My husband got someone pregnant while we were on a "break: Advice?

I swear this is the wife to the story someone put in here the other day ? About her one night stand working where she lived for business then went back to the other side of the country and then she found out he had a wife ? Either way you’re very forgiving can’t love you that much if he jumped into bed with someone else I would definately not have that

If mum agrees he can send cards letters photographs then have phone calls and maybe spend half terms with child and half of summer… if you really want to be in someones life you make it work. Regardless of the distance. My friends chikds dad lives in Scotland her in liverpool. He has he every school holiday and half term. It works for them

Let him try to have a relationship with him. Before school try to get the mom to let yall have him for a few months and switch back and forth. Then when he gets into school just try to get him on during the summer

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Well I personally would want a connection with my child maybe push for the summer he can come stay with y’all and he pays child support also so he should have some rights to the child

Just going to throw this out there for the people putting the blame on her as well. That child is NOT her problem. It is NOT her responsibility. But she is WILLING to have a relationship with the child. It is her husbands responsibility to reach out to the babies mother and try to have contact. Not hers. Granted if they stay together (I know the post said they were together but people can change their minds) she needs to treat the child as her own. With that being said, shes a better person than I am cause I’d be telling him he can go.

I think right now FaceTime is your friend. But I would personally rather a dad be involved no matter what that looks like. Phone calls, letters and occasional visits is better than nothing. I think staying away will be one of his biggest regrets.

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In my opinion, he should stay in contact, the last thing you’d want is to be resented or the child thinking he just wasn’t wanted. Video call, text when he’s old enough, letters, small gifts by mail, make the effort to stay close.

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Boy my life Isn’t a mess like I think it is lol
Best of luck. I have no opinions for this type of situation. It’s a difficult one

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I would try to have a relationship. Try for summers first, if he is over the age of 2. If not that’s a lot of travel for a really little one. Do what is best for the kid though. If that means you guys just get him for 6 weeks during the summer because of the distance, at least he will still know he has a dad. He will know something about his other family. As he gets older, maybe he will get to know you guys better and want to come more. I would always be honest with your children about this situation, because they will find out eventually. Although it most likely will strain their relationship with your husband, that can eventually be mended. If you keep them in the dark, they will not trust you when they find out.

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My cousin does twins from Texas to Michigan. They exchange for 3-4 months at a time.

Are you sure its even his just because she claims doesn’t mean its true unless if there is proof but if it is then move back but I give you props I myself could not do it I’d send him packing

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Skype. Video. Send cards. Be there for Birthdays and holidays.

I’d be worried about the fact he was having unprotected sex in the first place.
You grown bro, condoms are free at the health unit and herpes isnt curable.

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As a child who grew up in a “broken” home and my real father stayed away…
Talk to the mom and see if she is willing to work with you having a realationship with the child… It is too late after that baby is old enough trust me. It to late for my dad to try and be here for me although he does try it just doesnt feel right it doesnt feel like a father/child relationship. My dad was never there growing up and I always wondered why and if it was my fault and everything. Dont wait atleast for the babys sake. Try. Its the fathers job to try and have a relationship with the said child not for the child to come to the father… Also tell your kids, I didn’t have a brother/sister relationship with one of my brothers and we are trying to reconnect to get that relationship (we are both adults) but my point being I would have liked to know my brother when he was growing up so I could be there for him.

Atleast try.

My husband and I both feel. He either needs to be a part from the start or don’t get involved at all. Don’t come and go. Either it’s all or nothing.

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Try to be involved, but take the baby mama into account as well. It should be a mutual decision to be involved or not. Write letters or something.

It is what it is! It happened and he should step up and be a father! If he can be there for your kids yall have then why punish this other child? You dont have to tell the kids all the details but your husband should step up and take responsibility and you should want him to do the same!

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Y’all are forgetting the other woman, how does she feel? What does she want? This is a messed up situation and it involves an innocent child. It isnt your or your husbands choice. Its between the 3 of you.

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A BREAK??? You’re married, not dating and that’s cheating & unfaithful!!!

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Hmmmm tough one but… ultimately i say let her raise the baby and if he grows up wanting to meet dad then fine. Only way I would say different is if you two decided to move closer to him.

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Your husband have an obligation to his son. Maybe after 18 years, you can finally let them go. He accepted that fact so he should bear the consequences of his actions.

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“We” shouldn’t have to tell your kids nothing ! Your husband made the decision to get her pregnant let him tell them !

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This baby deserves to know his Dad and Siblings. And you because you should be involved too as a step Mom. Don’t rob him from that and have him resent you guys later in life.

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I would have your husband call the mother of his child and talk to her and ask her. I don’t know her circumstances but being a single mom is hard. Kudos to you for sticking by him. A child can never have too much love.

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That’s his child. He’s to do whatever he can to know and financially support this child, who did not ask to be here. There are consequences to irresponsibility.!

Obviously not a wonderful husband if he did this even while separated because clearly y’all were trying to work it out since you got back together

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You guys need to tell your kids and your husband needs to be a part of his son’s life. Move closer.

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How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot ?you had the child and the child not knowing his father. It’s more about regrets if don’t be involved. It’s sad that people make decisions on your behalf as child , when adults should know what A child needs. :heart:I pray you make the right decision, in the long run ,a child had no choice in the matter :sleepy:

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Send care packages. It doesn’t have to be some thing big. Have the mother contact you threw the internet so he can open it and see his father. And yes y’alls kids need to know. They should get a chance to interact with him too.

Hey I understand were you are coming from I say that have the relationship with his son before it’s too late move closer to him or find other options. It’s good you guys are trying to work things out but I say find options before he ends up leaving you because he wants to be with his son because he will get tried of not being able to be with his son and could end up leaving you to move closer but do what’s right for his son and yes you should tell the 2 children you guys have together so it won’t be no surprise to them so they can welcome him with open arms just as well as you :heart: best of luck to you all

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That is a tough one. The child should know his bio dad exists but, how does the bio mom feel about her baby daddy . was th angry. Feelings at his leaving her . i think baby daddy should make it known to bio mom that he is there for monetary support and get to know his son thru vid chat phone etc . and if the son wants a real time visit go from there .he should know who all of his brothers and sisters are

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I would tell them when they are old enough to understand. With all the dna tests that can be done, they will find out eventually and just be upset you never told them. I have a cousin that showed up and his mom and “dad” are both deceased. Nobody knew anything. It’s better to be upfront and honest. As far as a relationship, I’m not sure how I would handle that. My sons father lives in a different state 3.5 hours away and that relationship isn’t easy for anybody.

My thoughts are to get in some conversations with both of you and the baby mama and her significant other (if she has one). Have adult conversations without kids present so you can all decide together what the best plan is. The mama might be just fine with doing things on her own. maybe she doesn’t want the child to know his bio father - and that could be an ok option…

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I think I would let her have him. I’m not sure I could get passed him having a child with someone else.

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This isn’t a we thing it’s a HE thing, he made the child , HE should tell your children about there sibling and HE should do what he needs to do to be a father to that baby just as he should the other two! That’s something HE would have to figure out and you as a wife , support his decision. I will not say anything because he “cheated” or what ever because that’s neither here nor there , you accepted the situation and the child and that makes you a wonderful person! All you are required to do is support your husbands decisions what ever they may be.

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This is his dad. He needs to do all he can to show his son that he loves him. Send gifts and cards until he is older to do other things. So his son will see that he truly loved him. If he decides not to be his dad than it will hurt both of them the older he gets.

Try!! Be present the baby deserves it :slightly_smiling_face: you got this mama

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I’m still trying to figure out “The break” thing while being married…
This isn’t middle school, This is real life marriage- There are no such thing as breaks- And that’s his kid, he should have a relationship with him.
It’s not the child’s fault, That child still deserves a father!

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But he’s not a great dad or partner. He cheated on you and has now abandoned a child.

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You made a mistake and took him.back! He chose to move across state and not face his responsibilities like a coward.
Sounds like hes regretting running from bug boy problems. Not a man at all. I would let him go and start a relationship with his other child before they dont want anything to do with him and start my own life without him…

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Get rid of him! Take care of yourself first.

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I don’t think I could forgive that. If I did, both the child and his mother would be part of our family. It’s not the child’s fault he was born.

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And why did u take him back?

Well. You made the choice to accept all that has happened and move forward with your marriage so I think it’s time to embrace your choice to do that. Imagine how you would feel if you were the mother of that child? You said your husband is a wonderful father…does this child not deserve the benefit of having a wonderful father just as your children do? A lot of people are saying this isn’t a we issue this is all on him but I disagree. You made a choice to stand by him and that made it a we issue. You both need to tell your children because your children need to feel secure in this and the only way they can is to see that you have accepted it and are supportive of your husband; their father. If it were me I would encourage my husband to be in the child’s life…that’s the right thing to do. Running away and pretending the child doesn’t exist only leads to more pain for everyone including your children when they later find out about the other child because honestly that’s inevitable. This is the life you chose so buckle up buttercup :heart:

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I can’t believe this is even a question. Such sadness.

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Break. when i took my vows, was no break. Js. love the Child.

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All I got is… Nope.

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Nah after that he wouldn’t be back in my house. He could just go on with his hoochie. Not my circus,not my monkeys.

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It is a we… when ur married

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Start the bond now. In 18 yrs he may not want to know him.

You sure wasn’t on his mind when he was laying and making so I would be done with him and let him go be with the other woman. I would not take a man back that went and slept with another woman while we were married it doesn’t matter if you guys was separated or not he had no care in the world when he was getting his.

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Just like that fuck the child and abandon it wow what a great husband to have goes on a break fucks another woman gets her pregnant abandons her and the kid and runs right back to you

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oh lordy lord, that’s alot of drama you are going through, if i was in your shoes and if my husband got another girl pregnant even if “On a break/separation”, i wouldnt have taken his ass back, fuck that noise but that’s just me…So moving foward he now got kids from you and the side chick/one night stand smdh, he is gonna have to “Man up” and be a father to all children including the baby he made with the other woman. If he cant afford to travel back and forth for visits, then he can get an extra job and make that sacrifice to see that kid. That child deserves a father in their life regardless and all those kids should know about each other as well.

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That child deserves his father! Point blank period!

My husband and I Didn’t talk once for 7 months. We still lived in the same house. He never cheated because he doesn’t believe in it. He said he is married for life. Since he got a girl pregnant he should take responsibility. It is the only right thing to do.

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Although I agree kids have rights to know where they come from sometimes it’s best to leave it alone. Your husband could call and talk to the mom and see what her thoughts are before you two decide on your own what is best for a child neither of you chose to be there from the moment he took his first breath. Your husband’s regrets or guilt isn’t a good reason to turn another families life upside down or your kids. Have a conversation with the mom, actually have several conversations so both sides can get to know each other better. But only if the other mom agrees because you two chose to distance yourselves in more ways then one from the child so she might not be charitable to your husbands guilty feelings. No matter what decisions are made you will have to support the moms decision first. Good luck

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WHAT does your husband want to do,2.if he wants a relanstionship with his son,after all he deserves to know his father regardless of how he was conceived.Second maybe one of you can contact the mother and talk about the situation and hopefully they can face time for now,and meet in the future,

You should live near his son. It’s about his son. He needs his father.