My husband and I do not have the spark anymore

Hi anonymous post please …. So I’ve been with my childrens dad around 5 years this year, we have two boys age 3 and 2, and I just want some advice / opinions if and when it’s time to walk away. When our first was born he was pretty lazy I did all night Feeds and pretty much everything unless I asked him to help but even then he often wouldn’t help that much, along with me doing the cooking and cleaning, he does go to work full time though. For years I didn’t even really get a lay in at weekends but I kind of just got on with it but I think slowly I just started resenting him. Anyway I basically went to leave him then but found out I was pregnant with my 2nd so we decided to sort things out. Fast forward to now he has tried to change in ways to help me out more but it just doesn’t feel enough… I’m knackered with 2 kids and feel like he does the bare minimum to look like he’s helped a bit like washing up after dinner and sometimes dressing one of them after their bath but everything is a hassle for him…? He moans so much and I have to ask so many times for him to help sometimes I just do it myself. He goes out most weekends and is hungover and Lays in most of the morning, I sometimes now get a lay in but it seems it’s when it suits him kind of thing. I don’t feel appreciated and neither does he I expect because I don’t wanna go near him anymore he irritates me so much sometimes without probably doing anything wrong. We haven’t slept together in around a year and I have no desire to at all, I don’t know if Im the problem and I have something wrong with me or if that spark would ever come back but it’s like living with a house mate I don’t like that much. so I know it all sourends bad but I would also miss him because we are so comfortable together and he’s the first man I’ve met I actually trust and is loyal , and obviously my boys would probably miss him and if we split I’ll have to find somewhere else to live which means moving in with my mum in a tiny house whilst I do so. I also worry my anxiety will get bad if we split I hate the thought of big change like that. I could go on and on but I’ll leave it as that… thanks x


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband and I do not have the spark anymore

It’s time to try therapy. It sounds like you could benefit from individual and couples counseling. If that doesn’t help the marriage then it’s time to walk away.
Sometimes counseling can give us tools to come together in ways that we were missing before. You’d be valid to leave now of course, but if you want your marriage to work I’d try counseling first.


This sounds perfect for some therapy. It’s helped my partner and I a lot. He just didn’t realize what he ( and myself) was/wasn’t doing that bothered me and therapy has helped us get to the bottom of it and resolve old issues as well.


Honey… the longer y’all stay together, the more you will resent him and it will eventually turn into hate. Call it quits so at least a co parenting relationship can be salvaged out of the situation. My thing is… if I’m doing it alone, might as well be alone. It’s not a bad thing to call it quits and move on, it’s bad to stay in something that can’t be saved. Good luck. :heart:


It sounds like Postpartum to me. You should do counseling for yourself and as a couple. He may have no idea what you are going through and you need help.


If you don’t like change girlie, nothing good will come out of this…yes change is difficult, but always know …life is what you make it…good luck…

If you have to ask on FB…:woman_shrugging:t2:


12 years, 3 kids, and I feel the same way. It’s frustrating when he says “I’ve been helping” because like you said, it seems like a hassle for him, I have to ask, and it’s the bare minimum. I can’t afford to change my situation, so I’m just resentful and depressed. I did start therapy, but it hasn’t helped much so far.


Okay, two suggestions: first, see a counselor to see if there any way to salvage your relationship. Presumably you loved this man enough to have two children with him, and the kids deserve to have two parents who love them. It may be beneficial if a 3rd party hears both sides of this and can help you work things out together. Your description of what life would be like at least in the short term without your husband sounds very disruptive for the kids.
Second, it’s also entirely possible that you have post partum depression and this is how it’s manifesting itself. You had two kids in less than 3 years. That can wreck your hormonal balance. The only way to know for sure is to get checked out by your doctor.


I don’t see how your anxiety isn’t sky high now?
You need therapy. Mostly for you. That’s said, if he won’t go, nothing will change but you need to go for you.
Your are ok with staying and teaching your kids this is how a relationship works? Really? You want them to act like him?
You already know and you’re making excuses to stay. It may not be easy but you can move on. If all you care about is loyalty, them stay. If you and the kids deserve more, it’s time to go. It’s ok to want a partner. It’s ok to want to be happy.

My husband and I are in the exact place. We started Christian marriage counseling a few weeks ago, and I have had some realizations of things on my part, and I suspect he has as well, because we are slowly getting closer again. I highly recommend it. Being with your children’s father is worth fighting for. Please don’t give up.


Therapy sounds like it would be beneficial. Also if you leave him your plate wouldn’t get any easier. You would really be doing it on your own. I left because it became violent. But I also did everything for my child. It’s exhausting and stressful. I don’t have any help either. I had to figure it all out on my own. If he agrees to go to therapy together you may both benefit from getting another opinion hearing things from both of you


It’s time to just leave. Sounds like he wants you to take over the role of being his mom. I have the same issue in our home.

You’re not the problem. Just to be clear, there isn’t anything wrong with you. It is NORMAL to not be attracted to/want to have sex with someone you have grown to resent due to extended shitty behavior.

He needs to wake TF up and make some major changes - including going to therapy (couples and individual). You need to be very clear about your expectations and what you need from him in order to attempt to revive your relationship, and he needs to put in the effort.

If he WON’T do that, then you have a tough decision to make. Continue to live with someone who doesn’t show that he cares for you, doesn’t try to be an active parent or partner, drinks constantly while you parent, makes you unhappy and resentful, etc. Or… Leave him, start fresh for yourself, and hold the hope inside that someday you will meet someone who actually loves and respects you and will be a true partner in life. :heart:

Try  counseling, give it 100% and if that doesn’t work walk away. Life is to short, you both may be happier elsewhere. I been with my baby’s father 6.5 years and I still am crazy about him. I have my days but I still just want him and only am crazy for him. I do most night wake ups since baby was born but he does SOO much for the baby in everything else . Have a talk with him, see if he will be willing to put in the effort to make it

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Well all I have to say is I was married for 28 years we’ve been divorced for 30 something and I kind of felt like she does he worked he was a good provider we had a nice home I worked but I took care of three kids because he was on the road a lot and I asked him to go to therapy and his response was there’s nothing wrong with me and now 30 something years later he’s got a new wife that he got 11 days after our divorce sounds funkier doesn’t it

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Just like that you are going to give up. Did you ever love him??? Make sure before you close this door. The grass is not always greener

So much of that sounds familiar. But please walk away, there’s no changing things now. It’ll only get worse.

I agree with the therapy even if it just for you, seeing how your doing virtually everything for the household and nothing for yourself. With that said YOU TIME and Time for you and hubby without the children.

I would go to therapy together & apart. If he won’t do that, leave.

I wouldn’t stay with anyone who doesn’t help around the house they live in. I don’t care if they work full time. A woman works full time & is still expected to take care of kids & clean a house. A man can definitely help his wife out with house work even if he’s worked all day.

Why do I feel you are lazy…you never loved that man to begin with

Firstly he had no respect for you and the kids. He’s still going out partying on the weekends. He isn’t loyal I suspect add well

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Therapy. My husband n I have been together 10 years n married 8. Over there the course of our marriage we both hurt each knowingly n unknowingly. We became very Distant even though still married n living together after my mom passed. I too felt taken for granted unappreciated and overwhelmed. I too was tired of having to beg for help or attention. I pulled back. We didn’t have sex for 2 years as he has a bad accident n than that added to our stress as it was literally all on my shoulders for that time as he was disabled. I prayed n continued forward daily despite my inner desire to just be done w it. Our children n grandchildren love him. So fast forward to a year ago. I finally reached my breaking point n told him either we get counseling for our issues or we divorce. I was tired of being unhappy n unappreciated n overwhelmed . He was shocked that I felt like that. Clueless. :joy: so we went to counseling n just last month we celebrated our 10 year anniversary n things have gotten better. Ask yourself if you can honestly see yourself happy without him n than u know what to do. Best of wishes

You say you trust and find him loyal… try counseling first before walking away. Trust and loyalty is hard to find in any relationship now and days.

Small children is a small season out of an entire life…they get SO SO SO SO MUCH EASIER around 4 and 5 y.o…if you hold any love for him at all and he is loyal, provides and atleast tries then try and wait it out. So much can change and it’s not just your life that is being impacted here so realllllyyy try and see it thru if at all possible. Your lack of spark can also be due to post partum. Maybe try and get your hormones lined back up? Lots of water, vitamins like L tyrosine and other brain boosters help more than anything a dr will prescribe and that comes from someone who used to be weary of all that!


Disengaged men are going to cheat.
He doesn’t help because he doesn’t want too.
He has a entitled behavior and because he works all week doesn’t mean you don’t.
Number 1. You would get a break if you were separated.
Number 2. The women or girls he is messing around with won’t be there for him and it’ll be less fun to mess around if he is actually single.
Men get off on the thrill!
Number 3. Atleast by separating you would force him to learn how hard it’s been for you.
Number 4. Your boys will hurt but are they hurting now with an unhappy mom?
Number 5. When he wakes up and comes back. You’ll hold more cards and by then you’ll know you can make it with or without him.
Number 6. Atleast you’ll get a effin break girl!



My husband moved back after his games… he was good at first then he got comfortable again and it’s painful at times… but we do get taken care of financially.

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If he isn’t changing and doing what needs done, it is time to go. Imagine the examples being set for your kids right now. This is how they will think men are to treat women…Is that the example you want for them? Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to do and become better, kids may miss him but will adjust, also kids sense tension and rather have happy parents than miserable ones and it sounds like staying will only make you more resentful and miserable.

You guys need a GOOD church mentor

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Only you girls can make the choice quit making excuses kids are small can’t afford it just jump ship already kids adjust better then you and there’s help like welfare out there to help you live till you’re on you’re feet gives him a reason to get off his ass and find a job cause you’re kids family allowance won’t be there to help keep him on the couch just make you’re self happy and kids change to positive it’s better its just going to get worse you’ll end up hating him its a win win you get him motivated in life and you’re happier at least but still looking after kids alone its ok better focus for you and kids do it if you’re unhappy it’ll all work the way it’s suppose to Good Luck

It seems people jump into relationships before they “interview” the person for life expectations. Going thru the motions of making a family is fun. But the reality of raising teaching and caring for is a hard job…most guys want to be the “bread winner” and not the helper.
I see this over and over. Mom is wore out resents dad. Dad thinks she’s gotten cold cause he’s working and tired… marriage is hard work throw kids in the mix and bam more issues. Try counseling. Give dad a set of chores he is responsible for daily as are you…least he will respect your hard work… switch off weekends for rest…it’s important for both of you. And plan a date night!! No kids just time for you as a couple. You have to make time to love each other.


My husband & i have been living like roomates for 8 years…he’s ok w/it & i’m not…i could move but easier said than done…hope it works out for u

The spark doesn’t just die you get comfortable with each other. Make the spark


I say counseling. Something to think about- if you leave- EVERYTHING will be on your shoulders, including a full time job. If you thought it was hard before, it’ll only get harder on that front. People can and do change, but it’s not easy. Talk to him about therapy/counseling. It sounds like you still love him, but are hurt by what is going on. He may need another party to explain how much it’s hurting you for him to fully understand.

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Sounds like you both have issues. Which can be worked through if you both actually want it.

I suggest getting your iron checked, with two births so close together it will probably be quite low. Which will affect your ability to deal with pretty much anything. Also suggest marriage counselling.

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I can see why the spark is gone. It’s not sexy at all to have to mother your spouse, like ever. And even worse while mothering your children on top of it all. I’d definitely leave. The sad truth is, you’ll actually get a break when it’s his turn to spend time with the boys.


You just lost your spark. Most people dont know how normal that is! Marriage is hard and people dont realize that going into it. It takes so much work mentally and if its not for you than hey sometimes it just does not work out! Of course divorce is scary, but with out taking the big step or doing something about it you will be in the same situation. You cant just fall in love with some one and expect to love them forever. You have to fall in love over and over again. Make dating a must on the weekends. You have to be a couple not just mom and dad. Let him know you need more help with them that you feel your doing it alone. Communication is so very important. And it sounds corny but if your spouse does not know what they are doing wrong, they dont even notice they are doing something wrong. Open up to him!


I think built-up resentments can ruin the romance part. It makes you feel terrible because you think something is wrong with you. You just need to be heard. I think it may be worth some counseling. I have grown quite a bit by watching a lot of Youtube Vid’s on whatever subject I needed help in. It costs nothing for a little good advice. If he basically is a good man that’s worth salvaging. There are a lot of duds out there. And nobody will love your kids for the most part like their true parents. But if it is over, you’ll know. And it won’t cause as much anxiety as you think because you will know you are on the right path. Take your time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.


Try changing roles
You go get full time job and let him be stay at home dad. ??? That might be a magic solution, but if not, on flip side, both should appreciate/understand each other’s chores

Resentment is in the envy family of feelings. Start there. Maybe you could be the breadwinner fur a while…. Let him do the day to day with the kids. He won’t do it like you… but he could get it done.

All I read was complain complain complain then I was gonna leave but he works full time, he changed just not enough to make me happy then more complain complain complain but not one time did you ever say I have communicated with him. Some people
Need the communication rather the assumption that they should know.


Plan yourself a child free vacation once a month for you.

Just my opinion… let him know how serious you are about the relationship.
Try to Make it work…if he doesn’t help you know, how are you going to manage two kids and having to work?

Go back to basics…
Both of you need to work together
Get kids baby sat for the night
Go on date days & nights

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I walked away from a 21+ year marriage last year, I spent A LOT of time and energy with the weight of him, his qualities, quirks and challenges (as well as my stuff) spent several years soul searching, in fact but the truth of the matter was, I cared about him but didn’t love him anymore, I had to “uncomplicate” my tangled thinking and mindset, embrace my authenticity and what was going to be best for myself (for you, your children too) it’s harder to leave when your children are older, you could have a candid conversation with a trusted adviser or someone who is an objective observer, also, get some guidance on the legalities of separation, might be that’s all you two need…some time apart but you’ll never know until you try…THE hardest thing with relationships is this…knowing when to stay vs knowing when to walk away, sending you strength, peace and healing on your journey, sister♥️ PS been on my own for 6 months now and no regrets


leave. why stay when the spark has gone? why stay when you’re basically parenting on your own? a lot of men think “i work full time so i don’t have to do any of the other stuff” it’s bollocks. he should be helping at home. just because you trust him and he’s loyal doesn’t mean you should be with him. you’re very unhappy. show your children that your happiness matters, don’t put it on the back burner.

Expectations kills relationships and your mood. The spark has settled to where you can’t feel it and some talking with each other for a few hours a week is a small get to know each other again. Wish my guy helped out with the dishes but it turns out that the funk I got into affected him too and we are trying to teach ourselves better habits, and going to the doctor to find out how to re balance my system is hard too. It’s not just iron that can effect your moods.


You need to have communication. A relationship needs communication.

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Your spark died. Try to talk it out but time to walk if you can’t handle the feelings or the amount of help you receive :heart:

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My fiancé and I went thru this.

We ended up needing a little space, and after about a month we both realized we wanted each other. Ended up falling in love all over again. It’s been 6 years since that and we’re better now than ever before!


First thing you need to do is sit down and have a good talk with him. Let him know how you are feeling.
Second thing you need to do is start dating each other again. Instead of him going out drinking with his buds all the time, get a sitter and go out together.
Third, go to couples counseling.
Fourth, make a list of everything that needs to be done daily, weekly and monthly. Sit down with him and decide whom is responsible for what. Now that person owns that task. Remember that when you ask for HELP, this sends a message that these things are your jobs and you alone are responsible for them. That is definitely not the case. Also ask him to think about how the children feel when he complains about doing things for them and with them. It must hurt their little feelings. I would be pissed about this as their mother. Remind him that when you work as a family unit, you are teaching the children about responsibility and how to treat and be treated by their future spouses.


You’re sure going to have less help if you leave. No more help with baths or laying in in the mornings. Sounds like you don’t pull your half in the relationship- maybe try working on yourself first and then he may try too. Try talking about it. Decreased sex drive after kids is normal.

My husband and I split when my son was 5 but we remained married on paper for 34 years. Neither one of us wanted the big D. I was the more stable one so I kept my son he worked always did paid his support and at certain times I would rent one of my rooms to him. Bottom line for us is once the smoke cleared we realized that we were friends before we complicated it with marriage and kids. It took a little while but we figured out how to get back to that friend zone and it was good up until his passing in 2020. If you two can sit down and be adults about how you feel and what you want you may be able to fix what is missing. If not you may be able to find a friend zone continue to cohabitate and co parent your children. Society puts these misconstrued boundaries on what “should be” or how it “should look” to others. I say EFF THAT!! There are NO RULES to what works for your family. Step outside the confines of the quoted text above and customize a life that works for both of you and your boys as well. My Mom passed away last Tuesday and in one of the last conversations we had she disclosed to me that my Father , who died when I was 7 was not only her husband and best friend, but that they had an open relationship and they Loved each other to the moon and back. I was shocked and happy at the same time because of their imagination and Love for each other I had a really good start of what a healthy relationship was.

Sounds to me like you already left. Just because you’re physically there doesn’t mean you’re there and using him to stay around just because he’s comfortable and loyal isn’t right. I’m sure you both deserve better than that.

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I think people spend too much time thinking about walking away. We need to regroup and refocus on family values and staying together I don’t communicating and respecting one another. The list goes on stop looking at what he does wrong and we’ll start looking at what he does right he can do the same for you obviously love each other you got two beautiful boys think about that before you start thinking about getting away


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I think you need a lot of marriage counseling, and he needs to understand you need a PARTNER not just a man that lives in the house.


Sounds like you both need counseling. Together and separate


l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 15684 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Sounds to me like you checked out a long time ago. If I didn’t feel appreciated or wanted I wouldn’t have the motivation to do anything either. Two sides to every story, but sounds like you both need better communication if you want it to work…sounds like you’d rather leave though and only aren’t for comfort reasons.

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As for the sex thing, it’s very common to have a “low sex drive” while in a relationship with someone that doesn’t help out. You cook for him, wash his clothes, clean up after him. You’re basically taking on a “mother” role to your husband. Why would you want to have sex with someone when you’re basically their mother? :woman_shrugging:t2: There needs to be communication going on. Tell him that he needs to start helping out more. Once he does, that sexual attraction will come back. The resentment you feel is justified, but if you don’t speak up, things will just get worse.

Sounds like you need a reconnect time. NO KIDS, PHONE , INTERNET,.

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Life it hard. It’s even harder with children! Sit down and talk to him. Express how you’re feeling. See how he feels, and what he thinks. You might be surprised by his answers. If you both want it to work, work at it together. If you don’t, figure out a solution. You’re kids are still young and don’t know the difference, but the older that they get, they’ll know. I wish you the best.

The fact that y’all haven’t had sex in about a year and can still tolerate each other in the same room says to me y’all would be ok co-parenting. You both deserve to be happy with someone that makes you happy. No sense in staying together and being miserable. It would probably benefit the kids to. Because when you are happy the kids are happy to 🤷 just something to think about

if your a sahm and he is the only one that wirks, to an extent thays how it is. you do the housework. u wake up n do the night feelings. u take care the house cook clean ect…im a sahm of 3 and i do EVERYTHING. cook take care kids. he helps me clean. i nap when the youngest naps and he watches the older 2 for me on weekends …like i said that’s just how that is…u need to go out with just him. like date nights more. get a sitter. and go on dates. reconnect with him.

it sound like ur frustrated cause u have high expectations for him doing everything that u do. but like i said if u dont work and he does then u need lower those. and stop expecting him to do everything plus work. a fulltime job. if u do work. it should b equal on both parts. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Get a job. You’re a stay at home mom those things are your job. He should not have yo work after work but if u get a job it’ll be easier to split up duties since you can earn your own income to help


In my opinion if you end your marriage you may look back in 5,10 years and regret it.

Get some marriage counseling.

Sit down with your husband and ask him if he wants a broken family? If not, he may be willing to get counseling and really try.

Trust and loyalty, the two most important qualities you look for in someone, and you said he’s the 1st one you’ve had that with. Don’t throw it all away because you’ve lost the spark or he’s too lazy. It’s overwhelming having 2 babies to take care of. You’re both exhausted. I believe you need to open that line of serious communication and / or talk to someone, not one who’d be bias


Sounds like you two need to reconnect. Have date nights, talk, spend time together. When your together so long, you just get comfortable with them and start to neglect each other especially when children are involved. First step would be to see if it’s worth fighting for.

While every thing you listed is a legitimate concern and needs to be addressed, I think you should look at igniting the spark again. When life gets hectic and you are just going through the motions things get complicated. I’ve been there, tired, lonely and really not sure if it was worth it. It is though. You’re tired and overworked. You need to get a sitter and get out of the house, or just sleep in. Then date your SO. Get to know eachother again. See if there is still something there. Let go of all the things he didn’t do and start fresh. Then if it’s still not there, and you’ve tried to work it out figure out a way to start over.

My husband and I have been together 15 years and through many seasons of life. There have been rough times and times there was no “spark” but we worked together to fix it. Now we are like teenagers or newlyweds, all spark. :sweat_smile:

If he’s willing to try to fix his faults, you should try to repair the relationship. Good ones are rare. Only you know if you’re willing to try and you won’t know if he could try unless you tell him how you feel.

If you plan it right you don’t have to move in with your mom! Find ways to make money and save now before you make your move. One thing I know for sure is just never stay anywhere you are not happy and growing and thriving. I can relate to what you’re going through in many ways! I recently saved up enough money over some time, then I found my place and moved out. We are still together, but we are not living together and it is working much better for us for now, it doesn’t mean we will never live together again but it has helped us to realize how much we do for each other and how much we appreciate each other. Maybe this could be something that could work for you too. I pray for you​:heart::pray:

I think you haven’t slept together in a yr and he’s going out on weekends, hunky he’s moving on. You need to move on and be HAPPY!! FIND SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU AND YOUR BOYS!!!

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People do get in a rut over time. I know it’s hard to get out of it. Have you tried making a list of pros and cons? He does work full time. Lots of men won’t work. He probably does care about you and the kids, but has long ago forgotten that he needs to show it by doing more than contributing a paycheck. And you have probably fallen out of the habit of being affectionate with him, and have not wanted to because he’s gotten so used to doing his own thing. It sounds like you need some time alone together. Have your mum take the kids for a few hours and go out together. Get dinner, catch a movie… just spend some time talking about where you want to be in five years. A vacation somewhere? A new home? School? Just anything. See if the spark is still there, just buried under the tedium of everyday life. Sometimes you have to re-light it. Or if the whole thing ends up just making you both mad, you’ll know that it’s time to go your separate ways and you can do so with only the regrets that the boys have to commute between the two of you. Make it as easy on them as possible. You owe it to them to do that.

I wouldn’t give up just yet. That trust and loyalty thing is kinda one of the big ones and worth fighting for


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He goes out and leaves you with the kids? Time for YOU to go out and leave him with the kids. Make Friday and/or Saturday night plans with a group of other moms. Go to a movie or spa or… anything!! Also, schedule counseling. You need it. If that fails, ask him if he would like to pay you alimony AND child support.


I would like to see his side of the story before commenting


That’s the problem you got comfortable try doing date nights one day a week try dating that spark might reignite

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l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 13437 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

Info Here >>>

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Try to get that spark back. It takes two to work on a relationship, so he has to be in it :100: too or it won’t ever work.

If you want to stay with him you BOTH have to be willing to put in the work. It won’t work if it’s one sided. Once you have kids it’s hard to maintain a healthy separate relationship from the kids. I suggest planning monthly or twice a month date nights. Get an overnight sitter and go out together. No matter how long your with someone you still need time to date each other to keep the relationship going.


My husband and I went through this on and off. Try to see if someone with take the kids for a night or a couple hours so you can have some time alone together. Sometimes you’re in such a routine you forget about your relationship. I’ve been with my husband 9 years, married 5 and have 5yr and 3yr boys. It happens with everyone

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Relationships are hard work. Especially when little ones are involved and everyone is burnt out. I think you both aren’t feeling appreciated which is resulting in you’re current situation. He probably feels like he’s never doing enough so he’s because of arguments and talks and I think you’re resentful because he gets to get out because of his job. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help but if you’re a stay at home mom. It’s unrealistic to expect him to do as much as you. I understand you’re tired but so is he. I think you should drop your babies off somewhere or get a babysitter and start dating each other again. Get to know each other again fall in love again. It’s just a rut we’ve all been there and it won’t be the only time it happens… it just depends on how bad you want your family together to get through it.

You make horrible life decisions, why stop now🤦🏼‍♂️


A year without sleeping together :flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed: he is probably sleeping with someone else . You are to comfortable in the situation and that is the worst

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Look into the 7 yr itch, and a paper called “the way we woo” biologically speaking your husband and you have “done your job” you made babies, you protected them, he protected you were “nesting” and raising infants now biologically speaking your wanting to do it all again lol

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First off. If he works full time while you are a stay at home mom…he shouldnt Have to help much. He is doing his part paying all bills and providing everything needed. Doing his job.

I have no idea where women got this new concept of they are entitled to breaks from parenting. Being a SAHM is a full time job that you should only take on with the mindset that you will be cleaning house and taking care of kids 24/7. Even showering and pooping with kids. Only time i ever asked for my husband to help with the kids as newborns was for 1 week after they were born while i was still in pain and recovering and that was just him handing them to me. I made bottles and did diapers and first bath. Did night time stuff. Only time i ever ask him to watch them now is for drs appts or holiday shopping. Be happy he does do some things to help. He watched them last week while i went Easter shopping. Was gone 3 hours and brought him and the kids food back. Marriage is a partnership. I know from experience that when work all the time,you dont feel like coming home for someone to tell you need to clean and take care of kids right when walk through the door. As for him drinking,could be bc you are putting so much pressure on him at home plus being unappreciative of him working his butt off. Maybe start alkowing him to relax snd taking food to him when he gets off work and plops down and baby him some with some affection…

As for spicing up the bedroom. You could both watch porn together,pick out adult toys and order them together,buy yourself some lingerie and special bath stuff to feel special,etc. Date night at least once every couple of months. Talk together about things befor bed to reconnect

I think it’s rare to find a man that is willing to help as much as possible. Any man I have ever known EXECPT MY DAD has been just plain lazy. Absolute bare minimum even when asked . I wish I knew how to help but I’m in same boat :frowning:

When did people start thinking that there is a time you can just walk away from marriage because things don’t go your way ? Don’t yhey think of their vows? Especially with children.if a partner isn’t beating you or drinking like a alcoholic or cheating. You need to go to counceling and get back to where you need to be. Learn to not be selfish and bend. Maybe it’s you that is changing him?.?? THIS WILL BE THE HARDEST THING YOUR KIDS GO THRU. SIt down and talk like adults make arrangements to get alone time and look at your actions not his. Its all about the other one not you. That goes for both you.


Weigh a separation carefully. Young children require a lot of work, as you know. That in itself puts a damper on things. Mom minds are always ‘busy’ with kids even when our bodies aren’t. Could he be more help? Certainly! Sounds like he’s trying but you need more help. Resentment sets in. Of course! So…

Think it through without him. Will you get more help if you leave? Will you trade more help for the children missing him and needing to adjust to change. Dynamics will change- custody/visitation. Is it worth it?

Unless he’s abusive or your relationship is toxic (very unhealthy) for you or the kids… think it through. Never stay for the children… but young ones ARE demanding and pulling you every direction. Is getting rid of dad going to change that? Nope! You mentioned how he is loyal and you would miss him. He provides. What I’m saying is picture yourself and the children in another situation and try to live and feel your day to day routine. Will you have the same problem under a different roof?

Plan some date nights. If you don’t feel the spark think of it as a night out with your friend or literally invite friends. You’re in mommy mode and you need to reconnect. I’m not getting red flag vibes from what you wrote that warrant a separation. Stop and reset!


Sounds like you need me time? friends? Part time work? All mama and wifey time. You forgetting about you :0)


You can’t change a person.

He will always be who he is.

If he does not help with the children that he creates…
He should do the world and any future children a favor and get himself fixed.

Do you think he would be physically involved with your children if you divorce?
If he doesn’t now?

He’ll have to take full care of them upon visitations.

Unless he just finds someone else…so he doesn’t have to.

Are you looking for a best friend/partner?

Do you feel like you have that?

You have to decide because it is your life.
It’s up to you.

Whatever decisions you make are not wrong.

You have to decide the quality of life that you and your children have.

I believe in you and that you know what is best. :pray:t3:

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Brother and sister relationship right!?
I felt that way at a point in my life
It is a lonely feeling

It’s waaaay past time for you to leave that lazy bum. Put your big girl panties on, and do what’s best for you and your babies

Sex isn’t the most important part of marriage. My husband of 39 years and I haven’t had sex in 3 years. He had some major health issues and when he was recovered I got sick and now I can’t. We are as close as ever without it. I would suggest maybe some counseling. And it is not uncommon for one partner to have to ask the other for help.

And y’all haven’t fucked in a year :neutral_face: what now

Maybe some counseling? You said you love him. Also. Things do get better when kids grow up. It goes by faster than you know.


You have 2 toddlers. It’s exhausting especially with very little help.
Get a babysitter to come in twice a week for a couple of hours to watch the kids while you catch up on house work or errands.
Twice a month you need to make plans for your kids on a Saturday to go to visit Grandma’s or a play date with a friends kids ( you can alternate weeks so you’re reciprocating favor) schedule at least 3-4 hours, then do something alone just for you, bookstore or a walk, a work out, lunch with a friend etc. this is also for your husband, so he still gets alone time too because he works full time.
Let your husband know that EVERY Sunday is family day and you expect him to be not hungover and spending the day with you and the kids playing with them and caring for their needs, cleaning, cooking, laundry, food shopping
, bill paying, etc
Make sure to schedule a little fun time an hour or 2,for the kids , the park or go get ice cream etc. the rest of Sundays cram in as much of the busy stuff as you can so your week is lighter. With 2 people it goes a lot faster and easier. Conquer and divide as much as possible and so you’re not in position of nagging, alternate duties. Make a list so you can check the items off together.
Make sure you call it a day by dinner time so you can get kids bathed and to bed and the adults get some down time, reading, watching tv etc
2 times a month go out to dinner or order it in to help.
Once a month go on a date night with just you and your husband ,do something fun you both enjoy or new things to make life between you different and interesting.
If you start incorporating all these things, I think you will feel better about life and your family. Schedule it and make the time and stick to it, keep the calendar on the fridge or somewhere visible.
Recognize that you have mentioned to your husband you would like more of his help and he made some changes and is still working on it.
You’re just overwhelmed, which is why it doesn’t feel like enough right now. It will get easier and you will probably feel more romantic toward each other.


Maybe try some counseling