So me and my husband been married for 13 years. We have five children. I stay home and do most of the housework and take care of the kids. But there are days where I don’t feel like doing much, especially at that time of the month. On the days where I don’t do anything, I am called lazy. “And what do you say you do here?” He believes I should do all the housework since he works outside of the home. He hardly ever helps with our five kids. I make dinner, I help with homework and after-school sports, and I put them to bed while he plays on his phone or the Xbox. And when I do ask him to help, he calls me lazy or gets in a fight with me. I hate this. How do I get him to stop? Is it been years, and he still doing it?
94 Likes
He wouldnt have any freakin clean underwear that’s for damn sure! Everrrrr. I get he provides financially but he needs to do his due diligence being a father and a husband. Wheres your break? He gets his xbox, wheres yours?
Time for him to stop being a selfish jerk or divorce him
7 Likes
I would get rid of him 
or switch roles… maybe you should get a job and he can do everything you do and see how he likes that and how “lazy” you really are. So sorry you’re having to go thru this!
10 Likes
You are allowed a break. So he can F off.
But maybe a better routine so you aren’t so drained? Like an adult “chores” chart.
But regardless with the kids he absolutely needs to help out. He created them as well.
4 Likes
From a guys point of view: He’s a douche.
That’s all I got.
28 Likes
If it’s been years and he’s still doing it, it’s not going to stop
8 Likes
I agree with all the comments above! Good luck!
Sounds like the same boat I’m in. I don’t work and he does,so I don’t mind doing everything during the week and day after he gets off work,but would like him to at least take down the trash. Doesn’t happen though. At least he supports us and I’m allowed to be a stay at home mom though. Know some people their husbands make them work despite them wanting to stay home with the kids,so could be worse…
2 Likes
He is not going to stop trust me. It’s time for you to look into divorce asap. What he is doing is called emotional and mental abuse. Please recognize the signs before it turns to something more
13 Likes
I can understand his thinking, he is the breadwinner
11 Likes
Go somewhere and let him take care of the kids for one or two days.
8 Likes
If he thinks it’s all easy. I suggest that one of these days you leave the house for over day. Just one day and have him ask for a day off of work. So he can understand how hard it is to do everything. Trust me or will work. I have done it once. And my ex realize that being a stay at home mother isn’t easy. Go with a family member do your thing. But have him do wrist you do do all day.
3 Likes
Wow. He sounds super selfish and HE sounds like the lazy one!!! I personally would say do yours and the kids laundry don’t do his, cook meals for you and your kids not him. And tell him that you’re his WIFE not his slave! He’s a big boy not a child. He wants to dink on his phone and play on Xbox he can go ahead but will be hungry soon and out of clean clothes!
11 Likes
Don’t make him dinner wash his clothes your his wife not mother/house keeper
11 Likes
What does he do on his “days off?” Then let him know your days off.
6 Likes
He has no idea how long your day is, plus he probably has 2 days a week off, your working 14-16 hour days 7 days a week, he’s being inconsiderate, and needs to help some, like doing the meals, and prep & clean-up on his days off, or treat to a dinner out, maybe have these kids pitch in with dishes, laundry, housecleaning, etc., but you have to make demands, and train them, or not get the break that you deserve !
8 Likes
First, the children should be learning responsibility by doing chores. If they don’t, they’ll grow up like their father, who sounds like a jerk.
9 Likes
It’s his house and his kids also, he needs to help out. How come he works 8 hours or however long and then stops but you never stop. Tell him to stop being lazy and help out or when your 8 hours are up you are stopping for the rest of the day.
10 Likes
It’s hard to keep up with 5 kids I just don’t get how other can’t see that and to be mindful and grateful … maybe for a week do very little and at the end of the week say now that’s being lazy screw that and to be honest he will have to be the one that truly wants that nothing you really can do becides leaving and not putting up with it ( not saying it’s possible but maybe?) or you can work and he can be the stay at home parent
3 Likes
Whoa…years? Leave that man.
7 Likes
As a former stay at home mom turned working mom and SOLE breadwinner, I agree with him. I wish I could go back to only having to worry about the house and kids, 6 of them. That was cake compared to working all day and coming home to find very little done while I was gone for 10 hours.
10 Likes
Poor excuse for a man ! Ask him how he’s going to like paying child support and spousal support. You deserve better.
8 Likes
Do all the house work and he can deal with 5 kids. If he has any questions he can pm me
3 Likes
My sister in law handed her husband an invoice with quotes from a cleaning service, car service and child care. She said pay it or help and they never had a blow out about the house again. If it’s dirty that day and he wants to complain he better pick up or shut up.
187 Likes
Being the one bringing in the money does not absolve you of being a parent, a partner and a team mate. And it damn sure don’t give him the right to speak to you like that. Let a MFer call me lazy. He wouldn’t see a hot meal are clean clothes in a month wile I’m getting my own shit in order.
I’ll show you what lazy looks like!
Girl, my husband used to be the same way, then we switched roles. I worked and he stayed home. Now I stay home and he works and comes home and helps with the kids and whatever else I need help with. Good luck!
4 Likes
If he hasn’t changed yet, then I doubt he will.
I guess as one last Hail Mary you could find a way to force him into taking on your daily routine for a bare minimum of 2 weeks but id suggest a month. Then see if his attitude changes.
If you are in denial and refuse to leave him after all this and nothing changes then I’d suggest getting a full time job also and tell him he needs to pitch in 50/50. Idk good luck with this one
6 Likes
My advice (I’m a bitch): quit doing things for HIM. Obviously, you can’t stop helping your kids, they are your babies. 
Quit making enough dinner for him. Quit doing his laundry. Quit cleaning up after him. My husband also used to think “eh you got it easy your a SAHM” I flipped TF out on him. Left. Didnt come home nor did he know where I was (I was at my grandpas house 
) for 24 hours. He’s always been a bomb ass daddy, so I didn’t worry about that. But he had the three meals to make. He had to wake up with them. He had to change alllll the diapers (we have twins). He got to deal with the temper tantrum’s! He got to be me for 24 hours. He’s now the absolute best husband, my all time best friend (I even gossip with him), and he’s always been a fabulous daddy. When I say I need to do something, he now asks if I wanna do it alone or if I want it to be a family thing. You need a break for your mental health if nothing else. You matter too. 
My advice is always to loose your sh*t! Not always the best advice but I feel like men never listen until you reach that point.
So he works lets say 40-50 hours a week and expects you to work 24/7?
6 Likes
Sorry but if you’re doing everything 24/7 round the clock and he gets a break after work and on weekends he needs to pull his finger out and help you .
6 Likes
It’s simple, stop doing HIS laundry & don’t cook HIM anything. That’s how petty I am sis 
13 Likes
Wow for 13 years he havent figured out how hard to be a stay at home mom:roll_eyes:
On his next day off get up early and leave and have a day to yourself. Don’t come home till the kids are in bed. He’ll get a dose of your everyday struggle and maybe that’ll straighten him out. When you get home tell him from here on out that his days off are your days off and that you’re going to have “me time”. He needs to get over himself and have a dose of reality
6 Likes
There is a fine line. If he works 6, 12 hour shifts to support you like my man does. Damn straight im cleaning the entire house, cooking dinner, etc. Anything he does to help me around the house is appreciated, but I don’t expect it.
The kids however that is 50/50. He worked all day today & still came home and bathed the toddler bc hes still a father no matter what hours he works.
F him… that’s not a man, that’s a sad excuse for a boy. That would NEVER sit here.
8 Likes
If the kids are in school, that leaves a lot of you time throughout the day! The kids should have responsibilities and roles in the home as well to help the upkeep to lower your work load!
3 Likes
Being a SAHM, especially to 5 children, is a 24/7 hour job. His job he has lunch breaks. Bathroom breaks. And clocks out at the end of the day. Has days off. You do most of the work but every once in awhile need a break. There is NOTHING wrong with that. You deserve days off of your 24/7 job being a mom too! Especially because he sounds totally uninvolved in his children’s life, which sounds like a real deadbeat dad to me…To call you lazy?! I would tell him to go fuck himself. How entitled and selfish can he be, just wow. Anyone who thinks this is how it should be is living in the 50’s and likes living inside gender roles and women’s oppression. This is 2021. He needs to get with the program.
You guys need to sit down and discuss a compromise. This was a big fight between me and my ex. Maybe offer to get a part time job, he pays for the childcare and does some of the chores. That might sway him to be more involved.
How our dynamic works is I work outside the home part time. On days I work, he helps inside with kids, chores, school (i home school 2). On days I don’t work and he does then I do it all. He’s in charge of most the outdoor work, but he has to help inside if takes a day off as well. We sat down discussed and planned so that no one feels like they have the short end. But remember marriage isn’t always 50/50. There will be days when you aren’t feeling good, and he should pick up the slack. And days he is especially tired and you take on the extra work.
3 Likes
U leave. Bc u can OBVIOUSLY do it without him.
5 Likes
I just recently started staying home (8 year old, 4 year old, and 4 month old kids) and there are days I don’t do as much housework as I want because little one likes to take short cat naps a lot of the time instead of longer naps. And she comes first. We play, cuddle, breastfed, etc. What gets done gets done and my husband doesn’t care. He also puts the older two to bed at night while I get the baby down. I can’t imagine having to take care of ALL the housework and ALL of the childcare 100% of the time. That’s crazy your husband expects that. Do what you can while he is at work, but when he gets home it’s both of your responsibility. Not right that he thinks he can clock out for the day, but you never can. Calling you lazy when he plays Xbox instead of helping you get 5 kids to bed is horrible. You both deserve time to relax-after the kids are in bed. Good luck!
11 Likes
Honey you have 6 children. Not 5
15 Likes
Trade places with him for a week you work outside the home he worked inside the home
4 Likes
Lol (not laughing at you laughing at how men are been thru this) it baffles me how men can work and get a full nights sleep, a shower unbothered, a cooked meal, and days off! Us woman are just ment to be robots with zero days off and zero pay nor sleep! Only advice I would have is leave🤷♀️ that was what I did!
13 Likes
Sounds like my husband. Neither of us work I’m a disabled vet and do everything while my husband goes to school fails his classes and plays the Xbox 24/7. He thinks he shouldn’t have to do anything school is his priority all while I’m paying the bills and doing everything qnd doing g things I shouldn’t because eof my chronic pain issues.
Coming from a single mom who worked 80-100 hours a week cooked cleaned and cared for my children before alone!
1 Like
Get a job and then maybe he will appreciate you being at home.
2 Likes
It has taken you this long to know that nothing will change? Sorry, this was exactly what I was dealing with it. My exhusband thought I should do everything while he worked I got called everything under the sun when I didnt feel like cleaning. I wasnt allowed to get a job either. Oh and I did do everything 
Now he is trying to figure out how to do normal things on his own while he works 
Dont settle for less than you deserve. Kick his butt to the curb.
5 Likes
Sounds like you have a sixth child to me!
He needs a wake up call!
1 Like
What you continue to allow, will continue to happen.
5 Likes
There would be a man out there that would be happy to replace him. He sounds like a entitled little shit. Are they not his kids also??
Communicate how you are feeling with him and how what he says hurts you. If he doesn’t care about your feelings he doesn’t care about you or the relationship and then you will know where you stand.
1 Like
I’m a SAHM of 2 and my husband works. He takes out the trash, all the yard work and puts the kids to bed with me every night! My kids have chores (dishes and cleaning their own rooms) but not many. So… I’d say he is just being lazy and communication may help but if it don’t you are doing most of it by yourself anyway so leave if that’s what will make you and your family happy!
1 Like
You enabled this behavior for many years. He will NOT change if he doesn’t want to, try counseling or perhaps leave him.
4 Likes
Leave him. It’s been 13 years he will not change. You and your kids deserve better. Being a stay at home mom is exhausting!! You don’t get breaks and you don’t get paid. Those are his kids too!
4 Likes
One word D I V O R C E
6 Likes
I use to do exactly the same when I wasn’t working, I did everything while he went out and supported his family and worked very hard. I work and still do mostly everything for the home too.
1 Like
I feel like you allowed this to go on for so many years. He thinks it’s ok. Not sure how to change the behavior
1 Like
Gomez would not approve
2 Likes
Lol fucking males! We both work, me more than him and he STILL refuses to clean 
Take two nights a week “off” like he likely does. Leave the house after a certain point. Tell him he gets off work and if it’s your “job” these are your “hours”
7 Likes
You married a lazy idiot, deal with it!!
6 Likes
I’m just curious…to the ones that are saying leave him (which I do not blame for saying) but if she does leave, well then wouldn’t she still be in the same boat with no breaks? Only difference is she would have to work to support the kids
7 Likes
It’s called put your foot down and don’t allow him to talk to you like that and let him treat you like that because what you allow will continue don’t let him get away with it
Leave the relationship this is the toxic shit we are raising our boys to watch and do and our girls to think is okay and put up with !
That’s not right. That’s so disrespectful, which shouldn’t come from your husband. Sorry! I hope God gives you guidance 
pray.
1 Like
You enabled this behavior. Get a part time job and leave him at home on the weekends with the kids. Better start having the kids help you out or they will turn into him.
4 Likes
Sorry I agree with him. He has a job and your job is at home. That’s equal in my mind.
8 Likes
You know how you change it? Get a job, show him you don’t need him, and stop putting up with the disrespect. When someone knows you need them to survive they will treat you however they want with no remorse because they know you won’t leave.
5 Likes
At this point just poison him and collect the policy
5 Likes
You are a sahm. A homemaker. Your job is to tend to the kids. The cleaning. The cooking.
8 Likes
I’m really shocked when I see other women saying that’s your job. Yes maybe so but we’re not getting paid. Our time off is if and when the kids go to sleep. His time is off after he’s done with work. Stay at home mom work is never done. Does that really seem fair? Both should work as a team regardless of their job. My husband works very hard but still does dishes some nights, cooks dinner, laundry and stays home with the kids when I go have some time for myself. The fact you’re called lazy for asking for help with his kids is absolutely crossing a line. I hope after a big talk you see some changes. If not that would be my deal-breaker.
16 Likes
Does he work seven days a week and gets sick leave and takes holidays and also gets paid, you don’t, so on weekends he should help you or let you go out for a by yourself for a break
If you’re in charge of all the house stuff then you get to say when, how, and if it gets cleaned. Do you go to his job and tell him how to do it?
5 Likes
Work is easier than being at home . It’s like a getaway. He should help
2 Likes
I have two kids and some days I struggle. I can’t imagine doing it all with 5 kids!!! You are Super Mom. Get a job. Make him pay for childcare and a house cleaner.
3 Likes
Don’t have F*cking Kids !!!
3 Likes
There’s no reason he can’t pick up the slack on your off days as long as that isn’t every day. There’s also no reason he can’t help out on his days off. During the week while my husband is at work… I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of our son, and take care of the dog (not that she requires much work, but still) We alternate putting our son to bed each night and on his days off, he helps me clean the house up so I’m not stuck with an overwhelming mess to catch up on during the week. I have my off days too. Your husband should respect that you have off days as well and not expect you to be superwoman 24/7 especially if he does as little as you say he does.
While some say you have enabled him I disagree…I’m gonna get dragged for this but your husband has been conditioned along the way,likely before you even became his wife…
3 Likes
I wonder what he will believe think when you divorce him and he pays max for child support?
4 Likes
You can’t change someone who is ok with who they are. You either accept it or leave him. Personally, I would hire someone to do a lot of the housework. I’m a sahm and mine does housework and daddy duties. I find it crazy that people think it’s ok for a mom to burn herself out 24/7🤦🏾
7 Likes
My children are raised and I only pick up after me. I am nobody’s mommy. Men are adults and need to pick up after themselves. It’s called being a responsible adult.
2 Likes
It is a two way street, if he don’t see that, you a maid and acting like his mama!
My husband says to leave his a**. 
#stayathomemomhere
3 Likes
If your a sahm yes you should be doing alot of that… but he also lives there so he could help, it take 2 to make the kids, if he doesn’t want that, than girl get a job, let him do some help with the kids, if not, its time to let go, there’s only so much asking for it to be enough, you aren’t his mother, you are his wife, he should be respectful in messes he makes too.
3 Likes
Taking care of the kids is part of being a dad… He should help with them. Get a job so he can start helping out. Idk why some ppl don’t realize it’s not a two person job raising kids.
1 Like
Tell him to go live at home with mommy! You are to much of woman for him!
Being a stay at home mom of 5 is by far much harder than whatever it is he does!! Got get a part time job in the evenings and let that ‘lazy’ ass PARENT while you get away… And why dosent he WANT to help kids with home work? If he had a shread of respect for you he would keep his mouth shut about being lazy and appreciate you AT HOME so his worries are less!! Clearly he dosent mind teaching your kids how to be a horrible spouse… And they are paying attention!! Whats he paying you to do his half of raising those kids? Does he pay u to keep a clean house? What’s your vacation weeks and sick time… I got alota shit to say… But good luck dear, keep up the good work, I’m sure your babies appreciate all you do,they will eventually if they are still small!!
Leave… or deal with it, don’t ask fb. This is between you and your husband. FFS
3 Likes
it wont hurt you raised 6 and lived on a farm He never lifted a finger but my family all grew up to be great human beings from 60 yr to 70
Keep busy in the daytime, make sure he comes home to a clean house and a happy wife. If you need a sick day, tell him you took a sick day, and you’re allowed as many as he is from his employer, without his approval. After work, he should be directly home helping you work the next 4-6? hours of chores. You don’t work just a 9-hour day and neither should he! If he doesn’t like that, he can pack his bags!
4 Likes
13years together and he stil aint helping you, he aint never gon help you. Either deal with it or move on
4 Likes
Your not his mum or his maid … he’s a grown man and if he’s saying you need to look after the KIDS/House. He is not one of them
Don’t do his washing or pick up after him etc etc
And if he kicks up a stink, just say, you told me it’s my job to look after the kids and the house … you are not a child.
If he’s not okay with that, and judging off what you have said^ he won’t be… there’s the door
2 Likes
My take on this, if he works outside the home and you work in the home. If he works 40 hours a week, it’s only fair that you also work 40 hours a week. There is 168 hours in a week. You do the parenting and housework for 40 of those 168 hours, because it’s your “job” , but when you’re 40 hours is up that other 128 hours of housekeeping and parenting should be split 50/50! This is how I run my home. We both do everything when we are home. We will usually tag team dinner and cook together. One will fold laundry while the other gives baths. One will brush hair and clip toenails while the other reads bedtime stories. And when they are in bed we will both tackle any mess. We have kept the same expectations of each other when I work full time, and when I was off on maternity leave and home for a year with each of our three kids.
And we talk about this constantly. Simple conversations, eg: “kid #3 needs a bath and the laundry needs folding, which do you want to do?” or "we need some groceries and they need help with homework, you feel like going out to the store, or staying home and tackling homework? "
9 Likes
Wrong idea share everything at home you work or not staying home u are lazy no lot of work at home.
Let him live in your shoes for a few days while you go rest at a nice hotel with a spa.
2 Likes
I’m shocked and appalled. I think he needs to be made aware that their is a partnership with marriage and with sharing your life together. Everybody “Many hands make light work…”
3 Likes
Get a job I would never allow anyone else to dictate my happiness 
Honey pray and pray hard! You have to respect each other in a marriage for it to work and it sounds like he doesn’t respect you.
2 Likes
Tell him pull his head out his ass play his part💯