesome.
Tell her "I’m pregnant ". And no you have a right to your feelings. Whose mother is it? Ask them to address her about it. I mean dang this is your second baby, you’re gonna gain weight no matter what. It’s just life. She should respect your feelings and not say anything. When she says that to you tell her “Yeah theres a baby in there they need room to grow”. Best of luck girl
Shoulda handled it in the moment… “wow grandma, don’t sugar coat it or nothing” “That wasn’t very nice” “goodness, don’t need to be rude” She’s older, her filters gone. I say leave it alone and stop being so butthurt and move on. You got a little fat. Happens to the best of us.
Y’all females on here crack me up… support her instead of telling her to lose weight and act right. Like she don’t know? Where is y’all compassion at?
Like look. Ask grandma when was her last baby and how come she ain’t list her baby weight yet? Like you have a legit reason to be big. If y’all heifers could have a baby and bounce back tiny. Good for y’all. But wow I can see the reason nobody wanna hang out with y’all catty Karen’s.
God don’t like ugly and he ain’t too fond of cute. Like these “cute comments”
Well grandma I must get it from your side of the family … I recall picture of you in your reproductive years . My MIL WAS NOTORIOUS FOR DOING OUT GIRLS LIKE THIS
forget it my GRandmother would say that too ,She did not say it to be mean.,
Many older people lose their filter as they get older. What’s mistaken for rudeness is actually the result of TIAs. Couple that with her generation having been brainwashed into believing that a woman’s worth was in her looks, and you have a perfect storm for comments that are hurtful. Enjoy your grandmother while she’s here. If what she says really bothers you try engaging your parent to help you get her to understand that calling you fat isn’t okay. It’s accurate, but not okay.
That’s what’s wrong with today. Just because she is family and old doesn’t give her a right to be hurtful to you. I got into it with my grandfather over my posts on Facebook. Did I change them NO! I deleted him off of Facebook. It’s your life and if she can’t respect you then don’t talk to her anymore. Toxic is toxic.
I mean you even said you struggling with it so it is a true statement but she could at least be more supportive and offer ways to help you loose weight and not be judgemental. This kind of stuff personally doesn’t bother me.
Absolutely valid for you to Uninvite her and that will definitely send her a loud and clear message to keep her hurtful comments to herself. She needs to be reminded with actions that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say then she shouldn’t say anything at all. Being an older generation person isn’t an excuse for being a jerk. I’m a grandma too and mom of 5. Can’t imagine I would be welcome around my kids or grandkids if I ever made such comments.
Be blunt back say that yeah I gained weight because I’m pregnant and tell her if she keeps calling you fat you don’t want her around because weight shaming leads to eating disorders
I would straight up tell her if she can’t show some basic human decency, respect, and manners towards me, then she not only would not be invited to the baby shower, she won’t be allowed to bring her toxic and abusive butt around me nor her great-grandchildren anymore until she learns how to be respectful and keep her nasty and rude comments to herself. Let her know that you already knew that you weighed more than you cared to, but it’s not ok for her to continue to tear you down just to hurt you and that it’s not helpful only hurtful. Ask her what her think she’s got the right to be such a nasty human being, and if she’s religious, ask her if she thinks her words and behavior will be excused and be given a free pass simply she’s old. You have a right to your feelings and you have a right to set boundaries with people who don’t treat you with respect. Nobody is owed a place or position in your life nor your kids lives just because they’re a blood relative nor are they allowed to treat you and talk to you any way they feel like simply because they’re an elder either. She’s out of line and she needs to apologize or she needs to deal with the consequences if she can’t respect you and your boundaries and feelings.
My grandmother said the same thing to me I wasn’t pregnant I just let it go
NOPE, Grandma doesn’t automatically get respect without giving it. She can come to the front door and get turned away, because she is body-shaming a pregnant woman! Completely unacceptable IN ANY TIME PERIOD OR CULTURE. Mean people are ugly no matter what disguise they have on, including an Old Woman pretending to be unaware of the hate she is spewing. Grandma can stay her OLD WRINKLY STINKY ASS at home.
You don’t get to dictate how other people behave, you only have control over your own actions. If someone is being rude, you can either call them out on it and refuse to let them get to you, or uninvite them. You’re not going to change grandma.
She is old, and older people tell it like it is. Move along. Remember she won’t be here for ever. I wish my mamaw was still here.
Doesn’t she have a clue, how uncaring about another’s fillings? being me and wanting to get things out in the air, I would explain we all do not have a good metabolism. And just be gentle and tell her it hurt your feelings. We have that right to discuss how we fill. Good luck with Grandma
I’ve been heavy most of my life, I asked my grandma one day, Mamaw why do I have to be the fat one, her reply was… well honey, I believe God made some bigger to hold all that love and big heart they have. My mom’s family always said something about my weight, so now I just keep my fat butt alway from them, problem solved!!
I doh see why ppl get offended when somebody calls them fat… I self love my body and size… so nobody can make me feel bad about it… you shouldn’t worry much about ur weight gain… and if u have an issue with it urself then lose it… doh let ppl words bother u… Next time she calls u fat… Just Say “Lady, I’m Pleasantly Pumped So Deal With It”
Hope I not being insensitive… the more ppl get vex when someone calls them fat is the more they will do it…
When I was having trouble nursing my daughter, my grandmother said it was probably because I was flat chested
Like saying that while I have a screaming, hungry baby at my chest was a helpful thing lmao.
Sorry thats happening. Maybe your mom or dad could talk to her? Tell her that its not nice and doesn’t make you feel good?
Well that’s not nice.