Hi everyone. My husband and I are having some issues. We have been living separately for a couple of months now due to some issues that we are trying to work out. We are trying to save up to get our own place (I’m with my mom), but it’s been rough. In the past he has cheated on me on several occasions, his excuse would be that we were on a break (we would get into an argument, and he would ignore me for a couple of weeks). Now I forgave all that because we have a daughter and I just want my family together. Now with this whole lockdown, we haven’t been able to see each other. And it’s had a real impact on our marriage. He doesn’t text me whatsoever unless I text him, and doesn’t call at all. It can be up to 8 hours before I hear from him, and since he’s not working, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to talk to me. I recently found out he’s been lying to me again, although not about being unfaithful, other things, so I’m struggling with being trusting and with giving him space. I feel like I’m overbearing and needy, but I just want to talk to my husband. He doesn’t care about talking to me or asking about our baby. I’ve tr,ied to talk to him on several occasions, and all he says is this is the consequence of living separately, and we need to move back in together. He also tells me that he’s sick of me “being on his ass,” and he needs room to breathe. So I tried giving him space, and I went ahead and logged into our bank account to check a few things out and have noticed he’s outgoing to get ice cream and doing other things but can’t even text me good night or good morning. I just simply want to talk to my husband and communicate. I don’t want, nor do I need to have him talk to me every second of every day, but I do want some sort of communication. Every time I do try to talk to him, he just gets annoyed and shuts down or says it’s my fault, and I’m ridiculous. I don’t know what to do anymore; I’m struggling so much that I’m hardly sleeping and this issue is all I can think about. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not sure if I’m the issue or if it’s time to consider other options. Any advice would be great.
He’s showing you very clearly that he doesn’t want to make you a priority. Move on.
I’m sorry, it sounds like it time to move on.
Read your letter Kerrie said…move on.
Have you ever seen the movie " he’s just not that into you"? He clearly doesn’t want to be with you. If a man wants to be with you, he would move mountains to be with you. You need to stop and realize that it’s over, start picking up the pieces and move on. Stop calling, stop making plans, stop texting. Trust me on this one
Move on with your life he has
He is cheating on you & making excuses you should move on & start a new chapter for your sake
This doesn’t even sound like a marriage. Taking a break? Cheating? This sounds like a high school relationship. It sounds like neither of you really know what a marriage is really about. Trust, faithfulness, communication, commitment and working through things, not separating everytime you get in a fight. Go to marriage counseling, see if you can do online Skype sessions because of the Covid virus. Maybe that will help but if both of you don’t put 100% in it, your marriage is never going to last.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Sounds like he doesn’t want to change. You sound miserable. Maybe moving on wouldn’t be so bad… n
How you gonna get a house and him not working-a man works and supports his family
You just answered your own question.
The only person you need to be talking to is a divorce attorney. Time to take out the trash.
No marriage counseling
Get a divorce!
Ur not the issue.
He still.lying and punishing u which is why hes not communicating with you…u want a loving kind hubby and he is never going to be it
Taking a break in marriage means trying to work on self and trying to date wife…not f-ing…other women!!!
You gotta move on. Yawl already live separate so might as well make it official. Where does he live that you and your daughter couldn’t move in with him? There’s definitely info missing.
Time for divorce… It’s going to be hard you’re going to feel lost, alone, depressed, stressed out, but it’ll only be for a while things will get better and one day you’ll look back and be thankful that you left, but that you did what you could to try and make it work. You’ll be fine trust me it gets better. Much luck to yoy
I think you already know what to do… don’t sound like the right situation for you or your daughter… you both deserve better
It doesn’t sound like he really wants a relationship with you. He is giving you all the answers you need but you dont seem to like the answer. Its time you move on dear
You should leave him completely… mind and body. For one, he is a serial cheater that blames you every time he falls into someone else. Two, how is it working thing out if he doesn’t communicate with you and clearly (from you describe) doesn’t want to communicate with you. Three, he manipulates you and mentally abuses you in the sense that he successfully makes you believe you are the issue (you left me, you don’t give me space, etc)
Leave this man… this is not the life you want to live. This is not the example you want to set for your child. Would you want her to be married to someone like her dad?
Let him go. He’s not interested in being a man, let alone a husband. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
We all see that he is not willing to work on the marriage. Hopefully you will see it to. Be strong for you and your daughter. You are not dependent on any man. You can survive without him. Good luck. Be safe.
Time to start thinking of yourself. Because he isn’t. You need to stop making excuses for him. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your marriage. You’re better off without him. Do nit stay with him. You deserve better. Show your child that the treatment isn’t right
Stop texting and calling him. See how long it takes him to reach out to you. Sounds like he’s not very interested in making things work and is keeping you on hold for a fall back plan. I would stop wasting my time and move on if I were you.
You never STAY for the CHILD… Said children have to witness all that goes on between parents…it hurts far more than it helps. STAY APART! Y’all can co-parent…with out being together.
“He’s cheated on me several times before but I forgave him bcus we have a daughter” 
wow. Ok tough love time. Yes this is your fault, what makes it your fault is this man has shown u time and time again that not only ARE YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE NOT A PRIORITY. He continues to show you that and yet you still stick around. Are u that desperate and needy of a woman you’ll take a crappy farce of a marriage over being single and possibly finding a man who can treat u right. Wake up honey this man has emotionally checked out and you’re still following him like needy puppy. Seriously know your worth and move on, there no saving this marriage especially on his part. Also be an example for your daughter is this how you want her to act or be treated bcus thats what she will see growing up. Seriously have some pride and dignity and kick his ass to the curb. All this needy please talk to everyday is the r,eason he avoids you, why does he need to give you any attention or put work in when you’ll always be there no matter what. F him!
He’s obviously not interested anymore. He’s putting zero effort into you and your child. You need to divorce and move on!
okay, momma. what advice would you give your daughter if she were having this issue?
that question changed everything for me because I have a daughter too and what we are tolerating, we are accepting, we are also teaching. I would not want for my daughter to be in an abusive relationship, or a toxic one- We need to love ourselves enough to move on.
Doesn’t sound to me like he wants it as much as you do. Stop chasing him, like stop texting him at all, see how long it is before you hear from him. Right now, he knows your waiting on him to make the choice, he has you right where he wants you. In other words he’s got his cake and eating it too!! Stop letting him make decisions for you. As long as you keep taking him back, he will continue to cheat!
Your next communication should be divorce papers! If a man wants to be with you, they do make the effort. Not to mention a father should be checking on his child especially during times like this. Wash your hands, literally and figuratively!!
He’s narcissistic and manipulating you, watch some YouTube videos about narcissistic abuse, I guarantee you will see your relationship in the stories. Then cut him off. For your own sanity. Trust me, it took me 22 years to learn. And if you think it will only hurt you, think again because this cycle will drive your child right into the same sort of trouble.
It sounds like you are emotionally beat down. If you start telling yourself you are amazing and he needs to prove to you hes worth it then you will move on quickly… Take thia time to better yourself. Theres tons of online schools and just enjoy your child. From someone thats been there its not you its him and you dont have high expectations you have normal ones that in a healthy relationship shouldn’t have to be asked of your partner
He’s not trying 
he’s having his cake and eating it to, I think it wouldn’t be a good idea to live together if he’s cheated on you multiple times and you don’t think he’s going to continue that… ur crazy for ur daughters sake open ur eyes momma she’s ur priority not someone who could give a crap less about both of you.
Oh sweetheart, your marriage is over. Call the game. He’s not talking to you, because he’s talking to every girl in town. I am so sorry.
Stop calling or texting him looks like he’s not interested being with you get your child
And move on
He is no longer into u dear let it go.
You’ve got yourself a loser. Lose that dead weight and love on those kids.
Divorce! They never change!
Get out of this so called marriage…because it certainly isnt one. Focus on you and your child!!
Quit putting so much effort into it …
Honestly this sounds like you would be better off without him son not waste another ounce of energy another minute if your life on this man. Let all this going on be your wake up that life is short and too short to waste on someone who won’t treat you how you deserve. Blessings to you and your daughter
He left you. You have not been told yet.
He’s checked out of the marriage, not a priority, time for an exit plan, it takes both people to make a marriage work.
No matter what the guy is not going to change he will always be a lying cheating always putting himself first and you last …and you know ,/ knew that already …you wish for the two of back together to be a family . careful what you wish for and are you prepared for the heartache
You’re not asking for anything a person who loves you wouldn’t go head over heels to give you… My husband is my BFF 
… Corona be damned… He’d be with me and his kids… Never stay for the child… To be honest I have 3 and they NEED you strong 
healthy and mentally there for them… Man be DAMNED he’s cheating again… Do what right and healthy for you and your baby without him
Run. Get far away from him, if your questioning it now it will only get worse! You and your daughter deserve better
I’m with everyone who’s said its basically over if you have the money get a divorce lawyer and get it started
He doesn’t sound like a husband in the first place. He sounds like a boy that doesn’t know what commitment is.
When someone shows you who they are…believe them. He is clearly telling you he doesn’t give a crap. Believe him. Stop chasing him and move on. You will be much happier in the long run.
I’m so sorry hon, but you know!!! Follow your intuition your intuition will never lead you wrong.you and your daughter deserve so much more. You can’t make someone stay that does not want to stay. Keep your integrity stay strong and show your daughter that you should never beg to a man to love you.
You know what must be done. Don’t torture yourself with the inevitable like i did. Things won’t get better.
DIVORCE I’m afraid!!
Any man regardless of working or not would call or text if they were interested
24hours in a day takes 20seconds tops for a short text or call!
If he cheated do you want your daughter to grow knowing men lie and cheat on women and that’s normal or that momma was no fool and that is women are strong powerful and deserve love honesty and trust
If he hasn’t called to see how his daughter is then it’s over completely. He doesn’t care about either one of you.
He isn’t working!!! Walk on
Start pulling money out. Cause its a matter of time before he does.
He done left. You just havent been told
Shut down joint financial accounts ASAP. Please stop chasing him & put that energy into your child & why you are accepting his unloving behavior. Please start researching legal matters for a divorce & possible child custody issues just so you can have an upper hand…love & light be with you 
You don’t have a marriage. Move on with your life.
Personally I’d use this time to work on yourself. You really want your daughter to learn that men can disrespect women an and just get away with it?
Children learn relationships from their parents and those closest to them.
They see and know a whole lot more then you think.
Show her the strength it takes to learn better and do better without a man, then giving such horrid behavior more and more chances. Seriously a child will be happier with split parents then living in a home wear on one partner has not respect or care for another .
Focous on building you and your daughter up and let the past go. It takes a whole lots more then love for a person to make a healthy relationship last. This is not healthy!!
Move on. He isn’t worth the fight.
Drop him like a hot potato
I think he is comnicating with you, it’s just not what you want to hear. You deserve someone who wants to talk with you, be with you not make everything your fault. Be an example to your daughter of how to be treated, you wouldn’t want her to be in a relationship like this why should you be.
Marriage does not have breaks.
This is not a marriage.
I see this as a unilateral relationship. In other words, he’s not in this relationship for the long haul. You can’t change him bc he doesn’t want to change.
Walk away! Why isn’t he working? He’s using you.
Drop him as soon as possible unless u like living this kind of a life
If someone cheats one time and they are forgiving they will continue cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know from past experience.
I think it would be best if you got a divorce, took care of your and you kid and eventually found a Leone who really loves you and appreciates you.
Why are you chasing someone showing you in every way you don’t matter to him? You’ve listed more reasons here than most need to call it quits. He sounds selfish and he’s playing games with your emotions after he lost your trust. Trust isn’t something you freely give back. If he’s not willing to earn it you’ve been givin your answer on your priority in his life. That being said I’m sorry because I’m sure it hurts and changes your world. But I guarantee if you keep playing his games your going to be in thre same situation over and over. Love yourself enough to demand better. You deserve it.
Be. Smart walk a way. He
Just useing you
Sounds like he’s gaslighting you. It’s a form of emotional abuse. You didn’t agree with him on something, caused an argument so he cheated (another form of emotional abuse), he doesn’t want to talk to you so he blames you for not living with him. No matter what it’s your fault, not his, not mutual. He’s trying to & sounds like he succeeding, make you believe your actions cause all the damage. Feeling you need to talk to him all the time is a side affect. You need his approval on everything for fear that you’re doing something wrong. You need his constant approval. My advise isn’t going to be easy. First cut him off. Give him the total silent treatment. Don’t reach out to him at all. If he contacts you talk to him shortly. Don’t give him details, don’t seek his approval. If he disapproves of something, even says that you doing this or that is causing this behavior from him don’t let it bother you. Second get into counseling. In current events I’m not sure if that’s possible or how it’s working. I’ve heard of some counselors working via FaceTime, Skype etc. You need a counselor to help you realize what he’s doing to you & help you not feel how you’re feeling. Thirdly divorce him. Give up on the idea of him being a father. That was never his intention. He may have said he wanted your daughter. But she was just a pawn to keep you around. He’ll get visitation. Insist on scheduled visits. Then keep track of all the times he skips out on her. After several missed visits, late pick ups, early or late drop offs take your records to the courts & request that his visits be changed to supervised or canceled altogether. Keep all conservations to the well being of your child. Don’t elaborate in conservation. Don’t tell him what you’re doing or anything.
Honey, he’s trying to tell you who he is. So believe him. He only want in your life when convenient. Move on without him. Don’t let him keep hurting you.
Drop him… move on… he is not worth it.
Honey is all honesty he is making you miserable. He is dragging you along and is being abusive to you. You and your daughter can and will find a better life without him. If you stay with him all you are providing yourself with is misery. I would get your own bank account and have your not deposited into that. And I would file for a divorce.
You need to take the time and build your self confidence. If you think that he’s the best you can do, you are the issue. Get rid of him and look inward and work on you
Separate your bank accounts ASAP and get rid of him
Kick him to the curb Your better off without him
Dont talk to him at all, even if it takes 2 or 3 months , ignore if he does try to contact you, act like you don’t need him in your life. After a while he will realize that you dont need him and hopefully things turn around ,if not divorce or counseling.
Been married 27 years he’s moved on and u haven’t. Use this time to find yourself and what u want and need. Take care of yourself and child, mother. This man doesn’t want this and u do. Relationships can not work if only one person is in it… He’s got someone else who is taking care of his needs…
Instead of thinking about him, think about yourself, because someone needs to. Sounds like your daughter needs you too, as well.
This sounds like my daughters dad. Actions speak louder than words - his actions are saying he’s doesn’t care about his marriage, or his relationship with you. “If he wanted to talk to you/spend time with you/make it work, he would.” My ma told me that and that’s when I realized I was wasting my time on this loser. Girl, do the same. He sounds like he is so not worth the heartache.
Why are you wasting your time? He doesn’t care.
If he has cheated he will cheat again. Move on honey. He will always have an excuse
He cant have his cake and eating too your giving him the go ahead what about your vows and the disease alone. You have enough to worry about
He clearly isn’t interested anymore. Just move in. It’s just going to cause you more pain holding on.
His behavior is speaking louder than his words which seem to be few
Other options. Let him go.
Re read what you wrote. What advice would you give to a friend with the same issues?
Obviously one of you is married and the other is not. Get past this virus thing get a lawyer and make the separation legal. Hes obviously not interested.
If you are together how would this change. The statement get off his ass would be 100 times worse. Move on take care of you and your child.
I never chase guys he knows where I am if he wants me he can come and get me if he doesn’t f*** him.
and if it seems to him like you’re being needy will perhaps if he hadn’t done the things that he had done putting you in this situation you wouldn’t be acting needy
I think you already know the answer. He is selfish and self centered. He is saying you were on a break so it wasn’t cheating… because of a fight and he ignored you a few weeks. He is doing that intentionally so he can go out and screw around. What would you tell your best friend or your daughter if they were going through this? You deserve better, and until you believe that, you will continue to settle for this treatment. This man is a dirtbag.
If he loved you and wanted to work things out he would be contacting you, if he cared about you and your child he would be showing concern about her well being as well as yours. You forgave him for cheating if he loved you he would not be able to cheat, since you forgave him once you will do it again and again. He does not take you serious and knows you are gullible enough to accept his lies and games. He is being mentally abusive, but you are accepting his bull crap so it will continue and get worse because you chose to put up with being treated like garbage.
Girl he doesnt respect you he doesn’t want you. Leave him.
He’s showing you EVERYTHING he’s not man enough to tell you.
My comments are not intended to be hurtful but you have to be honest with yourself if you read this same post but written by someone else what would you think. Your husband isn’t interested in you. During troubling times the true nature of an individual is shown.
This sounds like an immature high school relationship. Not a marriage. Very unhealthy. I’d get counseling or get out. Dont stay in a toxic marriage for your child.
This is a train wreck 
Sounds like he has checked out of the marriage . Sorry to say , but cut your loses and move on .
Only contact him regarding your child and nothing more .
I would go on with my life, raise your daughter focus on her and you let the dead weight go.once a cheater always a cheater because he doesn’t respect you.
I’m sorry but, you need to move and get divorce. He is not even trying and honestly it’s not fair you and your baby to wait for him to step up as a husband and as a dad. focus on your baby and live your life it’s not easy but it’s the best… good luck!
Sounds totally sketchy! No effort cheating…what good will come of it? It sounds like he doesn’t care about y’all’s marriage