My husband doesn't seem to like me now that I'm showing

I am currently 19 weeks pregnant. Since I’ve started showing my husband doesn’t show me any love or affection, we started sleeping in different rooms. He said we need to spice up our marriage in the bedroom and every time I try he rejects me then later on watches porn. I’m so proud of my bump (I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have another kid after an accident and doctors told me I couldn’t.) But he makes me feel fat and disgusting. What can I do? Please help

36 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't seem to like me now that I'm showing

Idk what you can do, but in my personal experience that is not normal. My baby daddy of my first two loved when I was showing, and got way into me throughout my pregnancies. My boyfriend, and father of my third, was obsessed with my changing body. And still is obsessed with my body to this day (daughter is 2.5). I’m almost in disbelief over how attractive he finds me. I personally would be offended, but that’s just based on my own life and experiences…

8 Likes

f him off send him the child support

6 Likes

Have you maybe tried talking to him about it? He may be feeling uncomfortable being intimate since you are showing. For some, when the woman starts showing it becomes very real. It’s visible. I will say I didn’t have this problem though. Both times I was pregnant he definitely had no qualms with being intimate, but we both already had a pretty high drive.

I would start from there. Hopefully you’ll find something out soon. Having that hanging over the marriage isn’t fun.
I don’t like hopping on the “eff that man” train unless it’s needed because everyone and every relationship is different.

4 Likes

Fu€k him.
You are not fat and disgusting. You are a beautiful life giver. He wants to be acting childish over a lil weight and a baby bump ? Let him, he can go. He can’t love you in whatever shape you come in? Then he wasn’t for you in the first place. He can’t treat you like the goddes you are while carrying his child? Then send his dumbass packing. You deserve better. DO NOT LET THAT “BOYS” ACTIONS GET TO YOU.

Talk with him. If you weren’t suppose to get pregnant he may be worried about hurting you or the baby. He may be depressed. DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE WOMEN. He’s probably not not anything to worry about it. Just worried or depressed with the extra expense. These woman will have you thinking wild shit and looking psycho for no reason. 1st step talk to him. 2nd counseling may help. 3rd step be understanding of his needs and feelings as you expect from him. Men worry and get depressed as well. He also matters despite what these ladies in here will tell you.

Maybe he’s worried that he’s going to hurt the baby now that he can see the bump and it’s more in his mind. Dudes are kinda oblivious to how our bodies work and make up things in their heads and get complexes about them. Try asking him why he has reservations and would rather watch porno? Also if you don’t blow him regularly try doing that first and see where things go or even ask if you can watch the porn with him and masturbate together. It’s not the same as sex but it’s still very intimate and can very easily initiate sex. Good luck mama and congratulations :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

It’s not normal most men love when the baby is start to grow and your showing my hubby loved it at 1st he ask we won’t hurt the baby I explained the baby was well protected he was fine till I was 9 months then it was not happening he said baby might Grab him lol…

2 Likes

First off, congratulations!!! Second, you can either stab him in the throat when he’s sleeping and blame the hormones or bin him and get a new one. I’m 30 weeks tomorrow and know how it feels to feel fat and disgusting, difference being its my mental health that makes me feel like this and not my husband but the feeling of not being attractive in the slightest is there nonetheless. Sit him down and tell him how he’s making you feel or show him the door because he helped make your baby and he has the cheek to reject you and watch porn as an alternative? Not a f*vking chance, that itself is completely disrespectful and merits some dental work with a brick! There should never never be an alternative to a man’s wife, especially one carrying his child!

You need to start by talking to him. You are not fat and disgusting and you know it :heart: communication is the key.

2 Likes

He rejects you and instead goes and jacks off to porn? Yeah, red flag. I’m sure you’re beautiful and this has nothing to do with you. If he’s anxious and worried about hurting the baby (seeing the bump could’ve made him finally realize that there’s actually a baby in there), that’s a normal fear. But not talking about it and rejecting you and going to porn? No. That’s not. And then saying you need to “spice things up in the bedroom” then also rejecting you when you try? That sounds like a porn addiction. Does he realize that what he’s watching isn’t real? That most couples have normal healthy sex lives and folding your wife into an impossible pretzel or degrading her sexually isn’t what most women are into? I mean yeah, we tend to sometimes like our knees in our ears BUT it sounds like his porn habit is creating some unrealistic expectations. Especially when you are open to doing so and he shuts you down. My husband is a PA and he would say the same thing to me (and I’m not vanilla) so I’d tell him yeah I’m open for it let’s go. But he wouldn’t. Why? Because actually doing those things with me in reality ruined his fantasy life. He didn’t want to mix “reality with fantasy”. So I’d be wary. I used to not be and was flippant about it where he and porn were concerned but after everything I’ve been through the last few years, I’d be wary. Could be nothing but based on my experience, it may not be. Could just be jitters from the baby but the spicing things up and rejecting you thing sends red flags.

You need to have a talk with him when you both are calm. Let him tell you and you listen. It could be as simple as incomplete sex education and that he may hurt the baby or the baby will know. He may just be freaked out that your showing and it’s suddenly become very real to him and he may be trying to cope. It’s not abnormal for the guy to freak out. Each person has different normal and the rest of us have different normal from you guys. It does sound like maybe you guys could use some help with communication in this issue maybe you can try some couples therapy to better communicate and hear each other with this issue and future issues. I know it’s very hard not to take this personally but this is a him issue.

Also where are you guys at on intimacy without the expectation of sex? Maybe you guys can start there and work on that.

I have no advice because I’m going through the same thing :confused: Just know you aren’t alone.

2 Likes

He’s a weirdo get rid of him

8 Likes

You had an accident and were afraid to never conceive again? He may love how you look and scared to hurt the baby since you guys never thought you would have another one. Men have feelings too and not every man is bad. Talk first. Ask him if this is how he is feeling.

5 Likes

It’s not weird at all! Some men get uncomfortable being intimate during pregnancy… they think that they can hurt the baby. It’s nothing to do with you, he might just be uncomfortable with the situation now that he can physically see the baby growing inside of you. Just talk to him and let him know your concerns and listen to his as well.

Side note: it’s really disgusting how quick you women are to tell someone “that’s gross, get a new husband” over something that is so common. That’s not how relationships work. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable and work it out with your partner. Sometimes you and your partner speak different love languages and that’s okay. But to see how fast you guys encourage women to just up and leave instead of having a healthy relationship with their partner… that’s what’s weird and disgusting.

12 Likes

It’s not weird at all! Some men get uncomfortable being intimate during pregnancy… they think that they can hurt the baby. It’s nothing to do with you, he might just be uncomfortable with the situation now that he can physically see the baby growing inside of you. Just talk to him and let him know your concerns and listen to his as well.

Side note: it’s really disgusting how quick you women are to tell someone “that’s gross, get a new husband” over something that is so common. That’s not how relationships work. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable and work it out with your partner. Sometimes you and your partner speak different love languages and that’s okay. But to see how fast you guys encourage women to just up and leave instead of having a healthy relationship with their partner… that’s what’s weird and disgusting.

2 Likes

If he doesn’t like the weight you put on, then tell him you’ll loose all 200 pounds of dead weight and point right at him. Bro what the hell is wrong with men now days. So darn disrespectful

18 Likes

I’m 32 weeks pregnant with twins and my husband won’t leave my bump alone :joy: I’m sorry you’re going through that :two_hearts:

He makes you feel that’s way? Or are you assuming that’s what he thinks of you? I’m 32 weeks pregnant and my husband is uncomfortable having sexual relations while
I’m Pregnant at first I felt gross and fat he never once said those to me but it’s how I felt after talking to him I found out it makes him feel uncomfortable… I respect him enough to not pressure him. The last time we had sex was at 17 weeks… we spice it up differently we laugh together more and he’ll slap my ass or rub my belly etc. so talk to him. Tell him how you feel and if him sticking his dick in you while your pregnant makes him feel uncomfortable, respect him. Get yourself a vibrator girl!

That ain’t normal. Your carrying his child. Sorry your going threw this

3 Likes

He put that baby in you. It’s his job to support you through all the physical & emotional changes. If he can’t support you now he’s not going to be there for you during labor & after. Get rid of him. You’re better off not expecting to be loved than not receiving affection you expect.

2 Likes

If the man who got you pregnant, doesn’t want to have sex when you’re pregnant. Then leave his ass. Can’t have your cake and eat it too, you’re better off.

I think some guys are more protective of you and the baby. I highly doubt he sees you in the way he thinks you do. My best advice for all couples is to talk it out. Silence kills relationships.

1 Like

oh he needs to f off with all the other asses what kind of man is he

Some men think they’ll hurt the baby if you have sex while pregnant. This is fairly common. Maybe have him come with you to your obstetrician appointment and bring up the subject.

Were you in a relationship when you had the accident? It might have traumatized him to see you injured. Now that you’re having a miracle baby he could be freaked out about doing anything that might harm you or the baby or both. Hence the separate beds. What if he accidentally kicks your belly while sleeping? Holds you too tight? It might take a lot of reassurance for him to not feel like you are super fragile.

Ask him if these situations apply, and don’t respond back, just give him room and time to answer. You can also just ask him point blank if he finds pregnant bodies beautiful or disgusting or what.

It also might be that he feels left out of the birth process and he feels helpless to protect you and help with the burden of growing a baby. Involve him as much as you can. Can he massage your feet, hands or legs to make you feel better? Can you invite him to go on walks with you to keep you steady and hold your hand? Definitely bring him to ultrasounds unless that triggers the no intimacy phobia again.

Try marriage counseling if talking to him without judgment can’t pry the truth out of him.

Look at art depicting pregnant women to reinforce that you are beautiful and desirable. Say a mantra every morning or every time you pass a mirror about how your changing body is a miracle, you are glowing, ripening, your beauty is being enhanced, and you have a special sparkle now. Go get a Glamour or boudoir photo shoot done to provide evidence that you are amazing looking. Heck, Demi Moore was a naked cover girl fully pregnant.

Also, is he excited about this baby or is he worried about being able to support another child? Will you need a bigger place to live? Is he worried this baby will give him sleepless nights, endless messes, more stress, and be a financial burden on him? Is he worried about doctor bills? Do you work outside the home?

Or maybe he feels he will have to work longer hours or a more stressful job and won’t be able to enjoy being a father. How old are y’all? Maybe he feels now it will be forever until you are empty nesters and can retire and relax.

2 Likes

Communication… :scream_cat: Omg what a concept

3 Likes

I don’t think it is necessarily weird. Some men it starts to become real for them when yiu start to show. He could be afraid to hurt the baby since you had a hard tine conceiving before?
The fact he wants to sleep in different bedrooms has me concerned. If he wanted to spice things up it takes mire than the physical act if sex. Being intimate in all ways is super important. I get sleeping in different bed if maybe he thinks it will make you more comfortable since your belly is growing?
There could be so many reasons. Guys have a hard time expressing their honest feelings.
I would try bringing it up and see if he has a reason. You wont know unless you communicate.

Bringing a baby into the equation can be a lot of change for both people. Instead of trying to get love out of your husband, focus on bringing love and happiness to yourself. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. :heartpulse:

Retired obstetrician here: sorry to tell you, but a lot of men begin cheating when the baby bump starts showing. You need to check up on what he’s doing when he’s not with you. Again, sorry, but normal healthy men don’t stop having sex because the wife has a visible baby bump. He’s still having sex, almost certainly, and you need to find out where.

Talk to him n see what’s going on. If that’s the reason then that’s shallow! He may need some educational material about it, sometimes men get weird ideas about sexual activity with pregnant woman… like stuff about harming baby etc. Of course not true but it happens. I’d be sure that’s not what’s going on

1 Like

If you’ve tried communicating with him your feelings already it sounds like counseling may be in order. Even my ex husband, who was trash, loved my baby body. All 5 times. I have heard of it freaking some men out though. There is a lot he may not understand or he’s overwhelmed with the idea of the responsibility of another human. For us we get to experience the whole thing, there’s a lot he could be missing out on being so disassociated with the pregnancy so he isn’t making the connection he needs to enjoy it and you. Communication is always key.

Some people don’t want to sleep with somebody that’s visibly pregnant. There’s nothing wrong with it and it’s completely wrong of you to try and make it a bad thing. Get a grip. Communicate if it bothers you, but he isn’t OBLIGATED to have sex with you.

some men are hardwired to find their pregnant partner irresistible. others for whatever reason miss that wiring, and are instead afraid of or even disgusted by pregnant bodies. it is important to remember this has NOTHING to do with you, and he does not have control over this. it doesn’t mean he thinks you are ugly either. the baby bump just isn’t some peoples thing, and if that is the case you’re going to need to learn how to accept that. i’m sure as soon as baby is born he’ll be back to normal. my kids dads weren’t so hot for pregnant bodies, except my eldest sons father has a whole kink for them. thats pretty much it though. it’s hit or miss on how a father reacts to a pregnant belly. i promise it isn’t you though. it’s all biological.

Maybe he’s worried for baby

Sounds like he dose not want kids! And he’s not attracted to you. And he is mentally cheating. I would just carry on like nothing is wrong. Then after baby is born, i would leave him. If you have a job now i would be putting some money back. You can get a Section 8 housing or apartment. I would apply now.

2 Likes

Throw away the whole husband?

2 Likes

ALOT of guys are weirded out by having sex with a pregnant woman.

I’m in the same boat I’m 28 almost 29 weeks pregnant and my husband won’t sleep in bed with me but he want sex every day which is hard for me when I’m not in the mood 24/7

I can understand if it’s a concern about the baby. But if it because of physical body changes, then that’s unacceptable. It’s natural for our bodies to change during and after pregnancy. Also, him watching porn right after rejecting you is disgusting.

Honestly I know someone that happens to , unfortunately he still watches it