My grandmother doesn't respect my parenting rules: Advice?

So my grandmother meaning my sons great grandmother refuses to respect our rules and we don’t know what we can do to enforce it. The other day we went to my grandmothers and I told my son no pool only to turn around to her letting him get in the pool, and we’ve told her a few time she’s not allowed to kiss him on the face and she won’t stop kissing his lips we just don’t know what to do is it okay to not allow her alone with him and to always take him away from her when she breaks rules

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If they can’t respect your rules then i would tell her you won’t be visiting anymore

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If i told him no pool n he got in anyway visit would have been cut short he woulda got out of the pool got dressed n went home i wouldnt have let him stay in the pool n if she kisses him on the lips after u said no we would be leaving right then n there by u staying after this is being done you allow it to get as far as it did smh

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her hiouse her rules

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Yes your the parent you make rules she dont respect it then sorry …

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Don’t let him see her anymore until she quits. And tell her exactly why you’re taking him away

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Glad i aint your kid

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I wouldn’t visit anymore unless she agrees to respect your rules as the child’s parent. I know it’s hard, but if you don’t set clear boundaries (especially with family) you will be dismissed and disrespected time and time again

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Don’t take them over I think ur over reacting it’s a grandma job to spoil them

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I’m sorry. Because she is a great grandparent and neither of these things are harmful to your child, I think you should let her spoil him. She won’t be around forever. Hopefully he will have fond memories of how she was the only one that got away with defying you lol. My babies don’t even have grandparents, let alone great grand parents. I kind of wish I had this problem.

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Be thankful he has a great grand parents I would do anything for my grandmother to still be here my son was her world I’m glad that what little time my son had with her they were able to make memories together memories last a life time but life doesn’t cherish the time and memories you and your son have with her. I would do anything to still have my grandmother here today watching my son grow!!!

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I wish my grandma’s were still around to kiss my babies all over and break all my “rules” :sleepy:

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I would’ve gotten him out of the pool. Then I would’ve reminded him I said no pool.

It’s memories that are being created with someone who won’t be around forever. I can see that it would be frustrating but imagine how guilty you would feel if you kept him away and something happened to her. Hopefully you all can find a compromise!

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I understand that’s your child your rules but c’mon that’s what Grandma’s and aunts are for. As long as your kid is safe and she isn’t harming him in any way, just let her… Of course like I said your child your rules

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Parenting in general needs a lot of balance.
Being a parent and visiting takes even more.

Take a step back. Try to look at the situation from the outside in. Try taking a look at your “motives” for things.

Why did you not want him in the pool? Was he in danger? Was it too cold? Had he been in trouble? Was it just an inconvenience in some way?
Saying no because it’s cold or dangerous or because of an existing consequence is pretty legit. Explain that. I know we as parents dont feel like we should have to; but it doesnt hurt a damn thing to extend a little courtesy and say “I dont want him in the pool because of such and such danger”

If theres not a genuine legit reason for saying no…then consider not saying no before hand and hear grandma out when she asks. Really consider letting them have that time and those memories together. You’ll get over the inconvenience…I promise but the memories are special.

As far as kissing goes. I can understand not kissing him on the mouth…but you said face. That includes forehead and cheeks as well.
Which is similar to saying shes not supposed to give him kisses at all.
So of course she ignores you.
Try to loosen the reigns a bit. Try to find a balance.
Having a my way or no way parenting style just pisses everyone off and makes everyone miserable…including yourself.

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I would give almost anything to have my grandmother here to not listen to my rules. She isn’t harming your child, let her spoil him.

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It the grandmother that what they do spoil they grandkids

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Rules are rules

However, now that I’ve lost my grandmother, I only wish she was able to break all my rules and love these babies the way she loved me!!!

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Damn its grandma… glad im not your kid, i had an awesome grandma that still kisses me and all my kids. Spoils me and them, and i love it!!!
And i let her​:exploding_head::exploding_head::exploding_head::exploding_head:

Hun he is your child, no one else but you and the fathers opinion matter. I don’t know if your asking for the no face kissing bc of the virus but if so sit down and explain your concerns. The pool thing should also definatly be respected because of the safety issue. Sit down and have a heart to heart, she won’t be around forever though. Grandma’s all spoil their grandbabies, but something’s really need respected.

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My mum spoils my daughter rotten to the core. My step dad always gives her a treat when we arrive. Whether it be a cookie or some other form of sweets. She doesnt get them often and not much at my house. But its a gma gpa thing. She had a close relationship with them and id never want to take that from her or them. Like some have said, theyre creating memories. My daughter loves the smooches she gets from her gpa. She has the biggest smile ever and usually its on her forehead he kisses, but i can understand lips to lips (thatd bother me to be honest), but not on her forehead that doesnt bother me. She eats blackberries raspberries grapes kale apples tomatoes right off the trees/bushes at gma and gpas and when they have corn she helps husk it and eats it right there and then off the cob. These are her memories. Things she talks about for days on end. Shes only 3. My mums in her 60s, a cancer survivor and my step dad survived a bad heart attack years ago. This is their time with her, her time with them. Ill be devasted when my mum crosses over and so will she but shell always have memories and photos. Time is precious. Is it really worth the fight/arguement/keeping family apart more than we already are apart? Id rather know i did what i could vs doing what i thought was right because of a rule. Theyll be plenty of time for rules, your rules others rules school rules work rules…let the child be a child for now. Safety first for sure, but a child still needs to be a child at times. We have house rules, for our house, gma/gpa had their house rules. When in rome. But like others have said, your child, you decide whats more important. A little liniency at great gmas that create fun memories or by the book rules that stunt the precious times ahead? Good luck.

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I think this is LESS your Great Grandmother not following your rules than it is your SON not following the rules. If you told your son he couldn’t go in the pool and he did it anyway regardless of what GG allows thats still him disobeying your instructions and should he treated accordingly… the kissing thing is just inappropriate and you should tell her I’ve repeatedly told you not to do this and you continue to ignore my rules regarding kissing so you will not be permitted to be near my child in that manner. For all you people who are like shes a great grandma, they spoil kids enjoy what you have… that’ just wrong. That’s like saying its ok to make your daughter hug the uncle who gives her the creeps instead of respecting her boundaries… as a parent you have to set the boundaries for your kids until they are old enough to, if that’s your boundary it should be respected.

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Blame the child for the pool. He knew the rule and broke it. Don’t blame the great grandmother. Second, why can’t she kiss him? Are you against affection?
Cherish the moments you have with grandparents, parents ect… i am 37 just recently lost my mom and my 2 boys aged 3 and 4 miss her tons. I have no parents, grandparents and would give anything to have them back and break all my rules

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Unless you have a perverted mind what is wrong with a grandparent kissing the child??

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Rules are rules. I totally understand. Especially with the kissing in the mouth. She needs to respect you NO MATTER WHAT.

I grown up with a grandmother who spoiled my brother to no end. Giving him everything he wanted when my parents said no. It’s caused problems. He knows he can get what he wants. It caused problems with him listening to my own parents. It’s HIGHLY disrespectful to undermine YOUR RULES WITH YOUR CHILD.

Spoil your grandchild by all means, but listen to rules. Spoiling does not mean to disrespect the rules and parents. There are soooo many way to spoil and still listen to your rules. My dad spoils my girls unconditionally in sooo many ways.

My MIL was the same disrespected what I said and wouldn’t listen. She had boundaries. It’s our child not hers. Kissing in the mouth with a child that’s not your own is just inappropriate.

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Lighten up Karen. It’s the kids great grandma. If you trust her enough to leave the child there, just let her do the grandma thing. All kids deserve to be spoiled a little but the grand parents. They teach us another kind of love. Let it go and just let them enjoy each other while she is here.

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I don’t allow kissing on the lips, I do allow on top of the head. Maybe explain to her that you can be sick without knowing and pass it on to your child. Tell her you don’t think she is gross or nasty, your just worried your child is going to get sick.

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Question. Why no pool and why are people so aggravated by grandparents. Making fun and memorable memories with their grandparents and great grand parents. Years from now they will talk about how their grand parent. Let them have so much fun. Or that my mom was pissed off that I got into a pool. And then she stopped letting me visit my grand parents.

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You need to loosen up. You only have your grandmother around for so long and you should appreciate that she’s still around. Honestly this is such a stupid thing to be mad about. You shouldn’t rip your child away from her just because shes letting it be a kid. I don’t get the big deal here.

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How old is your son?

Try having a grandmother that doesn’t love or care about your kids and you will change your rules

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There will come a time that you won’t have that “option” of getting mad about the dang rules! That will be either when your grandma has alzheimers or even when she dies. So, which option would you prefer?

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I think this situation it all depends…like if mom.said no cupcakes and gma sneaks them a bite well…thata what gmas are for BUT if its a safety/health issue gma cant be overruling that kind of stuff :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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YOU ARE MAMA.
Don’t let others make you feel bad for setting boundaries. It took a lot of reminding for me to get my grandmother to stop kissing my daughter in the face. I had to remind her in the moment because she would simply forget. It’s really not a big request and as long as she is still allowed to hug and play with him, you’re not depriving her of affection.
And i think my daughter really appreciated me making sure others respect her boundaries.

And as far as other rules like the pool, stand firm! And make sure she hears you say no and give your reason.

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Be happy your grandmother is here for your children to get to know! Mines gone forever and not a day goes by I don’t wish my babies could see/meet her!! I can see kissing cheeks or head but on the lips for anyone but mom and dad, is a no go for me!

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Better s kiss and hug than the knuckle pinches my grandpa used to give me . It was only a couple of times a year , Hated at the time 40 years later remember fondly

As a mom who has lost both her parents I have learned to let grandparents make memories with my kids while they can. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. My kids know to listen when it comes to rules but we also go to grandmas to be be spoiled. My MIL isn’t doing great and when she dies my kids will have no more grandparents so I say be spoiled now. If my kids are in trouble and not allowed to do something like swimming we wouldn’t be going to a house that has a pool. Just my opinion

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I can’t even with this post :roll_eyes:

Some peoples
minds are so twisted after reading these comments get a life​:tired_face::tired_face::tired_face::tired_face:

Let his grandma love him

Im a Great Grandma. I would never disrespect my Grand childrens wishes. We teach respect to our children and we need to show respect to them.

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Don’t let grandma watch your kid… problem solved :woman_shrugging:

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Get over yourself. Your sons great grandma won’t be alive forever

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Wow how horrible your great grandmother loves your child and spoils them. Honestly how is this a thing?

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I get that grandmas should love their grandkids but there is a boundaries line that needs to be drawn. Kissing your kid in the lips is doing way too much. As grandparents they seem to either neglect or straight ignor and disrespect the fact that the child has parents and that they are not the ones with a say so. Im all for lunch with granny but everyone has a place and role in a childs life

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Your the mother and you decide you don’t need nobodies approval to do what’s best for your kid and my honest advice is no she should not. Until she grasps the whole idea that she is not the mother and does not set rules for your kid there may be a need for some distance.

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Wait till you are a great grandma, karma is a bitch. Enjoy these moments most families don’t have little old fun ppl that love them

Grandparents are nothing in the new generation!!! That’s why I don’t babysit!!!

Its his grandma but I can totally understand the kissing

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I wouldn’t take him over if she can’t respect your wishes. You shouldn’t just let people do whatever they want because they are relatives.

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How old is your son? Teach him to ask you first before doing as she says. As for the kissing, teach him to lean his head in or forehead wherever you are comfortable. Yes she’s elderly but she should still have respect. I’d hate to say stop seeing her as she won’t be around forever. Maybe it will help to teach your son before her?

Great grandma isn’t going to b around forever

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If they can’t respect your rules then they don’t deserve to be around your child. My family is kinda similar they try to tell me how to parent etc so what I do is I limit how much they even see us at all

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She is your grandma be thankfull she is still here mine never got to meet my babies

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If they can’t respect your rules then i would tell her you won’t be visiting anymore

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Um stop visits then.

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What is the big deal? You will regret it later i feel if you don’t let her love her to pieces like she wants to.

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Dont let her alone with him

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Damn grandparents can’t do shit with their grandchildren anymore these days :woman_facepalming::rofl: don’t start crying once she’s gone :woman_shrugging:

Well I kinda think its selfish of people to say don’t visit anymore, she’s your grandma your sons great grandma I respect the rules etc but she ain’t going to be around forever let her kiss her great grandchild let her have fun with him. My babies great gramdma died 5 weeks after he was born and he will never physically no who she is just be grateful hes got her…she’s doing it out of love not spite

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It’s your grandmother. You know her better than any of us do.
Will she ever cause harm to the kid?
Is breaking your rules in anyway negatively affecting or harming him?
If not let her be. She wont be around forever and the kid deserves to be a little spoiled by her that’s what granny’s do.

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I wish my grandma was still here to love on and spoil my kids like she did with me she died when my oldest was 2 he’s now 16

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I understand my Dad’s gf is the same way with the pool but I won’t keep my kids away because they won’t be here forever you are lucky your Grandma is here

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She isnt going to be around forever, pick your battles. Just the no kissing on lips tell her he has cold sore or something because of it but kisses on the back of head is ok and if you have an infant, kisses on the foot.

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This is a tough one, because it’s a great grandma. How old is she? I guess, have you ever sat down and actually had a conversation about how the rules need to be enforced? Grandmas are tough to break habit, GREAT grandmas are even worse. My gram is 90, and she sometimes just doesn’t get why we have the rules we do and why it’s important to enforce them. It takes a little more efforst.

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The time they spend together can not be repeated. I totally get the no kissing on the lips. But kissing on the cheek or forehead is totally understandable. If there’s no reason for pool time except because you said so. Those moments are between them. And can’t be replaced. Be understanding when expressing your concerns.

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Be happy he has grandparents

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I agree she wont be around forever but RULES ARE RULES.
You respect the parents rules NO MATTER WHAT. PERIOD. THATS. THE. WAY. IT. IS :clap::clap::clap::clap: have you spoken to her about it? Does she forget? I wouldnt take the child away from her. But make sure the rules are clear. And talk to your little one. Clear them up there too. My son will tell his friends or anyone what hes not aloud to do.

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This was my baby meeting his great grandmother she died 2 days later so like I said in a previous comment just be grateful… let her spoil her great grandson let her enjoy him even if she does break some of your rules…

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Her house, her rules. Stop going to her house if it bother you so much. Time will come when you’ll regret not letting your son be loved by her.

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That’s what Grandma’s are supposed to do they spoil kids and let them do what they want I wouldn’t get too upset she’s not gonna be around forever

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Let her love him before she’s gone!! :tired_face:

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The choice is up to you. You know the situation/circumstances better than anyone here. It helps me to think of things long term. Will I look back 5, 10, or 20 years from now and be happy with my choices or regret them?

Until she learns to respect to she doesn’t get to see him

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let her love that baby while she can! Grandparents, especially great grandparents leave us way too son. Once she is gone you can’t bring her back. And all this petty stuff you are fussing about won’t matter! My kids only have one living grandparent left. They are all too young to even remember the others. If give anything for them to be around to kiss my babies in the face!

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Your son’s great grandmother raised kids and they are doing fine. What’s the problem ? Grandma should be allowed to spoil kids. You seem spoiled and self centered. Why did you even take your child there ?

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Unwind yourself. Relax

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Be thankful he has a great grand parents I would do anything for my grandmother to still be here my son was her world I’m glad that what little time my son had with her they were able to make memories together memories last a life time but life doesn’t cherish the time and memories you and your son have with her. I would do anything to still have my grandmother here today watching my son grow!!!

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Stop going over there. you’re his Mother you make the rules end of story. as for kissing him on the mouth that’s a big No-No!

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If people don’t respect my parenting I don’t spend time with them. All they’re doing is pushing you away. Don’t let anyone interfere with your relationship with your child. Good luck

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I wish my grandma’s were still around to kiss my babies all over and break all my “rules” :sleepy:

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Hard stop. My cousins 3 year old son died last year from drowning in the family pool…the grandparents were told not to allow him in but did anyways…when everyone got out…they couldn’t find.the baby for nearly 30 minutes thinking he was in the house…we was at the bottom of the pool…As a mother it is still your responsibility to make sure that ANYONE around your children does as you ask if it is in the best interest of the child. Even if that means great grandma only gets supervised visits.

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The pool thing is iffy with me it’s just the reasoning why you said no depends on if I’d let that slide or not. But the kissing on the lips is a no go I don’t even kiss my own children like that I will kiss the cheeks and head. That would be a deal breaker. A sit down conversation needs to happen and it needs to be made clear that you are the parents not her spoiling and occasional grandparent stuff is fine but the kissing and such no

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Eff that! It’s called mutual respect. For some reason people believe that if you’re a certain age you can get away with any kind of behavior. Whatever relation you are to my child, you should respect that I’m their parent and by disrespecting me in front of them you are teaching them that’s it’s okay not to listen. If they see anyone disrespecting you like that they’ll think it’s okay.

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It’s horrible to see so many judgmental people on here shaming her for having these feelings and to make her feel bad like that. We’re in 2020, stop living in the past and letting the older generations get away with whatever they want. It’s time for change.

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“let her love him” aka “let her disrespect you, she’s older! It’s okay to show your kids that once you reach a certain age you can talk however you want to anyone!” LMAO.

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Also, my grandmother, my kids great-grandmother does not get to visit alone with the kids. She still smokes and has fallen asleep many times with lit cigarettes and burned her clothes hands and chair. Even when i ask her not to smoke around the kids she does and i will keep her from them if she’s willing to risk their lives. She also tries to drive with them without carseats and even. Though she has hit multiple curbs, hit 3 cars this last year for no stopping on time and has backed into 2 people at the market and no one is willing to take her license away. I do not trust her driving with my kids but if i leave them With her she always has a need to go somewhere. So because she can’t listen to my rules for the safety of my children she cannot visit alone. I dont care how selfish it seems I wont risk the lives of my children who are all under 10 for my great grandma who has had over 80 years to live.

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Honestly i was raised old school and even at the age of 32 I still obey my mother and grandmother lol. In my opinion I don’t really set rules for my sons grandmom or great grandmom. Within reason of course as long as he is safe I let them spoil him. Idk that’s just me they earned their stripes and deserve to have that bond with him.

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Inform her if she cannot follow the rules you an ur husband say then she will not be allowed to see him until she does an if you catch her going against what u say then tell her ur leaving an when she listens u will be back that Is ur child an u are responsible for that baby

I’m in the same situation. I don’t allow my grandma alone with my son. Either his father or myself supervise. She’s been told so many times but refuses to listen because she knows everything. So she has to deal with one of us standing over her interactions with our son. She’s not happy about it but she refused to respect us as parents so it is was it is.

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She is loving the kid and letting him enjoy life. And you want to use your child as a pawn when you don’t get your way ? Pretty soon she will be DEAD and he won’t be able to enjoy them kisses or fun times. Stop being ignorant and selfish. People should not have kids if they are just going to use the you can see him today but not if you do something I dont like crap. That boy ain’t in danger you’re just a miserable B

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I flipped out at my grandmother when she kissed my daughters face when she (grandmother) had a cold sore. I told her she wont be seeing her again if that’s what shes going to do. And then she decided to give my daughter coke zero. We dont give her pop at 20 mths. So I had to tell her (grandmother) again that we wont be over if she is going to do this. It stopped dead in its tracks. You will just have to tell your grandmother lole it is. I have had issues with my family and have had to make tough decisions but it’s for the mental and physical health for my daughter, husband and myself.

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What about not going to grams house?:woman_shrugging: if it’s an issue, don’t go.

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Listen momma, this is your baby. YOUR baby. No one elses baby. Enforce your rules. It doesn’t matter that she’s grandma or whatever. This is your baby. Raise your baby how you want and feel you need to and do not apologize for it or feel badly for it. This is your child.

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I’m a great grandmother myself. When they are babies I let do anything so it’s safe. Let them enjoy old people, you will be old sooner than you know and they Wii learn to love old people

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Oh no ma’am. She wouldn’t be around anymore until she can respect your rules and what you have to say. I’d also be having a long conversation with her about her inappropriate behavior

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Tell her she’s shit out of luck and can’t see her grandchild until she learns your rules.

Stop going over there.

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Yeah you are definitely lucky you still have your grandma i wish mine was still here its been 3 years and it still doesn’t get easier

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