My husband doesn't want me going to his sons birthday party with him: Advice?

We both have X’s that we had our 1st babies with. I don’t have any physical contact with mine! And he doesn’t either we do have to deal with his X often though his kid comes on the weekends and he gives her monetary help every month anyway my question is The X wants him (my husband) to go to their son’s party to her house. First, he said no, and now he says he’s going, so I told him, okay, if you go, I will go with you he said no ur not going so I said well if I’m not going then ur not either! We can celebrate our son here too after we don’t necessarily have to do it at the same time his mom is or with them. Advice pls? Thanks

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How could you not go to his Birthday party? After all, you’re a part of his life also.

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Sorry I didn’t read that good.
Have a private party with him, and that way everybody will be comfortable on his special day. You won’t look like the bad guy.

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Why would you want to go where you are not welcome? There is much more to this story that isnt being told.
If the boys father wants to go to his childs birthday party, who are you to forbid it? Wow!
If you want to also celebrate the childs birthday, give him a second party at your place when he is there.
This isnt about you, its about the child and HIS special day.

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He should go to his child’s party u should not makes it awkward for the child put him first not about u in this situation

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I’d go at public park do all can be their ! Him not wanting you to go isn’t good? Sends wrong message to ex !! Maybe do at pizza place n set limit on tokens r change for games like 3 games per child? If you’re part of his child’s life my question is why you aren’t permitted? Can’t everyone be civil for hour r two for the child’s day !!

That’s his child, the child comes first always! If he feels it may be awkward and feels it’s best if you don’t go then be an adult and don’t go, pretty simple.

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Sounds like you don’t trust him to me. It’s his kids birthday, he should go and if you want to celebrate the kids birthday have a mini party at yours.

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Naye namwe abakazi abamu muyina engeli gyemutekawo embeera eyekisilu enyo Oli muleke agende ku birthday ya mutabani we… Wewumuze

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If he doesn’t want you to go, it’s because his ex is still hung up on him and jealous over you. Good co parenting is about respecting each other and keeping the peace for the sake of your child. If she’s really that terrible, and refuses to be cool with you, then you and he should throw him a separate party (bonus for the kid too!) and he should attend that one.

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He shouldn’t be going. Have a party at your house with his kid.

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Seems fishy to me Why can’t you go Have you ever had words with the wife physical fight if not he might be trying to get back with her If you’re not there it will make it easier for him

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You actually told him he couldn’t go to his child’s birthday party because you weren’t invited? You’re a special kind of idiot. If my husband dared tell me I couldn’t go to my child’s party id divorce him.

I think it’s on him. Yes him and his Ex have a child together but they are no longer together. He is with you now and he needs to tell his Ex either you go or he doesn’t . Period!! No reason why the both of you can’t have your own birthday party for his child… I disagree completely with everyone telling this woman she should be fine with him going to his child’s party without her. IMO Sounds a bit manipulative on the ex’s part.

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Who are you to tell him he can’t go ? It’s his son ! Why are you so bothered? Jealous? Don’t trust him round his ex ? You don’t have to go …do something special with him and dad at yours ? Maybe the kids mom has asked him not to bring you for whatever reason? Have a bit of class don’t lower yourself and think of the child if it’s awkward it will spoil his day !

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Seems like his baby mama still wants control. They don’t mind you being their when his kid is at your house. Don’t give the devil no room. If you can’t go, he can’t go! He should show his son how to be a man and respect his wife.

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A childs birthday party is not the time to be addressing adult issues. Leave him and his party out of your relationship issue with your husband. Let the man make an appearance at his sons birthday without forcing his other relationship on the boys special day. One has nothing to do with the other…

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In all seriousness, this is some petty bs. The birthday is about his SON. YOU are the one making it about his ex. Honestly, put your big girl panties on. Do what’s right for the child. He probably wants his dad there. So suck it up and deal. If you can’t trust your man, you have a bigger problem than a child’s party.

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I’m curious why it is important that you go along with him? Are you concerned about something happening between them?
But also curious why it matters to him? Maybe he is trying to avoid awkwardness of his ex with you. Bringing the new wife to the ex wifes house, may be uncomfortable for her. I can understand him wanting to be there to celebrate the childs birthday.
I would talk to him, and ask why he does not want you to go.

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My ex and my current partner get alone for the kids leave adult issues out of it of course a child wants every signoficant child at there party

You cant keep a father away from his son, that’s just being selfish. You all obviously are not getting along. Let him be with his son on his special day.

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Seems like you shouldn’t be with him if you can’t allow him to go to HIS child’s birthday party at HIS CHILDs MOTHERS house without you.

I suspect with the amount of distrust between you two; you won’t last long

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First of all, how long have you been together for you to be calling him “our son” and you sound like the asshole saying “if i dont go, neither do you.” That’s a grown man able to do as he pleases, and while its a little odd he would want to go to his exes house without you, it still doesnt give you the right to dictate that he can’t go to his childs birthday party.

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No way would I as a women stop somebody seeing there child. It’s not about you, him or the ex it’s about his son and his son will want him there on his birthday.

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I think your husband is totally wrong for not sticking up for you with the ex. I think it’s messed up and he shouldn’t have allowed her to say you can’t come. You’re the child’s stepmother and are in his/her life. Keeping you from the Birthday party is petty and childish. And your husband should have said so. I totally understand this because I’m in a similar situation. My fiance and I have a 2 year old son together and he has a 13 year old son with his ex. I’m never allowed at his events. School activities, graduation, etc. Yet I help support him financially, buy things for him (clothes, food, games, etc). I babysit him and take him places all the time as well. It’s very hurtful when you’re trying to the best you can for a child yet you’re being secluded on the outside. Your husband has to take a stand at some point, because ultimately it will way on the marriage. It’s not okay and your husband should know that. Sometimes you also have to pick and choose your battles. But I agree with you. This is wrong and not okay. And most people don’t understand this unless they are in the situation. Goodluck!

You are his wife not just a gf so I think it’s not acceptable for him to go unless you are invited too

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I don’t understand why someone tries to forbid an adult to go to his son’s birthday party. You seem to have trust issues, if that’s the case, re-think if this man is the right guy for you, because whatever you’re scared of and whatever your man wants to do, it might happen anyway, especially if you try to come in between him and his kid. Have you ever been to his ex’s house? If you’re not invited, don’t go, if you have a certain fear, explain it to your husband, but never forbid anything that has something to do with his child’s life. You should support him, not be his headache

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If you are his wife, he should respect you enough to not go somewhere you aren’t welcome, and love his child enough to have a separate party.

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That is his son ,don’t be selfish . What do you think is going to happen ? It would be great to have both your parents celebrating your birthday with you,even though they are no longer together .

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I’d file for divorce no questions asked.

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You should be welcome Anywhere he is!

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It’s his son ! Apparently you’re not welcome there . For you to tell him he can’t attend his son’s birthday party I’d say you’re the one that needs to stay home and work on yourself … says a lot that you don’t even see your own child . Btw it’s called paying child support

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Have faith in your husband, it’s for his son. Truth be ,he probably won’t stay that long. While he’s gone take yourself out for a little shopping spree.

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It’s not up to you. You are being extremely selfish by trying to make your husband choose between you and his child. Grow up!

So you wanna go somewhere to feel uncomfortable. 🤦

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Apparently the ex wife isn’t cool with you. I think it’s disrespectful of the ex wife to invite your husband over and not you. The fact that he agreed to it and said you weren’t going says alot! The ex wife is childish and manipulative doing that shit on the childs bday. I know its the childs bday party but it were me I would be upset. YOU’RE his WIFE. You two are an item. Where he goes you should be able to go and vice versa. The fact she doesn’t want you over says she has some unresolved issues with said husband of yours and shes petty. Both parties involved with said child need to get along for the well being of the child. I would let him go to the party bc after all its the kids bday party but afterward I would be having a chat with both of em.

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I wouldn’t worry about it. Let him go and enjoy the evening home by yourself. Maybe get his son a present from you to show his son you care.

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so he can ONLY go if you go… insecure much are we?

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I think your treading divorce territory making a man choose between going to his sons birthday party with you or not going at all.because he doesn’t feel comfortable taking you. Seems you need to think about this child and how it would hurt for daddy not to be at his party. This is call coparenting. Sometimes you have to swallow a lot for the kids. Its all about the kids. Has to be . If your uncomfortable with him going to his sons party because of the mother. That’s issues you need to deal with as a step mother. You don’t get to hurt the child because you have issues with the mother. I think its great as parents they can come together for their son and his day. And actually so should you as the wife and step mother.

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As person that has been in your situation I completely understand how you feel specially because his ex was not over him based on her trying to make our lives miserable for a very long time. However, now I am in a completely different place now I am actually the EX and I pretty much give him the option to come or not understanding his situation (he’s with someone else). I don’t want his new partner around yet. Not because I am not over him or not because I dislike her but because it’s awkward. Maybe the day I bring my new partner around things will be different but I can tell you I have invited him alone to my daughters parties for my daughters’ interest ONLY. If you trust him you should trust he’s there for his child and only for that. I know these situations are difficult but unfortunately that is included in the package when you’re with someone who has kids with someone else. Hope everything works out :relaxed:︎︎.

Out of respect…if we can’t go he’s not going and that should of came out of his mouth not yours.
Point blank PERIOD.why is she being left out

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Drama . Just let him do what he needs to do . You cant stop a man from cheating if he wants to . Quit being insecure

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I don’t think this has anything to do with you not trusting him I’m not really seeing how other people are seeing that. I would question why he doesn’t want you to go and I want you to pay attention to how he acts when you say he can’t go around his ex-wife. there’s a lot of ex-wife’s out there that will use the child to get close to her ex-husband and there’s a lot of ex-husbands that’ll go right back to that. I’m not saying all of them well but it does happen so if I was you I would be cautious because if you all get along and y’all co-parents so well why can’t you go.

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I think your losing focus of what’s important and is the Boy birthday it’s not about you been the wife and the ex. If you really think about it would you feel comfortable been at the ex house it’s her home with her family why would you be invited. Would you invited your baby daddy to your son/daughter birthday and allow him to bring his wife? Remember you are in the same situation.

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I agree with you! First off I dgaf how selfish it seems but I think it’s absolutely crazy to have someone’s husband/spouse go to an x’s house without there partner :woman_shrugging: Regardless. It’s inappropriate and I wouldn’t stand for it either. If you can’t go then he can’t go either :woman_shrugging: that’s weird and disrespectful. You guys are all grown ups and can celebrate a child’s birthday either together or on your own time. I’d never share a birthday party at an x’s house ever.

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This is a kid’s Birthday. The one day of the year that is supposed to be all about him. Celebrating him, his existence and his happiness. For one day can the adults put their stuff aside and do that? Clearly there is more to this story than is being told in the post. My vote is for the kid. Be the bigger person. Tell your husband to go and don’t be mad at him for doing it because asking a parent to choose between a spouse and a child is wrong no matter how you look at it and it will only make resentment grow on both sides. If there are greater issues at play, take those up with your husband, but leave the kid and his birthday (an annual event/reminder) out it, it’s not fair to anyone.

It’s about the child NOT your petty insecurity… you can still do a party too but this is 2 biological parents attempting to be present at THEIR childs Birthday party… grow up

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I don’t see why it would be an issue for you to attend the party. You are married. That fact that you will be attending other events during the children’s lives. You are part of the children lives you should be included.

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I understand what the fear is but sometimes you gotta accept things for what they are. Let him go, if he is your husband and you trust him then it should be no issue for him to go and spend time with his son. But i understand why you dont feel comfortable with him going without you

My thoughts are the X wants him there without his wife and if the husband dont want the wife to go SOMETHING STINKS.

You should let him go, don’t be “that” girlfriend or wife or what not

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Id be pissed. Not bcuz of insecurity but bcuz its disrespectful in my eyes. Why doesnt he want you going? Im sorry but my husband would never do that to me. And if he did, we would have issues.

You ste completely wrong . It’s his sons birthday and if thsts whst his son wants it even his sons mother respect it . . . This is just making it difficult for no validc reason . It’s not about you. . . Don’t see why yiu woukd wznt to be there particularly and you arnt welcome or they feel it will make it awkward . . . . Get over it

You are exactly the reason thst kids cant be happy as you have no respect to the chikd or the other parent it’s about you. My kids were constantly put in a position were daddy was forced to choose between them or his new partner she woukd do it in purpose . Thatsxwhat you are doing the kids will dispise you forever

How petty to keep him from being with his child.

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Mind your business, his son!!!

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To me in my opinion its petty to not let him go bc at the end of the day its the child that matters. Let him go and stay home.

sorry to sound rude but you’re being extremely selfish. parents should be able to come with or without their significant others

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No. He shouldn’t go. That’s his son’s bday party that his mom is having. Y’all can have your bday party for him separately. He shouldn’t go anywhere that u r not welcomed.

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If you do not have a relationship with the Ex than you should not go. What are you worried about she is his ex there is a reason they are not together. Do not impose yourself and you need to analyze what are your insecurities about the situation. How you handle your situation with your ex has nothing to do with his situation especially if you do not have a child with your ex which means you have no reason to communicate with your ex. If you became involved with a man that has a child than you should have prepared for this. Start by seeing his ex like the mother of his child not your rival for his attention.

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If you’re a couple why is he wanting to go without you? If you aren’t welcome than why would he even consider going himself?

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Clearly there is a reason why he don’t want you to go…and clearly there is a reason why you would say if you can’t go he can’t go…y’all got issues deeper than this birthday party that has NOTHING to do with the CHILD and HIS DAD so you need to take the high road and sit this one out! Be a MOTHER first and think about the CHILD!

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Lots going on in this post but dont feel like it has enough info to give sound advice… whats the history between you husband and x, how is your relationship with your husband, can you set your differences aside and consider the kid and how he/she would feel with/without your husband there?

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Either you attend or he doesn’t. It’s weird that he would not want you to go…unless you’re a drama starter. That’s the real question here and if I were you I’d ask him why he doesn’t want you going. If the mother has specified you not come why is that? If she hasn’t and it’s just him then something is up. You need to keep in mind though it’s ultimately about the child and his big day.

Why doesnt he want you to go that would be my question and if he has a valid reason then no biggie hun dont sweat the small stuff good luck :heart:

Sounds like you both have trust issues and you especially with him being around his X without you. Maybe discuss it a bit more ?

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It’s odd that he doesn’t want his wife there. Sounds like you and the x have already gotten into it before and he’s avoiding a conflict at his kids party.

The point is she is his damn wife she should be included in things like that really how is she selfish like hell no

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My question would be do you get on with the child’s mother? If yes I would think she would of invited you. If no don’t worry about it the child can have two birthdays with each. Knowing from my own ex partners we always worked together for our child. But because one ex partner was the linking factor to the break up, we did not invite the partner being polite when seen was enough, my older son would be picked up and dropped back. It’s all about the child but does not have to include the families mixing if no one can be nice for a short amount of time. Everybody has a unique situation depending on how the ex relationship ended. Some can become friends some can not be in the same room with the ex, hope you find middle ground to support your partner’s child.

Not enough information…

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Maybe his son wants his parents to celebrate with him and not the step.

Sounds like there has already been drama.

Not every family blends well

You really shouldn’t have an issue with him going to his son’s party without you. It’s his son.

I left it up to my kids if they wanted their dad at the family party I had, or he could have his own. He always came to the ones I have. I may not like the man, but it wasn’t about me. It is the kids birthday…the one day a year that is about them and they got to share it with whomever they wanted.

There were times I didn’t go.
And times I spent birthdays and holidays with my stepsons maternal family. His mother and I got along fairly well because we put the kids first.

Telling him he can’t go if you can’t go is very controlling and abusive behavior. Your insecurities are showing and you need to have more self confidence. It’s healthy for children to see their biological parents in the same room celebrating milestones. If you feel there’s more going on then you need to reconsider the relationship; not him attending his sons birthday without you.

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You sound insecure! Remember you also signed up for this kinda blended family thingy. Sorry madam but he has every right to be at his son’s birthday party done at his baby Mama’s house and she doesn’t want you there. It is called Mom, daddy and son! But not to worry, your man will be back home at nightfall ok! There!

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Let him go to his son’s party and then when. you get him throw another celebration for the kid if you feel the need to.

By telling your husband he can’t go unless you go, you’re sending a message that he has to chose between his child and you. The outcome WON’T be in your favor if he’s a good daddy, sit down and talk with your husband about your insecurities.

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Seems like there is more to the story …

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There should be no reason why you’re not allowed to go to the party as well. If he is acting that way,she may behaving petty…not sure. But he is your husband ask him what the problem is.

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That’s not your son. His mother is still alive and just go find u something to do while he goes. Im not bashing you just that when ppl have kids together it will always be something the new person doesn’t like. If he loves you just wish him a good day( fake it) and wait for him to come bk. If you gotta be a part of everything parents do then you’re in for a rude awakening

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Go to a spa and treat yourself. Go pamper yourself and enjoy the day. What’s To fight over? I would rather go anywhere then to a little kids birthday party LOL. Fix your crown & don’t worry over the little things. Pick your battles.

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At some point, you all (including xs) need to put difference aside for the kids.

She probably doesn’t want you there, which is wrong, but for the sake of the kid, don’t pull this. He deserves to have both parents at his party if he wants. Don’t take that away from him.

I’m so freaking glad my ex and I are friends. I couldn’t imagine dealing with this.

Reading all these comments, I now understand why divorce rate is so high. Nobody apparently has any respect for the sanctity of marriage anymore. When you get married, you respect your partner and don’t let others disrespect them. The husband is wrong for not having a better conversation with the ex. The husband and wife are a unit and she is now apart of that childs life. The husband is wrong for going behind the wife’s back and changing plans to the ex’s needs or wants. So disrespectful.

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Laughs omfg grow up first thing why would he want you around d his kid when you have an order that says you CAN’T be around your first one at ALL !! Why the fuck do you still have one in your care get over yourself

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Let that man go to his son birthday party :weary::woman_shrugging:t6:

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Stop inserting yourself into issues between your husband and his son and ex. This is why most second marriages end in divorce. Let the man go to his son’s party. You weren’t invited, and he diesnt want you there either. Plan something fun for yourself at the same time, then make sure to do your own family celebration with your husband and step son.

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Look. It’s the kid’s birthday. Don’t go. You’ll see him later. I don’t know how old the kid is, that might change my mind. If the kid is little like under 4 it’s not going to matter much. But if the kid is 5 or older it might be important you are there so the kid doesn’t think you don’t care. But ultimately if you being there causes strife. A kid does need strife.

We a package deal key word husband we take care of that child together why can’t his wife attend confused

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Even lovers need holiday away from each other. Need to learn and accept that not all step-parents are able to blend themselves with the X’s families. Sometimes, it not welcome too. Don’t force to create space for ownself in there. Let him go and trust he will come back to you once done.

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Have you ever consider the kids mother might not want
You there . It’s her right you know. You should focus on fixing your own , so u can have contact with your child. Isn’t that more of importance to you .

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I don’t understand why you can’t go to the party, is very disrespectful that you being his wife you are not allowed to be there, it doesn’t makes sense to me… his ex needs to deal with the fact that you are part if their kid’s life even if she don’t like it… you are not being insecure honey, you’re being disrespected for your husband and his ex, he shouldn’t go to the party without you…

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You know what sis, don’t let it get to you. Get your nails done while they have their birthday party. Just have another one for him at your house. No sense in continuing to get into drama that you know will not be resolved. Don’t let that negativity get to you. That’s why your man is with you and you have your own family with him. Just respect him and his children.

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I’ma laugh if you get left because he’s trying to see his son for his birthday and you wanna bitch cause he don’t want you there…guess what it’s not about you, it’s about that child and the parents are wanting to be cordial to each other that day and towing you along seems like will start a mess that doesn’t need to happen on his special day. So suck it up buttercup you can still throw him a birthday party later but put that foot in your mouth trying to invite yourself to an engagement that you weren’t invited too.

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Jeezus…look at ALL the bitches here trying to be relevant! WOW.

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Why can’t blended families just get along for the sake of the kids. Seriously you’re married to her ex you should be invited. When my daughter has birthday parties etc my ex and his finance are invited as is his family why coz that’s what family does for one another. I love my daughter and if having him and his family there makes her happy then so be it. Don’t let it get to you on a personal level though, unfortunately not alot of grown folk know how to actually act grown…

First off your not being insecure!!! Just wanna put that out there. Listen to your intuition its ALWAYS right. Let everyone else keep ignoring red flags of their man behaving single while MARRIED. Wow at these comments. I think your idea is fine. Her n her man have one for him at her house and you and his dad can have one at yours. Ladies what reason would you not want stepmom to come with her husband to her son’s bday party?

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Why are yall not throwing him a birthday party?
Then neither of you have to bother with the ex-

Maybe you have a better bond with the son because the mom is neglectful so she bitter and jealous. I know 90% on here is pick me because, all they can think of is that you are thinking he wants to cheat smh.

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Stick to your guns anomymous!

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I can tell who the divorced single mothers are or the ones that have dead beat baby daddys or no baby daddys for their kids. Y’all stand out like sore thumbs :+1:

Girl if that man goes to that party pack his fucking bags so he can stay over there, idgaf. U take ur damn place. Don’t let these bitter women that r tired of raising their kids alone discourage you from putting ur marriage first.

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If their relationship is over y not not go? My mum had my dad and his gf in our house celebrating all sorts? It was nice thru got on, , y wouldnt anyone want same for the kids sake? Its healthier !! Especially of everyone can get on .