He usually either snaps at me and rips me to shreds, leaving me feeling horrible. Then he’s nice again. Or I walk on egg shells hoping he’ll get over it. Because I can’t handle another personal attack. But this time I couldn’t handle going through that again after 3 days of tip toeing around. So I packed up the kids and went to my parents. For so long, I’ve been so unhappy. But now I’ve got a chance to change everything. I don’t know that I can! Like leaving our family home empty, or him and them not seeing each other everyday, or my kids having to start at a new school. It’s so much easier, in a daydream then in reality.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My hubby has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days - Mamas Uncut
If he is not willing to conversate with and respect you enough to resolve (whatever) issues you two may have, then why should you try? I wouldn’t stick around, the kids are being taught this is acceptable behavior in a relationship, you’re showing them this is a “loving” place when in fact, it is not. Don’t stay!!!
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He is abusive and if not for yourself stay away for the safety of your children
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Dont stay may not be physical abuse but it’s still abuse
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If your not happy and haven’t been, do you think your kids don’t see that it’s not a happy home? They probably sense it. Sometimes what makes a happy family is for your kids to have to separate happy homes
You got this day by day. You need to be happy and respect yourself enough to know that it’s not healthy for you or those children to be living in fear. Just think you’re out now it’s time to heal and get that backbone you once had.
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Prayers. You have to do whats best for you and your family. Be strong.
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If you are unhappy staying will just make it harder on the kids,they need to know what a happy healthy relationship looks like. You can do this especially if you have loved ones helping you. Hold your head high and make a better life for you and your children. 
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Make the changes that you need to to free yourself, and your children, from being stuck in a loveless marriage. It will be well worth it in the long run. Get an attorney right away to protect your rights. Take his advice on how to handle your separation, and divorce. If your husband promises to change, if you return, don’t believe him. He won’t.
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You’ve got this. I spent 12 years unhappy and living the same situation as you. I dreaded leaving worried about how I would do it alone. Here I am 2 years later and making it. It’s rough sometimes with three kids but girl do it. They kids will be happy to see you happy! It’s an adjustment for sure but you can do it!
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You’re teaching your children how marriage/relationships work…
It’s how childhood is… we watch our parents… if we see our parents unhappy all the time, abused, etc. That’s normal for us and what we accept for ourselves as normal adults.
If we demand respect we are owed… even if it means leaving… we teach them that…
Basically, we teach them our worth and theirs…
So, based on abusive behaviors you’ve stated above… you’re in a cycle… you’ve stood your ground… your husband has seen this as you diverting from norms… has to find a way to get you back to the cycle…
Until you reach a point where you’re truly ready to hear us when we say the truth… we can advise you to steer clear… but…
Ultimately it is your decision…
My kids and I got out, I diverted the cycle too many times and it escalated, badly… we almost didn’t get out… alive…
Think about it… think about what’s actually best… for you, for your kiddos…
Hugs! You have some thinking you need to do and some strength you need to gather…
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Sometimes happiness and independence starts like this. Stay strong, you know your worth! Your kids deserve a happy mom!
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You’ve already made the biggest step, don’t stop moving forward now!
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Be strong, momma! Better 1 sane parent than 2 crazies. I took my babies & went to momma’s…not easy, but safe. Praying for peace and strength for y’all.
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Just keep looking forward, don’t look back. It’s the hardest decision you’ll ever make but thing will come together and with each new step forward you will feel empowered. 
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Day dreams are by far easier but it does get easier and your kids get happier not having to be around tension and negative energy between you guys, it gets easier!!
Keep going forward! Do not go back!
Stay at mamas!!! Your kids deserve happy mama! And they can feel the tension of you having to walk on eggshells.
I’m still at my mamas 2.5 years later. 
you got this!
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Sending all the love i can hon!!
You’ve got this kids need a happy Stable mum and if you cant have that in the family home do what’s best for you your kids will thrive I did it and best thing I ever done for me and my kids xxx
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Oof. Run if you can.
Your kids deserve a happy mama. I have faith in you. Just take it one day at a time. Your kids will adjust especially when they see how much more relaxed you are
- your kids will be happier due to not being in a toxic environment
- you’ll be happier plus healthier mentally emotionally and physically due to not being in a toxic environment
- your kids will adjust way better than you realize in a new school and a new home
Do not stay with a man who treats you like crap
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I usually suggest marriage counseling first, but I’d bet he wouldn’t go and wouldn’t listen. It’s abuse for you and the kids. Don’t you think they tiptoe around him too and fear his next blow up? They’re probably stressed and fearful too! Protect them!!
If he threatens you, stalks you, or yells, record it and make a police report. It’ll help for n getting custody. I’d ask for him to have court supervised visits only.
Get financial statements from the present and going back 6 months from banks, etc. IMMEDIATELY. Take out your half of any joint accounts or investments and put the assets in an account under your name only. This keeps him from draining the money while you’re not paying attention. Are you on a house title or lease? If so ask a Realtor or property manager/leasing agent about your options if hubs defaults on payments.
Talk to a lawyer (most consults are free). Go in with questions written down when you meet with lawyers on the clock. You’ll be paying in 15-minute increments. No chit chat. Write down or record everything so you can eliminate most calls for clarification. You’ll be billed for every call once you engage the firm. See if most of the work can be done by a paralegal since their rates are lower.
Contact a woman’s center to get tons of information. Take all advice on staying safe and more. Ask them or contact the county about resources for single moms (food stamps, subsidized housing, etc.). How are your medical needs met? If you separate are you eligible for Medicaid for you and the kids? If it’s your income only, even if you’re working, you should get a big subsidy on Obamacare (Affordable Care Act.)
Do something ongoing that’s fun just for you. Take a class in person, online, or DVD, or find things on You Tube. Listen to TED talks. Join a book club, walking group, or take fun classes at a gym if it’s in the budget. Keep apart, wear a mask, wash hands and use hand sanitizer. Martial arts is good for self control, focus, and finding your inner badass as well as self-defense. Judo teaches you to use someone’s size against them if you are little.
Find something fun to occupy the kids too: kids yoga, art or dance classes, going to parks, joining a Rec Center and swimming, taking classes (ask about subsidies if cost is a factor). Most indoor pool fees are modest. Maybe a hotel pool would let you all swim for free or a little contribution. They’re usually empty, especially with COVID. Get out for walks if the weather’s above 30 degrees, or colder if you can take it. Build indoor forts and sleep in them. Throw balls to each other outside. Put on different kinds of music and dance.
Look into therapy options for you and the kids. A women’s center might have classes or sessions to help with the transition for you and the kids. Workplaces sometimes have Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs). You get three phone sessions. Take advantage now if you’re covered under your husband, your own or maybe your mom’s workplace (you might be OK as a family member if she gives permission). Mental health care should be included in any medical coverage, including Medicaid.
Stay strong. Put positive messages on mirrors and the fridge for you and the kids. Join a support group with the women’s center or other separating/divorcing wives. Listen to positive messages. Go to church or other spiritual place (may be on zoom now) and get strength from that. Talk to the ministers (may have to be a member) for spiritual counseling. Avoid religions where they tell you to not divorce or to be subservient to your husband. I love the Unitarian church if you’re not sure what you believe. Enroll the kids in (online for now) church/other activities.
See if you can be in a “bubble” with two other vaxxed families with children your kids like and with whom you can socialize. It’ll keep you all from being isolated and y’all can help each other out with meals, babysitting, game nights, and each of you having someone outside the family to talk to. My son’s best friend was a great help getting my son through divorce because his parents had split.
Don’t even THINK about dating until 2 years after your divorce. You’ll be too busy anyway.
Look into therapy options for
You’re in an abusive relationship, you’ve decided to stop being a victim, and crucially you’ve decided to stop teaching your children that this is an acceptable way to treat or be treated by a partner. Break the cycle and stay strong!
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You’re stronger than you think you are. It’s moments like these that solidify that. Your teaching your children what is & is not tolerable behavior in a marriage. If he doesn’t appreciate your presence make him appreciate your absence. Now go live your life in inner peace & tranquility and let your kids experience how wonderful that can be.
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Leave. You can’t make something work just for your kids, if you are in a relationship where u are miserable your kids will see that. A happy broken home is better than a sad together home.
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Your kids will be happier, stay positive with them, they deserve to see the positive, y’all will thrive trust me
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Whether they realize it or not your kids are suffering from the arguing if you feel better you will be a better momma to them.i was married twice collectively we have raised 5 kids fostered 2.there is life after divorce.
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Ur making excuses…be happy…cause if u aren’t right ur kids WILL suffer for it…move on u made the first step by leaving keep going…
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Your kids would rather see a happy momma and be in a good environment
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I just has to read the first two sentences to realize he’s a narcissist. You can do better
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Trauma bond is what it’s called.
Please stay strong for yourself and your kids. It will never get better with him
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Yassssss don’t go back
Happy mum happy kids
It is hard to start over. But it will be so much worth it
Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this behavior is normal and they should be treating others like that? Or how would you feel if your child was being treated like this??
These questions always help me when I think about going back. Because no I do not want them thinking it’s normal. And no I wouldn’t ever want them to “deal” with that behavior and go through that shizz either
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I’ve been through this and felt pretty much exactly this way. Once you leave him you will realize it’s the right thing.
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Sounds like you are married to a narcissistic. Do yourself a favor and leave. It will be hard but it definitely gets better
If u don’t do it u will just remain miserable. Been there done that, life is too short babe!
U just took the hardest step!!! Follow it! Get urself in ur feet! U can do this! U deserve it!
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You and your kids are better off without him, if you were unhappy and tip toeing around, imagine how your kids felt, you don’t want them growing up thinking this is normal, you took the first step by leaving, don’t go back, he will never change
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Very true but maybe your kids will succeed even more with a happier mom around…
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You can do it love,
As a kid that was raised in a home where this was normal I want to let you know I still struggle with people not answering me now. It’s a huge trigger. I’m so proud my mother finally left it. Idc about changing schools. If you’re walkingon eggshells so are your babies. Trust me just leave. Start over. Struggle and build to show them better. You got this. I’m proud of you for leaving. Please dont go back.
You are married to a narcissist, and I feel your pain. Please get out now, for your sake and the childrens’ sakes. My narcissist ex had me convinced I was insane and I even once attempted suicide because I believed his lies. He will use you up and once you become a numb shell of the person you once were he will discard you… but he will never leave you alone and will use the children against you at any opportunity. Please… gather evidence, gather your things, and get as far away as you possibly can!
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Run and keep running.
You deserve better. I left my kids’ father and ended up moving state the next year and it’s the best thing I’ve done. I have an amazing guy who’s wonderful to my babies and I everyone is happy and thriving except him who hasn’t kept a place to live or a job longer than 6 months since I left him. Had several different relationships and identity crisis
You deserve better than someone who is going to ‘punish’ you every time they disagree with you. That’s not fair or healthy.
As time passes it will get easier just sucks right now. Don’t go back you’ll be better for it later
Change is scary but you will be happier for it and so will your kids! Take the leap! It’s worth it!