Fan update
I also am not placing blame on her for the failed marriage. My husband is emotionally abusive and that’s why I left. I said she has caused a lot of tension but that is not the reason we are getting divorced.
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In my opinion keep her because her mother already abandoned her and she probably feels her father left her too. If you leave her it is going to make her feel unwanted just be her Mom!
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Wow poor girl real mom didn’t want her and now you the only mom she knows and how you don’t want her give her to dad At least she’ll be loved by him. I hope one day the little girl gets a mom that’ll actually love her
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I don’t understand how you can be her mother that long and not want to continue tbh 
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Ah yes, let’s blame the children for your shitty marriage
I would keep her and continue to be the only mom she knows
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We all have at least one child with behavior issues. We deal, we’re Moms. We love them unconditionally
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Sorry but she’s yours your all she’s knows since age 2 if you cut her out of your life you are heartless and a horrible person she has a mother and it’s you…
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Does she know “u dont want to raise her” think that is have ur problem with her
That poor girl
Idgaf if y’all divorce or not but u should be ashamed of ur self for walking out on her
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I don’t understand why it would be a ??? If u have raised her since she’s been 2. Wth my step dad called me his daughter. I can’t believe that this even a ??
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Sounds like you don’t want to raise her and you’re looking to us to tell you it’s ok to walk away. I’m a step parent too and if in your gut you feel like it’s time to walk away, then you should. In the end she isn’t your daughter. If her mom didn’t sign her rights over then she must still be around and involved. Since she is a part of the lives of your daughters then keep her in their life as much as possible and encourage them to love her since she is their half sister. Don’t feel obligated to take care of a child who in the end isn’t your responsibility
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You act as if you’re talking about taking a bag of trash out and leaving it!!
This is a child you have raised since she was 2. You said her biological mother wasn’t in the picture. I can only assume that she doesn’t feel loved or wanted by her father or you, and that maybe this is why she is acting out. If you are so quick to say you don’t want her…it sounds as if you never accepted her, and that she picked up on that. Now, her dad has left her there with you. Also, if you guys are separated/getting divorced, I can only assume there was tension in your home. Children pick up on this, and find a way to blame themselves for it. If you can’t love her just as you love your own children then she needs to go with her father or somewhere where she can be loved!!
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It’s like you’re talking about an animal lmao Jesus
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Okay she had ADHD and other issues that come with that territory, plus was born a drug baby and that is the biggest cause for all of this. Drug babies will have lifetime issues. They may get over being addicted however the lifelong side effects will be there forever. I feel more bad for the child then you or your husband tbh. So sad for her.
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It isn’t fair for her to have to stay where she isn’t wanted. This is horrible. Let her go with him if he wants her. How do you raise a child from 2 to how ever and not love them enough? I’m so heartbroken for her. This child has no MOTHER. No one wants her. Well I don’t know her and I do! I’ll take her. Message me if this is possible. Her and my daughter would be in bliss and I’d adopt her as my own and never treat her any differently.
She’s your child’s sister by blood. This isn’t fair to her you should have the love for her as well.
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Ok. There’s a lot to think about here. Ok. You’ve had the like from 2 yrs on. Ya. That there speak for itself.
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I’ll say first, i don’t have time to read all of these comments. But I’m a little confused. How old is the child now? And I’m assuming there are two children, from the post. As in one is younger and one is older? With more information I could give my unprofessional advice. But I feel as if there isn’t enough information to give solid advice.
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Don’t know if she’s old enough sit her down have a heart to heart talk about everything and her future.
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I think what you’ve offered is best for now. Raising a child with mental health and behavioral issues is a monumental effort and I’m sure this upheaval will only make it harder. Hopefully you can consult with her medical team for help working out a plan that works best for everyone for next year.
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U could push her over the edge thinking u don’t want her.especally if she has problems anyway.help her keep her let her know u love her if u do
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You don’t want this kid, it’s clear by the way you write about her. So, in her best interest she should go with her dad.
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Just ask the girl where she wants to live. Simple. Ask her where she would be happy ?
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She’s your daughter! You’re all she knows! No matter what you treat her like you do your own kids there should never be a seperation of her and your other 2 kids 
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If u don’t want yo raise her then don’t. U raised her out of obligation because u married her dad and now that its over u dont seem to mind giving her up. Dont pretend. Ler her live with her dad. Kids know whether they’re liked and wanted around or not. You not talking abt not wanting your bio daughters so that says it all.
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Good Lord this little girl doesn’t have a chance in hell to loved with u or her father. If I was younger I’d take her in a heart beat.
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This just makes me sad. That poor child.
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Do you guys say the same things about women who choose adoption for their children? This whole comment section is gross. #Yuck The bottom line is that she is not in the space to raise this child. Whether it be mentally or emotionally. She has a father who is present. Why can’t he be the custodial parent? Let me guess only mom’s can raise children . She never said she didn’t love her. Y’all be making mess up based on emotion. How about using LOGIC. How about being TECHNICAL. Y’all jumped straight to she didn’t want to raise her and went off. Calm down 
Y’all do know that in real life people send their kids to stay with other family members or the other parent if they are having a hard time with them right? OMG…this is so extra.
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Please, take her to her father. She deserves to be with a family who love her.
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Talk to her if she understands what is happening between you and her Dad. How old is she? I would want to know where she would like to live. With Dad or with you and your child(ren) ? Be sure to let her know she can always see her sibling(s) regardless. Bring your husband into this when she says what would work maybe best for her. I have never been a step parent so I am going by divorcing parents with bio children.
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Give her a choice who she wants to reside with. You may learn she doesn’t like you either…
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This is a hard one. I’m like you and would probably keep her till the end of the school year. Even if it added a lot more stress to my life.
I would have a talk with bio girls. See what they think. Ultimately it’s about what best for your bio kids and everyone’s ability to cope with the divorce.
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What if one of your biological children was difficult and hard to deal with? What would you do then? She’s not a puppy, you can’t just rehome her. If you’re all she’s ever known, it’s up to you to correct whatever behavioral issues she has and stay committed to her as a parent. Did you ever think that she might be struggling because her real mom isn’t in the picture? Did you ever think that you admittedly not liking her might feul her bad behavior? Get the poor child in therapy and think of ALL the children involved. She is a sister to your biological children, they probably love her. Sending her off and not seeing her will be hard for them as well. I’m curious to know everyone’s ages because my perfect, easy going, star child has grown into a hormonal little brat as she’s becoming a teenager, never would I think of giving her to her dad full time just because she’s difficult. She is biologically mine but she’s a lot to deal with too. But you know what? I love her harder and am trying to help her and correct these things. It is incredibly shitty to drop out of children’s lives just because of a break up.
You are her mom, even tho she isnt ur biological.
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You are her mama. You have known she was troubled since she became that way therefore I’m sure y’all have gotten professional help for her from the outside. Her father may not want to raise her either.If that be the case and she’s extremely bad then contact Social Services for help.
She never said she doesn’t want her, just that she doesn’t want to raise her full time. She started off saying"our oldest daughter". Obviously she loves this child.
Possibly tall could work out joint visitation with all the children. The children don’t understand the legality of being half siblings. They are siblings in their eyes and that’s all they can comprehend. Unlike all these naysayers, I applaud you for putting the children first. On the VERY FEW occasions my youngest two’s dad ever got them for visitation, he took my oldest one with them. I had absolutely no problem with that. The oldest remembered him being dad. We didn’t think it was right to leave her out. The man that I call"dad" married my mom when I was 10. They separated when I was 17. That was 27 years ago and to this day, even tho he passed 13years ago, he is, was, and always will be MY DAD. Was there anytime I needed him and was my closest friend til the day he died. My sister and I were lucky he chose to be our dad cuz our biological one was not much of a dad at all
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I helped raise my first partners daughter, I never felt she was not mine
Make a decision and stick to it whole heartedly. The child needs stability and love
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You have been in her life since 2 and all she has known, so therefore this poor little girl would call you mum so you are her mum. My middle sisters dad is my dad bio or not, and he was only around when I was 2-5 yrs old but he is the one I call dad, (my bio dad was never around either) and when the split he still treated me the same and every phone call ends with “I love you my daughter”. Maybe her issues stem from you, you have said you don’t feel she is yours and I think they may have rubbed off in how you treat her, it’s hard enough being made to feel that way from a bio parent (personal experience)
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have her and you get therapy… dad and mom obviously aren’t the best and she only takes it out on you as you’re the only one she loves and knows to be there for her.
You asked for her and now say it’s too hard? Give her to her father.
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You dont WANT to raise her despite having her since she was 2 years old?
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Ask your daughter who she wishes to live with, that would help a lot.
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Irrespective of the fact that you are not the bio mum, as you said in your post ‘you are all she knows’ and you have had a hand in raising this child from the age of 2…It is a hard situation to be in but ultimately the childrens needs are more important than anyone else, and im speaking of all children involved…
So all the people saying she should just keep her what do you suggest she do? She has no legal rights over the child the father can do as he sees fit and she can’t do a thing about it.
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You are the only mom she’s ever known. Get her counseling along with your partner. Don’t give up on her she needs help.even older kids get really hurt and confused
Help her through it she’s yours.
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This post breaks my heart. 
My legal stepmother raised me from 9 to 18 and completely abandoned me. No contact for a year. My point is you should probably ask dad to take her … sooner then later. By the sounds of it you’re own children must be enough for you to handle at the moment!
In Ontario, Canada the law says If a step-parent stood in the place of a parent or demonstrated a settled intention to treat the child as his or her family, that parent has similar rights and obligations to their step-children as a biological parents have to their children
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I would let the Dad take her, and hopefully he will allow her to visit on a transitional schedule to help her ease into the new living situation. She’s his, it is what it is. Sounds like your children may be her half siblings, so it would be good to keep that relationship healthy as possible.
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You are her mother!!! How can you give her up. That poor girl is going to have issues to think that her mother left her and now her step left her too . Unbelievable.
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This is so sad. You resent her because you blame you’re failed marriage on her. Let her dad take her
I don’t understand why there is so much hate here. Honestly. First of all, how old is this child? The mom NEVER said she didn’t love her, never said she didn’t want her but understands legally she has no rights to her. She never adopted her so she has to work something out with the Dad who may not be willing to let his daughter live with her forever. She simply asked for advice on what she should do, even went so far as to correct people and say the child had behavioral problems that caused tension but that was not the reason for the divorce. It’s obvious to me that she loves this child and wants what is best for this child, but is aware she has no rights and is hoping someone can steer her in the right direction.
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Have you tried to figure out why she’s acting out? I’m pretty sure there’s a reason for her behavior. Instead of throwing her away like last week’s trash how about trying to understand her and her feelings. You’d be surprised with what you learn in a simple conversation. If you’ve raised her all this time and she’s got issues maybe it’s the vibe she gets from you since you don’t want to raise her. Maybe she’s feeling that in the way you act around her. Kids tend to be very perceptive. Check yourself before you put all that on a child’s shoulders.
Would you be willing to share custody for the sake of the children? Her mother not being around and then you not wanting her will be horribly heartbreaking for her. I can’t imagine that she’ll ever get over it. Have you or her dad ever taken her to a child psychologist to see if there’s an underlying problem to her behavior? I am just very sensitive and concerned about children’s mental and emotional health.
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I had a foster child a girl. I got her at 15. She aged out of the system at 18 but not my life. She is still in my life at 40 and she is still my daughter and my bio daughter sister…I love her just like my bio children. Blood doesn’t mean anything. My step dad raised me and my mom and him divorced when I was 12. But I still stayed with him on weekends and seen him on holidays. He will always be my daddy.
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Sad comments , if you raised her since 2 and been in her life awhile I’m sure you love her like your own. I would at least try it with her cause 1 mom already walked out on her. I’m sure she has security problems. Least if you try then she knows that…God bless and good luck to all of y’all.
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How come you never adopted her? Especially if the mother wasn’t around… you will have to let her go with her dad. But let her know that you will always be around to talk…there really nothing you can do.
Sad situation. Don’t give up on her by no means. She is troubled for some reason & your all she has as a mother figure. You didn’t mention how old she is & will the father let her live with you. So many things to consider. Praying for all of you 
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What a terribly sad situation. I wish you could all try family therapy? Her troubles could be part or separate but hoping with therapy it could be an easier somewhat.
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Well as a step-mom of 2 kids and raising one since they were 1 1/2, I would want to see them all the time or as much as the biological father would let me. While I am not the “only” mom they know, I am part of raising them. If you truly loved this daughter as your own, this shouldn’t even be a question. She is yours and should make every attempt you can to see her. If you’re the only mom she knows, that should be more reason to make it work to see her. I’m sorry, but I can’t get over the last questions…seems quit selfish.
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If she has caused stress in the marriage due to her behavioral then she needs to go with her father so he can be liable for her actions. If she’s with you and one of YOUR other kids get hurt by her then DCS will come after you and possibly remove them from your care. You have to think of your biological kids before her.
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Subconsciously, she is testing you to see if you will leave her too. That said, she can be with her Dad and go to see you whenever she wants to. The question you ask should be: What would I do if I birthed her.
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This is my exact life . Except my husband worships his son like no other and treats the rest of the kids less than… I 1 day in the near future see us divorcing over his son because it literally Is ripping our marriage apart when addressed to my husband he says to get over myself and that I just don’t like his son… so I have no advice just know you aren’t alone
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I would try it out if not see if he will take her and the two others for the weekend…to give u a little break
It is hard and ultimately YOU have to decide but the courts might see that since you are stepmom you have no rights. All I am saying is do not be a “doormat”… sometimes the hardest thing is letting go and moving on.
i am so disappointed in the comments
‘his daughter his problem’ really
this woman is the only mom she has known
how about getting her some help
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Do what your heart tells you to do, if you can visit her if does what you like then perhaps that be good for her, I just think about if tables were flipped what would he do if it was only your child not his
Im sorry but having beeb in a similar situation you will probably have to let her go. We at least lived in tge same school district
She isn’t yours to take. The courts probably wouldn’t let you have her. It doesn’t make a difference how long you have raised her. Legally you are not her parent.
Let her go with her father that seems like the best thing for her since you say “you don’t want to raise her” .
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just awful. Raising her aince 2 and now u want to just walk away. poor kid u are the only mom and siblings she knows. Think of her and the kids not the inconvenience she might cause u
If you are divorcing dont burden yourself. If you dont love him enough to fight why would you love his child enough ?
If she has caused strain and friction is it best for your child too go through this
Have him take cuz u have no legal rights to here all is takes is for her to or him to get mad and charge you with kidnapping then u loose everything
If the daughter wants to go let her to.with him don’t stress so much worry about ur others
Maybe try to get her help or sit her down and ask her why she is so upset. Be her rock try your hardest
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he can take her if he wants how old can she stick up for herself
You’ve raised her full time since she was 2, but don’t want her anymore? Then let her go with her dad, because you don’t deserve her!
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Your step daughter is not the cause of your failing marriage. Her behaviors have put a strain on your marriage, and you and your husband decided to call it quits. ( Based on what you said).
Her behavior problems stem from something much deeper and she needs help. The whole family needs help. Maybe she is with you so that you can love her and show her that you will not abandon her as her mother did.
Pray to God and listen. He will give you the answers you need.
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If your the only mother she knows… Your her mother , you wouldn’t abandon a biological child. Stand by her and stick out the behavior issue’s. Let her know you will always be there for her.
His daughter, his problem