Don’t use this situation to make a point about respect and boundaries. It sounds like bad blood between the mother and yourself or your husband, therefore I do understand why you have not been included. Going by your reaction I do have the opinion that you would cause drama or a toxic atmosphere when it should be about celebrating. That kind of attitude becomes very draining and you are at risk of loosing your husband and the child’s respect completely.
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Listen let the man go and be extra sweet and supportive. Buy your son the most extra gift… you pregnant by any chance? Maybe you can do a surprise reveal by giving him an outfit on being the world’s greatest brother. You can say you wanted to give it to him privately but you weren’t invited and wanted him to know he will always be part of your family. 
you can also make a super personal gift that has photos of you in it as a family. OR you can be extra happy but get ready when he gets ready. And dress at a 10 putting on stuff you have not put on in a minute. 
get all sexy and leave when he leaves. Dont even be mad but extra sweet. By the gift wrap and everything put from dad. Be extra supportive as hell and extra sweet. Your husband is going to be texting and dont respond lol 
but on a real note… sometimes as parents we do things for our children even if it hurts our feelings. We support them and show we are always there even if it means standing on the sidelines. Its his day. If his other parents want to behave like children and play games, be the adult and dont ruin it for him. Let his dad be there. Its not letting her or his dad win or disrespect. Its about loving our kids enough to be the better person. Give them the support they need. These are memories he will grow up to look back. Dont be the one who caused a bad memory because you didn’t “allow” his dad to be there because you weren’t allowed. Nah hopefully he looks back and sees that you chose his happiness over everything. That’s parenting period. I’m joking about the petty bs, day dream about how you can fuck shit up for everyone but make your kids happiness a reality. Fuck his parents but be the best momma since he desperately needs someone to be an adult in that situation.
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Let him go it’s his son
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I think you should go too x yr partner should want you there too x otherwise do yr own party when he comes to yours z
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Me and my ex do separate party’s it’s a bonus for our children’ as they celebrate twice . But sometimes you have to do things that you don’t like …I still have to watch my partner go to his daughters parties and go for Xmas alone as his ex is a pathetic immature little girl… yes it pisses me off but he’s seeing his daughter so I do t make it hard
My question is what kind of relationship do u have with his ex? Do you speak to each other or do you fight? If you are on civil terms and its not a problem why not call and ask? But if hes already voiced his opinion and said no then I probably would just let it go.
I agree with you, if you can’t go he shouldn’t be going either. This isn’t a new relationship so you should be included along with any kids y’all may have together
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Let him. Its about the kid having a bday party with both parents. But I would question why you are not allowed to go as you feel you are a parent to him and should be able to celebrate his life too. But I guess it depends what your relationship has been with the child’s mum. If you haven’t gotten along and you make it hostile or awkward that’ll be why your not allowed
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Have your own birthday party for him. That is what we do.
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Why is he not allowed to go to his child’s bday without you?
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Save time and trouble and just have 2 separate parties. My ex and I used to have joint parties but his girlfriend was always a snob and I always ended up having to do all the work anyways so we quit. Made my life a whole hell of a lot easier.
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It’s his son? Sounds like some trust issues there that need to be sorted out tbh
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You’re telling him if you’re not going he isn’t? Umm.
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I’d be going too or he ain’t. IF he still goes tell him not to come back. Too many other options…a 2nd bday party etc. When u break up thats the sacrifice u make…separate everything. Thats DISRESPECTFUL to u to still go after youve voiced ur not okay with it.
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Join together its about the kids
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The start (or continuation) of a divided home.
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Its about his kid not bout you let him go yes it a awkward situation but you knew he has a kid before you
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Why can’t your partner attend the party alone?
And, are you and the child’s mother chummy? If the answer is no, that’s why you are not invited. 
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You guys are married and you’re not allowed to go to his sons birthday party? 
A new girlfriend, I understand… but I would question this one.
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I totally agree with you 100%. That seems inappropriate.
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Mmm if you two are married I think it comes as a package deal maybe I’m weird …
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I would let him go…thats his kid n that kid should come before u…sorry but he is gonna end up mad at u for u not letting him be there
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Sarah Diveley Lacie Scott she forreal ?? Like umm sorry I might be the oddball out but I’ll be damn if someone married or not told
Me I couldn’t go to MY child’s birthday or anything… your not the kids mom get over it… it’s called co parent just because you have shit to do with your ex doesn’t mean anything for him… get over it or leave sorry not sorry
When do parents grow up my ex and I divorced each other not our child all the exes get together for Xmas Thanksgiving and parties make it easy on the child set an example
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Get along with the Ex’s so you can all have a peaceful life, do it for the kids
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Let him go by himself. Do you think he’s gonna have sex with her at their sons birthday party. It’s about his son,I’m sure the boy would love to have his dad their. Don’t ruin the little boys birthday because your insecure
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Growing up my parents were split. We always just had separate parties, however I don’t see an issue having one together. But why can’t you go with? That’s weird to me too. I wouldn’t like that either.
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I’m not going ANYWHERE that my husband isnt welcomed. And why would I want to? That’s disrespectful. Can I go? Absolutely. Would I be that inconsiderate of his feelings to be okay with him being made to feel like he’s invalid or outcast? Absolutely NOT. After all, we made a vow to each other.
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My husband doesn’t go anywhere I’m not welcome. It’s a rule we share. We are partners. It has zero to do with trust and everything to do with safeguarding your marriage and not necessarily from cheating but unnecessary accusations. Exs can be downright vindictive and it could endanger your husbands welfare. There are way too many options for you!
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Just out of curiosity, why are you not able to go with him?
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I didn’t realize that wives suddenly had all control over their husbands and can tell them what they can and cannot do
You can tell him you don’t want him to go but you don’t get to tell him he can’t go. You’re not his superior. He most likely told you you can’t go because you’re high conflict, which is very obvious from this post 
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That’s hella sus but also how can you say he can’t go to his sons bday party lmao.
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That’s just weird he wouldnt want you to go. I would never give an ultimatum but I wouldn’t be with someone like that lol. If you have to force someone to do things your way, that’s a pretty pathetic and sad relationship
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If you broke up his marriage I wouldn’t want you either. If neither of you cheated before marriage broke up maybe you should ask why she doesn’t want you there.
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I would make the most of the break while he is out for a few hours
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A lot of people are saying “I’m not going anywhere my husband isnt welcomes or vise versa” nobody knows for sure she “isn’t allowed” maybe HE doesn’t want them two colliding. Y’all want hella drama lol!!! I think you should let him go if you don’t trust him then that’s another problem. It’s nice for kids to see their bio parents together sometimes. Now if she blatantly says I don’t want her there, it’s also different. But she never said the ex didn’t want her there as far as I know he doesn’t want her going
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Stop being selfish! Im saying this out of a place in my heart where i had to go through the same bullshit!
My husband (then boyfriend) went through five years of being together before i could be apart of his daughters life. Once she realizes you wont be going anywhere, things will get easier. Then play nice for the sake of the kid
I don’t understand why you’re not invited tbvh, like what’s wrong with all of you parents step and bio giving him a special day together ? At the same time what’s your reasoning for not letting him go alone? Has he messed up in the past and you have trust issues? Like you need both to communicate your concerns and reasoning
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my boyfriend doesn’t go to anything where my ex husband’s family will be and my ex doesn’t come to my place at all. I’d let him go if he wants to, I don’t feel like this is a fight worth having.
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Do you mean you don’t have your first child or your x isn’t around? Just because your unable to coparent with your x is he not supposed to coparent with his. And of course he gives her monetary help. It’s called child support
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Me and my husband’s ex hated each other at first. But never in front of the kids. My step daughter wants me at all her birthday parties so we do them all together. The three of us and now four with her moms boyfriend. We are by no means friends but we get along and take care of each other for her.
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I think it’s weird you cant go if you’re married to him id understand if you were a new girlfriend but obviously you’ve been in his and his childs life awhile but at the end of the day its all about the child i dont think its fair that you wont let him go. Plus hes an adult he can go where he pleases you shouldnt be telling him what he can and cant do
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Why can’t you go? And why don’t you want him going to the mother of his child’s house for his child’s birthday? That’s his son. And regardless, his mother, will always be in your kids. She isn’t just his ex. She’s the mother of his child. He can do a separate party thought. So you can be apart of it. Because you to, are apart of his life as well. But, it seems the “adults” have some growing up too do. And maturing. It is not about any of you. But the child that’s involved. Also, never make him, choose between you and his own child. Regardless of why. Or your own reasons you think you have.
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I agree either you both go or no one goes that’s just my opinion though
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h…if his kids want him to be there then he needs to go with or without you his kids come before you period
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Just let him go. Not worth the fight. He should be at his son’s party.
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I personally wouldnt want to go…its just a kids party…let him go alone.
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I have the same issue. He didnt want me there because HE wanted a nice day and HE wanted his PALS and FAMILY to have a good day. What about OUR BABY and what he would want. Every event hes been invited to from my side and always refused, every xmas morning hes been here. Yet if the tables are turned, no chance. Parents need to get on and do what is emotionally beneficial for their child. X
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Have a conversation about why he doesn’t want you to go… Is there issues between you and his x? Is he hiding something? Does he feel that you just don’t belong in those surroundings? Did she say you weren’t invited? So many questions… COMMUNICATION!!! I personally don’t get along with my hubby’s ex wife AT ALL. We hate each other to say the least. She does whatever she does in HER house and we will do whatever we want in OUR house. There is no cross over.
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First question…how is the child? That his father be present at His house party. I personally don’t think this womans husband took the right stance in the situation. Actually…he should feel a little awkward in his ex’s house with other family and his wife not present.
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I know for damn sure I’d be livid if my husband told me that I wasn’t welcome at the party…that being said, I could never in a million years tell my guy that he could not go to his child’s party.
Dont make him pick between you and the child. It’s not about you. Sometimes its takes a bigger person to show the way. Spa day sounds good. When she sees, and it may be awhile, that your ok, things may change. You are the change.
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If you’re married you should be able to go with him. At least you are willing to do that. If you can’t go then I wouldn’t want him going either, that’s ridiculous. Have a separate party at your house like you said.
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Just going by the sounds of this post
He figures you gonna start some shit
And I bet you do
And it’s not monetary help…it’s called child support
I’ve seen TOO many men go over their ex’s house to see their kid(s) & end up having sex with the ex. Same way with women too.
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Why doesn’t he want you to go?
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Your right, you can celebrate his birthday twice, he would love to have two events. Him not wanting you to go is a red flag that there is shit happening that he doesn’t want you present for and I would def have a problem.
So to everyone saying that’s his kid, he should go. What happens when his son is there on the weekends and needs something. Is she supposed to tell him that’s your kid? If she cares for his son while in their home theres no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to go to the party. And if the ex and current wife don’t get along well they both need to suck it up. Because again. Its about what’s best for the son right?
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This is about the child not u if I have trust issues that’s on use to work out but point is let him go to his son’s birthday
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You should be able to go…you are the new wife…new family… Fuck the ex… and the ppl on your post
U told ur husband he can’t go to his sons birthday party because ur not going 
grow up are u his mother ? U should be grateful ur husband and his ex can co parent successfully without ur input many men can’t 
drama queen springs to mind
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As a Custodial mother, that has TRIED REPEATEDLY tried to included my 10 yr old son’s Father’s GF and her 2 kids, We NO LONGER have a peaceful Co parenting relationship due to GF having an issue with seeing Mom and Dad getting along! Made the demand He take her home and He could come back! Ruined MY SON’S PARTY for her selfish need to be center of Dad’s attention! I really wish ladies that get with Men that have children could understand, being Dad’s New SO dosent make YOU the New Parent! Its Dads RESPONSIBILITY to effectively Co-parent with the Mother , Dad shouldn’t be put in the position of Not participating in a Co parenting Birthday party for HIS child so his SO feels RESPECTED, Where is the RESPECT that he was a Father BEFORE he was your Spouse? I’m sorry ,but too many Peaceful co parenting relationships have been RIPPED apart bc of the NEW S/O and her NEED to insert herself in a Parenting relationship THAT DOSEN’T concern her and MOM gets the blame!
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I’m in the same family situation. My man wouldn’t go out of respect for our relationship. Just like I wouldnt go if he wasn’t coming with me. Do your own party. Its more fun for the kid anyways. Why is he so hell bent on you not going ?
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Honor his wishes. It’s not about either of you it’s about the child. If whoever is throwing the party didn’t invite you, then I wouldn’t go. I would throw a party for him at your house and invite the child’s mother/significant other and open up that relationship and hope to forge something where you could have these types of things together in the future!
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Wow some nasty comments. For those calling her insecure and to get along with the ex. It was her husband’s ex that said not to bring his new wife along. Sounds to me like her husband’s ex has the problems and her husband should be an adult and see the games his ex is playing. All while using her son like that.
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Why not just ask his ex if she’d mind if you come? Everyone should try and get along for the child’s sake, so if there is no tension between the two of you ask her or have him ask.
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No fricking way!!! My boyfriend knows better. That would be the quickest way to be in the doghouse. He knows I am a permanent part of his life. We just passed our 1 year anniversary and at first I didn’t want to make his kids uncomfortable because I felt I was encroaching on their time. They are 15 and 17 now and if he excluded me because their mom doesn’t like me(jealous narcissist) and therefore their opinion is swayed, I would be done with him. His ex is gonna have no say about our relationship. There are certainly times i don’t feel like the drama so I will choose not to go events. She yells names at me from the stand as does her boyfriend 
if you are going to be part of his future, he needs to prioritize and you 2 can have a celebration for his son.
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Definitely communicate. My husband is welcome near my Ex if the reason permits. Such as birthdays, graduations, whatever.
Why didn’t you ask why you couldn’t go
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Let him go! Just make sure when the kid comes over, he keeps that same “it’s his child” energy! Sounds like a little boy’s mess, grown men don’t deal with this nonsense when they respect their wife.
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If my husband told me he was going to his ex’s for his sons birthday party and told me I couldn’t go with, there’d be a HUGE problem.
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For the birth of my daughter I had a no step parents allowed rule on delivery day. I wanted both my mom and dad to feel comfortable for the birth of their grandchild. I love both my step parents but i wasnt gonna have any possibility of drama. Both step parents were mature about it too. Its not that they hated each other but it did make them uncomfortable seeing them with someone else.
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I think it’s odd not to have your partner along unless there’s some serious craziness (maybe she’s a kleptomaniac I don’t know) then I’d never go somewhere without my husband especially if the other person made a point of Only inviting one of us.
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You can’t stop him going to his own child’s birthday party, stop making this about you. Theres probably many reasons why he doesn’t want you there. He could be trying to avoid drama. Leave the poor guy alone and let him see his son.
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If he’s not okay bringing you, i wouldn’t let him go alone. Nope. We have seperate parties for our kids.
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The Kids, no matter what, come before your feelings!!! End of story!!!Don’t hurt the child because it’s not the right time to blend the families together!! Please think about it! I understand it might hurt! But timing is everything. And he needs to be there for his kids important dates!! No matter what!! Let him go, and still throw a party for the kid on your time!!
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Agree with your rules!
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This is the problem in today’s society, this is what people have wrong nowadays! It’s always the kids come first. Well that is why many relationships fail. My parents had it right, were together over 40 years…because why? They put their relationship first and the family. Kids learn from a solid foundation, if you want to make it about the kids and not have spoiled entitled brats, stop allowing them to think the world revolves around them. They are a family UNIT, it’s perfectly okay to do two separate parties for the son. If the father and his Ex are civil, then there should be no problem bringing his new wife, after all she is the stepmom. Shouldn’t they be showing the son that they can all coexist as a big family unit?
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Depends on the background my dad cheated on my mom and brought the girl he cheated on my mom with to my brothers graduation the next year while my parents were still divorcing my brother was hurt and livid didn’t talk to my dad for weeks I’m not saying that’s happening here but if it’s that kind of situation it might be partly the kid too??? Even if it isn’t it depends on the mom if she doesn’t want you there ya it’s wrong but she has every right to say that she probably dosent want your hubby there either but the son does and she knows it’s for him and he as a father shouldn’t miss it because she dosent want you there but you can be angry about it and have every right to be
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My question is what are his reasons for not wanting you there? That doesn’t make sense. You guys are married. When I invite my ex over for kids events or even just big family dinners, he knows his wife is invited too and so are her kids. When they invite me over to their house, they assume my husband will be there with me too as will our kids.
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Ahhh wrong choice 2nd wife and stepmother! Your shallow/ jealous side is showing!
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What’s his reasons for not wanting you to go or is that his ex’s rule? You can always have separate parties if it truly is that big of a deal.
Ask his ex if she minds if you go too. It’s not really your husbands call whether you go to someone else’s home. Don’t make shit awkward. Be polite and remember it’s about what’s best for the kids involved. If she isn’t comfortable with you being in your home, accept that too.
Let him go without you. Don’t punish the child. You are being selfish
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I would let him go. Trust is the key !
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You can’t say Co-parenting and you’re not invited in the same sentence, that’s not how that works. I would be very uncomfortable if my partner was going somewhere I wasn’t allowed to go. It’s one to know there is an open invitation and choose not to go but to straight not be allowed I’d really weird.
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Let him go. Everyone coparents differently.
We still do birthday parties for our younger two (4&6) together. Our oldest (10) has more fun doing sleepovers with a few friends vs a party. So she usually does that at her dad’s house because there is more room
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I agree. If he goes you should be able to also especially since y’all are married
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It’s. Not. About. You. Don’t make him chose between you and his child. Grow up.
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It’s his sons birthday party. His ex might not want you around because it’s uncomfortable or there is confrontation. There isn’t really any reason he can’t celebrate his sons birthday at the party without you and then you guys can have a party together on his weekend with his child. You refusing to let him go to the party without you seems kind of immature.
My ex husband went to his daughters birthday and stuff without me. I trusted him and had no issue with it. We celebrated her birthday and stuff on his time with her.
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He can go alone, it’s best. Don’t start drama.
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I have a step son and we have had separate parties since he was 2. Nothing wrong with that.
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You never tell a man he cant go somewhere if it regards his kids and your not the mother. Mind your business.
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But the children first and then you can blend in the family as you grow !
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I say he should go, the child should be allowed time with both parents. I am a mother of 2 children with different fathers. One of the father’s has other children… I used to invite the other mom to come around but when their relationship problems trickled over to my daughters mental health I respectively asked that she not come along anymore. Its about the child. I don’t know what your situation is but I do know a child’s birthday should be tension free and only about the child. Not about who wishes to attend.
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Yea it’s weird he doesn’t want you to go…
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Let him go it’s about the kid this sounds like a trust issue
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It’s not our kids! It’s his and her kid. Remember that! He was invited, not you. It’s not your choice. It’s his son’s birthday and he should go while you stay home.
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If you arent invited he shouldn’t be going either. It is showing they don’t respect you. Have your own party.
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