My husband doesn't want me

My husband doesn’t want to have intercourses or cuddle with me unless I beg him and most of the times even after I beg him and I ended up crying because I'm so hurt and he still doesn’t even bother to acknowledge me and I don’t know what to do.

It’ll be 3 years in the spring of 2022 since we got married and together 5 years in March 2022. And we have a 7 months old baby. In the last 2 years, we have gone 13 months without having sex, and when I’ll bring it up, he’ll say something like he has to work on his sex drive or talk to a therapist but it never happens. I try going at least a month without begging him for sex but when I ask him, he’ll tell me he’s tired and if we can do it the next day. When the next day comes, he becomes cranky and not very approachable but I still ask him a few times to sex me, and when he finally says yes, he can’t even touch his own dick because he doesn’t want his hands having sticky stuff on him so I’ll have to do his part of the job and 80% of the times his dick is not even hard and after a few tries, and I get it inside, he cums within a few minutes and he won’t even try to please me afterwards. I never remember when was the last time we had sex because it’s always months in between. He can’t even kiss me or even hold my hands or spoon me. Or show me any types of affection.
I’ve told him my concerns and my desires but I feel like he acts like he cares but there’s no action. This has been going on since our first year today.

I don’t want to talk to family or friends yet because he’s my husband and I want to protect him as long as I can but what should I do?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't want me

Is he a diabetic? Or dealing with other health issues?

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Try marriage counseling.

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Sounds like he needs to have a conversation with his doctor.

Also maybe grow up a little. He won’t touch his own penis?

So sorry but my um hmmm well someone i know who was like this i found out in the end was because he was gay. He couldnt stand cuddling unless he was drunk. No kissing during sex, and pushes away extra is a ahmmm sign. Dear i say it, could he be secretly gay.

Sounds like he’s having a medical issue and may also be having mental health issues as well and he’s repressing instead of dealing with it

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The thing that bothers me about this is his complete lack of affection towards you.

The sexual issues sound like a medical/ physical issue with him that he NEEDS to address.

But even if he was or wasn’t trying to fix his medical issues, that’s no excuse for his lack of affection and cuddling and touching.

I was with someone for 7 years, and he was the least affectionate person I’ve ever met. I’m VERY affectionate and need touch (hand holding, hugs, cuddling, etc.).

I honestly wouldn’t be able to be with someone again who wasn’t affectionate.

So you need to seriously consider if this is something you can live with. The sexual issues he needs to see a doctor. He definitely has some type of ED issue. But the lack of affection has nothing to do medically, and you need to decide if you can live with it if he doesn’t change.

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Get a couples therapist.

Has he always been like this? He may have intimacy problems, which if he does he needs to get his ass in gear and keep his therapy promise. Has he asked his doctor about all this? It could be a body or hormone thing too. If those don’t provide answers though he may be hiding some feelings from you. Don’t jump to that first though! If he’s serious that he cares then he needs to show it, because this kind of thing can and will push you right out of that door. If he really wants you he needs to go get looked at body and mind.

Is he Military or past Trauma?

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He needs to get checked for Low testosterone.

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I wonder if he’s Asexual?

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Ask him if he really wants the help. Make the arrangements for him.

Is he gay? In the closet? Depressed?

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The no sex is one thing but showing no affection at all and being cranky is bound to make any woman feel hurt and rejected

I pray for you, please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I kinda get what your going through. :heart: positive vibes

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Been to jail??? Sexually mollested??? Raped??? Sounds like trauma to me

2 in a marriage but only 1 person is trying. You need to decide what’s worth the fight, pick your battles.

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Have you ever considered that maybe he was sexually abused and just hasn’t told you?

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Definitely cheating😒. Sorry I know how much that hurts. He’s emotionally disconnected from you completely it’s just business at this point. No one deserves a marriage like that, definitely time to separate

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He should see a Dr. It sounds like he’s dealing with a medical issues.

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Gay? Depressed? PTSD? Just not into you? Go get some help!

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He cheating baby 13 months unt uhhh

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What got you interested in him in the 1st place???:thinking:

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I’m sorry your going threw that, but have you tried to talk to him about what he’s going through anything? Maybe he is having mental issues or something. Depression and anxiety can effect the sex drive. I know that from experience.

I feel bad for my hubby, cause we haven’t done anything for about about 9 months. (From 2mo of being pregnant to almost 2 months after my son is born) and I still don’t get the feeling to go at it.

Say goodbye. He doesn’t want you.

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Make your husband a drs apt.discuss the erectile disfunction but also ask some questions about autism.lots of adults on the spectrum go undiagnosed if isnt severe in childhood.he seems to have a disconnect over your feelings and what you wrote about hands makes me wonder if he could have autism or ocd.

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Well…… this is how it’s been for me, except it’s me on the other end of things not wanting to do anything but ever so often. It’s not that I’m cheating or don’t love my husband or adore him or whatever. It’s that I’m chronically depressed and in pain all the time plus raising our 3 kids and everything else. It sounds like your situation is different than mine but at the same time maybe he is going through something. Needless to say he shouldn’t make you feel like you’re not wanted. Because even though I don’t wanna do it all the time I still let my husband know I love him and appreciate him and that’s it’s not him it’s my depression and my body image problems.

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It might be medical issues. Beg him to get checked and put an ultimatum and set boundaries

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He needs medical help

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Maybe he has diabetes

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He’s getting sex somewhere. Girl love yourself and move on.

Sounds like he is discussed with himself and the act itself …. I doubt he is cheating, I’d say he is on the spectrum esesialky if he is always washing his hands because of “ being dirty “

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He’s not into you. Time to have a real conversation.

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Either gay, cheating or u dont turn him on

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Are you sure he’s not gay babe?

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Maybe he’s masturbating or cheating either way u need to get a handle on it or get rid of him no sense in keeping yourself unhappy it’s hard but doable all the best.

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Hmm id be looking for a new one girl … stay married if u must … tell him if he is not willing yo give u what u need you will get it elsewhere… maybe he will choose to go maybe not … lofes too short for shitty sex !!!

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People actually make this up Righttt :woozy_face:

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He could be gay and in denial that he is .

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Personally I’d leave, sex is a huge thing to me & definitely a deal breaker, I guess you just gotta find out if it’s something you can live with if things don’t get better

If this is true Tell him to hit the Road jack and never come back!! Please go to consuling and get yourself help🙏🏽

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Y’all go straight to the worst case scenario’s :woman_facepalming: don’t automatically assume the worst. The negative comments don’t help her at all. Have him speak to his dr he could have something medically going on. Why’s it okay for women to be depressed and not want sex but if it’s a man he’s gay or cheating wtf

It could be medical but also consider that there are a lot of ppl that are repulsed by sex it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them or the other person. I don’t think anyone should be obligated to provide it if they don’t want it. There are lots of options for diy in that area as for affection you may have to figure out what his ways of showing you love are and appreciate that. I imagine it would feel very lonely to feel valued or rejected for just this area when life should be so much more. If a woman was feeling obligated or a man was saying they had to do her part after she made it clear she didn’t even want to more ppl would be appalled by it.

The lack of affection is where the red flag for me would be. I think the issues for him with sex tho could be anything from childhood trauma to health issues. I wouldn’t assume he’s cheating unless you find something to be concerned about. But the lack of affection you entirely need to discuss with him and be blunt. Ask him outright if he is happy in the marriage or not. If not then you have to decide whether to stay or go.

It could be Erectile Disfunction. Does he take any meds on a regular basis?

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It sounds like he might have a medical issue or something going on (could be a physical issue or a mental one). Men get really embarrassed when it comes to that stuff and don’t like to admit when they’re having problems. Rather than begging for it all the time and making it about you try asking him what’s going on and offer help. Help him find a doctor, go with him to the appointment for support, etc. I’m not trying to be mean so please don’t take it that way. He might just be embarrassed to talk to you because you’re always begging him for sex and getting upset and thinking it’s got something to do with how he feels about you.

This is no way to live. He’s not interested in sex, at least with women.

He’s not into you any more.

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Dudes with e.d still try to fu*k so, it aint that🙈. I say hes cheating.

Try to have an honest conversation with him and ask him if he thinks he is attracted to men instead of women. You can also try to spice up things like watching porn, role-play, candles, learning his erogenous zones, massage, dance. Some people need more than foreplay before sex.
Or maybe he is depressed. This is the scariest situation. Sometimes when people are unhappy or have unmet needs, they can get depressed. If it is depression, try to help him find medical support fast.

Hunni
13 months isn’t that long
I’ve gone without out for 10 yrs (due to being raped)
Like women
Men can also loose interest in sex
There is so much more to intimacy then sex
Cuddling on the couch watching a movie (I’m not talking about pornos )

Ur best option is buy urself a really good toy :grin::grin::grin::grin:

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Did you ever think he might be pleasing himself watching porn or he just hates the fact that he finishes to quick and he can’t satisfy you have him talk to his Dr. by himself you just make the appointment

He could be gay, could have an issue with his thyroid, ED, depressed. Things like this are not always caused by cheating and I hate that people jump to that.

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Maybe he’s gay honestly

Why do most of you women
Jump to the conclusion that a guy is either cheating, gay or just not into you
Did you women ever considered he may have medical , emotional or mental health issues
We are only hearing one side of the story

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I would say, go Snooping! 5 years is a long time to be together. If he isnt talking, I would find out why. Likely you’ll get your answer on his phone or computer…could be any number of reasons! Also, don’t forget the search history. I know some wont agree with this, but if you have tried to talk and he won’t listen, then you need to know!

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Start with having him see a doctor!!! Many things can be happening…sex drives or lack of them can be dangerous signs of some cancers…mine was affected when I ended up finding out I had breast cancer!

3 years and no real answers . If you asked bluntly and still nothing after 3 years then you did not want the real answer . If he made nothing but excuses then he did not want to have a marriage . You knew what you wanted.and he told you in so many different ways in silence. Now it’s your chess move . You dragged it out in silence most of the time because you thought that silence would change it. It doesn’t take five years to get an answer . You had yours the first year so make a decision now and go live a life you want . Most people say they want change until they have to put in the time and hard work to get it done . Your choice so pick one .

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Go get yourself a toy then you can get yourself off as often as you need & don’t have to bother him at all then file for divorce life’s to short to be miserable

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Wow! I see a LOT of judgement, but if he has always been this way he is likely ASEXUAL …NOT GAY OR CHEATING. I go through periods of this…longest was 3 years where if my husband touched me my skin crawled and I wanted to puke. I love my husband. It’s not a choice. I also go through periods of hypersexuality as well, but most asexual people don’t.

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Sounds like he has low testosterone.

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What was it before? When dating/right after marriage? I think that’s a huge piece of info missing. If something suddenly changed, maybe you can pinpoint it. If he has always been like this, was it never an issue before? I am getting (just from what is typed here) that it has only been recent years, it says the last 2. Were the first 3 years completely opposite and affectionate and intimate?

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I mean is he gay…. Or ED? Or cheating… 13mo is a long time for anyone… or truly just isn’t into sex and it isn’t something he wants. Either way I’m sure it’s embarrassing for him and it’s a real discussion to be had. No begging, crying etc. just a real talk

Protect him? Protect him? But he’s not even protecting you and your feeelings. Protect him…

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I think he has a medical issue or it’s mental condition. He’s avoiding sex because of it. You need to make the appointment to seek medical treatment and tell him you’ll go with him, that he isn’t alone.

I would make him a Dr. appointment first off to both talk about it and get his hormones tested. Sounds like something is off, unless it has always been this way since day one. Then if he wants it to change, he will do the work. If he doesn’t, then you need to decide what’s best for you.

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Lowkey sounds like low testosterone levels, sis…

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If not happy w I th u i wood tell him 2 walk out front door no lady should b out the door

Why would you marry someone who wasn’t meeting your needs? He’s been doing this all along yet you chose to stay, marry him, and have a baby with him, and now you want to punish him for the way he’s always been?!

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Talk with the family doctor

i’d make him an appointment and get his testosterone levels checked.

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First. Buy a very nice vibrater
Second. Use it.
Three. Have fun !!!
Four. If he objects… explain that he had his chance !!!
Then contact a lawyer and kick him out

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I would definitely make a doctor’s appointment for him. Could be a number of medical reasons and not because he is gay or cheating.

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Could have a Madonna complex

Could be medical issues like DIABETES.

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Why are you making sex the only important thing in your marriage some men have serial problems and just to ashamed to talk about it if you can’t love him without sex then he don’t need you and I know you don’t put names on here but I’m sure if your husband read this he would know you wrote it try showing and telling him that you are the one that put on Facebook for everyone to read and why not tell family are you trying to say they would beat the he’ll out of him for not having sex with you

The fact that you gotta get him hard because he doesn’t want his hands to have “sticky stuff” on it pure laziness and lack of effort

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I think he is gay. If I’m in ur situation… I’m already filling for a divorce. :cry:

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You could always have the talk if he’s gay or bi? I know it could be hard for you but it could be fun? Or plan a date night with drinks and MAYBE some recreational stuff if you’re up to it

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He could be struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, addiction, hormones and many other things.

If a woman is struggling with sex drive etc they are met with more support and understanding than what this guy is getting here. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is cheating or just not into you. I don’t think leaving your marriage is the go to answer here.

Is his medication affecting him

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Hes not into u anymore maybe hes into someone else.

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Well first I would see if he’s willing to see a Dr for this issue and than if he’s not I assume he’s cheating or is hiding in the closet especially seeing he doesn’t show you any affection. I would be going my own way for sure and he would be on his marry way

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Hes closet gay or bi or has someone on the side

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Kinda sounds like hes a selfish jerk… i get having low testosterone/low sex drive but because he loves you he should be willing to have intimacy with you, like cuddling after, not making you do all the work and/or making sure you have some sort of pleasurable experience. Was he always like this and now its changed since you’ve been together? If he has changed and wont see a doctor or at least talk to you about the sexual issues he might be cheating…
Idk the situation but everything is screaming red flags.
Buy you some great toys in the meantime

U think you have to trade him inn :thinking:

Sounds like my soon to be ex husband.He didnt want to have sex hardly ever,didnt want to do anything fun in the bedroom,rather sleep then do anything else.Didnt show any compassing at all.No holding hands,kissing or,anything like that.The no sex part,was because he had low testosterone.I’d have him make a drs appointment to see if thats the problem

Have him get his testosterone checked

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He’s def cheating, or just doesn’t care

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So this has been going on since your first year together??? Beg??? I would have left a long time ago.

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Do not walk ruuuuuuuuuuuuun

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A medical condition or he’s gay

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I was married to a guy (for a short 4 months) about 30 years ago … and you could be describing him …!!! He never wanted sex and was standoffish with me … I tried … so finally it ended in a divorce … fast forward to about 5 years ago … I found out…. HES GAY …!! Finally came out of the closet …!.! All those years I blamed myself… when I just wasn’t “built right” for him …!!!

When my ex-husband started doing that to me he finally admitted to me that he never actually loved me and wanted to divorce.

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He gay or cheater plan on a divorce

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If you are not happy and doesn’t care. You leave. You can try to do counseling but if he’s not dealing with anything and doesn’t care that you cry or are upset then screw him. You don’t need to wait forever. You try to fix it and if he won’t try back you leave.

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He needs to go see a doctor could be low testosterone

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