My husband doesn’t want to have intercourses or cuddle with me unless I beg him and most of the times even after I beg him and I ended up crying because I'm so hurt and he still doesn’t even bother to acknowledge me and I don’t know what to do.
It’ll be 3 years in the spring of 2022 since we got married and together 5 years in March 2022. And we have a 7 months old baby. In the last 2 years, we have gone 13 months without having sex, and when I’ll bring it up, he’ll say something like he has to work on his sex drive or talk to a therapist but it never happens. I try going at least a month without begging him for sex but when I ask him, he’ll tell me he’s tired and if we can do it the next day. When the next day comes, he becomes cranky and not very approachable but I still ask him a few times to sex me, and when he finally says yes, he can’t even touch his own dick because he doesn’t want his hands having sticky stuff on him so I’ll have to do his part of the job and 80% of the times his dick is not even hard and after a few tries, and I get it inside, he cums within a few minutes and he won’t even try to please me afterwards. I never remember when was the last time we had sex because it’s always months in between. He can’t even kiss me or even hold my hands or spoon me. Or show me any types of affection.
I’ve told him my concerns and my desires but I feel like he acts like he cares but there’s no action. This has been going on since our first year today.
I don’t want to talk to family or friends yet because he’s my husband and I want to protect him as long as I can but what should I do?
So sorry but my um hmmm well someone i know who was like this i found out in the end was because he was gay. He couldnt stand cuddling unless he was drunk. No kissing during sex, and pushes away extra is a ahmmm sign. Dear i say it, could he be secretly gay.
The thing that bothers me about this is his complete lack of affection towards you.
The sexual issues sound like a medical/ physical issue with him that he NEEDS to address.
But even if he was or wasn’t trying to fix his medical issues, that’s no excuse for his lack of affection and cuddling and touching.
I was with someone for 7 years, and he was the least affectionate person I’ve ever met. I’m VERY affectionate and need touch (hand holding, hugs, cuddling, etc.).
I honestly wouldn’t be able to be with someone again who wasn’t affectionate.
So you need to seriously consider if this is something you can live with. The sexual issues he needs to see a doctor. He definitely has some type of ED issue. But the lack of affection has nothing to do medically, and you need to decide if you can live with it if he doesn’t change.
Has he always been like this? He may have intimacy problems, which if he does he needs to get his ass in gear and keep his therapy promise. Has he asked his doctor about all this? It could be a body or hormone thing too. If those don’t provide answers though he may be hiding some feelings from you. Don’t jump to that first though! If he’s serious that he cares then he needs to show it, because this kind of thing can and will push you right out of that door. If he really wants you he needs to go get looked at body and mind.
Definitely cheating😒. Sorry I know how much that hurts. He’s emotionally disconnected from you completely it’s just business at this point. No one deserves a marriage like that, definitely time to separate
I’m sorry your going threw that, but have you tried to talk to him about what he’s going through anything? Maybe he is having mental issues or something. Depression and anxiety can effect the sex drive. I know that from experience.
I feel bad for my hubby, cause we haven’t done anything for about about 9 months. (From 2mo of being pregnant to almost 2 months after my son is born) and I still don’t get the feeling to go at it.
Make your husband a drs apt.discuss the erectile disfunction but also ask some questions about autism.lots of adults on the spectrum go undiagnosed if isnt severe in childhood.he seems to have a disconnect over your feelings and what you wrote about hands makes me wonder if he could have autism or ocd.
Well…… this is how it’s been for me, except it’s me on the other end of things not wanting to do anything but ever so often. It’s not that I’m cheating or don’t love my husband or adore him or whatever. It’s that I’m chronically depressed and in pain all the time plus raising our 3 kids and everything else. It sounds like your situation is different than mine but at the same time maybe he is going through something. Needless to say he shouldn’t make you feel like you’re not wanted. Because even though I don’t wanna do it all the time I still let my husband know I love him and appreciate him and that’s it’s not him it’s my depression and my body image problems.
Sounds like he is discussed with himself and the act itself …. I doubt he is cheating, I’d say he is on the spectrum esesialky if he is always washing his hands because of “ being dirty “
Maybe he’s masturbating or cheating either way u need to get a handle on it or get rid of him no sense in keeping yourself unhappy it’s hard but doable all the best.
Hmm id be looking for a new one girl … stay married if u must … tell him if he is not willing yo give u what u need you will get it elsewhere… maybe he will choose to go maybe not … lofes too short for shitty sex !!!
Personally I’d leave, sex is a huge thing to me & definitely a deal breaker, I guess you just gotta find out if it’s something you can live with if things don’t get better
Y’all go straight to the worst case scenario’s don’t automatically assume the worst. The negative comments don’t help her at all. Have him speak to his dr he could have something medically going on. Why’s it okay for women to be depressed and not want sex but if it’s a man he’s gay or cheating wtf
It could be medical but also consider that there are a lot of ppl that are repulsed by sex it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them or the other person. I don’t think anyone should be obligated to provide it if they don’t want it. There are lots of options for diy in that area as for affection you may have to figure out what his ways of showing you love are and appreciate that. I imagine it would feel very lonely to feel valued or rejected for just this area when life should be so much more. If a woman was feeling obligated or a man was saying they had to do her part after she made it clear she didn’t even want to more ppl would be appalled by it.
The lack of affection is where the red flag for me would be. I think the issues for him with sex tho could be anything from childhood trauma to health issues. I wouldn’t assume he’s cheating unless you find something to be concerned about. But the lack of affection you entirely need to discuss with him and be blunt. Ask him outright if he is happy in the marriage or not. If not then you have to decide whether to stay or go.
It sounds like he might have a medical issue or something going on (could be a physical issue or a mental one). Men get really embarrassed when it comes to that stuff and don’t like to admit when they’re having problems. Rather than begging for it all the time and making it about you try asking him what’s going on and offer help. Help him find a doctor, go with him to the appointment for support, etc. I’m not trying to be mean so please don’t take it that way. He might just be embarrassed to talk to you because you’re always begging him for sex and getting upset and thinking it’s got something to do with how he feels about you.
Try to have an honest conversation with him and ask him if he thinks he is attracted to men instead of women. You can also try to spice up things like watching porn, role-play, candles, learning his erogenous zones, massage, dance. Some people need more than foreplay before sex.
Or maybe he is depressed. This is the scariest situation. Sometimes when people are unhappy or have unmet needs, they can get depressed. If it is depression, try to help him find medical support fast.
Hunni
13 months isn’t that long
I’ve gone without out for 10 yrs (due to being raped)
Like women
Men can also loose interest in sex
There is so much more to intimacy then sex
Cuddling on the couch watching a movie (I’m not talking about pornos )
Did you ever think he might be pleasing himself watching porn or he just hates the fact that he finishes to quick and he can’t satisfy you have him talk to his Dr. by himself you just make the appointment
He could be gay, could have an issue with his thyroid, ED, depressed. Things like this are not always caused by cheating and I hate that people jump to that.
Why do most of you women
Jump to the conclusion that a guy is either cheating, gay or just not into you
Did you women ever considered he may have medical , emotional or mental health issues
We are only hearing one side of the story
I would say, go Snooping! 5 years is a long time to be together. If he isnt talking, I would find out why. Likely you’ll get your answer on his phone or computer…could be any number of reasons! Also, don’t forget the search history. I know some wont agree with this, but if you have tried to talk and he won’t listen, then you need to know!
Start with having him see a doctor!!! Many things can be happening…sex drives or lack of them can be dangerous signs of some cancers…mine was affected when I ended up finding out I had breast cancer!
3 years and no real answers . If you asked bluntly and still nothing after 3 years then you did not want the real answer . If he made nothing but excuses then he did not want to have a marriage . You knew what you wanted.and he told you in so many different ways in silence. Now it’s your chess move . You dragged it out in silence most of the time because you thought that silence would change it. It doesn’t take five years to get an answer . You had yours the first year so make a decision now and go live a life you want . Most people say they want change until they have to put in the time and hard work to get it done . Your choice so pick one .
Go get yourself a toy then you can get yourself off as often as you need & don’t have to bother him at all then file for divorce life’s to short to be miserable
Wow! I see a LOT of judgement, but if he has always been this way he is likely ASEXUAL …NOT GAY OR CHEATING. I go through periods of this…longest was 3 years where if my husband touched me my skin crawled and I wanted to puke. I love my husband. It’s not a choice. I also go through periods of hypersexuality as well, but most asexual people don’t.
What was it before? When dating/right after marriage? I think that’s a huge piece of info missing. If something suddenly changed, maybe you can pinpoint it. If he has always been like this, was it never an issue before? I am getting (just from what is typed here) that it has only been recent years, it says the last 2. Were the first 3 years completely opposite and affectionate and intimate?
I mean is he gay…. Or ED? Or cheating… 13mo is a long time for anyone… or truly just isn’t into sex and it isn’t something he wants. Either way I’m sure it’s embarrassing for him and it’s a real discussion to be had. No begging, crying etc. just a real talk
I think he has a medical issue or it’s mental condition. He’s avoiding sex because of it. You need to make the appointment to seek medical treatment and tell him you’ll go with him, that he isn’t alone.
I would make him a Dr. appointment first off to both talk about it and get his hormones tested. Sounds like something is off, unless it has always been this way since day one. Then if he wants it to change, he will do the work. If he doesn’t, then you need to decide what’s best for you.
Why would you marry someone who wasn’t meeting your needs? He’s been doing this all along yet you chose to stay, marry him, and have a baby with him, and now you want to punish him for the way he’s always been?!
First. Buy a very nice vibrater
Second. Use it.
Three. Have fun !!!
Four. If he objects… explain that he had his chance !!!
Then contact a lawyer and kick him out
Why are you making sex the only important thing in your marriage some men have serial problems and just to ashamed to talk about it if you can’t love him without sex then he don’t need you and I know you don’t put names on here but I’m sure if your husband read this he would know you wrote it try showing and telling him that you are the one that put on Facebook for everyone to read and why not tell family are you trying to say they would beat the he’ll out of him for not having sex with you
You could always have the talk if he’s gay or bi? I know it could be hard for you but it could be fun? Or plan a date night with drinks and MAYBE some recreational stuff if you’re up to it
He could be struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, addiction, hormones and many other things.
If a woman is struggling with sex drive etc they are met with more support and understanding than what this guy is getting here. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is cheating or just not into you. I don’t think leaving your marriage is the go to answer here.
Well first I would see if he’s willing to see a Dr for this issue and than if he’s not I assume he’s cheating or is hiding in the closet especially seeing he doesn’t show you any affection. I would be going my own way for sure and he would be on his marry way
Kinda sounds like hes a selfish jerk… i get having low testosterone/low sex drive but because he loves you he should be willing to have intimacy with you, like cuddling after, not making you do all the work and/or making sure you have some sort of pleasurable experience. Was he always like this and now its changed since you’ve been together? If he has changed and wont see a doctor or at least talk to you about the sexual issues he might be cheating…
Idk the situation but everything is screaming red flags.
Buy you some great toys in the meantime
Sounds like my soon to be ex husband.He didnt want to have sex hardly ever,didnt want to do anything fun in the bedroom,rather sleep then do anything else.Didnt show any compassing at all.No holding hands,kissing or,anything like that.The no sex part,was because he had low testosterone.I’d have him make a drs appointment to see if thats the problem
I was married to a guy (for a short 4 months) about 30 years ago … and you could be describing him …!!! He never wanted sex and was standoffish with me … I tried … so finally it ended in a divorce … fast forward to about 5 years ago … I found out…. HES GAY …!! Finally came out of the closet …!.! All those years I blamed myself… when I just wasn’t “built right” for him …!!!
If you are not happy and doesn’t care. You leave. You can try to do counseling but if he’s not dealing with anything and doesn’t care that you cry or are upset then screw him. You don’t need to wait forever. You try to fix it and if he won’t try back you leave.
positive vibes
don’t automatically assume the worst. The negative comments don’t help her at all. Have him speak to his dr he could have something medically going on. Why’s it okay for women to be depressed and not want sex but if it’s a man he’s gay or cheating wtf
