I need advice my husband and I have three little boys, all four and under, and we are going through a divorce, but he refuses to move out. He doesn’t have a job. He is an alcoholic but says he’s going to treatment! I’ve been dealing with the broken promises of being sober for years, and I’m done, but he doesn’t seem to get it! I can’t flat out calmly tell him I’m done and there is no fixing us, but he is still holding out hope so he won’t move out! And with covid, the courts are so backed up, so who knows when we can get into court!! Any advice on how to make him realize that I want a divorce and I’m done with the relationship? I’ve been sleeping on the couch, and we have been trying to be very civil for the kid’s sake!!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and I are going through divorce and he will not move out: Advice?
Ask you divorce lawyer… Idk why that wouldnt have been a part of the arrangement… If your the legal resident and not him go through the eviction process chanve are he’ll get served, threatened with court, and leave
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I just went through this but not married. Send him 30 day notice certified letter. Cause it’s his residence . You may need to go to courthouse if he won’t leave , then file for divorce . Covd is over in September. I feel for you
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I don’t think he has to move if the house is in both of your names. If he abuse’s you or the children when he is drunk, you can call the law and they more then likely would put him in jail, then you could file and epo where he could not come back. But if you are going through a divorce all ready , he should have a lawyer
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Depending on the state you live in but in MI he has just as much right to the house as you do. They won’t make him leave. Do you own or rent? If renting then maybe you should leave.
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Definitely ask your lawyer states vary on these situations, even local of could probably give advice but they tend to stay away from civil but because he drinks they may be able to do something. I know through my divorce we both still had equal rights to live in the house even though he stayed somewhere, after our divorce was final on the court date I had 30 days to leave the property with my belongings that where agreed upon in the divorce but it was my choice to leave him the house.
I changed the locks and threw all his crap outside in trash bags and told him that no court, no judge and no police officer could MAKE me live with him. He just grabbed his stuff and left thankfully
If the house/lease is in both names there’s nothing you can do til you go to court. If it’s just in your name file for an eviction
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Can you take your kids for just a couple days of breathing room somewhere ? And then maybe it just gets extended a week or two while you and your partner can work out the details of a co-parent nesting home? I went through the same thing 2 years ago, best thing is to leave before it gets too bad and figure it out through calls
He doesn’t have to move, y’all are still married. Only a judge can make him leave. Hope you get a court date soon.
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Get the cops too remove him
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My only advice i would give you or anyone ,is to not listen to any advice from strangers they know nothing about your problem and could make it worse. Hope things goes well for all.
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I know that its not an easy thing to do… Especially when you have children…but try to find another place for you and your children to move to. Then put a restraining order on him at least until your divorce is final.
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Take the kids and leave…he’ll get the message.,
When he goes to the store to buy beer put new locks on
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If you are married TALK TO A DIVORCE LAWYER. Many states don’t care whose name it’s in if you’re married. Some will let you evict him. It depends on the state.
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You say you can’t flat out tell him you’re done but he holds onto hope… maybe be honest and tell him you’re all done and there is no fixing this. Tell him the complete truth and explain you want him to find another place. You can’t expect people to do what you want if you don’t at least tell them lol
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It took me getting a restraining order and in the restraining order it detailed who took over the home. But you’d have to get an eviction order sent to him by certified mail if he’s not abusive. You can’t force him to leave otherwise. My ex wasn’t even on the lease but he held a residency so I couldn’t kick him out either if he wasn’t willing to leave.
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When I got a divorce or left my last relationship…I simply packed my things and my child’s, got a rental car, and put what I could in it… and we left. When I’m done… I’ll leave everything behind, he can have it…
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If possible MOVE fuck the memories you will walk into everyday start a new! I know it is hard with kids TRUST ME but if wanna act that way take your name off any paperwork and leave the Bill’s to him. Then serve paperwork and be done. Going through 2nd divorce 4 kids involved 1 was biologically his. But hell no on staying my choice to end it my choice to move along.
Leave your self, him staying is his form of control, take the stronger leg , pack up , get ur self a place
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Was this your house before you met him???
Or did you buy together?? Rental??
These are questions that need answers before hand .
If it is just yours…your name only…when he goes out to buy booze change the locks, put bag on porch…you can even go as far as get him a room in motel for a few days .
If his name on it then maybe easier to move you…
Go chat with a lawyer…find out your rights…
Do this without his knowledge… don’t give him any money…you said he doesn’t work…if joint account get your cash out…
Open a new bank account giving him no access and stop buying his alcohol. File for divorce and a restraining order make sure you file for a temporary parenting plan.
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Civil shouldn’t come into it if he wants you back, tell the police you don’t want him there
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and I are going through divorce and he will not move out: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and I are going through divorce and he will not move out: Advice?
You can file papers and have the sheriff escort him off the premises. also a VPO to keep him away until a court can set parameters.
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Hon, if he can’t/won’t move out, then maybe you will have to be the one to do it(I know/understand that isn’t exactly fair). BUT, it may very well be your best option right now. Do you have family/friends anyone remotely close to you right now that would/could be willing/able to help you and your kids our right now?? If not any of those options what about a motel/hotel just until you figure things out??
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When I left my husband years ago he wouldn’t move out so I made him sign a paper saying I wasn’t abandoning the house and he would pay me a set amount each month until he could find some where else to stay. I moved my child and me
To a friends till he moved out. He didn’t even have the decency to let me know he moved out and rented out house to a friend. I got courts involved and bought his share of the house from him. MEN🤦🏻♀️
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If I read correctly, you said “I can’t flat out calmly tell him I’m done and there is no fixing us, he is still holding out hope.” First you need to tell him your done…no other way about it. You have to be flat out honest and say you are done and you do not want to try and fix it. Other than that, how would he know your completely done? Sleeping on couch doesn’t say your done…telling him you are is your first step, and then you maybe call and see what steps you can take legally.
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Since you are married. I know in some states if you are living somewhere else with the kids, the kids will be with you no matter what until he takes you to court and gets shared custody. So look into that and if you have anyone else that will let you stay, I say move out with your babies, you have the right to be happy and not worry
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Depending on state and how long uou have been married. Leaving the home is abandonment, and can jeopardize who ever leaves the home not getting their take of it. Speak to your lawyer, about him leaving.
Are u married to my husband . going threw this . we are not divorced. But have been seperated for a year . have new relationships and he wont move out . he lives in my house with his gf
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If he’s on the lease or paperwork you can’t kick him out. If he gets mail there and not on the lease then you have to evict him. But I’d check with state laws before trying. Just to be civil then you move out. But you could be charged with abandonment. You may just have to wait til you go to court for the divorce.
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Be careful about any advice about leaving until you speak to an atty as he could possibly get you for abandonment depending on the state you live in. There are ways through the court to have him evicted. My Daughter had to do that.
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Depends. Do you own or rent? If you own is he on the mortgage?
Send him out for the day, change the locks, and toss his shit outside.
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He doesn’t have to move out . Until the house has been awarded to you in divorce . He’s a legal tenet unless you or … mostly your landlord if your renting serve him an eviction notice.and then he has 30 days to leave
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I did that…I had to go to court to make mine move out…and then sue him for a Divorce
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You can file an eviction notice thru the courthouse have the police serve it to him and then he has some many days to get out. From the sound of it that will be faster than waiting on a court date
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You need to move out. If he’s not going anywhere, you need to.
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Cut off the money. No job, no money.
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I took my kid and left my ex husband when we separated/ got divorced. Moved into my parents house and then got an apartment for me and my son.
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Who is the houses name under
If you feel unsafe, you should look into getting an order of protection. I wish you the best
I know its hard moving with kids is there somewhere you an kids can move
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Wait til he is sober, first wakes up then gets woke up. Truth is the truth.
YOU can move out! Ummmmm what’s the problem with that?
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was married to an alcoholic. When I finally had enough I told him I wanted a divorce, made him sleep on the couch, asked him everyday if he’d found a house. Gave him a deadline to be out and packed his crap. He tried the mind games and the manipulation but by that point I was not playing anymore. Luckily we didn’t have kids together. I wish I had magic words to give you to make him go, but my heart advice is to make demands, set a timeline and stand your ground. Show him you’re truly done and that his manipulative ways (because I know the alcoholics schemes) will not work anymore. Oh and if he’s in treatment maybe he could inpatient so then he’d have a place to stay and real chance at getting sober. Prayers for you and your children. I don’t wish the family of alcoholic life on anyone.
Time to put ya big girl panties on and tell him to go!
"I WANT A DIVORCE AND YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT! I AM DONE!" 
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Get a boyfriend that knows how to fight and he will get jody out that house
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Best advice is don’t take advice from people online! Take advice from your lawyer before you get yourself into a bigger predicament
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You need to contact a lawyer and not Facebook. Some of the tips on this thread will get you charged with abandonment. You need to most likely talk to a lawyer and figure out if you have to go through the divorce first and figure out custody. And did you know if you take your kids and run it can be considered kidnapping in some states? It’s true unfortunately. You can get so screwed leaving without going through court first if he wants to be an ashle
Have him thrown out by an officer and get a restraining order
It’s his house too. Bounce if you want to bounce.
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The husband needs help and support and all you can do is bitch about what you want ? This is the worse that vows are made of .
Just tell him he gotta go…
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All you can do is file for divorce and wait for a judge to say what happens with your living situation. If you’re renting, don’t renew the lease. If you own, maybe move into a spare bedroom.
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If his name is on the house then legally he doesn’t have to leave. You need to stand up and state it will not work and that you want a divorce. I would leave and take the kids. Until you have court and a ruling you can’t make him leave. I would look up state laws. When getting divorced you need to have record of the date of separation for court and child support purposes.
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Call your attorney. Maybe he can speed things up a bit. Explain that it’s for the peace and quiet of u and children.
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Have you thought about moving out? I don’t know whose home it truly is since you’re married I’m guessing both. If that’s the case you have to wait on the divorce and split assets.
Before I give any suggestions, is he an aggressive drunk? Is there risk with confrontation? Will there be a fight with the kids in range? If they answer to any of those is yes, call the proper authorities, but you will have to tell him it’s over and there are no other options for your relationship but divorce otherwise he’ll most likely keep it up with you. Contact a lawyer as well. Get the kids a safe place should you need it.
You say he has no job. Does he have anywhere to go. Any family to help him. These are trying times. I would say as long as y’all are getting along. Let him be until that time comes. Then either you or him will have to move.
CONSULT AN ATTORNEY was the BEST advice I saw. DON’T play with bringing other folks around or even announcing what you’re gonna do. You did say he drinks (so be careful) & he doesn’t work do will you have to pay spousal support? Get legal advice BEFORE you attempt to STAND YOUR GROUND
Courts seem to be moving along here atleast you never know until you file the paperwork. We were able to file divorce and have it final though it was uncontested in about 5 weeks. Also with court in regards to modification we were give court date 5 weeks out. File you will feel much better knowing the process is atleast started
Make an area for him in the garage. But you should be in your room in your house which you pay for! STAND YOUR GROUND. Don’t let him walk all over you!
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You have to start divorce proceedings. You need to put that as reason for the divorce.(addiction and alcoholism) Your lawyer will be able to ask the judge for him to leave especially since he is an alcoholic. If the home is in both of your names, its going to be best if you start looking for another place.
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Take your bedroom back first. Put him on the couch. Have a “friend” over or go out on a date. Put ALL his stuff in storage or drop it off at his family’s house. Do not cook for him/ serve him.
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I agree, seek advice from an attorney, some states legally he doesn’t even have to be on the note, just establish residence.
I would say if it’s awful, I would move, but again…nothing will make it go better or faster.
Prayers you find the answers and peace!
Move out and quit paying.
Why cant you move out?
Go for an emergency hearing?
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Can you leave? Take all your things and go?
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If your gonna complain and post your problems on Facebook. Atleast give both stories, not one sided.
Like what started the alcohol?
Was he an alcoholic before or after y’all married?
There’s just too many questions about this.
There’s more to it than what’s being said.
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If the house isn’t in his name serve him an eviction notice. He will have 10 days or so depending on state and circumstances to move out.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and I are going through divorce and he will not move out: Advice?
You need a divorce lawyer, you also need to officially serve him divorce or legal separation papers, and a official eviction notice.
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Take him to court and get a separation agreement, then he has to move
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You should move, far far away.
He should be the one on the couch. And there wouldn’t be any alcohol in the house unless he got up and got a job himself to buy it. No gas in his car or anything. Separate bank account where your money goes for bills and the kids. You need to actually talk to this man. You’ll probably have to go through an eviction process to get him out, if your state allows it. Is it your house? Did you own it before marrying him? Do you rent? File for divorce and custody of the kids, child support if you want/need and a restraining order to try to get him out. Unless he’s abusive tho the restraining order might not be approved.
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Just straight up say " I no longer want to be married to you and there is absolutely no fixing it." There is no other way of doing it. Even have the divorce papers already prepared. You unfortunately can’t just make him move out if he’s on the lease. You can remove yourself from the lease and move out. Don’t continue to stay under the same roof with someone who doesn’t make you happy, your kids will notice and think it’s normal. It’s not normal.
why would she have to move is my question? HE doesn’t work. Three kids under the age of 4. Im baffled at some of these comments.
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You leave and don’t go back. Try contacting a divorce lawyer.
Move out yourself if possible
My sister solved this one. She got her ex a job as an apartment manager across town. Room included.
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Sorry, but I don’t agree that she should leave. She’s the one with a job and supporting her 3 children who live there with their beds, and toys, comfort. Why should she have to leave ? It’s easier for one alcoholic to grab a trash bag of his stuff to leave then for a mom with her 3 kids and ALL of their stuff to leave. If he had no where to go tell him if he’s serious about getting treatment to go into a treatment center and grow up and become a functioning parent to his 3 kids.
Take the kids to a sitter, bring a date home…
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You take the kids and leave
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Aside from all of the other logical and very sensible answers here, you could go the crazy b*%#€ way. Wait till he goes out for booze toss his shit and change the locks
Send his ass to the couch tf 
why u compromising your sleep 
Take the kids and leave
If the electricity is in your name, call the power company and have them cut the electricity off and go stay with family!
He won’t stay there long in this heat with no electricity lol
Been through this. Mine was cheating and mentally abusive. I just had to wait it out because he was on the deed to my house. I hope it gets easier for you I know its terrible!
You need to talk to a lawyer and file divorce proceedings. This might not be solved until you go to a mediation or court to work these details put legally so the sooner the better that you start things officially moving
Thats his house as well as his kids. Dont be a bitter baby mama. Hes holding onto hope be the strong one and support him. Damn you MARRIED and had KIDS with HIM. stop breaking families apart set some boundaries and go into therapy. You both need a ton of help.
I would just throw his stuff out when he is at work and change the locks
send him to the store and change the locks while he is gone, pack his stuff and leave it in the back yard
File serve him 30 day notice and proceed with filing
If you want a divorce tell him and file. Idk why people make things harder than they are
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